My Bottom Smarts: The Origin Story

Anon asked:

I'm curious about the title "My Bottom Smarts". The obvious literal interpretation is "my butt stings", but it occurs to me that a more subtle (and meaningful) interpretation is "my submissive insights". Are there any stories behind the creation of the title?

That's precisely the explanation. It's a double entendre. I selected that name when I created the blog and it stuck. I wanted something clever, yet descriptive. I've never found a reason to change it.

In fact, on that very first day back in September 2005, I decided upon most of the blog's distinguishing design elements - bright white 12 point Trebuchet text on a dark red background, two column presentation with menus to the right, and the bottom smarts avatar. This style has become the brand.

I had been reading spanking blogs for about a year and thought that I could do this too. I am an experienced journalist and writing is my trade. I believed I had some different perspectives to bring to the marketplace, plus a library of forty or so first person spanking accounts to share.

Randy and I had a lengthy conversation before I began. Blogging was something I really wanted to try and I felt like I could do it well. He was concerned that I could be outed or stalked. We encountered the latter problem a few years earlier because I shared information in a careless way. It was scary, but nothing truly bad happened. Randy insisted that I conduct my online relationships in a specific manner, and I have ever since.

So I jumped in. It was a rainy autumn Saturday. Randy was watching football. It was easy. The blog provided an opportunity to stretch my creative legs in ways not possible in my structured work environment. It was fun. I dropped some of my best stories, sometimes multiple times per day. But I heard only crickets. I had few readers and almost no comments.

Because I enjoyed publishing with no constraints, I continued. I linked and commented on spanking blogs that I hoped might notice me. Eventually, they returned the favor and MBS came to life as more and more engaged spankos joined in the fun.

Most of signature features of the blog appeared during those first six months - the blogroll, spanking accounts, fiction, weekly brunches, the mailbag, tutorials, games, humor, Ask Bonnie, quizzes, drop down links, silly search terms, poetry, song parodies, even an early variation of Love Our Lurkers! Soon, MBS had attracted hundreds of thousands of hits. But it all started very small.

MBS Spanko Brunch #193

Thank you to everyone who send their blogaversary wishes. Your steadfast support, both public and private, makes me smile and inspires me to continue. That brings us to our topic this week.

Milestones in life provide us with an opportunity to ponder the scenery that has passed and wonder about the road ahead. After four years of blogging, I've quite frankly used most of my best ideas (and some of them, multiple times). So in my quest to blog on, I find myself turning to that most reliable of sources: You, my faithful readers!

Can My Bottom Smarts, or any single topic blog, continue to deliver quality content indefinitely? Should I broaden the subjects covered, invite more guest posts, highlight favorite posts from other blogs, or just somehow find more time to write?

Am I missing a great topic that I should have covered a long time ago? Or is there an old topic I could improve?

Should I take on a partner in hopes of adding a new spark to this old blog? Is it perhaps time for MBS to morph into something else? These are the questions I think about while lying awake in bed late at night. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I always appreciate kind words, but your straight talk is probably more valuable right now.

I hope you'll leave me a comment and share your ideas. I won't necessarily post a summary this time. I just want to hear what you think.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 17

Our question this week came from Greenwoman. She asked about limits possibly being a barrier to submission. Here are your thoughts.

Abby: Having my own blog has allowed me to sort out these types of issues, and the question of limits and barriers is one I have certainly struggled with over the years.

I have finally landed at a place where I don't have set limits, but that is after fifteen years of experimenting and getting to know myself. I don't think limits should ever be up to the partner. That may sound denying at first, or topping from below, but I really do believe that what we experience is personal. We may be willing to experience more with one partner rather than another, but ultimately, these are our bodies and no one else's. That goes for tops as well as bottoms. You should never be made to inflict more pain than you are willing to cause, just as bottoms should never have to bear more than they are willing to receive.

Full submission is giving everything one has. If I only have 12 strokes in me, then my partner taking 24 is inappropriate, unless I have signaled that after 12, I'm ready for more. If I have 48 in me, and only 12 are taken, I'm going to be left feeling unfulfilled. But what if my partner isn't up for inflicting that much punishment?

It's a known fact that people sometimes fake orgasm, out of exhaustion or kindness or some other personal reason. Sometimes, you might have a great experience, but you're just not going to come. Corporal punishment is no different. Sometimes, you might not be able to give or receive everything you want, but you have to make do with what is there. If you're in a partnership, that's more important than personal fulfillment. And personal limits are more important than the partnership. It's all about knowing what is right for you and your partner, and being willing to give and receive accordingly.

For newbies, I would recommend never being afraid of one's own limits. I used to even avoid fiction concerning the cane, and if you know me now, you know it's my favorite implement. That's after years of exploration. We do this because we love it, and because we love those with whom we do it. Pushing our limits is fun. Breaking them before we're ready can be devastating. So explore, slowly and steadily, and if my own experience is anything to go on, your partner will grow with you.

Anon #1: I tend to be someone who avoids taking unnecessary risk. Therefore, I avoid anything other than the hand. Such implements were used on me in a less than appropriate manner when I was a very young child. Because of this, I am afraid of the belt or anything other than the hand. It’s a bit like the saying "Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me."

There are even limits on what I will allow with the hand. After one boyfriend left bruises on me with his hand, I decided that I will only allow it so hard and no harder. I am afraid to push that limit for fear it could turn abusive, even though I love my husband dearly. I understand things are different with one partner than with another. But some things are hard to get over, like three abusive boyfriends before I got married. I love and trust hubby, but still there is only so far I allow him to go. I know now never to push the limits.

Mary: I think limits are healthy. I love the way Abby talked about submission as giving all that you have. I have also found that as trust has been allowed to grow, things I once feared are now actually craved. I think it is about exploration. When one of us presents an idea, we allow the other time to mull it over (we are both a bit cerebral that way). Sometimes, fears and concerns are discussed. Sometimes, I have provided a tiny opening, or he has threatened to use something if I don't change my actions (thus giving me a chance to NOT go there – it’s very effective at times). But having the idea out there starts to build curiosity. Eventually, I might indicate a circumstance where something would be okay. Then, the magic is that whenever anything is new, it is introduced so gently and in small bits. We don't worry about "topping" as although discipline and play are part of the relationship. The decision about what action is disciplined and what punishment/or play is okay is decided with mutual respect and each honoring each other's limits as well as exploring each other's desires.

Anon #2: There are many kinds of limits including physical, mental, and emotional limits. My former top accused, convicted, and scheduled me for punishment for something I did not do. He didn’t even bother to ask me if I had done it. If it had been the first time, I might have been able to forgive. But it was not. If it had been for something silly, it would have been OK. But it was not. I had been willing to go far outside of my comfort zone to please her. I wanted to make it work. She found my limit, insisted that I go farther, and then we were no more.

PM Duo: I think of limits more as yield signs. For us, they are a place where we stop and talk about how we think extending the limit will feel and how we want to handle it if it doesn't work for one of us.

What we've decided is that it definitely has to stop at the place where one partner is uncomfortable. Over a nine year span, we've tried a lot of different things and pushed our limits pretty regularly. We've found there are things that I like that he is simply not comfortable doing and vice-versa.

One good example is bondage. He brought it up and I was in favor of it though a little nervous. We talked about it for a couple of weeks before deciding to try it. Now, mind you, this was pretty mild bondage, he used scarves tied very loosely. For the first couple of minutes, I kind of enjoyed it and then, for some reason, I just freaked out and became hysterical. He immediately took them off and comforted me. I'm still not sure why it affected me so strongly.

In the physical aspect of our relationship, I'm definitely submissive and willing to let him do pretty much anything he wants, but this was something I just couldn't handle. Later, when we discussed it, he admitted that he had really enjoyed it (up until I became hysterical), but neither one of us was willing to do something again that so clearly upset me.

Neither one of us think I am any less submissive because I'm unwilling to be tied up. It's a limit that we tried to transcend, but it didn't work and we both respect that.

Daisy: No one can give more than their all. And no loving partner would want or expect more than that.

There is nothing wrong with gently pushing/testing the limits of a partner, as long as both have the confidence and trust in each other to say, "that’s enough," and knowing it will not cause resentment. I do not feel that having a point beyond which you cannot go is a barrier to full submission at all. There are many reasons why this may be the case. Pushing beyond limits could damage the relationship if either partner is unable to go there and feels pressured. Use intuition, instinct, sensitivity, and intimate knowledge of your partner’s needs, and with good communication, you can't go far wrong.

Dr. Ken: There are limits, and then there are hard limits. You can push the limits a little bit – I think most spankees expect it, to a small extent – but a hard limit you do not break, you do not go beyond, and you do not push. Everyone has hard limits. There are things they will not do. There are points you just don't exceed. And if your partner is any kind of a partner at all, they know and accept that and don't try to force the issue.

The question states, "However, in a trusting relationship, limits can seem as though they are barriers to full submission." I totally disagree with that sentence. Someone's limits were probably in place long before they entered into a trusting relationship, and once in a relationship, you trust the other person will respect your limits. Trying to force someone to go beyond what they're willing to take starts becoming abusive, IMO...

Hermione: I agree with Daisy. There is nothing wrong with pushing the limits of either partner if you are in a trusting relationship. Trust is the key to it. And as Dr. Ken said, spankees expect their limits to be pushed a certain amount.

I also disagree that limits are a barrier to full submission. I fully submit to my husband, regardless of which end of the scale we are playing at in terms of either his or my limits. The more each of us pushes our own personal limits, the farther we can comfortably go. As Mary said, it's about exploration. Ron has gone far beyond what was once the limit of how hard he would play, and he has taken me past anything I have previously experienced. But it took time and patience to get there.

Limits can and do change over time, although they don't have to if it isn't right for you. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

Paul: I think that the answer, from the Top’s point of view, lies in the ability to read one’s partner. Of course, limits must be respected on both sides.

Where love, trust and communication exist, problems shouldn't arise.

Greenwoman: This question has dangled in my consciousness for years now. It’s a part of my ongoing internal inquiry as a submissive. So it felt interesting to me to share it with the community when it rose in me again recently... leading to some big decisions for me.

In reading today, I have related to most everyone in one aspect or another. I think that my overall viewpoint is like Abby's. I think it needful to stop when I'm well cooked, and not before or after. Frankly, that does vary from day to day.

And my other overall remark echoes Dr. Ken and Paul's viewpoints. Hard limits have to be respected by all concerned, as they are a matter of essential trust.

Part of the reason this question is of interest to me is, like the first anonymous commenter, I experienced abuse as a girl. There are some types of play that are a serious stretch or that are absolutely hard limits for me when they might otherwise not be. So, my answer has always been to stop while I'm whole.

Him: In my mind, limits are fluid, ill-defined things. They seem (for me) to change from day to day.

On the bottom, I've rarely had my limits pushed. I can think of only one occasion where it had gotten close to a danger zone, and the entire time She had been very careful to stay in tune with me.

Limits are harder when I'm on the top. It's fun to push them, to keep gently pressing Her past the point where she wants to stop. I can tell when it's time to stop, but actually stopping is quite an act of will!

Are limits an obstacle to submission? I don't think so, and that's what counts for me. I don't think there's a single gold standard definition on submission... which is part of the beauty of it.

RPT: Before any limits get pushed, the participants should talk about it. We know where the limits are, and sometimes, it's nice to be pushed. So a talk about how and when and where is the prologue to the play. Then, afterwards, we discuss how it worked out.

But effective communication is the secret to a good relationship, whatever the style, vanilla or kinky.

Dragon Mage: From my point of view (as the dominant partner), limits are not barriers to full submission. When we began to explore BDSM, Luvbunny had several limits that have since been expanded. She still has a few that remain and she has at least one that we tried to stretch. She wanted to move past it very badly as it was something that I wanted, but she simply is not able to go past that limit (as Greenwoman and others posted, this limit is related to abuse when she was a child).

It is certainly possibly to not push far enough, and also to push too far. I don't think there is an easy or simple answer regarding when pushing limits should stop. With some limits, we stop sooner than others.

Elle: If you love and trust someone, you respect their limits. In the past, I have had issues with men who clearly didn't love me or who I really shouldn't have trusted. These incidents left me severely bruised or bleeding and generally went far beyond the kinky fun that I'm interested in.

I'm not someone who enjoys anything too extreme. My kink is about sensual and sexual pleasure and not discipline or serious pain. Limits are fluid (as has already been said) and mine do change. But, in general, I would say compatibility and mutual trust remove the need for specified limits as such. If you and your partner are in tune with each other, you can communicate your needs (even if they vary from time to time) without having explicit barriers.

I find it's different every single time, and that's as it should be. If I ever start finding sex boring, I'll know it's the end of it all.

Maryann: Thanks for the topic. All the responses are very helpful to a newbie like me.

I started with Bonnie's blog in my spanking education and assumed I'd be a lot like her ~ submissive sexually and for spanking play, but not for discipline/punishment. In just a few short months, that is already changing a little. I followed a series of posts by Mike on Spanked Hubby" about the benefits of loving discipline and began to get more comfortable with the idea. Now we are slowly moving the game a little deeper.

Like so many who have already posted, I like to have my limits stretched. But Max would not allow me to go too far too fast. That is the wonderful thing about having such a responsible, loving Top! He sets the limits and holds me back most of the time. So, when does push a limit of mine, I pretty much trust him to know what is good for me.

I'm as submissive to Max as he and I want right now, so I guess that is the only limit that counts.

M.Yu: Excellent discussion. Please accept this award from a humble admirer.

Wow. Thank you, M.Yu!

Lucy: There are some limits that, given the right timing, I will push. I think most limits can be pushed a little, but there are some that I have for a reason. I know that certain things are beyond my ability to tolerate and will ultimately cause strife between me and my Top. To me, it's doesn't show a lack of submission to acknowledge that you are human and can only be pushed so far before you snap.

Naomi: I think there are definitely limits, but it is important that you both know them! I don't think anyone should get in a serious 'spanking' relationship where trust and knowledge of one another isn't developed all the way.

It is important for the spanker to KNOW the limits of the person he's spanking. Scott and I use a safeword, and there are times where I call it. Before he'll stop completely, he questions me. Usually he'll stop, but we always continue the spanking later. I don't feel less submissive, and I don't think it makes anyone less submissive.

I think that if you truly trust the person who is spanking you, your limits are a bit more than what they would be if it were someone that you DIDN'T trust. If you trust someone completely, you will know, even when it seems to be too much, that they won't do more than you can handle.

Terpsichore: Being new to this, I find everyone's comments and sharing to be very helpful and thought provoking. Much of what has been said speaks to me, such as mutual trust and respect, giving all that you have, listening to one another, exploring slowly and steadily to find one's and one's partner's limits, knowing your partner well enough to know when to push and when not to, and it being about the journey. There are a lot of great thoughts. I am afraid I have not much to add, but thank you. :-)

K: I'm sure I have limits, but they are not clearly defined yet. We are still exploring and experimenting and learning what we like or don't like. I haven't had any limits pushed. If anything, I may have pushed my hubby's limits by asking for more than he was comfortable with. He's discovered he likes spanking me hard, though we probably don't play nearly as hard as some couples do. I think I may have created a monster, but one I'm thoroughly enjoying.

Submission isn't really something we have much experience with. I've given my submission verbally, but Hubby is only just starting to embrace the idea and explore what he can do with it. I don't think discovering my limits will diminish my submission.

Bonnie: I choose to frame the issue a bit differently. I believe that submission is a precious gift. A gracious recipient will accept it as such. No gift encompasses all things in the world. Rather, this gift comes with a few sensible boundaries. The dominant may sometimes desire to extend those boundaries, and with prior consent, may do so. With mutual understanding and effective communication, endless adventures are available.

Thank you all for making this a fascinating brunch topic. I really enjoyed reading the many various perspectives. I hope you'll stop again next week!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 10

Our topic for this week was favorite spanking stories, fables, myths, or movies. Here are your thoughts.

Ms. Betty: I choose the Princess Bride, or the beginning of it, anyway.

I've never been the same since the first time I heard Westley whisper "as you wish."

It still makes my toes tingle...

Fanny: I have always wanted to write a different version of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." Can you just imagine how it would be for her to be the submissive to SEVEN men? As a psychologist, I realize the story was told in preparing a young woman for what her "duty" was in the world. It’s a story that illustrates the woman's tasks and the importance of learning them in puberty. However, it has always held a deeper meaning for me, and even though spanking is not in the story itself, I'm sure that in answering to seven men, Snow White wasn't always the perfect submissive. She had to be disciplined at some point in her life with them. Ah, the twists and turns a kinky and devious mind can take! Enough to make a girl wilt!

Daisy: I love the film "The Iron Maiden. It’s about a steam traction engine that gets damaged by an American lady who acts throughout like a spoiled brat until the very English owner snatches her up and throws her over his knee for a spanking. This shocks the life out of her, and needless to say, they eventually fall in love.

If I found any other film containing spanking I would love it. Unfortunately, I don't get to watch movies very often! The Quiet Man contains references to spanking, but it never actually happens... disappointing! Little House on the Prairie was my introduction to spanking, but that was children. When I was a child, I was terrified of the thought of spanking, even though it fascinated me. Apparently, True Grit contains spanking. I must try to get hold of a copy! Has anyone got a list of good films? ;)

Paul: I suppose Goldilocks would have been my first dream of spanking. If ever a girl was a brat and needed a spanking, it was her.

PM Duo: I've always been fond of the I Love Lucy episodes where Ricky pulls Lucy over his knee and spanks her!

Hermione: The movie version of St. Joan, George Bernard Shaw's play about Joan of Arc, had a moment that resonated and has stayed with me. It is the scene where Joan is bound to the stake and the fire is lit. The close-up of Jean Seberg's face, full of anguish and pain, defiance and resignation, struck a chord.

Joan was certainly a dominant and determined young woman, strong enough to lead an army to victory. Yet she was also submissive: to the voices that instructed her, to her king, and to her captors.

Radagast: The Gor books by John Norman really get to me in a generally kinky way rather than in a directly thematic one. They are poorly written and full of bizarre and, frankly, misogynistic philosophy. But the notion of someone being taken away from this world and put in another where they are forced to submit sexually is a fantasy. Lots of Victorian erotic fiction has the same theme, but the destination is often the "Near East" rather than another planet.

PK: I have to put my vote in for John Wayne in McLintock. First of all, who wouldn't have wanted to be spanked by John Wayne? There are two good spanking scenes in the movie, but that last one, wow, it does hit all spanking buttons. After pushing and pushing, Maureen O'Hara's character realizes he is going to whip her butt as soon as he gets his hands on her. Her flight through the town, knowing what is coming, is priceless! Something else that adds to the movie for me is that later in an interview, O'Hara said that in each take it was a real spanking. He was holding nothing back and was enjoying himself immensely!

Terpsichore: Only the stories in my head that have been with me since childhood :-)

P.S. - I love the movie Princess Bride too... I’m a hopeless romantic I am afraid

luvbunny: I really like the Secretary because, of course, there is a lot of spanking and that movie is very hot.

I love the way she was willing to submit to him and she even let him control her eating habits.

D: I think of Donovan's Reef. It's one of my top five favorite movies with one of my favorite men, John Wayne. To me, he is the definition of a "man's man." I’m a Navy brat and my dad was in WWII, so John Wayne movies were a requirement in our home.

I was born a year before this movie came out (1962), so I can’t tell you the first time I saw it. My guess would be age five or six. What I do know, is that it influenced me quite a bit. I think it’s my first memory of being aroused sexually.

The romantic interest in the movie is a strong woman character who is smart and beautiful, but still has a feminine side. I admired her so, and she was the type of woman I wanted to be.

And what do I remember most? The spanking scene at the end of course! At the time, I thought it was one of the most romantic, thrilling scenes I had ever witnessed. A strong man, taking in hand a strong woman, as she finally submits to him completely and willingly. I longed for a man to do the same to me. I’m sure my vanilla friends would exclaim, “How could a spanking scene be romantic?” Until now, I had to keep that little feeling to myself, but not any longer!

Weasel: The author whose work most affected me concerning women being submissive (or not, and the consequences they incurred) was Sharon Green in both her "Jalav - Amazon Warrior", and "Terrillian" series. Her heroines dealt with offworlders and dominant men. The "Gor" books were too much, but Sharon's characters portrayed independent women being brought to heel by men from otherworldly male-dominant societies.

Greenwoman: I think my mind goes to all of the bad girl character images that were around when I was a kid. Lucy in Peanuts springs to mind rather rapidly. She was sassy to the point of being acerbic and she was mean too. If anyone needed a spanking it was Lucy. I always thought Catwoman needed a spanking and I even ached to spank the Roadrunner. He was just so... untouchably irritatingly teasing. *grins*

Little Red Riding Hood comes to mind as one that's full of that D/s erotic interplay between the predator/trickster in the innocuous costume which springs up to consume the innocence of the little girl.

Now I think of it there's a lot of potential spanking moments in Gone with the Wind and in the Wizard of Oz.

In more modern times, Secretary has become so popular and I too find it fun to watch. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, is really rather violent and not at all my idea of reality, but it has something appealing in terms of letting all barriers to my aggressive nature out to play ...and that movie amuses me in relationship to it. Besides, who doesn't want to watch Brat Pitt and Angelina Jolie roll around in an aggressive prelude to rutting sex? LOL!

Marcus: I am drawn to the Mord Sith of Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. To me, they are the epitome of dominance in fantasy, though not necessarily reality. At the same time, they submit to their Lord Rahl of Dhara. Their attire is brown, white, or red leather. All of which are worn skin tight. Gloves and boots are also worn as part of the uniform of a Mord Sith. As for their hair, it is long and kept in a single braid down their backs.

Mord Sith are trained with an agiel, a magic red leather rod capable of causing excruciating pain. The agiel is another aspect of submission as its magic is bound to their Lord Rah, who they are sworn to protect at all cost.

Overall, I think that Goodkind weaves dominance and submission into his works fairly well. However, I do find the torture aspect of the Mord Sith to be disturbing in many ways. Goodkind has an answer for this, though. Richard Rahl abolishes the torture the Mord Sith have to go through to become Mord Sith.

Prefectdt: As far as fairy tales go it has to be the one called "Cinderfella" that bounces about in my head.

After being systematically abused and beaten by my evil, yet attractive, stepmother (who looks surprisingly like the dark haired Veronika, from Punished Brats, in black dresses and dark red lipstick), my fairy godmother turns up and well you know the rest. The difference is that in my version, my ugly stepbrothers get killed in a midnight coach chase (with me driving my pumpkin number 7 racing coach) around narrow mountain roads while we are exchanging shots from those lovely late 18th, early 19th century smooth bore pistols (well, I am a bloke :-) ). And when the princess finally claims me as her own, she makes it clear that when she becomes Queen she will be in charge and I will be Prince consort and not king. To make sure that I get the point, she introduces me to her well equipped palace punishment room and her darkest dungeon, just so that I know what the consequences will be if I get too big for my boots.

As far as films go the idea of Susannah York as Section Officer Harvey in the film "Battle Of Britain" marching around in her oh so MMMMMMM! RAF uniform, enforcing her authority with a rod of whatever material she wants to use, pushes a lot of my buttons.

Anon: I remember reading Nancy Friday's book of sexual fantasies, The Secret Garden, as a child and learning that other people had spanking and D/s interests. I stole the book out of my mother's room and it was definitely worth it! Recently, I enjoyed the Secretary.

Maryann: Little Red Riding Hood pushes my submissive buttons. The old woman who lived in a shoe spanking all of her children and sending them to bed captured my attention as a little girl. I now realize I had a fascination with that nursery rhyme. Cinderella is my ultimate fairy tale.

I love the movie version in "Ever After" starring Drew Barrymore. Her character, Danielle, is a wonderfully strong, smart, resourceful submissive. She even gets "a sound lashing" off screen, but we see the bleeding marks on her back. Another scene has her risking a punishment of five days in the stocks if caught dressing like a courtier. Of course, she does it for a noble cause; saving a man from slavery. In the end, she rescues herself from the bad guy, but then her prince is there on bended knee. He loves her for her strength of character and personality. She is no damsel in distress.

I am drawn to really strong characters whose ultimate motivation is a submissive one. Mulan, Belle (from Beauty and the Beast), and Maria from Sound of Music, are among my favorites.

My playful, bratty side appreciates Lilo (from Lilo and Stitch). She is a precious, misunderstood little brat who needs a good spanking, but her heart is pure gold.

Cookie: I have to agree that I like the Secretary movie. But I really like the idea someone had about the seven dwarfs. I will never hear that story the same now. LOL

Bonnie: There are so many influences for me. I’ve discussed a lot of them before, but I truly love Gone with the Wind. How much easier might Scarlett’s life have been had her father, Rhett, Frank, or even wimpy Ashley taken the time to thrash her bottom with a riding crop? OK, I’ll grant you that we would have missed out on some great plot twists, but this to me has always been a great injustice. She so deserved it.

I think my interest in bondage, believe it or not, started with Batgirl. It seemed as though the bad guys tied her up almost every week. Unfortunately, they never managed to do anything with her or to her, but the suggestion was there.

Anon #2: I liked the Doris Day movies and several of the John Wayne ones. Good old fashioned movies sometimes had very funny spankings.

That was a fun brunch! Thanks to everyone for sharing your memories and your inspiration.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 3

Our brunch topic this week was sharing our internet adventures, such as blogging, IM, chats, and forums, with our partners. Here are your thoughts.

Thomas: Being as "out" as I am about my spanking interests, it would be hypocritical of me to hide my activities from those that I'm close to. I've never had any trouble from this, even when those activities included cyberplay in chat rooms or looking for new playmates through personals. It's a part of who I am, and they have always understood that.

Naomi: My husband isn't quite a 'spanko' just yet. He's still embarking on the journey, but he's getting there. As far as him knowing all of what I do, he has an idea. He knows I have a blog. I've shared the link with him, but I don't think he reads it. He knows I participate in forums, and have friends that I talk to over IM.

Sometimes, he's a bit weary about it, and I think it's because he's not quite sure of how the whole 'spanko community' works.

We are currently seeking a disciplinarian, because he just joined the army. This is a big step for him. He is sort of becoming more involved with the search, so every day I am more and more 'out' about the things I do in the 'spankosphere.'

Before he was more involved, I did sort of keep it a secret. I guess I was just scared of his reaction. I would close the windows every time he walked in, and I still do sometimes. But, again, I think it's mostly just that I'm scared of his reaction. Because even though he's slowly transforming into a spanko himself, he still thinks first with his vanilla brain.

Dragonmage: My partner, luvbunny, is very aware of my activities, as she is involved in them. We both blog and chat online, but we don't hide any of these activities from each other.

Abby: Mr. Williams and I always share our Internet travels with one another. Honestly, there are days when I'm tired and I just don't want to know! But we are both short on time lately, and we try to "make the rounds" when we can, and fill each other in on what everybody's up to. We both have sites we tend to gravitate towards (though we both come here!), so it allows us a freedom to fill each other in on the whole of what's going on in the spankosphere.

Thanks to tabs, we also occasionally leave windows open for the other to find, be it featuring toys or a blog we haven't encountered before. I really do have the perfect partner for Internet adventures and otherwise. :-)

Anon: My husband knows I like spanking, but doesn't know I participate here or look at anything related to spanking, be it pictures, stories, etc. There are some times when I quickly push a button and open up something else or close Internet Explorer really fast so he doesn't find out. He already knows I like spanking (and sometimes does it), but I can't put my finger on why I don't want him knowing I blog here and look at the pictures I do.

C: My vanilla husband knows I read blogs. I have tried to get him interested in them as well to help him understand. He knows I like spanking. I do think if I had a blog, I would be hesitant to let him read. Reading others’ musings is different than reading mine. I would be embarrassed.

PM Duo: He knows that I read a lot of blogs and sometimes comment. He isn't really interested in on-line stuff, but I like to send him particularly interesting posts/articles, especially ones with new ideas! Someday, maybe I'll blog about spanking, but I think he probably wouldn't like that too much!

Daisy: My fiance knows I read this blog. I introduced it to him, as he was unsure whether it was right to spank me. It was a worryingly abusive practise to him. So I asked him to read Bonnie’s tutorials, and WOW, he became a wonderful HoH and disciplinarian within hours! Now he can't imagine any other way! I have a tendency to be bossy, and bratty, and cheeky, and sarcastic (need I go on?). As I explained to him, he could either be HoH or henpecked. LOL

He sometimes comments on these brunches, too, and once, after he had sent me to bed, I sneaked on here after saying goodnight to him, and posted a comment. Unfortunately, he also came on after saying goodnight to ME (it’s much earlier in the evening in the States) and saw I had JUST posted it. So, I got in trouble. Oops! I blame you, Bon, for being so addictively readable! But, yes, we are on a learning journey together. It’s great fun and verrrrry sexy!

MP and RPT: We sit side by side on identical twin iMacs surfing for spanko stuff, working, and chatting about what we are doing so it's next to impossible to keep anything secret.

Radagast: My wife, Sandy, and I met in the scene and are both active in it. We both have play partners (aside from each other) and are pretty much aware of every single thing the other does when it comes to spanking play.

PK: I didn't tell Nick when I first started reading. After I started my blog and I realized that he was reading it, I was a little upset - even though I had never tried to hide it. Now, I love that he reads it as well as most of my friends’ blogs.

As I go through my list each morning, I will nearly always find something I especially like and say "Don't forget to check out Bonnie or Eva" or someone else.

I really do not understand men who know that there wives have or read blogs on this topic and they do not read them themselves. Guys - You have a window into how your gal feels and thinks, what she wants and is willing to do. My feelings would be hurt now if Nick knew all that information was out here and just didn't bother to read it.

Can you imagine telling your spouse, "There is something that is so very important to me. It’s something that I need and want so badly, but it is very hard to tell you. Could you please read an article or two that explains it better than I can?" Now, really, if your spouse said that, can you imagine saying, "No thanks I don't want to bother." I would really be hurt.

Fanny: I think that without blogs, especially yours, I would still be unspanked! My journey into the spanko world began in the same way as many other accounts I have read. I Googled spanking, found a lot of scary stuff, and then found your site. From your links I found many other sane and fun blogs. Having articles that explained TTWD in a mature, intelligent way to share with my husband made it so much easier to come out to him.

I love sharing blog stuff I have found when Hubs gets home from work! Sometimes, it is still uncomfortable for me to discuss what I want or need openly, so I show him blog posts that do it for me! That approach makes it easier. Actually I think that at times, I might be "topping from the bottom," but ssshhh, we won't tell him that will we?

Greenwoman: Yes, my husband is aware of my blogging. In fact, sometimes he helps me pick music or Jiggles.

His response to it all is arousal. It enhances our intimacy.

Hermione: Even though I suggested today's topic, I seriously considered skipping brunch so I wouldn't have to reveal my guilty secret to you.

My husband knows I read spanking blogs and comment on them, and that I have a special email account for blogging correspondence. He no longer asks me "who's Bonnie?" or "what's a blog?" He enjoys the blogs with pictures when I send him links to posts I think he'll like, or leave one for him to see on our computer.

My husband doesn't know about the guest posts I have done here and on other blogs. Nor does he know that Hermione's Heart is my blog, or that thousands of readers know him as Ron.

It took me a while to feel comfortable with seeing my words in print on this blog. It took more time to make the decision to have my own blog, and getting used to that was quite an adjustment. I weighed the need to tell him everything against the need to do something that is extremely fulfilling, creative and therapeutic for me. Blogging is something I want to do and I couldn't risk being told I couldn't.

Ron has read a couple of my blog posts and liked them. They weren't ones that contained intimate details. I will probably need to seriously consider what the possibilities of telling him might be, then tell him when the time is right and I am prepared to suffer the consequences. He might be extremely angry, but then again, he might not even care. Or he might laugh and think it's silly.

I have never written anything on my blog that I would be ashamed to have Ron read. Embarrassed, maybe, but not ashamed. In fact, I think he might be pleasantly surprised at how highly I regard him, once he got over the initial shock.

Jessica: Before I "came out" and told him about my interests, my husband did not know I was lurking out here. When I told him, he started reading right away. Now he goes through and looks for my comments. Sometimes, he even goes on my profile on the PC and looks at my history to see what I am interested in. I see it as him doing research about what I like. That's a good thing!

Diesel Diva: My slowly converting vanilla husband doesn't have a clue about my internet activities. He did confess that he read a spanking blog the other day but doesn't know which one. He's becoming more open about spanking and tells me that I'm not weird and, according to the internet, obviously not alone. I'm hoping for LOTS more action in 3 weeks when OUR LAST CHILD MOVES OUT! (Hey, I'm not mean. He's 24, so it's time!) I'll be sharing more of my "secrets" at that time.

Terpsichore: My husband knows that I read out here and comment and that I have even shared a story or two. But he has not read as far as I am aware, though he glanced at a few things I printed. He is happy that I have found friends out here and I share stories with him. Someday, perhaps he will read...

Bonnie: Randy is generally aware of my internet activities. I typically provide more detail than he needs to hear. He claims that he only occasionally reads this blog, but I know better. All I need to do a make a passing reference about not being spanked for a while and I find myself abruptly upended within a matter of hours.

As for his web surfing, Randy’s tastes are different from mine. While words are my preference, he loves pictures. Realistic spanking photos are first in his heart, but in a pinch, almost any pretty woman will suffice. He often shows me his latest finds and seems puzzled when I fail to match his level of enthusiasm. Oh well. I don’t care whose digital images he collects, so long as he reaches for me when he seeks genuine human flesh.

Thanks to one and all for sharing your insights. I hope you will stop again for next week's brunch.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 29

Our topic for this last brunch in the month of June was attributes of an ideal spankee. Here are your thoughts.

Prefectdt: All my experiences of topping are of switching with a fellow bottoms/subs.

The best spankees who have come under my lash are communicators, those who have no problem telling their top what they want. What is enough? What is too much? Where do their hard limits lie? Do they want role play or just get a good butt warming? Does it always have to be a disciplinary spanking or do they like it for fun sometimes?

Basically, an ideal spankee is one who does not expect their spanker to come with a crystal ball and has no problems with saying what they do and don't want. Also, it’s a spankee who has no hang ups about having a safe word, at least for the first couple of plays until you are used to playing together.

Dr. Ken: A really good spankee, to me, would actually be a combination of almost all of those things, being able to mix and change them from time to time so that the spanking experience is not always the same. So they may resist one time, but not the next, and act bratty one time in order to earn a spanking, and another time simply tell me she needs one.

The one trait I absolutely would NOT want is stoicism. I gauge a lot of what I do upon the spankee's reactions. Therefore, I want them to verbalize, or squirm, or kick. I want the feedback.

Spanking someone who just lays there like a log without moving or uttering a sound is, to me, boring. I might as well go out into the parking lot and whack a Buick.

Daisy: I think he kind of likes a little resistance. This gives him a further purpose for the spanking, bringing me back to submissiveness. When I submit, he knows he has achieved his goal. Then he adds more just to prove the point.

With brattiness, he knows the difference between when I have forgotten my place, through temper, etc., and when I am acting up just because I WANT a spanking. Sometimes, in the second situation, he thinks up other punishments instead, to get the better of me... Grr!

Again, he knows I am stoic to begin, and when he reduces me to whimpering, then squealing, then crying, then acceptance, he knows he is getting through my stubbornness...

Depending on the type of spanking, I can be either reluctant or enthusiastic. I would be asking for trouble to be enthusiastic for a punishment spanking. He would think he wasn't being harsh enough! Whereas, mmmm.... erotic...

He likes me to collect implements but he also likes to surprise ME with new ones! He loves that I am turned on by a spanking, even a punishment spanking...and likes me to show gratitude afterwards....

I am not allowed to try to influence the spankings though.

morningstar: I don't know. But in my humble opinion, spankees are all those things. It just kind of depends upon which day it is, or what their spanker wants from them.

There are times when I am quiet and deep inside of myself. Sir knows those moods and does not try to solicit any enthusiastic responses. On other days, I am feeling bratty, or devilish, and I am eager to dance the dance of the flogger. So, I am very verbal and demonstrative.

I would think that spankees in general can be all of those things or none of those things. The trick comes from the pairing up those qualities with spankers who seek such qualities.

Hermione: This question is best answered by spankers, but I'll try it from a spankee's point of view.

The ideal spankee is submissive and does not attempt to influence the course of the spanking. S/he has a good tolerance for pain, and although stoic on the whole, is also capable of expressing non-verbal appreciation. The spankee is enthusiastic about spankings: before, during and after, and that includes collecting implements that both spanker and spankee would enjoy.

The ideal spankee is definitely turned on by the experience, and freely and sincerely expresses his or her gratitude, both sexually and in other ways. I think a kiss on the spanker's hand is a nice gesture.

Does the spankee keep a blog? That's a matter of personal preference. Not everyone has the time, talent or inclination to tell the world how wonderful spanking is, but a good spankee will make sure the spanker knows how much s/he enjoys it.

Paul: A good spankee must be able to communicate both verbally and non-verbally.
They should be a hard wired spanko, love fun spankings,be very turned on by them, and accept discipline ones with fortitude.

Sub, bottom or average, the good spankee is a happy, loving fun-loving individual.

Neither spanker nor spankee should take themselves too seriously. After all, you are in a spanking partnership.

Sherryl: I would like a submissive spankee. There should be no brattiness. As for the strong tolerance for spanking or sensitivity, I don't know. I would like it if they respond loudly and enthusiastically when I punish them. I would like it if they also collected implements, especially the more painful ones. No, they wouldn't influence the spanking and they would cry. As to rather they were turned on or not depends on what kind of spanking it is. Yes, they would in an appropriate way, and yes, they would blog about their spanking and I would be watching them as they do it.

Susan: I strive to be the perfect spankee so that my D gets the greatest pleasure when he deals with my bottom. Actually, most of the time, so do I. There is no need for me to “brat.” If I am to have my bottom tanned, it is D who decides when and how. It is not negotiable. He will indicate the pose he requires. It is up to me to fine tune it, so that my rear end is perfectly presented to him with just the right tightness and exposure. I choose my clothing with care. If it is to be a caning, I wear a pair of skin tight jeans. Otherwise, he likes skirts that he can turn up to expose brief sexy knickers which he can pull down if he wishes. As for tolerance, I can take quite a lot, but D has a good idea of my limits. I trust him not to go too far, even when I am restrained, and I do not ask for mercy. Occasionally, however, I may struggle to keep my bottom well offered to him. Sometimes, I find new implements, which I present to him, to see if he will honour my bottom with my choice.

My bottom is his to deal with, and he has been doing so with some vigor for a long time to our mutual enjoyment, despite minor sitting problems afterwards!

G: I must say, in all seriousness, that I have the "ideal" spankee in my life. To answer your questions in order, I'd have to say...

She's submissive during a distinctly punishment spanking, but playfully resistant during any other spanking. She doesn't act all that bratty, but does have a way of letting me know she really wants a good bun warming from time to time.

She's hardly a stoic (except during real discipline). She wiggles, kicks, puts her hand back, and "begs" me to stop from time to time. Loud? I don't know. But verbal and actively participating? You betcha!

She LOVES to collect implements, and points out potential new additions even when we're somewhere "vanilla" (She can find an implement in nearly any store...) :-)

She tries, but fails, to influence the course of a spanking. It's part of the dance and we both enjoy it immensely.

No tears yet, but they seem to be on the horizon. No worries either way.

She is quite demonstrative of her gratitude, from curling up in my lap to getting quite sexual afterwards.

Does she blog? You betcha! We share a new blog and write of our experiences from both points of view.

Brat V: As a spankee, I am a combination of all of these things. It depends upon the type of spanking that's going on. The only thing I am NOT is quiet. LOL Spankings hurt and I just can't take them quietly.

Some days, I'm bratty (more often than not, but only for fun, of course), and most of the time, I'm very turned on. Sometimes, I cry and sometimes I don't. I have done everything the question asked at one time or another.

And as far as collecting implements, I have LOTS! LOL Of course, that's to be expected since I'm the one who introduced my dear hubby, J, to spanking. It came quite naturally to him. LOL He's a great spanker. He's told me that if I was quiet or too still, that it just wouldn't be any fun. He likes reaction. LOL

GF: I think an ideal spankee is one who doesn’t pressure her spanker to respond to a website question. LOL Other than that, I some resistance is expected. But the spankee, Ms. Daisy, knows that it will bring more insistence to the game. She should respond as nature tells her. Being stoic is not usually the best response. A reluctant partner is expected only when it is a discipline spanking. Otherwise, enthusiasm is welcome. Yes to gratitude and blogging is always welcome.

Bonnie: I can describe the spankee I aspire to be. I seek to be a willing partner in whatever Randy wants to try. I have lots of suggestions and he is often receptive, but the time for those is not when a spanking is in progress. It works much better if I submit and graciously accept his stinging gifts.

I tend to not react too much until the pain becomes intense. Then I may yell or struggle, but I generally stay in place until Randy decides my bottom is appropriately toasted. I make it a point to demonstrate my gratitude afterward, because I am truly grateful that he has taken the time and invested the effort to give me what I crave.

I think one other element in being a good spankee is recognizing and appreciating how much fun spankings can be. We laugh often, sometimes even in the middle of a spanking session. It’s easy to fall into the trap of making spankings stern, serious business. While there’s a place for that, most of our spankings are pleasurable, if not downright lighthearted.

I Gal: I am always the spankee, so I can share what I believe are admirable traits. These are some that I strive to possess:

1. Submission to include change of heart and attitude after disciplinary spankings.


2. Loving lecture before, during, and after disciplinary for the same reason as submission.


3. Fun and adventuresome in our erotic spankings

My hubby works on improving all of these and much more. This is why DD works very well for us. It is a work in progress. We are always looking for ways to be more loving and successful in both the physical and mental aspects involved in spankings.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your viewpoints. I hope you will join us next Sunday when spanking will again be at the top of our brunch menu.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 25

Happy Memorial Day to everyone in the US. Our topic for this week was day-after discomfort. Here are your thoughts and experiences.

Tempest: It takes a lot for me to get sore, usually more than one spanking in a day to feel anything residual the next day. But when I do, I Love it. It makes me want to jump my husband’s bones all day long. LOL

Jessica: I usually feel somewhat sore after. I need a pretty harsh spanking to have much of an effect the next day, but I usually feel a little twinge for several days. I love it too. I would love to feel as though I need a pillow, but I don't know what it would take. My husband doesn't hold much back!

Apple: As my bottom really doesn’t mark easily, there were just a few situations like this. :)

I remember a very hard spanking my husband gave me once. It left a bruise as big an egg on my butt. It still hurt at least two days later!

I wasn't very amused about it, but my dear husband smiled every time he saw my bare ass. We could see the different colors my backside went through as it healed.

But in general, both of us love to check my bottom the day after a spanking. For us, it a part of it and if there are any marks, my husband is proud of his good work ;))

If you would like to see some of my marks, check here.

PS: Maybe you could link my new blog, please? :)

Apple, welcome to our community! I’m pleased to add your link.

Paul: Mel certainly enjoyed sitting sensitive the following day. But as the years passed, this became harder to do as her cheeks toughened. If she was feeling particularly needy, she would ask for a top-up in the morning, by bratting, such as sticking her tongue out or whatever.

If she knew she had a hard day ahead, she would ask for a hard spanking in the morning. This made her feel loved, cared for, and self confident. So she handled her day much better. Rarely, a stress buster was needed in the evening.

Tina: I often get very bruised by a beating, but I hardly ever feel anything after a few hours or even a day. When a bruising is swollen, I can feel it, but it is not pain, just the swelling I can sense. Often, I go home from my boyfriend’s on my bike and I am sad not to be in pain, even when sitting on the saddle. I would love to have the nice, soft pain that one has right after the beating for a longer time because the pain when the cane actually hits me always seems too harsh. Sometimes, my boyfriend does very mean things (like beating the anus) and the pain last for several days. I love those days and am constantly aroused. But I must admit, I am rarely in the mood to bear the agony of going through such an unbearable spanking just in order to make the pain last for more than a few hours.

Lori: Today is the day after a hard spanking and yes, I am feeling it. Most of the time, I do not, but the wooden paddle used last night was harsh. I will never feel anything the day after when leather was used, but wood and the bathbrush usually give me an extra day of sensitivity. I do like to feel spanked the day after. It's a treat nowadays.

Anon #1: I love the feeling the day after. As a college student, it helps me to concentrate and reminds me to focus on my work. I get better grades with the knowledge that my bottom will pay if I do not work hard. My grades, 2 A's and 2 B's, are proof that it works.

Alice: I crave the bruises and the sensitivity that accompany a hard spanking. He enjoys seeing the remnants of His efforts as well. When that does not occur, or the marks fade quickly, I am a bit disappointed and left wanting another spanking as soon as possible. Since there is some distance between us and our time together is limited, He tries to leave me with this reminder of the time we share.

RPT: It's got to hurt the next day. That's the best part.

Mthc: I'm sitting on a bruised, swollen, black, blue, and purple butt now! That's the way I prefer it. I think it makes both David and I very proud. The fact that it leads TO MUCH BIGGER THINGS just makes it BETTER!

I'm sure the Memorial Day cook out we're attending later will be a bit painful, but I'll have a smile on my face!

Hermione: My bottom usually stings the day after a spanking. It's a comforting reminder that I am loved, especially on days that are challenging. I can enhance the soreness by wearing scratchy lace panties, or a thong that gives me no protection from denim jeans or coarse wool pants. Sometimes, I absently rub one of my cheeks to ease the residual burn.

At the end of the day, I always tell Ron how sore my bum still is because of the good spanking he gave me. It makes him smile.

Sometimes, I feel phantom pain days after a spanking. This is when I know another one is due. But maybe that's a topic for another brunch!

Luna: In the beginning, I would mark and be sore afterwards and I loved it. I would intentionally poke and prod the sore areas to feel them again, and for but a moment, take me back to the delicious torment.

Now, though, it takes a lot to get anything more than sore a few hours afterwards. The next day, I'm back as pale white as I ever was and just as normal. A spanking the second day would probably have to be shorter in duration because the endurance would be lower, but other than that, I doubt it would make me sore either.

Sore is good. Very good.

Olivia X: Feeling sore the next day is absolutely something that I relish. The morning after being spanked, the first thing I like to do is look in the mirror and see that I have marks. Running my finger over these and feeling how tender my bottom still is makes me blush reliving the embarrassment of it, and also makes me feel very loved and strong for the day ahead.

As I go about my day, if I feel the soreness as I sit down, and especially if I am with other people, trying not to wince or show any signs of discomfort, that is also a part of what I love about being disciplined. It’s a very lovely feeling knowing that I am sitting there with a sore and marked and very well taken care of bottom in a business meeting, or having some wine with friends, and imagining that it would never occur to them that the day before I had been across my Disciplinarian’s knee with my knickers lowered. The soreness helps to take me to those feelings!

I also like my Disciplinarian asking me "How is your bottom today?" on the telephone, when I may be sitting with friends, and him keenly wanting me to describe how it looks and how it feels and my having to try and divert the conversation through utter embarrassment! I’m pink cheeked knowing that he will be thoroughly enjoying knowing how much it will be making me squirm!

So, yes, yes, yes, please to a sore bottom every day!

Anon #2: I love the feeling of my bottom the next day. It serves as a reminder that I am loved and to focus. When, as I sit, I have a twinge or a burning sensation, that’s a very wonderful feeling. My man loves to ask me to send him pictures of my marked bottom as we are in a long distance relationship. The sting also, as he says, serves as a reminder to not do what got me the spanking in the first place.

I agree with the rest. Yes, oh yes, please let my bottom feel it for a few days!

Anon #3: It makes a boring Monday meeting so much easier to sit through when you secretly have trouble sitting!

Ms. Betty: I spank several different men on a regular basis, so I get to see a nice cross section of reactions.

I always aim for them to still be sore the next day, or the next few days, rather. Since most don't see me that often I think that lasting soreness helps the experience last.

I've found that while they all tend to feel good about soreness the next day those feelings tend to be influenced a bit by the reason for the spanking. For the ones who were spanked for a real disciplinary reason, the soreness brings up a reminder of his misbehavior and what it earned him. Among those spanked for fun, it's usually just a nice reminder of what happened.

Oddly enough, the reason for the spanking does not tend to influence whether or not they try to avoid sitting. Big tough guys that they are, they tend not to want to admit that their sore bottom is bothering them that much. You can usually tell, though. I have one that will go so far to avoid sitting after a spanking that he'll stand there trying to balance on one foot to put his shoes back on rather than sit down, even on a well padded chair. LOL

Susan: Usually not, unless I have had a very sound and prolonged spanking. However, there are two exceptions. A long hard spanking with a big wooden paddle, like your MOAP, makes sitting very uncomfortable next day. My bottom feels oversize, tender and glowing, and it makes me feel vey sexy. Luckily, David is only too pleased to help with this problem.

A good caning produces even more difficulty with sitting, especially if he has concentrated low down on my underhang. This, as someone has already said, makes for an interesting time at a next-day meeting, as I try not to fidget too much on my sore bottom. But the real thrill is taking any opportunity to inspect my stripes in a mirror. David likes this too, and that soon gets him going. I like going through the day with my striped cheeks bouncing beneath my skirt. I only wish I could show them around more! Sadly they only last a few days.

Maryann: I got my very first real, hard spanking yesterday. The afterburn and tenderness today is fabulous! My sweetheart is a really big, strong man who can very easily overpower me. I love that! So, he started slow and easy. Then, throughout the day, he tested every implement he could think of, including twisting up the damp dish towel and snapping it on me. Even through jeans, that left definite bruises! Ouch!

The day ended with me bare bottomed over his lap with a firm hand spanking. He says I only got about half of his force, but he stopped because my behind looked like hamburger. Today, I have bruises of every size, shape, and description all over my bottom and thighs. Who knows which thing caused which bruise? But above it all is a very clear hand print, complete with each distinct finger!

Mmmm-mmm-good!

I love the pain the next day and hope it lasts several days. I love this man!

Greenwoman: I like a sensitive bottom following. I dislike seeing heavy bruising on me and every Dom in my life has disliked seeing my skin disfigured that way too. They want to see pretty skin, only reddened after the spanking. I have learned that a spanking done skillfully can be incredibly painful but never leave a visible mark once the initial reddened moments are behind me, so to speak. *smiles*

Jo: Although our spankings have gotten heavier over the past while, even the burn doesn't seem to last past snuggling into his front as we go to sleep. I had hopes the other night as he tried two different paddles, one small plastic paddle and another large wood one, and it did hurt and my 'fundament' did seem a lot more sensitive for quite a while but still no discomfort the next day. I think I would like it, but maybe I should be careful about what I wish for.

River: I adore some soreness the day after a good spanking, but there have only been a handful of occasions where I was sore the next day. And really the only way I could tell was when my husband smacked my bottom the day after and it hurt more than usual, or the hot shower water stung a lot. Here's hoping tonight's spanking leaves a lasting impression!

PM Duo: In the beginning, I would definitely be sore the next day. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for my bottom to toughen up. I loved the sensation of sitting on a sore bottom the next day!

I think if he'd been willing to spank harder, I would have continued feeling it, but while I enjoyed the bruises, he didn't. Oh well.

Jean Marie: Oh, yes, I LOVE the feeling in my behind that triggers flutterings in my soul the day after a good spanking. The choice of the word "relish" is very apt. I relish the reminder that I got spanked soundly.

I used to bruise more than I do now. I bruise most when the heavy wooden paddle is used on me.

Tangential musing: Years ago, I lived next door to a professional submissive who worked in a place called the Chateau in Los Angeles. When we discovered that we had the fetish in common, we'd share coffee and talk away the day (I was a waitress who worked nights, trying to be an actress). She complained that she was getting calloused on the spank spots of each cheek, right where the bones reside deep beneath the flesh (though she, like me, was very well-upholstered back there). She cautioned me to moisturize the skin of my bottom often to prevent this occupational hazard. So, no matter how sublime the session, I always got up to rub lotion into my bum after the lovemaking that resulted from spanking foreplay. But my current cruel top of a lover noticed this and makes me lotion my backside before the spanking, too. It makes it sting so much worse. I think this contributes to the black, blue, green, and purple bruises the next day.

Michelle: I bruise so easily that just about any contact leaves a mark. So, any time my husband uses anything other than his hand, I'm sporting decorations, of which I'm quite fond. The marks and the little twinges which last for a day or so (sometimes longer) remind me of the fun we had together.

Anon #4: I too like the reminder the next day, but it is rare for me.

BUT, we have a new implement, a delrin rod, that seems to deliver a deep, lasting soreness! The first time it was used, it was a pretty short, light session (a trial, so to speak). Although it didn't sting all that much during, it left a soreness well into the next day. The next time (which was the only other time I've had it so far) was for a real discipline, my husband used it in combination with other implements and I could not believe how sore I was! It left only a slight bit of bruising, but I could feel it for the next 4-5 days! We have concluded that this implement needs to be used with care and caution, but it does seem to give a lasting impression.

GF: Thank you for addressing this, Bonnie. I am eagerly awaiting the chance to use your advice. Daisy and I don’t see each other often, as she is in England. I really do believe the next day ouchie would be a great help. Thank you

Daisy: OH, dear! My bf is planning on delivering such a spanking at the next opportunity, and though I will enjoy that tender feeling the next day, I'm not so sure I will enjoy what puts it there!

Especially since the Vermont Country Store bathbrush has been recommended to him for the job at hand. After all, I don’t bruise easily, so quite some force would be needed... Eeeek... LOL

GF: Daisy, you naughty girl. You are to be asleep by now. Sorry Bonnie, obviously more discipline is needed here. LOL

Michelle: I bruise easily, and I LOVE when it stings the day after. I'm sitting here wishing for a spanking just thinking about it!

Bonnie: As some of the others said, after years of spanking fun, my bottom is conditioned to the point where I don't mark very much. However, I do still occasionally enjoy some residual ouch, even when there are no visible signs. I relish these sensations because they vividly bring back to mind all of the amazing events that created them.

For a next day ache, Randy prefers hard, flat wooden objects like hairbrushes (solid backed, not the kind with the rubber dome) or bath brushes. They hurt quite a lot when applied and reliably deliver the much coveted day-after reminder.

Thanks to everyone who dropped by our brunch and added an opinion. I hope you'll all visit again next week.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 11

Our question of the week considered whether regular spankings satisfy spanking urges or simply intensify them.

Curtis: For me (and perhaps for many), spanking is at the core of my sexuality. And unless something goes wrong with my sexual functioning, spankings both satisfy a natural craving and increase the desire for more. In my case, it’s true whether I am giving or getting. That does not mean I want more severity or intensity, just always more frequency.

Sara: IMO, if they do not satisfy the craving, someone is doing something wrong!

G: As one who gives, I'd have to say that giving a good spanking regularly satisfies the craving at the time, but it's temporary.

It's like the clean feeling you get when you take a shower. It feels good, but sooner or later, you're going to want another.

I don't think it heightens it. It just temporarily relieves the itch.

Have I mixed enough metaphors? :-)

HBS Sports: Do you need a good spanking?

No, I already got a nice one in honor of Mother’s Day. Let’s get back to our topic.

Thomas: While a spanking can satisfy the craving for a little bit, it is ultimately like any other addiction. Indulging will ultimately urge you forward to get the next hit. In my case, I might be giving spankings daily, but it will eventually not be enough for me, and I'll need something bigger to satisfy the need, like a spanking party or a more intense session. For a brief amount of time after such a heavy dose, I'll be sated (during which times my creative juices flow the most readily), but I'll eventually get back to a point where I need that dosage, again.

Anna: What was the question? Sorry, I'm a bit distracted by the picture of the key lime pie.

Sadly, I'm not getting any spankings right now, but when I am they do both, temporarily satiate, and then the fires are burning brighter than ever.

*adding "key lime pie" to my grocery list*

Lucy: Spankings initially satisfy my craving. But once the sting wears off, I'm ready for more. I think that if I were spanked harder and longer than I'm accustomed, it might take a while for the craving to return. I haven't been spanked in nine months and counting, so I'm definitely craving one.

Dr. Ken: Speaking for myself, this one is pretty basic. Going without is what heightens the desire, and being able to give in and indulge is what satisfies the craving. I wish I did have someone to spank on a regular basis...

Flamehand: As a spankee for several years, I would say that giving regular spankings does satisfy a craving, but also it heightens the craving for the next one. Maybe it’s because I have been lucky in my relationships with spankees. They have all been great company, good fun, and a very spankable backside

Daisy: Oh, yes, it does both. As I am being spanked, it definitely satisfies the craving. It even cures me of the craving and makes me wonder why the hell I wanted it!

But, an hour or so later, I am looking for ways to cause another... LOL

Jam: Happy Mother's Day to every mother who visits My Bottom Smarts. I always want more after I've been spanked. Today, I will be spanked as it's my birthday.

Happy birthday, Jam! That’s always a fine reason for a good spanking.

Your Sweetheart: Being spanked almost always satisfies a craving. Even experiencing the anticipation and going through the ritual of my discipline prior to being spanked is all a part of the craving.

Afterward, I feel very content, energized, settled, and loved, depending on the nature of the spanking (and glowing too, in various forms!)

This can sometimes lead to a melancholic longing for it to happen more often. So, in some ways, this could be deemed as heightening my desire for it. But rather than drawing attention to what I love so much but am not getting enough of, I like to / try to experience it as something that I am lucky to have found at all!

Paul: Bonnie, Happy Mother’s Day.

All the spankees that I have known always need more. I must admit that spanking my girl was something I never really tired of. After nearly fourteen years, I still crave the feel.

Jean Marie: You are asking us to analyze a cycle, similar to the question, "Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?"

The way I see it, it's analogous to hunger and appetite, which is marvelous because it's voiced at our weekly "brunch." Compared to the world population (where there are food riots occurring in various places), I'm very fortunate to get three square meals per day (as well as a sinful snack or two). I eat and satisfy the craving for awhile. If I over-indulge, I stretch my tummy and have the capacity and craving to eat that same, larger amount next time. I don't want to gain weight so I watch what I eat. I know that in a larger sense I am what I eat, so I try to keep it healthy overall.

I'm a lucky girl I guess, in that I get spanked quite frequently and most satisfyingly by my lover, with whom I've been for several years. When we first hooked up, there was that newness, that elation of finding someone who shared common interests, especially the joy of finding someone who shared our fetish. We over-indulged in both the spanking and the consequential sex. Now we've settled into a pattern that fits our busy lifestyle where I "get it" once or twice a week and usually big time on the weekend. We often let this brunch discussion inspire us for the weekend blow-out session. I got a brisk hand spanking last Thursday as we cuddled in front of the TV, followed by a quickie. It got me through a tough week of teaching school. Instead of crawling back into bed after I send this, I think I'll bend over the breakfast nook table with my nightie pulled up and panties pulled down, and the thick leather tawse beside my presented derriere. That tableau will be enough to inspire a strict session with the strop, especially when he discovers that I blogged about us.

Elle: I find that getting a good spanking should leave me squirming and aroused. But I’m always still in eager anticipation of the next one. I've had previous relationships, if you could even call them that, where I was getting far more or far less than I wanted or needed and believe me, there's a happy balance to be achieved!

For me, as a spanker, it's a "heat of the moment" thing. Whilst I enjoy making him cringe with the build-up, there is not the same level of "can't wait to do that again." As much as I love give it to him, it's not as much of a craving.

Maryann: I don't know whether they satisfy or intensify desire, but I can tell you that not having one is driving me nuts. About a month ago, my gorgeous hunk of man gave me several friendly swats that sang on my seat for an hour or so afterward and I found I wanted more! Lots more!

So, I began researching and found your site. Thanks, Bonnie! I'm going to have to wait another two weeks for my first real spanking because we won't have enough privacy until then. Meanwhile, he is busy making implements. I keep teasing him about it. Can we just start with your hand, please? He is into it, so I bet I'll be in for it! Meanwhile, not having one is definitely increasing my desire and my anxiety.

Thanks for such a helpful, friendly blog.

You’re very welcome, Maryann. Best of luck with your upcoming event!

Brennus: Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful Mothers. May you get or give a grand spanking today!

Spanking, as Curtis said, is part and parcel of my sexual being. So until my sex drive grinds to a halt, I imagine that I will crave giving spankings. The craving may be satisfied, albeit temporarily, but all it takes is a cute spankable bottom to come into view or a bratty cue to set me off yet again.

Terpsichore: It’s fun to hear everyone's answers. I crave being spanked, right now in fact. But since we are progressing slowly, I was curious when I start receiving spankings whether I will just want more or if I will be satisfied or more likely both. :-) Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out here!

Sally: Happy Mother Day!

I have recently had a week of spankings and it was wonderful! I felt satisfied, happy, loved, and content. But when they stopped, I wanted more. In the last few months, I also got one of those “you'll not sit down for a week” spankings. This was also very satisfying until the bruising started to fade. By then, I was craving another, perhaps milder, spanking. So I would also have to say, yes, a spanking is satisfying, but it is something that needs to be refilled as needed!

Hermione: Being spanked eases the craving for a while, like scratching an itch. It doesn't increase it for me. Wanting a spanking has more to do with how I am feeling, emotionally and physically, than whether I have been given one recently.

But since I do receive regular spankings, I'd rather not stop getting them.

P.S. Happy Mother's Day

Indiana: Happy Mother's Day everyone!

My very limited experience suggests that a weekend of spanking play takes care of the craving for about a week (or a little less), and then it's back as strong as ever...

Michelle: After being spanked, it is so difficult for me to focus on anything else. I think regular spankings make it so difficult to function. And yet, I definitely can't function without them.

I guess they just preoccupy my mind all the time

He he he. It’s part of being a spanko.

However, I think that since I just started actually participating in spankings, the novelty hasn't worn off. Can it wear off?

I suppose it can, but it hasn’t for us yet. If there’s a secret, I believe it’s exploring your fantasies together.

Michael: Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful women who give so much of yourselves.

I actually think that regular spankings both heighten and satisfy the spanking itch. It seems the more I spank a woman, the more satisfied we both are. But it also increases our need and desire for further spanking adventures.

Lori: The answer to this question for me is that it depends. How regular? I've had times when I've been spanked so much that I actually welcomed a break. If regular means once a week, then that would heighten my craving.

Happy Mom's Day!

Greenwoman: A climactic experience usually sates me in the moment and when I recover myself, I want that again and again...*smiles*

I'm a greedy wench... or demanding in the opinion of some. *winks*

Jess: A spanking satisfies the craving and leaves me with a nice glow for awhile. The craving for more starts pretty soon after. It usually takes a day, sometimes less, if I am not very sore.

I have noticed that if we can't get privacy for a week or so, the craving starts to lessen a bit in intensity. And then it returns with a vengeance if we take too long or start up again.

I think the term is insatiable...

Robin: I'd have to say both. It doesn't take long after a spanking, even a really good one, for the craving to start again. It’s usually within a day or so.

Thanks for your work on this blog, Bonnie. I've been lurking for quite awhile. It has been comforting to hear about other people's experiences. My, unfortunately, former partner and I started spanking a number of years ago and at the time I wasn't aware of anything like this. Reading your blog helps me feel a lot less lonely!

Robin, you’re most welcome. It’s a genuine pleasure to be able to meet people who share our common interest.

David: It's not long after I have spanked Susan that I see her superb bottom undulating teasingly about the place, and I am counting the time until I can spank it again.

PK: I don't know if regular spankings make me want more or I just always want more! I do know that even when I am being spanked and think I can't possible take one more swat, I am craving more as soon as I realize that he is done.

Pest: Happy Mother's Day to you too, Bonnie!

I think that if I got regular spankings, it would heighten my craving as well as satisfy it to a certain degree. If it was at all possible, I would love to get daily spankings or more than one per day depending on how I feel! LOL!

D: My answer is... absolutely BOTH!

I am a greedy girl and it satisfies the itch for the moment. But then I just end up wanting more! Of course, I need to be punished for my greediness... Hmmm... I sense a wonderful vicious circle forming...

Now, with that said, I have never been in a situation where I have received spankings on a regular basis. But that is soon to change.

Starting next week, I will be living with G on an every day basis in a LDD relationship which will include erotic/fun spankings on a regular basis. So in that case, the answer to this question might be different. But I doubt it! :)

Mr Bill: It sounds like I fit in with the majority of responses in saying that I don't get enough spankings!

Greedy bunch, never satisfied, give me more, harder, and more than just every once in a while!

River: Happy Mother's Day to all!

I guess I don't see spanking as an addiction. It's just a part of who I am. So I love to be spanked, just like I love a good meal or satisfying sex. The only time I 'crave' a spanking is when I am faltering emotionally/mentally. Then my dear husband comes to my rescue with discipline. Other than that, I am kept sated with frequent robust slaps to the seat of my pants throughout the day. And when He's not around, I'm really too busy to think about it much! :)

Jo Lee: I think regular (weekly or so) spankings do both. They satisfy the craving for a spanking. Any spanking releases the endorphins and reinforces the intimate connection with your partner. But they also then start building the anticipation for the next regular spanking (regular implies you know it is coming and when to a certain extent) and possibly increasing the craving for the extraordinary events, such as a new locale, different position, new toy, etc. It’s just like having sex regularly makes one want more sex and possibly different sex (assuming it is "good"). The nice thing about spanking is that it is always good, in my book anyway!

Then one starts reading blogs and then more blogs and the next thing you know, de-lurking occurs and maybe eventually one might even start a blog. See all the "trouble" regular spankings can cause? So can regular spankings be said to ever satisfy the craving fully? Probably not! Heighten it, increase it? Oh, yes!

Bonnie: Have I ever mentioned that I love spankings? From that first subtle pat on my posterior to the last twinge upon sitting a day later, I adore everything. I want Randy to spank me because it’s the key that opens the door to a thousand treasures. Among these are lovemaking, satisfaction, relaxation, loss of stress, emotional intimacy, communication, caressing, sharing, kissing, skin-to-skin contact… (Where is that man?)

Do I crave spankings? Yes, I most certainly do. Do I crave them more when I have been spanked recently? I would say yes to this question as well. Am I satisfied? Again, yes, but only for a short while.

Thank you all for this wonderful turnout and for your excellent responses! I hope your Mother's Day Celebrations were a tremendous success.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 30

Wow, what a great turn-out! Our topic this week was who buys the spanking implements. As you shall see, the answers varied quite widely.

Lori: I guess I would have to say that we both add to our supply. Joe has made some paddles and bought some paddles. I have purchased implements too. We were together in the store when we bought the dreaded bath brush. So we both play a part in building our toy chest.

This Girl: He makes most of our implements. It's partly what attracted me to him in the first place. It was like “Wow, look at all the possibilities here... and they came out of his imagination and his shed... Wow.” LOL

It means too that everything is designed to be completely right for the purpose and fit correctly, and has a bit love put into it as well and we don't have to worry if the quality is going to be worth the price!

OK, so he doesn’t make everything. Sometimes he buys things. Sometimes I buy them. Sometimes we shop together. Regardless, it’s fun adding to the collection and playing with new things!

Wilhelmina: Mostly, I buy them, or tell him about them and then I buy them, or we shop together. But still, it is mostly left up to me.

I am beginning to think I should be the one to use them too. *wink*

Michael: My wife is not the spanko in our relationship, so it is down to me to purchase the implements if I wish her to use them on me. The only things that she will take on her bottom (and with moderation) are my hand and a hairbrush.

She is, however, more than happy to use whatever I buy on my bottom.

Natty: A. bought the first two or three when our relationship first started. But since then, I've been the one to do implement shopping and purchasing. It’s sort of fits into our traditional distribution of labor (i.e. I like shopping; he does it when we're about to starve).

Greenwoman: I do most of the online purchasing at my house. We buy some toys online, but those are mostly sex toys, not spanking toys.

Our spanking toys are either household items purchased for a spanko purpose or my husband makes them.

The paddles he's made lately have been made of mahogany and rock maple, and are really beautiful to my eye. I really enjoy them. The more he makes, the better he gets at making them.

We have something like two dozen of different shapes and sizes.

We are going to do some purchasing this next year for some more leather paddles and I'd like to own one of Patty's paddles and I'm really interested in some canes for OTK. Those will all be online purchases, of course.

Mike: We have both bought different items to use. The most fun is when we are out together and find something that looks promising. Whether it's a hairbrush, or some implement at a kitchen store, or something hanging in an aisle in the grocery store, it's fun to see that look of recognition in the other's eyes.

I've also made a few paddles for our use. My favorite is a small hairbrush-sized one where I rounded the back to feel more like a spoon. That one is lots of fun, and I've been meaning to submit it for the implements articles you've been posting.

Bet: Since I'm the only true spanko here, I'm also the only one who has ever bought or made an implement. Since I was too shy (or cheap) to buy, I decided to make my own. So far, I have made two paddles from hardwood and sanded an old worn Jokari paddle I found. I also created a folded 16 inch strap made from a nice wide old leather belt that I came across in a recycling store. The only bought item is a boar bristle hardwood hairbrush that I bought in a brush store in Vienna (that's right, only brushes and combs). Unfortunately, my husband doesn't use them as often as I'd like, but just looking at them stirs my fantasies, and that's not all bad.

Sally: I buy the actual toys intended only for spanking. Usually, it’s as a gift for an upcoming occasion (like an anniversary) or he would never consent to the cost. He, however, will go through the kitchen stores and select items we don't necessarily need for the kitchen! He also enjoys finding something in the garage or elsewhere that he thinks will work for taking care of my backside! When he does the above, it makes me happy because it shows that he too enjoys this thing we do.

Prefectdt: Apart from one short, slim, and amazingly painful white plastic cane that was given to me as a present, I have purchased or made everything in the toy box.

I never buy toys on the internet. I like to feel the weight and texture of an implement before it is acquired, searching out the quality BDSM shops in the back streets of the larger towns is a big part of the fun and has become a bit of a hobby.

Luna: For us, it's always been a joint venture. I make the floggers, but he and I love shopping for paddles, slappers, crops, tawses and other stingy/thuddy fun toys!

Paige: Though I'm the spankee, I usually do the purchasing of the implements and surprise my hubby with them!

Mary: We both buy toys. I guess it is an "as the mood strikes" kind of thing. I don't recall, other than online, getting a chance to shop together.

Hermione: I've ordered a few items from riding equipment and kitchen supply web sites. Most of our wooden toys came from local thrift shops. I love to browse the shelves and find a salad spoon or back scratcher in need of a good home.

When I travel to a larger city, I try to visit at least one adult toy store to look for new implements although I seldom find any on display. Our wood collection is more than ample, but I'm on the lookout for more leather implements.

swan: He purchases most of what we have/use. He is a stickler for "quality" implements (professionally crafted), and honestly, since they are going to be landing on my ass, I prefer good quality as well.

Our new cane is from Adam and Gillian's. The floggers all came from DeTails (back in the early days). Most of the paddles are either from Hanson Paddles or from The Toybag. His single tail (my one purchase) was chosen especially for Him from Snakepit Leathers.

We have some furniture items: a spanking bench and a wooden stock that were purchased online. Likewise, the massage table was an online purchase. Our flogging frame is my design, and is homemade.

PK: As Nick warmed up to the idea of spanking, he made some wonderful toys for us, a crop, a flogger and a paddle to name a few. Most of the store-bought items I have bought. That’s mostly because I am the one thinking about it as I go through stores and I am the one in the family who buys online.

But I love, love, love when he brings home something he has found. It makes me so happy to know that he is thinking about me in this way. It really means a lot!

Recidavist: We keep a limited collection. Greater certainty of knowing what each means and where it fits in the reprimand hierarchy makes it more effective. Those that were not part of the household already, K has bought. However, once on holiday, I was sent out to buy a new belt. This was quite unfair given that I knew what it was going to be used for when I got back.

We recently had walnut flooring installed downstairs using 4 inch boards and K insisted upon keeping some offcuts. She mentioned a DIY project for me when I asked about them.

Papa Woodie: I love making new toys! Wood and leather especially.

She loves leather... Thick, stiff, wide and strong for the most wallop and thud. We enjoy a variety of straps, leather paddles, and slappers.

Though I would never claim that the making is more fun than the using, there's something deeply romantic and personal in becoming fully involved in the creation of perfectly made hand crafted toys!

I even learned to braid leather whips and quirts to add to our diverse arsenal!

Dragon & Tiger: In our house, we both share the joys of obtaining new implements. When it comes to making them, T is usually the one that takes care of that. When it comes to buying them, it's usually me, although most times we discuss it and choose what we want together. Sometimes, I surprise him and that can be a lot of fun too.

Jean Marie: My lover is not "crafty." I can't imagine him fashioning an implement out of wood or leather. He's the head of several corporations and wouldn't think the endeavor was worth his time.

He is generous. If I say I like something while we're out shopping, I usually receive it as a gift some time a little later. Gifts in the past have included a week at a spa, countless gowns and dresses, lingerie, make-up, and a great deal of jewelry.

My lover is the jealous type. I contributed many more implements to our repertoire when I moved into his household, but I made the mistake of relating background stories about my favorite toys, such as, "Brent gave me that hairbrush for my thirtieth birthday... and really gave me a memorable paddling with it after all the guests left the party..." My current lover will give me something nicer, more extravagant, in some way different and more costly soon thereafter. An antique silver hairbrush, comb, and hand mirror was on my pillow the night after I related the story of my favorite old wooden hairbrush. I put the old one away in a dresser drawer so as not to fuel the flames of his jealousy. My butt was flaming enough with the blistering he gave it to initiate the toy into our collection.

My man buys all the implements in our household

Jessica: So far, both Dan and I have both purchased toys. We haven't made any. I can't imagine that I would ever have the skill to do that, but Dan could.

I am still too embarrassed to go into a store, so Dan does those purchases. I am the online girl!

Elle: Well, my immediate response was "He's the man, he chooses what he uses on me." Mostly, he uses his hand or belt He bought a cane that he threatens me with regularly. I get wet at the very thought, but we've yet to play that game properly.

Despite my stance that he controls this, I tend to purchase suggestive things like new belts or new hairbrushes and then feign surprise when he quickly thinks of a new use for them. Improvisation is fun!

When we switch, he's still in control and asks for what he needs. The things used are the same.

morningstar: Let's see now. Some of our toys have been Christmas gifts from me to Sir, or from Sir to me.

Some have been 'perverted' from dollar stores and kitchen stores.

Some have been purchased (like this weekend) together at a specialized shop. We have a favourite one that keeps their spanking toys upstairs out of sight of the regular customers, and they allow you to try out a specific toy (over clothes of course!).

I have made a couple of rather nice floggers. We also receive gifts of floggers/whips etc from other friends who make quality toys.

Abby: Shopping for implements is definitely a shared task between Mr. Williams and me. As I am fond of writing about, one of our favorite weekend and vacation past-times is seeking out shops of antiques and collectibles. We've found barber strops of varying weights and texture, various items that can be used as paddles (clothes brush, butter paddle, a gorgeous lacquered wooden spoon), even walking sticks that double as especially firm canes. For those not comfortable with going to adult shops, this is a very sexy and often rewarding alternative.

We also enjoy shopping together online. Even those items that are presents are chosen together. We can't even decide who the objects are for, they are that shared! I consider them for him, to be used on me. He says they are for me, to be used upon me by him.

I love having a story behind each implement. Although we do not actually handcraft our own toys, I think as much love goes into finding them as would go into making them.

Carye: We both typically purchase the implements. He researches and then we look together on the internet and decide together which would be the one we want to purchase. So he does the most work, but we purchase it together :-)

K: Hubby and I don't have much of a collection yet since we only started talking about spanking around Christmas and actual spanking fun started happening only a few weeks ago. God gets the credit for Hubby's masterful hands. The next toy was a leather paddle that I made from some pieces of leather left over from another project and a plastic kids' paddle. Hubby and I both thought to add his belt to play. Hubby has mentioned he plans to make a few leather toys. I have plans to make a few floggers to try out. Hubby has picked up the odd wooden spoon or dinner plate and swatted me in the kitchen, but nothing of that sort has really made its way into a spanking yet. I wasn't sure whether Hubby was really enjoying the spanking or just doing it for me until he started doing things like that. It's nice to see, and feel, him getting into it too. We've even just started giving each other knowing looks as we're shopping and we pass by seemingly innocuous kitchen utensils and the like.

I guess the answer is really that we both enjoy suggesting new toys, making them, and making plans to shop together.

Bonnie: Both Randy and I purchase spanking implements. He tends to be fond of solid wooden toys that yield a substantial thwack. Not surprisingly, I favor a bit more variety. In final analysis, though, he selects what gets used.

He has made some paddles and we have lots of pervertables (all over the house in fact!). We are saturated with toys, but that doesn’t stop us from picking up something new and different when we see it.

Thanks to everyone who shared their insights this week. I hope you will join us again for next Sunday's brunch discussion.