Spanking Blogs: Myth and Reality

I was recently invited by the publishers of Wellred Weekly to contribute a guest article on a topic related to blogging. The result was Spanking Blogs: Myth and Reality. As the title suggests, I present a series of ten common misconceptions regarding spanking blogs and then set the record straight. I hope you enjoy it!

A Spanko Testimonial

The text that follows was written by RU from LU Through the Looking Glass. It's a gentleman's heartfelt expression of love and a powerful testament to how spanking can transform an intimate relationship. I thought these words were too inspiring not to share.

There is simply no amount of money in this world that comes close to the feeling I get when LU looks at me. The spark in her eyes, the look of love on her face, the touch that is completely electric. To this day, when she walks in a room, I swear my heart skips a beat. Seriously, these are no cheesy love song lyrics. It happens! This feeling has no equal. When you find it, it is the greatest treasure you will ever know. I have found it and will not let it go. Our initial reunions are always very intense after being apart for so long and building it up with our electronic flirting. It usually is only a matter of minutes before one of us pounces on the other one. This time I got pounced! She is an agile one... That LU!

So I know, you are saying about now... get to the spanking part. Share with me RU! As LU said, we had a couple of sessions. I would like to share a little about our second session. It was the most intense to date. I spend some time thinking about how I want LU to receive her quality spank time. This time it was blindfolded on the edge of the bed with a couple of pillows helping to prop up and present my target nicely. We had the most intense experience and took this opportunity to explore each other VERY, VERY thoroughly. All the while, she was blindfolded and enjoying an ever reddening bottom. We continued until neither one of us could take it any longer and proceeding into passionate lovemaking, followed by some serious lovemaking (choose your preferred word here). Apparently, spanking is the ultimate in foreplay for us. We keep it fun. She will giggle, but note that too much giggling may result in a firm smack!

Spanking draws LU out in ways I can’t describe. It frees her, relieves her stress, and as she shared (and to me for the first time), it has helped her to understand that she does not have to be this independent island, and does not have to carry life’s burdens alone. I love the intimacy and trust this has brought into our relationship. And well, seriously? Is there anything more amazing then the sight of your lover presenting and sharing herself with you in the most intimate of ways? That’s Hot!

So, guys, if your woman asks you for a spanking, what are you going to say?

The Spanko Files: Whatever Happened to Innocent Indy?

When last we heard from our friend Indiana, she had just begun her journey of discovery. Now, a little over a year later, she has significant progress and lots of valuable insights to share.

Whatever Happened to Innocent Indy?

When I last posted here, in January of 2008, I’d more or less come to terms with my spanking desires and was determined to explore them in real life – preferably soon! About two months later, I posted the following announcement on a couple of spanking-related boards I frequent:

I played for the first time(s) over the weekend at a regional spanking party. Sorry, I have no particularly interesting details. It feels weird to just tell everybody back here that I just went away to see friends in another city as if it were no big deal, when actually, I would really describe it as a subtly life-altering experience. So I thought I'd leave a short post here.

Looking back over the last year, I’d have to agree with that assessment. It was a life-altering experience, even if I couldn’t exactly share my excitement with casual acquaintances. And it was just the beginning. Since then, I’ve been to spanking parties, both large and small, in five different states, and I’ve even managed to play privately a few times in my home state. I’ve learned an awful lot about this thing we do and where I fit into the culture, but I’m not concerned about running out of things to learn anytime soon. Most important, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people from all over the country and from abroad.

I’ve noticed a certain suspicion about spanking parties from some MBS readers. I have to admit that I was initially wary of the idea of walking into a room of complete strangers and asking one of them to spank me. As I didn’t have a partner, though, a party seemed like the safest arrangement to me. Perhaps equally important, I was looking for community. As much as I’d enjoyed getting to know people through the internet, I really wanted to talk to other people interested in spanking face to face.

I’m not always one for making careful preparations, but I did as much as I could to get ready for my first party. I read Eve Howard’s advice on the Shadow Lane Member’s Site, along with Doc Tsai’s and Cigi’s party advice. I also got excellent advice from internet friends. Two of the most important pointers I received are pretty standard advice for female bottoms. First, consult the experienced female bottoms in the group about good play partners for a newcomer. Second, when you do start playing, pace yourself. Don’t play too hard on the first day, or you’ll sit the second day out – and the third, if applicable.

The third key piece of advice I received surprised me a bit at first. An internet friend recommended that I have a strategy for saying no to an invitation I didn’t want to accept. This may sound a bit harsh, but it was offered with a great deal of sensitivity and intended to protect me without hurting anyone’s feelings. It is a fact of life that even the most battle-hardened veteran can only play so much at a party, so you can’t accept every invitation. At the time, though, I didn’t know that. As my correspondent is both well known and very attractive, my first instinct was to laugh it off. She might need a strategy, but I wouldn’t!

Then I thought a bit more about the context in which her advice had been offered. We’d been discussing socially unacceptable behavior by male tops at large spanking parties – about the small minority of guys who seem certain that if you’re at a party, they are entitled to spank you. She had suggested that the excitement of being around other people interested in spanking for the first time can be overwhelming, and that it’s easy to get carried away by it. That made me realize I was by no means immune from that same excitement, and it could also cause me to make unwise decisions.

So I decided ahead of time that I would only play with people who had been recommended to me as particularly good for newcomers. That would kill all three birds with one stone: I’d play with extra-safe tops, I wouldn’t be tempted to play too much, and I could say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Once I had a better idea what I was doing, I could be less cautious at the next party.

That strategy worked pretty well. People generally respected my plan, and it was easy to write off the one person who didn’t as an unsuitable play partner. As a mostly-bottom, a top who takes a no gracefully, or who doesn’t press me to play right away is one I’ll notice favorably. And there will be other parties.

Before I arrived, I guess I had imagined that there would be a big room filled with lots of spankings, and I’d get to see whose style seemed like a good fit with my nebulously defined tastes. It wasn’t like that at all, though. People generally socialized in the party room and retreated to their private hotel rooms to play. There was absolutely no pressure to play publicly, and most people didn’t. Of course, each spanking group is different, and the ratio of public to private play varies quite a bit.

I’d arrived late, which made it a bit harder to get a feel for the lay of the land. Most people had already dispersed for play, so not much was happening in the party room. I *was* completely overwhelmed, and the first hour or two were among the most surreal I've ever experienced. After a while, though, one of the women in the group returned to the party room, recognized my name from the Yahoo group, and kindly took me under her wing.

So it soon came to pass that I was sitting at a table with about seven more experienced female bottoms and a couple male tops. One of them offered to do the honors and received the endorsement of the women at the table. He'd written me a nice note a couple months before, so I trusted him, but I was still nervous. The other bottoms reassured me, telling me I didn't have to play until I was ready, Hon, not now, not tonight, not even the whole weekend. Then the woman next to me piped up, telling me that on the other hand, I'd been waiting my whole life for this, so I may as well go ahead. That was just the little push I needed.

So off I went. Perhaps ironically, I found that being over a near-stranger's lap, skirt up and knickers down, as they say, was the *least* strange part of the evening. He took charge, but was very careful, leaving me with a nice pink bottom, but not a bright red one. I was amazed at how little it took to get that wonderful floaty feeling, and I fell asleep in a lovely endorphin haze.

The next day was much more comfortable. In retrospect, I think that was because I *knew* that I belonged. I mean, I didn't exactly think the chances that I wouldn't like being spanked were all that high, but I didn't know for sure. I’d come to value being a part of the larger spanking community, and I didn’t want to let that go.

The other question that had been nagging at me before the party was the relationship between spanking and sex. I had read quite a few descriptions of spanking party encounters, and I knew that sex following spanking was emphatically not the default option. Still, I wondered how spanking could possibly be separated entirely from sex. As another internet friend once commented,

“I've often thought that so much of the [M/F] spanking thing really just mimics the whole sex act. Basically we're designed more for the doggie style position than the missionary position anyway. Hmmm. Let's see. Repetitive motions squarely against one's backside. Assertive vs. receptive energies. For the male, there is the visual with the remnants in their brains of the old red bottom to signal estrus. It’s the bottoms up/face down position for females, just like being OTK.”

I’m still not sure I can explain the difference. All I can say is, there are many kinds of spankings, and some are more erotic than others. At parties, there lots of just for fun spankings, light-hearted if not always lightly administered, punctuated by good-natured teasing and friendly banter. There are also spankings that are kind of like a massage, relaxing and definitely sensual, but not exactly sexual. In other cases, I’ve been more aware of my arousal, but it hasn’t always been directed at the spanker. In that way, it’s kind of like going to a movie with a really sexy star. You may be aroused, but you’re more likely to be thinking about sex with your partner than with the movie star. It doesn’t surprise me at all that married couples in exclusive relationships can play with others, but seek out their own partners after their spanking play has ended.

Sure, this kind of play is less intimate than playing with a lover, and that may be unappealing to a lot of people. Several vanilla friends have asked if my playing around, as it were, is temporary or if I’ll continue to go to parties if I find a partner in the scene. Am I, as a kinky friend puts it, experiencing a second adolescence, trying things out for a while before figuring out what I really like and settling down to it?

It’s hard to know the answer to those questions. It’s certainly true that I’ve jumped in with more abandon than I would have thought possible, and that I’ve played with a lot more people in one year than I would have predicted. I did become less cautious after that first party, too, causing one of my internet friends to wonder, “Whatever happened to Innocent Indy?” Sure, I’ve made a few mistakes in that time – none too disastrous, fortunately. I’ve also tried things that I’m glad I’ve done once and don’t care to repeat, and I’ve found myself enjoying things that surprised me.

I suspect that I’m beginning to find a niche within the scene and will stay closer to that niche as time goes on. On the other hand, I definitely can’t see giving up the wonderful social connections that the party scene has to offer. It’s a remarkable experience, sitting around a table with people you’d enjoy seeing in a vanilla context, but with whom you can also talk about spanking. Just by being in the same room, I’ve shared something about myself that I’d kept secret for decades. The relief of doing so and knowing that the other person understands is liberating, and it makes for building close friendships surprisingly rapidly. There’s just no way I can put into words how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know people who have such varied backgrounds, careers, and outlooks on life, but who are united by this fairly unusual shared interest.

What would I recommend to those who are considering the party route? First, I’d encourage you to get involved in the spanking blogosphere. I was ridiculously nervous about each baby step I took: my first comment here on MBS, each first e-mail to a blogger whose writing I enjoyed, de-lurking on SSS, and especially guest-posting here. Each time I took a risk, the spanking community paid me back many times over. I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t written me back – that day, the next week, or even an amusingly apologetic note a month or so later. The kindness and warmth that I had found on-line made it so much easier to take that step toward RL play.

Second, especially if you are a bottom who hasn’t played before, I can’t overemphasize the importance of finding safe tops who are used to playing with newcomers. Just as not every talented athlete is a good coach, not every skilled spanker is a good teacher. It makes things a lot easier to put yourself in the hands of a good teacher. I’m not exactly a pushover, but I found the experience of playing for the first time completely overwhelming. I’m glad I didn’t have to take responsibility for deciding when to stop, or worse yet, extract myself from an unsafe situation.

This is probably good advice for tops, too. Plenty of bottoms are happy to show you the ropes. Sure, it’s not exactly domly behavior to ask for help, but you can be masterful after you know how to give a warm-up and aim an implement. Whatever you do, don’t pretend a level of experience that you don’t have. You may not end up in as dangerous a situation as a bottom might, but if you get a reputation for not caring enough about the safety of your partner, it’s awfully hard to shake it off. Most party organizers are happy to pair newcomers up with good teachers of either orientation, especially if you ask them ahead of time, before the craziness of running the show takes over.

If you do decide to leap into the spanking in this way, I hope your experiences are as overwhelmingly positive as mine have been. I may not know whether I’ll continue making trips to various other parts of the country to attend parties, or if I’ll settle into a more local pattern of friends and play. I do know, however, that I’m having a lot of fun with wonderful new friends, and I plan to continue doing just that!

Thank you, Indy, for sharing your experiences and advice. I know many MBS readers will benefit from your wisdom. May all your parties be worthy of celebration!

The Spanko Files: Terpsichore (Update)

Since we last heard from our friend Terpsichore, there have been more developments.

Since my first real spanking, we have had another encounter and we shared the best lovemaking of our lives. I asked if we could use toys. Right now, our collection consists of his hairbrush, a pink spatula, and his soft leather belt (I have been wishing for that belt for ages).

At first, he seemed tired and I was afraid he was going to fall asleep before we even got started (it has happened before). But then, all of a sudden, he flipped me over onto my back, held my arms pressed at the side of my head and started to kiss my neck I love having my neck kissed and I love when he is in control, or better yet, when I am out of control. He then explored my body for a while before flipping me onto my stomach.

He started spanking me with his hand and then moved on to the toys. I never wanted it to stop. It was very light, but so enjoyable. At one point, I started to say thank you and roll over, but he stopped me and said he was not finished with me yet. This was music to my ears. I could hear him lift up the belt. Using the belt, he tapped really lightly all over my bottom, back, and upper thighs. It felt great.

I think it will be a long while before he is comfortable using the implements with any force. However, he seems to have no problem applying his hand and sometimes, it is almost too hard. :-) But in a way, I like that we are easing into it as I do not yet know how much force I could or would want to handle... And I certainly was enjoying myself. He touched me all the while he spanked in ways that made me melt and quiver. It was such a nice time. I’m hoping for another night like this one. It was definitely the best lovemaking of my life... tied with a day last fall when I told him my secret. That was also a memorable night. :-) And so my dream has at last come true. But this dream is just beginning.

May your romance blossom as your adventures continue.

The Spanko Files: Terpsichore

We have an update from our friend, Terpsichore. As you shall see, the news is very good.

My First Real Spanking

There were no candles lit, no roses, nor anything romantic. But somehow that didn't matter. I was downstairs on the computer while my husband was upstairs in the living room watching TV. I came upstairs to say hello and greeted him with a kiss. He greeted me back. I greeted him again and then sat next to him. He was watching something on the History Channel. I didn't pay attention to what it was. I was focused on distracting him. He was enjoying the distraction.

Then, all the sudden, he kissed me and pulled me across his lap. He immediately pulled down my pajama bottoms. There was no time for anticipation. It didn't matter whether I knew what came next and I didn't have to beg for it. He smacked my bottom and then rubbed in gentle circles. It was like a massage, only better. There was no intensity or speed. It was more relaxing than erotic. But it didn't matter. I was enjoying it and I decided the second he placed me in that position that I was not going to move until he decided to stop. I wiggled a bit to get comfortable as I am a little long for our couch.

All the sudden, I became aware of the TV which was still humming in the background. I mildly wondered if he was still watching the program or paying attention to me, but decided it did not matter. He could watch TV with me over his lap anytime he wants ...and I told him so. The spanking continued with casual conversation, TV, and giggles. I just relaxed and enjoyed the occasional smack and rub. I hate to admit I was almost bored at times because it was so slow and relaxing, but I was so happy too. My husband started to explore other parts of my body and then after a while he rolled me over and started kissing me and we moved upstairs into the bedroom for more play and lovemaking. He even took the brush I had bought at Christmas time with the pretty flowers on it that up until now has just been used on my hair. He gave me just a few little light taps, but it was great to have a hand holding it other than my own.

I was all smiles... I had my first real spanking! It was not nearly intense enough or fast enough or long enough, or romantic in any way, but my husband initiated, decided when to start and stop. That for me made it real and special. And I am so very grateful as it has given me hope that it will not be the last time. While we have a long way to go, there is a lot to look forward to. :-)

We have since talked and it feels good to be communicating again about my favorite topic of spanking. He expressed his desire to have me guide him through the spankings as to what feels good and what is too much or too hard. It may be a long time before he finds his dominant side. However, since he is asking for me to guide him, perhaps I will find mine by telling him what I want. That’s difficult when I hardly know myself, but I am ready for the challenge of finding out together. Of course, the biggest obstacle is finding time to make love at all. But there will be a time in our lives when that will not be a challenge. I am happy that, in addition to being the parents of two small children we love so much, we are also a couple again. Since my first real spanking, we have had another encounter and we shared the best lovemaking of our life. I’m looking forward to what the future may bring... :-)

Bravo, Terpsichore! Your patience finally paid off.

The Spanko Files: Indiana

It is my profound pleasure to share with you the words of our friend Indiana. As she describes, she was somewhat reluctant to tell this story because her voyage of discovery is not yet complete. But dear Indiana has traveled a great distance and gained many valuable insights along the way. It is both my hope and hers that readers who are new to this topic will benefit from this excellent and thoughtful narrative.

A View from Mid-Journey
by Indiana

Let me begin by admitting freely that I’m a very unlikely guest writer for a spanking blog. I’ve never been spanked as an adult, and I’ve never even been terribly confident or open sexually. It took me over a year of reading spanking blogs to feel at all comfortable even commenting, and I found that step embarrassing enough! Eventually, though, my need for a sounding board against which to explore this topic began to overcome my hesitation. Around that time, I read a post on Natty’s blog in which she and a gay friend joked about having “come out” around the same time. That post really caught my attention, as I’d begun to think of my journey as coming out to myself. So I organized my thoughts a bit and posted my own de-lurk on SSS.

As a way to say thank you, I rather timidly copied the post to Bonnie and to the writers of another favorite site. I was flabbergasted when Bonnie wrote back, suggesting that I write a guest post for MBS. I didn’t feel as though I had much to say, so I initially declined the invitation. As you all know, though, Bonnie has a wonderful way of making everyone feel included, and she got me thinking. I began to wonder if it would have helped me a year and a half ago to hear from someone with some of my hang-ups who had moved a little further down the road. After all, even though Bonnie is a tremendous role model in many ways, I couldn’t exactly imagine someone reading MBS and thinking, “Gosh, if someone that shy about her sexuality could explore spanking, then so could I!”

More importantly, I thought about the time in my early twenties that I’d first read about sexual fantasies and their relationship to reality. How I’d felt tremendous relief to “learn” that just because essentially all of my fantasies involved being spanked didn’t mean that I would really like it. Secure in that conviction, I didn’t think much about the issue, at least not consciously, for another two decades. What if the internet had been available then? Would I have stopped hiding from myself and realized my sexuality more fully in the intervening two decades? I can’t honestly say. But I wish I’d known then that spanking play wasn’t relegated to leather bars, but was quietly (figuratively, anyway) practiced by grandmothers, schoolteachers, graduate students, and kind, gentle fathers. I guess that’s another way that spanking enthusiasts are a bit like gays and lesbians. If we were all “out,” the fringe stereotypes would be a lot harder to take seriously.

Another way in which “coming out” as a spanko is like coming out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual is the difficulty a lot of us find in accepting our own sexuality. I’ve watched close friends come out as gay or lesbian, and it seems that for all but a fortunate few, dealing with their own homophobia is an important first step. I’ve felt the same thing, with the added complication that I had no idea there was such a thing as a spanko community until about 18 months ago. I’ve always believed strongly that what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business. But that doesn’t mean that it was easy for me to accept having desires outside of the mainstream. That has been a slow, semi-conscious process.

As seems to have been true for most of us, I thought I was the only one until I searched “spanking” on Google. At first, I just read the stories at a couple of large, well-known free sites. After all, that kept me busy for a while. It was as though I had been subsisting on only the odd spanking startle in mainstream books and other media, doled out irregularly and used for fantasy purposes long past the metaphorical freshness date on the label. Now, there was such a wealth of material! Some stories I liked, others bothered me, and quite a few fit both categories. After all, the spanking community is just that – a community, even a sub-culture, with its own terms and conventions. It takes a little while to understand how words are being used, especially as it there is so much variety in the community. It also took me a while to get a feel for the boundaries of fantasy and real life. Blogs like MBS helped a lot with that, because they showed me some of the people behind the stories and fantasies and helped me to see the range of ways in which adults engage in consensual spanking activities.

When I started reading newsgroups, I realized there was a lot of in-fighting within the community about which kinds of kinks were OK and which weren’t. I found this annoying and even troubling, but I couldn’t stop myself from making some of the same judgments at first. You know, “well, that’s okay, but doing this is just nuts!” That has a lot to do with not accepting oneself fully. After all, I don’t like horror movies, and I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t love Jane Austen. But I don’t think the people who disagree with me about these things are crazy. It’s much harder to be objective about a spanking kink, the exact manifestations of which probably have a lot to do with childhood experience in ways we’ll never fully understand even for ourselves, much less for others. That’s one thing I really like about MBS—everyone is accepting rather than just tolerant, and even rare disagreements are polite.

For me, the hardest issue to deal with has been the very idea of submission and dominance, especially in a male-dominant, female-submissive relationship. Just the words carry a lot of baggage. Moreover, the large number of people on the internet who believe that women need the loving, firm guidance of a superior male suggests that this is not an empty concern. I realize this is an issue that tries the patience of many readers of this blog, so let me be clear. In no way do I mean to imply that female submissives and male dominants are the vanguard of the Patriarchy, villainously striving to set women back millennia. That’s patently absurd.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not a huge hurdle for some of us to overcome. I work in a very male-dominated field, which no doubt makes me particularly sensitive to gender issues. So the hierarchical tags bothered me a lot. Over time, I have come to see the words as technical terms. I think Eve Howard made it clearest for me by defining a submissive as someone who prefers to be spanked and a dominant as someone who prefers to do the spanking. OK, I can live with being a submissive by that definition. And of course, I came to realize that the woman-in-charge who is quite happy, even relieved, to be submissive in the bedroom is a bit of a stereotype in spanking circles. I can see the attraction of that, too.

Still, I found that I had an easier time with F/F stories in the beginning. Once I got more comfortable with my interest in spanking, though, I found the M/F dynamic less threatening. And, well, I kind of liked the sex better in those accounts.  What really helped, though, was reading blogs like MBS, where I could get to “know” strong, smart, funny, and warm women who were clearly valued for all these traits by the intelligent and caring men who like to spank them. It was also hard to remain suspicious of male tops when they’re represented here by someone as obviously wonderful as Paul. Finally, it reassured me to know that people who have been playing for years still struggle with these issues occasionally.

Another similarity between the gay/lesbian and spanko journeys is that many of us are aware of our non-mainstream sexual interests long before we understand what they mean. In retrospect, it’s clear that I’ve had a sexual interest in spanking essentially all my life. Spanking fantasies are among my earliest memories, and I’ve recognized myself time and again as I read about the childhood startles and fantasies of others. Even simple things like looking up spanking-related words in the dictionary or attaching such mystical significance to the very word “spanking” that I could barely pronounce it aloud seem like near-universal spanko childhood experiences. As all that occurred long before I knew what an orgasm was, well, it’s no wonder many of us have found our journeys to be confusing!

There’s also the stereotype of lesbian women coming out relatively late in life, around the age of 40. I’ve watched it happen with friends, and I even found it a little amusing that it took so long. It seems to happen with spanking, too, and I think it’s a trend with similar underlying themes. Does it happen because women are supposed to reach their sexual peak at that time? Does it happen because kids leave home, careers get established, and women have a chance to focus on themselves a little? Does it happen because even those of us who are not terribly conventional finally figure out the extent to which we’ve been influenced by what society tells us we should do? It’s probably a combination of those reasons, at least for me. Whatever the causes, I think there’s a similar relief in understanding why leading a vanilla/straight (tick all appropriate boxes) life wasn’t working. All I can say to my late-to-come-out lesbian friends is that I’m laughing with you now. I just haven’t told you that.

I have confided in one vanilla friend, though. I had written in my SSS de-lurk that I couldn’t imagine talking to my best friends about spanking, but that was an oversimplification. I could imagine talking to one friend in particular. In fact, I had been rehearsing the conversation in my mind for weeks. I just didn’t think that I’d really do it, but a few glasses of wine and a long plane ride together were enough to overcome my inhibitions. It was wonderful. I knew she would be accepting and would try to understand, but I hadn’t anticipated that she would be so incredibly encouraging. She told me this was a part of my life that I should definitely explore. And, she added, I should provide her with the details! Well, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go that far, but who knows? I never thought I’d write anything like this, either.

As the title of this post indicates, I’m still in the middle of my journey, so I can’t give you a storybook ending yet. I can tell you, though, that even coming this far has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. For starters, my daydreams and fantasies sure are a lot more interesting! Going a bit more public has been tremendously liberating, too. Now that the big secret is out, it makes me feel that I can be more open with myself and others about a range of personal issues. Participating more fully on spanking sites also enhances the sense of community with fellow spankos, which is a wonderful and affirming experience.

Of course, I still wonder where all this will lead.

I don’t know the answer to that question. But I certainly intend to find out!

Finally, I want to thank all of you who have participated on MBS or whose blogs I’ve read elsewhere for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I suspect you have no idea how many of us out there you’ve helped along the way.

With gratitude and best wishes,

Indiana

The Spanko Files: Jessica

One of the true joys of operating this blog is the opportunity to meet and talk with interesting, energetic, creative people. Some are long time spanking enthusiasts like me. Others are just beginning their journey of discovery. Some seek advice, but many are just looking for reassurance that these feelings they've had for years aren't weird or unusual. I am delighted to provide that reassurance, but sometimes it can be more effective when delivered by someone who has recently walked the same path.

Today, it's my profound pleasure to introduce my friend Jessica and present her story.

Sharing the Secret
           by Jessica

It has only been a few weeks since lurking on spanking blogs and couple of glasses of wine convinced me to tell my husband, Dan, my deepest darkest secret. I wanted to be spanked! Over the years, I had come across stories in vanilla erotic magazines with a bit of spanking in them. Each time I would feel my stomach flutter and clench and my panties would become wet, despite my best efforts to ignore the source of stimulation. Ever since I was a kid, I did my best to bury my “abnormal” impulses. Why did I let the cat out of the bag now?

I have been married to the same man for 20 years and he is generally not reluctant to try anything, as long as it includes sex. So why did it take me 20 years? After discovering the blog, My Bottom Smarts, I spent a week thinking about why I hadn’t told Dan about my needs. Maybe there is something about turning 40 that tends to change the ratio of fear to desire.

I knew that Dan would not leave me when I told him that I wanted to be spanked, but how can I leave myself so open and vulnerable to anyone? I have always been a leader in my job and in my life. I wanted to be relieved of the burden of leadership, or even fairly passive guidance, in my sex life. I believed that if Dan could help me to fulfill my need to submit to him with erotic spankings, my sex life would be all the more satisfying. Although my need was great, I was afraid that I would lose Dan’s respect. Even more concerning was the possibility that I would not like the reality of spanking or that I would somehow be disappointed in Dan’s efforts to fulfill my fantasy to be spanked.

So what’s a girl to do? I set up a rare night out without the kids. I wore a skirt and boots with thigh high black stockings. I usually wear slacks or jeans, but if I had the guts to tell him tonight, I thought easy access would make this adventure all the more fun. *grin* Off to the restaurant we went. Smiling easily, we got our table and began to talk about the usual day-to-day family stuff. One glass of wine and a mixed drink later, I started to feel a little less inhibited and a little more aroused. “What if we get a hotel room and have some wild sex for a few hours,” I suggested. I suddenly had Dan’s full and rapt attention. I could almost hear Dan’s cock jumping to life. As our old friends from Saturday Night Live, Wayne and Garth, would say, “Schwing!”

“While we’re on the subject of wild sex,” I continued, “I have wanted to try something for a long time, but I was afraid to mention it.” I read no trepidation from Dan. He sensed an imminent wild night of fun, “What is it?” he asked enthusiastically. I chickened out momentarily. “Never mind, it’s nothing.” Dan, not willing to let this go, inquired “Really, what is it?” “Umm…” I stalled, “Well, Hmm… What would you think if… I was thinking we should try… Oh, I don’t know.”

Dan, the master of silence, waited patiently. He stared at me intently. Oh crap, I thought, how can I back down now? I took a deep breath an said “Okay… I want to be spanked.” I exhaled. It was done. I did it. There could be no turning back now. Dan didn’t skip a beat. He cocked his head slightly with a small intrigued smile and spoke in a light but gentle tone, “Really? Okay.” There was no hesitation. I didn’t think he would. Dan started wrapping up dinner casually but quickly and said, “Let’s go.”

- - - - - -
We checked in to a local hotel with no baggage, only a bottle of wine and a fluttery stomach. We were ready to go. Dan settled himself sitting on the edge of the bed as I stood beside him. Dan looked at me with the half smile he had maintained ever since I had told him about my fantasy to be spanked. I suddenly couldn’t find a place for my hands. I folded my hands across my chest and looked at Dan shyly. My stomach continued to do flips and I was suddenly aware of my heart pounding against my ribs. I was shaking slightly and wondering what came next.

Dan didn’t make me wait long. He cocked his head, smiled, patted his lap and sweetly said, “Come ‘ere.” I stepped over to Dan and began to lower myself over his lap. I felt Dan’s hand on my back gently guiding me into position. Dan raised my skirt slowly and admired the view. He pulled my panties down and slowly rubbed over the curve of my bottom to the tops of my stockings. My body shivered slightly in anticipation.

“I like,” Dan said in a husky voice. He continued to stroke my bottom gently building the anticipation in both of us. Suddenly he smacked my bottom. Whack! I was surprised by how loud it was. I fleetingly hoped that the hotel walls were thick and then, whack, whack, whack. Dan’s tentative spanks started to gain a little more velocity. “Yesss,” I thought. This is what I needed. I arched my back and presented my behind for more attention. “Yesss, stick that butt up,” Dan muttered.

Smack, smack, whack, smack. “How’s that baby?” Dan asked. “Umm, good,” I answered breathlessly. I mean, how do you answer that question? I was starting to feel the sting of the smacks, which is pain, right? So I was basically saying that pain is good. Hmm, no wonder I was confused all of those years! I couldn’t think about that, I just wanted more!

Dan paused to admire his work. I felt his fingers work their way into my center. They found me wet and ready. He helped me onto the bed face down and quickly undressed. A few more smacks to the bottom for good measure and he entered me from behind. As his hips surged forward to claim his prize, he alternated spanking my stinging behind and massaging my previously ignored rear orifice. The combination of sensations was bringing me quickly to the edge. I moaned and bucked and began to feel my sanity slide away. As Dan continued to smack, thrust, and finger, my entire body contracted starting in my center and blasting its way to every peripheral nerve while circles of light exploded behind my eyes. I am not particularly quiet during an orgasm and my screams of passion prompted to Dan his own crescendo. As my body continued to rock and vibrate in ecstasy, Dan picked up the intensity of his thrusts, ramming deeply as his own release sent shudders through his body. My knees collapsed and Dan fell on top of me; we were both spent and very satisfied. Dan rolled to lie next to me and looked at me with a smile. “You look… content,” he said. And that is certainly how I felt.

For the next couple of days, all I could think was, “This is a really fun new game!” I received an e-mail from Dan that said “I want you to send me two spanking stories and we need to make a lunch date for this week.” I smiled to myself as my bottom tingled. Ooooo, let the games begin!

Thank you, Jessica, for sharing your secret with Dan, and with us! It sounds as though you two lovebirds have many happy adventures ahead of you (or would that be behind?). Either way, it sounds like delicious fun.

Keywords: spanking, guest post, erotic spanking, spanking story, spanking and sex

The Spanko Files: Hermione

A number of our MBS readers are skilled writers as well. It's my privilege to allow their voices to be heard.

One Tender Moment
by Hermione

This story is about a spanking, but more than that, it’s about one special moment during the spanking.

It was our date night, and my anticipation had been building all day. We watched TV for a while (at least, I pretended to watch). Finally, my husband said, "It's time." We went up to the bedroom, undressed, and then got into bed. We kissed and cuddled, with special attention being paid to my bottom. Ron turned me over onto my tummy, and I held my breath and watched as he chose the implement for the evening. Oh good, I thought, as he reached for the dogging bat – a long paddle made of two layers of leather that slap together – that hung from the bedpost. It’s my favourite. It has a nice thuddy feel, makes a loud crack, but doesn’t hurt too much.

I gripped the iron rails of the headboard and gave myself over to the sensations as the stiff leather made contact with one cheek and then the other. Each swat was harder and louder than the one before, and it felt good, like a deep massage. Then the swats stopped. Ron rubbed my reddened globes for a while. When he picked up the bat and began again, the strokes were faster and lighter, but stingy. He aimed for the sweet spot just above my thighs.

Then one well placed stroke landed at the base of my left cheek, just above the top of my inner thigh and very close to the cleft. The sensation it produced was completely unexpected. It felt like an electric current, and traveled straight to the place inside me where I feel an orgasm. I gasped, not in pain, but in delight! Now I understood how someone could climax during a spanking, and I definitely wanted more. I wiggled and tried to maneuver my bottom so that the paddle would land in that very sweet spot again, but the rest of the spanks were of the regular, non-electric variety.

The spanking ended and was followed by gentle fingers that brought me quickly to ecstasy. Ron entered me from behind, pressing his cool body against my hot bottom, and had his own happy ending. We held each other close for a while, and I thanked Ron, as I always do. He laughed, embarrassed, the way he always does. Then we dressed, and he went off to watch football while I busied myself with some household tasks that could be done standing up.

I could still feel the sting of that single stroke on my tender flesh the next day, and savoured the memory of the delicious moment. It was something I had never expected to feel, and a promising sign of even better moments to come. Do you think a discrete 'X' drawn with indelible ink would be considered topping from the bottom?

Thank you, Hermione, for sharing that magical moment!

Keywords: spanking, dogging bat, guest post, erotic spanking, spanking story, spanking and sex

Guest Perspective: Hermione

In honor of Labor Day, I’m taking a day off! However, rather than leaving you without a holiday slice of spanko goodness, I’ve invited our friend Hermione to prepare a guest post.

If you don’t know Hermione, she is a longtime MBS reader and frequent brunch participant. As you shall see, she has some very interesting thoughts about spankings and their place in a loving relationship.

Like many of you, I have been sexually aroused by spanking since early childhood. My earliest recollection is of masturbating while looking at a comic strip from the Sunday paper. It was probably Dagwood Bumstead (Isn't that a perfect surname?). He was often drawn OTK in those days. I don't know why he was being spanked because I hadn't learned to read yet, but the pictures were exciting enough.

One other thing I want to share is that I have spent my whole life as an observer. While I am actively involved in something - playing the piano, teaching, sitting in a meeting, making love, getting spanked - there is a part of me standing just behind and a little to the left, watching and taking in the details in an objective, detached manner.

My husband and I have enjoyed erotic spanking as a prelude to lovemaking for a number of years. Yes, I know the exact date of my first spanking, but that's another story. Then we adopted a rescue dog who could not accept that spankings happened. Quiet sex was OK though, so spankings were dropped from our foreplay. The stresses of life also intervened, and family illnesses and death pretty much curtailed our desire for bedroom activity. I remember picking up a much-read spanking novel and noticing that I did not feel the familiar throbbing down below. Had I fallen out of love with spanking?

My husband Ron finally decided that we needed to get our sex life back on track, and he came up with a great idea. As a result of the death in his family, we had to sort through and dispose of the contents of an apartment by the end of the month. We could combine this with a bit of spanking and love-making over the next three weekends. Was I interested? You bet!

On Friday, Ron called me at work to tell me he had checked out the kitchen for a suitable spanking implement. I sure couldn't concentrate for the rest of that day. On Saturday, he decided that we would go over on Sunday afternoon. That meant that I had all of Saturday to anticipate the inevitable. Fear churned with excitement inside me. I dreaded the upcoming pain, and yet I craved it as well.

On Sunday afternoon, we drove to the apartment and let ourselves in.

"What's first? Sex or sorting?" I asked.

"Sorting."

So for next hour we made decisions on what to keep, toss, sell, or give to relatives. When I spoke, my voice sounded somewhat strangled. I could scarcely breathe because of the anticipation of what was to come.

Finally, Ron said, "It's time." I followed him to the kitchen where he selected a large wooden spoon from a crockery jar. He smacked it against his palm, then replaced it and chose a triangular spatula.

"Hmm, what about this one? No, I think the spoon will be better." He picked up the spoon again. "Let's go." I followed him to the bedroom.

"What if someone hears us?" I tried to stall.

"No one will be in the bedroom next door at this time of day, and I'll close the door. We won't be heard from the outside hall if you'll try not to make as much noise as you usually do."

We both undressed and I lay face down along the length of the bed, on the bare mattress. I felt the bed sag as Ron sat down beside me. I took a deep breath and waited for the first smack. I didn't have long to wait.

The spanking didn't last long, but it hurt a lot. I hadn't been spanked for over two years, and never with a wooden spoon. I became totally immersed in enduring the painful but thrilling sensations and in struggling not to cry out. In fact, I only realized after it was all over that for the first time ever, I hadn't felt like an observer. I had actually been totally in the moment. I was so overwhelmed with the sensations that during the lovemaking that followed, I had trouble reaching a climax. However, never fear, I eventually succeeded.

Wrapped in each others arms, I sighed, "I didn't realize how much I missed spankings. We can't stop them again."

Ron agreed. "Next month, we'll try it again at home."

"But what if the dog still objects?"

"We'll go to a motel," he replied.

The next weekend, we were back at the apartment for more work then the reward. The spanking was longer and harder, and I luxuriated in the sensations of sharp smacks, the sound of wood hitting skin, and the gentle hand caressing of my bottom between strokes.

Ron stopped spanking and parted my bottom cheeks. We had not brought any K-Y jelly, but saliva is an excellent lubricant. He then gently pushed himself into me. To be honest, I have never enjoyed anal sex. Uncomfortable and unpleasant at the best of times, it was sometimes painful. This time, though, it was none of the above. It was glorious! Somewhere inside my head, the mental barricades had come down, allowing me to let go and enjoy pleasures that had been impossible before. It was a very erotically fulfilling experience.

On our final weekend, I again fully embraced the total experience of anticipation, pain, and pleasure. I lifted my bottom upwards to meet the descending spoon and welcomed its bite as much as I welcomed the soft caresses on my hot bottom. When Ron had decided I had had enough, he turned me over, parted my thighs and brought me to orgasm with his tongue. Then he knelt over my head so that I could take him in my mouth and gladly return the favour.

My emotions were running high. It was all so different, so overwhelming, and yet so right. I put my arms around my husband and told him how wonderful it all had been, and then blurted "You're my master."

I realized that what I wanted, needed, and craved was submission. What I didn't know was how totally liberating it would be. I think there had always been a power struggle between us. Each of us sought to be dominant. The result was that Ron often criticized me, showed me 'better' ways to do things, and ignored my opinions. That has all changed.

Now that I have stepped back and allowed my husband to take charge, he frequently asks my opinion, defers to my wishes, and treats me with respect. We smile at each other and make eye contact much more often, and our hello and goodbye hugs and kisses are more lingering. When Ron tells me to do something in a stern voice, I say "Yes, Sir." Then I see the twinkle in his eye and a hint of a smile, and feel a tingle down below.

We resolved the dog issue, and still have a regular Sunday date. I adore the buildup of anticipation throughout the week, mingled with a little fear. I have bought a few new spanking toys. Ron enjoys deciding which one he'll use, but he never tells me beforehand. I always give him feedback afterward, and it’s usually positive.

I have never been happier. Isn't it amazing what a good spanking can do?

Amazing indeed! Thank you Hermione for sharing your experiences and insights.

Keywords: spanking, guest post, wooden spoon spanking, spanking story, spanking and sex, erotic spanking