The Spanko Files: Indiana

It is my profound pleasure to share with you the words of our friend Indiana. As she describes, she was somewhat reluctant to tell this story because her voyage of discovery is not yet complete. But dear Indiana has traveled a great distance and gained many valuable insights along the way. It is both my hope and hers that readers who are new to this topic will benefit from this excellent and thoughtful narrative.

A View from Mid-Journey
by Indiana

Let me begin by admitting freely that I’m a very unlikely guest writer for a spanking blog. I’ve never been spanked as an adult, and I’ve never even been terribly confident or open sexually. It took me over a year of reading spanking blogs to feel at all comfortable even commenting, and I found that step embarrassing enough! Eventually, though, my need for a sounding board against which to explore this topic began to overcome my hesitation. Around that time, I read a post on Natty’s blog in which she and a gay friend joked about having “come out” around the same time. That post really caught my attention, as I’d begun to think of my journey as coming out to myself. So I organized my thoughts a bit and posted my own de-lurk on SSS.

As a way to say thank you, I rather timidly copied the post to Bonnie and to the writers of another favorite site. I was flabbergasted when Bonnie wrote back, suggesting that I write a guest post for MBS. I didn’t feel as though I had much to say, so I initially declined the invitation. As you all know, though, Bonnie has a wonderful way of making everyone feel included, and she got me thinking. I began to wonder if it would have helped me a year and a half ago to hear from someone with some of my hang-ups who had moved a little further down the road. After all, even though Bonnie is a tremendous role model in many ways, I couldn’t exactly imagine someone reading MBS and thinking, “Gosh, if someone that shy about her sexuality could explore spanking, then so could I!”

More importantly, I thought about the time in my early twenties that I’d first read about sexual fantasies and their relationship to reality. How I’d felt tremendous relief to “learn” that just because essentially all of my fantasies involved being spanked didn’t mean that I would really like it. Secure in that conviction, I didn’t think much about the issue, at least not consciously, for another two decades. What if the internet had been available then? Would I have stopped hiding from myself and realized my sexuality more fully in the intervening two decades? I can’t honestly say. But I wish I’d known then that spanking play wasn’t relegated to leather bars, but was quietly (figuratively, anyway) practiced by grandmothers, schoolteachers, graduate students, and kind, gentle fathers. I guess that’s another way that spanking enthusiasts are a bit like gays and lesbians. If we were all “out,” the fringe stereotypes would be a lot harder to take seriously.

Another way in which “coming out” as a spanko is like coming out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual is the difficulty a lot of us find in accepting our own sexuality. I’ve watched close friends come out as gay or lesbian, and it seems that for all but a fortunate few, dealing with their own homophobia is an important first step. I’ve felt the same thing, with the added complication that I had no idea there was such a thing as a spanko community until about 18 months ago. I’ve always believed strongly that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business. But that doesn’t mean that it was easy for me to accept having desires outside of the mainstream. That has been a slow, semi-conscious process.

As seems to have been true for most of us, I thought I was the only one until I searched “spanking” on Google. At first, I just read the stories at a couple of large, well-known free sites. After all, that kept me busy for a while. It was as though I had been subsisting on only the odd spanking startle in mainstream books and other media, doled out irregularly and used for fantasy purposes long past the metaphorical freshness date on the label. Now, there was such a wealth of material! Some stories I liked, others bothered me, and quite a few fit both categories. After all, the spanking community is just that – a community, even a sub-culture, with its own terms and conventions. It takes a little while to understand how words are being used, especially as it there is so much variety in the community. It also took me a while to get a feel for the boundaries of fantasy and real life. Blogs like MBS helped a lot with that, because they showed me some of the people behind the stories and fantasies and helped me to see the range of ways in which adults engage in consensual spanking activities.

When I started reading newsgroups, I realized there was a lot of in-fighting within the community about which kinds of kinks were OK and which weren’t. I found this annoying and even troubling, but I couldn’t stop myself from making some of the same judgments at first. You know, “well, that’s okay, but doing this is just nuts!” That has a lot to do with not accepting oneself fully. After all, I don’t like horror movies, and I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t love Jane Austen. But I don’t think the people who disagree with me about these things are crazy. It’s much harder to be objective about a spanking kink, the exact manifestations of which probably have a lot to do with childhood experience in ways we’ll never fully understand even for ourselves, much less for others. That’s one thing I really like about MBS—everyone is accepting rather than just tolerant, and even rare disagreements are polite.

For me, the hardest issue to deal with has been the very idea of submission and dominance, especially in a male-dominant, female-submissive relationship. Just the words carry a lot of baggage. Moreover, the large number of people on the internet who believe that women need the loving, firm guidance of a superior male suggests that this is not an empty concern. I realize this is an issue that tries the patience of many readers of this blog, so let me be clear. In no way do I mean to imply that female submissives and male dominants are the vanguard of the Patriarchy, villainously striving to set women back millennia. That’s patently absurd.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not a huge hurdle for some of us to overcome. I work in a very male-dominated field, which no doubt makes me particularly sensitive to gender issues. So the hierarchical tags bothered me a lot. Over time, I have come to see the words as technical terms. I think Eve Howard made it clearest for me by defining a submissive as someone who prefers to be spanked and a dominant as someone who prefers to do the spanking. OK, I can live with being a submissive by that definition. And of course, I came to realize that the woman-in-charge who is quite happy, even relieved, to be submissive in the bedroom is a bit of a stereotype in spanking circles. I can see the attraction of that, too.

Still, I found that I had an easier time with F/F stories in the beginning. Once I got more comfortable with my interest in spanking, though, I found the M/F dynamic less threatening. And, well, I kind of liked the sex better in those accounts.  What really helped, though, was reading blogs like MBS, where I could get to “know” strong, smart, funny, and warm women who were clearly valued for all these traits by the intelligent and caring men who like to spank them. It was also hard to remain suspicious of male tops when they’re represented here by someone as obviously wonderful as Paul. Finally, it reassured me to know that people who have been playing for years still struggle with these issues occasionally.

Another similarity between the gay/lesbian and spanko journeys is that many of us are aware of our non-mainstream sexual interests long before we understand what they mean. In retrospect, it’s clear that I’ve had a sexual interest in spanking essentially all my life. Spanking fantasies are among my earliest memories, and I’ve recognized myself time and again as I read about the childhood startles and fantasies of others. Even simple things like looking up spanking-related words in the dictionary or attaching such mystical significance to the very word “spanking” that I could barely pronounce it aloud seem like near-universal spanko childhood experiences. As all that occurred long before I knew what an orgasm was, well, it’s no wonder many of us have found our journeys to be confusing!

There’s also the stereotype of lesbian women coming out relatively late in life, around the age of 40. I’ve watched it happen with friends, and I even found it a little amusing that it took so long. It seems to happen with spanking, too, and I think it’s a trend with similar underlying themes. Does it happen because women are supposed to reach their sexual peak at that time? Does it happen because kids leave home, careers get established, and women have a chance to focus on themselves a little? Does it happen because even those of us who are not terribly conventional finally figure out the extent to which we’ve been influenced by what society tells us we should do? It’s probably a combination of those reasons, at least for me. Whatever the causes, I think there’s a similar relief in understanding why leading a vanilla/straight (tick all appropriate boxes) life wasn’t working. All I can say to my late-to-come-out lesbian friends is that I’m laughing with you now. I just haven’t told you that.

I have confided in one vanilla friend, though. I had written in my SSS de-lurk that I couldn’t imagine talking to my best friends about spanking, but that was an oversimplification. I could imagine talking to one friend in particular. In fact, I had been rehearsing the conversation in my mind for weeks. I just didn’t think that I’d really do it, but a few glasses of wine and a long plane ride together were enough to overcome my inhibitions. It was wonderful. I knew she would be accepting and would try to understand, but I hadn’t anticipated that she would be so incredibly encouraging. She told me this was a part of my life that I should definitely explore. And, she added, I should provide her with the details! Well, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go that far, but who knows? I never thought I’d write anything like this, either.

As the title of this post indicates, I’m still in the middle of my journey, so I can’t give you a storybook ending yet. I can tell you, though, that even coming this far has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. For starters, my daydreams and fantasies sure are a lot more interesting! Going a bit more public has been tremendously liberating, too. Now that the big secret is out, it makes me feel that I can be more open with myself and others about a range of personal issues. Participating more fully on spanking sites also enhances the sense of community with fellow spankos, which is a wonderful and affirming experience.

Of course, I still wonder where all this will lead.

I don’t know the answer to that question. But I certainly intend to find out!

Finally, I want to thank all of you who have participated on MBS or whose blogs I’ve read elsewhere for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I suspect you have no idea how many of us out there you’ve helped along the way.

With gratitude and best wishes,

Indiana

Romantic Spanking Month

In case you haven't heard, Romantic Spanking Month begins later this week. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we here at MBS have developed a special calendar as a public service. It contains a different romantic spanking suggestion for each day of February.


Click on the calendar to see the full size version.
May your month be filled with spanko love!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 27

Our question this week was a simple one, but it generated some excellent discussion. So, what traits make a great spanker?

Skellos: I think a great spanker has to have the ability to really connect with his/her partner. I think that communication is often times what makes the difference between a mediocre experience and a great one. Another thing to consider is just knowing someone else's needs and desires. There comes a sort of bond that two people build and after getting to know each other it is easier to continue having better and better experiences. Communicating, knowing one's partner, and just having a natural gift for spanking all contribute to the making of a fine spanker.

Meg: To me, the most important traits are not dominance, assertiveness, etc., although they have a certain arousing quality at times, but dignity, caring, sensitivity, and, yes, gentleness. When I first met him, I was drawn to his looks and his obvious strength of both body and personality. But what soon set him so far above any other man I'd ever known was what is usually called class, along with tenderness that could melt, I do believe, even the coldest heart.

I still remember how I was so often moved to tears at the sight of him cradling our infant daughter in his arms, and I still find it exciting, even maddeningly arousing, to watch his hands as he performs a delicate manual task when he's doing a household or automotive repair or carefully holding a tiny plant during springtime gardening. It's awe-inspiring to watch him softly cup a little kitten in those powerful hands that are also so very good at certain other things that I know I needn't describe. In sum, it's his sweet side that matters most to me.

Greenwoman: I need particular things from my spanker depending on what kind of spanking I am getting.

For a loving spanking, one given just because we like it, to comfort me, for sensual pleasure, for fun, I want a man to be tactile. It’s erotic and comforting to be caressed during the spanking. I need a loving heart and a certain mindfulness. I want to know that I have his full attention and that he really wants to be there.

For a discipline spanking, I need a very calm, firm person, not someone who is angry. I need control of his actions and control of his emotions. I need to know that I'll only be given what it takes to make the message sink in and not more, so I don't want punishments given from a position of sadism, but from loving and kindness.

If it’s a therapeutic spanking, I want someone who will not bruise me all up, but who will push until the emotional release happens. So I need someone who is familiar with me. I can't just have a new lover do this sort of spanking. It has to be someone who can read me well and know when I've let it go fully. The first start of tears may or may not be when the release happens, that's the reason for the need to know me well.

Then there's the kind that are just because I'm the submissive and he's the dom and he wants to. Those kind are the kind from which I like to get a burn. I want experience for this kind because I want pain without damage. I like it cumulative and lengthy. I need someone I can really trust for this kind, because there will be moments when it hurts too much. I need to trust that he's not going to harm me, only play hard with me. I need to feel loved. Otherwise, I just feel beaten in the end, even if I started out wanting it.

I prefer my skin to be warmed up, even for punishment spankings. It allows the spanking to go longer without bruising. This is something that only an experienced spanker knows to do and how to do it.

Todd and Suzy: We have thought about this question before. We wondered what other spankos would say and we are so very much looking forward to the responses. We'd say a "good spanker" first and foremost must be a "good person." Without that, nothing else matters. To be "great" a spanker needs to be able to understand a spankee. They need to have a sense of what is needed, and then be able to put that above their own immediate desires (at least most of the time).

Curtis: I think the two most important qualities are caring and sensitivity. They must care about the well-being of the other person and be sensitive to their needs, desires, levels, and emotions.

Paul: I'd agree with Todd and many others a good spanker needs to be a good person, to be aware at all times of his SO's needs.

They must be able to read her body and must know her fully. He must be able to put her needs before his own, but must also know when his needs should be filled. Above all, LOVE, TRUST, AND COMMUNICATION are essential, as in all partnerships.

Phil: As a regular reader, but not a regular contributor, I have to agree with Todd. The concept that good spanker should be a good person sums it up nicely. When a spankee wants, or thinks they want, someone bad to deal with them, it is most likely fantasy and the reality might not turn out quite as imagined. Even when the spankee feels the need for discipline, punishment or just plain very hard spanking, as opposed to light erotic foreplay, the knowledge that their spanker is a good person provides security and trust. This enables them to let go and enjoy what they receive in whatever manner they have chosen secure in the knowledge that they are safe.

Eva: For me, it's the elements of mystery, surprise, and creativity. Not knowing the whens, whys, hows, and with whats can keep a spankee wanting and longing. That sudden, unexpected swat to the behind can turn me to submissive mush willing to do anything, go anywhere, etc.

And the creativity of something new and different is something I always dream of and love when I experience it.

All the rest is irrelevant. In my opinion any spanker who can master those things will be creating the best, most intimate of relationships 24/7/365.

Lele: I'd like to echo what the other posters said about the ability to listen (to what is being said and what is not being said), and caring. I'd also like to add in my opinion that spankers should be (and tend to be) people with the capability of making a decision, and following through with a course of action without doubt or second-guessing themselves. That's not to say that they won't change in the middle of a spanking for whatever reason. I'm saying that they won't be sitting there the whole time wondering, "Was this a good idea? Am I doing it right?" etc.

Lori: Much of what I would say has already been said. A spanker needs to be the person with whom the spankee can totally connect. I'm am often amazed at how my husband knows that I want more or how he's able to read my body language that I want a new implement, etc. It takes time and communication, but what a spanker needs to be is willing and open to understand, so he/she can learn their spankee. I don't mean that in the southern way of "I'll learn ya," but in a way that the spankee is the person receiving, and there is a learning process for the spanker to go through. I hope that makes sense, but I read some sites where the men just don't seem to take into consideration that they love the person they’re spanking. Whether discipline or play, it's all about love for us.

Luna: I have posted my response on my blog.

Hermione: There are three qualities I treasure:

Enthusiasm – My husband enjoys spanking me as much as I enjoy being spanked. He has established a routine of spanking me on a certain day and time. He has never been late, even by a minute. He is just as eager as I am to get on with it.

During spontaneous love-making, when I am not particularly expecting to be spanked, he will usually manage to incorporate a short, hard spanking (or two!) into whatever else he is doing to me at the time. He just can't resist my bare bottom!

Confidence – Ron knows my preferences as well as his own, and he takes complete control once a spanking is underway. I like it that way.

A Sense of Humour – After spanking and loving, when I am wrapped in his arms, my husband usually manages to say something funny to make me laugh. For me, a spanking is a very intense experience. Laughter helps to bring me back to reality in a gentle way.

Paige Tyler: In my opinion, he has to be an alpha male, for sure. I like him to be strong, confident, and take-charge, but not in a controlling of sort of way.

He needs to have the right tone of voice, too.

Oh, and of course, he has to know how to give a good spanking!

Elle: Spontaneity is something that hasn't been mentioned yet and I find that important. It keeps everything fun and exciting.

Being able to read the other person's body language is equally important.

Most important of all is enjoyment, everyone should be enjoying what's happening, both spanker and spankee. If your partner isn't enjoying it, or doesn't care whether you're enjoying it, then it's time you stopped.

Prefectdt: For me, a spanker has to have one of the two following traits (having both is brilliant, but one is enough)

One – Be a good communicator, both in play and discussing play, so that she can learn about what her spankee needs and desires.

Two – Be able to read a sub/bottom’s reactions within play, so that she can judge what works and what doesn't for the guy under her lash.

But most of all, a spanker must have individuality. They need their own personal style that reflects their personality and what they too enjoy about the spanking. Getting ideas and influences from other people is great, but they must be blended in to their own way of going about things.

Southern Angel: I think a spanker is a good spanker when he listens to his spankee and what he/she wants from the spanking.

Terpsichore: I think everyone summed up this question up nicely. I can't think of any more to add. A good spanker, and only spanker, for me is the man I love, my husband. While he may not have all the qualities of a good spanker yet, his qualities are kindness, trust, acceptance, humor, willingness to try and explore new things, and willingness to go on this journey with me to learn how to become a good spanker and make me happy... :-)

Dixie Darling: I honestly don't know if I can put into words what makes a great spanker. Especially because when I have everything typed, I'm sure to think of something else.

First off, a great spanker has the same traits I'd look for in a vanilla friend. Above all else, I want someone who is easy to be around and with whom I feel comfortable enough to just relax and enjoy time. That’s because, face it, if I can't enjoy you as a person, there’s no way you are getting a swing at me.

Secondly, I think the spanker has to be open in communicating what they are good at and, more importantly, what they are not so good at with regards to methods and implements. Someone who can be upfront and tell me they don't handle a certain implement or even certain intensity gets a gold star in my book because it gives me something to work with and know what NOT to expect.

Finally, and probably the most important in my mind due to issues that I struggle with inside the confines of safe play, they must be trustworthy. I need someone who I can trust completely.

Mary: I agree that a good spanker is first a good person. I think that a good spanker must be able to mix kindness and firmness. Consistency is an important trait. I value a person who is willing to converse and discuss what went well and what did not when growing in a spanking relationship. The spanker needs to be strong, physically and emotionally. I need to hear the strength in his voice and to feel him hold me with strength sometimes.

Oh, and I want someone who can tell when I am being a wuss about things. It seems that recently I have been accused of being a total wimp who can't seem to "take" a proper spanking without excessive whining. Luckily for me, he was recovering from that "bug" and didn't insist on giving the spanking that would get me over my wimpiness. Does anyone else go through wimpy phases?

Terpsichore: In response to Mary, I have yet to receive my first real spanking, so I do not know what intensity I am comfortable with. I do know that after receiving several really hard whacks with my husband's hand, I sometimes already say "ouch!" Other days, I am wish he would go on forever. I am a bit worried that I am going to be a wimp when he finally becomes comfortable taking me over his knee, but I am hoping he will have the strength of mind to know that I trust him and want him to push me past my comfort zone a bit. In turn, I am hoping that I can accept the gift graciously. I am probably not the most experienced one to answer your question, but there it is.

LDD-4-Me: I would like to think dominance is pretty low on the list of helpful traits for a good spanker.

I would like to think that at the top of the list would be some old fashioned values like honor, pride, and most of all integrity. This is not someone who simply demands respect, but someone who actually deserves it without asking.

I've written about it before, I think horror stories can come from people looking for dominant traits when that might not really be what they want.

Thank you all for your thought-provoking responses!

MBS Spanko Brunch #106

Thank you to everyone who sent well wishes in e-mails and comments. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'll be just fine once this bug has run its course. The posts I promised for last week will find their way here soon.

Our purpose today is to enjoy a nice brunch and talk about life as a spanko. I particularly like this week's topic and I think it will generate some great discussion. Rather than giving it an extended lead-in, I'll just toss the question out and let you take a swing at it!

What traits make a great spanker?

If you would like to participate, I invite you to leave a comment below. When everyone has commented, I'll post a summary of the results.

When It Rains...

I've not given up. I haven't forgotten you. I didn't lose the passion.

I'm just a bit under the weather. See you at brunch, OK?

Poll: What Type Of Spankee Do You Prefer?

Last week, I heard about it from the spankers for posting a spankees-only poll. In the name of fairness and equal time, here's a poll intended exclusively for those who like to spank.

Which type of spankee do you prefer? Quiet and resigned to their fate Resists at first, then gives in Pure brat all the way, lots of backtalk Wants to wrestle, struggle, escape Totally into the experience and loves it all The one who happens to be over my lap I don't spank, but I wish I did Spanking? Current Results

In with the New: Frostbite Edition

Given the time I invest in this blog, one might think that other blogs wouldn't be too high on my reading list. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. I love spanking blogs and the brilliant, wonderful people who create them.

That's why I like to discover each new crop and then introduce them to you. Here are a dozen and one young spanking-oriented blogs that I hope you will explore and enjoy.

Azephyra Lite Bad Little Girly Diary of a Darling Girl* Insolent Angel Little Miss Spuckable Lucy Confides Mandy's Blog Mary's Bare Tails Michelle Carlyle Motions of the Heart in E Searching through the Confusion Switching Gears Wilhelmina Dreams

*Not exactly new, but new to me

When you visit these blogs, I encourage you to leave comments. New bloggers are typically starved for feedback. They don't know whether they are doing things right or if anyone is even out there. Your timely words of support can make the difference between a successful blog and an abandoned effort.

To these new bloggers, allow me to bid you welcome to our community. I look forward to watching your blogs grow and thrive. I hope you find the spanko blogging experience as rewarding as I have!

Keywords: spanking, spanking blog, spanking blogs, spanking blogger, In with the New

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 20

This week, we debated what percentage of the population is spanking enthusiasts. As you can see, there was a lively discussion and wide distribution of opinions.

Lee: I would say so. I doubt that the majority of them live a lifestyle comparable to you and Randy, but the result seems highly probable. Here’s as an example. I worked with a girl this summer who seemed quiet during orientation. She seemed like someone most people would more likely peg as "virgin" than "kinky." She later told me in casual conversation, "Oh yeah, 'Dan' and I do weird stuff all the time. The other night, he definitely broke a paddle over my ass."

Lori: Well, no one has surveyed me or any spanko I know. So there must be a much higher percentage than 13%. Spanking is something about which most people keep quiet. Even if asked, a spanko may choose to answer “no” and thus throw off the result of the survey.

Jessica: I am sure that the statistic is true, if not a low estimate. I don't know that 30 million give hard spankings on a regular basis, but I'll bet more than that dabble.

Paul: I have no idea how reliable that figure is, but if it is good for the US, then we probably have about a 20% figure in the UK. This could be very encouraging.

Mthc: I think the number is probably low, although most people only spank as foreplay, and probably wouldn't admit to it!

JMRPT: Only 13%? I strongly suspect it's higher. Spanking for fun probably would not register as actual spanking for many folk.

David: I believe the number is low. To me, it is something special shared between two people totally committed to each other. Most people are not going to admit to this and share their true feelings with the rest of the world.

Lele: I believe the number is low too, but that could be wishful thinking!

Jeana: I think 13% seems about right. There sure seem to be plenty of people blogging or commenting on blogs about it. Like Bonnie, I have my theories about a few people that I know. Apart from myself and my husband, I have only heard two people bring it up in real life. One was a high school boyfriend who very playfully spanked me with a ping-pong paddle. We talked about taking it further, but it never happened and we broke up. The second was my best friend's husband who dropped by to pick something up one day. I was home by myself and he basically vented to me. Long story short, he had tried it, and she freaked out which led to him feeling like she didn't trust him.

This has nothing to do with the question, but when I try to post things on here it often says it has posted it and then when I look back it isn't there. Any theories?

Jeana, I’m sorry you’re experiencing that problem with Blogger. I’ve seen it before. What works for me is have a Google account and log in before I enter a comment. When I do this, my comments seem to be accepted every time.

Web-Ed: Another survey suggested that among young couples, 25% had at least experimented with spanking, which I find plausible. Unfortunately, as far as I know, there are no reliable figures as to what percentage of the general population we hard-core spankos represent. Based on the great difficulty many of us have in finding spanking partners, as well as other factors, I would estimate the true number is less than 10%, and probably 1% would be closer.

Hi Web-Ed! I’m delighted to have you join us.

Hermione: I agree that it is probably higher, maybe around 20%. More people would tend to deny actual spankings than claim fictional ones.

I would be interested in finding out the percentages by age group and by location within the US. I wonder if more older adults have been spanked, simply because they were exposed to it as children. And, in some areas of the US, corporal punishment at school is still permitted, I believe.

I assume the numbers for Canada would be similar. Since we have assimilated so much of American culture, why not spanking too? And it's a great way to keep warm!

Prefectdt: I would love to be able to believe this figure, but I am always wary of figures that are quoted by a popular source (e.g. a game show) until I find out the source of their information.

If this is an accurate figure, and 13% of people have received a spanking as an adult, that must mean that there is another 13% out there that gave those spankings. That would mean that as a group, we make up over one quarter of the population. That would be nice, wouldn't it :-)

Elle: I don't know much about the US, but where I live, I imagine the figure is MUCH higher. All of my close friends know about my so-called "unusual" sex life and the majority of them have confessed to a variety of related kinks. Not all do, but a lot of them. I've always been fairly open about these things, and I can talk about them. Maybe it's because I'm young, but I really don't see sex, spanking, or anything else I've tried *wink* as shameful or something that we should hide. It's something we should enjoy and not be afraid to say so.

That said, last week I had a semi-public "adventure" with the boyfriend that got me in a lot of trouble with some railway staff... So maybe I'll tone it down a bit.

Bonnie: I really have no idea. My first thought after reading this statistic was the one Prefectdt mentioned. If thirteen percent of adults were spanked, could that mean that a different thirteen percent did the spanking? But that’s probably wishful thinking.

Perhaps the real number depends upon our definition of spanking enthusiast. It’s one thing to take a few quick pops during sex or laugh over birthday swats at a college party and quite another to maintain a catalog of your extensive implement collection (or create 800 blog posts on the subject of spanking). I could easily imagine a quarter of the adult population fitting into the first group. The second group is obviously smaller. The most interesting question for me is How often and under what circumstances do members of the first group join the second? Again, I don’t have the answer, but it’s certainly worth pondering.

Anon: I have read other blogs and I think 13% is about right.

Kiwi: I would say it has to be higher. Most people won’t admit to it for whatever reason.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your insight!

MBS Spanko Brunch #105

As a spanko, I often wonder whether any of my real world friends and acquaintances might share this proclivity. I have my theories, but it's unlikely I will ever know with any certainty.

Then along comes this little morsel of savory trivia.

According to The Power of Ten (with a little calculation help from Think Pink), 13% of the adult US population (30 million Americans) have been spanked as adults.

Does this number seem plausible? If not, why not? What do you think the percentage should be?

If you would like to add your thoughts to our weekly spanko brunch, you need only leave a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a message on your own blog.

Poll: Getting Paddled

This poll was suggested by a regular reader. It's for the spankees.

Have you ever been spanked as an adult with a wooden paddle? Yes, and I liked it Yes, and it was OK Yes, and I didn't like it No, but I wish No, and I'm glad No, I don't get spankings Current Results

Four Million

Can you believe it? Four million times someone's index finger clicked on a link leading to My Bottom Smarts. Four million.

There are, of course, many blogs that get more traffic than this one. But that's still a mighty big number. I think we have to conclude that people are interested in recreation spanking. Lots of people, in fact.

So, here's to you, fellow lovers of the warm pink flesh! You make this journey worthwhile. Thank you all for your ideas, your comments, your words of support, your loyalty, and your affection.

Bonnie's Mailbag

I believe it's high time we investigated the contents of my mailbag. Wow, look at all this mail! I guess we ought to open it.

Please note that some messages have been paraphrased for brevity. Others have been left in their original pristine form so that you might enjoy them as much as I do.

Question: I can no longer get to your blog at work. It seems to be blocked. Do you suppose that it's been categorized as porn?

Response: I certainly don't consider MBS to be porn. I believe my content has artistic merit and is tastefully presented. There's no nudity and few naughty words. Nevertheless, the topics discussed are aimed at an adult audience. I know that some content filters consider this blog to be objectionable and therefore block it.

Regardless of filtering issues and how you choose to classify this blog, it's not a good idea for anyone to visit even borderline adult sites when at work. Whatever you're viewing, the chances are excellent that someone is logging your activities. Why take a chance? Be smart. Be safe. Go home and browse.

Comment: I hope you don't give up the blog as you mentioned in one of your posts. Maybe you are a little burned out and just need a break?

Response: Obviously, I haven't given up the blog. But I am constantly reminded that my energy is not unlimited. It's a balancing act and that won't change as long as I publish this blog. Someday, I will walk away, but today is not that day.

Statement: me and my wife Been spanking each other for a year and love it. at first I was not OK with spanking her and she really gets more turn on spanking me because I have a great body I an a marathon runner with six packs abs. this is how we spanks but does it give you a sore butt. 35 whacks on each side at a time with hair brush then 3 very hard whacks with a paddle with hole then you move to the other side.you do 4 set of this. then the final set you get 35 with wood hair brush follow with 5 whacks with a paddle with hole follow with 20 with a hair brush follow with 5 hard whacks with paddle with hole. then 10 very hard whacks with classic paddle then end with 5 hard whacks with a paddle with hole. the whacks are not hard just leaves you behind very red. she the one who wanted this so I went with it.

Response: Thank you for sharing your very complicated routine.

Question: Accidentally have seen your blogsite which is very interesting and applealing. The point is how i am lucky enough to meet you to get a good spanking. Can i have any clues about your location? Looking forward to seeing you.

Response: Here's your first clue - Planet Earth.

I have to wonder how anyone can read this blog at all and not recognize (a) I'm already in an exclusive relationship, (b) I don't spank, (c) I'm not looking to meet people for play, and (d) spelling is important to me.

Question: Would you ever consider selling your thongs?

Answer: The stores are full of them. Go buy some frilly underthings of your very own. You can tell the cashier that they're actually for your hot model girlfriend.

Question: A while back I was reading this conversation talking about real discipline and one person described a spanking routine that will guarantee the person will be crying after it is done. I have had a few hard spankings and wanted to try this one out. I like to be forced beyond the point where it hurts too much & I truly want it to stop and this one made me very curious and excited. I dont have a true Discipline lifestyle but do have a disciplinarian I visit occasionally that will give me one that is as close to real as you can get.

Response: I don't think it's possible for any spanking routine to induce crying in everyone every time. I do know one couple who managed to go overboard in their quest for tears. There was no permanent damage inflicted, but it was enough to derail the spanking part of their relationship for a while. So I would urge caution when testing limits.

In any such undertaking, honest communication between you and your disciplinarian is essential. You should discuss limits beforehand as well as what you seek to achieve. I strongly recommend a safeword and you should not be afraid to use it. It is very possible to be seriously injured if the swats stray away from the soft, fleshy tissue. If you are truly hurt, there is no glory in continuing. Live to play another day.

Question: May I write a guest post?

Response: If you want to write about some aspect of spanking and you can offer MBS readers an interesting perspective, I would welcome the chance to work with you.

Comment: Must write to say that the pic of your behind is very nice

Response: Thank you. I hope you had a chance to sample my writing as well.

Statement: I have just reviewed your lovely site and I share the same interest as you related to Adult Spanking. My interest probably began as a youngster and became my favorite subject as an adult, related to Adult Spanking.
I would appreciate discussing/sharing this exciting subject with you at your convenience? My profile can be found on many Spanking sites...

Response: I'm pleased to meet you. I hope you will understand that the majority of my free time is devoted to this blog. The good news is that most of what I have to say about the subject of spanking can be found right here. The bad news is that I don't get as much time as I would like for conversations with readers. Consequently, the best way to engage me in discussion is to drop by the blog for Sunday brunch or comment on posts that interest you.

Comment: I haven't written before, but I now feel as though I should. Your blog has helped me to make a change in my life for the better. I asked my husband if he would spank me for fun and, to my surprise and amazement, he agreed! I am now getting spanked every week and our love life is simply amazing! Thank you. Thank you!

Response: That's wonderful news. It's gratifying to read stories like this one. Spanking is obviously not for everyone, but for those of us who love it, it can be pure magic. I wish you and your husband many years of spanko bliss.

Question: Would you do linktrades with my blog?

Response: I get one or two of these messages every week. As you can see, I give links to a large number of blogs. My guidelines remain unchanged. I'm generally looking for spanking-related content created by real people. Beyond that, I don't care for blogs that are exploitive, offensive, blatantly commercial, extremely explicit, purely derivative, or interested solely in gaining traffic. Within these bounds, I'm pretty flexible.

Question: Do you know what it feels like to have a thumb up your ass?

Response: Do I really have to answer that? Wait a minute. This is my blog. I respectfully decline to answer that question. But I do wonder why he needs to know...

I think that's enough for now.

Video: Those Spanking Cowboys

Forget the singing cowboys. Today's video feature presents the best of the spanking cowboys. Apparently, the Old West had a whole bunch of frontier tail blazing!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 13

Is it possible that we are all a bit of a switch? Do tops secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, wish to bottom? Do we bottoms feel the urge the hold the whip? That was the question posed by Dave from Cherry Red Report. The responses, as you can see below, are as varied as the participants.

Anon VII: As a researcher, I'm in part a professional skeptic. Ergo, I usually shy away from words like "all," "none," "always," "never," and "every." I’m sorry if I rained on anyone's parade, but that's my honest answer.

Struggle4Control: As far as my wife and me, I am definitely all top, but she does harbor fantasies of being in a dom situation over another woman.

Jessica: I'm sort of new to this, so things may change. I'll have to say I have thought about the idea of me spanking someone and it really makes me feel sick and not in a good way. It feels like I would be abusing someone to spank or hit them. On the other hand, I find being spanked thrilling and arousing. Go figure!

I also enjoy seeing lovely (willing) female bottoms spanked, I just don't want to be the one doing it. I don't enjoy seeing males spanked for some reason.

Lori: As a sub, I can attest that I am all sub. I have no desire to ever spank someone else. I asked hubby and he says he's all dom. He has no desire to be spanked and, may I add, he has no desire to spank anyone but me even though he's thought about how a couple of my friends could use a good spanking.

Reesa Roberts: Of course not EVERY top or sub has a bit of the other in them. We can only speak for ourselves, or those we know about, so that's what I'll do.

My man definitely has NO subbie in him at all. He has no interest in being spanked or even being told what to do.

But I have a lot of domme in me that D has to spank out of me. LOL I can see me spanking a guy, especially if he deserved it. But it wouldn't be D! And I wouldn't want to spank a girl.

Also, when I see anyone of either orientation doing bad things, I always think, "They sure could use a spanking!"

Reesa, it's a genuine pleasure to see you! We definitely missed your experience and insight.

Dave: Thank you Bonnie, I am flattered you included my question in this excellent feature.

I’m looking forward to reading all the comments. Thanks again!

Thank you, Dave, for supplying us with a unique topic!

Paul: I have never felt the desire to be spanked. I had that beaten out of me as a child.
Mel thought that there was very little sub in me. Mel was all sub as far as I was concerned, but in her professional role there was a lot of Dom. Talking as a man whose wife was a psychologist, I have to say that most human beings have the potential to bring forth almost every facet of humanity.

Cometospk: I think if you’re spanker, you should know how the spankee feels to give her plenty of pleasure. You need to know about the intensity, feelings and sensations you’re giving in order to improve the pleasure of the session.

Whether subs has a little bit of top or not, I have different opinion. I think bottoms want a certain spanking and in this way, they know what are looking for. That means understanding how a spanking must be carried out to obtain good results.

Paige Tyler: I can only speak for myself, but as a bottom, I have absolutely no urge whatsoever to spank anyone, male or female. Now, that doesn't mean I don't like to top from the bottom!

Tina: This is an interesting topic to think about! Like most of the others, we have clear roles. I am submissive and he is dominant. But then again, in our everyday context, where we both intend to be equal partners, my dom often seems rather too dominant to me. Sometimes, he even makes me physically aggressive, in a way.

As far as sex is concerned, however, I am glad that he is 100% dominant (and very caring) and only gives room to my wishes when he wants to. Even when I am annoyed by his pushiness in everyday contexts, I never really want to spank or hurt him. On the contrary, I occasionally want him to hurt me more, in order to make me feel more submissive and at ease. However, that is a different topic.

It’s not always easy to keep sexual play and non-sexual contexts apart!

D and S: We think that quite a few male tops are occasionally willing to turn the other cheek, and even relish it. I find it very exciting to hand the reins over to Susan, now and then, and let her give me a sound bottom tanning, which is only fair as I know she enjoys having the whip hand. It also reminds me how the frequent spankings she gets really feel. She's a good tennis player and can swing a mean paddle against my rear! When she is in the mood, she usually gives me a hint. I rarely refuse her, and once I have agreed, my bottom is at her disposal until she thinks I have enough, not when I think so. We also play dice and card games, which earn spankings for the loser. Whatever happens, I am always the top, and Susan the bottom.

Greenwoman: I think we all need to surrender sometimes. I've not met a Dom yet who didn't talking about melting away with that just right massage or blow job and completely lose track of things because their sweet someone took good care of them. That's a moment of surrender. To me, surrender is a quintessential component of being submissive.

There are things we all like to control. We want some things to be just so. It’s the things about which we feel a compulsion. They must be in order or we can't relax. For me, its having my pillow and covers just so or I can't go to sleep. I'll wake the master up to get that, because I gotta have my sleep. *winks*

I'm a switch, so I love to give a good spanking as well as get one. I'm not the right person to remark on the spanking thing, but I can remark that I think that those who get love to get spankings are likely the very best at giving them or teaching someone how to give them. We bottoms know exquisitely exactly how to get to the perfect ass-burning moment.

Danielle: I once started as a spankee, but life taught us that exchanging roles with my husband worked out better in our marriage. He needed me much more as a dominant woman to rule his daily life, than as a submissive one, although he still likes to spank me for fun.

Terpsichore: I do not have any desire to spank anyone nor does my husband have any desire to be spanked. However, as partners in our everyday lives, we certainly each share making decisions and being the one in control as well as accepting and submitting to the other's needs or wishes. So perhaps we may have the potential, though I don't imagine at this time that we would ever choose to act on that potential. :-)

Hermione: At present I am a spankee and very comfortable in that role. I only want to be spanked by my husband, whenever he chooses and for as long as he likes. I would be reluctant to reverse our roles. The only reason I would ever do so would be at his request and that's very unlikely.

In childhood and adolescence I played spanking games, either alone or with a friend, involving a make-believe schoolroom with dolls (and the occasional co-operative younger cousin) as pupils. I took the role of stern governess or schoolmaster and administered spankings for a variety of reasons. It didn't occur to me to want to be spanked myself (spankings hurt!), but neither did the opportunity present itself in those circumstances.

By the time I had a serious relationship with a man and became sexually active, I made the connection between erotic spanking and sexuality, and my preference for being on the receiving end was established. So what would make me revert to that earlier role of top? My immediate response was "Nothing", but then I gave it some more thought.

I could again play the part of a spanker in a fantasy role-play scene that recreated those early play sessions. It would involve appropriate costumes and props as well as other people, and would be fairly well planned in advance. It would not be one on one and would not include any sort of sexual activity or intimate touching or disrobing except for the target area, of course. In other words, pure dramatic improvisation.

Come to think of it, I might also enjoy being a bottom in such a scene.

Barend: That is an interesting question. I have been switching between dominant and submissive feelings for almost all of my life. I can now base my answer on almost 50 years of experience. My take is that there must be something of a dominant in every submissive and vice versa. From the perspective of the dominant, it seems so unreal, unfair even, that he or she could never be in the partners lap, could never be vulnerable, or surrender. Being only dominant means that one is not a whole person. This accounts for the submissive as well. There could be exceptions, but these must be rare. However, there must be a load of dominants who are reluctant to fully open up with their submissive side...

Morningstar: As so many of your commenters have already said, I can only speak for myself, and well, for my Sir. However, He would probably raise an eyebrow or two at the thought of me talking for Him. (cheeky grin)

Sir has never been a sub/bottom. Nor does He harbor any secret fantasies to do so. He is all dominant!

I, on the other hand, always thought I was only submissive, and a big pain slut at that! But I discovered this past fall that I do enjoy domming the right male.

Although the first experience ended, well, rather badly, Sir and I are currently looking for another 'boy' to play with…

I guess I do have tendencies to dome, but Sir has none in the way of subbing.

Skellos: As far as my experiences go, I must say that not once, no not even once, have I ever had the desire to be submissive. It just doesn't seem natural to me. I am perfectly happy and comfortable being a top.

Marius: This is a very interesting question. I am a bottom, but I have tried topping once or twice. My preference is for bottoming, and I don't think I could describe myself as a switch. There are three female tops who I know particularly well. Two of them bottom occasionally. I must admit, I was very surprised when one of them in particular said she bottomed, and the way she was enthused about bottoming. I couldn't help wonder how she presented herself as predominantly a top. I wonder, do we, even subconsciously, switch to help us in our mission to please our play partner?

Elle: I think being switch is a bit like being bisexual. It is common amongst switches to say, "Everyone is a switch really" and it is common amongst bisexuals to say "Everyone is bisexual really". I'm switch (but not bi), and I do find it hard to believe that anyone is completely sub or completely dom. And of course, those who are one or the other tend to view switches as "confused" or "greedy," just as gay/straight people can sometimes view bisexual people.

As a switch myself, I would say I'm around 70% sub. I'm a masochist. I love to be dominated and I get an incredible kick out of the right kind of pain. These feelings can be heightened, though, by a bit of give and take. When I do play dominate, I love the feeling that the man is submitting to me. What excites me is that at any moment he could overpower me. He could stop me, physically, so even when I'm spanking someone or have a man in bondage, I love the feeling that I could end up "forced" to submit. That's what makes it so exciting.

Bonnie: My answer is an unequivocal no. I can’t speak for anyone but Randy and me, but that’s all the evidence I need to answer this question.

I love spankings – the preparation, the ritual, the feelings, the sensations, and the aftermath. My interest lies solely in being the recipient. This is a role that fits me and one with which I am comfortable (ignoring for the moment that whole business of sitting). I sometimes like to watch a spanking video, but I inevitably envision myself in the place of the spankee.

Randy is almost my mirror image. He spanks because he enjoys it and because he sees how beneficial it is for our relationship. The bottom role holds no allure for him. He has me to assume the position. Even on *his* birthday, I’m the one who willingly goes bottom up.

I don’t suggest that our arrangement is optimal or even appropriate for anyone other than us. But we feel no desire to switch.

Thank to Dave for an excellent thought-provoking question. Thanks as well to all of you who participated in this week's brunch. I hope you'll join us next week for more talk about this thing we do.

MBS Spanko Brunch #104

We've had a lot of fun with excellent guest posts. For our weekly brunch, however, we have a celebrity guest questioner!

Dave from Cherry Red Report asks "Do you think every top has a little bit of subbie in them, even if they might not readily admit it? And thusly, do you think every bottom has a little bit of top or spanker in them?"

To answer our question and join in the fun, you need only enter a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. After everyone has had their say, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

Video: Gidget Spanked

For everyone who asked about Gidget's spanking (circa 1965), here you are. Please note this link is to the entire episode. If you would prefer to skip straight to the swats, you can start at 23:00. Enjoy!

Common Threads: The Embarrassment / Fascination Paradox

During a recent e-mail conversation concerning the I Love Lucy clips, I was reminded of the contradictory and confusing feelings that came over me as a kid when I watched spankings depicted in popular TV shows. This didn't happen very often, but it was often enough that I paid close attention so as not to miss the next spanking reference.

During those 1960s programs, the word "spanking" was used in dialog fairly frequently. Even a passing reference was enough to make my pulse race. Occasionally, characters would talk about spankings they had received or would soon receive or were afraid they might receive. Sometimes, a noisy spanking would occur offstage. Other times, we would see only the aftermath (typically heartfelt contrition and difficulty in sitting).

Cartoons were chock full of spanking references and I sometimes watched purely in hopes of seeing one of "those cartoons." Looking back, I think that someone at Hanna-Barbara was a dedicated spanko. Tom and Jerry, in particular, included lots of swats.

The best, though, was when real characters received extended spankings on camera. These scenes provided the foundation for many of my favorite kinky fantasies.

I recall sitting on the floor in our den in front of a black and white console television. Other family members were in the room. When a spanking scene began, I felt simultaneously entranced and mortified. I was embarrassed because I feared my feelings must be obvious to everyone. In retrospect, I doubt anyone had any idea I was obsessed, or that someone could even take an interest in such a thing. I imagined that my face must be glowing as red as a freshly paddled posterior.

And yet... I couldn't take my eyes and ears away from the action on the screen. This was a spanking. It was a real spanking, or as real as anything on a TV program could be. This was what I had been waiting to see.

I wanted to stare, but I didn't want to be seen staring. I wanted to be sure to memorize every word and gesture, but I wanted to appear disinterested. How can one experience one of the high points of their adolescence while pretending nothing was happening? Such was the paradoxical life of spanko in training.

These became treasured memories and they remain so to this day. Like keepsakes, I would recall the images and words with fondness a hundred times over. In bed late at night, I would blend these recollections with my own vivid fantasies. The result was a desire, not just to watch, but to become an integral part of the action. I wanted to be the special one, the one who accepted this vigorous attention. I wanted a strong man to pull down my panties and spank me hard.

From these roots grew my passion for spanking and my desire to be spanked.

The Spanko Files: Jessica

One of the true joys of operating this blog is the opportunity to meet and talk with interesting, energetic, creative people. Some are long time spanking enthusiasts like me. Others are just beginning their journey of discovery. Some seek advice, but many are just looking for reassurance that these feelings they've had for years aren't weird or unusual. I am delighted to provide that reassurance, but sometimes it can be more effective when delivered by someone who has recently walked the same path.

Today, it's my profound pleasure to introduce my friend Jessica and present her story.

Sharing the Secret
           by Jessica

It has only been a few weeks since lurking on spanking blogs and couple of glasses of wine convinced me to tell my husband, Dan, my deepest darkest secret. I wanted to be spanked! Over the years, I had come across stories in vanilla erotic magazines with a bit of spanking in them. Each time I would feel my stomach flutter and clench and my panties would become wet, despite my best efforts to ignore the source of stimulation. Ever since I was a kid, I did my best to bury my “abnormal” impulses. Why did I let the cat out of the bag now?

I have been married to the same man for 20 years and he is generally not reluctant to try anything, as long as it includes sex. So why did it take me 20 years? After discovering the blog, My Bottom Smarts, I spent a week thinking about why I hadn’t told Dan about my needs. Maybe there is something about turning 40 that tends to change the ratio of fear to desire.

I knew that Dan would not leave me when I told him that I wanted to be spanked, but how can I leave myself so open and vulnerable to anyone? I have always been a leader in my job and in my life. I wanted to be relieved of the burden of leadership, or even fairly passive guidance, in my sex life. I believed that if Dan could help me to fulfill my need to submit to him with erotic spankings, my sex life would be all the more satisfying. Although my need was great, I was afraid that I would lose Dan’s respect. Even more concerning was the possibility that I would not like the reality of spanking or that I would somehow be disappointed in Dan’s efforts to fulfill my fantasy to be spanked.

So what’s a girl to do? I set up a rare night out without the kids. I wore a skirt and boots with thigh high black stockings. I usually wear slacks or jeans, but if I had the guts to tell him tonight, I thought easy access would make this adventure all the more fun. *grin* Off to the restaurant we went. Smiling easily, we got our table and began to talk about the usual day-to-day family stuff. One glass of wine and a mixed drink later, I started to feel a little less inhibited and a little more aroused. “What if we get a hotel room and have some wild sex for a few hours,” I suggested. I suddenly had Dan’s full and rapt attention. I could almost hear Dan’s cock jumping to life. As our old friends from Saturday Night Live, Wayne and Garth, would say, “Schwing!”

“While we’re on the subject of wild sex,” I continued, “I have wanted to try something for a long time, but I was afraid to mention it.” I read no trepidation from Dan. He sensed an imminent wild night of fun, “What is it?” he asked enthusiastically. I chickened out momentarily. “Never mind, it’s nothing.” Dan, not willing to let this go, inquired “Really, what is it?” “Umm…” I stalled, “Well, Hmm… What would you think if… I was thinking we should try… Oh, I don’t know.”

Dan, the master of silence, waited patiently. He stared at me intently. Oh crap, I thought, how can I back down now? I took a deep breath an said “Okay… I want to be spanked.” I exhaled. It was done. I did it. There could be no turning back now. Dan didn’t skip a beat. He cocked his head slightly with a small intrigued smile and spoke in a light but gentle tone, “Really? Okay.” There was no hesitation. I didn’t think he would. Dan started wrapping up dinner casually but quickly and said, “Let’s go.”

- - - - - -
We checked in to a local hotel with no baggage, only a bottle of wine and a fluttery stomach. We were ready to go. Dan settled himself sitting on the edge of the bed as I stood beside him. Dan looked at me with the half smile he had maintained ever since I had told him about my fantasy to be spanked. I suddenly couldn’t find a place for my hands. I folded my hands across my chest and looked at Dan shyly. My stomach continued to do flips and I was suddenly aware of my heart pounding against my ribs. I was shaking slightly and wondering what came next.

Dan didn’t make me wait long. He cocked his head, smiled, patted his lap and sweetly said, “Come ‘ere.” I stepped over to Dan and began to lower myself over his lap. I felt Dan’s hand on my back gently guiding me into position. Dan raised my skirt slowly and admired the view. He pulled my panties down and slowly rubbed over the curve of my bottom to the tops of my stockings. My body shivered slightly in anticipation.

“I like,” Dan said in a husky voice. He continued to stroke my bottom gently building the anticipation in both of us. Suddenly he smacked my bottom. Whack! I was surprised by how loud it was. I fleetingly hoped that the hotel walls were thick and then, whack, whack, whack. Dan’s tentative spanks started to gain a little more velocity. “Yesss,” I thought. This is what I needed. I arched my back and presented my behind for more attention. “Yesss, stick that butt up,” Dan muttered.

Smack, smack, whack, smack. “How’s that baby?” Dan asked. “Umm, good,” I answered breathlessly. I mean, how do you answer that question? I was starting to feel the sting of the smacks, which is pain, right? So I was basically saying that pain is good. Hmm, no wonder I was confused all of those years! I couldn’t think about that, I just wanted more!

Dan paused to admire his work. I felt his fingers work their way into my center. They found me wet and ready. He helped me onto the bed face down and quickly undressed. A few more smacks to the bottom for good measure and he entered me from behind. As his hips surged forward to claim his prize, he alternated spanking my stinging behind and massaging my previously ignored rear orifice. The combination of sensations was bringing me quickly to the edge. I moaned and bucked and began to feel my sanity slide away. As Dan continued to smack, thrust, and finger, my entire body contracted starting in my center and blasting its way to every peripheral nerve while circles of light exploded behind my eyes. I am not particularly quiet during an orgasm and my screams of passion prompted to Dan his own crescendo. As my body continued to rock and vibrate in ecstasy, Dan picked up the intensity of his thrusts, ramming deeply as his own release sent shudders through his body. My knees collapsed and Dan fell on top of me; we were both spent and very satisfied. Dan rolled to lie next to me and looked at me with a smile. “You look… content,” he said. And that is certainly how I felt.

For the next couple of days, all I could think was, “This is a really fun new game!” I received an e-mail from Dan that said “I want you to send me two spanking stories and we need to make a lunch date for this week.” I smiled to myself as my bottom tingled. Ooooo, let the games begin!

Thank you, Jessica, for sharing your secret with Dan, and with us! It sounds as though you two lovebirds have many happy adventures ahead of you (or would that be behind?). Either way, it sounds like delicious fun.

Keywords: spanking, guest post, erotic spanking, spanking story, spanking and sex

Retro Spanking with Ricky and Lucy

Since everyone enjoyed our last retro TV spanking feature with Gidget, here's another dose. This clip combines several memorable spanking sequences from I Love Lucy.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 6

Our brunch topic for the week was resources for the spanking enthusiast. Here are your thoughts.

PBF: I am sure many potential spankos would search the web. For many people, the web is the first port of call for information.

We do have a few books of a fictional nature on spanking, but mostly we look at the blogsphere for our information.

If I were offering advice to a newbie, I think I would tell them to ask Bonnie!

Terpsichore: When I first decided that I wanted to share my life-long fantasy with my husband several months ago, I was so afraid what he would think. I felt as though there was something wrong with me. So I looked on the internet to research and found Bonnie's site. I have found this website and Bonnie to be so encouraging and helpful to me. MBS also linked me to some other great sites. I now know I am not alone, and instead of being fearful and judging of myself for my desires, I am embracing them. I continue to return to this community for support, advice, and to read everyone's comments and stories. I am forever grateful.

Jean Marie: I think that this topic breaks down along the demographic of age. I have gotten a lot of information about spanking from the Internet and blogs such as yours. But being a female in her thirties, my first source as a lustful girl was paperback books, the smuttier the better. These books subliminally told me that somewhere out there were others who held a prurient interest in seeing a poor girl bared and soundly disciplined. That set me on the path of looking for Mr. Right, who would do it to me, and not settling for anyone who didn't share this fetish.

I must admit that the question initially made me smile, however. I mean, spanking is not rocket science. Or maybe it's similar, because experimentation yields wonderful results... You simply apply hand to tush. I will admit that the first time I expressed an interest in having my bottom caned, I proceeded with a little more caution. The guy in question (who owned his own cane, so I knew that there was something there to be pursued) was asked to demonstrate his technique for me on a pillow first. He did, but went one better by producing Polaroid pictures of lots of ladies’ naked and marked bums that he'd striped. I was impressed, and envious enough to want to join his sorority. I took a much harder thrashing than I first expected, just to have something to show off in front of his camera afterward.

Wilhelmina: I used to come here under another name, so though the name is new, I have been a regular reader and sometime poster here for a while.

The web was the first place I looked too. Given that erotic spanking is our thing, the discipline side scared me when I first started reading. Reading many different blogs helped with this and though we still don't include discipline, I can see how it would work for others.

The tutorials on this site helped a great deal more for my lover than me, as it was me who asked him to spank me.

These days, sites are used more as a way of getting ideas. *wink*

Welcome back, Wilhelmina, and best wishes with your new blog.

Carye: Where would I direct them? To your site, of course! You have some great information and fantastic stories, and so many commenters and readers, your site and several others would be where I would start them!

Ramius: You have an interesting blog.

Welcome, Ramius, and thank you!

Abby: I'll jump on the bandwagon and say this is an excellent place to begin exploring the spanking blogosphere. It's one of the first spanking blogs I discovered, and the rest is history. :-)

A few non-blog recommendations, though:

When I was 18 and a freshman in college with private access to the Internet for the first time, I dove right into searching for spanking sites. I literally lived on Laura's Spanking Corner. It's a collection of stories that span everything from real life childhood recollections to schoolgirl stories to more sexy and/or mature scenarios. It's still there, and still very much recommended.

If one is looking for more visual exploration (of the non-blog variety), I'd recommend Northern Spanking. Yes, it's a pay site, but everyone involved is clearly having so much fun, even when the spankings are more severe, and it's the only place I've ever seen a caning that resulted in giggles. There's some stronger stuff, too, but never squicky. Many of the girls (such as Niki, Adele, and Amy, to name a few) have their own fantastic blogs as well.

Indiana: My take is that for general information, self-acceptance, learning from a wide spectrum of the spanking community and introducing spanking if you have a partner, MBS is the place to go.

For those of us who do not have partners, I also recommend the Shadow Lane web site, especially the classic Stand Corrected, Jr. issues and Eve Howard's columns. These contain advice about dating and party etiquette and safety. The reader surveys also contain interesting information. For example, I was a little surprised (relieved) to learn that most women are not comfortable being marked, as much of what one reads (or especially watches) on the internet might give a different impression. Similarly, they report that half the male readership switch, while most of the female readership prefer a partner who doesn't. Of course, it's not possible to say how representative these surveys are. But most of the information available on the internet is by nature anecdotal, so it's nice to have a broader perspective.

Lori: If someone asked me, I would send them to the same place I started. Right here! Your real life stories, tutorials and brunches were every bit of information that I needed. If someone was looking for more of a DD site, I think I would send them to Cassie's blog to read real life accounts. I'm sure there are plenty of others. That's just one that I frequent.

Mary: I started by searching the internet with words like spanked, discipline, strap, etc. Eventually, I got lucky and found Creative Spanko Wench (Patty's site had a different name originally). I loved her stories. I eventually found Bonnie, and I would definitely point people here now. I also like Journey to the Darkside (Padme is fun). Now, when I have the time to explore further, I link from MBS mostly. I find great links from your blog and it saves time weeding through the endless Google lists.

David: If someone I knew wanted to really find out about a spanking lifestyle, I would send them here or to New Beginnings.

Mthc: There are several I would recommend Here, of course, New Beginnings, Cassie's, and Discipline and Desire.

Paul: Bonnie, I agree with most of your commenters. I actually started with CSW and from there to here.

If I'd been fifty years younger, MBS would have been my first port of call. When I first met Mel, well, we worked it out.

Hermione: Besides the unlimited information on the internet, and on this blog specifically, here are some resources I have used and/or would consider recommending to someone who is curious and wants to learn more about what we do.

Books - There is a wealth of fiction available. Some is good, some not so good. A great little resource is The Compleat Spanker. It's short but comprehensive and covers all spanking-related topics. Consensual Spanking is another. Many books about sex contain some mention of spanking, but not always in a tolerant or informed way.

Television - There is a Canadian show called Kink that follows several individuals over 13 weeks as they pursue their non-vanilla lifestyle preferences. It’s not only spanking, of course, but it's usually included. There are also shows about sex that often have one episode about BDSM.

Workshops - I know of one adult store that holds evening workshops on just about every sex-related topic, including pain and pleasure. I'm sure there are others that do the same. Workshops are also held in major centres by well-known BDSM practitioners. These aren't exactly advertised in the local paper, but you can learn of them through online groups or notices in adult shops.

Videos - There is a video called Nina Hartley's Guide to Spanking that gives a good basic introduction to spanking for couples. However, it also contains a great deal of very graphic, explicit F/F and M/F sex.

Magazines - I can't comment on them because there's a restriction in Canada on articles about subjects considered 'offensive'. Canadians get different versions of quite a few American publications. I remember reading a story in which 'spanking' was obviously changed to 'kissing' and 'hairbrush' became 'lip balm!'

Adult shops - These establishments are a great source of books, videos, toys and information. The staff are usually knowledgeable and will answer questions in an honest and matter-of-fact manner, if you are brave enough to ask.

Happy Twelfth Night!

Raheretic: I would, of course, suggest here as well as Spanking Blog, and Aunty Agony as points of initial information about adult consensual spanking. In terms of a book for beginners, I would suggest The Compleat Spanker.

Jessica: I have never found any real resources outside of the web. Prior to the internet, there was the occasional stray story with spanking in erotic story magazines. MBS is the best resource site I have found so far. There are also some interesting explanations on Wikipedia for BDSM. Who'd of thunk it?

Soma: I just recently started finding information on spanking last fall and this site was the first one I happened across. I went through a lot of the past posts, especially the tutorials, to learn more. I also found the forum/storyboard on Spanking Classics to be very helpful in finding more information about spanking. I got a lot of information from there that helped me learn about spanking and well, lessen my nerves a bit, since this was all new to me. Both this site and that one helped quite a bit in preparing me and making me feel more comfortable for my first spanking that I recently had.

So I would definitely recommend MBS and the other I mentioned for finding more information, especially for a newbie

Hi, Soma! I'm delighted to have you join us.

Paige Tyler: I've actually recommended your blog to several people, Bonnie! You have such fantastic information for newbies!

I also recommend my own website, especially if they're looking for spanking stories to show their significant other. I know it's a bit of shameless promotion, but what can I say?! LOL!

Prefectdt: I started playing long before there was internet. In those days, it was books for info and you had to have the courage to go and look in bookshops. To get information about what was going on in your country, then it was magazines. There was a specialised magazine that published an article on codes used in personal ads in vanilla publications. This helped me to find my first playmates. God, life was hard then.

Now, with websites and blogs, if you’re prepared to look hard and long enough, there is a lot of information out there. One advantage is that you can read about the same subject from many different viewpoints.

For someone who is new to the lifestyle, I would first try to get in contact with an established group for advice and try to speak to somebody who is like you, but more experienced. For example, a male top should try to get advice from an experienced male top, and so forth.

This may be unpopular, but I really would recommend that a newcomer goes to see an experienced and understanding professional for their first "hands on experience." It is expensive, but you will have, at your first play a lot of experience and confidentiality available to you. This way, you can avoid the problems that two inexperienced players may encounter. It also avoids the issues associated with playing with somebody who is less experienced than they say they are (this does happen, and it has happened to me). Even if you can't find a playgroup with lots of members, see if you can see a professional for a little instruction.

Curtis: The person who made me most comfortable with my spanking interest and echoed how I felt was (and probably still is) Eve Howard especially in her various early analytic but very sensual writings.

Elle: I've always been very aware of spanking in a way. I would play games that involved it as a child. I would joke about it as a teenager. It's always sort of been there in my life. But it was only in the past year or so that I started to really seriously consider my position on spanking and S'n'M in a wider sense.

A friend sent me a link to the Wikipedia entry on adult spanking one night, teasing me that, "It sounds right up your street". I had never thought about searching for spanking online, and thankfully when I did, this lovely, warm, friendly blog appeared. If I'd wandered onto a hardcore site first, I think I would have given up the internet up and gone back to fantasizing in my head. It's really nice to be able to read about spanking as part of a relationship, not just as an abstract concept or random picture. From reading this blog and exploring others off it, I've gained a fuller sense of what exactly my interests are (and aren't). I've been able to articulate this, both to my boyfriend and to my curious friends. If any of them ever asked I would send them here, because not only is it one of the best blogs online, but it also has the most comprehensive list of links to others which makes exploring easier and probably safer.

Bonnie: OK, folks. I was totally not fishing for praise or plugs. But thank you anyway.

This blog, quite naturally, covers those aspects of spanking with which I am most familiar. Specifically, we tend to focus on erotic spanking in the context of a committed M/F relationship. I acknowledge that this is but one of many permutations. That is a major reason why my blogroll is as inclusive as it is. I think every blog and web site listed has a message that will be valuable for some readers.

For example, I don’t have much to say about F/M relationships, but Mike does. Similarly, there isn’t much I can add to a discussion about playing at spanking parties, but Doc Tsai, Emmy or Cigi surely can. I have no first hand experience with GLBT or poly relationships, but other members of our community do. Randy and I don’t practice domestic discipline. Nor do we employ heavy bondage. But our spanko blogging friends have intimate knowledge of all these topics.

The point is that no one can be knowledgeable about all things. The next best thing is knowing smart, generous people who willingly share their knowledge and insights. From this perspective, community is the greatest resource of all.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this week's brunch. There were many excellent resources cited and I hope they prove to be helpful for you.

Have a great week and please join us again next Sunday!

Keywords: spanking, spanking resources, spanko, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch