Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 11

Our topic of the week was timed spankings. Here are your reactions.

Hermione: No, we haven't, and I'm not quite sure what the procedure is so I'll read the other comments with interest.

Our spankings are scheduled, so we always start at the same time, and despite the variations we introduce, we usually manage to finish about the same number of minutes later each time. Just call us organized!

Angie: Yes, I have, for both punishment and good girl kinds.

For good girl ones, it's fine, even though you have a tendency to go, “I have how many minutes left!?” Timed bad girl spankings just suck! That’s because you go “Oh gawd! I have how many minutes left?! No, please, something must be wrong!”

This Girl: I've been at spanking parties where they had a “three minute challenge.” The girl was OTK and the dom had to spank as hard as he could for three minutes. It tends to be harder for the top than the bottom!

Bitski: As for timed spankings, I never have, but I want to. It seems like there would be something comforting in knowing how long it's going to last. And to be honest, mine are usually too short. I'm not one to look at the clock, so I don't know how long (timewise) too short is. It’s just that it's usually over before I feel I've gotten somewhere. But then, my honey and I are pretty new at this, and I think he's still afraid of hurting me. When I found your blog, I immediately printed some things out for him to read. And it must be helping, because that was two days ago, and he gave me a spanking that night AND the next. Two days in a row is a first for us! So when your readers respond, I'd love to know a good time limit to set for newbies. Five minutes? Ten? Thirty with lots of play mixed in? I can't wait to add a timer just for fun.

Welcome, Bitski! It’s a pleasure to meet you and I’m glad you stopped by. As for newbie advice, I am inclined to suggest that you start slowly and work your way up as you become more comfortable with spanking and with each other in your new roles. Please feel free to write me anytime.

Daisy: No, we haven't done this. Davey always tells me how many swats/stings I am going to get with whatever implement. But as for timing instead of counting, I guess that depends on how fast the swats come, as to how many you get in a certain time!
Davey likes to vary the space between each swat. Sometimes, it’s fast and furious. Sometimes, it’s slow and calculated, often with a lecture between each one! I suppose if it is a timed spanking, the spanker tends to go faster to fit in more swats?

When we are together, maybe he will try that out as an experiment, especially if I sound reluctant! Therefore, I can say here and now, I look forward to it. LOL

JWLR: Timing is something we were just talking about. My wife, who gives the spankings, just can’t wait to find one of those hourglass timers to go with her hairbrush.

I hope, JWLR, for your sake, that’s she’s talking about an egg timer and not a true hourglass!

Our Bottoms Burn: I think that a timed spanking might be OK as a lark once in awhile. We have never done it. We don't count licks either. Spankings just go on until the spanker judges the spankee has had just the right amount. We have never had timed sex either. We will be interested in reading the responses to this question.

Dante d'Amore: We have only tried this once. It was this year when I foolishly gave Tiggr a Valentine’s Day gift of being able to spank me.

As someone who hates pain even more than I hate giving up control, there was no way I was giving her carte blanche.

I said she could use her hand only and had 60 seconds. It turned out that was about 45 seconds too much as anyone who has listened to either of the audio clips I have on my site from that ugly event will surely attest. In that case, timing it was good. It was very good, even if the chosen time wasn't so good.

When I am spanking, timing = BAD. A specific time equates to giving up some control. Me no likey. :)

Tiggs: How apropos, to be listed in the comments right after my dearest Dante's remarks here.

I didn't like having to time myself spanking Dante at all... Not at all. I'd much rather have all the control to do it the way I want, take as long as I want, use what I want, make it hurt or tingle or tickle as I want. You get the idea!

From the bottom's up point of view, I'd also hate a timed spanking... It’s no fun at all for either person, watching the clock!

Jean Marie: When I first read the topic for this week I cringed. Timed punishment is horrendous. You cannot believe how long five minutes can last when you are getting blasted with a paddle. In my household, timed punishment is only for when I'm really naughty, thank goodness! But I'm so sorry that you brought it up because now all these tops, mine especially, will have it in mind. I bet my bottom will be sorry about it by Sunday morning when my lover reads the brunch postings. Let's just say that they are effective but uncalled-for except in extreme circumstances.

For the nice newbie who asked how long they should go for; I'd suggest just half a minute for starters.

Publikk: I have done a few timed spankings. Mainly for fun. For instance, one time my girlfriend at the time and another local spankee friend recreated a video. It was one of the Raven Hills videos where they do a 5-minute hand spanking followed by two 5-minute spankings with an implement picked out of a hat. It was interesting and fun and it helped eliminate the awkwardness of us all playing together for the first time. It gave us an activity.

I don't think I'd use it for a real punishment unless I knew the person pretty well. You can go too far if you're focused on a timer rather than the person being spanked. But it was fun in this scenario.

Ashley J: Timed spankings are a paradox for me. On the one hand, they are nice because you have a fixed target to focus on for when it will be over. It can help me to get through the sting, knowing it’s just x seconds more and I can rely on that. On the bad side, it leaves me focusing on the time and not anything else. So if I'm supposed to be learning something because I messed up, all I'm really learning is how to count seconds in my head. I suppose it might work better if I didn't know how long but it's never been that way for me. I guess overall I have to say “no thanks” to them, but I know at least one spanker who really likes the concept.

Ally: I’ve never received a timed spanking, just a certain number of swats is announced, and that happens only rarely. Would I consider it? If it was up to me, I would only want timed spankings for fun. Even then, I probably wouldn't pay much attention to the time. It would just nice to have a basic idea of what to expect. That is IF I wanted to know. I don't know.

Prefectdt: No, I have never received a timed spanking. Yes, I will try it one day. There is always something new to try. Variety is the spice of life. :)

Penfold: Bear and I are also one of those that haven’t experimented with timed spankings, but our spankings are often around the same amount of time. Bear loves timing things, so maybe this would be a good one for us to explore!

Ronnie: I'm told when I'm going to get spanked and with what, but not timed. Our spankings are always different. That's what I like. Would I try it? Mmmm, I think so, but I’m not sure how it would work for us. I don't think I'd like it.

Missy H: En route to Charleston/Myrtle Beach, I made a slight detour to Jamestown, North Carolina to test drive a Robospanker at the manufacturers. They were very accommodating and set the timer (which has increments from 2 to 15 minutes) for a nice four minute (on the low setting) session.

I tipped it $20 and afterward seriously considered transferring to nearby UNC/Chapel Hill.

It may be too 'impersonal' for some, but it was nice for once not having to worry that a top's arm was getting tired.

Irelynn: I haven't, no. There was a threat of it once, during a roleplay I did a few years ago. But I don't remember it actually being done.

I would definitely be interested though! As I don't do discipline type spankings, it would be in a roleplay or just a fun, spur-of-the-moment spanking. I think there's a certain attraction in seeing the seconds pass by, knowing exactly when it's going to stop and how long you have yet to go. It might turn out that I don't like it at all once I actually try it, but it sure sounds like a nice variation on "normal" spankings to me!

Scunge: I think at a spanking party or in roleplay, My Sir would be up for it, but not otherwise. We ALWAYS run out of time as it is! Things will be better once we are able to be 24/7. Until then, I just enjoy (or endure for discipline) what I get when I get it!

Anon: It's good to have a variety of ways to do this. It keeps it fresh and always new. I am in favor of mutual consent first novelty in this, as in other areas of intimacy.

Loki: The first time I ever saw a timed spanking was when I purchased a RavenHill Beach Girl spanking video. There were three five-minute long spankings with various implements and I fell in love right then and there with the whole concept.

I have used timed spankings every so often, and for my birthday, my fiancé bought me an hourglass. Trust me when I say that it is hilarious to spank or be spanked while watching the sands flow. Time itself seems to slow down!

Cowgirl: We have done timed spankings before, when I was a bit "bratty." Chase would give me one to five minute spankings, depending on the "offense," and he would spank as fast (and hard) as he could for that amount of time. Sometimes, it was a bit much, as the time increased. It was my job to tell him when to start and finish. LOL We had fun with it!

Bonnie: Yes, we have tried timed spankings. There’s nothing wrong with the concept, but the implementation can sometimes be problematic. Randy knows that my bottom can tolerate at least as much hand-spanking as his hand can. Therefore, he likes to choose a stout wooden implement instead. This is where things get a bit dicey. The natural inclination of the male mind is to interpret such activities as a competition. Randy tries, therefore, to spank as hard and fast as humanly possible. From my perspective (staring at the carpet), this takes a lot of the fun out of the game. Three minutes may sound like a very brief spanking, but at full power and top speed, it can be absolutely all I want.

For those just getting started, I must urge caution when experimenting with timed spankings. Specifically, the presence of a timer does not eliminate the spanker’s responsibility to monitor the spankee’s safety. Likewise, it does not remove the expectation that the spankee will call her safeword if she feels overwhelmed or endangered. On the other hand, if you know each other well and you’re familiar with spanking, I say synchronize your watches and go for it!

Thank you to everyone who added their insights to our brunch. This discussion gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Beat the clock!" I hope to see you again next weekend.

MBS Spanko Brunch #182

Tick tock. Tick tock. Even when we aren't thinking about it, time marches ever forward. One day, I'm a newlywed. The next thing I know, I'm a grandmother. Sometimes, I wonder about how all of those years got behind me? Our brunch this week considers the passage of time, though in somewhat shorter durations.

Have you participated in timed spankings? If so, what were your impressions? Is this a practice you would like to repeat? Would you find a timed spanking to be particularly helpful for any particular type of session? If you have yet to experiment with timed spankings, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to join our conversation, and I really hope you will, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a fair chance to share their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.

Poll: Blogging

1. Do you currently have a spanking-oriented blog? Yes, and I love blogging Yes, but it's not very active No, but I used to No, but I'd like to No, but I have a vanilla blog No, it's not for me No, I don't have much to say 2. Why would you most want to have a spanking blog? I like to express my creativity I wish to share my experiences I seek to meet like-minded people I want to be a part of a community A different reason I don't want to have a spanking blog 3. Why would you not want to have a spanking blog? I have privacy/security/safety concerns Too much time is required I haven't much to say I have no spankings to share I'm shy I'm not comfortable sharing my secrets Another reason I definitely do want a spanking blog Current Results

The 2009 Spanking Tube Challenge

Many MBS readers tell me that they love watching spanking videos. If you are a spanko videophile, then Richard Windsor has a special treat. He recently began a competition known as the Spanking Tube Challenge. The basic idea is that couples (or individuals) produce their own amateur spanking videos and then visitors to Richard's blog select their favorites in a head-to-head elimination format.

Even if video is not your favorite medium, the hard work that went into these filmed sessions is quite evident. I encourage you to stop by and demonstrate your support by voting!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 5

Our topic of the week was diet spankings. Here are your reactions.

Todd: I have used spanking to help motivate diet efforts with Suzy and a few close spankee friends... and have found quite a bit of success. I've also seen friends have success in our Diet Group (both on the blog and the Yahoo Group). I know two people who lost one hundred pounds and several more who lost fifty... and kept it off.

I think that starting with an established "vanilla" diet plan and then using spanking to motivate sticking to that plan is a good start. Staying consistent is a big key, so picking something that will work long term is important. It’s worthwhile to take some time and figure out exactly how spankings will work (there are several options). I steer well clear of spankings/scoldings that might touch on body issues. Breaking a rule is what earns a spanking... and *not* being overweight.

It's certainly not for everyone though. Weight comes with lots of emotional baggage which can impact the spanker or spankee. I've seen enough success though that I do think it's worth trying for those that are motivated by discipline spankings elsewhere in their life (or strongly suspect they would be). It can also do things to help a spanker (who doesn't get spanked) too.

Hermione: We haven't tried it, but I think being spanked would be a great reward for having stuck to a sensible eating plan all week. Maybe I could get extra swats for each time I chose carrots instead of chips?

This could be fun!

Meow: So far, we've used spanking to punish the breaking of diet and exercise rules, but not for lack of progress at weigh-in time. We need to be more consistent, me with reporting and Lash with punishment. As with anything, consistency is the key!

Missy H: Only indirectly. When I'm sorely tempted by some rich dessert, I try to picture how that tiramisu might show up on my body the next time one of those wonderfully forgiving flowy, swirly skirts is flung over my head.

Curtis: I’m not much into punishment and discipline spankings, but I would use sensual spankings as a reward for good behavior – diet or otherwise.

Greenwoman: Nope. I've never tried it, though I’m with Hermione. It could be a fun way to reward for a lot of things that require discipline, not just healthy eating.

Jay: Well I definitely don't need to lose weight, so on that side it’s a no. However, my weight is an issue and therefore my Dom is helping me to put on weight. One of my rules now is that I have to eat at least three meals a day with a view to reach the target goal of 10 stone by Christmas.

I have asked my Dom to help me with this, and actually as I write this, he is downstairs waiting to punish me for not eating breakfast five times this week and lunch only three times. Yikes.

It is scary, but it helps to know that I have consequences should I not eat. I won’t be punished for losing weight, but we will look at my daily diet and see if there is anything we can do to fix it.

PK: I came out to Nick by asking him to help me with my diet through spanking. It has evolved over the years. I never thought of him spanking as a punishment for gaining. Sometimes, though, it is as discipline for not sticking to a healthy diet and blowing off the gym.
But more and more, I realize that when he loses interesting in my diet, I do too. His being involved and knowing I might be spanked if I didn't work hard fed my imagination and kept me wanting to work to get to a healthier weight. When he doesn't ask about whether I've gained or lost each week and when I gain for several weeks and he seems to ignore it, then the diet becomes just drudgery.

So whether we use it as discipline when I fall off the diet wagon, or as motivation to work harder, or to reward a job well done doesn’t really matter. Just having him involved – asking, caring, spanking – has kept me either losing or maintaining for three years.

Sara: Spanking is used in our relationship to remind me that making unhealthy choices is not acceptable. It's never been linked directly to the scale, but definitely to food choices, failure to exercise, missing taking vitamins, etc. I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past four years since we started DD in our marriage, and I am sure the focus and discipline is a big part of that.

Anon #1: As a reward, yes. The chant was, "Trade sex for food." The spanking was absolutely meant as a prelude. This was a powerful motivator. Combined with sensible eating and long walks, it worked.

Padme: I was a part of Todd and Suzy's diet group a few years ago and didn't find that it worked very well for me. I'm too much of a spanko and enjoy it too much for it to be discipline for me. I would often lose a pound or two and then would gain it back.

Master Anakin also told me he didn't like me being so focused on the scale each week also. My weight would go up because of my period and then I'd be upset thinking I had gained weight and I hadn't. I've done a better job with keeping my weight consistent through walking and I don't look at the scale all the time now. I know my body well enough to know when I need to walk a bit extra or work more on my diet.

He found it too much work also to be monitoring my diet all the time. I do get disciplined with hard spankings, but not for diet issues anymore.

Saffron: I have an issue whereby I need to lose about five stone (that’s about 65 pounds, I think) Weight is an emotional issue for me, but I was told by my doctor that I need to lose weight. When I told my Dom, he said he already knew this was something I would have to work on, as I am young (27) and it’s a health issue for me. To be honest it also makes me insecure.

After my holiday to Germany (not the best way to start a diet), we will concentrate on this issue of mine. I need to lose weight, and if I don't, my arse will pay. I think this will work because I had my first discipline spanking and caning today. Boy, did it drive home a point. I'm going to need them. And it worked. It’s a different headspace. I think there has been some insecurity in me that he wants me to lose weight because he does not like my looks, but I don't think that is the main issue. My health is, and yes, let’s be honest, my looks will improve!

I'm interested how this pans out. I get rewards if I do well, and get punished if I don't lose. I think I would only have an issue with getting punished for not losing weight if he and I had used every weight loss method we know. Maybe that would mean that we need to step up something. But my Dom is incredible, and not unreasonable.

In Germany, I have committed to lots of exercise. I may ask to have that as a temporary rule, whilst with food, I will have to TRY to be sensible. I will do an hour’s exercise at least every day! Wait until he reads this! (grins) Oh, BTW, no matter what happens in Germany, I am to lose two stone by Christmas. It’s fully doable!

Mija: I'm not supposed to eat very much sugar (it makes me ill), so we have a rule that I can only have sweets if I ask first. When I've been trying to get into a gym routine, he'll enforce that schedule too.

But I'd be very uncomfortable with P monitoring my weight loss progress at the scale with punishments. I suspect it would be a squick for him too.

Still, Todd and Suzy, whatever works!

Prefectdt: Yes, I have used self-administration, which I do not enjoy and do not talk about much, but it does have a certain level of success. I'm in agreement with those here saying that a reward or good boy/girl spanking would be a good thing to try, but the opportunity has never been available for me.

Anon #2: Yes, It started the whole DD in our house with my wife and me. We had always used spanking in the bedroom before that, but never anything else. She had been dieting for six months with some success, but she had been stalled for a while. I decided that I needed to loose weight to get off so many meds. After two weeks of going no place, I searched the net and discovered DD for weight loss at a couple of sites. I sheepishly asked my wife if she could spank to help me with reminders, eating, and exercise. She took to it like a duck to water! That was six months ago. I have lost 52 pounds and learned to cook healthy. I never cooked a day in my life and now do almost every day. My wife has lost 35 pounds since we started. She gives me reminders every week. We have a weekly weigh in and track our weekly goals and progress on a grease board.

Our reward to each other is an eight-day cruise in October. I have not yet been spanked for not reaching a goal although I have not made it many times. I have been told to get out of bed and bend over for not working out or NOT eating enough or forgetting to encourage her to work out. I have received many reward (good boy) spankings and related very hot sexual encounters. Since we have added DD to our whole lifestyle and things could not be better. I am seven pounds from my final goal. This is a commitment to each other.

Zille: There are some ginger cookies which I have simply no control over consuming – they are just too good! So after I'd tried for some months to maintain a healthy relationship with these cookies, I had to ask my Master if we could have a rule that I must ask permission before I can eat one of those wicked ginger cookies.

I've never needed to be punished for breaking the rule (as it's my ass on the line in more than one sense – i.e. that my ass is a reasonable size and doesn't need to get much bigger!) and it has helped me get in control with regards to those cookies. I think I wouldn't even need the rule now, but it's fun to have to ask!

The thing I need to get punished for is skipping yoga. If I do yoga two or three times a week, my body and emotional well-being really show the results. But it's just so easy to get caught up with something, put it off and off all day long, and end up saying, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." And of course, it's always today, isn't it?! So he and I have been talking about setting up punishments for that. It can only end in happiness either way: either I am lookin' good and feelin' fine or he gets to punish me for a real infraction, which he really, um, gets off on! (And so do I, just not while it's happening!).

Anon VII: What a coincidence that you should post that question! Meg and I began that aspect of our now very long, exclusive relationship back in our college days when she was fretting about being a choc-a-holic who was also into fitness. I teasingly (well, mostly teasingly, but admittedly with a tiny bit of hope) told her that I could keep her in line with my fraternity paddle. To my surprise, she immediately took me up on the offer, then admitted cheating on her diet a couple of evenings later and insisted that I had to do what we'd agreed upon. She was perfectly dressed for the occasion, in a cute short skirt, a blouse with puffy sleeves, heels, and (best of all) panties with the college logo across the seat. She was more than a little surprised at how much the swats stung, but she still pounced on me and took me down afterward, even though I made at least two of her! Soon enough, we were getting out the board of education for no reason except pure fun.

Bonnie: Randy and I don’t employ diet spankings, but probably not for the reason you might think. I don’t do diets. At least for me, the only safe and effective way to attain and maintain a healthy body is through permanent lifestyle choices. Short term changes cannot achieve long term results.

With that said, Randy and I have no shortage of reasons to share a good spanking. He often compliments my “nicely curved posterior.” I want to be attractive for him, especially when we are intimate. So, perhaps in this roundabout manner, spankings do motivate me to watch what I eat.

Angie: This has never been an issue for me (I have plenty of other issues, though...), but I've had quite a few friends who have tried DD to help with their weight loss. What most seem to have found echoes what the others here already wrote. In most cases, they didn't worry so much about X lbs lost per week, but whether basic diet rules and exercise rules have been followed. If not, well, there were unpleasant consequences.

And for those who like spankings as rewards, what they found was to not wait until the end of the week, but to reward frequently, such as when a goal was reached or when she had been good that day.

Katia: We have used spanking when I have cheated on my diet or skipped my exercise. I have never been spanked because of not losing weight. One thing I do is journal what I eat and Luke looks over it. It also makes you think about what you stick in your mouth when the calorie content in staring back at you. There are a few free sites such as fitday.com, and I use Lose it, which is a free application on my phone.

Val: How about this, diet spanking-wise? After a serious spanking, if all went right, one feels so high floating that appetite for eating anything is just not there. I know this because it happened to me many times. Afterward, when I am all done and still in sub space, I could skip dinner or any food or drink for that matter. The glow is plenty enough for me. Even the next morning, I wouldn't really feel like eating, being still high. So there you go. A good quality spanking before table time will cut down the food appetite, hence a reliable diet aid.

Kyle: How about fiscal responsibility through spankings? My girlfriend doesn't need to diet, but most of her bottom warmings are inspired by her spending habits.

Thanks to everyone who joined in our discussion this week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #181

It's time again for our spanko brunch. This week's topic was suggested by an MBS reader. It concerns the use of spanking as a motivator for weight loss. Todd and Suzy have a regular feature focusing on spanking and diets. Some of their participants seem to enjoy considerable success. But this week, we're interested in what you think.

Have you or your partner used spanking to reinforce a diet and/or weight loss program? If so, how effective was it? Why do you think it was successful or unsuccessful? If you haven't tried this technique, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to answer our question, I invite you to leave a comment below. Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Happy Independence Day

What's that? Another holiday so soon after Consensual Spanking Day?

Yes, for those of us in the United States, it's Independence Day. This is a holiday to commemorate the founding of our republic. It's also a fine day for a parade, a picnic, and a fireworks show.

On this Independence Day, we celebrate freedom of many sorts. Freedom of speech, religion, press, and association are all pillars of our democracy. We also salute the many contributions and sacrifices of citizens who established and protected these freedoms.

But there are other, more individual freedoms that we spankos can recognize. It's great, for example, to be free from inhibitions that might otherwise prevent us from enjoying this favorite pastime. We can also celebrate freedom from the belief that in order to be equal, women must always be strong. I am particularly proud to be free to explore my sexuality at home with Randy and, in a somewhat different fashion, here on this blog.

It's an exquisite irony that I should use my precious freedom to choose to be submissive. But having the ability to choose makes the choice itself all the more meaningful.

Happy July 4th!