Sunday, January 13, 2008

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 13

Is it possible that we are all a bit of a switch? Do tops secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, wish to bottom? Do we bottoms feel the urge the hold the whip? That was the question posed by Dave from Cherry Red Report. The responses, as you can see below, are as varied as the participants.

Anon VII: As a researcher, I'm in part a professional skeptic. Ergo, I usually shy away from words like "all," "none," "always," "never," and "every." I’m sorry if I rained on anyone's parade, but that's my honest answer.

Struggle4Control: As far as my wife and me, I am definitely all top, but she does harbor fantasies of being in a dom situation over another woman.

Jessica: I'm sort of new to this, so things may change. I'll have to say I have thought about the idea of me spanking someone and it really makes me feel sick and not in a good way. It feels like I would be abusing someone to spank or hit them. On the other hand, I find being spanked thrilling and arousing. Go figure!

I also enjoy seeing lovely (willing) female bottoms spanked, I just don't want to be the one doing it. I don't enjoy seeing males spanked for some reason.

Lori: As a sub, I can attest that I am all sub. I have no desire to ever spank someone else. I asked hubby and he says he's all dom. He has no desire to be spanked and, may I add, he has no desire to spank anyone but me even though he's thought about how a couple of my friends could use a good spanking.

Reesa Roberts: Of course not EVERY top or sub has a bit of the other in them. We can only speak for ourselves, or those we know about, so that's what I'll do.

My man definitely has NO subbie in him at all. He has no interest in being spanked or even being told what to do.

But I have a lot of domme in me that D has to spank out of me. LOL I can see me spanking a guy, especially if he deserved it. But it wouldn't be D! And I wouldn't want to spank a girl.

Also, when I see anyone of either orientation doing bad things, I always think, "They sure could use a spanking!"

Reesa, it's a genuine pleasure to see you! We definitely missed your experience and insight.

Dave: Thank you Bonnie, I am flattered you included my question in this excellent feature.

I’m looking forward to reading all the comments. Thanks again!

Thank you, Dave, for supplying us with a unique topic!

Paul: I have never felt the desire to be spanked. I had that beaten out of me as a child.
Mel thought that there was very little sub in me. Mel was all sub as far as I was concerned, but in her professional role there was a lot of Dom. Talking as a man whose wife was a psychologist, I have to say that most human beings have the potential to bring forth almost every facet of humanity.

Cometospk: I think if you’re spanker, you should know how the spankee feels to give her plenty of pleasure. You need to know about the intensity, feelings and sensations you’re giving in order to improve the pleasure of the session.

Whether subs has a little bit of top or not, I have different opinion. I think bottoms want a certain spanking and in this way, they know what are looking for. That means understanding how a spanking must be carried out to obtain good results.

Paige Tyler: I can only speak for myself, but as a bottom, I have absolutely no urge whatsoever to spank anyone, male or female. Now, that doesn't mean I don't like to top from the bottom!

Tina: This is an interesting topic to think about! Like most of the others, we have clear roles. I am submissive and he is dominant. But then again, in our everyday context, where we both intend to be equal partners, my dom often seems rather too dominant to me. Sometimes, he even makes me physically aggressive, in a way.

As far as sex is concerned, however, I am glad that he is 100% dominant (and very caring) and only gives room to my wishes when he wants to. Even when I am annoyed by his pushiness in everyday contexts, I never really want to spank or hurt him. On the contrary, I occasionally want him to hurt me more, in order to make me feel more submissive and at ease. However, that is a different topic.

It’s not always easy to keep sexual play and non-sexual contexts apart!

D and S: We think that quite a few male tops are occasionally willing to turn the other cheek, and even relish it. I find it very exciting to hand the reins over to Susan, now and then, and let her give me a sound bottom tanning, which is only fair as I know she enjoys having the whip hand. It also reminds me how the frequent spankings she gets really feel. She's a good tennis player and can swing a mean paddle against my rear! When she is in the mood, she usually gives me a hint. I rarely refuse her, and once I have agreed, my bottom is at her disposal until she thinks I have enough, not when I think so. We also play dice and card games, which earn spankings for the loser. Whatever happens, I am always the top, and Susan the bottom.

Greenwoman: I think we all need to surrender sometimes. I've not met a Dom yet who didn't talking about melting away with that just right massage or blow job and completely lose track of things because their sweet someone took good care of them. That's a moment of surrender. To me, surrender is a quintessential component of being submissive.

There are things we all like to control. We want some things to be just so. It’s the things about which we feel a compulsion. They must be in order or we can't relax. For me, its having my pillow and covers just so or I can't go to sleep. I'll wake the master up to get that, because I gotta have my sleep. *winks*

I'm a switch, so I love to give a good spanking as well as get one. I'm not the right person to remark on the spanking thing, but I can remark that I think that those who get love to get spankings are likely the very best at giving them or teaching someone how to give them. We bottoms know exquisitely exactly how to get to the perfect ass-burning moment.

Danielle: I once started as a spankee, but life taught us that exchanging roles with my husband worked out better in our marriage. He needed me much more as a dominant woman to rule his daily life, than as a submissive one, although he still likes to spank me for fun.

Terpsichore: I do not have any desire to spank anyone nor does my husband have any desire to be spanked. However, as partners in our everyday lives, we certainly each share making decisions and being the one in control as well as accepting and submitting to the other's needs or wishes. So perhaps we may have the potential, though I don't imagine at this time that we would ever choose to act on that potential. :-)

Hermione: At present I am a spankee and very comfortable in that role. I only want to be spanked by my husband, whenever he chooses and for as long as he likes. I would be reluctant to reverse our roles. The only reason I would ever do so would be at his request and that's very unlikely.

In childhood and adolescence I played spanking games, either alone or with a friend, involving a make-believe schoolroom with dolls (and the occasional co-operative younger cousin) as pupils. I took the role of stern governess or schoolmaster and administered spankings for a variety of reasons. It didn't occur to me to want to be spanked myself (spankings hurt!), but neither did the opportunity present itself in those circumstances.

By the time I had a serious relationship with a man and became sexually active, I made the connection between erotic spanking and sexuality, and my preference for being on the receiving end was established. So what would make me revert to that earlier role of top? My immediate response was "Nothing", but then I gave it some more thought.

I could again play the part of a spanker in a fantasy role-play scene that recreated those early play sessions. It would involve appropriate costumes and props as well as other people, and would be fairly well planned in advance. It would not be one on one and would not include any sort of sexual activity or intimate touching or disrobing except for the target area, of course. In other words, pure dramatic improvisation.

Come to think of it, I might also enjoy being a bottom in such a scene.

Barend: That is an interesting question. I have been switching between dominant and submissive feelings for almost all of my life. I can now base my answer on almost 50 years of experience. My take is that there must be something of a dominant in every submissive and vice versa. From the perspective of the dominant, it seems so unreal, unfair even, that he or she could never be in the partners lap, could never be vulnerable, or surrender. Being only dominant means that one is not a whole person. This accounts for the submissive as well. There could be exceptions, but these must be rare. However, there must be a load of dominants who are reluctant to fully open up with their submissive side...

Morningstar: As so many of your commenters have already said, I can only speak for myself, and well, for my Sir. However, He would probably raise an eyebrow or two at the thought of me talking for Him. (cheeky grin)

Sir has never been a sub/bottom. Nor does He harbor any secret fantasies to do so. He is all dominant!

I, on the other hand, always thought I was only submissive, and a big pain slut at that! But I discovered this past fall that I do enjoy domming the right male.

Although the first experience ended, well, rather badly, Sir and I are currently looking for another 'boy' to play with…

I guess I do have tendencies to dome, but Sir has none in the way of subbing.

Skellos: As far as my experiences go, I must say that not once, no not even once, have I ever had the desire to be submissive. It just doesn't seem natural to me. I am perfectly happy and comfortable being a top.

Marius: This is a very interesting question. I am a bottom, but I have tried topping once or twice. My preference is for bottoming, and I don't think I could describe myself as a switch. There are three female tops who I know particularly well. Two of them bottom occasionally. I must admit, I was very surprised when one of them in particular said she bottomed, and the way she was enthused about bottoming. I couldn't help wonder how she presented herself as predominantly a top. I wonder, do we, even subconsciously, switch to help us in our mission to please our play partner?

Elle: I think being switch is a bit like being bisexual. It is common amongst switches to say, "Everyone is a switch really" and it is common amongst bisexuals to say "Everyone is bisexual really". I'm switch (but not bi), and I do find it hard to believe that anyone is completely sub or completely dom. And of course, those who are one or the other tend to view switches as "confused" or "greedy," just as gay/straight people can sometimes view bisexual people.

As a switch myself, I would say I'm around 70% sub. I'm a masochist. I love to be dominated and I get an incredible kick out of the right kind of pain. These feelings can be heightened, though, by a bit of give and take. When I do play dominate, I love the feeling that the man is submitting to me. What excites me is that at any moment he could overpower me. He could stop me, physically, so even when I'm spanking someone or have a man in bondage, I love the feeling that I could end up "forced" to submit. That's what makes it so exciting.

Bonnie: My answer is an unequivocal no. I can’t speak for anyone but Randy and me, but that’s all the evidence I need to answer this question.

I love spankings – the preparation, the ritual, the feelings, the sensations, and the aftermath. My interest lies solely in being the recipient. This is a role that fits me and one with which I am comfortable (ignoring for the moment that whole business of sitting). I sometimes like to watch a spanking video, but I inevitably envision myself in the place of the spankee.

Randy is almost my mirror image. He spanks because he enjoys it and because he sees how beneficial it is for our relationship. The bottom role holds no allure for him. He has me to assume the position. Even on *his* birthday, I’m the one who willingly goes bottom up.

I don’t suggest that our arrangement is optimal or even appropriate for anyone other than us. But we feel no desire to switch.

Thank to Dave for an excellent thought-provoking question. Thanks as well to all of you who participated in this week's brunch. I hope you'll join us next week for more talk about this thing we do.


Reesa Roberts said...

Thank you for the warm welcome, y'all, and there certainly were a LOT of great responses to this!
I particularly like Cometospk's reply, that a spanker ought to know how a spankee feels! Yes, that makes perfect sense to me!


john said...

On a spankingevent My D asked a gentleman: "Have you already been spanked"? He said:" No and that will never happen. I'm a dom.
She apologized. He said, he wasn't offended.
A couple of weeks later, he said he had thought about what had happened that evening. Now he was dreaming about a trip over her knee. D is never reluctant when such an occasion happens...It was supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience but it gave the guy such a thrill he wanted to come as a friend for some discipline. And he did.
Other supposed to be doms have crossed her knee too, they say just for the experience. To get the feeling of being a spankee, not to submit.
Suppose everyone has a submissive side.

MissyH said...

I am by nature a born sub, however I am gradually acquiring the skills
and sensitivity needed by a first rate top because the need for those
is so great. I hope that first poster can overcome her initial
skittishness and learn to see it
that way. To be able to give someone something they've dreamed
about for years and finally found
the courage to pursue is an amazing
gift! I know precisely what they
want because it's what I want, too!
As the Bible says, Do unto others... LOL

This may sound bizarre, but I'm a
frequent blood donor and I'm also
on the bone marrow registry. I view
this in precisely the same way,
prompted by pure altruism and
compassion, saving people by giving
them something they must have to
live right.

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