Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 31

Our topic this week was first reactions when one hears the work “spanking” in an unexpected context. Here are your responses.

Daisy: My first thought? "Yes, oh, yes please....!"

Never mind the context in which it was SAID, the word sends a delicious shiver right through me. I couldn't describe it as pure pleasure, nor as dread. It falls somewhere between the two, with a chunk of each. Ha ha. But the feeling is still one of longing... for that special moment to arrive.

Thomas: Regardless of where I hear it, my ears perk up a little and I try to hear more of what's being said. Chances are, unless they're talking about spanking children, I'm going to stick my nose in and make some kind of comment about it. If I'm wearing one of my spanking t-shirts or hat, I may even offer my services to whatever naughty party is being marked as deserving. ;)

Michelle: My ears perk up, and I listen to the conversation. It doesn't matter whether they are talking about Shadow Lane spanking videos or a brand spanking new car, my spine tingles and I start to get excited.

Girl: Oh God, it's always embarrassing. When I think of the top ten words I find most erotic, spanking is the number one. Thus, when I hear terms like "The Roman's spanked the Greeks in that war" (my Social Studies teacher in high school loved to used the word "spanked" for won) or "They spanked the opposition" to be more general, I get a little flushed. I would simply never use the word outside of innuendo and sexual context. My partner and I both tend to get a smirk when spanking is brought up. Toying with the vanillas who know what we do can be terribly amusing. But overall, I just perk up. Who knows? If they're talking about spanking, the person in question might just make a new friend!

Heather: Typically, I don't think a whole lot about it. I know that's not the response you're looking for, but that's how it is for me.

Lucy: I'm convinced that I've "outed" myself to strangers this way. When I hear the word in any context, my face goes bright red and a delicious shiver runs through my spine. I'm always afraid that people can tell I'm aroused by the word. I definitely have to agree with Girl. It's not a word that I tend to use in day to day conversations because it is so sexually charged in my mind.

Stacy: My first thought is usually a mix between a "Oh yes, please!" and a "When and where?" thought. This is usually followed by butterflies or shivers, or a smirk, or a leap of the heart.

Naomi: I don't even know. My reaction is somewhere behind the locked door of my subconscious, so trying to pin a special word or description on it is hopeless, and would probably end up being false.

However, I can tell you that my stomach gets a tickle in it and I get nervous. This is especially true when it's a family member saying the word. I automatically assume they know that Scott spanks me, at least for a split second, and then I go back to reality, take a deep breath and go on, unfathomed.

It's a pretty strange experience, actually. I'd rather not have people say the word 'spanking' around me. LOL. Even when Scott says the word 'spanking' I get nervous. I don't think it's in fear. It's more in an anxious sort of embarrassed way.

I'm so used to being secretive and ashamed of my spanking desires that even the word being said brings me back to those days.

Dr. Ken: If a female uses the word "spanking" in some way, my inevitable thought is, "Yeah, I'd like to give YOU a spanking." If it's a male using the word, I usually wind up thinking, "I wish I had somebody at home to spank..."

Paul: Being a widower Dom my feeling is one of gentle regret.

Hermione: My first thought is usually "Did I really hear that?" But thinking happens a long time after all of the uncontrollable physical responses that immediately occur. Like several others who have responded, my face flushes, my heart rate and breathing speed up, and I become sexually aroused. If I hear the word at work, I try not to react further, but if I'm at home and hear it on the radio or television, then it's safe to laugh or comment. In either case, I listen carefully because I hope to hear more.

Prefectdt: Nearly twenty years of living a very secretive life, even from most other spankos, has left me with a knee jerk reaction of "run and hide." I have to fight this off, as I am now trying to be as out as possible, even with my vanilla friends, without freaking them out about it.

Now, as long as the conversation is not about kids or my mother is there, I try to use the situation to be a little more honest about myself than I used to be with people.

Frank Spanko: When I hear the work "spanking" uttered, I usually think of, well, spankings.

Mike: One of the first thoughts that comes to mind is whether the person who said it is into spanking or not?

Kate: I think of my Master's hands on my rosy bottom!

Greenwoman: I'm all ears...*grins*

I usually look down at my hands immediately so that my expression betrays nothing, but I'm all ears. The next thoughts will go one of two ways, as spankee or spanker... Of course, those thoughts are typical once they get there, so I'm sure you don't need me to say the rest. *winks and smiles*

Anon VII: To me, the word is intertwined inseparably with private, intense personal intimacy between two adults. I'm not into spanking children (many years ago, I gave my now-grown daughter one little pop with my hand on one occasion for spitting in a fit of temper), and Meg and I aren't into punishment, so to me the punitive implications are alien. For that reason, it grates on my nerves to hear it referred to either flippantly or as a threat. Occasionally, I overhear a wife or lady-friend tease her significant other with what's rather clearly an invitation, but to me that's a public display of affection unless I have reason to infer from facial expression, tone of voice, or situational context that it's a taunt, to which I do not care to be privy.

Along with the frankly sexual connotation of the word, there is to me an implication of trust - confidence that the other will not be abusive but will provide the recipient with a high level of pleasure. I'm aware, of course, that I'm reading into that the manner in which Meg and I use the word, and that such does not always apply to everyone. Hence, when I hear the word used in a way that I cannot reconcile with that view, I cringe.

Jujubees: No matter where I am, I do a double take. I can't help it and I always hope no one is onto me.

Anon: Awhile back, my boss made a comment that I had "spanked" him. I think I played it off well, but I also wonder if he can tell.

Maryann: I heard the word just yesterday at the mall and shot a grin at Max. Then I realized a mother was threatening her little girl and it didn't seem fun any more. :(

Our Bottoms Burn: When I hear a female use the word, I quickly give her bottom a glance to see how spankable it is.

Yeah, I know. I am totally without any redeeming graces.

Lee: I perk up, in many different ways. It doesn't affect me that way if a kid is being threatened or punished, BUT if a "spankable" male is talking about his own childhood spankings, it does. After all, I know him NOW, and can only imagine his CURRENT reaction. I hear most of my out-of-context "spanking" this way.

Bonnie: I have a whole lot of different reactions that cascade in rapid sequence when my ears detect that magic word. To answer the question as presented, though, the very first one is “What? Did I just hear what I think I heard?”

Even if I determine that the context is not particularly appealing, the word stays with me and energizes my sexual interest. If the rest of the conversation (or that portion I can manage to overhear) is irrelevant, my mind is off and flying with my own spanking-oriented fantasies. Should, however, the discussion provide fodder for my imagination, so much the better!

As with many things, the moment of reckoning is swift and unavoidable. I ask myself whether I am blushing (probably), whether anyone has noticed (perhaps), and whether I can hide my enthusiastic reaction (doubtful). I next locate some small item in my purse that seems to require my complete and immediate attention. The fact that I don’t conceal my intense interest very effectively doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try, and a valiant try it is. But I can’t help it. It’s my kink.

Thank you again, dear friends, for joining our Sunday get together. I hope you will stop back next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #137

It's a good month when we get the opportunity to gather for brunch five times. In fact, it's been a very fine month indeed.

As a change of pace, I actually came up with the question of the week myself. :D

When you hear someone say the word "spanking" in an unexpected context, what is your first thought?

I invite you to participate in our discussion by entering a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary,

A New Word Cloud

I used to have a word cloud in my side bar and I found it a source of both insight and amusement. When the site stopped updating it, I removed the word cloud, but that event didn't end my fascination.

A reader recently sent me a new word cloud based upon this blog.


Pretty cool, huh? At a single glance, the main topic of my blog is quite evident.

Arrrrr, There Be Pirates 'Ere

My pirate name is:

Red Anne Flint

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 24

Our topic this week concerned activities that can intensify the ouch from a spanking. As you can see, your answers were quite varied.

K: I don't really have much ouch after a spanking, but there must be activities that will accentuate it. All of my spankings have been followed by other intimate activities which are usually followed by sleep. Some positions accentuate the warm tingle from a spanking more than others. If there's any residual tingling the next day, my favorite way to accentuate it is to wiggle subtly in the pew at church and whisper naughty things to my husband.

Heather: There was one time where the simple act of walking drove me to tears back when I was with one of the abusive partners. But almost anything, including sitting, immediately reminds me of (as if I need reminding) and accentuates the ouch.

Thomas: Are we talking about normal things that accentuate the ouch or artificial means? I'm going to assume that we're talking about the latter. Tracing fingernails over a spanked bottom will get most spankees' hair on end, as will squeezing or massaging the spanked areas. My favorite trick to keep a girl feeling the burn for hours, even days, afterwards, is the simple application of capsaicin cream after the spanking. The capsaicin reacts from the heat of the spanked flesh, causing a burn that won't soon be forgotten. To increase the burn, simply spank the person AFTER you've applied that dose of capsaicin. If the heat of freshly spanked buns will get the capsaicin going, then a quick reheating will set it on fire.

Daisy: Thomas, I have no idea what capsaicin is, but it sounds sadistic! DO NOT tell my BF of this stuff!

He massages in the sting and then makes me sit on a hard chair and lift my feet off the floor... Ooooowwwwwccccchhhhhh!

Eliane: Yup, I agree with Daisy, being made to sit on a hard wooden chair (with slats, OUCH!) will always keep the burn going.

Prefectdt: For me, it’s not so much sitting on a hard chair as getting up after sitting on a hard chair after a spanking. Aaaarg!

There’s also riding a bicycle with a normal (not gel) saddle.

The one that puzzles me, though, is that drinking too much coffee before the event makes the pain last longer after the event.

Paul: All normal activities will accentuate the ouch. Our normal sequel rubbed in the ouch. Mel never complained. She loved the reminders.

Hermione: Apart from a few notable exceptions, the real "ouch" doesn't set in until an hour or two after a spanking. Then a playful swat or squeeze really hurts. Sitting in a soft chair that hugs my whole bottom is just as uncomfortable as sitting on a hard one. Wearing a thong under rough denim jeans also guarantees additional discomfort, and I wouldn't try that until the day after.

Greenwoman: Often times, when I get one spanking in a day, I get more than one. So, for me, the spankings rub in the sting. *grins*

Ofia: My list would include wearing jeans or something similar. There’s also anything that keeps the heat in or brings the heat back, such as a hot shower or sitting in a car seat or restaurant booth. Another spanking definitely heightens the ouch as does a few hours sitting in a hard chair.

D: Physically, pinching or a full hand cheek grab always leaves a lasting "ouch" impression.

Mentally, it has to be corner time (which I don't care for at all). When I get corner time after a spanking, the majority of my concentration is on my freshly spanked bottom. So the sting and "ouch" factor lasts for an even longer period of time.

Cookie: Daisy, you really don't want to have to experience that capsaicin stuff. But it does make the feeling last for a few days. As far as a regular spanking, there are things already mentioned said such as jeans, sitting on hard things, squeezing, etc.

Girl: Oi, being bitten. Spanking, unless it's punishment or very nasty, rarely makes me cry. But the moment he bites on freshly tanned flesh, I'm in tears, and possibly screaming. It's both nice and TERRIBLE.

Marcus: Ginger root can add to the pain of a spanking rather nicely. Spanking in the A position can also contribute by adding a dimension of discomfort. The combination of push-ups with a spanking tends to be rather tedious. It could get pretty difficult to maintain proper form after a while. Of course, the eight count push up could take it up another notch.

Chores may also add to the pain of the spanking. While the chores are being completed, a butt plug, ginger root, or another item of the spanker's choice could be worn in the sore bottom. Dripping candle wax on a well-spanked bottom could do the trick as well. Spanking and brushing an already beautifully reddened sit spot with the bristles of a bath or hairbrush could heat things up some too. In addition to the aforementioned, rough post-spanking romance can be a great way to spice up the "ouch" factor.

Olivia Manners: Stinging nettles in your knickers? * smiles and winces *

I haven't done that, but I imagine it would definitely keep the ouch rather pronounced!

Anon: Quite by accident I discovered that using a salt scrub in the shower the morning after is NOT a good idea. OMG! Sting and ouch guaranteed.

Mary: The post spanking sex can often accentuate the ouch, but, oh, in such a good way. While in graduate school, I found that a spanking was often an effective incentive to stop procrastinating and WRITE that paper. This meant sitting for a few hours to finish the paper. I found it actually seemed to aide my focus, so I really never minded. My dining room chairs are wooden, so spanking followed by dinner can be ouchy. So I guess what I am saying is that Paul is right! "All normal activities will accentuate the ouch." Of course the occasional tap while walking certainly is effective too.

Carye: Rubbing and squeezing, and definitely another lighter spanking, accentuate it! So do chairs or benches in restaurants. :-) Warm baths and electric blankets have a nice affect too!

Bonnie: I can think of a great many ways to accentuate the ouch from a spanking, many of which I’ve experienced. Here are ten.

1. Attending events at arts or sports venues with hard seats


2. Wearing nylon and/or lycra panties, pantyhose, or shorts


3. Sitting on a barstool


4. Another spanking!


5. Riding a horse


6. Sitting with bare skin against a vinyl car seat


7. Sitting in a vibrating chair


8. Feeling the bristle side of the brush


9. Heated car seats


10. Step aerobics (Yeow!)

Thank you all for joining in our spanko brunch! I hope to see you again next week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #136

Hello again to all of our spanko brunchers! Today, we have another interesting question submitted by an MBS reader.

Are there some activities that accentuate the "ouch" after a spanking?

If you would like to join our discussion and provide your answer for this week's question, all you have to do is leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a turn, I will post an edited summary. That's all there is to it. I encourage you to jump in and let your voice be heard.

In Praise of Dangerous Curves

While waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store recently, my eyes drifted over to those dopey magazines that are prominently displayed. One headline in particular grabbed my attention:

The Perfect Cover-up for Large Bottoms
I was already slightly annoyed by having to wait so long, but this banner just lit my fuse.

I've had a big backside for as long as I can remember. As a teenager, I recall my friends acquiring headlights. I got the rumble seat instead. I felt self-conscious about my curves and often thought that men (and even occasionally women) were staring at my protruding posterior. I tried to disguise it with dresses, skirts, big shirts, and slacks of various styles. But nothing seemed to work.

The popular media, then as now, favored the anorexic heroin-addict waif look. I knew my body didn't fit that model and never would. There was simply no way.


At the same time, every lover I ever had (and especially Randy) took great pleasure in touching, caressing, squeezing, spanking, grabbing, and kissing the skin of my derriere. It took years, but eventually, I came around to the perspective that maybe broad and round was all right. It was a revelation for me that many men actually prefer partners equipped with padded seats. Perhaps, I concluded, those magazines had it all wrong.


Today, I refuse to be ashamed of my body. In fact, I think I look pretty decent and Randy agrees. Yes, my hips are wide and I do have a large bottom. So what? I refuse to hide beneath some unattractive smock just so twenty-something fashion models can feel comfortable about their own distorted body images. I am an adult woman and that's precisely how I look. Real women have curves and I have come to believe that's a good, healthy look.

It's been said that to truly love another, we must first learn to love ourselves. Appreciating our bodies is a first step along this road. It's little wonder that art students have been using pears as still life subjects for centuries. It's a beautiful shape. If we could see ourselves as our lovers see us, we would never feel self-conscious again.

I wish I had figured out this stuff thirty years ago. Life would have been a lot simpler.

OK, it's back to school time, so here's your homework...

Men: Tell your partner that you love the way she looks, and then show her as only you can.

Women: When he compliments you, the appropriate response is a gracious "Thank you." Find your beauty, within and without, and let it shine for your lover.

All About Linky Love

Every so often, I get e-mails from bloggers who want to know whether I will link their blog, why I haven't linked them, or why I removed their link. I have answered these questions before, but it's been at least a year, so it's probably worth reiterating.

I can only link blogs if I know about them. I can and do watch for new spanking-oriented blogs. Helpful readers also share their new finds. However, it's impossible for me to discover every one. If you believe your blog might be of interest to MBS readers, please e-mail me the URL and I will take a look. Subject to the factors listed below, I will consider your blog for inclusion in my blogroll.

As you can see, my blogroll is fairly exhaustive. There are currently over 200 links. I think of the blogroll as one of the highlights of MBS and many readers seem to agree.

The list represents a wide ranging mix of topics including spanking, domestic discipline, dominance and submission, erotic adventures, bondage, and BDSM. Naturally, I cannot maintain a list that includes every blog that touches on any of these subjects. There are quite literally thousands of them. I look first and foremost for content related to consensual adult spanking. That is the main topic for this blog and the reason most readers come here. I also include selected blogs that discuss related subjects if I believe the author offers a unique and valuable perspective that spanking enthusiasts will appreciate.

There are eight elements that cause me to not want to link a blog:

1. Depicting or advocating the spanking of children


2. Absence of clear consent


3. Serious injuries inflicted


4. Misogyny


5. Gratuitous graphic sexual photographs


6. Wholly commercial content


7. Extremely crude or ill-mannered text


8. Minimal spanking-related content

Beyond these specific concerns, I tend to be open minded, especially if I like the spanking content. I don't assume that everyone's relationship will operate as ours does. In fact, I believe that presenting a rainbow of possibilities best serves a diverse MBS readership.

I routinely delete links for blogs that have become stale. I define stale as no meaningful posts for at least two months. By this stage, I have to assume the blogger has abandoned the blog or has taken an extended break. I also remove broken links and links to private blogs immediately. A blogroll full of stale and broken links would quickly frustrate readers, so I strive to avoid this problem.

If I removed your link, it doesn't mean I don't like you any more. In fact, making these decisions is very difficult for me. It feels like letting go of a friend.

If you've decided that you want to return to active blogging or if you think I've removed your link in error, please e-mail me and we'll get everything straightened out.

In summary, I maintain an extensive blogroll primarily as a service to readers. It simply cannot be all things to all people. Hopefully, however, it can be a useful resource for adult spanking enthusiasts.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 17

Our question this week came from Greenwoman. She asked about limits possibly being a barrier to submission. Here are your thoughts.

Abby: Having my own blog has allowed me to sort out these types of issues, and the question of limits and barriers is one I have certainly struggled with over the years.

I have finally landed at a place where I don't have set limits, but that is after fifteen years of experimenting and getting to know myself. I don't think limits should ever be up to the partner. That may sound denying at first, or topping from below, but I really do believe that what we experience is personal. We may be willing to experience more with one partner rather than another, but ultimately, these are our bodies and no one else's. That goes for tops as well as bottoms. You should never be made to inflict more pain than you are willing to cause, just as bottoms should never have to bear more than they are willing to receive.

Full submission is giving everything one has. If I only have 12 strokes in me, then my partner taking 24 is inappropriate, unless I have signaled that after 12, I'm ready for more. If I have 48 in me, and only 12 are taken, I'm going to be left feeling unfulfilled. But what if my partner isn't up for inflicting that much punishment?

It's a known fact that people sometimes fake orgasm, out of exhaustion or kindness or some other personal reason. Sometimes, you might have a great experience, but you're just not going to come. Corporal punishment is no different. Sometimes, you might not be able to give or receive everything you want, but you have to make do with what is there. If you're in a partnership, that's more important than personal fulfillment. And personal limits are more important than the partnership. It's all about knowing what is right for you and your partner, and being willing to give and receive accordingly.

For newbies, I would recommend never being afraid of one's own limits. I used to even avoid fiction concerning the cane, and if you know me now, you know it's my favorite implement. That's after years of exploration. We do this because we love it, and because we love those with whom we do it. Pushing our limits is fun. Breaking them before we're ready can be devastating. So explore, slowly and steadily, and if my own experience is anything to go on, your partner will grow with you.

Anon #1: I tend to be someone who avoids taking unnecessary risk. Therefore, I avoid anything other than the hand. Such implements were used on me in a less than appropriate manner when I was a very young child. Because of this, I am afraid of the belt or anything other than the hand. It’s a bit like the saying "Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me."

There are even limits on what I will allow with the hand. After one boyfriend left bruises on me with his hand, I decided that I will only allow it so hard and no harder. I am afraid to push that limit for fear it could turn abusive, even though I love my husband dearly. I understand things are different with one partner than with another. But some things are hard to get over, like three abusive boyfriends before I got married. I love and trust hubby, but still there is only so far I allow him to go. I know now never to push the limits.

Mary: I think limits are healthy. I love the way Abby talked about submission as giving all that you have. I have also found that as trust has been allowed to grow, things I once feared are now actually craved. I think it is about exploration. When one of us presents an idea, we allow the other time to mull it over (we are both a bit cerebral that way). Sometimes, fears and concerns are discussed. Sometimes, I have provided a tiny opening, or he has threatened to use something if I don't change my actions (thus giving me a chance to NOT go there – it’s very effective at times). But having the idea out there starts to build curiosity. Eventually, I might indicate a circumstance where something would be okay. Then, the magic is that whenever anything is new, it is introduced so gently and in small bits. We don't worry about "topping" as although discipline and play are part of the relationship. The decision about what action is disciplined and what punishment/or play is okay is decided with mutual respect and each honoring each other's limits as well as exploring each other's desires.

Anon #2: There are many kinds of limits including physical, mental, and emotional limits. My former top accused, convicted, and scheduled me for punishment for something I did not do. He didn’t even bother to ask me if I had done it. If it had been the first time, I might have been able to forgive. But it was not. If it had been for something silly, it would have been OK. But it was not. I had been willing to go far outside of my comfort zone to please her. I wanted to make it work. She found my limit, insisted that I go farther, and then we were no more.

PM Duo: I think of limits more as yield signs. For us, they are a place where we stop and talk about how we think extending the limit will feel and how we want to handle it if it doesn't work for one of us.

What we've decided is that it definitely has to stop at the place where one partner is uncomfortable. Over a nine year span, we've tried a lot of different things and pushed our limits pretty regularly. We've found there are things that I like that he is simply not comfortable doing and vice-versa.

One good example is bondage. He brought it up and I was in favor of it though a little nervous. We talked about it for a couple of weeks before deciding to try it. Now, mind you, this was pretty mild bondage, he used scarves tied very loosely. For the first couple of minutes, I kind of enjoyed it and then, for some reason, I just freaked out and became hysterical. He immediately took them off and comforted me. I'm still not sure why it affected me so strongly.

In the physical aspect of our relationship, I'm definitely submissive and willing to let him do pretty much anything he wants, but this was something I just couldn't handle. Later, when we discussed it, he admitted that he had really enjoyed it (up until I became hysterical), but neither one of us was willing to do something again that so clearly upset me.

Neither one of us think I am any less submissive because I'm unwilling to be tied up. It's a limit that we tried to transcend, but it didn't work and we both respect that.

Daisy: No one can give more than their all. And no loving partner would want or expect more than that.

There is nothing wrong with gently pushing/testing the limits of a partner, as long as both have the confidence and trust in each other to say, "that’s enough," and knowing it will not cause resentment. I do not feel that having a point beyond which you cannot go is a barrier to full submission at all. There are many reasons why this may be the case. Pushing beyond limits could damage the relationship if either partner is unable to go there and feels pressured. Use intuition, instinct, sensitivity, and intimate knowledge of your partner’s needs, and with good communication, you can't go far wrong.

Dr. Ken: There are limits, and then there are hard limits. You can push the limits a little bit – I think most spankees expect it, to a small extent – but a hard limit you do not break, you do not go beyond, and you do not push. Everyone has hard limits. There are things they will not do. There are points you just don't exceed. And if your partner is any kind of a partner at all, they know and accept that and don't try to force the issue.

The question states, "However, in a trusting relationship, limits can seem as though they are barriers to full submission." I totally disagree with that sentence. Someone's limits were probably in place long before they entered into a trusting relationship, and once in a relationship, you trust the other person will respect your limits. Trying to force someone to go beyond what they're willing to take starts becoming abusive, IMO...

Hermione: I agree with Daisy. There is nothing wrong with pushing the limits of either partner if you are in a trusting relationship. Trust is the key to it. And as Dr. Ken said, spankees expect their limits to be pushed a certain amount.

I also disagree that limits are a barrier to full submission. I fully submit to my husband, regardless of which end of the scale we are playing at in terms of either his or my limits. The more each of us pushes our own personal limits, the farther we can comfortably go. As Mary said, it's about exploration. Ron has gone far beyond what was once the limit of how hard he would play, and he has taken me past anything I have previously experienced. But it took time and patience to get there.

Limits can and do change over time, although they don't have to if it isn't right for you. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

Paul: I think that the answer, from the Top’s point of view, lies in the ability to read one’s partner. Of course, limits must be respected on both sides.

Where love, trust and communication exist, problems shouldn't arise.

Greenwoman: This question has dangled in my consciousness for years now. It’s a part of my ongoing internal inquiry as a submissive. So it felt interesting to me to share it with the community when it rose in me again recently... leading to some big decisions for me.

In reading today, I have related to most everyone in one aspect or another. I think that my overall viewpoint is like Abby's. I think it needful to stop when I'm well cooked, and not before or after. Frankly, that does vary from day to day.

And my other overall remark echoes Dr. Ken and Paul's viewpoints. Hard limits have to be respected by all concerned, as they are a matter of essential trust.

Part of the reason this question is of interest to me is, like the first anonymous commenter, I experienced abuse as a girl. There are some types of play that are a serious stretch or that are absolutely hard limits for me when they might otherwise not be. So, my answer has always been to stop while I'm whole.

Him: In my mind, limits are fluid, ill-defined things. They seem (for me) to change from day to day.

On the bottom, I've rarely had my limits pushed. I can think of only one occasion where it had gotten close to a danger zone, and the entire time She had been very careful to stay in tune with me.

Limits are harder when I'm on the top. It's fun to push them, to keep gently pressing Her past the point where she wants to stop. I can tell when it's time to stop, but actually stopping is quite an act of will!

Are limits an obstacle to submission? I don't think so, and that's what counts for me. I don't think there's a single gold standard definition on submission... which is part of the beauty of it.

RPT: Before any limits get pushed, the participants should talk about it. We know where the limits are, and sometimes, it's nice to be pushed. So a talk about how and when and where is the prologue to the play. Then, afterwards, we discuss how it worked out.

But effective communication is the secret to a good relationship, whatever the style, vanilla or kinky.

Dragon Mage: From my point of view (as the dominant partner), limits are not barriers to full submission. When we began to explore BDSM, Luvbunny had several limits that have since been expanded. She still has a few that remain and she has at least one that we tried to stretch. She wanted to move past it very badly as it was something that I wanted, but she simply is not able to go past that limit (as Greenwoman and others posted, this limit is related to abuse when she was a child).

It is certainly possibly to not push far enough, and also to push too far. I don't think there is an easy or simple answer regarding when pushing limits should stop. With some limits, we stop sooner than others.

Elle: If you love and trust someone, you respect their limits. In the past, I have had issues with men who clearly didn't love me or who I really shouldn't have trusted. These incidents left me severely bruised or bleeding and generally went far beyond the kinky fun that I'm interested in.

I'm not someone who enjoys anything too extreme. My kink is about sensual and sexual pleasure and not discipline or serious pain. Limits are fluid (as has already been said) and mine do change. But, in general, I would say compatibility and mutual trust remove the need for specified limits as such. If you and your partner are in tune with each other, you can communicate your needs (even if they vary from time to time) without having explicit barriers.

I find it's different every single time, and that's as it should be. If I ever start finding sex boring, I'll know it's the end of it all.

Maryann: Thanks for the topic. All the responses are very helpful to a newbie like me.

I started with Bonnie's blog in my spanking education and assumed I'd be a lot like her ~ submissive sexually and for spanking play, but not for discipline/punishment. In just a few short months, that is already changing a little. I followed a series of posts by Mike on Spanked Hubby" about the benefits of loving discipline and began to get more comfortable with the idea. Now we are slowly moving the game a little deeper.

Like so many who have already posted, I like to have my limits stretched. But Max would not allow me to go too far too fast. That is the wonderful thing about having such a responsible, loving Top! He sets the limits and holds me back most of the time. So, when does push a limit of mine, I pretty much trust him to know what is good for me.

I'm as submissive to Max as he and I want right now, so I guess that is the only limit that counts.

M.Yu: Excellent discussion. Please accept this award from a humble admirer.

Wow. Thank you, M.Yu!

Lucy: There are some limits that, given the right timing, I will push. I think most limits can be pushed a little, but there are some that I have for a reason. I know that certain things are beyond my ability to tolerate and will ultimately cause strife between me and my Top. To me, it's doesn't show a lack of submission to acknowledge that you are human and can only be pushed so far before you snap.

Naomi: I think there are definitely limits, but it is important that you both know them! I don't think anyone should get in a serious 'spanking' relationship where trust and knowledge of one another isn't developed all the way.

It is important for the spanker to KNOW the limits of the person he's spanking. Scott and I use a safeword, and there are times where I call it. Before he'll stop completely, he questions me. Usually he'll stop, but we always continue the spanking later. I don't feel less submissive, and I don't think it makes anyone less submissive.

I think that if you truly trust the person who is spanking you, your limits are a bit more than what they would be if it were someone that you DIDN'T trust. If you trust someone completely, you will know, even when it seems to be too much, that they won't do more than you can handle.

Terpsichore: Being new to this, I find everyone's comments and sharing to be very helpful and thought provoking. Much of what has been said speaks to me, such as mutual trust and respect, giving all that you have, listening to one another, exploring slowly and steadily to find one's and one's partner's limits, knowing your partner well enough to know when to push and when not to, and it being about the journey. There are a lot of great thoughts. I am afraid I have not much to add, but thank you. :-)

K: I'm sure I have limits, but they are not clearly defined yet. We are still exploring and experimenting and learning what we like or don't like. I haven't had any limits pushed. If anything, I may have pushed my hubby's limits by asking for more than he was comfortable with. He's discovered he likes spanking me hard, though we probably don't play nearly as hard as some couples do. I think I may have created a monster, but one I'm thoroughly enjoying.

Submission isn't really something we have much experience with. I've given my submission verbally, but Hubby is only just starting to embrace the idea and explore what he can do with it. I don't think discovering my limits will diminish my submission.

Bonnie: I choose to frame the issue a bit differently. I believe that submission is a precious gift. A gracious recipient will accept it as such. No gift encompasses all things in the world. Rather, this gift comes with a few sensible boundaries. The dominant may sometimes desire to extend those boundaries, and with prior consent, may do so. With mutual understanding and effective communication, endless adventures are available.

Thank you all for making this a fascinating brunch topic. I really enjoyed reading the many various perspectives. I hope you'll stop again next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #135

Welcome to our weekly spanko brunch. The brunch provides an opportunity for the community to discuss topics of common interest. Today's question was contributed by our friend and long time brunch participant, Greenwoman.

Everyone has emotional or physical limits. Most bottoms want to please their Top. However, in a trusting relationship, limits can seem as though they are barriers to full submission. Is this true for you? Is it possible to go too far or not far enough? When should limit pushing stop? Does it mean that you aren't fully submissive if you get to a place where you just can't or shouldn't push any farther?

If you would like to add your thoughts, I invite you to enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Q and A: Spanking Research

A college student contacted me recently regarding some research she is doing. In support of her efforts, I agreed to answer a series of questions about domestic discipline, spanking, and D/s lifestyles.

I thought you might enjoy reading these questions and answers.

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1. Was it a struggle to decide that the DD lifestyle was best for you?

I don’t consider the lifestyle I share with Randy to be domestic discipline, at least not based upon the commonly recognized definition. My submission ends at the bedroom door. The rest of time, our relationship operates more or less as an equal partnership. The concept of punishment is foreign to us. He is no more qualified to stand in judgment of my behavior than I am for his.

To address your question more generically, there was no definitive moment in terms of choosing our lifestyle. It is the more the product of years of gradual refinement. We do what we enjoy and our tastes have evolved considerably over time. So, no, I wouldn't call it a struggle.


2. Did you research it or look through blogs?

(Laughing) I wish! When we started, there was no Internet, let alone blogs. There were few, if any, resources available. We figured there must be other people who shared our interest, but we had no means to make contact. The meager printed material available seemed to emphasize heavy BDSM aspects that didn’t appeal to us. We had little choice but to figure out everything on our own.

When the Internet arrived, we were pleasantly surprised by the popularity of recreational spanking. I vividly recall the feelings of confirmation and acceptance when I walked into virtual communities with thousands of like minded people from all over the world. Even today, I encounter many, many people who are only now discovering that their feelings are normal and that they are far from alone.


3. Has it been difficult for you to submit to your partner?

There have certainly been occasions when I was simply not in the mood. But beyond that, submission is an important part of my sexuality and I embrace it as such. I don’t find it difficult to submit. In fact, it feels very natural most of time.


4. Does it ever make you feel too vulnerable or uncomfortable?

In the early years, I used to second guess my choices sometimes. Without any real reference point, I wondered whether we had wandered too far from “normal” (whatever that was). I was generally able to chase these doubts away by recognizing how positive our experiences were.

I love spankings and the lovemaking that follows. I always have. During a spanking, I am the special one. I hold his complete attention and he handles my body in ways I adore. The pain is there, but it’s not the purpose. It’s more a necessary byproduct. I find the experience to be exhilarating and redemptive. I am once again happy to be alive and in love with a man who understands my needs.

There have certainly been times when I felt too vulnerable, but the sensation passed without any lasting negative impact. In fact, there is a strength that comes from overcoming one’s fears. Working through labor and childbirth made me a stronger and more confident person. In the same way, I think getting beyond my inhibitions in the bedroom helped me to believe in my own capabilities.


5. I agree with you that a strong woman deciding what works best for her is ABSOLUTELY feminism, but many people don't see it that way – Did those old stereotypes force you to have second thoughts about your decision?

Yes, of course. I grew up in the 1960s. Feminism was beginning to take root, but equality of any kind was still a distant dream. Women were expected to live within prescribed roles. The smart women were our teachers, nurses, and librarians. In today’s world, these women might be CEOs, senators, and scientists. I think it’s difficult for people in our daughters' generation to realize how much progress we’ve made.

When I came of age in the 1970s, it was a time of transition. The old rules were suddenly not so relevant, but there was no new compact to replace them. Many people did as they pleased, many objected, and culture clashes inevitably ensued. This was the backdrop for my personal sexual revolution.

I considered myself a feminist (and I still do). I wanted control over my body, my mind, and my life. I believed to my core that my value was no less than any man.

And yet, the desire for spanking and submission is also an undeniable part of my being. The way I reconciled these two seemly opposing values was to define play as precisely that. It’s recreation for us. Our spankings don’t demean me or lower my status. In fact, this sort of play allows me to quench my deepest sexual thirst.


6. Are you "out" to any of your friends or family outside of the community?

No. The personal cost is still too great. We have people in our lives who would be very upset and wouldn’t understand.


7. Do you think your gender determined you taking on the submissive role or do you think it was your personality?

I like to say that I am female by birth, but submissive by choice. I vehemently reject any argument that there is any correlation between the two. There are many dominant females and submissive males. These people have preferences that are every bit as legitimate as my own.


8. Regarding the gender roles, I think it would be interesting to learn the dynamics of a gay or lesbian couple practicing DD. Do you know any gays or lesbians practicing the DD lifestyle?

Yes, I do. I know lesbian couples who practice domestic discipline and others who enjoy recreational spanking.


9. What are your feelings on Christian Domestic Discipline (i.e., the woman is disciplined because the Bible says so)?

I don’t buy it. Over the years, people have used Biblical verses to justify genocide, racism, child abuse, and all manner of other abominations. Quoting scripture is not a license to do wrong.

This is not to suggest that Christians shouldn't pursue DD or that DD enthusiasts can't be Christians. But when someone is using what they perceive to be the word of God in lieu of consent, that's a very problematic situation.


10. What is the difference between domestic discipline and domestic violence?

In my mind, there is a very clear delineation and it relates to consent. True consent can be given only by an empowered adult who is free from coercion of any kind. Anything less is criminal abuse.

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So that's what I told her. I hope my answers were helpful.

In with the New: Back to School Edition

For those new to MBS, In with the New is a regular feature where where we recognize some of the newest members of our community. It is my pleasure to introduce eleven new spanking-oriented blogs. I hope you will visit and enjoy them.

Cowgirl's Spanking Journey Leia's New Musings Shiny Stuff Over The Knee Spanking Blog Katisms: Ramblings of an Uberbrat Scarlett's Letters Spanking Mrs. Smith Spanking Sandy The Rancher's Wife True Confessions of a Lifelong Spankaholic

As you explore these blogs, I encourage you to leave comments. New bloggers are typically starved for feedback. They don't know whether they are doing things right or if anyone is even out there. Your timely words of support can make the difference between a successful blog and an abandoned effort.

To these new bloggers, let me bid you welcome to our community. I look forward to watching your blogs grow and thrive. I hope you find the spanko blogging experience as rewarding as I have!

Keywords: spanking, spanking blog, spanking blogs, spanking blogger, In with the New

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 10

Our topic for this week was favorite spanking stories, fables, myths, or movies. Here are your thoughts.

Ms. Betty: I choose the Princess Bride, or the beginning of it, anyway.

I've never been the same since the first time I heard Westley whisper "as you wish."

It still makes my toes tingle...

Fanny: I have always wanted to write a different version of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." Can you just imagine how it would be for her to be the submissive to SEVEN men? As a psychologist, I realize the story was told in preparing a young woman for what her "duty" was in the world. It’s a story that illustrates the woman's tasks and the importance of learning them in puberty. However, it has always held a deeper meaning for me, and even though spanking is not in the story itself, I'm sure that in answering to seven men, Snow White wasn't always the perfect submissive. She had to be disciplined at some point in her life with them. Ah, the twists and turns a kinky and devious mind can take! Enough to make a girl wilt!

Daisy: I love the film "The Iron Maiden. It’s about a steam traction engine that gets damaged by an American lady who acts throughout like a spoiled brat until the very English owner snatches her up and throws her over his knee for a spanking. This shocks the life out of her, and needless to say, they eventually fall in love.

If I found any other film containing spanking I would love it. Unfortunately, I don't get to watch movies very often! The Quiet Man contains references to spanking, but it never actually happens... disappointing! Little House on the Prairie was my introduction to spanking, but that was children. When I was a child, I was terrified of the thought of spanking, even though it fascinated me. Apparently, True Grit contains spanking. I must try to get hold of a copy! Has anyone got a list of good films? ;)

Paul: I suppose Goldilocks would have been my first dream of spanking. If ever a girl was a brat and needed a spanking, it was her.

PM Duo: I've always been fond of the I Love Lucy episodes where Ricky pulls Lucy over his knee and spanks her!

Hermione: The movie version of St. Joan, George Bernard Shaw's play about Joan of Arc, had a moment that resonated and has stayed with me. It is the scene where Joan is bound to the stake and the fire is lit. The close-up of Jean Seberg's face, full of anguish and pain, defiance and resignation, struck a chord.

Joan was certainly a dominant and determined young woman, strong enough to lead an army to victory. Yet she was also submissive: to the voices that instructed her, to her king, and to her captors.

Radagast: The Gor books by John Norman really get to me in a generally kinky way rather than in a directly thematic one. They are poorly written and full of bizarre and, frankly, misogynistic philosophy. But the notion of someone being taken away from this world and put in another where they are forced to submit sexually is a fantasy. Lots of Victorian erotic fiction has the same theme, but the destination is often the "Near East" rather than another planet.

PK: I have to put my vote in for John Wayne in McLintock. First of all, who wouldn't have wanted to be spanked by John Wayne? There are two good spanking scenes in the movie, but that last one, wow, it does hit all spanking buttons. After pushing and pushing, Maureen O'Hara's character realizes he is going to whip her butt as soon as he gets his hands on her. Her flight through the town, knowing what is coming, is priceless! Something else that adds to the movie for me is that later in an interview, O'Hara said that in each take it was a real spanking. He was holding nothing back and was enjoying himself immensely!

Terpsichore: Only the stories in my head that have been with me since childhood :-)

P.S. - I love the movie Princess Bride too... I’m a hopeless romantic I am afraid

luvbunny: I really like the Secretary because, of course, there is a lot of spanking and that movie is very hot.

I love the way she was willing to submit to him and she even let him control her eating habits.

D: I think of Donovan's Reef. It's one of my top five favorite movies with one of my favorite men, John Wayne. To me, he is the definition of a "man's man." I’m a Navy brat and my dad was in WWII, so John Wayne movies were a requirement in our home.

I was born a year before this movie came out (1962), so I can’t tell you the first time I saw it. My guess would be age five or six. What I do know, is that it influenced me quite a bit. I think it’s my first memory of being aroused sexually.

The romantic interest in the movie is a strong woman character who is smart and beautiful, but still has a feminine side. I admired her so, and she was the type of woman I wanted to be.

And what do I remember most? The spanking scene at the end of course! At the time, I thought it was one of the most romantic, thrilling scenes I had ever witnessed. A strong man, taking in hand a strong woman, as she finally submits to him completely and willingly. I longed for a man to do the same to me. I’m sure my vanilla friends would exclaim, “How could a spanking scene be romantic?” Until now, I had to keep that little feeling to myself, but not any longer!

Weasel: The author whose work most affected me concerning women being submissive (or not, and the consequences they incurred) was Sharon Green in both her "Jalav - Amazon Warrior", and "Terrillian" series. Her heroines dealt with offworlders and dominant men. The "Gor" books were too much, but Sharon's characters portrayed independent women being brought to heel by men from otherworldly male-dominant societies.

Greenwoman: I think my mind goes to all of the bad girl character images that were around when I was a kid. Lucy in Peanuts springs to mind rather rapidly. She was sassy to the point of being acerbic and she was mean too. If anyone needed a spanking it was Lucy. I always thought Catwoman needed a spanking and I even ached to spank the Roadrunner. He was just so... untouchably irritatingly teasing. *grins*

Little Red Riding Hood comes to mind as one that's full of that D/s erotic interplay between the predator/trickster in the innocuous costume which springs up to consume the innocence of the little girl.

Now I think of it there's a lot of potential spanking moments in Gone with the Wind and in the Wizard of Oz.

In more modern times, Secretary has become so popular and I too find it fun to watch. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, is really rather violent and not at all my idea of reality, but it has something appealing in terms of letting all barriers to my aggressive nature out to play ...and that movie amuses me in relationship to it. Besides, who doesn't want to watch Brat Pitt and Angelina Jolie roll around in an aggressive prelude to rutting sex? LOL!

Marcus: I am drawn to the Mord Sith of Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. To me, they are the epitome of dominance in fantasy, though not necessarily reality. At the same time, they submit to their Lord Rahl of Dhara. Their attire is brown, white, or red leather. All of which are worn skin tight. Gloves and boots are also worn as part of the uniform of a Mord Sith. As for their hair, it is long and kept in a single braid down their backs.

Mord Sith are trained with an agiel, a magic red leather rod capable of causing excruciating pain. The agiel is another aspect of submission as its magic is bound to their Lord Rah, who they are sworn to protect at all cost.

Overall, I think that Goodkind weaves dominance and submission into his works fairly well. However, I do find the torture aspect of the Mord Sith to be disturbing in many ways. Goodkind has an answer for this, though. Richard Rahl abolishes the torture the Mord Sith have to go through to become Mord Sith.

Prefectdt: As far as fairy tales go it has to be the one called "Cinderfella" that bounces about in my head.

After being systematically abused and beaten by my evil, yet attractive, stepmother (who looks surprisingly like the dark haired Veronika, from Punished Brats, in black dresses and dark red lipstick), my fairy godmother turns up and well you know the rest. The difference is that in my version, my ugly stepbrothers get killed in a midnight coach chase (with me driving my pumpkin number 7 racing coach) around narrow mountain roads while we are exchanging shots from those lovely late 18th, early 19th century smooth bore pistols (well, I am a bloke :-) ). And when the princess finally claims me as her own, she makes it clear that when she becomes Queen she will be in charge and I will be Prince consort and not king. To make sure that I get the point, she introduces me to her well equipped palace punishment room and her darkest dungeon, just so that I know what the consequences will be if I get too big for my boots.

As far as films go the idea of Susannah York as Section Officer Harvey in the film "Battle Of Britain" marching around in her oh so MMMMMMM! RAF uniform, enforcing her authority with a rod of whatever material she wants to use, pushes a lot of my buttons.

Anon: I remember reading Nancy Friday's book of sexual fantasies, The Secret Garden, as a child and learning that other people had spanking and D/s interests. I stole the book out of my mother's room and it was definitely worth it! Recently, I enjoyed the Secretary.

Maryann: Little Red Riding Hood pushes my submissive buttons. The old woman who lived in a shoe spanking all of her children and sending them to bed captured my attention as a little girl. I now realize I had a fascination with that nursery rhyme. Cinderella is my ultimate fairy tale.

I love the movie version in "Ever After" starring Drew Barrymore. Her character, Danielle, is a wonderfully strong, smart, resourceful submissive. She even gets "a sound lashing" off screen, but we see the bleeding marks on her back. Another scene has her risking a punishment of five days in the stocks if caught dressing like a courtier. Of course, she does it for a noble cause; saving a man from slavery. In the end, she rescues herself from the bad guy, but then her prince is there on bended knee. He loves her for her strength of character and personality. She is no damsel in distress.

I am drawn to really strong characters whose ultimate motivation is a submissive one. Mulan, Belle (from Beauty and the Beast), and Maria from Sound of Music, are among my favorites.

My playful, bratty side appreciates Lilo (from Lilo and Stitch). She is a precious, misunderstood little brat who needs a good spanking, but her heart is pure gold.

Cookie: I have to agree that I like the Secretary movie. But I really like the idea someone had about the seven dwarfs. I will never hear that story the same now. LOL

Bonnie: There are so many influences for me. I’ve discussed a lot of them before, but I truly love Gone with the Wind. How much easier might Scarlett’s life have been had her father, Rhett, Frank, or even wimpy Ashley taken the time to thrash her bottom with a riding crop? OK, I’ll grant you that we would have missed out on some great plot twists, but this to me has always been a great injustice. She so deserved it.

I think my interest in bondage, believe it or not, started with Batgirl. It seemed as though the bad guys tied her up almost every week. Unfortunately, they never managed to do anything with her or to her, but the suggestion was there.

Anon #2: I liked the Doris Day movies and several of the John Wayne ones. Good old fashioned movies sometimes had very funny spankings.

That was a fun brunch! Thanks to everyone for sharing your memories and your inspiration.

MBS Spanko Brunch #134

It's time again to assemble our friendly group of spanking enthusiasts. The brunch provides a forum for discussing various aspects of our favorite subject. This week's topic was suggested by a reader.

Have you a particular story, fable, myth, or movie that resonates with you in terms of spanking? Does it contain the suggestion of spanking, actual spanking, or merely dominant/submissive roles?

To participate in our discussion, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

Thanks go to Hermione for the delicious zucchini bread!

The Spanko Files: Terpsichore (Update)

Since we last heard from our friend Terpsichore, there have been more developments.

Since my first real spanking, we have had another encounter and we shared the best lovemaking of our lives. I asked if we could use toys. Right now, our collection consists of his hairbrush, a pink spatula, and his soft leather belt (I have been wishing for that belt for ages).

At first, he seemed tired and I was afraid he was going to fall asleep before we even got started (it has happened before). But then, all of a sudden, he flipped me over onto my back, held my arms pressed at the side of my head and started to kiss my neck I love having my neck kissed and I love when he is in control, or better yet, when I am out of control. He then explored my body for a while before flipping me onto my stomach.

He started spanking me with his hand and then moved on to the toys. I never wanted it to stop. It was very light, but so enjoyable. At one point, I started to say thank you and roll over, but he stopped me and said he was not finished with me yet. This was music to my ears. I could hear him lift up the belt. Using the belt, he tapped really lightly all over my bottom, back, and upper thighs. It felt great.

I think it will be a long while before he is comfortable using the implements with any force. However, he seems to have no problem applying his hand and sometimes, it is almost too hard. :-) But in a way, I like that we are easing into it as I do not yet know how much force I could or would want to handle... And I certainly was enjoying myself. He touched me all the while he spanked in ways that made me melt and quiver. It was such a nice time. I’m hoping for another night like this one. It was definitely the best lovemaking of my life... tied with a day last fall when I told him my secret. That was also a memorable night. :-) And so my dream has at last come true. But this dream is just beginning.

May your romance blossom as your adventures continue.

Foghorn Leghorn: A Childhood Memory

How could I have grown up to be anything less than a dedicated spanko when the airwaves were saturated with this sort of fare?

The Spanko Files: Terpsichore

We have an update from our friend, Terpsichore. As you shall see, the news is very good.

My First Real Spanking

There were no candles lit, no roses, nor anything romantic. But somehow that didn't matter. I was downstairs on the computer while my husband was upstairs in the living room watching TV. I came upstairs to say hello and greeted him with a kiss. He greeted me back. I greeted him again and then sat next to him. He was watching something on the History Channel. I didn't pay attention to what it was. I was focused on distracting him. He was enjoying the distraction.

Then, all the sudden, he kissed me and pulled me across his lap. He immediately pulled down my pajama bottoms. There was no time for anticipation. It didn't matter whether I knew what came next and I didn't have to beg for it. He smacked my bottom and then rubbed in gentle circles. It was like a massage, only better. There was no intensity or speed. It was more relaxing than erotic. But it didn't matter. I was enjoying it and I decided the second he placed me in that position that I was not going to move until he decided to stop. I wiggled a bit to get comfortable as I am a little long for our couch.

All the sudden, I became aware of the TV which was still humming in the background. I mildly wondered if he was still watching the program or paying attention to me, but decided it did not matter. He could watch TV with me over his lap anytime he wants ...and I told him so. The spanking continued with casual conversation, TV, and giggles. I just relaxed and enjoyed the occasional smack and rub. I hate to admit I was almost bored at times because it was so slow and relaxing, but I was so happy too. My husband started to explore other parts of my body and then after a while he rolled me over and started kissing me and we moved upstairs into the bedroom for more play and lovemaking. He even took the brush I had bought at Christmas time with the pretty flowers on it that up until now has just been used on my hair. He gave me just a few little light taps, but it was great to have a hand holding it other than my own.

I was all smiles... I had my first real spanking! It was not nearly intense enough or fast enough or long enough, or romantic in any way, but my husband initiated, decided when to start and stop. That for me made it real and special. And I am so very grateful as it has given me hope that it will not be the last time. While we have a long way to go, there is a lot to look forward to. :-)

We have since talked and it feels good to be communicating again about my favorite topic of spanking. He expressed his desire to have me guide him through the spankings as to what feels good and what is too much or too hard. It may be a long time before he finds his dominant side. However, since he is asking for me to guide him, perhaps I will find mine by telling him what I want. That’s difficult when I hardly know myself, but I am ready for the challenge of finding out together. Of course, the biggest obstacle is finding time to make love at all. But there will be a time in our lives when that will not be a challenge. I am happy that, in addition to being the parents of two small children we love so much, we are also a couple again. Since my first real spanking, we have had another encounter and we shared the best lovemaking of our life. I’m looking forward to what the future may bring... :-)

Bravo, Terpsichore! Your patience finally paid off.

Public Service Announcement

Pixiepie, a long time member of our community, is ailing and could benefit from your well wishes. If you can spare a few moments, please stop by and let her know you care.

Thank you!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for August 3

Our brunch topic this week was sharing our internet adventures, such as blogging, IM, chats, and forums, with our partners. Here are your thoughts.

Thomas: Being as "out" as I am about my spanking interests, it would be hypocritical of me to hide my activities from those that I'm close to. I've never had any trouble from this, even when those activities included cyberplay in chat rooms or looking for new playmates through personals. It's a part of who I am, and they have always understood that.

Naomi: My husband isn't quite a 'spanko' just yet. He's still embarking on the journey, but he's getting there. As far as him knowing all of what I do, he has an idea. He knows I have a blog. I've shared the link with him, but I don't think he reads it. He knows I participate in forums, and have friends that I talk to over IM.

Sometimes, he's a bit weary about it, and I think it's because he's not quite sure of how the whole 'spanko community' works.

We are currently seeking a disciplinarian, because he just joined the army. This is a big step for him. He is sort of becoming more involved with the search, so every day I am more and more 'out' about the things I do in the 'spankosphere.'

Before he was more involved, I did sort of keep it a secret. I guess I was just scared of his reaction. I would close the windows every time he walked in, and I still do sometimes. But, again, I think it's mostly just that I'm scared of his reaction. Because even though he's slowly transforming into a spanko himself, he still thinks first with his vanilla brain.

Dragonmage: My partner, luvbunny, is very aware of my activities, as she is involved in them. We both blog and chat online, but we don't hide any of these activities from each other.

Abby: Mr. Williams and I always share our Internet travels with one another. Honestly, there are days when I'm tired and I just don't want to know! But we are both short on time lately, and we try to "make the rounds" when we can, and fill each other in on what everybody's up to. We both have sites we tend to gravitate towards (though we both come here!), so it allows us a freedom to fill each other in on the whole of what's going on in the spankosphere.

Thanks to tabs, we also occasionally leave windows open for the other to find, be it featuring toys or a blog we haven't encountered before. I really do have the perfect partner for Internet adventures and otherwise. :-)

Anon: My husband knows I like spanking, but doesn't know I participate here or look at anything related to spanking, be it pictures, stories, etc. There are some times when I quickly push a button and open up something else or close Internet Explorer really fast so he doesn't find out. He already knows I like spanking (and sometimes does it), but I can't put my finger on why I don't want him knowing I blog here and look at the pictures I do.

C: My vanilla husband knows I read blogs. I have tried to get him interested in them as well to help him understand. He knows I like spanking. I do think if I had a blog, I would be hesitant to let him read. Reading others’ musings is different than reading mine. I would be embarrassed.

PM Duo: He knows that I read a lot of blogs and sometimes comment. He isn't really interested in on-line stuff, but I like to send him particularly interesting posts/articles, especially ones with new ideas! Someday, maybe I'll blog about spanking, but I think he probably wouldn't like that too much!

Daisy: My fiance knows I read this blog. I introduced it to him, as he was unsure whether it was right to spank me. It was a worryingly abusive practise to him. So I asked him to read Bonnie’s tutorials, and WOW, he became a wonderful HoH and disciplinarian within hours! Now he can't imagine any other way! I have a tendency to be bossy, and bratty, and cheeky, and sarcastic (need I go on?). As I explained to him, he could either be HoH or henpecked. LOL

He sometimes comments on these brunches, too, and once, after he had sent me to bed, I sneaked on here after saying goodnight to him, and posted a comment. Unfortunately, he also came on after saying goodnight to ME (it’s much earlier in the evening in the States) and saw I had JUST posted it. So, I got in trouble. Oops! I blame you, Bon, for being so addictively readable! But, yes, we are on a learning journey together. It’s great fun and verrrrry sexy!

MP and RPT: We sit side by side on identical twin iMacs surfing for spanko stuff, working, and chatting about what we are doing so it's next to impossible to keep anything secret.

Radagast: My wife, Sandy, and I met in the scene and are both active in it. We both have play partners (aside from each other) and are pretty much aware of every single thing the other does when it comes to spanking play.

PK: I didn't tell Nick when I first started reading. After I started my blog and I realized that he was reading it, I was a little upset - even though I had never tried to hide it. Now, I love that he reads it as well as most of my friends’ blogs.

As I go through my list each morning, I will nearly always find something I especially like and say "Don't forget to check out Bonnie or Eva" or someone else.

I really do not understand men who know that there wives have or read blogs on this topic and they do not read them themselves. Guys - You have a window into how your gal feels and thinks, what she wants and is willing to do. My feelings would be hurt now if Nick knew all that information was out here and just didn't bother to read it.

Can you imagine telling your spouse, "There is something that is so very important to me. It’s something that I need and want so badly, but it is very hard to tell you. Could you please read an article or two that explains it better than I can?" Now, really, if your spouse said that, can you imagine saying, "No thanks I don't want to bother." I would really be hurt.

Fanny: I think that without blogs, especially yours, I would still be unspanked! My journey into the spanko world began in the same way as many other accounts I have read. I Googled spanking, found a lot of scary stuff, and then found your site. From your links I found many other sane and fun blogs. Having articles that explained TTWD in a mature, intelligent way to share with my husband made it so much easier to come out to him.

I love sharing blog stuff I have found when Hubs gets home from work! Sometimes, it is still uncomfortable for me to discuss what I want or need openly, so I show him blog posts that do it for me! That approach makes it easier. Actually I think that at times, I might be "topping from the bottom," but ssshhh, we won't tell him that will we?

Greenwoman: Yes, my husband is aware of my blogging. In fact, sometimes he helps me pick music or Jiggles.

His response to it all is arousal. It enhances our intimacy.

Hermione: Even though I suggested today's topic, I seriously considered skipping brunch so I wouldn't have to reveal my guilty secret to you.

My husband knows I read spanking blogs and comment on them, and that I have a special email account for blogging correspondence. He no longer asks me "who's Bonnie?" or "what's a blog?" He enjoys the blogs with pictures when I send him links to posts I think he'll like, or leave one for him to see on our computer.

My husband doesn't know about the guest posts I have done here and on other blogs. Nor does he know that Hermione's Heart is my blog, or that thousands of readers know him as Ron.

It took me a while to feel comfortable with seeing my words in print on this blog. It took more time to make the decision to have my own blog, and getting used to that was quite an adjustment. I weighed the need to tell him everything against the need to do something that is extremely fulfilling, creative and therapeutic for me. Blogging is something I want to do and I couldn't risk being told I couldn't.

Ron has read a couple of my blog posts and liked them. They weren't ones that contained intimate details. I will probably need to seriously consider what the possibilities of telling him might be, then tell him when the time is right and I am prepared to suffer the consequences. He might be extremely angry, but then again, he might not even care. Or he might laugh and think it's silly.

I have never written anything on my blog that I would be ashamed to have Ron read. Embarrassed, maybe, but not ashamed. In fact, I think he might be pleasantly surprised at how highly I regard him, once he got over the initial shock.

Jessica: Before I "came out" and told him about my interests, my husband did not know I was lurking out here. When I told him, he started reading right away. Now he goes through and looks for my comments. Sometimes, he even goes on my profile on the PC and looks at my history to see what I am interested in. I see it as him doing research about what I like. That's a good thing!

Diesel Diva: My slowly converting vanilla husband doesn't have a clue about my internet activities. He did confess that he read a spanking blog the other day but doesn't know which one. He's becoming more open about spanking and tells me that I'm not weird and, according to the internet, obviously not alone. I'm hoping for LOTS more action in 3 weeks when OUR LAST CHILD MOVES OUT! (Hey, I'm not mean. He's 24, so it's time!) I'll be sharing more of my "secrets" at that time.

Terpsichore: My husband knows that I read out here and comment and that I have even shared a story or two. But he has not read as far as I am aware, though he glanced at a few things I printed. He is happy that I have found friends out here and I share stories with him. Someday, perhaps he will read...

Bonnie: Randy is generally aware of my internet activities. I typically provide more detail than he needs to hear. He claims that he only occasionally reads this blog, but I know better. All I need to do a make a passing reference about not being spanked for a while and I find myself abruptly upended within a matter of hours.

As for his web surfing, Randy’s tastes are different from mine. While words are my preference, he loves pictures. Realistic spanking photos are first in his heart, but in a pinch, almost any pretty woman will suffice. He often shows me his latest finds and seems puzzled when I fail to match his level of enthusiasm. Oh well. I don’t care whose digital images he collects, so long as he reaches for me when he seeks genuine human flesh.

Thanks to one and all for sharing your insights. I hope you will stop again for next week's brunch.

Special Announcement

For those who dropped by for brunch, I welcome you! Our weekly topic is immediately below.

Our friend Thomas just announced a spanking-oriented writing contest and it sounds like a lot of fun. I have agreed to be one of the judges. I hope you'll check it out!

MBS Spanko Brunch #133

Welcome back, dear brunchers! Today is Sunday and it's time to consider another aspect of our favorite subject. Our topic today involves sharing your internet experiences with your partner. Thanks to Hermione for the suggestion.

To what extent is your partner aware of your activities in the "spankosphere?" In other words, does he or she know that you blog, post comments, trade instant messages, or participate in forums or chat rooms related to your spanking interest? If they know, how do they react to your involvement? If they don't know, are you concerned about the consequences of being discovered?

If you would like to join in the fun, all you need to do is enter a message below. Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary here on MBS. So, please tell us what you think!