Sunday, January 06, 2008

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 6

Our brunch topic for the week was resources for the spanking enthusiast. Here are your thoughts.

PBF: I am sure many potential spankos would search the web. For many people, the web is the first port of call for information.

We do have a few books of a fictional nature on spanking, but mostly we look at the blogsphere for our information.

If I were offering advice to a newbie, I think I would tell them to ask Bonnie!

Terpsichore: When I first decided that I wanted to share my life-long fantasy with my husband several months ago, I was so afraid what he would think. I felt as though there was something wrong with me. So I looked on the internet to research and found Bonnie's site. I have found this website and Bonnie to be so encouraging and helpful to me. MBS also linked me to some other great sites. I now know I am not alone, and instead of being fearful and judging of myself for my desires, I am embracing them. I continue to return to this community for support, advice, and to read everyone's comments and stories. I am forever grateful.

Jean Marie: I think that this topic breaks down along the demographic of age. I have gotten a lot of information about spanking from the Internet and blogs such as yours. But being a female in her thirties, my first source as a lustful girl was paperback books, the smuttier the better. These books subliminally told me that somewhere out there were others who held a prurient interest in seeing a poor girl bared and soundly disciplined. That set me on the path of looking for Mr. Right, who would do it to me, and not settling for anyone who didn't share this fetish.

I must admit that the question initially made me smile, however. I mean, spanking is not rocket science. Or maybe it's similar, because experimentation yields wonderful results... You simply apply hand to tush. I will admit that the first time I expressed an interest in having my bottom caned, I proceeded with a little more caution. The guy in question (who owned his own cane, so I knew that there was something there to be pursued) was asked to demonstrate his technique for me on a pillow first. He did, but went one better by producing Polaroid pictures of lots of ladies’ naked and marked bums that he'd striped. I was impressed, and envious enough to want to join his sorority. I took a much harder thrashing than I first expected, just to have something to show off in front of his camera afterward.

Wilhelmina: I used to come here under another name, so though the name is new, I have been a regular reader and sometime poster here for a while.

The web was the first place I looked too. Given that erotic spanking is our thing, the discipline side scared me when I first started reading. Reading many different blogs helped with this and though we still don't include discipline, I can see how it would work for others.

The tutorials on this site helped a great deal more for my lover than me, as it was me who asked him to spank me.

These days, sites are used more as a way of getting ideas. *wink*

Welcome back, Wilhelmina, and best wishes with your new blog.

Carye: Where would I direct them? To your site, of course! You have some great information and fantastic stories, and so many commenters and readers, your site and several others would be where I would start them!

Ramius: You have an interesting blog.

Welcome, Ramius, and thank you!

Abby: I'll jump on the bandwagon and say this is an excellent place to begin exploring the spanking blogosphere. It's one of the first spanking blogs I discovered, and the rest is history. :-)

A few non-blog recommendations, though:

When I was 18 and a freshman in college with private access to the Internet for the first time, I dove right into searching for spanking sites. I literally lived on Laura's Spanking Corner. It's a collection of stories that span everything from real life childhood recollections to schoolgirl stories to more sexy and/or mature scenarios. It's still there, and still very much recommended.

If one is looking for more visual exploration (of the non-blog variety), I'd recommend Northern Spanking. Yes, it's a pay site, but everyone involved is clearly having so much fun, even when the spankings are more severe, and it's the only place I've ever seen a caning that resulted in giggles. There's some stronger stuff, too, but never squicky. Many of the girls (such as Niki, Adele, and Amy, to name a few) have their own fantastic blogs as well.

Indiana: My take is that for general information, self-acceptance, learning from a wide spectrum of the spanking community and introducing spanking if you have a partner, MBS is the place to go.

For those of us who do not have partners, I also recommend the Shadow Lane web site, especially the classic Stand Corrected, Jr. issues and Eve Howard's columns. These contain advice about dating and party etiquette and safety. The reader surveys also contain interesting information. For example, I was a little surprised (relieved) to learn that most women are not comfortable being marked, as much of what one reads (or especially watches) on the internet might give a different impression. Similarly, they report that half the male readership switch, while most of the female readership prefer a partner who doesn't. Of course, it's not possible to say how representative these surveys are. But most of the information available on the internet is by nature anecdotal, so it's nice to have a broader perspective.

Lori: If someone asked me, I would send them to the same place I started. Right here! Your real life stories, tutorials and brunches were every bit of information that I needed. If someone was looking for more of a DD site, I think I would send them to Cassie's blog to read real life accounts. I'm sure there are plenty of others. That's just one that I frequent.

Mary: I started by searching the internet with words like spanked, discipline, strap, etc. Eventually, I got lucky and found Creative Spanko Wench (Patty's site had a different name originally). I loved her stories. I eventually found Bonnie, and I would definitely point people here now. I also like Journey to the Darkside (Padme is fun). Now, when I have the time to explore further, I link from MBS mostly. I find great links from your blog and it saves time weeding through the endless Google lists.

David: If someone I knew wanted to really find out about a spanking lifestyle, I would send them here or to New Beginnings.

Mthc: There are several I would recommend Here, of course, New Beginnings, Cassie's, and Discipline and Desire.

Paul: Bonnie, I agree with most of your commenters. I actually started with CSW and from there to here.

If I'd been fifty years younger, MBS would have been my first port of call. When I first met Mel, well, we worked it out.

Hermione: Besides the unlimited information on the internet, and on this blog specifically, here are some resources I have used and/or would consider recommending to someone who is curious and wants to learn more about what we do.

Books - There is a wealth of fiction available. Some is good, some not so good. A great little resource is The Compleat Spanker. It's short but comprehensive and covers all spanking-related topics. Consensual Spanking is another. Many books about sex contain some mention of spanking, but not always in a tolerant or informed way.

Television - There is a Canadian show called Kink that follows several individuals over 13 weeks as they pursue their non-vanilla lifestyle preferences. It’s not only spanking, of course, but it's usually included. There are also shows about sex that often have one episode about BDSM.

Workshops - I know of one adult store that holds evening workshops on just about every sex-related topic, including pain and pleasure. I'm sure there are others that do the same. Workshops are also held in major centres by well-known BDSM practitioners. These aren't exactly advertised in the local paper, but you can learn of them through online groups or notices in adult shops.

Videos - There is a video called Nina Hartley's Guide to Spanking that gives a good basic introduction to spanking for couples. However, it also contains a great deal of very graphic, explicit F/F and M/F sex.

Magazines - I can't comment on them because there's a restriction in Canada on articles about subjects considered 'offensive'. Canadians get different versions of quite a few American publications. I remember reading a story in which 'spanking' was obviously changed to 'kissing' and 'hairbrush' became 'lip balm!'

Adult shops - These establishments are a great source of books, videos, toys and information. The staff are usually knowledgeable and will answer questions in an honest and matter-of-fact manner, if you are brave enough to ask.

Happy Twelfth Night!

Raheretic: I would, of course, suggest here as well as Spanking Blog, and Aunty Agony as points of initial information about adult consensual spanking. In terms of a book for beginners, I would suggest The Compleat Spanker.

Jessica: I have never found any real resources outside of the web. Prior to the internet, there was the occasional stray story with spanking in erotic story magazines. MBS is the best resource site I have found so far. There are also some interesting explanations on Wikipedia for BDSM. Who'd of thunk it?

Soma: I just recently started finding information on spanking last fall and this site was the first one I happened across. I went through a lot of the past posts, especially the tutorials, to learn more. I also found the forum/storyboard on Spanking Classics to be very helpful in finding more information about spanking. I got a lot of information from there that helped me learn about spanking and well, lessen my nerves a bit, since this was all new to me. Both this site and that one helped quite a bit in preparing me and making me feel more comfortable for my first spanking that I recently had.

So I would definitely recommend MBS and the other I mentioned for finding more information, especially for a newbie

Hi, Soma! I'm delighted to have you join us.

Paige Tyler: I've actually recommended your blog to several people, Bonnie! You have such fantastic information for newbies!

I also recommend my own website, especially if they're looking for spanking stories to show their significant other. I know it's a bit of shameless promotion, but what can I say?! LOL!

Prefectdt: I started playing long before there was internet. In those days, it was books for info and you had to have the courage to go and look in bookshops. To get information about what was going on in your country, then it was magazines. There was a specialised magazine that published an article on codes used in personal ads in vanilla publications. This helped me to find my first playmates. God, life was hard then.

Now, with websites and blogs, if you’re prepared to look hard and long enough, there is a lot of information out there. One advantage is that you can read about the same subject from many different viewpoints.

For someone who is new to the lifestyle, I would first try to get in contact with an established group for advice and try to speak to somebody who is like you, but more experienced. For example, a male top should try to get advice from an experienced male top, and so forth.

This may be unpopular, but I really would recommend that a newcomer goes to see an experienced and understanding professional for their first "hands on experience." It is expensive, but you will have, at your first play a lot of experience and confidentiality available to you. This way, you can avoid the problems that two inexperienced players may encounter. It also avoids the issues associated with playing with somebody who is less experienced than they say they are (this does happen, and it has happened to me). Even if you can't find a playgroup with lots of members, see if you can see a professional for a little instruction.

Curtis: The person who made me most comfortable with my spanking interest and echoed how I felt was (and probably still is) Eve Howard especially in her various early analytic but very sensual writings.

Elle: I've always been very aware of spanking in a way. I would play games that involved it as a child. I would joke about it as a teenager. It's always sort of been there in my life. But it was only in the past year or so that I started to really seriously consider my position on spanking and S'n'M in a wider sense.

A friend sent me a link to the Wikipedia entry on adult spanking one night, teasing me that, "It sounds right up your street". I had never thought about searching for spanking online, and thankfully when I did, this lovely, warm, friendly blog appeared. If I'd wandered onto a hardcore site first, I think I would have given up the internet up and gone back to fantasizing in my head. It's really nice to be able to read about spanking as part of a relationship, not just as an abstract concept or random picture. From reading this blog and exploring others off it, I've gained a fuller sense of what exactly my interests are (and aren't). I've been able to articulate this, both to my boyfriend and to my curious friends. If any of them ever asked I would send them here, because not only is it one of the best blogs online, but it also has the most comprehensive list of links to others which makes exploring easier and probably safer.

Bonnie: OK, folks. I was totally not fishing for praise or plugs. But thank you anyway.

This blog, quite naturally, covers those aspects of spanking with which I am most familiar. Specifically, we tend to focus on erotic spanking in the context of a committed M/F relationship. I acknowledge that this is but one of many permutations. That is a major reason why my blogroll is as inclusive as it is. I think every blog and web site listed has a message that will be valuable for some readers.

For example, I don’t have much to say about F/M relationships, but Mike does. Similarly, there isn’t much I can add to a discussion about playing at spanking parties, but Doc Tsai, Emmy or Cigi surely can. I have no first hand experience with GLBT or poly relationships, but other members of our community do. Randy and I don’t practice domestic discipline. Nor do we employ heavy bondage. But our spanko blogging friends have intimate knowledge of all these topics.

The point is that no one can be knowledgeable about all things. The next best thing is knowing smart, generous people who willingly share their knowledge and insights. From this perspective, community is the greatest resource of all.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this week's brunch. There were many excellent resources cited and I hope they prove to be helpful for you.

Have a great week and please join us again next Sunday!

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terpsichore said...

Thank-you everyone for the great resource ideas. And, Bonnie, I know that you had no intention of searching for praise, but the truth is you HAVE helped a lot of people including myself. :-)

Jon said...

God, yes, Laura's corner - I thought all my Christmases had come at once when I first found that site. I still go back occasionally but generally find that it's either one I clicked straight out of (there's a lot of age play and young kid stuff, which I'm not into) or else I've read it. Often many times.

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