Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Sept 11

Our topic this week was whether a fantasy can be suppressed. Here are your thoughts.

Daisy: I think if you truly believed it was wrong and violent, you not only could, but would move away from it, without a backward glance.

I have seen things on other blogs that I thought were verging on abusive. I have never gone back for a second look. That just doesn't interest me.

Joeyred: I believe that you can try to repress the fantasy and create lots of reasons why you should ignore it. However, if it is part of your DNA, it will linger. For years, I repressed the fantasy, but it would not go away. So I began a journey of self discovery. The breakthrough for me was the discovery of Zelle's blog quite by accident. I was fascinated by her insights and realized that intelligent, witty and successful people had the same fantasy. The loss of a dear friend at a young age melted my inhibitions and I decided to fulfill my fantasy of being spanked.

After years of fighting to repress my fantasy, I finally experienced the excitement and fun of a spanking. If anything, I regret that I did not begin at an earlier age. Not only have I met a group of terrific spanko friends, I finally feel that a large part of what makes me who I am has been fulfilled.

Meow: My fantasy about spanking is harsher and more violent than I would want in real life. I prefer the reality, but I find the fantasy exciting. Similarly, I find the idea of sky diving exciting, but I would never do it. For me, dissatisfaction comes when there is no spanking!

Hermione: Fantasies are just that. They are not real, and don't necessarily have any bearing on real life. I indulge in fantasies that are arousing to me, but they aren't anything close to what I would actually want to encounter in real life. Like Meow, I prefer the reality. There's no reason to judge your fantasies or try to avoid them. They are what they are. It's okay to fantasize.

As for deciding that spanking is wrong, if it appeals to you and is safe, sane and consensual, then there is no harm in it. If it does not appeal to you or arouse you, then like Daisy said, walk away.

PK: I'm right there with Meow and Hermione. I love real life and the fact that spanking is a part of my life now, but my fantasies are fun too. Many of them are way more severe than I want in my real life. My fantasies kept me going until the real thing came along and now many of then find their way into my fiction stories.

Before I found like-minded friends and began blogging, I would sometimes come to feel that the whole spanking thing was wrong and I was “sick.” I'd decide to stop fantasizing about it. When that happened, I would become severely depressed. For me, spanking fantasies keep me mentally happy and well balanced. The real thing helps even more, so I don't see myself ever giving them up.

Emily: There's a HUGE difference between consensual non-consent and abuse. I was in a dark place when I suppressed my spanking fantasies because I wasn't being true to myself. Living the "normal" way is someone else's life, not mine.

If you can't be honest with the person with whom you're in a relationship, it may be time to reevaluate that relationship.

Michael M: It is very probable that you either are or are not a spankophile. If you are, then you will have your own way of fantasizing about your desires. If you want to imagine and dream about being whipped, but would prefer not to have it happen in reality, that is perfectly fine. If you would like to be gently spanked to a modicum of redness, that is who you are. If, however, you think would like to be tied to a spanking bench and beaten with a cane, then give it a try, but do so with someone who will stop if you don't enjoy it.

To thine own self be true, as the man said.

Six of the Best: I have always felt that I can keep my spanking fantasies under control. Yes, in my lifetime I've spanked a number of consensual female partners with mutual satisfaction. And yes, spanking blogs are fun, a joy to read, and bring to me normalcy.

Anon: I ran from my fantasies. It was not because I thought they were violent, but because I thought they were dirty and wrong and demeaning to women. But my fantasies caught up with me. I couldn't get away. I got over my hang-ups and no longer think they are dirty (well, maybe a little) or demeaning (as long as it's consensual). But if I thought my fantasies were violent, truly violent, I'd work harder to suppress them. I feel blessed that I've never experienced true violence. I think that would make all the difference.

Bobbie Jo: I must say this is an interesting question. I believe that a person can stop fantasising about anything. It isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can been done. If anyone thinks spanking is wrong and should not be engaged in, the first line of defence is to stop fantasising about it.

Having said that, I have to be honest and say that for years I was able to "forget" about spanking entirely, or so I thought. After about twenty years of not thinking about it, it came over me like a tsunami a couple of months after my husband died. I have never been successful in eradicating it totally and I have learned that it really never goes away, at least for most of us. I have only been spanked by one person as an adult and neither of us knew what we were doing. He was a therapist. Wrong move.

I still struggle with the idea that something is wrong here. After doing a lot of research on the issue, I am really troubled by a lot of what I have seen, consensual or not. I know all of us have struggled at some time with spanking and wondering whether it is wrong and considering it as very weird.

I have no answers, only ideas and suggestions. I guess that is all any of us have.

CurtisG: If you are a lifelong spanko, it's at the heart of your sexuality and, like me, you've known that since childhood, you'll never be able to put it away. Spanking has always been for me about fun, play, sensuality and arousal. I've witnessed or heard or read about scenes that are violent and abusive and, if that were in my view of things, I would turn away. But that's never been me in either fantasy or reality. I pursued spanking when I was young, but didn't advertise that I was into it. Eve Howard's early writings made me comfortable in my own skin. So, I'd have to say that it's impossible to turn away from what's your nature. You know that your nature is not dangerous, or abusive or anything even close.

Scunge: NO and YES.

S.N.M.: Nope.

A'marie: To me, it's about where the fantasy lies. I have fantasies with varying degrees of kink and possibility.

I think that for the most part, the answer would be yes. I think in this case, if I were to decide spanking were wrong and violent, it would be a gradual change of thought. Thus, over time, my fantasies would have changed, too.

I've repressed spanking before for relationships, and I'm sure I could do it again. But yes, the dissatisfaction would be there to some degree.

Lea: Can you repress a fantasy? I think so. I had more than a passing interest in spanking for a long time before I ever acted on it a few years ago. If, for some reason, everything was suddenly cut off and I couldn't do it anymore, I'd live, but it would be harder now that I'd know what I'd be missing.

Molly: I think fantasies are ever-changing and evolving 'stories' within our minds. As we have real life experiences, read, see pictures, movies or talk with others, our fantasies change in response to this.

You can definitely repress fantasies. Sometimes, this happens as our fantasy develops and changes within our mind. We fade out some areas and focus in on others. This is a kind of involuntary suppression.

A more active repression is also possible. Sometimes, our fantasies challenge us beyond what we are ready for and so shut them away. Does that lead to dissatisfaction? I think that very much depends on the level of repression. I think if it leads to you cutting off your imagination and fantasies altogether, it could be very harmful. I believe our minds need space to explore all of our thoughts. Trying to switch that off just denies ourselves a true exploration of everything that we are.

Prefectdt: The simple answer is no. I cannot suppress the spanking thing and trying to deny it in the past has lead to bad things in my life.

MarQe: If spanking arouses your interest, why even consider repressing it ? If you need it, then find someone you trust to administer it. A good sound spanking will soon let you know one way or another whether you have made the right decision!

Season: I echo what Meow, Hermione, and PK said. My fantasies go much further than what I do in reality. There were times in the past when I tried to suppress those spanking desires, but it never lasted long. I have accepted that it is part of how I am wired and something I'm meant to enjoy.

Daisy: I didn't take the question to be whether we could turn away from spanking without missing it. The key phrase for me was "if you decided that spanking was wrong and violent."

I used to fantasise about all sorts of scenarios when I was younger, and they all involved my (then) husband spanking me. We often played about with it, but without the benefit of internet or others to talk to about it, we were so useless!

Then he came home drunk one night, in a temper, and decided to cane me. It was definitely NOT consensual. Suffice it to say, it was a bad experience.

So, it's not difficult at all, to decide that this was wrong and violent, AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Davey knows all about it, and agreed the cane will never, ever, feature in our relationship, unless I expressly request it, which I never will.

Spanking is a part of me and a part of us, but any part that causes those feelings (that something is wrong and or violent) has no place in my life and can be thrown out without a backward glance. We can manage our spankings quite nicely without a cane, thank you very much!

Bonnie: We have discussed several times the practicality of suppressing one's spanking interest. The majority answer to this question seems to be that it's possible, but problematic for those of us who crave it.

In contrast, this week's question deals specifically with fantasies. I find that I have two kinds of fantasies. The first are the generalized, long term variety. They have changed only in minor detail since I was a young teen. The second type are more fleeting and evolve over time. These may appear, disappear, and reappear without warning.

The permanent fantasies are a part of me. They cannot be suppressed without changing who I am. The transient fantasies can more easily be derailed and the consequences are minimal.

Thank you all for sharing your insight. I hope you'll join us again next week.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 11

Our topic this week was desired spankings we’ve not yet experienced. Here are your thoughts.

Doc: I've been spanked in a lot of ways, but never, ever, in the over-the-knee fashion! Can you believe it?

I've been spanked in almost every other fashion. I would love to receive an over-the-knee spanking. After all, it's part of the spanker/spankee's canon.

Anna: Mine would be a stress-relieving, cathartic spanking. I seem to crave it more and more as I take on more responsibility at work. I would love to come home to a long, purifying spanking and then just be held for a long time afterward, maybe until I fall asleep. That would be perfect.

Andrades Girl: It is so early in our spanking life together that I really am not sure what that might be, but I can come up with a perfect spanking for now.

It is OTK (without being dizzy or uncomfortable or rolling off his lap) and he uses the belt. Each slap of the belt is perfectly placed with just the right amount of zing. So far, the belt is still my favorite spanking toy. And he is getting better and better with it each time we practice.

Maryann: I would like my man to initiate a spanking and take his time delivering it. It would be delivered OTK, by hand, with a nice slow warm up and lots of play along the way. I want him to like it as much as I do.

PM Duo: I really want a discipline spanking. I'm not sure how well I'd like it, but I really crave the idea. I want it to be for something I've actually done that he's told me not to do rather than a pretend “you've been a naughty girl” thing. I'd like it to be over the edge of the bed or the arm of a couch. He would definitely start with his belt, but then switch to something harder. I want him completely, no doubt in control, and making me obey him. I've only cried once during a spanking, but I want this to end with tears and NO sex. Discipline only. I kind of doubt I'll ever get it, but I'll keep wanting!

Jean Marie: I fantasize about getting a public spanking. They say that lots of people think about sex in public. I've had that at the beach. I want a full-on, bare bottomed spanking in public. I'd love to travel to some different city, where I feel totally anonymous, and have my lover take me out to eat in a swanky restaurant. He tells me over dessert to lie across the white tablecloth and pull my skirt up, and then demands that I pull my panties down off my ass. Then I have to ask to be spanked. He complies – hard! The management and other patrons are shocked. The police are called. My lover throws money on the table and whisks me away, back to our hotel. I'd thank him by doing any nasty act he desired.

Daisy: I have often thought it would be sexy if I and a/some girlfriend(s) did something that REALLY made Davey cross, so cross that he spanked us; with me being last. I would have to watch and hear the sounds of the spanking, see how red her/their ass(es)were getting, knowing it would be my turn next!

I think it would be scary, sexy, embarrassing, and I would know that my punishment would definitely be harder, because he would be so disappointed in me!

Waiting for my turn would be deliciously agonising....

As to whether I would want this fantasy turned into reality, I am not sure!

Prefectdt: I have always wanted a birthday caning, actually on my birthday. Unfortunately, every year it’s the same story, no playmate available on that day.

There are about a million different toys I want to try out as well. The world is full of interesting toys.

Penfold: I love it when Bear talks to me like he is a headmaster and that I’m his 'naughty school girl' and spanks me. So I think my dream spanking would have to be over one of those big old desks you’d find in a headmasters office. I would wear a school girl’s outfit and he would don the old school robes. That would just be fantastic.

BigBear: I would agree with Penfold’s comment. Schoolgirl and headmaster would be my favourite spanking. I'd be very strict as she's giggling cutely in her outfit. Then I would pull her over my knee and start telling her off in a more memorable way.

Jay: Well, I suppose I want the kind of spanking that leaves me completely worn out. I'm not one for crying. It wasn't allowed when I was growing up. We had to be big girls and boys. And we weren't allowed to show fear. That was unacceptable. I would like a spanking that scares me just thinking about it and to be allowed to show that fear. I would to like to be allowed to cry. I want to cry or sob my guts out.

I'm not talking about an age play spanking. I just want to be able to feel two of the most natural states. Yes, I will probably brat and whine, but I think that I need this. After I have been taken this far, I would like to be held and told that I am loved.

This sounds sooo stupid. I must be crazy to want this.

I would like to be held in a loving hug and not be teased or ridiculed because I showed my fear or cried. That is my fantasy.

Hermione: I have always wanted a real birthday spanking, but have never had one. Ron has never taken me over his knee and I dearly wish he would. Then, of course, there's the hour-long spanking that I dream of.

My idea of the ideal birthday spanking would be for Ron to lay out every one of our implements, then sit in the armchair and put me over his knee. He would give me ten strokes with each implement in turn. I would have to count the strokes (something else I haven't done). Once I reached my age, the count would start over again. Otherwise, I would end up being 200 years old! After each set of ten, my bottom would be rubbed and caressed.

When he got to the longer implements, I would bend over the back of the armchair – also something I would love to try. It's exactly the right height. After all of the implements have been used, Ron would gently but thoroughly rub arnica creme all over my bottom. Then we would move on to other activities. That sounds like an hour to me.

Anon: As a switch, I frequently wonder whether my spanking playmate would invite over one of her adventurous girlfriends, who would serve as both a spectator and participant. The women would sit in armless chairs facing each other, knee to knee, and I would go over the platform thus presented for what I'd alliteratively describe as a "Tandem Torrid Tushy Tanning."

Multiple implements would be employed, sometimes by both at the same time, other times by just one. They would certainly have their way with me, fulfilling all of the following elements in expert fashion:

          Ritualistic
          Unrelenting
          Maternal
          Punitive

I'm hoping this will one day be attainable. And that the advice "all you have to do is ask" will be the means to a glowing, fire engine red rear end – MINE!

Tiggs: I desire a true, honest to goodness, discipline spanking, given with love, for my benefit, and without me having to ask or being allowed even to ask or being mostly for "play" or a "scene." I want to be held and told I was loved afterward, and really and truly feeling that love and security. I seek to feel as though me and my utmost needs matter more at that moment than anything else.

Oh, and Jay, my little couz, your wish is not remotely silly, but most heartfelt and sensible. And we both know that you've indeed found just the right man to deliver such a spanking very, very soon!

Padme: I have always wanted an OTK spanking from another woman. I have only had one spanking from a woman and that was a brief cropping. I'd love to experience a very hard spanking from a woman. That is one kind of spanking I've always wanted and have not been able to get yet. :)

Zille: I’ve never been “horsed” – that is, put my arms around the shoulders of another person, who then bends forward so I am lifted off of the floor and helpless to avoid the blows. This was pretty popular in England for corporal punishment in Victorian times (and lasting for a while after in school discipline.) This is more a position for caning or birching than actually spanking, but I’ve been in all the positions for spanking that I would like (well, at least that I know about!). However, I haven’t been over all of the laps I might like!

Ronnie: I've been spanked in many ways and in lots of different locations, but I would like a real public spanking pulled over whatever is available, skirt up, pants down and delivered hard, no nonsense. Of course, it would have to be in some place far away. I’m glad it's in my mind and won’t happen.

K: Hubby has only been spanking me for the last year, so I'm sure there are many more variations that we will try. However, there aren't any particular positions or types of spankings that I've been dying to try and haven't. I have little trouble sharing ideas as they occur to me and Hubby is usually quite eager, or at least agreeable, to try new things with me. What I'd really like as far as spankings go, is to be able to enjoy them without worrying that our Angel will wake up before we're satisfied. We're looking forward to her sleeping through the night, or even just longer than a couple hours at a time.

Betina: I think I'll join the commentators who said that they would like to try a true and honest discipline spanking. It would be a spanking I knew for sure I could not get out of and one that would leave me in tears. The spanking would include stern talk and lecturing while I'm over his knee with my bottom bared. After it’s over (maybe with corner time), I would be held by the man I love and told how much he loves me.

I find it hard to actually accept that this is what I crave, and I have no clue how I'd truly react if it ever happened. I came close to a discipline spanking once, but honestly, I doubt it will ever happen for real. Until then, I'll just wish for more of the spankings that he initiates, which are very rare. And I will hope that he when he initiates, he will take me further without me having to ask for more.

Frank Spanko: If an imaginary spanko can have a fantasy spanking, mine would be to be spanked in front of an audience. I desire not just to be spanked in front of another person or couple, or while a few people watch, but on a stage with a fair number of people in attendance. I would be lead out, perhaps naked, perhaps wearing only a shirt of some sort. Someone would then read what my offense was and what my punishment was to be.

I would them be ordered to face the audience and assume the position. A stern but beautiful woman would then deal with me, using a wooden paddle or a very sturdy leather strap. I would be given a number of strokes, very hard, that I had to count out, while the audience was able to view the discomfort on my face. I would then be told to turn around so that the viewers could see the implement punishing my bottom, and given an equal number of strokes.

When the punishment was complete, I would again have to face the audience and thank my punisher. She would ask if my bottom hurt badly, and I would respond that it did. She would then ask if I had learned my lesson, and I would again respond in the affirmative. Properly chastised, I would be led offstage where I would be allowed to dress and leave, hoping that I would never have to return to that stage again, but knowing that I would.

Hmmm, this might make a good story, don't you think?

I think it already is.

Todd and Suzy: We've been very lucky and thus have been able to experience almost every spanking scenario we can think of. We would very much like to enjoy a spanking on the beach though. Say Maui... close to the water, a long and relaxed bare bottom spanking.

Lucy: I have always wanted to be spanked past my pain threshold. All of the spankings I have had so far have been tolerable. I'm curious as to what I am capable of taking. Plus, I would love having a Top who wasn't afraid to push my limits.

I would also like to experience the traditional "Six of the Best."

Michelle: I've been thinking a lot about a variety of implements. We have several prevertables (a wooden spoon, a ping-pong paddle, a ruler, a slotted spatula), but few purpose made implements (only a riding crop).

I've been thinking about being flogged of late. I think a cat o’ nine tails, with heavy braided plaits or one of the ones that has all the little, thin leather strips could provide a variety of interesting sensations.

I've also thought a heavy leather paddle might be interesting. Our current paddle makes a lot of noise, but doesn't pack much of a wallop. A nice thuddy paddle might be fun.

I'd like there to be more of the over the furniture, skirts up, panties down variety as well, but I do get them and there have been some very memorable ones, just not quite as often as I'd like.

Bonnie: I will stick with the answer I gave in my previous post. I would like to experience spanking (and lovemaking) in zero gravity. I think it would be mind-blowing to live, love, and spank in three dimensions. In this weightless environment, the number of possible positions, for spankings or sex, is almost endless.

Thank you to everyone who joined in today’s discussion. For those who thought about speaking up, but weren’t quite sure, I encourage you to let your voice be heard. We’ll all be back here again next week and all MBS readers are welcome to participate (yes, even YOU). Until then, may your week be positive, productive, enjoyable, and filled with all the spankings you desire.