In with the New: Super Bowl Edition

I think that winter is a great time to start a new blog. Apparently plenty of others agree. Here, for your reading pleasure, are a dozen new spanking-oriented blogs. I encourage you to visit. If you like what you find, a comment to that effect will be beneficial for the blog, the blogger, and our community. Let's welcome these newcomers and show them our warm hospitality.

Bear n Penfold D's Spanking Blog Dante's Paradiso Devil's Damned Den o' Discipline Echoes of My Mind Loved and Spanked Wife Miss Audrey Spanks Musings of Measha My Thoughts on Spanking and Discipline Secret Spanker St. Switherns Academy Thomas's Picks

To our new compatriots, we welcome you. May your blogging experience be rewarding and fun!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 25

Our topic this week was laughter and spankings. It appears that we have plenty of both.

Iggy: To be honest, I don't think I've ever had a spanking that didn't have some laughter at some point. For me, spanking is mainly about fun and feeling good and laughter goes hand-in-hand with that. For me, it makes the whole spanking experience more positive. I also walk away feeling good about me (even as I rub my bottom).

Prefectdt: If you play with multiple partners in the F/m world, having a bit of a laugh is not only good, but sometimes an essential tool.

A guy can often find himself playing with a woman who is younger/shorter/physically weaker than himself (or a combination of all three), and one who does not know him very well. In such situations, a bit of jokey banter and a giggle reassure the woman that she is not playing with the type of guy who might turn nasty on her.

When playing with a less experienced lady, the odd mis-hit is inevitable. The ability to point out that a mistake has been made, in a friendly, funny type of way, is useful to prevent repeat mistakes, without leaving the female concerned and feeling that she has been "put down" in any way.

Sometimes, it is nice just to have a jokey, friendly type of spanking and bratting is so much fun.

Tina: When I was still only dreaming about playing, it always felt very serious. I didn’t think it could ever be erotic, when there was fun or laughing involved. Now that I have been playing for quite some time, I still need the serious bit. I need this feeling that there is no escape. However, we do laugh a lot. The fun mixes into the hard playing, and does not destroy anything.

Our Bottoms Burn: We spank because it is sexually arousing for us. So yes, often there is laughter sometime during play. Usually it's when Becall decides to get sassy. Her one-liners are classics.

In role play, we have sometimes stopped, had a good laugh and then tried to get back in role. It's all good.

Hermione: At this time of year, when Ron caresses my bare bottom, his hands are always icy cold, and I laugh and tell him to do something to warm them up. He laughs too and pretty soon his hands and my bottom are very warm indeed.

After a spanking, I usually say something appreciative and Ron will laugh and respond with something silly that has us both giggling.

During a spanking, however, I give my mind over to the pain and pleasure of the sensations and try to block out any other thoughts. Laughter from either of us would be an interruption that would break the spell.

Jay: I did once laugh when D was trying to spank me. I don't think it did much for his ego.

The problem is that I tend to laugh or grin when I’m scared, nervous, in pain, or embarrassed. It’s really annoying and the phrase, "so you think this is funny" is so boring.

Anyway, D got angry and swatted me harder. That was bad because he was a rotten shot and he kept hitting my back.

Laughter may be the cure for all ills, but it's no good when mixed with a spanking.

Curtis G: When you're into spanking for play, fun, sensuality and sometimes sexuality (always lurking underneath), you're likely to laugh often. Sometimes it’s because you're teasing or being teased, but often it’s just because the conversation goes that way. I've even had semi-serious political conversations while spanking someone. Sometimes when you or she is getting very aroused, there's banter up to the point of high intensity when you give yourselves to the sexual moment.

Big Bear: Well, I don’t think we laugh during spanking, but we do have a good laugh after the hugs and kisses. But during one interesting encounter, we were lying in bed with me (Big Bear) lying on top of Penfold, both fully clothed with the covers up, just having a lark about. As I lay there on top of her, I was making her laugh with my antics and she later told me that this was the best, biggest and longest laugh that she has ever had. Damn. I love this woman! :D I really hope we can do that again soon as I really truly love seeing her that happy.

Thoughtful Spanker: I love to laugh. Very often, as a matter of fact, laughter is my number two stress reducer (can you guess what rates number one?). So I try to do it often.

Laughter occurs before, during, and after spankings. Sometimes, it's caused by the Little One’s attempt at anguished pleading or a particularly cute wiggle or her description of the feel of a new implement.

Very few things in life should exclude laughter.

Loyal Lurker: Just this morning, my loving man decided to spank me while I was lying on the bed. It was just a couple of swats for fun. He was happily swatting away with one of his favorite toys, but ended up swatting more of the covers than me. I looked over my shoulder laughing and asked, "Exactly what is that?" If you can't laugh and have fun in your life, then is it really worth it?

Red: Yes, we do laugh. It's usually triggered by some questions like:

"Are you laughing at me? Do you think this is a joke? Do I have to spank you harder?"

My answer, of course, is "Yes" and a few good laughs.

Matt: I am a n00b, but laughing has occurred twice for us. Both times were in "play" spankings rather than the punishment kind which are quite business-like. The first I described here.

The second time, though, she was sitting on the bench at the end of our bed and had just pulled my jammies down. She was "scolding" me, but also being very touchy-feely around the boy parts. The aforementioned boy parts were quite excited at the time and became very sensitive. It was all I could do to keep from busting out laughing.

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and neither could she and we both start laughing. My wife is still trying to get into play spankings. She looks at me, laughing, with an exasperated look on her face and says, "Would you stop laughing? I'm working my a-- off here!" Which, of course, resulted in a great deal more laughing.

Daisy: I just posted about a fun spanking where we were both giggling away, so no point explaining it again here. If anyone is interested, they can go read it on my blog!

But, yes, I think humour is important in a relationship. There are certainly some spankings which are enhanced by laughing.

Discipline/punishment spankings are most definitely excluded. Considering the mindset you are in for those, it is not possible, let alone appropriate, to laugh.

However, when he has tried to do the stern disciplinarian act, when he was being "mock-cross," I giggled so much that I was a sitting target, so to speak! I didn’t have the strength to resist him at all, and he got me good!

Davey: I have to agree with Daisy. There are some situations where laughter will only ensure that the spanking gets harder. However, there are many times when it is great fun and a good laugh helps the closeness between partners. Daisy has seen the problem with laughter or sarcasm at the wrong times. LOL

We have also laughed ourselves silly on more than one occasion.

Zille Defeu: I can't think of any specific examples, but my Master and I will laugh as the situation calls for – when one of us does something silly or clumsy during a scene, or one of those moments where you just realize that what you are up to is just utterly ridiculous and you have to stop and laugh at yourselves – before going right back to it! When I'm feeling brave and naughty, I will tickle him, which leads to much laughter and generally to me getting spanked (so, it’s a win-win situation!)

Cowgirl: We laugh during playful spankings all the time! It's more fun that way :)

Sara: That’s a perfect question for today, Bonnie! I answered on my own blog, Finding Sara. Thanks for your brunch, as always!

Dr. Ken: Oh my goodness, yes. It's usually the result of something I said, or something she said. Every now and then, the funny comments flow freely and there is laughter on both sides for a while. Occasionally, a comment from her will directly result in a verbal response and a palm-to-bottom response.

I always say that "spanking should be fun – even when it's serious." So laughter is not uncommon. Nor is it out of place.

Luna: Laughing for me is a response to endorphin overload. I tend to start laughing when the pain turns to good pain.

While playing, and spanking in particular, is quite fun, Master takes a serious tone when we play so I don't think I'd ever see him laugh when spanking me. A grin though, evil or not, is always on his face.

Although, Master does like to startle me and tickle me a bit when we play sometimes. I think he likes to keep me off balance.

Janeen: I remember we were trying out a new flogger once. Will obviously misjudged the length and grazed his lower shoulder while bringing his arm back. He laughed, and when I finally figured out what he'd done, I laughed with him. I don't even remember if it was a serious or play spanking, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

We are so comfortable with each other that basically anything goes around here.

Indy: I love playful banter, so most of my spankings have been accompanied by laughter at some point or another. I also take delight in having been fooled by the spanker in some clever way, large or small, and I'm likely to show my appreciation through laughter.

I have played with a couple people for whom that is a headspace-killer and have enjoyed more serious scenes, too – mostly roleplays.

I've heard some say that joking around is an impediment to closeness. I don't agree. I think that's a matter of personal style. While smart aleck responses can have a touch of defensiveness, a lot of folks, myself included, use shared laughter to build closeness, not to push it away.

Maryann: We used to laugh a lot when we were together and laughter was a normal part of our spanking play. Most of our spankings were happy ones.

A Spanker: The sessions I have enjoyed most have involved a healthy amount of laughter. The women I like to play with seem to love to be brats and I love to tease while I swat away. The way I see it, spanking is supposed to be fun.

Impish1: We laugh every time. All our spankings are play and we laugh and tease through them. He's mock stern or just plain teasing, and, of course, I can't just take it without the tease back. I might like a bit more seriously stern play sometimes, but it's not in his nature and I'm happy for what I get.

We laugh every time. All our spankings are play and we laugh and tease through them. He's mock stern or just plain teasing, and, of course, I can't just take it without the tease back. I might like a bit more seriously stern play sometimes, but it's not in his nature and I'm happy for what I get.

K: While the spanking is in progress, I'm much more likely to purr than laugh, but sometimes we laugh. We laugh much more before or at the start of the spanking. It's part of the fun. :)

Michelle: We regularly laugh and giggle during our sessions.

Take this morning for example. We'd enjoyed a leisurely morning in bed as our kid had stayed over at her grandparents and we're finally getting moving when he caught me leaning over to get something out of one of my dresser drawers and popped my tush several times with a sock (the way guys pop each other with towels).

It stung nicely but it was a **sock**, so we couldn't help but giggle.

I think laughter is an important part of any relationship, even a spanking one. It helps you relate to each other better.

Bonnie: I have documented many occasions where Randy and I have giggled, laughed, and occasionally rolled over some silly business that happened during or proximate to a bottom warming session. The possibilities are endless. The whole faux gruff disciplinarian voice is enough to do it for me. So is any broken implement under any circumstances, but especially if it was broken while being used on me. Then there’s the whole roleplay gone somehow horribly off-course and headed for the weeds routine.

Yes, we laugh all the time and we love it almost as much as the spanking itself.

Thanks to everyone who laughed with us today. I hope you'll join us for next week's Sunday spanko brunch!

MBS Spanko Brunch #158

When I was in college, I had a roommate for a time whose motto was "Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess." Needless to say, she was quite popular with the male members of the student body. But she always had a good time and found humor in almost everything.

I am reminded of dear Jen as I present our topic of the week.

Do you or your partner ever laugh during a spanking session? If so, what prompts it? Do you ever laugh together? Does laughter enhance your spanking experience? If so, in what ways?

To join our discussion, just leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

Ever Forward

Thank you to everyone who weighed in on my last post. It was difficult to compose and I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea to even wade into that quagmire. But it was great that readers were civil and discussed their differences with respect. I really appreciate that.

I harbor no illusions that we resolved the issues. In fact, the debate still seems to be raging elsewhere. But for MBS, I'm ready to change the subject.

After a lot of thinking, worrying, writing, crying, and driving Randy nuts, I reached a point where I could no longer dwell on these questions. I needed to find a path out of this emotional thicket. Here's where those thoughts led me.

- - - - -
We are granted only so many days on this Earth. I resolve to make mine good ones. I want to live a life upon which I can look back and feel satisfied. I want to know that I took every opportunity afforded me to be positive and nurturing. I want the world to be a better place and I want to contribute toward that effort. If I can do a portion of my share through blogging, then blog I shall.

I am not so naive as to believe everything I am told nor everyone who might tell me. But I am not so afraid that I distrust everyone. Life is about managing risks. If we have no risks, we have no life. I've been fooled before and I might be fooled again, but life's journey is worthwhile nonetheless. I'll be a bit more wary to be sure. But I won't hide and I won't shut out the world.

I am still proud to be a spanko blogger and a member of this community. Despite the recent divisiveness, we still have plenty of common ground.

- - - - -
Speaking of which... Is anybody enjoying a good spanking this weekend? :D

What I Know

In recent days, our community has been ablaze with charges of duplicity and betrayal. Speculation is rampant and facts are elusive. I’ve remained silent until now because I wanted to take the time to assemble a coherent response. The last thing I wish is to fan the flames.

And yet, speak I must. Several readers asked me to share my thoughts and provide some sort of clarity. “I don’t know” doesn’t seem like a proper answer.

I don’t possess all of the facts and I recognize this places me on dangerous ground. Consequently, I choose to examine what I do know.

I know that upon learning of these revelations, I was shocked. Later, I felt frustration, sadness, and disappointment. Slowly, though, as the hours and days passed, so have these emotions. I have now reconciled myself to the world as it is. I can live with this.

I know good people can, and sometimes do, make serious mistakes. Such mistakes can cause damage as surely as if it were intended. But in this instance, I am convinced that the resulting harm was not intentional. That observation provides little solace for the victims of miscalculation, but it may offer a path toward reconciliation.

I know the siren’s song of blogging popularity. One taste of this elixir, in the form of glowing comments and e-mails filled with praise, is all it takes to get hooked. I regularly toy with the idea of dropping MBS in favor of other worthy pursuits. But I keep coming back for one more post, one more answered e-mail, and one more comment. I love my readers and I don’t want to let them down. I understand how this relentless pull could cause someone to unwittingly slide down a slippery ethical slope.

I know that the truth matters. Bloggers, whether we accept it or not, are considered role models by hundreds or even thousands of unseen readers. This was perhaps the most surprising revelation of my blogging experience. I thought I was just sharing my thoughts and tales with like-minded folks out here on the internet. When I learned that others sought to emulate Randy and me, I was dumbfounded. We get along well and have a good time, but there’s really nothing extraordinary about us. It was then that I understood the responsibility that comes with being a blogger. People read our words and sometimes act upon them. As a result, I feel the need to provide accurate and unbiased information.

I know I want the hurting to stop. We can’t easily repair this situation. Nor can we ignore it or turn back the clock. Perhaps the storm will blow over in time. Perhaps the naked candor demonstrated of late will promote greater understanding within our community. Come what may, I desire to do what I can to rebuild trust.

I know that I don't wish to abandon my friends. Paul has always been very supportive of me and of this blog. His thoughtful comments were, and are, most appreciated. PK has been a fellow traveler. We’ve laughed, cried, celebrated, and mourned over life’s milestones both big and small.

I know that I cannot in good conscience endorse or condone these misrepresentations. But I also know that I can forgive.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 18

Our topic this week was reactions to an advice column. The question came from a young woman who wanted to remain a virgin, but had an interest in experimenting with spanking. I think our advice was a lot more relevant that that provided by the columnist.

Janeen: Wow, that's really a tough one. It’s tough because if she does find a spanker who agrees to even a fully clothed OTK spanking (the mildest spanking I can think of) with no sexual strings attached, I'm afraid that it may be very tempting for her. I'm assuming her interest in spanking is a sexual turn-on for her though, so I could be way off here.

I would suggest an older, more experienced spanker, possibly someone who would seem like an authority figure to her, and therefore off limits.

I'm afraid, though, that the experience she's really craving will not manifest itself, and her desires will not be met.

If she is saving her virginity for a future special someone, I really think that until she makes that special connection with someone, and is completely secure and comfortable with the relationship, she will find that any other spanking situation does not fulfill her desires.

In a roundabout way, I'm trying to say, if her virginity is as precious to her as I think it is, then this is of equal importance and it should maybe be put off until she finds the intimate, fulfilling relationship of the future.

Of course, if she already has that relationship, but is perhaps waiting until marriage to consummate the relationship, then as I said earlier, the spanking may be way too tempting.

I feel for her, and wish her the best of luck.

Janeen, it's wonderful to see you again. Welcome back!

Daisy: I get what she is saying and I can identify with it. I read the answer and understood what he was saying. But boy, did he do it the long way round! What a load of bulls!

I would say to her, that there is no need to tell every prospective bf that she is a virgin. This excites them and they want to be the one to break her, so to speak. It’s best to keep that to herself. If they are only dating her to get laid, that’s their problem when she says no, as long as she has not been leading them on! She should date carefully, take things slowly, and not even get them into sexy conversations until she has confidence in the strength of the relationship. As for spanking, I would say, curb those desires until she has a steady partner she trusts. She is not averse to petting, it seems, but does not want full sex until she is in a very committed relationship. I am 51 this year, and have always lived that way too. Hence, I have only ever known my husband intimately, and my new fiance, so it’s possible!

The time to tell a man she is a virgin, I would say, is when they are committed to each other, and the subject comes up. He will be chuffed that she waited, and that he is considered the "worthy man."

I think spanking is even more personal and intimate than sex. It is easy for this desire/need to be misunderstood, or for two people's ideas to be way different as to what constitutes a spanking. Much trust is needed between people who wish to incorporate spanking into their lives, and it brings an intimacy that may not have ever been there, even with years of living together! Very good communication is needed, and boy, so many married couples never TALK to each other!

Hermione: The young lady states that when she is physically involved, she also becomes emotionally involved. Spanking produces just as much physical involvement as intercourse, so she shouldn't count on being able to remain detached. Also, losing her virginity to a caring person with whom she has a relationship is a lot different from losing it to a stranger who gets her drunk and then takes advantage. As an aside, finding out whether a companion is interested in spanking prior to making a commitment is as important as ensuring compatibility in other ways.

I would suggest that if she truly wants to experience spanking only, she should consider an older, experienced top, and lay out the ground rules right at the start. As for how to find such a person, attending a spanking party might provide the opportunity.

Kallisto: There have been some good comments already. I also thought a spanking party might be the answer. Barring that, I think she might be wise to wait, as she doesn't seem to realize just how erotic spanking can be.

Jean Marie: As people have said, TALKING it over is crucial. The advice guy at Salon.com missed the mark because she may be able to find a sensitive top with whom she could reach some understanding. Perhaps mutual masturbation after the spanking session would satisfy all parties while keeping her virginity intact. But something more needs to be said. As a school teacher, I mentor a student teacher every semester. It gives me a good indication of the mindset of early twenty-something women. I've been amazed at how many of these women think that giving head and even receiving anal sex does not constitute "sex." So virginity is an open-ended term that needs to be defined.

I'd tell her to take it one small step at a time, and to enjoy the journey.

Andrades Girl: What a fascinating and complex question. I wish the person who wrote the question could come here and read all of the great answers that you have gotten already. A few questions come to my mind. What does it mean for her to remain a virgin? She says she likes kissing and touching, but touching is a very generic answer. Does it mean all other forms of sex, but not intercourse? Does she want to experience the spanking only for discipline and not at all for the sensory and erotic feel of it? For me (and I am not speaking for anyone else), even though I am very interested in the discipline side of spankings, I don't think I could separate out the erotic nature of a spanking, especially if the panties are removed. I think Hermione’s advice is excellent. Finding an older experienced man who will just spank her might really help start this journey. I also think she needs to do some more research, read some spanking stories, find some spanking blogs, and read some articles of yours.

Zille: Oh, wow, that poor woman!

I was sort of going along with that advice during the whole “carrying a bottle of nitroglycerin through the streets of Pamplona during the running of the bulls” thing, and his take was interesting on how guys deal with becoming the physically superior of the sexes (I’ll have to ask my Master if he agrees or not), but when I got to the long rant about how dangerous power exchange play is, I just got increasingly annoyed.

Has this guy never heard of BDSM (either Safe Sane and Consensual or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)?! I mean, there’s a huge community in the US alone which has been set up to take power exchange activities like spanking, and make them less like a kid playing with fire, and more like an adult making a fire in a fireplace (there’s still a risk of burning down your house, but you have been taught how to make it as safe as possible – I could take the comparison further by saying that, if you don’t clean out your chimney it’s the same risk – i.e. more likely to burn down the house – as not being self-aware and cleaning out your and emotional baggage before you do kinky activities).

I would advise this gal to hie herself down to the local BDSM group! Learn about how communication is taught and stressed in BDSM relationships, and then look for someone who wants to spank her, but is okay with not getting sex in the mix. (Is she okay with blow-jobs, I wonder, because that could fix a lot of problems!) Note that she wouldn’t even have to date someone in “the scene.” Once she had learned the ways that BDSM folk have learned to communicate their desires and dislikes (and their emotional boundaries, and lots of other handy things!), then she could explain those things to potentially anyone she liked, and if they “got it,” they would be much safer to run around with, “carrying a bottle of nitroglycerin.”

Hells, this man didn’t even mention safewords, which is just an amazing concept, and has spilled over from the BDSM community to other kinky communities, even a number of vanilla people know about it.

So, to me, this gal’s problem isn’t at all involving nitroglycerin or bulls. It’s easily fixed by dating people who will use safewords, and who have learned how to communicate their desires – i.e., many of the people in the BDSM community – or just learning from the BDSMers how to have your virginity and have kinky play, too!

Tiggs: I can't help but agree that she should wait, at least until she has a trusted friend whom she could ask to spank her. Trust and limits are the two biggest factors in making spanking (and sex, too) a good thing. And they are also the two things that can destroy the beauty of it all.

Communication is also necessary, open communication from both parties involved, so each person knows and respects implicitly the rights and wants of the other. Without that, it simply isn't worth the risks!

But trust issues are big for me right now out here in cyberia, as you can easily see by my post today. So this question raised now, in this way, just sent up big flashing warning signs! Maybe bigger than usual, but I think I'd still have replied the same way on any other day.

Jo the Mama: Load of bulls, ha!

I think the idea of experimenting with someone she knows and trusts is good. I’m not sure about all the dire rape warnings though.

I'm also a bit mystified by the idea that there is casual sex with drunken strangers, or sex with the man you marry, and no middle ground? What about long term relationships that don't lead to marriage? This is a good way to get to know yourself.

I think what she's talking about can lead to divorce... Practicing relationships is good.

Hi, Jo, and welcome!

Lucy: This is actually a very timely topic for me. About a year after Jekyll and I split up, I met Simon online. We talked for a while and agreed to meet. I realized that although spanking is obviously a sexual turn on for me, I had no desire to take this relationship into a sexual realm. We met several times and didn't go any farther than spanking. We got along well as friends, which I think helped, but it definitely felt like something was missing when it ended there. I am still a virgin and while I don't necessarily intended to stay that way long term, I have no intention of losing it to someone with whom I'm in such a casual relationship.

With Jekyll, we were so young that it was perfectly acceptable to "do everything but." The relationship also started as vanilla, so spanking wasn't an issue when we first met.

I would say that it is possible to experience spanking without sex, but for people with a sexual interest in spanking, one tends to lead to the other, or at the very least makes us wish we could have sex. I would say that, if she does decide to pursue this, to be careful and make sure that it is understood that sex is not part of the bargain.

Indy: I agree with the advice to seek a local spanking group or to go to a spanking party. While I'm sure sex goes on behind the scenes at such parties, it is emphatically not the default option. Attending such parties and talking to experienced female tops would be a good way for the questioner to identify appropriate tops for her.

Going to such a party would provide an education for the columnist, too.

The older, experienced top option isn't a bad idea in itself, but she should proceed cautiously. There are plenty of self-appointed "experts" out there whose counsel is definitely best avoided.

Texringer: Daisy said my thoughts very well. "As for spanking, I would say, curb those desires until she has a steady partner she trusts." I really think this aspect of sex needs to wait until she's ready for more basic aspects with the right partner.

Before my husband-to-be agreed to try spanking with me, I spent some time looking for a non-sexual spanker. I was looking for a disciplinarian to help keep me on my gym schedule. I don't think there is such a critter. Most of the spankers I "auditioned," so to speak were (reasonably, I admit) sexually aroused by the experience and I wasn't in a situation to participate in that with them. Others who professed to be just the disciplinarian, were all way too into serious BDSM, so that didn't work, either.

As hard as it is to wait for something you really want, I'd advise our young woman to find the right partner first, then explore spanking.

Welcome to you as well, Texringer! Thank you for sharing your experience.

Thoughtful Spanker: In a few ways, I agree with the answer he gave. While it doesn't show a lot of understanding of the people with whom we as a group interact, his advice and comparisons just might apply to a male outside our little circle.

I think he should have hooked her up with one or more of the blogs on your blogroll. Reading and talking things through with experienced spankees and spankers would provide a wealth of information to her.

And I have to agree with Texringer, disconnecting the erotic element from spanking is difficult and, at least for me, a frustrating endeavor.

Bonnie: I could easily write an entire post on this case, but I will try for once to be succinct.

Above all, our friend needs to know herself. What are her core values and priorities? If preserving her virginity is more important than exploring spanking, how willing is she to forgo the latter in favor of the latter? Is spanking inherently sexual (as it is for many of us) or can she effectively separate the two? Would she even consider a spanking from someone who is not on the “husband track.” Is spanking a passing interest or a prerequisite for any future partner? The answers to these questions will largely define the correct next move.

I disagree with the nitroglycerin and running bulls analogy. This young woman is inexperienced, but she’s not reckless. The fact that she thought to inquire (albeit to the wrong expert) before diving in suggests that she is aware of the potential risk. What she needs most is support, understanding, and helpful answers.

If you’re out there, Miss Pragmatic, please consider the wisdom you read here.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your insights!

MBS Spanko Brunch #157

For this week's brunch, I would like to try something a bit different. A reader recently brought to my attention an advice column that appeared at Salon.com. A young adult woman writes that she has chosen to remain a virgin. Nevertheless, she seeks to experiment with spanking. The resulting advice seems (to me) slightly misguided, but fundamentally correct. I wonder what you think.

What advice would you dispense to this young woman?

To answer our question, simply leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a turn to speak, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 11

Our topic this week was desired spankings we’ve not yet experienced. Here are your thoughts.

Doc: I've been spanked in a lot of ways, but never, ever, in the over-the-knee fashion! Can you believe it?

I've been spanked in almost every other fashion. I would love to receive an over-the-knee spanking. After all, it's part of the spanker/spankee's canon.

Anna: Mine would be a stress-relieving, cathartic spanking. I seem to crave it more and more as I take on more responsibility at work. I would love to come home to a long, purifying spanking and then just be held for a long time afterward, maybe until I fall asleep. That would be perfect.

Andrades Girl: It is so early in our spanking life together that I really am not sure what that might be, but I can come up with a perfect spanking for now.

It is OTK (without being dizzy or uncomfortable or rolling off his lap) and he uses the belt. Each slap of the belt is perfectly placed with just the right amount of zing. So far, the belt is still my favorite spanking toy. And he is getting better and better with it each time we practice.

Maryann: I would like my man to initiate a spanking and take his time delivering it. It would be delivered OTK, by hand, with a nice slow warm up and lots of play along the way. I want him to like it as much as I do.

PM Duo: I really want a discipline spanking. I'm not sure how well I'd like it, but I really crave the idea. I want it to be for something I've actually done that he's told me not to do rather than a pretend “you've been a naughty girl” thing. I'd like it to be over the edge of the bed or the arm of a couch. He would definitely start with his belt, but then switch to something harder. I want him completely, no doubt in control, and making me obey him. I've only cried once during a spanking, but I want this to end with tears and NO sex. Discipline only. I kind of doubt I'll ever get it, but I'll keep wanting!

Jean Marie: I fantasize about getting a public spanking. They say that lots of people think about sex in public. I've had that at the beach. I want a full-on, bare bottomed spanking in public. I'd love to travel to some different city, where I feel totally anonymous, and have my lover take me out to eat in a swanky restaurant. He tells me over dessert to lie across the white tablecloth and pull my skirt up, and then demands that I pull my panties down off my ass. Then I have to ask to be spanked. He complies – hard! The management and other patrons are shocked. The police are called. My lover throws money on the table and whisks me away, back to our hotel. I'd thank him by doing any nasty act he desired.

Daisy: I have often thought it would be sexy if I and a/some girlfriend(s) did something that REALLY made Davey cross, so cross that he spanked us; with me being last. I would have to watch and hear the sounds of the spanking, see how red her/their ass(es)were getting, knowing it would be my turn next!

I think it would be scary, sexy, embarrassing, and I would know that my punishment would definitely be harder, because he would be so disappointed in me!

Waiting for my turn would be deliciously agonising....

As to whether I would want this fantasy turned into reality, I am not sure!

Prefectdt: I have always wanted a birthday caning, actually on my birthday. Unfortunately, every year it’s the same story, no playmate available on that day.

There are about a million different toys I want to try out as well. The world is full of interesting toys.

Penfold: I love it when Bear talks to me like he is a headmaster and that I’m his 'naughty school girl' and spanks me. So I think my dream spanking would have to be over one of those big old desks you’d find in a headmasters office. I would wear a school girl’s outfit and he would don the old school robes. That would just be fantastic.

BigBear: I would agree with Penfold’s comment. Schoolgirl and headmaster would be my favourite spanking. I'd be very strict as she's giggling cutely in her outfit. Then I would pull her over my knee and start telling her off in a more memorable way.

Jay: Well, I suppose I want the kind of spanking that leaves me completely worn out. I'm not one for crying. It wasn't allowed when I was growing up. We had to be big girls and boys. And we weren't allowed to show fear. That was unacceptable. I would like a spanking that scares me just thinking about it and to be allowed to show that fear. I would to like to be allowed to cry. I want to cry or sob my guts out.

I'm not talking about an age play spanking. I just want to be able to feel two of the most natural states. Yes, I will probably brat and whine, but I think that I need this. After I have been taken this far, I would like to be held and told that I am loved.

This sounds sooo stupid. I must be crazy to want this.

I would like to be held in a loving hug and not be teased or ridiculed because I showed my fear or cried. That is my fantasy.

Hermione: I have always wanted a real birthday spanking, but have never had one. Ron has never taken me over his knee and I dearly wish he would. Then, of course, there's the hour-long spanking that I dream of.

My idea of the ideal birthday spanking would be for Ron to lay out every one of our implements, then sit in the armchair and put me over his knee. He would give me ten strokes with each implement in turn. I would have to count the strokes (something else I haven't done). Once I reached my age, the count would start over again. Otherwise, I would end up being 200 years old! After each set of ten, my bottom would be rubbed and caressed.

When he got to the longer implements, I would bend over the back of the armchair – also something I would love to try. It's exactly the right height. After all of the implements have been used, Ron would gently but thoroughly rub arnica creme all over my bottom. Then we would move on to other activities. That sounds like an hour to me.

Anon: As a switch, I frequently wonder whether my spanking playmate would invite over one of her adventurous girlfriends, who would serve as both a spectator and participant. The women would sit in armless chairs facing each other, knee to knee, and I would go over the platform thus presented for what I'd alliteratively describe as a "Tandem Torrid Tushy Tanning."

Multiple implements would be employed, sometimes by both at the same time, other times by just one. They would certainly have their way with me, fulfilling all of the following elements in expert fashion:

          Ritualistic
          Unrelenting
          Maternal
          Punitive

I'm hoping this will one day be attainable. And that the advice "all you have to do is ask" will be the means to a glowing, fire engine red rear end – MINE!

Tiggs: I desire a true, honest to goodness, discipline spanking, given with love, for my benefit, and without me having to ask or being allowed even to ask or being mostly for "play" or a "scene." I want to be held and told I was loved afterward, and really and truly feeling that love and security. I seek to feel as though me and my utmost needs matter more at that moment than anything else.

Oh, and Jay, my little couz, your wish is not remotely silly, but most heartfelt and sensible. And we both know that you've indeed found just the right man to deliver such a spanking very, very soon!

Padme: I have always wanted an OTK spanking from another woman. I have only had one spanking from a woman and that was a brief cropping. I'd love to experience a very hard spanking from a woman. That is one kind of spanking I've always wanted and have not been able to get yet. :)

Zille: I’ve never been “horsed” – that is, put my arms around the shoulders of another person, who then bends forward so I am lifted off of the floor and helpless to avoid the blows. This was pretty popular in England for corporal punishment in Victorian times (and lasting for a while after in school discipline.) This is more a position for caning or birching than actually spanking, but I’ve been in all the positions for spanking that I would like (well, at least that I know about!). However, I haven’t been over all of the laps I might like!

Ronnie: I've been spanked in many ways and in lots of different locations, but I would like a real public spanking pulled over whatever is available, skirt up, pants down and delivered hard, no nonsense. Of course, it would have to be in some place far away. I’m glad it's in my mind and won’t happen.

K: Hubby has only been spanking me for the last year, so I'm sure there are many more variations that we will try. However, there aren't any particular positions or types of spankings that I've been dying to try and haven't. I have little trouble sharing ideas as they occur to me and Hubby is usually quite eager, or at least agreeable, to try new things with me. What I'd really like as far as spankings go, is to be able to enjoy them without worrying that our Angel will wake up before we're satisfied. We're looking forward to her sleeping through the night, or even just longer than a couple hours at a time.

Betina: I think I'll join the commentators who said that they would like to try a true and honest discipline spanking. It would be a spanking I knew for sure I could not get out of and one that would leave me in tears. The spanking would include stern talk and lecturing while I'm over his knee with my bottom bared. After it’s over (maybe with corner time), I would be held by the man I love and told how much he loves me.

I find it hard to actually accept that this is what I crave, and I have no clue how I'd truly react if it ever happened. I came close to a discipline spanking once, but honestly, I doubt it will ever happen for real. Until then, I'll just wish for more of the spankings that he initiates, which are very rare. And I will hope that he when he initiates, he will take me further without me having to ask for more.

Frank Spanko: If an imaginary spanko can have a fantasy spanking, mine would be to be spanked in front of an audience. I desire not just to be spanked in front of another person or couple, or while a few people watch, but on a stage with a fair number of people in attendance. I would be lead out, perhaps naked, perhaps wearing only a shirt of some sort. Someone would then read what my offense was and what my punishment was to be.

I would them be ordered to face the audience and assume the position. A stern but beautiful woman would then deal with me, using a wooden paddle or a very sturdy leather strap. I would be given a number of strokes, very hard, that I had to count out, while the audience was able to view the discomfort on my face. I would then be told to turn around so that the viewers could see the implement punishing my bottom, and given an equal number of strokes.

When the punishment was complete, I would again have to face the audience and thank my punisher. She would ask if my bottom hurt badly, and I would respond that it did. She would then ask if I had learned my lesson, and I would again respond in the affirmative. Properly chastised, I would be led offstage where I would be allowed to dress and leave, hoping that I would never have to return to that stage again, but knowing that I would.

Hmmm, this might make a good story, don't you think?

I think it already is.

Todd and Suzy: We've been very lucky and thus have been able to experience almost every spanking scenario we can think of. We would very much like to enjoy a spanking on the beach though. Say Maui... close to the water, a long and relaxed bare bottom spanking.

Lucy: I have always wanted to be spanked past my pain threshold. All of the spankings I have had so far have been tolerable. I'm curious as to what I am capable of taking. Plus, I would love having a Top who wasn't afraid to push my limits.

I would also like to experience the traditional "Six of the Best."

Michelle: I've been thinking a lot about a variety of implements. We have several prevertables (a wooden spoon, a ping-pong paddle, a ruler, a slotted spatula), but few purpose made implements (only a riding crop).

I've been thinking about being flogged of late. I think a cat o’ nine tails, with heavy braided plaits or one of the ones that has all the little, thin leather strips could provide a variety of interesting sensations.

I've also thought a heavy leather paddle might be interesting. Our current paddle makes a lot of noise, but doesn't pack much of a wallop. A nice thuddy paddle might be fun.

I'd like there to be more of the over the furniture, skirts up, panties down variety as well, but I do get them and there have been some very memorable ones, just not quite as often as I'd like.

Bonnie: I will stick with the answer I gave in my previous post. I would like to experience spanking (and lovemaking) in zero gravity. I think it would be mind-blowing to live, love, and spank in three dimensions. In this weightless environment, the number of possible positions, for spankings or sex, is almost endless.

Thank you to everyone who joined in today’s discussion. For those who thought about speaking up, but weren’t quite sure, I encourage you to let your voice be heard. We’ll all be back here again next week and all MBS readers are welcome to participate (yes, even YOU). Until then, may your week be positive, productive, enjoyable, and filled with all the spankings you desire.

MBS Spanko Brunch #156

Welcome back to our weekly gathering. Our topic this time is one that regular MBS readers might recognize. It was a reader question that I answered in a recent mailbag segment. It's such an interesting discussion topic that I wanted to bring it to brunch as well.

What kind of spanking have you always wanted but never had?

Please feel free to be as imaginative as you wish. To share your spanking desire, just leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a turn, I will post an edited summary.

Poll: The MBS Blogroll

I invest a lot of time in creating and maintaining links to other blogs. Many readers tell me that the blogroll is their favorite part of the blog (I take that as an indication that I need to write more articles). I am sometimes asked why there are not more F/M and/or M/M blogs listed. I haven't deliberately excluded these folks, but they are not well represented.

My question is whether you desire a more inclusive blogroll.

Which types of blogs should I feature in the MBS blogroll? M/F only M/F and F/F M/F, F/F, and F/M M/F, F/F, F/M, and M/M Some other combination Current Results

Good News

Attention all pear lovers...

        Big Bottoms are Healthier!

I feel totally vindicated.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 4

This week’s brunch topic was holiday gifts.

Matt: Our anniversary is mid-December, so it wasn't really a Christmas present, but my I bought my wife a wooden paddle brush from a beauty supply store. She says it is still not quite right though. She gets significant vibration through it when she uses it on my bottom which helps to wear out her hand. I guess we will have to keep looking.

She suggested getting a real paddle so we will start looking for those. I like the symbolism of the hairbrush though, so I hope I can find one she likes.

We are just getting started. Currently, we have the paddle brush and her right hand. :-)

Tiggs: I did give spanking good gifts, but not to my beloved Dante! In fact, I not only shopped for a cheap spanking implement (that doubles as a useful gift), but I also passed along a spanking good toy that we'd never used. I honestly thought we would break it on the first swat if Dante ever had used it. Plus, I did manage to send a couple other spanking things to friends.

Dante and I have enough spanking toys to fill a huge box, way more than we use. Plus, in giving a spanking gift to him, it would really be "for" me. That would imply a "demand" to be spanked. I'm not imposing that sort of pressure on either of us this year!

The best part is that it truly is much better to give then to receive! The toys haven't been used yet (by my friends), but when they are, it will be delightful indeed! It makes me smile inside just thinking about it!

Daisy: The only people I "know" who spank are my online friends, and of course, there are no addresses or indeed real names. So I have no-one to send gifts to! Of course, Davey and I being in different countries makes it impossible to send gifts to each other. It would be expensive, and embarrassing to list the contents on a customs form! However, I have the promise of a belated Christmas spanking (and birthday spanking, and Easter spanking, and.. and.. and..!) to look forward to collecting when we meet up in a few months time! :)

Dr. Ken: I would have liked to receive a girlfriend to spank in the New Year. But last time I looked under the tree, there was still nothing there...

Paul: I received a wonderful packet from a special friend. It contained a paddle, a hairbrush and a tawse. My girl is a little apprehensive about them. Before that, I had sent my girl a nice hairbrush as part of her Christmas present.

Such presents add a little spice to her life. Chuckle.

Jay: Yes, I got a spankable for Christmas. It is a hairbrush. Sir has a cruel sense of humour.

And my lovely Couz sent my Dom a hairbrush, Tawse, and Paddle.
I think my butt is in trouble.

Hermione: I gave Ron a black wooden cane with a silver handle, and a long shoehorn to match. Both were made in Italy and are quite elegant. The cane is actually a walking stick and too heavy for play, but the shoehorn has definite possibilities. Maybe I'll find out on Twelfth Night.

Ronnie: We have quite a collection of toys, more than we actually use (P has his favourites).

I did receive an early present of a maple wood paddle shipped from the US. It has a jovial spanking Santa on it. This gives it a friendly appearance, but believe me, it is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Big Bear: Unfortunately for my dear Penfold, she received a new gift. It was not as part of the holidays, but as an addition to our growing collection... a cane

We just had to test it immediately. ;-)

We'll have to see how that goes through the year. I have got some ideas brewing! :-)

Julie: Since I am still hoping to transform my fantasies into reality in the future and technically am single as well, I did not give nor receive any spanking implements. However, I drew a kinky Christmas card for a special person I came to know over the internet, and I dearly wish it were possible for him to be my lover and disciplinarian. So I was happy I could surprise him with said card on which I drew the "Merry Christmas" made out of several implements we would like to experiment with. :-)

Also, with this being my first comment, I want to thank you for helping me to embrace my kinkiness through this amazing blog.

Welcome, Julie!

Our Bottoms Burn: There’s nothing new here. In fact, we have been giving away toys for the last three years.

Prefectdt No, I didn't give or receive one kinky present (damn my luck). I did pick up two books, “Over the Knee” by Fiona Locke and “A Slave in Time” by Josephine Scott in the Christmas sales (it was a buy one, get the other half price type of thing). Maybe that counts as a present to self.

I would have liked to have a kinky partner to exchange gifts with though.

Diesel Diva: My Christmas and/or New Years gift would be for my son to be able to move out. Thin walls and a son who is 25 and living here puts a definite kink in my kinkiness, so to speak. Keep your fingers crossed for me! He may move out someday. I'd have to shovel snow myself, but that would be a small price to pay. And my toasted hiney would keep me warm.

Doc: This is a sad question for me. I gave a fun spanko gift this year, but it will never be used on me. Days after giving it I had to leave the person I gave it to...

It was a cricket bat, and a full cricket set actually. The bat was the lightest one we could find. The whole set was going to be used in a scene wherein I wore a tartan skirt. My Dom liked to do erotic photos and a scene with a full compilation of props was something I knew he'd like.

I got the cricket bat in England. It’s perhaps not the most amusing gift if you're from that country, but I thought of it as a very suitable surprise coming from a sub who has just been traveling.

Danielle:While we were on vacation I bought three identical gifts. One crossed the ocean on its way to a dear friend. The second went to our closest friends when we visited them just before Christmas and the third... was for us.

Of course, I have used that one already many times on my husband's backside. What it is? It is a smaller version of an Irish (and American?) hurling stick. It’s not a true spanking tool, but it does a great job. It looks quite innocent. It is easy to swing and looks nice as well. Ours is called Miss Hurley.

Padme: I received a brand new long suede flogger from a good friend of mine for Christmas. It's wonderful and I really enjoy playing with it! I also got a new wooden spoon in my stocking too from Santa. We have yet to use it though and I'm looking forward to a spanking from it! :)

Red: I stumbled over your blog a few days ago and find it quite nice.

Yes, I gave my sweetie a new, long handled bath brush. While I haven't been on the receiving end yet, she immediately picked up on its dual uses.

Hi, Red, and welcome! That brush sounds like a real scorcher.

Mthc: Yep, I gave David a bathbrush that he makes use of every waking moment.

Impish1: Nope, I put a pretty hand-shaped leather spanking paddle on my Christmas list, and showed him where to buy it, but we don't always get what's on our lists, and I didn't get it. He's never bought a spanking implement, so it was really a little too hopeful anyway.

Ann: I gave a paddle to my fiancee. We haven't tried it out yet, but I think it's just a matter of time before it's used. :)

Bonnie: We bought a new toy together this year. It isn’t an implement and its use is not limited to spanking. It’s a wedge pillow. We had something similar several years ago, but this model is far superior. The wedge has been a lot of fun and we’re just getting started.

Thank you to everyone who shared their holiday thoughts and memories. We will have an excellent, thought-provoking reader question next Sunday. I hope you will join us again.

MBS Spanko Brunch #155

It's time to begin another year of spanko brunches. But let's not end the celebration just yet. This week's topic offers an opportunity to share some recent holiday fun.

Did you give or receive any notable spanking-related gifts this holiday season? Were there any presents you wanted to receive but didn't? Are there any special gifts you have yet to deliver or collect?

If you would like to join our conversation, you can enter a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

Bonnie's Mailbag - Part Three

OK, this is the last installment for now. I need to make a New Year's resolution to not let the mail get so backed up!

Question: I'm a 21 year old male. I have never been spanked but it has always been curious about it. Recently i have been looking online for a domestic disciplinarian to give me my first spanking but haven't had any success finding someone in my area. do you have any suggestions?

Response: I don't claim to be an expert on this topic, but I am aware of several techniques that seem to have worked for people in your situation.

1. Contact a local or regional spanking or other kink-oriented group. They probably have a Web site or discussion group you can find via Google. If they don't offer what you seek, they might be able to refer you elsewhere.


2. Try an advertisement in your local alternative newspaper.


3. Post a listing on Craigslist or a similar service.


4. See if there is a local or regional club that caters to a kinky crowd. That may provide an opportunity to meet new people.


5. Search blogs/MySpace/Facebook/FetLife and discussion groups for kinky folk in your area. Again, if they cannot help you, they might be able to direct you to someone who can.

As you meet people, please be sure to be respectful and polite. If you want them to do you a favor, a little gratitude goes a long way.

Question: Do you think all women have a desire to be spanked, either for fun, or discipline, & i know you can't speak for all ladies , but as a man i could give close insite to you if you were to ask me a question concerning men's thoughts, & thats all i'm asking for from you.

I actually have spanked her once for loosing a large amount of money, that she could have controlled if she had been more careful & there was not much resistance from her. Now if she makes any serious mistakes or if i smack her bottom she acts as if its not wanted, & works very hard to get out of it if i suggest it for wrong doing's. How would you interpet this from her?

Response: I don't believe all women (or all men for that matter) possess an innate desire to be spanked. I am quite certain that there are lots of women who, for various reasons, have no interest whatsoever.

I can't tell you what's in your woman's head. Rather than asking me, you should be asking her. There's just no substitute for basic communication.

Who knows? You might be surprised!

Comment: I wonder if you like spankings as much as I do...

Response: How much do I love spankings? Enough to write over 1,000 posts on the subject!

Comment: I Luv that Bootty

Response: Can you tell that we’re into the MySpace messages now?

Comment: HAY YOU!!

Response: Straw is cheaper. Grass is free. Buy a farm, you get all three.

Question: how much experience do you have being spanked by another woman?

The reason I ask is a lot of the women I've met over the years and throughout the country are now seeking out other ladies to spank them. And although, many of them have admitted to me that women are more merciless and less tolerant of a man, the want the matriarchal type of spanking.

Response: Zero. That is outside my experience.

Question, sort of: enjoyed ur site, so took the chance on a friend request, thanks for taking the chance back! Names, ____, Originally from _____, but have been here in ____ about 7 years. anyways, just stopping in to introduce myself and say hi, and wish u a good day/week/weekend. just an fyi, i have the irish blood in me, so cocktails on me at happy hour, any takers?? hint hint. lol

Response: Hello. I’d better skip the drink.

Question: Hav u ever participated in receptive anal intercourse?

Response: Uh huh.

Comment: You and my sub both have great bottoms

Response: Two more and we can start a singing group.

Question: hi i would like to be you freind i like sexy older women with a nice ass.

Response: Do those sexy older women have to share one nice ass? That must be terribly inconvenient.

Comment: saw your profile qould lik to your friend. love to give you a spanking and make your bun sore

Response: Qould lik? Really?

Question: can i see the face

Response: I have to keep some secrets, don’t I?

Questions and Comments: HEY BONNIE ARE YOU A SINGLE FEMALE DO YOU LIKE OLDER MEN YES OR KNOW MY NAME IS _______ YOU DO HAVE A NICE TIGHT ASS WITH YOUR LEVIS ON IF YOU EVER GET ONLINE CAN YOU SEND ME A NEW MESSAGE IF YOU CAN OR NOT AM I TOO OLD FOR YOU YES OR KNOW

Response: Shhhhhh. I’m right here. Please lower your voice.

I recall that Erica got a visit from mister “yes or know” as well. He wants me to send him a new message. It would be a lot more fun to forward a bunch of my old ones. You know, the ones from other people who don’t know about the caps lock key…

Question: I just love your blog. I just found it recently and I am amazed to find there are other women like me. I thought for the longest time that I was the only one who craved spankings.

Response: Thank you. There are actually quite a few of us.

Question(s): i have heard that lady's do not say what they really want, & of course she would be apprehensive to just say i need spanked, but i am also reluctant to ask "hey do you like for me to spank you when you have messed up" dose no, said not firmly mean yes?

Response: I believe there needs to be some honest communication before you get to the point of spanking. Without that open channel, there is too much opportunity for misunderstanding and hurt.

We women may not always say what we want, but "no" must mean no. Unless you have some agreement to the contrary, such as a safeword, you cannot run through that stoplight without violating her trust and potentially damaging your relationship.

Comment: that’s one fine fat butt!

Response : Gee, thanks.

Question: Do you know of a site that offers pictures, videos, or stories about mature ladies (60+) who are interested in spanking, either giving or taking.

Response: I am not aware of any such site, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Solicitation: I am interested in either buying (one-time fee or monthly fee) or exchanging links with you (we have a large network of sites, so it would not be a direct link exchange). Please let me know if you are interested in this.

Response: No, thank you. Readers don’t come here to see irrelevant advertising.

Question: Hi Bonnie nice spankable ass can i spank it.

Response: Nope. I have a guy who takes care of that.

Question: How long should a spanking be? I'v never been really sure about it

Response: Here’s a related brunch and two tutorials that may help.

Question: should i spank my wife if she does something wrong and if so should i use a belt

Response: I wouldn’t recommend it unless you have thoroughly discussed the subject first. If you strike someone without their consent, it’s considered assault. That’s not a place you want to go. I encourage you to talk with her and, please, listen to what she says.

Good marriages are built on understanding, shared values, and trust. If you want to add something to your relationship, this is the foundation upon which you should build it.

Question: May I recommend my own blog for “In with the New?”

Response: Yes, absolutely.

Question: What’s it like to have such a beautiful butt?

Response: I don’t know. This is the only bottom I’ve had.

Question: When you’re lying over Randy’s lap and he’s spanking you hard with the paddle, does he ever pull your panties up between your butt cheeks so your bottom is bare and it hurts more?

Response: Yes, sometimes.

That's all, folks!

Bonnie's Mailbag - Part Two

Believe it or not, there's still more after this!

Question: As you can see from my attached picture I’m a rather bad boy, but a bad English boy who would dearly love to enter into a loving and obedient relationship with a passionate and tolerant American woman. Can you suggest a route, perhaps through an appropriate website, where I might meet such a Goddess. I’m not looking for a dominatrix, but for a good woman who would enjoy having a silky boy in her bed, and as her obedient lover. I’m a youthful 60 year old so I guess a lady in her 50s would share lots of interests. I hope you won’t mind me asking but you do seem very wise and kind.

Response: I think the best approach for addressing your need might be a discrete personal advertisement. I have friends who have had good success with Craig's List, but I don't know if that's available for your area. You might also try alternative newspapers, local kink-oriented groups, or the Fetlife web site. You could even start a spanking-oriented blog.

I suspect the friend you seek is out there. It's just a matter of finding her.

Comment: I wish my wife enjoyed being spanked.

Response: That was the entire e-mail message. If spanking is not a common interest, I suggest strengthening the bond between you by focusing on activities and values you share.

Question: I'm male and I long to be regularly spanked by my wife for foreplay, behavioral and mental 'correction'. I'm generally the one that's in control in the relationship, unless she's pissed about something. Some might say I'm a control freak. I sometimes feel stressed, trying take care of so many things in our lives and help her feel loved and supported. I have my suspicion that a spot of discipline in the form of spanking would be a huge relief.

We discussed spanking a bit and tried a couple times, but I can't help feeling a fool, lying there. I can't surrender. I wish I could let go, and allow myself to feel controlled and 'corrected', but I can't seem to do it.

I don't understand how women are able to surrender and willingly lie there while they are punished. Somehow I imagine that if I were held down in some way then it might work but that's a lot to ask of her, impractical and I suspect won’t solve it.

So my question is this, do women ever find it difficult to surrender? Do they need to feel forced and overwhelmed? How do they deal with it?

Response: What I believe I hear you say is that you crave the physical sensation of a spanking and think that the stress relief would be beneficial. However, you have no desire to play a submissive role.

There really isn't a conflict. While many people who enjoy being spanked are also submissive, these two attributes don't necessarily run in parallel.

From this perspective, I think the answer to your question is that you don't have to surrender, particularly if that aspect doesn't do anything for you. You can focus instead on the spanking itself. If light bondage is something you would consider, that would be a simple (and probably more effective) alternative to asking your wife to hold you down.

The reason some women (and some men too) are able to surrender is because, at some level, they desire to do so. Fantasies aside, as thinking adults, we're simply not going to agree to accept pointless suffering for its own sake.

Question: Currently I'm in a relationship with a girl that I love very much, we agree on a lot of things with barley any difference. One of the main things that we're different on is that I'm sadistic, meaning I get pleasure from causing pain, but shes not masochistic. I've told her that I'm a sadist and I have spanked her a few times, not really that hard since she doesn't like it. But at the level I'm not really in joying it at all. It's sometimes a difficult thing to talk with her about because she had a rough childhood and , again, really doesn't like being in pain so some times when I do it harder I feel rather guilty.

Response: You have a difficult choice before you. From your description, it seems unlikely that your friend is ever going to share your interest. For the long term, you will probably have to decide whether you prefer this relationship or your kink.

I know several people who entered vanilla marriages with the intention of abandoning their kink forever. In most cases, it hasn't worked out very well. The desires may be suppressed, but they typically don't disappear entirely.

I suggest that you might want to consult with a kink-aware therapist. They might be able to provide some insights about how best to progress from here.

Comment: I just came across your blogs. You are truly delightful. Thank you for everything you provide!

Response: I’m pleased to hear you enjoy this blog. You’re very welcome.

Question: Is Cassie all right? I went a few days ago. She talked about slowing down. Then, when I went the other day, she's gone private.

Response: Cassie didn’t share her plans with me and I don’t know of anyone who has talked with her. However, MBS still gets occasional hits from her blog, so there must be someone in there.

Question: One of my very favorite bloggers has now made her page "invite only." What is a loyal lurker to do when such things happen without warning...? I realize that it's every person's privilege to do whatever they wish regarding access to their blog, and I don't blame anyone a bit for wanting to make such a deep-seated subject (sorry, bad pun) more private. I don't actually even know "blog etiquette" so to speak so I really don't know what, if anything, I might be able to do, or if I will just have to bid a fond and sad farewell.

Response: Taking a blog private after it was previously public seems to happen for one of two reasons. Sometimes bloggers find that their words are not quite as anonymous as they thought. Having one's spanking blog discovered by a friend, co-worker, or family member has to be devastating. This is why I purposely omit lots of interesting details that would otherwise adorn my writing. At that point, a blogger has to resort to damage control and going private is the easiest and fastest fix.

The other reason why a blog might go private is as an alternative to deletion. If a blogger decides that they are done with blogging, but *might* possibly want to return to it someday, this approach can provide that option. It's like putting one's blog in mothballs.

As you say, bloggers have the right to do as they please with their blogs. That freedom and degree of control is part of the attraction of blogging as a medium. You won't hear me judge another blogger's decision to blog or not blog because I know my day will come eventually.

Comment: I can not tell you the great joy I felt when I found your site as well as a few others. What a great feeling it was to realize that I am not warped or weird.

Response: You're not strange, weird, or even especially unusual in your interest in spanking. There are lots of us.

I'm glad my blog is helpful for you. One of my goals for MBS is to educate and encourage readers. Done correctly, consensual adult spanking is safe and enjoyable.

Question: do you have a sight that i can see you getting a spanking? just curious thanjs

Response: No, I don't. Were I twenty-something and built like a (spanking) model, I probably would. But that ship has sailed.

That's enough for this time. There's more mapcap mailbag meanderings yet to come.