Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 23

Our question of the week dealt with the desire for punishment spankings. Here are your thoughts.

Love4her: I know I am one to crave punishment spankings. I have never experienced one as an adult and rarely got one as a kid. I really feel the need to be punished, scolded and made to submit... to the point of tears. Humiliation would be added if it were made public in some way or made known to someone that I was in for a spanking. Possibly, I might be taken out of a store to the van while being spoken to sternly about what I was about to get and why.

I know I deserve it for any number of things and vices. I just believe a sound punishment would clear the air and set me on a better course as a husband and lover. Like any other spanking, it is not going to happen. but the vivid fantasy lives on daily.

Katia: I have craved punishment spankings before, I think every wired gal does. We have had very few because it really bothers my hubby.

However, some of my stress relief spankings have been worse than my punishment spankings. I think that is because I don't break very easily. For him, I think it's more the wording than the actual act.

We have played out a few of my stories and that satisfies my desires.

Poppy: The only spankings I like are punishment ones. They can be big serious, scary ones or little "don't stick your tongue out at me" ones, but they alter everything about me.

I always wanted them, for as long as I can remember. The reality is better than I could ever have imagined. I suspect it is about finding a man who is passionate about giving them. It also helps that he is kind with his strictness. When he spanks me, I feel such a sense of peace that I become a better person for at least twenty minutes when suddenly I feel all naughty again.

But I am nice naughty when I have been spanked, not the horrid kind.

Hermione: I believe that the idea of punishment is inherently linked to spanking. The idea of a punishment spanking is attractive to me. The reality probably would not be nearly as enjoyable.

The concept of punishment has no place in our relationship. But flirting with the associated words that push my buttons is something that we are gradually becoming comfortable with. A playful threat of punishment is in itself a terrific turn-on. But that is where it ends. Spanking will certainly remain something we do for foreplay and fun.

Oatmeal Girl: What does or does not happen to me is not for me to request and is not at all under my control. If I am spanked or beaten in any way, it is purely for my Master's pleasure or as punishment, from which of course he also derives pleasure. He is a sadist. He enjoys hurting me. He struggles against the urge to inflict severe pain on me, as he knows it would be more than I can tolerate. I am not a masochist, but I am devoted to his pleasure. It's a delicate balance.

Still, while my own desires are irrelevant, I can't deny that I have them. I do admit to becoming aroused from a spanking, and the fiend had a flogger made which doesn't hurt too badly no matter how hard the blows. I do love being beaten with the flogger.

But a punishment spanking? I get no pleasure from "the experience and sensations" of punishment spankings. They hurt far more than spankings that are purely for his pleasure, and the anger and disappointment that rain down on me with each blow hurt even more than the physical impact.

What I do like, however, is the catharsis. What I do yearn for is the redemption that follows. And what has been so hard following the severe beating I received on Wednesday is that until this afternoon I could not find my way out of the fear and despair. We chatted this afternoon, and I feel better now. But it reminded me that one way or another, whether for punishment or (his) pleasure, spankings are never something I can take lightly.

Anon #1: Punishment spankings are only given for one reason in our relationship – Smoking. Given that she can go months without a cigarette and then suddenly will start and make sure she is caught, clearly they are being asked for. Also, we clearly have not yet found a total cleanliness in our relationship. She wants to be punished and I don't realize it, so she creates the reason. The failure is mine.

These are the only spankings that ever make her cry and she needs that release. These are the only spankings that I do not find cause any sexual stimulation for me (although she will often climax before she cries), yet I find them extremely emotionally satisfying.

Our Bottoms Burn: Nope, no cravings for punishment. We only spank for fun. Odd huh?

Thomas: I feel that while punishment and discipline is an aspect of spanking that's inherent to most of our fantasies, our application stops short of that. It's the fodder that gets our minds rolling, but the spanking never goes beyond playfulness. I think that this is just our mind's way of "setting the scene" for the spanking to happen. Spanking is associated with punishment in the collective consciousness, so we try to play out those aspects to get the "whole package."

There are, of course, those of us who actually practice true punishment and discipline in our spanking relationships. For those of us who do this, I think that it is more a need than a craving. The spankee never WANTS a punishment spanking, and the spanker never WANTS to give one. Punishment, in that sense, is romanticized by spankos in our fantasies. Outside of that fantasy, though, punishment is something that we want to avoid except when absolutely necessary.

Yes, we do, both spanker and spankee, get something from the act of punishment, but it doesn't feed a craving or desire. It feeds some other kind of need. It might feed a need for structure, or love, or relief from stress or guilt.

Anon: My husband and I are relatively new to spanking. I am still trying to figure out where my needs lie (who knew it could be so complicated?). The idea of punishment is what excites me as a bottom. However, I'm not sure whether that fantasy will ever become a reality for us. I would like every spanking to have a 'reason' that resembles being punished. My husband says I deserved to be spanked simply for waking in the morning. ;) I like the idea of being spanked for something a bit more specific, even in play as opposed to a more DD lifestyle. We just haven't figured it all out yet. This topic hits the nail on the head as far as where we are at with our spanking.

Make Mine Red: We feel no need or urge for true punishment spankings at all. We might play at it, like when I wear my school girl outfit, but it's just for fun. All of our spankings are for sexual pleasure. It really turns us both on. That doesn't mean they don't hurt though! :)

Bonnie: Randy and I don't do domestic discipline, or anything of the sort. He has no interest in judging my actions (nor me judging his for that matter).

With that said, punishment spanking scenarios are a huge turn-on for me. They open the door to a submissive headspace that is very powerful and intense. Randy knows precisely how to trigger those feelings and often peppers his spanking monologue with key words and phrases. Setting, dress, and choice of implements can add to the experience. By the time he is finished spanking, I am ready to accept whatever else he has in mind.

So, no, I don't experience real punishment spankings, except perhaps within my mind.

Thanks to everyone who answered our question this week!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 19

Today is Sunday, so brunch is on. I would like to offer a special welcome to TX Spankogirl and SylverSay. I’m glad you stopped by. Please make yourself at home and feel free to return often.

Our question this week probed the purpose of our spankings. Are they recreational/erotic, disciplinary, or some mix of the two? As always, your responses were interesting and thought provoking.

Mike: For my wife and me, it is purely 100% erotic. I think that's why neither of us hesitates to switch.

Doc: My partner and I are at a straights when it comes to spanking. On one hand, I find it extremely erotic, though I think I would find it an excellent motivator and “punishment.” My partner, on that other hovering hand, finds spanking... scary. They can't seem to get it out of their heads that during the act that it is somehow abuse, and thus, we have put a stop to this practice. It’s unfortunate.

My partner understands my needs. As a hypothetical method of fixing this dilemma, we have decided that I may seek out spankings elsewhere. It is not that my partner does not love pleasuring me, and not that we haven't communicated what the truth of spanking is for me. We have. My partner has simply decided it's not for him.

So getting back to the brunch question. Spanking me, for my partner, would be like punishing them.

Jean Marie: For Kyle and me, it's definitely both. But to someone outside our relationship, or outside the scene, it would be difficult to decipher the line between erotic and disciplinary.

Pleasure spankings are foreplay for us, but that doesn't mean that they're all soft and sweet. It could be a session of patty-cake on my bottom, full of caresses and kisses, but it could also be a stiff set with the razor strap. (Something about that leather implement excites me incredibly, and I've achieved orgasm spontaneously, without a touch to any of my nasty bits on many occasions). It could be just a few playful swats before he's hard and I'm wet and we have to fuck like bunnies, or it could build for hours until we do the deed. Pleasure spankings can even include role-play, where I might be lectured sternly and paddled harshly. But we're reading each other throughout, and doing only what the other wants.

Punishment spankings are the other side of the same coin; still currency, but different. They're for when he thinks my attitude needs adjusting, or when I need the release of a good cry and cleansing chastisement. They're business-like, but he might still caress me tenderly (just to contrast the touch with the painful), compliment the way I'm taking my lesson, or kiss me. They are not brief, they have to take us to the place where I'm contrite and he's forgiving. They don't culminate in sex right afterwards, but we've made amazing love an hour or two after punishment, as make-up sex.

I don't know if the distinction is any clearer, but we need them both.

Kyle: I'm going to add something to what Jean Marie said, and use her account to do so, because I've never posted here before.

Because Jean Marie has it in her head that leather implements are warming and erotic, and wooden implements are hard-edged and crueler, we often let that be the distinction between fun spanking and punishment. She'll find a lengthy, demanding session with the strap or a leather paddle erotic. She'll tear-up like a naughty little girl in need of punishment when I tell her that she's going to get a good, old fashioned hairbrush spanking. (She really knows that she's been bad and is in for it if I get out the cane.)

So that is the tangible manifestation for us as to whether the spanking's intent is pleasure or pain. Jean Marie's emotional connection to the act is the key factor. I can spank the hell out of her, but if the context is playful, she'll find it erotic. I could give her just two wallops with the hairbrush (though I never would let her off that lightly), and she'd cry like a baby and beg for my forgiveness, and be too emotionally spent to want to make love until much later. It's complex because her psyche is complex, but because she's stunningly beautiful and endlessly fascinating and amazingly loving, it's worth putting up with and trying to figure out.

Bbobb: For Kasey and me, it's all about fun and games. While we do have rules that are "punishable" with spankings that's really just part of the game.

Paul: Mel and I had a D/D and D/s relationship. That said the majority of our spankings were erotic.

Erotic spanking weren't necessarily painless, that depended very much on Mel's needs. However, they always culminated with wonderful sex.

Punishments, while rare, happened. They could be less painful than erotic spankings. The cane was always used for punishment. As the others said, sex didn't immediately follow punishment, but there would be cuddles and forgiveness and, in the later evening at bedtime, very good sex.

Spanky: My vote is for primarily recreational/erotic. There is an element of D/s that can enter at times, and Kallisto enjoys both "good girl" and "bad girl" spankings. But we primarily engage in spanking as a fun warm up for sex. But, we're new at this too!

Jean Marie: Inspired by this dialogue, Kyle said he wanted to "experiment" this morning. First, he lubricated my rectum and gave me a warm water enema. Nothing puts me in a submissive mood like this ritual. Then, he stuffed a halved cotton ball in each of my ears and blindfolded me with his neckties. I've always scoffed at those leather head-covering hoods, but sense of deprivation is interesting.

Kyle picked me up and put me over his knee. He says he spanked me with all wooden toys, the hairbrush, the kitchen spoon, and the cane. But he used each sparingly. It tingled, stung, and titillated. Intermittently, he fingered my wet pussy and pinched my erect nipples. I came over and over.

He then stood me up and bent me over the bed. He swears that he used the beloved razor strap. The strokes were hard and fast and had me gasping and dancing. He strapped my already sensitized bottom and rogered my invigorated sex over and over. I was in heaven. I was a rag doll who nearly collapsed from weak knees for what seemed like hours.

My entire lower half is glowing magnificently right now. But I had to tell you all that I don't know anything any more. The line defining play from punishment isn't just blurred, it's gone. I thought that I knew, but Kyle's experiment taught me otherwise. I just know that I'm in nirvana...

TX Spankogirl: I'd say our spankings are primarily recreational/erotic, but there are times that I do get a punishment spanking. Most of the time, my spankings are infused with mind-blowing sex, before, during and after the spanking. Even after a punishment, all is forgiven and it ends up with us making love, but it's a lot more gentle than at other times. LOL We also have "discipline" sessions in our play, but these are different than true discipline spankings because there isn't that psychological humbling that comes along with real sorrow. Most of our sessions are all in fun, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt like the dickens! LOL

SylverSay: Spanking for me is a way of feeling loved. My M loves me enough to do so, when I need it. He feels the same way about the spanking. It’s is a loving act. It is not punishment, though he will playfully throw in a reason for the spanking. He has said that he could never actually punish me for something. So for us. it is recreational/erotic.

Tigger: Our spankings are recreational/erotic. For us, spanking is always foreplay!

Cuddlybum: I'm not really getting disciplinary spankings at the minute, but I do still get stress relief spankings. These are close, but not the same.

There are times when an erotic session is much harder, more painful, but easier to take. I think it has to do with the mental states. The stress relief ones are hard and fast, with him telling me how daft it is to get this upset, etc. I'm nearly always put to bed for a nap afterwards, emphasising the child feeling.

Erotic spankings end up, elsewhere, shall we say? Plus for some reason, erotic spankings always seem to involve implements. Stress ones involve his hand, my naked bum and possibly the hairbrush.

Bonnie: If I had the opportunity to write this question again, I would have asked about more than just two purposes. There are, in fact, many lovely hues between black and white.

Randy and I don’t do discipline or punishment. These don’t make sense in the context of our relationship. However, like Cuddlybum, Randy does occasionally spank me for stress relief. These are hard spankings by necessity, but they are usually short in duration.

In contrast, our much more frequent erotic spankings can be quite intense, but they tend to be playful in tone and longer in duration. For Randy and me, a sexy spanking is the best possible foreplay. Just the sight of a paddle resting on our bed is frequently enough to get me in the mood. Regardless of the original intent, virtually all of our spankings lead to sex.

CeeCi: Our feet are firmly planted on the erotic/recreational side of the fence. The relationship we have, the people we are, has defined the role spanking takes in our lives. We're both very happy with the arrangement.

Lee: Even though I've never been in a serious relationship, I can completely see things staying on the erotic side of spanking (once I find someone to indulge me...). As far as the whole discipline thing goes, I don't see myself in a "strict" discipline relationship. Yet, I'm the type of person to never forgive myself once I've wronged someone, so it will be interesting to see if I adopt some kind of discipline aspect to it all, eventually.

Jigsaw Analogy: When I'm having a little less mental health turmoil than I currently am, there's a whole range of uses for spanking in our relationship. Foreplay (or just play) is definitely an aspect--this is the aspect I think W is most comfortable with.

Then there's stress-relief, or stress-prevention (a tingling butt makes me a far calmer driver, and far friendlier with family and friends).

And there's the role of spankings as discipline. These are in part about giving me the ability to let go of the self-punishment I'm inclined to do, and get some closure, and also to encourage me to change behaviors that it's difficult for me to change.

Right now, our entire relationship is complicated in ways that make spankings not a frequent option, and I do miss them and all of the ways they enhance our relationship and help me to be more secure and balanced.

Dave: Cindy receives the VAST majority of the spankings in our relationship, although we have begun to switch in the last year or so. My spankings are pretty much 100% erotic, while she receives both erotic and punishment ones. I've added a post on our blog if you care to read more!

Elis: Our spanking are all in the playful, sexual, erotic stage. I am so excited that we have made it this far. I have no complaints! But because of the fantasies I have had throughout my life, I have always thought I wanted some discipline. I still do think that. But do I really? Probably, but I'm not worried and I am in no hurry. If it happens naturally someday, I am all for it.

Thanks, everybody!

Keywords: spanking, recreational spanking, discipline spanking, punishment spanking, erotic spanking, My Bottom Smarts, spanko brunch