Sunday, August 01, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Aug 1

Our topic of the week was how to judge the effectiveness of a spanking. Here are your thoughts.

Our Bottoms Burn: Becall says when the spankee is satisfied. I countered with what about the spankor? I guess when it's a mutual satisfaction, it's most effective.

Kimmie: If it's for fun, then it's when both are happily satisfied, great!

If it's disciplinary, once the spankee has shown true remorse. This usually means taking her past her limit (consensual, of course). Once she feels relieved and forgiven by herself and the Spanker, then I think it has been effective.

Six of the Best: There are two types of spankings that can be given. One is the loving kind and the other the punishment kind. The reactions may be different, For the loving kind, I am sure there are lots of "Ahs." For the punishment kind, there may be plenty of "Ooh, that hurt!”

Prefectdt: The more effective the spanking is, the deeper it gets me into subspace. It's a simple formula but it works for me.

Hermione: A spanking has been effective if my bottom is red, hot and throbbing, and I feel both exhausted and exhilarated.

OnHerKnee: Everyone has made valid points, but I suppose one aspect that should not be forgotten is the intensity of the aftercare.

Whether I am spanked or spanker, when a spanking was effective, the intensity of the aftercare makes us forget about everything and time stands still.

SatyrLover: Spanking, in our case, always leads to intense love-making. Still, the deeper the red of the cheeks and the hotter the flesh, the more successful.

Dioneo: If disciplinary, the more effective the spanking, the longer it will be before the spankee needs to put back over your lap. If it's erotic, the more effective the spanking, the sooner she throws herself over again.

Em: Wow! There are so many types of spankings and they can all be so different. It's difficult to come up with an answer that suits them all.

I think I'd have to say that a spanking has been effective when both parties have reached their desired mental/emotional place.

I've often found that my experience of a spanking is much more tied to my emotional state than the physical one. So while some spankings may aim to arouse while others exist to share a bit of fun, and still others have a goal of discipline or punishment - all are successful when I've reached wherever I needed to be emotionally.

Very hard prolonged spankings can sometimes be erotic, and there are times when a gentle spanking can be a worse punishment than a much harsher one. It all depends on so much more than the physical application of force, response (tears, promises, etc), and results (tenderness, marks, etc).

A'marie: If it's for pure enjoyment purposes, as soon as I've thought, "Damn, that's gonna smart tomorrow" with a smile on my face, we're good to go. ;)

~Make Mine Red~: It's been effective when we're both really turned on! I also like it when the heat and the redness last through the lovemaking. These are the ones that are most satisfying and that leave me looking forward to the next time :)

Anon #1: When I'm left with that good liquid feeling. It's not quite the same as a multiple orgasm, but just as satisfying in its own way.

Anon #2: The best spankings are those where it takes a couple to a few days to fully recover. If two or three days after the spanking I feel tingling when I rub or squeeze my bottom, I know I have had a great spanking. Also, the "want" for another spanking does not come back for awhile.

R Humphries: As a partner in a role-playing spanking relationship (as opposed to a D/D relationship), I guess I judge the ‘effectiveness’ of our sessions by (i) the intimacy both during and in the immediate aftermath of the play, (ii) by our desire to discuss, recall, laugh and joke about the play during the subsequent days, and of course, (iii) from the spanker's point of view, MBJ’s enthusiasm for us to stage our next event.

Bonnie: I agree that any measure of effectiveness has to relate to the purpose for the spanking. For example, a stress relief paddling must achieve precisely that. The measure of a foreplay spanking is, quite naturally, the richness of the sex that follows.

With that said, there are some experiences that I universally associate with a positive spanking experience.
  1. A spanking is most effective when I am in a receptive frame of mind. This can be achieved through any combination of spanking banter, rubbing my target, delivering a prolonged warm-up, or instituting favorite rituals.
  2. A spanking must hurt, and more than a little, while it's happening. Ideally, it should seem like more than I want at the moment, but create vivid memories for later.
  3. I am seldom completely satisfied with a spanking that is not accompanied by some form of lovemaking. Sex is not the reason for the spanking and spanking is not the reason for the sex. But they do go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
  4. When I lift myself from Randy's lap (or wherever I have been bent over), my hands always go straight to my bare punished cheeks. The act of rubbing strangely soothes the burn even as it brings out more hurt. Within a few seconds, I am able to assess the extent of the damage and, hence, the severity of the spanking I've just received.
  5. There's also the “mirror test.” I like to admire my marks while they last.
  6. Aftercare is lovely and always welcome.
  7. Feeling that residual ouch when I sit hours later is a special treat. Randy often concentrates his efforts along the lower slopes of my bottom with precisely this intent. When I sense that discomfort, my mind races. “Ooo, I got spanked!” I remind myself as my hand involuntarily travels to the source of the ache. At that moment, arousing memories fill my consciousness.
  8. Finally, there's that delicious afterglow. For those who haven't experienced this sensation, I would describe it as a feeling of lightness and well-being. I am left contented for the rest of the day and sometimes longer.
Barely Pink: It all depends. I very recently received a stress relief spanking and one crack of the paddle had me releasing all of my anxiety, tears, stress, and pain of the week. Just one stroke. It was unbelievable and oh, so effective.

Other times, for discipline, I judge the effectiveness by my willingness to make that same mistake again. If I'm willing to risk another spanking for the same behavior, I guess it wasn't too effective of a spanking!

And for pleasure, well, it's a very effective spanking if he has me gyrating over his knee.

So ends another enjoyable community brunch. Thank you to everyone who participated. For those who didn't but wish they had, you'll be just as welcome next week!


ronnie said...

Sorry Bonnie, busy weekend and out all day Sunday.

I'd say it depends on the type of spanking and what it's intended to achieve, a real humdinger for instance could cause pain but little or no emotion whereas a spontaneous on the spot correction could cause little pain but huge emotion.
Overall I'd say a spanking's been effective if it's left me with a considerably changed state of emotion (indignant, sexy, contrite etc) and a sore bum. And one other thing.... to know my man has cared enought to do it.


Celine said...

What a great topic!! I'm so bummed I missed out, but I certainly have enjoyed reading everyone's responses. These brunches really get me thinking on a deeper level. :D Oh, and Bonnie, your comment on my Oral Entertainment post has had me giggling like a goofball for a week. :)


Anonymous said...

My name is Rachael and this is my first visit to the site. Frankly, I'm amazed to see that so many others understand why I love being spanked. Reading the other posts was an affirmation. Yes, there are different kinds of spanking that satisfy for different reasons. I need my daily session were I present my exposed bottom for however many strokes my man deems needed. However, my punishment sessions are the ones that define our relationship. After a hard spanking my face is hot and wet with tears and my bottom is throbbing red slick and marked that's when I feel complete. It's a total surrender bringing an unequaled release.

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