We've had a lot of fun with excellent guest posts. For our weekly brunch, however, we have a celebrity guest questioner!
Dave from Cherry Red Report asks "Do you think every top has a little bit of subbie in them, even if they might not readily admit it? And thusly, do you think every bottom has a little bit of top or spanker in them?"
To answer our question and join in the fun, you need only enter a comment below, send me an e-mail, or post a response on your own blog. After everyone has had their say, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.
20 comments :
As a researcher, I'm in part a professional skeptic. _Ergo_, I usually shy away from words like "all," "none," "always," "never," and "every." Sorry if I rained on anyone's parade, but that's my honest answer.
Anon VII
As far as my wife and me, I am definately all top while she does harbor fantasies of being in a dom sitation over another woman.
I'm sort of new to this so things may change. I'll have to say I have thought about the idea of me spanking someone and it really makes me feel sick and not in a good way. It feels like I would be abusing someone to spank or hit them. On the other hand, I find being spanking thrilling and arousing. Go figure! I also enjoy seeing lovely (willing) female bottoms spanked, I just don't want to be the one doing it. I don't enjoy seeing males spanked for some reason.
-Jess
As a sub, I can attest that I am all sub. I have no desire to ever spank someone else unless. I asked hubby and he says he's all dom. He has no desire to be spanked and may I add, he has no desire to spank anyone but me even though he's thought about how a couple of my friends could use a good spanking.
Hi, Bonnie! I'm finally venturing out into the world again... thank you for waiting for me!
Anyway, of course not EVERY top or sub has a bit of the other in them, we can only speak for ourselves, or those we know about, so that's what I'll do.
My man definitely has NO subbie in him at all. No interest in being spanked or even told what to do.
But I have a lot of domme in me that D has to spank out of me, LOL. I can see me spanking a guy, especially if he deserved it. But it wouldn't be D! And I wouldn't want to spank a girl.
Also, when I see anyone of either orientation doing bad things, I always think, "they sure could use a spanking!"
Great question, Dave!
Huggs,
Reesa
Thank you Bonnie, I am flattered you included my question in this excellent feature.
Looking forward to reading all the comments. Thanks again!
Best of regards,
Dave
Bonnie, good question Red.
I have never felt the desire to be spanked, I had that beaten out of me as a child.
Mel thought that there was very little sub in me.
Mel was all sub as far as I was concerned, but in her professional role there was a lot of Dom.
Talking as a man who wife was a psychologist, I have to say that most human beings have the potential to bring forth almost every facet of humanity.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Hi Bonnie,
I think if you´re spanker you should know how spankee feels to give her plenty pleasure. You need to know intensity, feelings and sensations you´re giving, in order to improve the pleasure of the session.
Whether subs has a little bit of top or not, I have different opinion, I think bottoms want a certain spanking and in this way, they know what are looking for... that means, how a spanking must be carried out to obtain good results.
I like very much your blog ;)
I can only speak for myself, but as a bottom, I have absolutely no urge whatsoever to spank anyone, male or female. Now, that doesn't mean I don't like to top from the bottom!
*hugs*
Paige
Dear Bonnie,
interesting topic to think about! Like most of the others, we have clear roles. I am submissive and he is dominant. But then again: In every day context, where we both intend to be equal partners, my dom often seems rather too dominant to me. Sometimes he even makes me physically aggressive, in a way.
As far as sex is concerned, however, I am glad that he is 100% dominant (and very caring) and only gives room to my wishes when he wants to. And even when I am annoyed by his pushiness in every day contexts, I never really want to spank or hurt him. On the contrary, occasionally, I want him to hurt me more, in order to make me feel more submissive and at ease. However, that is a different and new topic, as it seems:
It´s not always easy, to keep sexual play and non sexual contexts apart!
Sorry for diverting - thanks again for the topic,
Tina
We think that quite a few men tops are occasionaly willing to turn the other cheek,and even relish it. I find it vey exciting to hand the reins over to Susan, now and then ,and let her give me a sound bottom tanning which is only fair, as I know she enjoys having the whip hand, and also it reminds me what the many and frequent spankings she has from me really feel like.She's a good tennis player, and can swing a mean paddle against my rear ! She usually gives me a hint, when she is in the mood, I rarely refuse her, and once I have agreed my bottom is at her disposal until she thinks I have enough, not when I think so. We also play dice and card games, which earn spankings for the loser.Whatever happens, I am always the top, and Susan the bottom. D & S<
I think we all need to surrender sometimes. I've not met a Dom yet who didn't talking about melting away with that just right massage or blow job and completely loose track of things because their sweet someone took good care of them. That's a moment of surrender. To me, surrender is a quintessential component of being submissive.
There are things we all like to control. We want some things just so....its the things we feel a compulsion about having in order or we can't relax. For me, its having my pillow and covers just so or I can't go to sleep. I'll wake the master up to get that...cause I gotta have my sleep. *winks*
I'm a switch, so I love to give a good spanking as well as get one. I'm not the right person to remark on the spanking thing...but I can remark that I think that those who get love to get spankings are likely the very best at giving them or teaching someone how to give them. We bottoms know exquisitely exactly how to get to the perfect ass-burning moment.
I once started as a spankee, but life taught us that exchanging roles with my husband worked out better in our marriage. He needed me much more as a dominant woman to rule his daily life, than as a submissive one, although he still likes to spank me for fun.
I do not have any desire to spank anyone nor does my husband have any desire to be spanked. However, as partners in our every day lives we certainly each share making decisions and being the one in control as well as accepting and submitting to the other's needs or wishes. So perhaps we may have the potential though I don't imagine at this time that we would ever choose to act on that potential. :-) Best wishes, Terpsichore
Interesting queston. Having been switching between dominant and submissive feelings for almost all of my life I can now base my answer on almost 50 years of experience. My take is that there must be something of a dominant in every submissive and vice versa. From the perspective of the dominant it seems so unreal, unfair even that he or she could never be in the partners lap, could never be vulnerable or surrender..being only dominant means that one is not a whole person...this accounts for the submissive as well...there could be exceptions but these must be rare...however there must be a load of dominants who are reluctant to fully open up with their submissive side...
well as so many of your commenters have already said.. i can only speak for myself.. and well my Sir.. though He would probably raise an eyebrow or two at the thought of my talking for Him.. (cheeky grin)
Sir has never been a sub/bottom.. nor does He harbor any secret fantasies to do so. He is all dominant!
i on the other hand always thought i was only submissive..... and a big pain slut at that !! But i discovered this past fall that i do enjoy domming the right male.
Though the first experience ended - well - rather badly .. Sir and i are currently looking for another 'boy' to play with .....
All that to say - i guess i do have tendancies to dom.. but Sir has none in the way of subbing.
morningstar (owned by Warren)
As far as my experiences go, I must say that not once, no not even once have I ever had the desire to be submissive, it just doesen't seem natural to me. I am perfectly happy and comfortable being a top.
Very interesting question. For me, I am a bottom, but have tried topping once or twice. My preference is for bottoming, and I don't think I could describe myself as a switch. There are three female tops who I know particularly well, two of whom bottomed occasionally. I must admit, I was very surprised when one them in particular said she bottomed, and the way she enthused about bottoming, I couldn't help wonder how she presented herself as predominantly a top. I wonder, do we,even subconsciously, switch to help us in our mission to please our play partner?
I think being switch is a bit like being bisexual. It is common amongst switches to say "Everyone is a switch really" and it is common amongst bisexuals to say "Everyone is bisexual really". I'm switch, (but not bi), and I do find it hard to believe that anyone is completely sub or completely dom. And of course, those who are one or the other tend to view switches as "confused" or "greedy", just as gay/straight people can sometimes view bisexual people.
As a switch myself I would say I'm around 70% sub. I'm a masochist. I love to be dominated and I get an incredible kick out of the right kind of pain. These feelings can be heightened though, by a bit of give and take, and when I do play dominant, I love the feeling that the man is submitting to me. What excites me is that at any moment he could over power me. He could stop me, physically, so even when I'm spanking some one or have a man in bondage, I love the feeling that I could end up "forced" to submit. That's what makes it so exciting.
My answer is an unequivocal no. I can’t speak for anyone but Randy and me, but that’s all the evidence I need to answer this question.
I love spankings – the preparation, the ritual, the feelings, the sensations, and the aftermath. My interest lies solely in being the recipient. This is a role that fits me and one with which I am comfortable (ignoring for the moment that whole business of sitting). I sometimes like to watch a spanking video, but I inevitably envision myself in the place of the spankee.
Randy is almost my mirror image. He spanks because he enjoys it and because he sees how beneficial it is for our relationship. The bottom role holds no allure for him. He has me to assume the position. Even on his birthday, I’m the one who willingly goes bottom up.
I don’t suggest that our arrangement is optimal or even appropriate for anyone other than us. But we feel no desire to switch.
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