Wednesday, February 21, 2007

101 Highly Ineffective Spanking Excuses

Have you ever tried to get out of a well-deserved spanking? I have. It may come as a surprise to some readers, but spanko-obsessed as I may be, there are times when I am simply not in the mood.

So what do I do? Occasionally, I will try to employ my formidable powers of persuasion, like this:

  1. I’m too tired
  1. If my bottom swells, my new jeans won’t fit
  1. My spanko panties are in the laundry
  1. Ever wondered what birds think?
  1. That paddle is a lethal weapon
  1. You really don’t want to do this
  1. Isn’t your TV show on tonight?
  1. My period started today
  1. Didn’t we just do this?
  1. I’m allergic to flat wooden objects
  1. I have very sensitive skin
  1. It hurts!
  1. Your aunt called
  1. The car is making a strange noise
  1. Do you need anything from the store?
  1. Let’s not and say we did
  1. I have to go to the bathroom
  1. Look, it’s Spiderman!
  1. I’ll definitely be in the mood tomorrow
  1. I’ll make it worth your while…
  1. I’m hungry, how about you?
  1. It’s getting late
  1. We still need to take out the garbage
  1. Can you help me with my computer?
  1. Let’s try something different
  1. I know a fun game
  1. Let me just make this one phone call
  1. Did I tell you what happened today?
  1. Tell me all about your day
  1. Is that the Goodyear blimp?
  1. But I don’t want a spanking
  1. Can you make that funny sound again?
  1. How about a backrub?
  1. Let’s just go to sleep
  1. My feet hurt
  1. Never on a new moon
  1. You’ll never believe what I read on the web
  1. How are things at work?
  1. I’m still sore from the last spanking
  1. Does this color look good on me?
  1. Just let me finish this chapter
  1. Does my car have a spare tire?
  1. I don’t really deserve this
  1. Look at these pictures of the baby
  1. I’m craving ice cream
  1. I need to go to the doctor next week
  1. I have a headache
  1. Pizza?
  1. May I unzip you?
  1. How about if I finish up this e-mail?
  1. It sure looks like rain
  1. We could build a fire in the fireplace
  1. How about if I beg?
  1. My horoscope advises against this
  1. Have you called your sister lately?
  1. Let’s go see a movie
  1. Oh, your shoulders must be sore
  1. Can you fix this dripping faucet?
  1. Let’s get another pet
  1. Have you any money?
  1. Let me show you my new skirt
  1. Where did you go for lunch?
  1. Wait until you read my latest post
  1. I have to sit on a hard bench all day tomorrow
  1. I smell smoke
  1. What’s your name again?
  1. I’m thinking about getting my hair cut
  1. Chocolate?
  1. C’mon, let’s dance!
  1. Aren’t you tired of all this spanking?
  1. I love a leisurely drive in the country
  1. What’s the name of that polishing tool?
  1. Baboons can weigh up to 40 kg
  1. Let’s change that bulb in the garage
  1. I just stepped in something
  1. Does my face look symmetrical?
  1. Let’s just have a quiet evening
  1. Have you seen my masterpeice?
  1. Let’s plant tomatoes this year
  1. Oh, no, not that paddle
  1. Will you scratch my back?
  1. I think I’m stuck to this chair
  1. It’s a lovely night for a walk
  1. My spanko mojo just isn’t working
  1. Didn’t you want to make love?
  1. Let’s take a shower instead
  1. Please don’t make me cry
  1. What do you want for your birthday?
  1. I’m entitled to a trial of my peers
  1. Can’t you see I’m cleaning the fridge?
  1. I thought you were watching a game
  1. I can’t change at the gym with marks
  1. That’s my cell phone
  1. What will the neighbors think?
  1. What say we just skip the whole thing?
  1. I think there’s someone outside
  1. The karma’s all wrong
  1. Do you think this house is haunted?
  1. I need some new shoes
  1. May I lick that?
  1. Have you seen Kitty?

These methods simply don't work, at least not with my husband Randy. So why did I waste my time and your eyes publishing this elaborate list? I did it in hopes that you won't waste your time and your partner's patience attempting to use any of these painfully ineffective lines. Take my word. Forget the distractions and diversions. Just bend over and take your medicine. It's a whole lot easier for everyone concerned.


New Beginnings said...

These are great! So far I have never had need to try to get out of a spanking, but if I ever do need to I now know what doesn't work!

Now as to #77, 'We could build a fire in the fireplace' I can just imagine Randy's response to that one!!


CIN-D-GIRL said...

I had to laugh at several of these Bonnie!! None work with Dave either, and telling him that my bottom still hurts from the last spanking just lights his eyes right up! A tender bottom NEVER stops another spanking! Love the list! And I'm curious to see if any excuses work for anyone else!!

Marcus said...

52 will NEVER work. I'd rather see the woman out of her jeans anyway. 101 might work for a little bit... but it might just change the nature of the spanking.

Mary said...

The threat of a hard bench to sit on the next day only makes it more exciting to my guy. I've tried begging just to cuddle - no go. I have tried many ways to get out of it - so far - none of my excuses have worked either.

Anonymous said...

No. 31 - Let me show ytou my new skirt, I can see would only result in removal of lower half clothes, notr surprising it doesn't work. Is there a list of things which works the other way ?


Kallisto said...

Fun list, Bonnie! As with PK, I have never wanted to get out of a spanking yet, but I imagine there might be a time? Good to know in advance that these don't work!

Angel said...

That's an amusing list. Have any of them ever worked for you?

Paul said...

Bonnie, the one that nearly worked for Mel, was "oh you are hard, can I help you with that"!!!
Has Randy got any good reasons for not wanting to spank you, mind you I find that hard to imagine. WEG.
Warm hugs,

Grizzly Bear said...

Thank you, now I can refer my girl to this list the next time she tries to tell me "what will the neighbors think?"

kasey said...

Well, "can I lick that" sometimes works; but otherwise it just ends up with me being spanked & then getting cum on my face for being a brat -- which then leads to an extra spanking! "lets just have a quite evening" would likely lead to not being allowed to cum because that is always the loudest part! Great list! Kasey

Spice said...

Lol -

"Look! It's Spiderman!"

That made milk come out my nose!! Good one!


Caryagal said...

Hey Bonnie!

I Loved it! Luckily I wasn't drinking milk like spice! I'm all with PK. Never tried to get out of one before! Just busy trying to get them so far! :-)


TX Spankogirl said...

Those are too funny!!! I don't know if any would work, but I'll have to try. :-) By the way, please check out my page as I've decided to start blogging. Hope you enjoy my story!!!

Funny Brat Girl's Spanking Adventures said...

OMG Bonnie!!! "Let's not and say we did" I am definitely going to have to use that one!! I know I will get the worst spanking ever, but it will be SOOO worth it. I can just say..."It was on Bonnie's Excuse List" Didn't you get the memo?? *weg*


foxthatsspanked said...


I know for a fact I have tried #3, aka Bruiser, including running to a corner and refusing to come out but none of those excuses (and there are many that I hadn't thought of yet) worked for me either. Funny how that happens...Can we include "I'm late for work", "...but I just GOT dressed" and "...NNNNNOOOOOWWWWWW??????" to that list, which also never works.

Greenwoman said...

LOL! May I lick that and Look there's spiderman were my favorites! Very funny!

Bonnie said...

Elis - You're right. There are a few of these lines that not only don't work, they make the situation worse!

Cindy - When I gave my simple advice at the end, it came from experience. When the time comes, it's easier to just take the spanking.

Marcus - None of them work, at least not for me!

Mary - That's true. Randy will go so far as to orchestate spankings immediately before I have to sit on a hard surface or arrange for me to have to sit for an extended period after being spanked.

OPB - A list of phrases that will get me spanked? Sure.

Kallisto - Yes, if you're really going to escape, you'll need a line far better than any of these!

Angel - Thanks. Not that I recall. I can occasionally get him off the track for a time, but the spanking still happens. If he detects that I'm trying to stall, he brings out the special weapons and tactics.

Paul - OK, I'll definitely try that variant.

No, Randy has no reasons to not spank me, or if he does, he's never invoked them.

Griz - Randy tells me that the neighbors already think we're insane. So what have we to lose? I'm not sure I buy any of that argument. However, I'm not the person holding the paddle.

Kasey - Well, I can't say definitively that "Can I lick that?' doesn't work, it just never gets me out of a spanking.

Spice - Oops! Sorry... :D

Carye - That's not a bad place to be at all. I hope all your spankings are worthy of happy anticipation.

TSG - Use them with my blessing (but remember, I told you...)

FBG - :D I believe you might just try that! Please be sure to tell us how everything ends up.

Fox - I forgot those! We could make it 103...

Green - Thanks. If you want to distract a man, non-sequitirs are good and sex is better. In my case, though, neither is quite good enough!

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