Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for April 23

                    
Once again, we’ve enjoyed an excellent brunch, thanks to our generous participants. I hope everyone learned something. I know I gained some new insights.

The question concerned stress relief spankings. Here are your illuminating responses:

Cuddlybum: I just asked the beloved about this. He reckons that punishment spankings are harder, fun spankings are shorter with more rubbing and stroking, but stress relief spankings go on and on until I'm all de-stressed (and to a certain extent, HE's de-stressed as well!)

Stress relief spankings help to deal with a lot of the tension that can build up over nothing specific. Sometimes, I start to feel all tetchy and too big for my skin. Afterwards, I feel sore, but I also feel relaxed and happy. The beloved reckons punishments should be short and over and done with (mind you, he's never been at the receiving end of his idea of a 'short sharp spanking!').

The stress relief spankings are a major reason why we're so strong together. They provide a safe place and time for me to fall apart. The beloved then picks me up and puts me back together afterward. Anything goes during those spankings. I don't have to think. I can just let it all out and then the air is clear and everyone's happy again. If something major comes out, we can talk about it a lot more calmly after the stress has been dealt with!

Rose: It seems that most of our spankings include stress relief. That's often my first reaction to his spankings. My emotions and stress leave my body. There are often copious tears. Then I drift into the sensations of the spankings and float off into a lovely space...

Cameo: I’m with Rose. For me and Boss, when we have time, if it's not erotic, spankings are all too often stress relief rather than disciplinary. We both need it. We will probably need it MORE once things get organized better on his end. He works very hard at his job (he works for a major telecommunications firm in the CSR dept. where they are trying to shift him to training/supervisory). I'll be a stay at home mom with three kids underfoot (two of them teenagers, and one of THOSE with medical difficulties). Boy, do I EVER need stress-busters as much as he does!

Caia: Stress relief is a big one for me. It’s probably the primary reason for spanking around here. When I get stressed (which I do too often), I take it out on Sam. So, he might not come out and say I need some stress relief, but he will spank for letting my stress affect our relationship.

Usually, if he decides I am in need of a spanking, I don't agree right away. I usually end up fighting him. So, I get my anger and stress out by fighting him, then the spanking will wash it all away, especially if it brings me to tears.

Stress relief spankings leave me feeling very peaceful and loved. If I am sore afterward, the peace can last for several days. It's a wonderful thing :)

Jean Marie: We enjoy erotic spankings, foreplay of the foremost excellence, when all the sensations are sensual and leading inexorably to sex. The sex is inevitably passionate, aerobic, exhaustive and exhausting.

He enjoys administering punishment spankings, which are abrupt, painfully severe, chastising with the hand or implement to my seat, while harsh lecturing words berate my guilty conscience.

Our relationship benefits from stress-relieving spankings. Sometimes Kyle will tell me that I deserve one, pull me over his lap then and there (and we've been in some funny and/or public places at these times). But more often than not, I'll ask for it. Sometimes this will be couched in some transgressing act such as the brat misbehaving in some obvious way. But I've also boldly pulled my pants down, stuck my bare ass in his face, and announced that I simply but profoundly need a good spanking. Kyle has never let me down, or let me up, before my karma is cleansed, my face is bathed in tears, and my butt is very red.

The BEST is when he gives me a really thorough stress-buster, first with the hand and then with the belt. He holds me afterward so securely, kissing my tears away, caressing my injured pride and smarting fanny. We just evolve from cuddling and comforting to having a warm and fuzzy fuck.

So the short answer is YES. Stress-relieving spankings differ from other forms of discipline, and are an integral part of our relationship.

Patricia: Stress relief spankings are so much a part of our spanking life. I usually ask for them, but if he feels I am being overwhelmed he will suggest a "little play time" to get me back to normal. After so many years together, I usually agree, except for those times when the stress is coming in from all over. Usually he will say something and I'll answer, "Does it look like I'm in the mood for a spanking?” This results in me being put over his knee for an attitude adjustment, but it works for us. If anyone doesn't do stress relief spanking, I suggest that today would be a nice day to start.

Padme: We definitely do stress relief spankings. Friday night is an example. I was craving a spanking really bad. Master Anakin was very tired after being up early and a long week. Nothing sexual happened. It was just a few cane strokes and a nice stress relief spanking so we could both sleep better. He told me that it helps him to release the stress by spanking my ass.

I find if I haven't had a spanking in a week, I start to crave one to relief the stress that builds up.

Some spankings are discipline. Some are erotic. Some are fun. And some are just like Friday – stress relief spankings.

Bonnie: I liked the comments by Cuddlybum, Cameo, Padme, and Paul about stress relief spankings benefiting both partners. That’s been our experience too.

I normally deal with stress pretty effectively, but once in a while I just go into overload. When this happens, Randy suggests spanking therapy. As Patricia said, I generally agree. Regardless of how we get there, we find these stress relief spankings to be very beneficial.

For more thoughts, please see my Spanking 101 post.

Marie: In the end, all spankings relieve stress for me. Punishment spankings usually start out sharp, with no warm up. But when I have been mostly good, but maybe a little grumpy, he knows I need to be spanked to relieve the stress before I turn into a real brat. Then the spanking starts out slow and warm as an over his knee hand spanking. My panties even stay up at first. Eventually we move on to the bare and use the paddle and maybe even the belt. I am spared the cane. I hate it and I get it only when I am being punished.

Tigger: We do use stress relief spankings! In fact, I needed one just the other morning. I don't know what it was, but I just needed a spanking when I woke up. Of course, weekday mornings can be a little hectic, but while we were having breakfast, I mentioned to my hubby that I needed a spanking. I thought he'd say that he'll keep that in mind and give me one that night, like he usually does. But he surprised me by telling me to go into the bedroom and bend over the bed after we finished eating breakfast.

In the bedroom, I got another surprise. He took out our big sorority-style paddle, and my eyes went a little wide at that and my pulse skipped a beat too! I got twenty-five good smacks with the paddle, after which my bottom was all hot and stinging pleasantly. I jumped up and gave him a big hug and a sexy kiss. I sooo needed that spanking! *sigh*

I'm not sure how they really differ from other spankings he gives me, other than they're not necessarily always erotic. But stress relief spankings definitely do wonders for me, I can tell you that! After one, I feel completely and totally relaxed, and way less stressed than I did before!

Paul: Stress relief spankings are an important part of any spanko couple’s program. They don't always end with sex, though mostly. They’re not as severe as punishment, though often longer and harder than attitude adjustment spankings. Stress relief spankings, finally and best, offer relief for both partners. After all, stress can be very contagious.

Thanks, everyone! See you next week!

Keywords: spanking, stress relief spanking, spanko, spanking brunch

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Sept 26

Our topic was stress relief spankings. Here are your thoughts.

HAL: Yes, we do use spanking for stress relief. The main difference is that I ask for it, rather than being 'sentenced' to it! LOL I also get to choose the implement and position, which is never allowed when it is for discipline purposes. I can also say when it is enough. So I guess I have more power in that situation. There are times when my partner will tell me that I need a stress relief spanking. I usually agree.

Hermione: I like to be spanked when I am feeling stressed, and the benefit is either reduction or elimination of said stress.

The spanking itself isn't any different, although my mindset is. I am expecting to be purged of my inner turmoil, so that's usually the result. It also sometimes happens that I may request a stress-relief spanking during the week rather than wait for our regularly-scheduled weekend session.

Ken: Oh yes! We utilize a 'Notice of Discipline' form (much like a 'Detention Notice' still used in many schools). My Lady can issue a notice any time she feels that I have earned a spanking.

However, I too can fill one out and hand it to my Lady when I feel I need a 'stress-relief' spanking. It's sort of a variation on the classic Dorthea Spencer Spanking Plan!

Katia: I think stress reliever spankings rate with GG's. When I receive a stress reliever, it helps to release all of that pent up crap I was storing away. All seems right again. It differs from the other spankings because you usually ask for these types of spankings. It's your choice.

Anon: All of our spankings are stress relievers. I usually have to ask to be spanked as my wife is not into it as much as I am. This weekend she did start the process by bringing the implements to our couch. So maybe she is getting the hang of this fun time...

Prefectdt: I am not currently in a relationship, but I would say that nearly all of the spankings that I receive result in stress avoidance rather than relief. The spankings help me to cope better with life, anticipate stressful situations, and reduce the stress that any situation can cause.

Bonnie: For Randy and me, stress relief spankings are somewhat distinct in purpose and execution. Often, he decides that a stress relief spanking is necessary. I almost always comply because history has demonstrated that he is usually correct. Occasionally, I will ask.

I am usually positioned over furniture like the back of the couch. Sometimes, I will lie on the bed over a pile of pillows. In any case, it's not OTK. I associate that position with connection and ultimately, with erotic spankings. For stress relief, I want to be alone in my own head for a while. The spanking itself is always on my bare skin from the beginning. There may be a warm-up, but it doesn't last very long. Randy typically employs a heavy percussive implement like a wooden paddle or brush.

I need this sort of spanking to hurt. The immediate, intense pain is what it takes to reboot my emotions. The actual spanking can be fairly brief in duration (though it may seem endless to me while it's happening). When Randy determined the harsh medicine has had the desired effect, he gathers me up and embraces me. We usually make love, but sometimes not until later.

After a stress relief spanking, I feel light and energetic for at least the next day. I smile easily and aggravate slowly. Given the option, I'll gladly choose a throbbing backside over a worried head every time!

Wolfsmate: Though I am new, I have found that almost any spanking helps relieve some sort of stress. I don't sure I understand the "why's" yet, but I know some of what I feel.

Welcome, Wolfsmate!

Barely Pink: I feel amazing after a stress-relief spanking, all purged and cleansed and ready to take on more for the week.

It doesn't differ much from a "good girl" spanking except that he stops when he senses my complete relaxation. It sometimes lasts longer or shorter, depending on what's on my mind.

The funny thing is that I usually don't recognize that a spanking is what's needed. Dr. D prescribes and administers them as he sees fit – and he hasn't been wrong so far!

Loki: Stress relief spankings are something that I would like to do with my wife and housemate. There are many times when that would be needed, as we three are at most times pretty stressed out due to our jobs and such.

Thank you to everyone who joined in our brunch! For anyone who missed it, we'll be back here next week and every week.

Spanking 101: Stress Relief

Life is stressful. For most of us, there’s simply no escaping that reality. All of us sometimes find ourselves with too much work and too little time. Shortcuts are taken. Mistakes are made. Misunderstandings occur. The result is a feeling of overwhelming anxiety. At this stage, even minor events can loom large.

When these kinds of troubles arise, successful people find a way to work through them. Some exercise at a gym. Some run. Others escape with a book, a movie, or even a vacation. In all of these cases, the key elements are to step away from the stressful situation and channel nervous energy in a more productive direction. At our house, we use spanking as a means of stress relief.

I have a great job and, most days, I love it. However, I work with people who have a remarkable ability to drive me crazy. If I’m already feeling emotionally sensitive, even small comments can push me over the edge. Rather than scream at a thoughtless boor, I choose to bring my problem home. My dear husband, Randy, has a wonderful treatment that drains the stress from my body.

A well executed stress relief spanking is loving, but not necessarily erotic. It’s harsh, but not punitive. Although any position can be used, Randy most often likes to bend me over the back of the couch. He claims there are fewer distractions than with the classic OTK position, thus allowing both of us to concentrate fully upon the matter at hand. He tends to spank with a wooden paddle or hairbrush. He believes that the jarring impact of a rigid implement is the most effective method for breaking through my resistance. A stress relief spanking is, by necessity, very hard and very painful. At these times, I find that I can accept far more punishment that in most other scenarios. My bottom is often sore for a couple of days afterward. Nevertheless, I am most grateful for my stress relief spankings. I really need them once in a while. They restore balance, sanity, and perspective. I think of it as rebooting my emotions.

For Randy and me, a stress relief spanking is generally followed by intercourse. Even so, the actual spanking doesn’t seem much like a turn-on at the time. Once the proceedings are concluded, however, I inevitably find myself very much in the mood for lovemaking. If the purpose of the spanking is to clear the chaos, the sex that follows serves to re-establish order.

For at least a day or so, I feel considerably lighter, happier, more relaxed, and less burdened. My challenges remain the same, but I am more focused. I am also more cooperative and communicative as well.

Stress relief spankings obviously aren’t for everyone. Similarly, there are many problems simply cannot be resolved through spanking. But if you’re a spanko who battles stress, this might be just the remedy you need.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 22

Our question of the week was as follows.

It has been one week since you last spanked or were spanked, what are your feelings?

1. I'm thrilled that I spanked/got spanked just a week ago!
2. I'm proud that I've made it through an entire week without needing to spank/be spanked
3. I'm glad because that last week's spanking was horrible for both of us
4. I'm confused because I thought we would be spanking more often
5. I'm disappointed because I miss our spankings
6. I'm anxious because we've had no stress relief
7. I'm apathetic because we haven't had our motivational sessions
8. I'm unhappy because we didn't get what we need to function as a couple
9. I feel none of these because this schedule is normal for us
10. I feel something else...

Here are your responses.

Sara: I think I will go with 8. I'm unhappy because we didn't get what we need to function as a couple.

We have a whole lot of work stress and family stress going on all at once, and while I think (?) I was spanked maybe four or five days ago, there's no spanking able to happen for the next few days. It's become such an important tool for connection for us, and it's hard when we can't do what we need to.

I hope YOU get what you need soon!

Six of the Best: If I don't spank a naughty lady on the bare bottom once a week, I feel my week was a loss. But I try my best to double the pleasure the following week. This jumps my sexual erotic pleasure greatly.

Hedone: Up until the last ten days or so, I was not getting regular spankings. I craved them. My partner wanted to spank me badly but our situation, timing, and commitments left us no time. I would go for two or three weeks without a spanking. So I will answer based on those feelings. Now I get a spanking two or three times a week. KinkyGent would like to spank me daily.

My answer is 8. I'm unhappy because we didn't get what we need to function as a couple.

Steel Rose: Work, life and other commitments have interfered with spanking. This isn't the end of the world, because I'm learning that DD is so much more than spanking when a few words from him brings obedience. But still, I would say I'm a 6. I'm anxious because we've had no stress relief.

Nick: 9. Our schedule is varied, but a week between spankings for the girl is about a minimum. The last time was Thursday. The next time I see her will be Thursday. The girl is worth waiting for. I just need to find a way for the pain to last all week. :)

Rogue: For me, it's a combination of 6) anxious because I've had no stress relief which leaves us both 8) unhappy we didn't get to function as a couple.

Velvet: It's a combination of 5 and 9 for me. 9 applies because we rarely see each other more than once a week and spanking may not be in the cards when we do meet as we enjoy lots of other fun things too. 5 applies because although it's normal for us to be apart, I still feel disappointed as I love the physical contact. I miss both him and the spanking.

Uncle Nick: I would probably feel pleased that I had a quiet week without madam being her usual provocative self.

Raven Red: It's number 10 for me.
I had a paddling last week - and I fear the paddle the most. So I am relieved that it is over. Because it is attached to a diet, I am already panicking about not making my target this week. I truly do not want to be paddled again soon.

Hermione: I would say 9. This schedule is normal for us, and also 1 because I'm thrilled that I got spanked just a week ago. I'm looking forward to the next one which will happen very soon.

Anon #1: It's about time for another spanking! :)

S.N.M.: Well, that certainly made my week. Let's see if we can try for at least twice over the next seven days.

Just a Girl: Although this schedule is rather normal for us, it makes me pout and we try to get together more often. When it is a week or more, I am a combination of 5) disappointed and pouty, 6) because I feel lost without his physical control and 8) because we connect so well.

I'm heading into another period of drought that may last more than a week and I'm already anxious. Boo!

Daisy: I am afraid its 9 and 10 for me. We are still living in different countries, so 9 is the one. As a result, I also feel disconnected, lonely, sad, and adrift. But I hang onto the hope that it will not be too much longer... within another year?

Jean Marie: #11 I feel something else - intense grief for the unexpected death of my dear lover. He spanks me almost every night as a prelude to sex. If I have a late after-school activity, and we can't squeeze in a brief tanning and a quickie, we make up for it the next night with a barn-burner of a session. I'm a lucky, happy girl who is convinced that sitting comfortably is vastly over-rated.

JM, our hearts go out to you in your time of loss. May the search you now begin lead to peace and closure.

Lea: 1. I'm thrilled that I got spanked just a week ago! 5. I'm disappointed because I miss our spankings. And this week I'm really feeling 6. I'm anxious because we've had no stress relief.

Mockingbird: It's definitely 6. I get very anxious and moody if I go a whole week without my husband spanking me. It's a huge stress relief for him too.

Anne: 6, definitely 6. I find I need the stress relief that a spanking gives both of us. I asked him last night when he thought he might spank me again, but he was very non-comittal. :-(

Make Mine Red: It would mostly be #5 "I'm disappointed because I miss our spankings" for me. That definitely sums it up. I like two to three a week, so once a week is disappointing and I definitely miss it!

Bree: Number 1 for me.

Anon #2: I would worry that my partner found another woman to spank! So when I next saw her, I would have to confront the bitch.

Ronnie: It would be a combination of number 5 and 8 for me.

Pink: Mine is a combination of 1 and 9. I'm thrilled that I was spanked just a week ago, but also that it's normal for us. I won't ever take my relationship for granted. I always feel fortunate to have been spanked, and look forward to the time that D and I can be together. Would I like it more? Of course! But it's just not possible, with our distance and schedules.

Prefectdt: I have to go with number 1. Spankings do not happen that often for me. Four times in a year is pretty average. More than that and I am a very happy bunny indeed. One week is not all that long and usually I have played hard enough to still feel a few twinges when I sit after only one week, which is nice.

Michelle Carlyle: 5) I waaaannnnnaaa be spanked! Where is he? Actually, I was on vacation with my cousin, he's been working hard and playing hard. But not fucking me hard. BUMMER. Soon, hopefully, and definitely something to look forward to. Yay! Sex and spanking in my future! (wish is was NOW)

Anon #3: I totally miss it when I don't get my spanking so I'll go with #5. Having my bare bottom over his knee and feeling the much needed discipline is what I crave. The long lasting twinges that go on all evening are even better. Reminds me why I was over his knee in the first place.

Bonnie: Sometimes I forget that my dear husband, Randy, reads this blog. He decided that my answer should be changed to #11 – Not applicable. And so it is...

Thanks for joining us again. I hope to see you all next weekend!

Spanking 101: A Basic Spanko Glossary

I think it’s time for a tutorial, but I want to try something a little different. Here is a very basic spanking glossary.

---

Aftercare - As the name suggests, aftercare is a process where a spanker and spankee re-establish positive physical contact immediately following a spanking. Aftercare can be as simple as a hug, but it can also be considerably more involved. The purpose is to smooth the spankee’s transition from harsh pain to loving support.

Bottom - One of many words used to describe the part of the anatomy upon which the blows of a spanking are generally inflicted. This term is also sometimes used to refer to a person who accepts a spanking.

Consent - Consent is the essential prerequisite to any spanking. It may be explicit (“Yes, you may spank me”) or implicit (such as a pre-arranged understanding). But without consent, spanking becomes an unwanted and illegal physical attack.

Corner Time - A popular ritual, commonly associated with punishment, where the spankee is required to stand facing a corner before, during a break from, or after a spanking session. The purpose is generally to encourage reflection about misdeeds. It may also trigger feelings of remorse or embarrassment. During corner time, the spankee’s bottom is typically bare and on full display.

Crying - Many spankees respond to the pain and/or the physical release of a spanking through tears. Crying is often cathartic and can help to break down emotional barriers. As with many aspects of spanking, the crying response varies greatly by individual. Some spankees seldom, if ever, cry during a spanking. Others cry only afterward. Some almost always cry when they are spanked. All of these are normal reactions.

Discipline Spanking - This term refers to a spanking given for the purpose of correction and/or re-establishing dominance. Discipline spankings generally occur within relationships where one partner has been designated as being dominant (or in the case of domestic discipline, head of household). The other, submissive, partner may receive a discipline spanking when they fail to behave in the manner prescribed by the dominant. Discipline spankings are often relatively severe, short in duration, and may be accompanied by other corrective measures.

Domestic Discipline - Domestic discipline is an arrangement where one partner assumes a leadership role known as head of household. The other partner is expected to respect the HOH and accept their direction. Failure to follow the instructions of the HOH may be dealt with in a punitive fashion, often involving spanking.

Dominant - A person who assumes a superior role within a relationship.

Erotic Spanking - A spanking whose purpose is foreplay or augmentation of sexual relations. Many couples enjoy spankings as a prelude to sex.

Head of Household - The leader in a domestic discipline relationship.

Implement - An object used for spanking. There are many types including paddles, crops, canes, brushes, straps, and floggers. Each class of implement has unique characteristics which make them appropriate for different situations and purposes. One common scale for assessing implements is “stingy” (generates sharp pain at the skin level) versus thuddy (yields a deep, penetrating ache).

Kink - A generic term that refers to many types of unconventional sexual activities or lifestyles, but especially BDSM. Spanking is one very popular kink.

Maintenance Spanking - The purpose of a maintenance spanking (sometimes referred to as a "regular") is to maintain order and tranquility. It is often scheduled in advance and is not associated with any specific offense.

OTK - Over The Knee. Despite its apparent anatomical specificity, this acronym is actually used to describe any position where the spankee is draped across the lap of the spanker. The spanker may be seated in a chair or at the edge of a bed, bench, or sofa.

Pain - Pain is a part of every spanking and each spankee approaches it in their own way. Some embrace the pain. Some try to deny or minimize it. Still others hold on until their natural endorphins arrive. For most couples, pain is not the objective, but rather a means to an end.

Pervertible - A spanking implement adapted from some other, presumably vanilla, purpose.

Position - In this context, the term refers to the physical orientation of the spankee during a spanking. There are many alternatives available. Couples often enjoy experimenting with various positions.

Punishment Spanking - A spanking delivered for the purpose of correcting a misdeed. In some cases, the warm-up beforehand and sex afterward may be omitted in order to re-establish order or make a point.

Restraint - This term refers to any method used to limit the movement of the spankee. It may consist of classic bondage, such as rope restraints or furniture, but restraint can also be as simple as a handkerchief tied around the wrists. Whatever the form, extra care is needed to ensure the well-being of the spankee throughout the session.

Ritual - A ceremonialized series of activities that amplify the significance of the spanking. Participants often find that introducing the elements of ritual into their spankings cause them to become more meaningful. Examples of rituals include fetching the implement, counting, and corner time.

Role Play - Role play provides a structure for couples to explore their fantasies. By pretending to be other characters, such as a cheerleader, pirate, schoolmaster, or maid, couples can step away from their own familiar roles and try something new.

Safeword - A safeword is a word or phrase which, when spoken by either participant, will cause a session to halt or end. Safewords are essential for ensuring the well-being of the spankee. They can also serve the spanker by preventing him or her from going too far.

Severity - The severity of a spanking is often linked to the intensity and duration of the session. However, a better measure is the physical and emotional impact it has upon the recipient. From this perspective, relatively mild spankings can, in some circumstances, be devastating while even brutal spankings can other times seem quite tolerable. A expert spanker perceives his or her spankee’s reactions and adapts appropriately.

Sit Spots - As the name implies, this is the portion of the bottom that comes in contact with a chair while seated. Spankers often direct special attention to these two areas.

Spanking - A series of sharp blows to the bottom given for the purposes of punishment, discipline, correction, stress reduction, sexual foreplay, or play.

Spanking Blog - A web log that contains content concerning spanking enthusiasts, techniques, situations, and other topics of interest.

Spanking Model - A spanking model is a person who is filmed and/or photographed while depicting or participating in spankings and related activities.

Spankee - The recipient of a spanking.

Spanker - One who spanks.

Spanko - Slang term for a spanking enthusiast. This is probably a shortened version of the word spankophile.

Stress Relief Spanking - A spanking that is administered for the purpose of reducing tension. Such spankings are sometime relatively severe and delivered quickly without much ritual or warm-up. For other spankees, stress relief spankings work best when they build more gradually. With either approach, the objective is the same.

Submissive - A person who assumes a dependent or follower role within a relationship.

Switch - Someone who has an interest in both spanking others and being spanked. The term also refers to a small, freshly cut, flexible tree branch that is used as a spanking implement.

Vanilla - A vanilla is a slang term for a person who lacks interest in spanking or other kinks. It is not a derogatory word, just a statement of fact.

Warm-up - A comparatively light spanking that precedes the main portion of a session. Many spankees find that they can tolerate far more spanking activity if they are properly warmed up first. This is the reason why many spankers begin with their hand before introducing implements.

---

I considered about twenty more words, but I eventually decided that this project needed to be a blog post rather than a book. So here you are…

Leap of Faith

Late yesterday evening, Randy decided that I needed a stress relief spanking. I could hardly argue. It was a challenging week at work and I was worried about an event we are attending tonight. Unlike many of the spankings at our house, stress relief spankings are definitely not all fun. We both know that to be effective, a stress relief spanking needs to be pretty severe. I have no idea why a few well placed swats doesn’t have the same restorative effect, but that’s just not how it works.

He sent me upstairs to our bedroom with instructions to strip and lie face down on the bed. I followed his commands to the letter. As I was quickly undressing, I both dreaded the pain and hopefully anticipated the spiritual liberation that follows.

No sooner had taken my position than my man appeared in the doorway. When he spoke, his tone was direct, but sympathetic. “Let’s take care of this, honey.” He approached me and began to massage my back. I was so nervous that I jumped at his touch. His hands were reassuring, but I too wanted to get past the hard part.

After a minute or two of rubbing, I felt a very different sensation. His gentle hand became suddenly rigid as it slapped my bottom for the first time. Again it fell upon the other side. The swats were hard, but not unpleasantly so. Soon, Randy adopted a familiar alternating rhythm. It dawned upon me that he was actually giving me a warm-up. I had long suspected the man had never heard of the concept, but here it was.

After about five minutes of these purposeful hand spanks, my bottom felt toasty warm. It had that nice sting too. On another night, this might have been a fine prelude to coital bliss. But I knew that he knew that I needed something more. Fortunately or unfortunately, he didn’t make me wait long.

“We’re going to try something new tonight.” Randy declared. This statement momentarily replaced my concern with curiosity. What could he possibly do to me that we haven’t already tried twice? Before I could formulate a theory, he produced a bungee cord. It wasn’t the kind people use to jump off of cliffs (though I would indeed soon be jumping). This bungee was the short variety used for securing objects in transit. This novel implement, I thought, could be real trouble.


Randy folded the cable in half with the hook-ends in his hand. He placed his left hand upon the center of my lower back, presumably to brace me for the imminent onslaught. Snap! The bungee loop bit into my skin with a ferocious burn. Before I could recover, it hit again. After four or five of these flaming attacks, I became frantic. This was more than I could handle. The pain was intense and escalating. Randy, to his credit, held me down and persevered. I knew I needed a spanking, just not this spanking. Had I been allowed to escape, I might have done so. In all, I probably absorbed twenty blows from the cord before Randy deemed my spanking to be sufficient. Yeow! I don’t doubt neighbors two blocks away heard my wails.

When it was all over, Randy held me close as I buried my face in his chest. He had hurt me, but he fixed me too. My spirit was now light. The weight of the world was gone. I had the overwhelming sensation of relief and freedom. For whatever reason, I started to giggle. I imagine Randy thought I was insane, but it was a natural expression of my delight.

We made tender love under the covers. He was so sweet and gentle with me. It amazes me sometimes this one man can play so many different roles in my life. Everyday, I am grateful for his love, his guidance, his insight, his imagination, his mind, and of course, his body. I am totally his, but he is also mine. It’s a fine arrangement.

When we finished, I got out of bed to use the bathroom. As I walked away, Randy nervously said, “Um, Bon, you probably ought to take a peek in the mirror.” When I did, I saw as nasty a collection of bottom marks as I can remember. I had crescent-shaped welts all over. They were the color of the page you are now reading! As I ran my hand over them, I could feel how the skin was noticeably raised. Even a light touch brought back the intense burning sensation. Ouch!

This morning, those marks have faded some, but they are still quite evident. What’s worse is the fact that they burn, itch, and ache all at once! I really got the works last night. On the positive side of the ledger, I’m smiling today and my cares have been banished to a place far away.

Randy fussed over me a bit this morning. He was afraid that he had overdone it. I will admit my derriere feels a tad overdone, but he knew precisely what I needed and gave it to me. For that, I am most thankful.

Keywords: spanking, erotic spanking, spanking stories

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Aug 1

Our topic of the week was how to judge the effectiveness of a spanking. Here are your thoughts.

Our Bottoms Burn: Becall says when the spankee is satisfied. I countered with what about the spankor? I guess when it's a mutual satisfaction, it's most effective.

Kimmie: If it's for fun, then it's when both are happily satisfied, great!

If it's disciplinary, once the spankee has shown true remorse. This usually means taking her past her limit (consensual, of course). Once she feels relieved and forgiven by herself and the Spanker, then I think it has been effective.

Six of the Best: There are two types of spankings that can be given. One is the loving kind and the other the punishment kind. The reactions may be different, For the loving kind, I am sure there are lots of "Ahs." For the punishment kind, there may be plenty of "Ooh, that hurt!”

Prefectdt: The more effective the spanking is, the deeper it gets me into subspace. It's a simple formula but it works for me.

Hermione: A spanking has been effective if my bottom is red, hot and throbbing, and I feel both exhausted and exhilarated.

OnHerKnee: Everyone has made valid points, but I suppose one aspect that should not be forgotten is the intensity of the aftercare.

Whether I am spanked or spanker, when a spanking was effective, the intensity of the aftercare makes us forget about everything and time stands still.

SatyrLover: Spanking, in our case, always leads to intense love-making. Still, the deeper the red of the cheeks and the hotter the flesh, the more successful.

Dioneo: If disciplinary, the more effective the spanking, the longer it will be before the spankee needs to put back over your lap. If it's erotic, the more effective the spanking, the sooner she throws herself over again.

Em: Wow! There are so many types of spankings and they can all be so different. It's difficult to come up with an answer that suits them all.

I think I'd have to say that a spanking has been effective when both parties have reached their desired mental/emotional place.

I've often found that my experience of a spanking is much more tied to my emotional state than the physical one. So while some spankings may aim to arouse while others exist to share a bit of fun, and still others have a goal of discipline or punishment - all are successful when I've reached wherever I needed to be emotionally.

Very hard prolonged spankings can sometimes be erotic, and there are times when a gentle spanking can be a worse punishment than a much harsher one. It all depends on so much more than the physical application of force, response (tears, promises, etc), and results (tenderness, marks, etc).

A'marie: If it's for pure enjoyment purposes, as soon as I've thought, "Damn, that's gonna smart tomorrow" with a smile on my face, we're good to go. ;)

~Make Mine Red~: It's been effective when we're both really turned on! I also like it when the heat and the redness last through the lovemaking. These are the ones that are most satisfying and that leave me looking forward to the next time :)

Anon #1: When I'm left with that good liquid feeling. It's not quite the same as a multiple orgasm, but just as satisfying in its own way.

Anon #2: The best spankings are those where it takes a couple to a few days to fully recover. If two or three days after the spanking I feel tingling when I rub or squeeze my bottom, I know I have had a great spanking. Also, the "want" for another spanking does not come back for awhile.

R Humphries: As a partner in a role-playing spanking relationship (as opposed to a D/D relationship), I guess I judge the ‘effectiveness’ of our sessions by (i) the intimacy both during and in the immediate aftermath of the play, (ii) by our desire to discuss, recall, laugh and joke about the play during the subsequent days, and of course, (iii) from the spanker's point of view, MBJ’s enthusiasm for us to stage our next event.

Bonnie: I agree that any measure of effectiveness has to relate to the purpose for the spanking. For example, a stress relief paddling must achieve precisely that. The measure of a foreplay spanking is, quite naturally, the richness of the sex that follows.

With that said, there are some experiences that I universally associate with a positive spanking experience.

1. A spanking is most effective when I am in a receptive frame of mind. This can be achieved through any combination of spanking banter, rubbing my target, delivering a prolonged warm-up, or instituting favorite rituals.
2. A spanking must hurt, and more than a little, while it's happening. Ideally, it should seem like more than I want at the moment, but create vivid memories for later.
3. I am seldom completely satisfied with a spanking that is not accompanied by some form of lovemaking. Sex is not the reason for the spanking and spanking is not the reason for the sex. But they do go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
4. When I lift myself from Randy's lap (or wherever I have been bent over), my hands always go straight to my bare punished cheeks. The act of rubbing strangely soothes the burn even as it brings out more hurt. Within a few seconds, I am able to assess the extent of the damage and, hence, the severity of the spanking I've just received.
5. There's also the “mirror test.” I like to admire my marks while they last.
6. Aftercare is lovely and always welcome.
7. Feeling that residual ouch when I sit hours later is a special treat. Randy often concentrates his efforts along the lower slopes of my bottom with precisely this intent. When I sense that discomfort, my mind races. “Ooo, I got spanked!” I remind myself as my hand involuntarily travels to the source of the ache. At that moment, arousing memories fill my consciousness.
8. Finally, there's that delicious afterglow. For those who haven't experienced this sensation, I would describe it as a feeling of lightness and well-being. I am left contented for the rest of the day and sometimes longer.

Barely Pink: It all depends. I very recently received a stress relief spanking and one crack of the paddle had me releasing all of my anxiety, tears, stress, and pain of the week. Just one stroke. It was unbelievable and oh, so effective.

Other times, for discipline, I judge the effectiveness by my willingness to make that same mistake again. If I'm willing to risk another spanking for the same behavior, I guess it wasn't too effective of a spanking!

And for pleasure, well, it's a very effective spanking if he has me gyrating over his knee.

So ends another enjoyable community brunch. Thank you to everyone who participated. For those who didn't but wish they had, you'll be just as welcome next week!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 21

Our topic this week was crying. Here are your responses.

Reece Seever: I love this topic -- I just wish my answer changed over time. One of the reasons I was compelled to try spankings of the DD variety was the morbid fascination I felt when reading accounts of F/M spankings that led to the man sobbing after a hard paddling or caning. The thought of being reduced to that, and of submitting that thoroughly, terrifies but also fascinates and compels me. But, alas, it has not happened so far, and I wonder if it ever will.

Hermione: I have never cried before, during or after a spanking. Nor has my husband, to the best of my knowledge. The only tears that ever come to my eyes are the result of laughing too hard.

Elle: It's happened only twice in the last nine months, and not from pain.

Janey: Not very often do I cry. I don't think it's the pain, I can take a very hard spanking without crying. I think it's something more to do with how upset or perhaps disappointed I think he is with me at the time.

Tricia: I don't cry very often. When I do, it's either because of upset from disappointing my Hubby or stress relief.

I COULD cry now if I think about it too much because I have a terribly sore bottom from two pretty bad but well-deserved spankings. :(

Our Bottoms Burn: What Hermione said.

Abby: I rarely cry, very rarely. When I do shed tears it is usually after a punishment spanking, when we are talking about the why it happened and what has to change.

Cali Mom: I'm like Hermione too, although I'm intrigued by the thought of crying in a stress relief spanking.

Hobbes: No tears , just pleas, negotiations, yelps, howls, and promises. But no crying. Boring, I guess, for some, but not for us.

*Bonnie*: I have never cried from a spanking. We spank for fun. :)

Roz: I never used to cry and don't very often, but the incidence of crying seems to have increased recently for some reason.

For me, it's the combination of the pain, the intensity of the moment and the emotion, particularly if it is a discipline spanking. It's good to get the release of emotion from crying.

Prefectdt: I have never cried during a spanking. The isolation of corner time, after a spanking, can turn on the taps though.

S.: No. Tears can be brought on by the indignity of being OTK with a bare bottom, but that's just where I like to be if it is, and it always is, D's knee. Some may cry from their smarting bottom, but for me it is a pleasure.

Dee: I very rarely cry. It's difficult to produce a tear much less anything else. Those times when I have cried, it's been mainly from allowing myself to let go. So I guess it's a stress reliever for me. It's something I would like to be able to do more often because of its calming effect but also because it's part of my spanko fantasies. :)

Anon #1: I have never cried before, during or after a spanking - although often fantasize about being brought to tears by a spanking. I am more likely to cry when we have soft, gentle loving sex and I become overwhelmed by the emotional feelings of being loved by this wonderful man.

lunaKM: I have cried during a spanking. It's usually a pain processing response and is a release valve for intense sessions. It's not often, but it feels good to just let your body respond however it needs to.

But there are other times where I've requested a spanking in order to relieve stress and deal with the mess of life. During these spanking sessions, the goal is to cry, sob, scream and let it all out. It doesn't mean I'm having a bad time. In fact, it means it's working.

I feel purified when those sessions are done, just refreshed and worry free again.

Crying, for me, muddles my ability to focus on my other responses and to really enjoy the spanking. I don't stop it happening because my body must need it and I don't stop natural responses to pain and play when they happen. But I prefer not to cry.

Ronnie: I have never cried before, during or after a spanking.

Anon #2: I rarely get spanked to the point of tears, probably because my husband doesn't spank me quite as long or hard as he could.

Houston Switch: I have never shed tears as an adult being spanked. I came close a few times. I'll be looking for that perfect spanking when it happens.

Marie Pinkerton: We don't spank for the tears. That's not what spanking is for us.

Jenny: Never to tears, though I want to experience that.

Tara: I have cried from the pain, but only a bit and only just recently. I want to have a storm of emotional release, but I can't quite get there. I've cried afterward though while he hugged me. I think we laugh during spankings more often.

Clint: My wife has cried from a spanking before, however it's extremely rare. She has a very high pain tolerance and therefore doesn't usually cry from the pain of the spanking, regardless of how intense it is.

If she does cry, which again is rare, it's from the guilt that she feels in that moment. She feels bad if she perceives me as being disappointed in her, or if she feels her actions have negatively impacted our family.

My wife would probably be better suited to answer your final question, but from my perspective as the HoH in our marriage, I believe that crying enhances the spanking. It's more therapeutic for my wife to release those emotions, and her crying really intensifies the emotional bonding experience between the two of us.

Loki Darksong: There are those occasions when my wife has broken out into tears during a spanking. She said that it was not on account of the pain. Some crying had occurred during moderate level spankings. But her tears fall when she feels relaxed enough for them to come. She told me that she dislikes crying because it makes her look weak. However, she also knows that there are times when she has to cry in order to relieve all the stress that she keeps bottled up inside.

For myself, I have never cried during a spanking. As both male and a top, I have learned that some in the spanking community tend to frown upon this, with many female bottoms and subs being the most vocal. It is a shame. I find myself feeling very envious of those who can cry while in the midst of a spanking. It does sound like quite an experience.

Belle L: I learned early on to hold back my tears. My father would get angry and critical when we cried. I only saw him cry three times (when his sister died, when his father died, and once when he went out with relatives and came home drunk). I have been a nurse for many years, and I have had to hold back tears. My tears usually come when I am alone or when I feel very safe. I tend to cry more with expressions of compassion than with threats or actual punishment. Sometimes I will cry watching a movie when I wouldn't cry in real life. The only time I continued to cry and couldn't stop was when the doctor told me my husband would most likely die before the night was up. I feel as though I would have cried forever if things hadn't gotten better. My husband doesn't cry when he spanks me, but he does use a lot of reasons not to spank me.

Bonnie: I cry very, very rarely. Almost never in fact. When it happens, it's a complete surprise to both of us. I think this response arises not from the pain of a spanking, but from a sense of being suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed and out of control.

It's difficult for me to reflect further because it happens so seldom. As a funny side note, I cry all the time at movies and even dopey TV shows. Spankings, though, are somehow different and I don't know why.

Thank you, everyone, for this great turnout and excellent exchange of ideas. See you next week!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 27

Our topic this week was tears. Here are your responses.

Spanking Photo Blog: When I make mischief, my Master gives me a remedial spanking depending upon the seriousness of my behavior. On these occasions, I usually cry during and after the punishment. I guess it's due to a mix of discipline and regret for not being able to meet the expectations of my Master.

Mr. BB: As an HoH/spanker, I find that tears during disciplinary spankings come more naturally from disappointment and pain. Emotionally, all tears can be cathartic and stress relieving.

Klara: I cry every time that my spanker uses the cane. This instrument represents for me the worst punishment imaginable. Therefore, I start to whimper even before the first stroke. I guess it's because I fear the cane. Each hit, for me, is torture. And during the period of time between blows, my legs shake like a leaf.

Fondles: I've only cried once towards the climax of a stress relief, grounding or centering spanking session. BIKSS did continue despite the fact that it was the first time he'd seen me shed tears from a spanking. We both felt that I had been so bottled up emotionally that it wasn't too much of a surprise.

When we have a "discussion" of missteps or when we're sorting through some hurt or argument, the forgiveness I feel from him at the end will ALWAYS leave me in tears. It comes both from having disappointed him, and being relieved at having a resolution and being back in sync.

Hermione: I have never cried before, during or after, unless you count tears that are the result of laughing too hard.

Elle: I've only had tears once. It was a release from knowing that I disappointed him (and myself!). :)

Sir Q's mlb: Different spankings, different reactions. Typically, it is simply a huge silly-grin on my face when we are done. That, or I'm sailing off into space. :)

I have cried, but it has been on rare occasions. Typically, it's been when I was stressed beyond reason and the tears weren't associated with the spanking so much as the emotions that were causing the stress.

Reece Seever: Unfortunately, no. While the thought of it terrifies me, I think that kind of cathartic release would an experience.

Abby Sage: I rarely cry, but I wish I did. I find it hard to let go in that manner. I find that rage comes as a defence sometimes, but it does not last. When his strength and will overcomes mine, I can endure what he gives me and find only peace. I should like to cry, but I think focusing on tears is less likely to encourage them.

Dr. Ken: I never try to spank someone to tears. Most of the spankings I give are of the "just because it's fun," or maybe a few mock punishments (or "funishment"). But bringing someone to tears is never the goal. There have been a couple of times when it might have brought a tear or two to someone's eye, but almost never to full-out crying. That's just not what I'm about.

Joeyred: I have never had a female cry during or after a spanking. Many times, we are laughing and just having a fun time.

I have had tears well up in my eyes from the intensity of a hard caning. But, I cannot say that I cried during the spanking.

Hobbes: We are with Hermione. The only tears around here are the rare occasions when we are laughing so hard tears come. There have been a few rather ridiculous spanking situations that had us both laughing hard.

Tricia: I have cried a few times afterward. It was mostly from the thought of how much I disappointed him. :(

Jake: A while back, my wife Joy requested that I spank her to the point of tears. It actually took a couple tries for us to get there. She took far more spanking than I thought she ever could, and I was frankly up against my own personal limit for hurting her before the dam burst. It not something we've repeated, but it's come up a time or two in late night conversations...

Loki Darksong: On a few occasions, my wife has shed tears from some of my spankings. As for me, it has not happened yet. But I am curious on how it would feel to do so. I am envious a bit of women when they shed tears. I understand that it is a liberating experience.

Lady Koregan: Some of the men I've spanked cry, others do not. PC always cries both during and for a little while after a discipline spanking. His tears are partly from the pain and partly from remorse.

I have had others cry simply because it hurt and few, but not many, just let out a flood of pent-up stress, emotion, and frustration. But then I've had some who take very intense spankings and never shed a single tear. People are so wonderfully unique. :)

S: No way. I'm far too excited about what is happening to my upturned bottom, and the thoughts of what will probably happen next, to start blubbering. Anyway, it would spoil my make-up.

Simon: I have never cried during a session. Once, my Mistress decided that she would try to punish me until I cried, but she eventually gave up because the damage to my bottom was becoming too severe. Since I am taking part in these sessions for enjoyment, I rather think crying would defeat the objective. However, I do appreciate that for some couples crying is part of the whole package. As with everything else, it all comes down to the individuals and their own feelings.

Jessa: I cry when I'm receiving a discipline spanking. I think it's more because I have a very strong personality and I tend to be willful. So while I know the discipline must be carried out, a part of me wants to resist. That willful, resistant side gets angry to the point of tears.

Once the spanking is over, and once aftercare has been given, I cry again because I'm so overwhelmed with the resulting feelings of subspace.

Sara: I have cried for many different reasons, including emotional release and sadness from knowing that I hurt him. Mostly, though, it's simply when I need to cry and the spanking is the trigger. I know I am in a safe place to let go.

Jenny: I would like to cry. Once or twice, I've felt close to crying, as his spankings have gotten harder and faster (at my request). Most recently, I recall that he surprised me by going over the expected count in my birthday spanking and that had me on edge as I wondered whether I could tolerate any more. It was a hand, cane, and then wooden paddle spanking. This was a couple of months ago. I loved it, actually! Later I told him that I expected him to stop at the "number" and he said that he just felt like continuing at that point.

Alas, some personal issues have made me less excited about spanking since then (nothing serious for me, just friends' problems and multi-week household projects). His birthday is next week, though, and I've already asked to take his birthday spanking so I'm looking forward to that. I think I am ready for more of this now.

I think the tears will come from being overwhelmed by the onslaught of spanks and building pain. Before that birthday spanking, I thought disappointing him would be a major factor, but I was quite close to crying, and it was not a punishment at all. I do whimper as he reaches for a new implement and rubs it prior to starting to spank with it, which is sort of a buildup to crying.

I think disappointment and emotion as a precursor may be something we as spankees identify as a major component just because we feel emotion at times when the spanking is for punishment and there is genuine disappointment. We feel that we have disappointed the spanker, and if we cry, we put those two things together. I guess we should all try to have more "non-emotional, non-disappointment, non-stress relief" spankings as a test. And let us know how they turn out!

Elysia: The first time I shed spanking-related tears, it was *before* he spanked me. That was a punishment, and the tears were definitely due to contrition.

I have since cried during a spanking (also punishment) and I would attribute my tears to a combination of the vulnerability and contrition that I felt. I don't cry from the physical pain unless there's an emotional connection to it.

Tears are not something we "aim for." Our aim is for my feelings of contrition and repentance to help me feel better. It also helps us to communicate better afterward. Maintenance and erotic spankings have never brought me to tears. There are those combination ones though. Hmm. Come to think of it, I've shed tears *after* a spanking quite a number of times. It was definitely contrition-related.

Houston Switch: My answer is simply "not yet." I hope to get spanked with enough physical and emotional intensity to fall over the emotional and pain cliff to get there...

Daisy: It depends on the reason. I find great emotional release through spanking. Sometimes, if it is really stinging, it brings me to tears, because, I think, that is all I can do to get through it! Just let go, and get into it...

If it is a spanking because I have hurt or disappointed him in some way, then I cry before, during and after because I am so upset to have let him - and myself – down.

If he is giving me a stress relief? Again, yes. I have no hangups or issues with crying.

The only time I don't cry is when he is spanking me for losing my temper... and boy, do I lose it big time when I lose it. I am NOT submissive. I will scream, shout, be sarcastic and yes, downright rude and disrespectful. I argue and demand, and am altogether so beside myself with rage I don't even THINK of the inevitable consequences! At these times, he spanks me there and then. No matter how hard or prolonged, no matter how scarlet my bottom becomes, my temper and rage outweigh all that. Cry? NEVER. Give in? NO WAY! I would DIE first! He realises this and sensibly stops before any damage was done.

He has learned over time to wait, let me calm down, and then deliver the discipline. Once I am calm and contrite, he will get the apology he needs and deliver the punishment earned which has me sobbing with shame at the way I had behaved!

So, to sum up...

Stress relief: Maybe before (if stressed enough), and most likely during and/or after
Maintenance: Not before, maybe during, and probably after
Just because: Not before, and probably not during or after
Discipline: Probably before, most likely during and definitely after
Erotic or fun: Never

Bonnie: I actually cry very seldom over a spanking. I've always thought this was a little strange, especially when I cry regularly over fairly trivial issues. But I can see here that I'm in good company. I think it's just the way I'm wired. The pain draws out endorphins and other hormones that make me feel energized, turned-on, and anything but sad. Perhaps my body has been conditioned over the past thirty years to know that good stuff usually follows the sore bottom.

Thanks to everyone who joined us this week. I hope to see you all again next time!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 19

Today is Sunday, so brunch is on. I would like to offer a special welcome to TX Spankogirl and SylverSay. I’m glad you stopped by. Please make yourself at home and feel free to return often.

Our question this week probed the purpose of our spankings. Are they recreational/erotic, disciplinary, or some mix of the two? As always, your responses were interesting and thought provoking.

Mike: For my wife and me, it is purely 100% erotic. I think that's why neither of us hesitates to switch.

Doc: My partner and I are at a straights when it comes to spanking. On one hand, I find it extremely erotic, though I think I would find it an excellent motivator and “punishment.” My partner, on that other hovering hand, finds spanking... scary. They can't seem to get it out of their heads that during the act that it is somehow abuse, and thus, we have put a stop to this practice. It’s unfortunate.

My partner understands my needs. As a hypothetical method of fixing this dilemma, we have decided that I may seek out spankings elsewhere. It is not that my partner does not love pleasuring me, and not that we haven't communicated what the truth of spanking is for me. We have. My partner has simply decided it's not for him.

So getting back to the brunch question. Spanking me, for my partner, would be like punishing them.

Jean Marie: For Kyle and me, it's definitely both. But to someone outside our relationship, or outside the scene, it would be difficult to decipher the line between erotic and disciplinary.

Pleasure spankings are foreplay for us, but that doesn't mean that they're all soft and sweet. It could be a session of patty-cake on my bottom, full of caresses and kisses, but it could also be a stiff set with the razor strap. (Something about that leather implement excites me incredibly, and I've achieved orgasm spontaneously, without a touch to any of my nasty bits on many occasions). It could be just a few playful swats before he's hard and I'm wet and we have to fuck like bunnies, or it could build for hours until we do the deed. Pleasure spankings can even include role-play, where I might be lectured sternly and paddled harshly. But we're reading each other throughout, and doing only what the other wants.

Punishment spankings are the other side of the same coin; still currency, but different. They're for when he thinks my attitude needs adjusting, or when I need the release of a good cry and cleansing chastisement. They're business-like, but he might still caress me tenderly (just to contrast the touch with the painful), compliment the way I'm taking my lesson, or kiss me. They are not brief, they have to take us to the place where I'm contrite and he's forgiving. They don't culminate in sex right afterwards, but we've made amazing love an hour or two after punishment, as make-up sex.

I don't know if the distinction is any clearer, but we need them both.

Kyle: I'm going to add something to what Jean Marie said, and use her account to do so, because I've never posted here before.

Because Jean Marie has it in her head that leather implements are warming and erotic, and wooden implements are hard-edged and crueler, we often let that be the distinction between fun spanking and punishment. She'll find a lengthy, demanding session with the strap or a leather paddle erotic. She'll tear-up like a naughty little girl in need of punishment when I tell her that she's going to get a good, old fashioned hairbrush spanking. (She really knows that she's been bad and is in for it if I get out the cane.)

So that is the tangible manifestation for us as to whether the spanking's intent is pleasure or pain. Jean Marie's emotional connection to the act is the key factor. I can spank the hell out of her, but if the context is playful, she'll find it erotic. I could give her just two wallops with the hairbrush (though I never would let her off that lightly), and she'd cry like a baby and beg for my forgiveness, and be too emotionally spent to want to make love until much later. It's complex because her psyche is complex, but because she's stunningly beautiful and endlessly fascinating and amazingly loving, it's worth putting up with and trying to figure out.

Bbobb: For Kasey and me, it's all about fun and games. While we do have rules that are "punishable" with spankings that's really just part of the game.

Paul: Mel and I had a D/D and D/s relationship. That said the majority of our spankings were erotic.

Erotic spanking weren't necessarily painless, that depended very much on Mel's needs. However, they always culminated with wonderful sex.

Punishments, while rare, happened. They could be less painful than erotic spankings. The cane was always used for punishment. As the others said, sex didn't immediately follow punishment, but there would be cuddles and forgiveness and, in the later evening at bedtime, very good sex.

Spanky: My vote is for primarily recreational/erotic. There is an element of D/s that can enter at times, and Kallisto enjoys both "good girl" and "bad girl" spankings. But we primarily engage in spanking as a fun warm up for sex. But, we're new at this too!

Jean Marie: Inspired by this dialogue, Kyle said he wanted to "experiment" this morning. First, he lubricated my rectum and gave me a warm water enema. Nothing puts me in a submissive mood like this ritual. Then, he stuffed a halved cotton ball in each of my ears and blindfolded me with his neckties. I've always scoffed at those leather head-covering hoods, but sense of deprivation is interesting.

Kyle picked me up and put me over his knee. He says he spanked me with all wooden toys, the hairbrush, the kitchen spoon, and the cane. But he used each sparingly. It tingled, stung, and titillated. Intermittently, he fingered my wet pussy and pinched my erect nipples. I came over and over.

He then stood me up and bent me over the bed. He swears that he used the beloved razor strap. The strokes were hard and fast and had me gasping and dancing. He strapped my already sensitized bottom and rogered my invigorated sex over and over. I was in heaven. I was a rag doll who nearly collapsed from weak knees for what seemed like hours.

My entire lower half is glowing magnificently right now. But I had to tell you all that I don't know anything any more. The line defining play from punishment isn't just blurred, it's gone. I thought that I knew, but Kyle's experiment taught me otherwise. I just know that I'm in nirvana...

TX Spankogirl: I'd say our spankings are primarily recreational/erotic, but there are times that I do get a punishment spanking. Most of the time, my spankings are infused with mind-blowing sex, before, during and after the spanking. Even after a punishment, all is forgiven and it ends up with us making love, but it's a lot more gentle than at other times. LOL We also have "discipline" sessions in our play, but these are different than true discipline spankings because there isn't that psychological humbling that comes along with real sorrow. Most of our sessions are all in fun, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt like the dickens! LOL

SylverSay: Spanking for me is a way of feeling loved. My M loves me enough to do so, when I need it. He feels the same way about the spanking. It’s is a loving act. It is not punishment, though he will playfully throw in a reason for the spanking. He has said that he could never actually punish me for something. So for us. it is recreational/erotic.

Tigger: Our spankings are recreational/erotic. For us, spanking is always foreplay!

Cuddlybum: I'm not really getting disciplinary spankings at the minute, but I do still get stress relief spankings. These are close, but not the same.

There are times when an erotic session is much harder, more painful, but easier to take. I think it has to do with the mental states. The stress relief ones are hard and fast, with him telling me how daft it is to get this upset, etc. I'm nearly always put to bed for a nap afterwards, emphasising the child feeling.

Erotic spankings end up, elsewhere, shall we say? Plus for some reason, erotic spankings always seem to involve implements. Stress ones involve his hand, my naked bum and possibly the hairbrush.

Bonnie: If I had the opportunity to write this question again, I would have asked about more than just two purposes. There are, in fact, many lovely hues between black and white.

Randy and I don’t do discipline or punishment. These don’t make sense in the context of our relationship. However, like Cuddlybum, Randy does occasionally spank me for stress relief. These are hard spankings by necessity, but they are usually short in duration.

In contrast, our much more frequent erotic spankings can be quite intense, but they tend to be playful in tone and longer in duration. For Randy and me, a sexy spanking is the best possible foreplay. Just the sight of a paddle resting on our bed is frequently enough to get me in the mood. Regardless of the original intent, virtually all of our spankings lead to sex.

CeeCi: Our feet are firmly planted on the erotic/recreational side of the fence. The relationship we have, the people we are, has defined the role spanking takes in our lives. We're both very happy with the arrangement.

Lee: Even though I've never been in a serious relationship, I can completely see things staying on the erotic side of spanking (once I find someone to indulge me...). As far as the whole discipline thing goes, I don't see myself in a "strict" discipline relationship. Yet, I'm the type of person to never forgive myself once I've wronged someone, so it will be interesting to see if I adopt some kind of discipline aspect to it all, eventually.

Jigsaw Analogy: When I'm having a little less mental health turmoil than I currently am, there's a whole range of uses for spanking in our relationship. Foreplay (or just play) is definitely an aspect--this is the aspect I think W is most comfortable with.

Then there's stress-relief, or stress-prevention (a tingling butt makes me a far calmer driver, and far friendlier with family and friends).

And there's the role of spankings as discipline. These are in part about giving me the ability to let go of the self-punishment I'm inclined to do, and get some closure, and also to encourage me to change behaviors that it's difficult for me to change.

Right now, our entire relationship is complicated in ways that make spankings not a frequent option, and I do miss them and all of the ways they enhance our relationship and help me to be more secure and balanced.

Dave: Cindy receives the VAST majority of the spankings in our relationship, although we have begun to switch in the last year or so. My spankings are pretty much 100% erotic, while she receives both erotic and punishment ones. I've added a post on our blog if you care to read more!

Elis: Our spanking are all in the playful, sexual, erotic stage. I am so excited that we have made it this far. I have no complaints! But because of the fantasies I have had throughout my life, I have always thought I wanted some discipline. I still do think that. But do I really? Probably, but I'm not worried and I am in no hurry. If it happens naturally someday, I am all for it.

Thanks, everybody!

Keywords: spanking, recreational spanking, discipline spanking, punishment spanking, erotic spanking, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch

Update: Scout and Jim

I'm sorry if the content has been a bit light around here this week. I must confess that I've been spending time with another man, and a rather young man at that. I'm working my way through the final Harry Potter book (please no one tell me!). But fear not, I'll be finished soon and back to my regular blogging schedule.

Do you remember our friend Scout? She successfully convinced her husband to try spanking her and they seemed to be off to a fine start. Now, two and a half months later, we have an update on their progress.

Jim and I cleared the biggest hurdle - convincing him I really wanted this. But, after only a couple of weeks, spanking became regular foreplay. We didn't have sex unless we spanked first. Interestingly, the more he spanked, the more sex we had! Jim described himself as "into it" very shortly after we began (surprise, surprise).

I noticed some things right away. First, I walked around "happy." I wasn't unhappy before, but I definitely felt "happy" after. I was getting what I wanted, we were having sex nearly daily, and it was all a good time. Also, I became way more productive, both for work and home responsibilities. I had focus. Shortly after we began spanking, I had to give a presentation and participate in a panel discussion in front of about 400 people. I want to be modest here, but I did really well, and still hear from my colleagues about it. Jim is in an allied field, and he heard about it - people were telling him it was a triumph for me and that I carried the day. I wanted to celebrate with a spanking of course; Jim was so new to it then that initially he said he couldn't spank me for doing something so well! He quickly got past that.

Then, one of life's unexpected and extraordinary events happened. Jim was gone for a few days, and then our whole family had to travel out of state. It was a stressful and sad time, and several days into it Jim had the wherewithal to break through it by administering a stress relief spanking, so far our first and only. I asked him later how he knew to do it, and he replied that he thought I was practically begging him to do it. He also said that I seem happier after a spanking, and he wanted me to feel happy again. He also said, "isn't it enough that I spank you? Do I have to analyze it, too?"

You talked early on about the role of humor. We definitely see the humor, and most spankings induce lots of laughter. Even the one for stress relief had its comic moments; Jim used the only implement he had on him, his hand, and it became reddened and sore, probably as much as my bottom. Did you know it's the spankee's job to retrieve ice from the hotel vending machine for her spanker's hand? Her own bottom is supposed to ache...

I marvel at the power of spanking to improve focus. There are probably millions of adult ADD'ers out there who could get off their pharmaceuticals and over someone's knee and be cured. When I noted my own improved focus, I enlisted Jim's special help in one area that's frustrated me over the last few years - my creeping weight. This is an area that's at least a bit fraught. No husband wants to be put in the position of telling his wife to lose weight, or that she's physically not pleasing to him. But, truth be told, I needed to take off a few, and he's a workout fanatic and in great shape himself. We talked a lot about our particular plan, and how we'd use spanking in it. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. He doesn't require me to do anything, or lose any amounts of weight. It's up to me to make choices, and when I feel myself losing interest or slipping somehow, I ask him for a diet spanking, to help me refocus. It's been working wonderfully well, as I've lost 10 pounds since mid-May. Perhaps I'll even get the nerve up to model a white bikini for him before the summer's out!

Spanking has improved lots of things between us. We are more open with each other. For instance, before spanking I would never have shown him the number on the scale, or asked him to help me in an area as sensitive as weight management. We are more playful. He is forever grabbing, patting, pinching and swatting my behind. He drums it if he's behind me going up the stairs.

Every spanking has been followed by lovemaking. We don't do DD, and we don't want to. But, something interesting is emerging. I think Pagan touched on it. If I say something snippy, in a little tiffy exchange with him, Jim will use it for motivation later. I have to remember that the object of some of my barbs is also the wielder of the paddle! One night, in our special closet, he puffed out his chest and said, "tonight I feel quite justified in doing what I'm about to do!" And what followed wasn't one of the lovely long warm-up numbers.

I can't imagine a better testimonial. Spanking can work and does work in many relationships. Convincing a vanilla partner can be a difficult proposition, but the rewards for success are sweet indeed.

Scout asked me to post her story in hopes that it will inspire other wives and girlfriends to consider the possibilities of living out their spanko dreams with the man they love. I know I feel inspired!

Thank you, Scout, for sharing your success.

Recap: The Open Mike Spanko Brunch

Our open mike spanko brunch was a tremendous success. I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to everyone who participated. The responses were insightful and thought-provoking. I’m so impressed, in fact, that I want to summarize them here on the front page for the benefit of readers who might just be passing through.

Before I do, though, I would like to welcome Mary to My Bottom Smarts. You sound like a kindred spirit. I’m glad you’re here!

Question: Do you love your spankings? Do you hate them? Both or neither? Do you wish for spankings? Or do you pray to avoid them?

Linda: I love it when Mark is really into it. He gets all dommy and stern and doesn't allow me to wimp out. He holds his ground with me and at the same time is lovingly reassuring.

Tigger: I love getting spanked and my hubby loves spanking me. For us, it's definitely sexual.

KK: I enjoy each and every swat I get and sometimes I crave them. If it has been a while between them, I miss them very much. I know that they are what I need in my life. I am glad to have someone that will give them to me and not think I am crazy for loving them so much. I enjoy a red ass.

Danielle: I really need spankings and can't live without them anymore. Very strange, because I did live more than 30 years without any thought of spanking.

Rivka: I do love spankings... very very much. Even the discipline ones (although, NOT while they're actually happening).

Sassy: I both love and hate my spankings. More importantly, I NEED them. They give me balance and make me feel safe. It is imperative that I receive consistent discipline spankings. It is only then that I can enjoy the erotic or lighthearted ones. Without the foundation of the discipline, the others only lead to frustration.

Mike: I love the spankings that I get and give. With my wife and I, it's all about erotic spanking. I'm the one that started it in our relationship, but she's joined in.

Janeen: I'd have to say it's a love/hate relationship with the discipline ones, but the erotic ones are always fun.

Pinkcheeks: From erotic spankings to discipline spankings to quick swats on the bottom as "reminders," Hubby and I know the importance of DD in our lives, and how much it enhances our relationship.

Padme: I have a love and hate with the discipline spankings. But the erotic ones are lovely and center me and bond me with Master Anakin...

Mary: I LOVE spankings. Unlike some, we do not use spankings as punishment (I guess I'm just too much of a pain slut). Though there may be playful threats of "punishing the naughty girl," the spankings are for me because I simply enjoy being spanked. I most definitely wish for them and have at times been known to beg for them.

Cuddlybum: I love them. And now I'm off to try and weasel my way into another one tonight!!!! Good, good question!

Bonnie: There’s only love here. Nothing stokes my fires like a few good slaps across the derriere.

Question: What makes a good spanking for you? Or is that phrase an oxymoron?

Linda: A good spanking is one that both myself and my husband are into at the same time. It's not as effective if only one of us is into it and the other is only appeasing.

Tigger: What makes a good spanking? For me it starts with the anticipation. The thought of knowing I'm going to get a spanking turns me on almost as much as the act itself. Especially when my hubby gives me that sexy grin of his! Then it's onto the main event, which is usually over my husband's lap on the bed (my favorite position) and always starts with a warm-up. Sometimes, I have panties on for this, sometimes not, but either way, it's wonderful! Then, little by little, the spanks get harder (no more than I can take, of course, but most times, I can take a pretty hard spanking) until I'm so aroused that I'm wiggling around and begging for him to touch me. At which point he does, but only just enough to tease me before I get spanked some more. Since spanking is erotic for us, it's always followed by incredible sex! Mmmm, there's nothing better than making love while my bottom is still hot and stinging!!!

Rivka: No, I don't think a good spanking is an oxymoron at all. For me, there are both good erotic spankings *and* good discipline spankings (just don't ask me in the midst of it).

In my opinion, a good erotic spanking is a mind trip - it alternates constantly between varying, opposite sensations (slap-rub, pinch-kiss, fast-slow, etc...). However it happens, it's a combination of pain and pleasure.

A good discipline spanking is memorable and lasting. It's one that is long enough to break through resolves and truly "get the point across." After it's completely over, it involves (for me) aftercare. It’s a point of reconciliation.

Mike: A good spanking is simply one we both enjoy. A great spanking, for me, is when my boundary starts to get pushed, but not enough to get in the way of immediately moving on to other activities.

Marcus: One of my favorite spankings I gave had my girl on my lap cuddling. She was wearing my button-down shirt and nada else. She was getting goofy and bratty, and so I gave her a swat. She nibbled my ear. I gave her another swat. More nibbling. Pretty soon she was breathing hard and my hand was still working her cheeks. She never left cuddling me in my lap throughout the spanking. It's amazing how black and blue a bottom can get from a hand spanking though.

Eyes Downcast: At this point I will take whatever kind of spanking my husband would give me! :-)

Little One: A good spanking to me is any spanking that I receive from my Guy. They may be too few and far between at the present time, but any I receive from him are full of love. Of course, our erotic spankings are by far the crème de la crème. :)

Mary: What makes it good? I thrive on the endorphin rush - being pushed just a little farther than I can go and ending up in a happy subspace. I like it hard; I like marks. I absolutely LOVE how hot and horny he gets spanking me.

Cuddlybum: Spankings are for fun, foreplay, stress relief..... we don't do punishment spankings - well my beloved doesn't do them – I sometimes ask for a spanking if I'm feeling really bad about it and want to wipe the slate clean so to speak.

But the most important part of any spanking for me is the cuddling afterwards. I always get cuddled afterwards regardless of what the spanking is for!! AND yes, mostly there's sex involved as well, even in the stress relief ones - and my God is it hot after!!!

Bonnie: Here are my ten elements of a good spanking.

Question: How do spankings make you feel? Satisfied? Contrite? Romantic? Or just plain sore?

Linda: Sometimes I need to feel punished and dominated to the point of completely losing control but for the most part I just love the closeness and warmth I get from Mark spanking me before we make love. I think he loves the way I become during and after, I'm not only very agreeable but thankful as well.

Tigger: How do I feel after a spanking? I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I was usually a little sore. But in a good way, if that makes sense. And of course, I also feel very satisfied, not to mention extremely loved. I'm not really sure why I like being spanked, though. Like Linda, I like the submissive aspect of it, I suppose. And I completely agree with her about spanking making a couple feel a closeness and love.

Danielle: Erotic spankings have spiced and increased my sex life. I feel wanted and loved and very satisfied afterwards. Spanking for stress relief is a must. All problems are gone or I can cope with them. Punishment spanking is a rare phenomenon. But when I'm in tantrum there's only one way, the old-fashioned. Afterwards I feel liberated; everything is forgiven and forgotten.

Rivka: Spankings make me feel... all of the above. It would be a lie to say they don't HURT or make me SORE as heck... but at the same time, in any case, I'm very satisfied. Usually it's a major turn on for me (even after discipline spankings) and so I'm definitely feeling sexy and romantic. Sometimes... I do simply feel resolved after a discipline session. But not too often.

Little One: I’m almost always left sore from a spanking. If not, I think I feel I missed out on something. The aftercare from any spanking is almost just as sweet as the spanking itself, be it just him soothing my scalded bottom with his soft, soothing, loving hands, or if it’s sweet and gentle, or hot and frantic love making. They all go hand in hand and one wouldn’t be complete without the other.

Pinkcheeks: From erotic spankings to discipline spankings to quick swats on the bottom as "reminders", Hubby and I know the importance of DD in our lives, and how much it enhances our relationship. *smile*

Mary: How do spankings make me feel? Horny as heck! They always end in good sex.

Carrielilly: I was thinking that spankings make me feel... well all of the above. satisfied, check. contrite, check. romantic,(um more like horny but yes :) check. However, very rarely really sore. CD likes to say that I have an ass of steel. My ass doesn't mark very much and usually the day after I'm pretty much back to normal. We do punishment spankings (more for me than for him) maintainance spankings, and erotic gg spankings (oh yum my absolute favorite!)

Bonnie: It’s a tremendous turn on! I’m ready for love.

Although we may participate in spanking for a variety of reasons, we all find the experience rewarding and beneficial in some fashion. That's what keeps us coming back for more.

I appreciate these excellent contributions. Thank you all!

So, would anyone like to share another spanko brunch next Sunday?

Keywords: spanking, perspectives