101 Highly Ineffective Spanking Excuses

Have you ever tried to get out of a well-deserved spanking? I have. It may come as a surprise to some readers, but spanko-obsessed as I may be, there are times when I am simply not in the mood.

So what do I do? Occasionally, I will try to employ my formidable powers of persuasion, like this:

I’m too tired	If my bottom swells, my new jeans won’t fit
My spanko panties are in the laundry	Ever wondered what birds think?
That paddle is a lethal weapon	You really don’t want to do this
Isn’t your TV show on tonight?	My period started today
Didn’t we just do this?	I’m allergic to flat wooden objects
I have very sensitive skin	It hurts!
Your aunt called	The car is making a strange noise
Do you need anything from the store?	Let’s not and say we did
I have to go to the bathroom	Look, it’s Spiderman!
I’ll definitely be in the mood tomorrow	I’ll make it worth your while…
I’m hungry, how about you?	It’s getting late
We still need to take out the garbage	Can you help me with my computer?
Let’s try something different	I know a fun game
Let me just make this one phone call	Did I tell you what happened today?
Tell me all about your day	Is that the Goodyear blimp?
But I don’t want a spanking	Can you make that funny sound again?
How about a backrub?	Let’s just go to sleep
My feet hurt	Never on a new moon
You’ll never believe what I read on the web	How are things at work?
I’m still sore from the last spanking	Does this color look good on me?
Just let me finish this chapter	Does my car have a spare tire?
I don’t really deserve this	Look at these pictures of the baby
I’m craving ice cream	I need to go to the doctor next week
I have a headache	Pizza?
May I unzip you?	How about if I finish up this e-mail?
It sure looks like rain	We could build a fire in the fireplace
How about if I beg?	My horoscope advises against this
Have you called your sister lately?	Let’s go see a movie
Oh, your shoulders must be sore	Can you fix this dripping faucet?
Let’s get another pet	Have you any money?
Let me show you my new skirt	Where did you go for lunch?
Wait until you read my latest post	I have to sit on a hard bench all day tomorrow
I smell smoke	What’s your name again?
I’m thinking about getting my hair cut	Chocolate?
C’mon, let’s dance!	Aren’t you tired of all this spanking?
I love a leisurely drive in the country	What’s the name of that polishing tool?
Baboons can weigh up to 40 kg	Let’s change that bulb in the garage
I just stepped in something	Does my face look symmetrical?
Let’s just have a quiet evening	Have you seen my masterpeice?
Let’s plant tomatoes this year	Oh, no, not that paddle
Will you scratch my back?	I think I’m stuck to this chair
It’s a lovely night for a walk	My spanko mojo just isn’t working
Didn’t you want to make love?	Let’s take a shower instead
Please don’t make me cry	What do you want for your birthday?
I’m entitled to a trial of my peers	Can’t you see I’m cleaning the fridge?
I thought you were watching a game	I can’t change at the gym with marks
That’s my cell phone	What will the neighbors think?
What say we just skip the whole thing?	I think there’s someone outside
The karma’s all wrong	Do you think this house is haunted?
I need some new shoes	May I lick that?
Have you seen Kitty?

These methods simply don't work, at least not with my husband Randy. So why did I waste my time and your eyes publishing this elaborate list? I did it in hopes that you won't waste your time and your partner's patience attempting to use any of these painfully ineffective lines. Take my word. Forget the distractions and diversions. Just bend over and take your medicine. It's a whole lot easier for everyone concerned.