Up, Up, and Away

Randy and I are are taking a mini-vacation this week. Everything is fine and we'll be back soon.

Until then, if you just can't live without a little spanko love, I invite you to browse the archives.

Hugs to all,
Bonnie

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 25

Today’s brunch was dedicated to our desert island spanking implements. As you shall see, the brunch participants took off in all sorts of interesting directions in their responses. It’s enough to make one almost crave a shipwreck…

Bella: I'd choose the tawse. It's thuddy and stingy and has that lovely aroma of leather. Special care would be needed to keep it safe from the elements, thus elevating its importance in island life.

Here come the mental images now...

Pagan: A nice firm oval leather paddle. Definitely.

Bonnie: For my desert island spanking adventure, I’d choose a versatile implement that can be appropriate in a variety of spanking situations. Since it might be repeatedly exposed to water, conventional leather and wood seem like less than ideal choices. This situation calls for something a bit different.

For these reasons, I would take my 1970s vintage large plastic hairbrush. It was made before the hollow models with the rubber dome became ubiquitous. Instead the bristles are held in place by the thick plastic of the body. The head is an oval shape and the sides are rounded. The lack of defined edges prevents most cuts and bruises.

Even by hairbrush standards, this tool delivers an intense sting. However, it lacks the thud of heavier wooden brushes. It would be perfect for this quick, reminder spankings, as well as slower, romantic encounters.

Eva: Okay, I know that those of you who know me fully anticipate that I'm yelling "CROP!" at the top of my lungs. But wait... If we are on an island, don't you think we probably could improvise something similar to a crop? And I'm sure there would be plenty of wood type objects... So I'm thinking I want to take the flogger because that would be the hardest to duplicate.

Paul: If I were to be on a desert with Mel, it would have to be the tawse and a large bottle of Neats Foot oil.

I'm sure that I could improvise a switch or even a birch, if such were needed. Under normal circumstances, my hand and the tawse should suffice.

Tigger: This is an easy one! The Boudoir Paddle from the London Tanner! It's my favorite implement to get spanked with! In fact, I call it the American Express of spanking implements, meaning, “Don't leave home without it!” *grin*

Cindy: Wow, you can tell we're all spankos! Everyone's mind is already turning around spanking implements that can be created on their island! And I agree. We'd have Dave's hand, switches or crops might easily be fashioned... Perhaps palm fronds tied with seaweed to make a passable flogger? At least we would have time to experiment! But I think I have to choose something leather, even with all the warnings about it surviving the island elements. Heck, maybe coconut oil would help preserve it? I don't rightly know, but I have to go with the strop on this one.

Hmm... If Dave gets to pick one too, does that mean we got two implements? Such thoughts!

Kallisto: Great question, Bonnie! I would have to pick our big wooden paddle. It is very thuddy, and the thing we would be least likely to be able to improvise. Since you specify that shelter is not a problem, I don't think we would have to worry too much about it being damaged by the elements!

Elis: Since we would already have his hand, I get to pick something else! I would want his old black leather belt! I have loved that thing for years, since long before I came out as spanko. I would take it down from the hook and caressed it long before I felt its caress on my butt! It is the only thing he has ever used that I could feel the next day! Yep, I'm picking the belt. That thing and I are old friends!

TX Spankogirl: I'm going to have to pick our square head wooden hairbrush. As bad as that thing hurts, it has to be my favorite implement. It's the one that gets used the most so I know I would miss it if it were gone!

Thank you, everyone, for spending some time on our desert island! Next week's question will be considerably more serious. I hope you will join us then.

Keywords: spanking, spanking implements, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch

MBS Spanko Brunch #58

OK, today's question may seem a bit dopey, but it was bound to come up sooner or later.

If you and your partner were stranded on a desert island, what one spanking implement would you want to be sure to have? Why?

For the sake of discussion, let's assume that our mythical desert island has ample shelter, water, food, etc. This isn't Survivor. If you wish, the locale can be a luxurious tropical resort after everyone evacuated because they thought the volcano was about to erupt, except that it didn't. The point is, there's no need to select the Popeil Pocket Fisherman so you can eat as well as spank.

If you would like to contribute your thoughts to today's brunch, I invite you leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of our discussion.

Implement Stories #13: Practical K

Practical K has a most unusual spanking implement. Here's his story:

My girlfriend and I both switch, and our favorite implements are mostly wooden paddles. Something about them really does it for both of us in pretty much either role. All the same, we have a variety of toys including several straps. One of these is built for this purpose. Another is basically a razor strop. However, over the past few years, while traveling, we have also acquired a couple of lovely straps that were originally meant for other purposes. Nonetheless, they are wickedly effective for our favorite secondary use.

The most unusual and intriguing of these is a leftover segment of an authentic mill-wheel strap. This is not only the most unusual, but quite probably the oldest spanking implement we own, even if it wasn't originally made for that particular purpose. We suspect it dates back to the 1930s or so based upon the age of the other equipment where we found it. We came across it on a weekend trip a couple of years ago when we stayed at an old mill-house in the country. On exploring the well-preserved, but no longer functional machines, we came across this piece of leather which had been cut off from a larger section of a sort of conveyor belt and discarded as scrap, but which obviously had, well, a certain potential.


We looked at each other and immediately our eyes lit up at the possibilities. Later that evening, I went to where it was laying and casually made off with it. I'm sure no one else even noticed, but we counted it as a major find. Not only did it look fiendishly well-suited for bottom-warming, it had a wonderful patina of age about it.

So it found a new home in our collection of toys, where it still has a pride of place. The only problem is that, in practice, the thing is so intrinsically severe that we both hesitate to pull it out and put it to real use. Although we both enjoy switching in either role, neither of us ever goes for this strap unless we're on top. It has since acquired a certain aura as a result. We also have made it a practice to not bring it out for show, but only when we intend for it to be used. Needless to say, when it does get introduced, it makes a genuine impact in every sense of the word. So we mostly keep it in reserve for "special occasions."


In any event, it looks great in the collection. It's well aged and very nicely worn. It measures about a foot and a half long and over four inches across, and is made of very sturdy, but still flexible leather about a quarter-inch thick. It also has two rows of very wicked holes running down the face, so it somehow looks even more menacing than our "real" straps! It makes an indescribably intimidating sound when it is swung with even moderate force, almost like whistling, as well as a lovely firecracker sound on impact. Any further sounds produced will not be commented on.


The center is worn almost smooth from years (probably decades) of use driving a machine, and is almost like suede, but the outer edges are still extremely firm. All in all, it has more character than most of our other playthings combined. In a way, it's almost (I said almost) a shame that the thing just plain and simply hurts so damn much.


Oh, yes... I mentioned that I've wanted to share this story with you and your other faithful readers, but that there were some complications that prevented it. Well, I also related our little pact that it doesn't get taken out apart from use, so as to help preserve its special and almost regal status. So although I had the idea to photograph it over a week ago, I knew that doing so would bring certain obligations. I figured that her response would be that if I wanted to take a picture of it, then I could also be the one to volunteer to have it used on them. Finally, I decided to go ahead with it. However, after we read through a few of the previous Implement Stories together, we compromised. So we both felt it this morning, right before the photos were taken. In fact, the strap was probably still warm while we "posed" it. I know we both were!

Wow! Thank you, Practical K and girlfriend, for your excellent story and for your dedication to the spanko cause!

Keywords: implement stories, leather strap, spanking strap, spanking

Implement Stories #12: Ian's Paddle

For our next Implement Stories entry, here is Ian with his custom DIY paddle:

My name is Ian, and I am a faithful lurker. I have posted a couple of comments under the name "anonymous," and really can't believe that I took a picture of my toy to put on the internet. But, I do have a paddle, and a story, and a question that perhaps you and some of your readers with educated bottoms might help me answer.

My wife and I played bondage games in the first 15 years of our marriage. It might be simplistic and dismissive to call her "vanilla," so I will say that her kink-drive is far lower than mine. I have always been grateful that she was willing to play with me, and out of respect for her vanilla tendencies never included pain of any kind in our play.

On the occasion of her 39th birthday, however, I decided that it was time.

I announced that she was to receive her first spanking, and positioned her in front of a mirror, where she could see what I was doing. I then instructed her to count, and to announce every third swat in the form of, "That was three, sir... That was six, sir," etc. She chuckled a bit at the thought of calling me "sir," but did not object. She still had a bit of a chuckle in her voice when she announced number three, but it was mostly gone by the time she got to number 9. Upon reaching number 20, I produced this from my toy bag:


This is a little woodworking project that I had prepared for the occasion. It is 16" long, and made from 1/4" thick oak. The business end is covered on one side with rabbit fur, on the other with medium leather. There is no padding under the leather, it is glued directly to the oak.


I showed her the paddle in the mirror, and rubbed her bottom and thighs with the fur side. When I administered the first blow with the leather side, she inhaled sharply and said, "that was 21, sir."

The spanking continued until we reached the magic number of 39, at which time her bottom was very nicely red, with no other marks. I then held her and hugged her and kissed her, and the evening progressed rather well from there.

In the two years since, the paddle has made two or three more appearances. She has told me that she can enjoy a hand spanking almost any time, but she would prefer the paddle to be a rare occasion.

In the same two years, I have found "My Bottom Smarts," and have read the tutorials, including "spanking 101: implements." If I understand correctly, I may have picked a fairly severe first toy. I don't try to wield it with great force, but I can't help it if I get excited! I enjoy spanking my wife, and I want her to enjoy it as well. We don't do "punishment." They are more like "foreplay spankings."

So my question is, Does anyone have a suggestion for a toy that would be something between my hand, and this paddle in intensity? Should I look for a leather paddle? I am certainly up for experimentation.

Thank you, Ian, for showing us your creation and sharing your story.

I invite readers to join in, but here's my answer. A 1/4" hardwood paddle should be fairly light and deliver lots of sting. Employed in the moderate manner you describe, it's not a terribly severe implement. Had you said it was, say, 3/4" solid oak, I would have advised you to select a different implement to start.

I think wooden implements sometimes gain a bad reputation. Many are very intense, but others can be quite appropriate for playful or erotic spankings.

A small leather paddle is a nice addition to any spanko's collection. The feel is quite different from the paddle you're using. The flexibility of leather reduces the thud and replaces it with a nice, warm burn.

In the end, a lot depends upon the preferences of the participants. A given implement isn't inherently good or bad. What matters is the context, the technique, and the perception of the couple who employ it.

I wish you both continued spanking success and great happiness.

Keywords: implement stories, paddle, wooden paddle, DIY paddle, spanking

101 Highly Ineffective Spanking Excuses

Have you ever tried to get out of a well-deserved spanking? I have. It may come as a surprise to some readers, but spanko-obsessed as I may be, there are times when I am simply not in the mood.

So what do I do? Occasionally, I will try to employ my formidable powers of persuasion, like this:

I’m too tired	If my bottom swells, my new jeans won’t fit
My spanko panties are in the laundry	Ever wondered what birds think?
That paddle is a lethal weapon	You really don’t want to do this
Isn’t your TV show on tonight?	My period started today
Didn’t we just do this?	I’m allergic to flat wooden objects
I have very sensitive skin	It hurts!
Your aunt called	The car is making a strange noise
Do you need anything from the store?	Let’s not and say we did
I have to go to the bathroom	Look, it’s Spiderman!
I’ll definitely be in the mood tomorrow	I’ll make it worth your while…
I’m hungry, how about you?	It’s getting late
We still need to take out the garbage	Can you help me with my computer?
Let’s try something different	I know a fun game
Let me just make this one phone call	Did I tell you what happened today?
Tell me all about your day	Is that the Goodyear blimp?
But I don’t want a spanking	Can you make that funny sound again?
How about a backrub?	Let’s just go to sleep
My feet hurt	Never on a new moon
You’ll never believe what I read on the web	How are things at work?
I’m still sore from the last spanking	Does this color look good on me?
Just let me finish this chapter	Does my car have a spare tire?
I don’t really deserve this	Look at these pictures of the baby
I’m craving ice cream	I need to go to the doctor next week
I have a headache	Pizza?
May I unzip you?	How about if I finish up this e-mail?
It sure looks like rain	We could build a fire in the fireplace
How about if I beg?	My horoscope advises against this
Have you called your sister lately?	Let’s go see a movie
Oh, your shoulders must be sore	Can you fix this dripping faucet?
Let’s get another pet	Have you any money?
Let me show you my new skirt	Where did you go for lunch?
Wait until you read my latest post	I have to sit on a hard bench all day tomorrow
I smell smoke	What’s your name again?
I’m thinking about getting my hair cut	Chocolate?
C’mon, let’s dance!	Aren’t you tired of all this spanking?
I love a leisurely drive in the country	What’s the name of that polishing tool?
Baboons can weigh up to 40 kg	Let’s change that bulb in the garage
I just stepped in something	Does my face look symmetrical?
Let’s just have a quiet evening	Have you seen my masterpeice?
Let’s plant tomatoes this year	Oh, no, not that paddle
Will you scratch my back?	I think I’m stuck to this chair
It’s a lovely night for a walk	My spanko mojo just isn’t working
Didn’t you want to make love?	Let’s take a shower instead
Please don’t make me cry	What do you want for your birthday?
I’m entitled to a trial of my peers	Can’t you see I’m cleaning the fridge?
I thought you were watching a game	I can’t change at the gym with marks
That’s my cell phone	What will the neighbors think?
What say we just skip the whole thing?	I think there’s someone outside
The karma’s all wrong	Do you think this house is haunted?
I need some new shoes	May I lick that?
Have you seen Kitty?

These methods simply don't work, at least not with my husband Randy. So why did I waste my time and your eyes publishing this elaborate list? I did it in hopes that you won't waste your time and your partner's patience attempting to use any of these painfully ineffective lines. Take my word. Forget the distractions and diversions. Just bend over and take your medicine. It's a whole lot easier for everyone concerned.

Demographics: Who We Are

Every so often, it's useful and fun to to learn a little more about the good folks who visit MBS. So, if I may impose for one moment of your time, I ask you to share just a little bit about who you are.

There's no sophisticated marketing plan at work here. I'm just curious.

Which best describes you? Male under 25 Male 25-34 Male 35-44 Male 45-54 Male 55-64 Male over 65 Female under 25 Female 25-34 Female 35-44 Female 45-54 Female 55-64 Female over 65 Current Results

Thanks!

Implement Stories #11: OPB

Let's return to our implement stories series with OPB and his clothes brush.

Seeing the other implement stories has encouraged me to share mine. The story involves our clothes brush. It was bought in the UK and is wooden-backed with nice stiff bristles. It's about 12" long.


We were in bed probably about 6-7 years ago when my wife, Anita, a more vanilla lady you could not hope to meet, said those words which we all want to hear from our lover, "Is there anything you'd particularly like?" Now I knew she did not understand the spanking kink, but I thought, "Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained, she might slowly grow to enjoy it." So I said, "I'd like you to spank me."

She was not enthusiastic, but she had offered, so she sat up in bed and I arranged myself over her knees, thinking that I needed to show as much enjoyment of what was to follow as possible in order to encourage her.

There followed a couple of half-hearted swats just below the tail bone, and I suggested that she strike a litle lower, since this was for enjoyment, after all.

"But it hurts my hand," she said. I'd come this far, so possibly foolishly, I suggested that she use the clothes brush.

At this point, dear reader, there are two possible endings to this story, either a) she says "That would be a good idea, fetch it for me please," and our spanking life takes off together, or b) "No."

Sadly, it was the latter response, sex was over for another month or so, and I've never tried to get her to play again. As for the brush, it is now only used for self-administered spankings, and it's very effective too.

Thank you, OPB!

Keywords: implement stories, spanking brush, spanking

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 18

Today's brunch was all fun and games. Here are the highlights:

OPB: I often find myself laughing when I read a spanking story because of the absurdness of what is happening. This is obviously not what the writers intend, but sometimes their premises require more than the usual suspension of disbelief, and when a tipping point is reached in unlikelihood I find them funny. I can't help it. Then I can't take the spanking element of the story seriously. Still, they're intended for amusement are they not?

Mary: I get spanked for fun, for foreplay and for discipline, and in all cases I have gotten a case of the giggles at least once. When I got the giggles during discipline it may have been triggered by the embarrassment I felt at my actions and about going over his knee. Well, I can tell you that I regretted the giggles then. He went right past the warm up and laid into my bottom until it really wasn't funny any more.

However, the giggles are more kindly tolerated when the spanking is for fun. We role play sometimes and then I really brat back and act coy and smart, and I really have fun. Like so many of us, I really did strive as a youngster to be a "good girl." These role play times give me the freedom to really behave badly. Although he remains in character, I sometimes crack myself up and end up giggling. He spanks right through it and comments ever so seriously, "So you think this is funny, young lady?" Other times, he sends me to the corner until I can "see the seriousness of my situation." But I can’t help but giggle. Part of the giggles at these times is the absurdness. But I think most of it is because I am happy that we are playing together and this happiness brings out the joy and silliness of life until it bubbles forth with a serious case of the giggles.

When spanking is just part of foreplay and sex, well, who hasn't had those moments of realizing that sex is also quite funny at times, in a happy, silly, delightfully simple way.

Kelly: Oh, oh, oh, oh, I can actually contribute! YAY! Once when being spanked, the person started rubbing my butt in between swats, and it tickled! He thought it was the strangest and funniest thing he had ever seen, so he started tickling my butt! Who in the world has a ticklish butt? Me apparently...

Mija: Ooo! Good Question Bonnie! :) Pablo and I wrote up our funniest spanking moment after it happened. Highlighted text is his.

Sometime after the hustle and flow of Christmas 2003, Pablo and I wanted a quiet day. He suggested going out for food (always a Good Thing and much more fun than cooking) and then going down to the ocean and looking for beach glass (something I really love doing!). I thought these were great ideas.

The only catch (if one considers it such) was that I needed to wear my black pleated uniform skirt, white shirt, green v-neck sweater and green knee socks. There wasn't a tie, but he had brought it with him in case he needed it. He was wearing a tee-shirt, but British people sometimes have odd fashion sense (like tennis shoes with colored socks!).

Now, I'd gotten a very kewl orange squirt gun for Christmas (Santa knowing what a good girl I can be!) and I brought it, with Pablo's blessing, to keep us safe from the seagulls who otherwise can really scare me.

This was the rule for that day. Squirting seagulls: okay. Squirting me: not okay. Squirting other people: depends on whether they deserve it or not.

It was quiet and I didn't need to scare any of them. There also weren't very many people and I was glad of that because there weren't very many people to stare at my bare feet and (otherwise) strict uniform.

It was starting to get dark by the time we arrived at the beach. This meant that we got the beach almost to ourselves, and caught a really nice Pacific sunset, but it also meant that the sand was quite cold, and that we couldn't stay too long.

Anyway, we went down near the water and walked until just past sunset. By then the already quiet beach was getting very cool and almost everyone had gone home. We went back to the car and put on our shoes. Or Pablo did anyway. I was de-sanding my feet before I put the socks back on when suddenly my squirt gun shot the small of Pablo's back.

The target for this, I believe, was a small patch of bare skin between the bottom of my tee-shirt and the top of my jeans, which presented itself as I bent over to lace up my shoes. (It's a place where I have a little hairy patch - Mija says it's where I used to have a tail that was cruelly removed at some point in infancy.) It was, apparently, irresistible.

Um, just so you know, I expected to get in trouble for this. But being scolded or maybe swatted at home seemed worth it -- the small of his back was a nice target to make damp. So I wasn't surprised when Pablo called me over to his side of the car and scolded me. I tried to sound sorry, but must not have sounded quite sorry enough.

At this point, I took a while to be sure that we were alone - at least that no-one was close enough to us to see or hear very much. Granted, rush-hour cars were streaming along the Pacific Coast Highway in both directions about 50 yards away, but it was dark and the car was facing away from the road.

In order to make some sort of point, Pablo walked with me (by the ear? Not sure!) to my side of the car, and sat down. I couldn't believe he would spank me here in a parking lot at the edge of Malibu.

I can't believe that she couldn't believe it. I've spanked Mija in places no less public, and far better lit than this.

Just as I was about to explain why he couldn't do that, he took my hands and pulled me over his knees. This meant my face was very close to the gear shift.

I was hardly breathing, I soooo couldn't believe what was happening. I imagined being "saved" by a lifeguard and thought of how embarrassing it would be to explain why Pab was spanking me. But then he pulled up my pleated skirt -- the air was really cold on my legs -- and Pab began whacking the seat of my knickers really hard (and loud) and fast.

This was never going to be a long spanking. Just something stinging and embarrassing to remember as we drove home. So, it needed to be hard and fast, and it was. The cold probably made it sting more, too.

I kicked, but it was totally impossible to get away. I whimpered and whined and complained it was public here until the whacks hurt way too much for me to say anything but "sorry" and "I really really promise to be good". Sadly, this wasn't the first -- or last -- spanking of the day.

It seemed to take forever because it was hard, but was really over pretty quickly I think. Pablo stopped and I got up quick, scowling at him and rubbing my bottom under my skirt as he got out. Then I turned around, planning to lean against the car (cool metal, warm bottom) and pout until he said he was sorry.

That was when I saw them. A whole entire family of like 6 people plus dog walking toward the car. I leapt into my seat, killed the overhead light and hid under the dashboard. They passed and got in the only other car parked in the lot.

I'm probably a very bad person, because I was convulsed with giggling at this point. I've no idea where they'd appeared from - there'd been no-one at all in that direction when I'd started, and the spanking hadn't taken more than about 30 seconds. Still, here they were - at least three generations, including (it seemed) grandmother and teenage son (walking dog) - about 20 yards away, walking right towards us along the path, in the direction of the passenger seat, where we were sitting and/or draped OTK. I watched them pass, trying to keep a straight face. They must have seen pretty much everything. But not one of them so much as made eye contact with me. I watched them walk to their car, then got in ours beside Mija.

I was in tears already, and my embarrassment must have turned me purple.

Still a very bad person, I reassured Mija while trying to keep from giggling. They wouldn't recognize you if you were standing right in front of them, I said. This didn't seem to help. They didn't even see your face, I said. Just your bottom. Strangely, this didn't seem to help either.

But even then, Pablo didn't apologize. {{scowls}} Isn't he mean?

Maybe I'd have felt bad if I'd wanted them to see, or hadn't tried to be sure that no-one was around, but neither of those was the case. To Mija's groans of dismay, our car drew alongside theirs as we left the car park and began to drive back to LA. I wondered aloud what they were finding to talk about. Looking across, not one of them looked back. I drove us home.

Eva: I've got a few and they all involve the crop. There was the time the crop poked through the plastic bag as we walked through a hotel lobby thinking it was well concealed. Then there was the time the little flappy thing kept flying off the end while Adam was spanking me. And then after he super glued it there was the time he spanked me with it in the kitchen and then quite pleased that his glue job held he started twirling it like he was a freakin' drum major or something. Yes indeed, the crop has brought us lots of smiles. Dang thing actually stings too. LOL GREAT question Bonnie. You brought back some warm summer time memories for me!!

Elis: Nick started a spanking one time by telling me to pay attention. Did he think I was going to be thinking of something else at the time? I was trying to decide what he was using but no, he had wanted me to pay attention to the pattern and number of spanks with each item. It ended up with him wanting me to do the math in my head while he was still spanking and he kept telling the answer was easy and to hurry! I was laughing so hard I could barely count much less do real math! When I finally got the answer out between giggles I got a few more swats for not taking the spanking seriously enough! It was a fun afternoon!

Bonnie: Most readers of this blog are aware that Randy and I love a good laugh. I’ve written numerous posts about such occasions. When something silly happens in the middle of a spanking, it usually escalates into a full blown giggle-fest. At those moments, my emotions are completely exposed, so it’s very easy for me to jump right into the hilarity.

My favorite laughs come when my bottom proves to be tougher than the implement that Randy selected to beat it. I can’t help cheering and giggling. This hasn’t happened often, but it’s always cause for celebration.

Randy’s favorite style of humor involves faux seriousness. He’ll act like some kind of grim spanko executioner. He talks in a deadpan clinical way about the severe spanking he’s about to deliver. At first, he’ll hook me in and cause me to begin to worry. Eventually, though, his presentation will go so far over the top that I know he’s just fooling. I still get spanked, of course, but it’s a much happier event.

Thank you to everyone who helped explain the lighter side of spanking. You're all invited back here next week for another MBS spanko brunch!

Keywords: spanking, spanking humor, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch

MBS Spanko Brunch #57

A spanking can trigger many different feelings and emotions - lust, dominance/submissiveness, regret, release/relief, commitment, openness, or humor.

Humor? Yes, that's right, humor. Under the right circumstances, a spanking can become downright hilarious. When things go right, there are plenty of opportunities for joking and playing around. When things go wrong, however, the silliness can get completely out of hand.

Here at MBS, I try to expose and explore the goofy side of spanking from time to time. Today, however, it's your turn.

Have you a funny spanking story you would like to share? What parts of your spanking experience lend themselves to humor and merriment? What types of spanking stories make you laugh?

If you would like to submit a humorous contribution to our brunch discussion, please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of the discussion.

Quiz: My Love Life

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?

You must like to spank or be spanked, because your romance is remeniscent of Secretary. A truly modern love story, it shows that you don't need to be conventional to be normal. You're probably the type that owns a whole lot more leather than what's upholstering your car or sofa. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Yep, I do know...

Top Ten: Why I Hate an Unbalanced Spanking

Have you ever received a spanking that was unbalanced? By that, I mean one where one unfortunate cheek takes the bulk of the punishment? I really dislike that!

Here's why:

1. Who wants half a spanking?


2. Striking one spot over and over is simply not fair


3. Heaven gave me two cheeks, and now I give them both to you. Please use them appropriately!


4. Captain, we're listing to starboard!


5. It violates Nature's symmetry


6. Look, how often do I ask you to keep spanking?


7. Have you never heard of equal play for equal quirk?


8. Life is about balance in all things


9. Repeating the same motion over and over makes the spanker susceptible to repetitive stress injuries


10. It messes up my wiggle

So, all you spankers out there, I'm not asking you to ease up. Just even up, OK?

Keyword Chaos

Here's a change of pace. How about some Keyword Chaos? What follows are phrases people entered into search engines that led them to this blog.

• list of spanking blogs - Look to your right -->


• panty gusset pics - OK, now, big smile...


• secret service impressed by california businesswoman - This is about as unlikely as any search phrase I've seen. It goes to prove that on the web, you just never know.


• spank curtsy - One must employ proper manners when attending a formal discipline session


• spanking big round bottoms - For some strange reason, I get lots of these


• spanking sin - So, let me get this straight. Is the spanking itself the sin, or is it the punishment for some other sin?


• secretary secret spanking - I have to think that if you whack somebody's bottom in an office, it's not going to stay a secret for long


• allday butt plug - Is that anything like a Black Cow?


• spank tits balls held tears forced cum sorority - These gals sure know how to throw a party!


• sex spankying - For people who like a little nookeying with their spankying


• what's new handprints spanking - It's the five finger salute


• butt plug underwear - Always an understated fashion choice


• i'm hot, tight, aggressive bottom. is very good. - I think that phrase might have lost something in translation


• why bottoms go red after being spanked - Because they are beaming from all the attention


• nipple clamp enema beg - Huh?


• mommy spanks email - Bad spammer!


• spank cried rectum - ...And the wind cried Mary


• are you going to spank my bun sir pictures - Oh please, Sir Pictures, not the flash!


• inside my panties - I'm guessing that's a show sort of like "Inside the Actors' Studio"


• a proper spanking - It beats an improper spanking any day!


• cliff smarts holidays in ireland - Coming up on today's episode of Lost on the Internet...


• diy and personal lubricant and recipe and sex and make your own ingredients - One part Mazola, two parts baby oil


• tonya harding wedgie pics - In this weird world, those photos might actually exist


• wife needs to be spanked chores - If it feels like a chore to spank your wife, you're probably not doing it right


• kevlar thongs - The new definition of toughness


• woman who offer spankings - Two for a nickel, five for a dime?


• learning to spell fly swatter spanking - It's remarkable how often we spankos need to spell those words


• six of the best caning - Why does no one ever get six of the well above average?


• normal spankings - Abnormal spankings are so much more exciting


• hard girdle spankings - Why would anyone wear a hard girdle?


• panty assignment - OK, Gloria, you get these flowered bikinis...


• nylon surprise - I screamed when the nightgown jumped out of the drawer


• photos visual panty lines - Got lines?


• punished big ass - Oh, no, I don't want to be punished big


• supergirl thongs on bare asses - Are they bare or are they wearing thongs? ...And what does Supergirl have to do with any of this?


• precisely spanked - I definitely appreciate a man with good aim


• shoe store skirt salesman panties - When I go to the shoe store, I steer clear of those pesky skirt salesmen


• cheerleader wedgies - Rah Rah Rah, Hut Hut Hut, get this thing outa my butt!


• anal sex badly - If you're going to do it badly, I think it's better to skip it altogether!


• raunchy ladies underwear - I've heard that some raunchy ladies don't wear any underwear at all


• funny spanking of asses - Some guy in a clown nose paddled me with a floppy orange shoe


• pure spankings - New from Time-Life Media, here's the CD box set that no spanko household can do without


• what to wear to a spanking - Nothing is always a popular choice


• free spanking - Wouldn't this make a great protest sign?


• my aunty wears pantyhose - Amazing! So does mine.


• panty girdle discipline - The mere threat would be enough to make me behave!


• spicy food ass crack burn sore - There's a kink we hadn't considered


• bare butt baboon pictures - As opposed to pictures of baboons dressed in evening wear?


• sex with a glass cigar tubes - There's nothing better than a good old-fashioned romp in the humidor


• visible panty line inspections spanking humiliation - I'd love to meet the person who gets to be the inspector. Now's there's an unusual occupation!


• sexy girdles worn by tall sexy british girls - This person has a very specialized fetish


• spankee fonder - Does this involve dipping in hot cheese? No, wait, that's fondue.


• doctors recommend spanking foreplay - Really?


• hitachi magic wand how to open - Don't open it. There aren't any batteries. Just plug it in and flip the switch.


• stories remembering getting a hard spanking - Remember? How could I forget?


• spanking tonya harding - Apparently the wedgie wasn't sufficient


• naughty girls get their bottoms paddled - So do nice girls, if they know how to ask


• great spanking sites - I once got a few quick swats on the Golden Gate bridge


• seven straps - The lost scene from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Obsession Detection Reflection Correction

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I hope you and your partner are enjoying a day of love, lust, and adult recreation. I thought this would be a fine time to post my most recent spanking account. Alas, it doesn't have a Valentine's theme. If you prefer a topical spanking, try this story or this one.

Last week, I posted a poll with relatively little accompanying explanation. The poll questioned whether I was obsessed with the subject of spanking. I’d like to now relate the rest of the story.

The tale began about two weeks ago as I was sitting at the computer and busying myself with answering e-mails and laying out the first of our Implement Series posts. Randy popped into the room, observed what I was doing, and commented, “You’re obsessed with spanking.” His tone didn’t even hint of criticism. In fact, I believe he was probably amused by the thought.

Still, that’s a serious charge to drop on someone. To make matters worse, he retreated before I had an opportunity to rebut his claim. Obsessed? I rolled the word around my brain as I stared blankly at the screen. What if it’s true? As moments passed, I became less certain of my own opinion.

An hour or so later, I confronted Randy about his remark. “Do you really think I’m obsessed?” I asked.

“Why, do you?” There are few things more annoying than a partner who answers a question with another question. He was smiling, but he appeared ready to verbally spar.

“No,” I replied definitively. I had now established my position. I mentally prepared myself to defend it.

“So, let’s ask your readers…” I was unprepared for this parry and demonstrated my overconfidence by agreeing. We decided that I would post a very simply worded poll. In addition, we agreed that the outcome would determine who chose the ground rules for a spanking session planned for the following weekend.

- - - - -
We now know that the readers believe, by a two to one margin, that Randy is correct. At least in their view, I am indeed obsessed with all things spanking. My dear husband had already promised me a “serious bare-bottomed spanking” should his position be validated. So it was to be.

Saturday evening was the appointed occasion for the payment of my debt. I felt slightly queasy with anticipation all day. I know this might sound silly to some readers because, after all, Randy has spanked me a thousand times before. I know full well that he won’t allow any harm to come to me, beyond the unavoidable posterior distress. Yet, I felt a certain trepidation as I worked though my weekend chores.

We watched a film on television early in the evening and not a word was spoken about what might follow. However, as soon as the credits rolled, Randy gave me explicit orders. We told me to go upstairs to our bedroom, strip, and lie face down on the bed. I considered those words to be fair warning that I was due for the full treatment.

I walked upstairs and positioned my nude body prone atop the bed, just as I had been instructed. As is his habit, Randy waited several minutes before joining me. I presume this time is intended to allow me to fully contemplate my fate, but it’s equally possible that he simply finds something else to temporarily occupy his attention.

Oddly, I didn’t hear Randy on the stairs. My first awareness of his presence was the sound of his hand slowly turning the doorknob to our bedroom. I jumped with surprise. When he walked through the doorway, I was no longer in my designated spot, but had rolled over to see him enter.

“Get back down on that bed like I told you.” His voice was clear and strong. Though his message was mildly scolding, his tone was playful. Obediently, I buried my head in my pillow. My man uttered something about extra strokes, but I was ready to just take my spanking and get it done.

Randy, of course, had other ideas. What I felt next was not a spanking implement striking against my bottom, but his rough hands massaging my shoulders, neck, and upper back. I can’t deny that these sensations felt wonderful, but they had the effect of turning up my nervous tension another notch. Soon, he was repeatedly kissing my skin in conjunction with the rubbing. I gasped when he nibbled my earlobe. If he sought to draw out my carnal desire, it surely worked. But I couldn’t escape that gnawing sense of worried expectation.

When the inevitable spanking came, Randy began by applying his hand. The swats were not only quite tolerable, they felt great. He struck the meaty portion of my bottom just hard enough to raise a nice sting. I entertained the fleeting thought that perhaps I had won the wager after all.

Randy soon after switched to the crop. Our crop is relatively short and light. Unlike the standard equestrian variety, this whip is not terribly severe. With flicking blows, he added punctuation to his earlier message. It definitely hurt, but I was enjoying every minute.

After about five minutes or so (it’s hard to judge time when someone is beating your bottom), Randy brought in the heavy artillery in the form of our dogleg hairbrush. This is such an effective and memorable spanking tool that I chose to feature it for the Implement Stories logo. Little did I realize that my selection would provide inspiration for this event.

The hard, smooth brush generates very different sensations than the crop that preceded it. It’s sufficiently heavy that it inflames the deep tissues of the buttocks as well as the surface. Each impact of the brush yields a loud “thwack” sound. For the recipient, every blow produces an intense, burning pain. After three or four solid swats, I was ready to escape. Fortunately or unfortunately, Randy’s steady left hand in the center of my lower back ensured that I would remain in place until I was thoroughly roasted. Unable to exit, I screamed instead. Undeterred, Randy continued to spank with a slow, regular pace.

Just about the time I thought that I couldn’t possibly accept any more, he dropped the brush. I felt limp. All of my emotions had been emptied out on that bed. Before I had any chance to regain my senses, Randy pulled me up to a hands and knees position by the end of the bed. When his hand explored between my thighs, he discovered a wellspring of desire. “Hmmmm…” He said as if somehow surprised by my body’s reaction to the vigorous spanking.

As he stood at the foot of the bed he grasped my hips, pulled me close, and entered me easily. As we proceeded to make love, the pleasurable coital joy was spiced with acute discomfort from the spanking each time his pelvis made contact with my freshly reddened bottom. I find this blend of sensations to be incredibly intoxicating. He too found his release as we bucked together in lovers’ bliss.

So there you have it. I would like to offer my thanks to everyone who voted, even those who just wanted to see me take a hard spanking. It’s unlikely that I will be making any more bets with Randy any time soon. The again, when one has an obsession, anything is possible.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to show your love! I encourage you to make it an occasion to remember.

Keywords: spanking, hairbrush, crop, spanking story, spanking and sex, Bonnie, spanking bet

Implement Stories #10: Danielle

Here's Danielle! She's going to tell us about her leather slapper paddle and how she acquired it.

A year ago, in January 2006, we 'met' another couple. While I was reading the comments on MBS, I saw one asking for contact. I thought, "why not?" and responded. Soon I got an e-mail address. After the first mail, we had a good laugh. We were writing in English, but we were all Dutch. They even lived only 80 km away from us.

At first, the approach was with care. Talking with someone about spanking and your sex life is a bit different than discussing the weather. But we liked each other. Once, talking about implements (always by mail), I asked B if he could recommend an address for leather paddles. I'd seen them on different spanking sites, but found them rather expensive. I wondered if maybe there was a shop in Holland to buy them. However, B suggested that he could make one himself. "Yes please," I said. We had a deal.

The first of April (Fools day in Holland), they intended to visit us and bring the paddle. We both were a bit nervous. I'd told my husband about my fantasy. He wasn't totally convinced I could do that.

It was a bright day, with sunshine all over the village. We were sitting in the garden when two people approached us with "We presume we have to be here." They had big smiles on their faces.


We had coffee and I admired my leather paddle and a lovely mini carpet beater I got as a present. Was it because of nerves that I forgot to thank them properly?

Maybe, but my husband was annoyed by my behaviour. He ordered me upstairs for a sound spanking with the new paddle. Our friends were invited to watch, and they eagerly did.

A few days afterward, we named our paddle "Slapper." It has used for punishment spankings as well as erotic.

Thank you, Danielle! I'm thrilled to learn about how your friendship began through MBS. I think that's wonderful!

Keywords: implement stories, leather paddle, spanking

Implement Stories #9: Don

To give credit where credit is due, Don provided the inspiration for the first implement stories series. Here is his description of a very special wooden spoon.

This spoon is our favorite. OK, OK, maybe it's just my favorite.


It is hand carved from Arkansas Cherry. The unique thing about it is
that is was specially made. Note that the working side is not as deep
as it would need to be to serve as a spoon. It is shallow, just right
for the entire surface to contact with a bottom cheek. A little air
is trapped in the dished out section, giving the most pleasing thwump.

The handle is adequately long and the swing weight is just right with
most of the weight in the business end.

This spoon has been well tested. It convinced one young lady that
smoking was something she could live without.

Thank you, Don. I have no doubt that you and that spoon, working together, would be a most persuasive combination!

If you would like to explore even more great spanko toys, I invite you to check out recent implement-related posts from our friends Tracy, Abel, and Dave.

Keywords: implement stories, wooden spoon, spanking

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 11

This week, our brunch topic was Valentine's Day spanking wishes.

Elis: Valentine’s Day – a spanko’s dream! I love candles in the bedroom. Candles make an evening seem so special. But when I think of the perfect evening the first thing that comes to mind is s-l-o-w! I want the evening to last. I want a long, slow warm-up. I want to start with my clothes on and to have them taken off one piece at a time. I want to start off with something light, just a bit stingy until I am warmed thoroughly. Then I want the heavier toy to come out for intense play. After a spanking like that the sex is always sooo wonderful! I am in the mood to do anything and enjoy every minute of it!

OPB: Oh yes. That's the style. I like candles, a nice meal - not too heavy - a warm bath together, and the room warm enough so that we don't need to get under the covers. Then get dressed again in something alluring, only so that we can have the fun of slow, slow removal. A freshly bathed bot is always softer, warmer, and more tempting. Next is a spot of gentle mutual spanking, followed by more firm attention to make the aforementioned bot assume a rosy glow, and not just because of the bath. And then, well, you know the rest.

Jean Marie: The two previous postings are marvelous. I'd add some novelty. I've had every type of implement utilized across my deserving derriere for a dose of discipline, including many improvised ones. For Valentine's Day, after that bubble-bath for two and a long warm-up hand spanking, I'd love for my lover to take several of the long stem roses from the vase of the dozen he'd bestowed upon me earlier in the evening. Florists remove the thorns these days. The stem is more whippy than a crop or cane; several of them used simultaneously would intensify the sting, kind of like a cat-tailed flogger. I want my lover to whip me with roses until the pink/peach-colored blossoms burst after repeated impact, and shower my pinkened peach of a posterior with fragrant petals. When I'm well-whipped, he can roll me over and grind the petals into the satin sheets with my ass as he takes me...

Galros: I don't have anyone this year for Valentine's, but here’s what I'd like... A long bath, surrounded by candles, relaxing for both of us, nice bottle of wine, a slow languorous drying off, with particular attention being paid to certain bits, a long, slow warm up in front of the fire, with touching and rubbing in between spanking, moving onto heavier and harder implements, but always coming back to his hands, teasing and fondling, constantly bringing me close to the edge and then back again, full service to him, keeping him happy, on my knees to please him, exposed everywhere to him, for him to do as he wishes... Finishing off wrapped in his arms, my bum firmly squished up against him so I can sleep with the tingle and pain and ache all night. It might happen!

Paul: Mel would ask me to go out for the afternoon and be back for 6 PM. I bought roses, chocolates and sexy lingerie. Next came a candle lit dinner, with Mel wearing only the new lingerie. When the meal was over, we would wonder upstairs. Nothing was hurried. We had all the time we needed. Mel received all she needed as did I, warm, loved and content.

MaggieDear: Oh this one's easy! He would finally acknowledge spankings, the proper way! After a nice light dinner, a slow shower, soft, light jazz in the background, spankings, long, slow, intensifying and building to total ecstasy, the way he's built to do! My end of the plans are made! :)

Mary: I think a long luxurious good girl spanking sounds like the perfect treat for Valentine’s Day. Tigger: Mmm... Dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, followed by a long, sensual spanking, and lovemaking!

Bonnie: Randy and I really get into our Valentine’s celebrations. These events generally involve some romancing, such as dinner, a live performance, or a movie. Spanking on this evening is pure foreplay. The goal is a nice, warm, stinging bottom and a roaring lust. A small leather paddle would be ideal for this purpose. He takes his time so as to ensure we will not miss any of these amazing sensations.

The lovemaking that surely ensues is slow and passionate. It would be followed by a prolonged embrace that fades gently into satisfied slumber.

To spice things up, we could add a little light bondage to the mix. That’s always fun. Another option would be a new setting. I love it when he sweeps me away to a surprise destination (although since V-day is in the middle of the week, that’s less likely this year).

The whole idea of Valentine’s Day is the celebration of romantic love, partnership, and Eros. There are many, many ways to celebrate, but all of them focus upon shared mutual enjoyment. May this occasion bring you and your partner closer and renew your love.

Grizzly Bear: Some bondage is always welcome. However, we decided that this Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to try out a new electro-spanking implement. My girl is going to bend over as I zap her ass with an electric paddle.

Thank you all for sharing your wonderfully romantic visions.

Keywords: spanking, Valentines spanking, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch

MBS Spanko Brunch #56

Welcome back, everyone, to our weekly spanko brunch. This forum is a chance for us cyber-spankos to get together and discuss relevant (and sometimes irrelevant) topics of the day. I invite you to pull up one of these nicely padded chairs and join in the fun.

I probably don't need to remind you that Valentine's Day is later this week. It's the one day of the year dedicated to lovers. The red and pink hearts displayed everywhere can't help but remind a spanko of the sport we love. Quite naturally, our question this week deals with this most romantic of holidays.

What could your spanko partner do this year to make Valentine's Day extra special? If you don't have a spanko partner right now, how might your dream evening unfold?

If you would like to submit a contribution to our brunch discussion, please leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of the discussion.

Implement Stories #8: Carye

Carye is a longtime friend of MBS. Despite an incredibly busy life, she finds the energy to add her wisdom to many of our discussions. That's why I am delighted to present a trio of effective spanking implements recommended by Carye and her Papa Shrek.


We own three implements :-) The first one we got was a dogging bat. I enjoy this one. It has a nice sting with a little something extra. It is leather with a metal piece inside. We found it at a farm store. It is normally used for horseback riding. It is noisy though!


Our most fierce paddle, and the one I fear the most, is called the Mistake from the Hanson Paddle Werks. Papa Shrek got this for me after a serious infraction! We've had lots of fun with it. I enjoy it, but it can really pack a wallop! If you go to the link, there is an interesting story of how it came about. It is slightly larger than a Texas prison strap.


My personal favorite is the Hickory Smacker from Spanking Paddles by Walt. For some reason, I really love the wood feel of this paddle. One of the reasons I like it best is because Papa Shrek can be the closest to me while using it. It also packs a great spank. There is something about the cool wood that I really enjoy feeling before and after a spanking. One interesting side note is that we actually came up with Caryagal (Carye) as my blog name because Carya is the biological genus name for hickory!

Thank you, Carye! Those toys look as though they would provide many hours of enjoyment, particularly in the skilled hands of Papa Shrek.

There's still time left if you would like us to feature your "weapons of ass destruction." Simply drop me an e-mail with your stories and/or photos.

Keywords: implement stories, wooden paddle, leather paddle, dogging bat, leather slapper, spanking

Spanking Survey

Paige Tyler (aka Tigger) has long been one of our most dedicated readers. Her comments during brunch and elsewhere are always supportive and insightful. I really appreciate all she contributes to My Bottom Smarts.

Our dear Tigger is also an accomplished and successful author of spanking fiction. She's asked me to mention that she is conducting a survey at her site and would welcome your participation. I encourage you to drop by and share your input.

Thanks!

Implement Stories #7: Wolfie

For our next Implement Stories installment, it's my pleasure to present Wolfie and her twin leather paddles. They really look delicious!

Like Pagan, I'm a big fan of Leather Thorn paddles. By the way, I've felt the "Pagan" paddle. It's so large it can knock you down if you're not braced for it. LOL Anyway, I wanted to buy my Dom something nice for Christmas (and something I would enjoy as well). I contacted John about buying one of his "Brat" paddles. He said he would be glad to send me one and asked me about colors, patterns, and such. Then he mentioned he had a nice "Beavertail" of the same size if I wanted that instead. Being a lady who loves her Dom, I decided to buy both, and asked if he could make them an identical pair. As you can see from the picture, he was glad to do so.


We call them "the Twins," and since I've felt them both, I can say that they're wonderful! The craftmanship is fantastic... such beautiful tooling on one side, every edge rounded and smooth. My Dom says their very comfortable for him to hold, and he plans on buying more of John's handiwork in the very near future.

I would recommend a Leatherthorn paddle to anyone wanting quality work. He has tawses and straps as well, and he will make your purchase as personal as you like. I'm so glad John was recommended to me.

Now that's an enthusiastic endorsement. Thank you, Wolfie, for sharing your paddles. There's just some special about a spanking with leather.

Keywords: implement stories, leather paddle, spanking