The Science of Spank Angle

We've examined many aspects of spanking such as body position, implement length/weight/shape/composition, wrist action, swing radius, and so forth. But I don't recall considering the angle at which a hand or implement strikes the spankee's bottom.

The easiest and perhaps most obvious technique is the perpendicular strike, illustrated below. The path of the swing is at a 90 degree angle to the length of the spankee's body.

The impact tends to land on the crests of the bottom. Simple, right? Simple yes, but not right. Striking only the crests neglects the wider, sturdier lower slopes. It ignores the sit spots that can provide helpful reminders well after the spanking concludes. Any misplaced swats that land high risk injuring the tailbone.

A skilled spanker uses an uppercut angle that concentrates the strikes on the lower slopes and sit spots, as shown below.

That's more like it!

Now let's consider a spankee who is bent at the waist. Bending tends to stretch the bottom, diminish the benefit of natural padding, and increase the discomfort generated. It also affects the optimal spanking angle.

In this instance, the best angle is parallel to the ground as seen above. Because the spankee is bent forward, her lower slopes are fully exposed to a level swing. The target should again be the widest portion of the bottom.

I encourage all spankers, regardless of your purpose, to aim your swats where they will deliver maximum benefit and avoid safety concerns.

Spanking 101: A Basic Spanko Glossary

I think it’s time for a tutorial, but I want to try something a little different. Here is a very basic spanking glossary.

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Aftercare - As the name suggests, aftercare is a process where a spanker and spankee re-establish positive physical contact immediately following a spanking. Aftercare can be as simple as a hug, but it can also be considerably more involved. The purpose is to smooth the spankee’s transition from harsh pain to loving support.

Bottom - One of many words used to describe the part of the anatomy upon which the blows of a spanking are generally inflicted. This term is also sometimes used to refer to a person who accepts a spanking.

Consent - Consent is the essential prerequisite to any spanking. It may be explicit (“Yes, you may spank me”) or implicit (such as a pre-arranged understanding). But without consent, spanking becomes an unwanted and illegal physical attack.

Corner Time - A popular ritual, commonly associated with punishment, where the spankee is required to stand facing a corner before, during a break from, or after a spanking session. The purpose is generally to encourage reflection about misdeeds. It may also trigger feelings of remorse or embarrassment. During corner time, the spankee’s bottom is typically bare and on full display.

Crying - Many spankees respond to the pain and/or the physical release of a spanking through tears. Crying is often cathartic and can help to break down emotional barriers. As with many aspects of spanking, the crying response varies greatly by individual. Some spankees seldom, if ever, cry during a spanking. Others cry only afterward. Some almost always cry when they are spanked. All of these are normal reactions.

Discipline Spanking - This term refers to a spanking given for the purpose of correction and/or re-establishing dominance. Discipline spankings generally occur within relationships where one partner has been designated as being dominant (or in the case of domestic discipline, head of household). The other, submissive, partner may receive a discipline spanking when they fail to behave in the manner prescribed by the dominant. Discipline spankings are often relatively severe, short in duration, and may be accompanied by other corrective measures.

Domestic Discipline - Domestic discipline is an arrangement where one partner assumes a leadership role known as head of household. The other partner is expected to respect the HOH and accept their direction. Failure to follow the instructions of the HOH may be dealt with in a punitive fashion, often involving spanking.

Dominant - A person who assumes a superior role within a relationship.

Erotic Spanking - A spanking whose purpose is foreplay or augmentation of sexual relations. Many couples enjoy spankings as a prelude to sex.

Head of Household - The leader in a domestic discipline relationship.

Implement - An object used for spanking. There are many types including paddles, crops, canes, brushes, straps, and floggers. Each class of implement has unique characteristics which make them appropriate for different situations and purposes. One common scale for assessing implements is “stingy” (generates sharp pain at the skin level) versus thuddy (yields a deep, penetrating ache).

Kink - A generic term that refers to many types of unconventional sexual activities or lifestyles, but especially BDSM. Spanking is one very popular kink.

Maintenance Spanking - The purpose of a maintenance spanking (sometimes referred to as a "regular") is to maintain order and tranquility. It is often scheduled in advance and is not associated with any specific offense.

OTK - Over The Knee. Despite its apparent anatomical specificity, this acronym is actually used to describe any position where the spankee is draped across the lap of the spanker. The spanker may be seated in a chair or at the edge of a bed, bench, or sofa.

Pain - Pain is a part of every spanking and each spankee approaches it in their own way. Some embrace the pain. Some try to deny or minimize it. Still others hold on until their natural endorphins arrive. For most couples, pain is not the objective, but rather a means to an end.

Pervertible - A spanking implement adapted from some other, presumably vanilla, purpose.

Position - In this context, the term refers to the physical orientation of the spankee during a spanking. There are many alternatives available. Couples often enjoy experimenting with various positions.

Punishment Spanking - A spanking delivered for the purpose of correcting a misdeed. In some cases, the warm-up beforehand and sex afterward may be omitted in order to re-establish order or make a point.

Restraint - This term refers to any method used to limit the movement of the spankee. It may consist of classic bondage, such as rope restraints or furniture, but restraint can also be as simple as a handkerchief tied around the wrists. Whatever the form, extra care is needed to ensure the well-being of the spankee throughout the session.

Ritual - A ceremonialized series of activities that amplify the significance of the spanking. Participants often find that introducing the elements of ritual into their spankings cause them to become more meaningful. Examples of rituals include fetching the implement, counting, and corner time.

Role Play - Role play provides a structure for couples to explore their fantasies. By pretending to be other characters, such as a cheerleader, pirate, schoolmaster, or maid, couples can step away from their own familiar roles and try something new.

Safeword - A safeword is a word or phrase which, when spoken by either participant, will cause a session to halt or end. Safewords are essential for ensuring the well-being of the spankee. They can also serve the spanker by preventing him or her from going too far.

Severity - The severity of a spanking is often linked to the intensity and duration of the session. However, a better measure is the physical and emotional impact it has upon the recipient. From this perspective, relatively mild spankings can, in some circumstances, be devastating while even brutal spankings can other times seem quite tolerable. A expert spanker perceives his or her spankee’s reactions and adapts appropriately.

Sit Spots - As the name implies, this is the portion of the bottom that comes in contact with a chair while seated. Spankers often direct special attention to these two areas.

Spanking - A series of sharp blows to the bottom given for the purposes of punishment, discipline, correction, stress reduction, sexual foreplay, or play.

Spanking Blog - A web log that contains content concerning spanking enthusiasts, techniques, situations, and other topics of interest.

Spanking Model - A spanking model is a person who is filmed and/or photographed while depicting or participating in spankings and related activities.

Spankee - The recipient of a spanking.

Spanker - One who spanks.

Spanko - Slang term for a spanking enthusiast. This is probably a shortened version of the word spankophile.

Stress Relief Spanking - A spanking that is administered for the purpose of reducing tension. Such spankings are sometime relatively severe and delivered quickly without much ritual or warm-up. For other spankees, stress relief spankings work best when they build more gradually. With either approach, the objective is the same.

Submissive - A person who assumes a dependent or follower role within a relationship.

Switch - Someone who has an interest in both spanking others and being spanked. The term also refers to a small, freshly cut, flexible tree branch that is used as a spanking implement.

Vanilla - A vanilla is a slang term for a person who lacks interest in spanking or other kinks. It is not a derogatory word, just a statement of fact.

Warm-up - A comparatively light spanking that precedes the main portion of a session. Many spankees find that they can tolerate far more spanking activity if they are properly warmed up first. This is the reason why many spankers begin with their hand before introducing implements.

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I considered about twenty more words, but I eventually decided that this project needed to be a blog post rather than a book. So here you are…

Spanking 101: The Spanking Hour

A friend recently asked me a question that I thought might be an appropriate topic for a Spanking 101 post. She had read a blog post where the author described a spanking that lasted for one entire hour. She wondered if this was even practical.

My answer was no and yes. Sixty solid minutes of deliberate whacking would be senseless overkill. Even in a punishment scenario, any lesson can be taught in far less time. Beyond a certain point, the spankee's bottom becomes numb and additional spanking serves no purpose.

However, I can easily imagine an hour long spanking because I have participated in several. I draw an analogy to spending an hour in bed making love. That wouldn't, or more likely couldn't, consist of continuous intercourse. There would also have to be kissing and rubbing and talking and massaging and laughing and so forth. So it is with the one hour spanking.

It can be great fun to make your spankings last. Here are twenty five suggestions to enrich your spanking adventures:

1. Try some role play scenarios and let your fantasies run wild


2. Use a vibrator, and not necessarily only in the usual spots


3. Take a break for oral sex


4. Test a series of implements and note your likes and dislikes


5. Caress someplace that feels really good


6. Change positions several times


7. Whisper a sexy secret desire


8. Try a butt plug


9. Put on some appropriate mood music and spank to the beat


10. Talk about the spanking


11. Generously apply some scented oil and massage it in


12. Munch on chocolate-covered strawberries


13. Light incense


14. Kiss beneath the sheets


15. Position mirrors so you can both watch


16. Try a little light bondage, just for fun


17. Take a shower together


18. Instead of counting up the swats, try counting down


19. Show off your little known talent


20. Remove protective clothing one layer at a time


21. Play guess that implement


22. Light candles and turn off the lights


23. Hold a private spanko fashion show


24. Wet the target using a damp washcloth


25. Make passionate love

Even as I assembled this list, I kept thinking of more delicious possibilities. Your technique needn't be anything that requires elaborate preparation. Sometimes, I will position myself over Randy's lap while we are on the couch and watching television. The goal is to make each experience a little bit different and little bit special.

It's really not that hard to spend an hour spanking, and if you do, I think you'll agree that it was an hour well spent!

Spanking 101: Safewords

A loyal reader recently inquired about the subject of safewords. I was about to refer her to an appropriate tutorial when it occurred to me that I hadn't written one yet.

What is a Safeword?

A safeword is a word or phrase used during a spanking to signal the spankee's inability to continue. The safeword is negotiated by the couple in advance and they share a common understanding of its usage and meaning.

In general, when a safeword is invoked, it is an indication of serious trouble on the part of the spankee. In most cases, this is a relatively extreme situation where normal verbal communication might be difficult. The spanker's response should be an immediate halt to all spanking activities and focused attention upon her physical safety and emotional welfare (please substitute roles and genders as necessary for your situation).

Why a Safeword?

There are a variety of opinions about safewords. Many spankos believe they are absolutely indispensable and spanking without one is hazardous. On the opposite side, others claim that invoking a safeword constitutes "topping from the bottom." From this perspective, granting control to the spankee during a discipline session interferes with the lesson being delivered. Between these two divergent views, there are many shades of grey.

Randy and I believe in safewords. Ours is "Red." In twenty plus years, I’ve used it only a few times, but on those occasions, I was very grateful for this escape hatch. I recall once being suddenly overcome by what turned out to be a digestive virus. Another time, the position I was in caused my back to spasm.

Randy knows me very, very well. Most times, he can read my emotions during a spanking session at least as well as I can. Once in a great while, though, wires can get crossed. Were it not for our safeword, my health and safety could have been jeopardized. That’s why I recommend that every couple have a safeword, even if it’s never employed.

In the case of a punishment spanking, I would expect that the full measure of discipline would still be administered at a suitable later time. In any case, I feel that having, using, and respecting a safeword is an important element in protecting a vulnerable submissive.

Choosing an Appropriate Safeword

Should you determine that you want a safeword, the first task is to select one. An ideal safeword is short, unique, unambiguous, and easy to remember. It should be a term that wouldn't normally be used during a spanking. I once heard of a couple who claimed that "ouch" was their safeword. Were Randy and I to adopt that practice, I would miss out on a whole lot of good spanking! An unusual word is a better selection.

The safeword can be as obvious as "Uncle" or even "Safeword." Or it can be something obscure, so long as the spankee can always remember it and the spanker will always recognize it.

Using the Safeword

A good safeword is like insurance. It's valuable, even if it's never needed. Simply knowing the safeword is available spurs many a spankee to greater confidence and an increased willingness to experiment.

Yet, a safeword is worthless without trust to back it up. Obviously, the spankee must trust that her partner will honor her use of the safeword and believe that she truly is in distress. She must trust that he will aid and protect her.

But trust flows in the opposite direction as well. The spanker must trust that his partner is not invoking the safeword frivolously or with intent to manipulate. This sort of trust and mutual understanding takes time. It develops through shared experiences and open communication.

When a spankee speaks her safeword, spanking and all other play should come to an abrupt halt. At that moment, her safety and well-being become paramount. If necessary, first aid should be administered. For more serious situations, timely medical attention should be sought. It would be embarrassing to reveal the type of play you enjoy, but if the alternative is a serious injury, this must be endured. The chances are that no such issues will arise, but it's best to be prepared.

As beneficial as a safeword can be, it's no silver bullet. Nor is it a substitute for open communication. A spankee is often praised for accepting her strokes without resistance. When she is feeling submissive and in the zone, pain can become a secondary consideration. In many cases, this is a positive experience.

However, if she is unable to recognize the seriousness of her situation or express it verbally, this can be a problem. Again, trust is essential. If the spanker believes it is warranted, he has an obligation to ask his partner whether she wishes to use her safeword or simply bring the proceedings to a conclusion.

Summing Up

Most spanko couples don't engage in activities that are inherently hazardous. The likelihood of a serious injury is relatively small. However, even playful spankings can result in accidents. In my view, a safeword is a simple and worthwhile precaution.

Beyond the intrinsic value of having a pre-arranged signal, a discussion of safewords leads quite naturally into other valuable topics such as limits, expectations, and responsibilities. This type of dialogue and the understanding it fosters not only enhances play, but also benefits the relationship as a whole.

Have fun and be safe!

Spanking 101: Talking with Your Partner

This essay grew out of a recent e-mail exchange with a reader who was having trouble convincing her partner to spank her. I thought these points might be helpful for other MBS readers.

For the sake of clarity, I will assume that a male spanker is reluctant to spank his female partner. I invite you to substitute genders, roles, or level of interest as fits your circumstance. However, some combinations, particularly those involving an unwilling spankee, may be considerably more problematic than the scenario described here.

Below are ten points to consider should you decide to raise the subject of spanking with a presumably vanilla partner.

1. Incorporating spanking into an existing relationship can be very difficult. This message was conveyed very clearly during a brunch we held last summer. Individuals are complex and so are their needs and desires. It's unusual for two people to always be on the same page, especially when their relationship is evolving. It's quite natural that partners will have differing levels of interest. The first step toward enhancing your relationship is to accept and respect your differences.


2. Sometimes, things go wrong. It's relatively common for one partner to misinterpret the other's words, acts, or intentions. In the process, feelings can be hurt and trust can be damaged. The challenge is to recognize problems as they arise and deal with them at the time. This means lots of open communication including the sharing of concerns, fears, disappointments, desires, and aspirations. If both partners have the same, or at least compatible, expectations, the opportunity for future misunderstandings will be reduced.


3. There is no silver bullet and one size never fits all. I wish someone could simply lay out a cookbook approach to a fantastic relationship. Unfortunately, that's impossible. What works well for one couple may be a disaster for another, and vice versa. Ultimately, you must chart your own path to success.


4. As you approach your partner, please keep in mind that while you've had this concept in the back of your mind (or maybe the front) for a long time, the idea of spanking is less familiar to him. It will likely take time for him to process this information on his own terms. As much as we might like to set timetables, partners work on their own schedules.


5. Please be patient and try not to push too hard or too often. As much fun as a good spanking can be, it's probably not worth damaging your relationship. He may come around with the passage of time. Or perhaps not. Either way, it's important to be an understanding partner.


6. Another issue is that most men are taught from early childhood to never, ever strike any female. This socialization is very beneficial overall, but it may impede your partner's willingness to spank. The only real way around this obstacle is to prove to him that you are not harmed by spankings, and that in fact, they are very positive.


7. If he is inclined to talk, then talk with him. I think a good time is in bed after lovemaking. Both of you are relaxed and feeling very connected. At that moment, he has no pressure to perform and every reason to be open-minded. Be sure to look him in the eyes so that he understands the conviction behind your words.
   
   If he is inclined to read, you might send him links to blog posts that describe the kind of activities you desire. Alternately, if he likes paper, you could print out a few favorites.


8. Don't force the issue. If he agrees to read, give him the space to read or not read as he chooses. If he is eager to discuss the text, then by all means do so. If he says nothing, let the subject drop for a few days before raising it again. Mark my words, if he feels you are pressuring him, he will dig in his heels and your job will become immeasurably more difficult.


9. At least at first, it's best to focus upon the erotic elements of spanking. There's nothing wrong with wanting domestic discipline or heavy BDSM play, but you will be more likely to gain initial acceptance if you keep it light. Spankings are marvelous foreplay. Anything that turns you on is likely to improve his love life too. This is a language most men implicitly understand.


10. Finally, you need not feel alone in your quest. There are lots of spankos who have been precisely where you are. Bloggers and forum members are experiencing or have experienced these challenges. Most are quite willing to share their wisdom. These folks can be an excellent source for advice and support.

If you choose to pursue this course, go forth with caution and forethought. It's not the easiest path, but you might just change both of your lives for the better.

Keywords: spanking, spanking 101, spanking tutorial, talking about spanking, spanking advice

Spanking 101: Your First Spanking

Last year, I presented ten tips for spanking novices. Since then, I’ve wanted to revisit the topic in more detail, and from a slightly different perspective.

A couple’s first spanking might be their most difficult. Partners may have different expectations and levels of interest. It’s quite natural to be nervous. There are so many unanswered questions:

• How much will it hurt?
• Will this help or harm our relationship?
• Is this the first step toward heavy bondage and discipline?
• Should we adopt dominant and submissive roles?
• Am I betraying my gender?
• Is it ever OK to hit a woman?

The best strategy, I think, is one that places the focus squarely where it belongs. What matters most is the couple and their relationship. Spanking is beneficial only if it enriches the lives of both partners. For a first spanking, we will place this consideration above all others.

A mutually enjoyable spanking experience requires a little bit of forethought and planning. Yes, I know it’s not as exciting as a spontaneous spanking session, but if this first one goes well, there might be plenty more to follow. It’s OK to talk about these topics. Really! No one can read minds, and if you want your partner to understand what you’re thinking, you must share those thoughts and ideas.

As important as it is to talk, listening is even more essential. Your partner will probably tell you whether they like your plan. In the event that they hesitate or even reject it, fear not. Perhaps they will offer a reasonable alternative. At this moment, it is to your advantage to be flexible. Please remember that there are many paths to your destination.

When you decide to try a first spanking, the setting is very important. Plan to be as far from distractions as is practical. Try to choose a time when both partners are feeling relaxed, energetic, and open-minded. Make sure to allow plenty of time for whatever might follow.

The prelude to the spanking should be loving and reassuring. The spankee should feel as though she is adored and appreciated. The spanker should feel as though he is honored and beloved. Kisses, stroking hair, tender touches, and sweet words all reinforce these feelings of connectedness and unity.

When it is time for the spanking, select a position that will be both intimate and comfortable for both partners. I recommend that the spanker sit at the edge of a bed or on a couch with the spankee draped across his lap. In this position, both her upper torso and legs are well supported. Her bottom is also nicely presented.

Rather than starting right in with swats, it’s often nice to further set the mood by rubbing the bottom using a slow, circular motion. For many spankees, including me, this kind of touching is a tremendous turn-on. I particularly like the feel of a hand moving over the back of my skirt and perhaps occasionally diving underneath to add to the arousal. Should the spankee begin to roll her hips, she’s definitely ready.

Any real spanking should hurt, but that’s not the primary goal this first time. We’re instead aiming for erotic stimulation. Don’t drive through your swats, but let them dance lightly on the surface. Redden the skin, but try not to bruise it. A hand should suffice and even then, avoid full force blows. Teach her to love the sensations of stinging and warmth. Talk as you spank and tell her what a tremendous turn-on it is to finally feel her across your lap.

For the spankee, it’s vital to express yourself as well. Tell him what you need, what you want, what you like, and what you don’t. That’s the best way for him to learn and refine his technique.

A few dozen light to moderate whacks should suffice for this first spanking. Again, you will hopefully get more chances to experiment in the future. When the spanking is over, the spanker should embrace his partner and ensure that she feels truly loved. This sets the stage for wonderful aftercare experiences in the future.

Many couples find spankings to be sexually arousing and an excellent form of foreplay. In this situation, lovemaking quite naturally follows a spanking. For us, spankings are the ultimate aphrodisiac. The resulting sex represents a welcome completion, a dénouement. It’s certainly not required, but I do recommend it.

Once the excitement dies down, you may wish to talk about your experiences. What worked? What didn’t? What would you like to try next time? How could the session be better? In those answers lies a roadmap to years of erotic spanking fun.

Speaking of fun, a spanking doesn’t have to be serious or clinical. It’s fine to be yourself, laugh, or act silly. Keeping things light removes some of the pressure to make everything perfect.

I hope your first spanking is a wonderful experience for both of you! Best wishes, and please let me know how everything works out in the end.

Keywords: spanking, spanking 101, spanking tutorial, first spanking