Thursday, August 21, 2008

In Praise of Dangerous Curves

While waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store recently, my eyes drifted over to those dopey magazines that are prominently displayed. One headline in particular grabbed my attention:

The Perfect Cover-up for Large Bottoms

I was already slightly annoyed by having to wait so long, but this banner just lit my fuse.

I've had a big backside for as long as I can remember. As a teenager, I recall my friends acquiring headlights. I got the rumble seat instead. I felt self-conscious about my curves and often thought that men (and even occasionally women) were staring at my protruding posterior. I tried to disguise it with dresses, skirts, big shirts, and slacks of various styles. But nothing seemed to work.

The popular media, then as now, favored the anorexic heroin-addict waif look. I knew my body didn't fit that model and never would. There was simply no way.


At the same time, every lover I ever had (and especially Randy) took great pleasure in touching, caressing, squeezing, spanking, grabbing, and kissing the skin of my derriere. It took years, but eventually, I came around to the perspective that maybe broad and round was all right. It was a revelation for me that many men actually prefer partners equipped with padded seats. Perhaps, I concluded, those magazines had it all wrong.


Today, I refuse to be ashamed of my body. In fact, I think I look pretty decent and Randy agrees. Yes, my hips are wide and I do have a large bottom. So what? I refuse to hide beneath some unattractive smock just so twenty-something fashion models can feel comfortable about their own distorted body images. I am an adult woman and that's precisely how I look. Real women have curves and I have come to believe that's a good, healthy look.

It's been said that to truly love another, we must first learn to love ourselves. Appreciating our bodies is a first step along this road. It's little wonder that art students have been using pears as still life subjects for centuries. It's a beautiful shape. If we could see ourselves as our lovers see us, we would never feel self-conscious again.

I wish I had figured out this stuff thirty years ago. Life would have been a lot simpler.

OK, it's back to school time, so here's your homework...

Men: Tell your partner that you love the way she looks, and then show her as only you can.

Women: When he compliments you, the appropriate response is a gracious "Thank you." Find your beauty, within and without, and let it shine for your lover.

20 comments :

Heather said...

Excellent post, Bonnie. For a long time, I looked at those 20 something fashion models with envy wishing I had that kind of a body. That was until I had that kind of body. Now that I recovered, I look at them with disgust at how skinny they are and annoyance with the example they are setting for this generation of young girls and women.

I was one of those freaks of nature that had "headlights" at nine years old. By ten, I was able to reproduce (scary. If you're wondering why, I'll tell you when I am a bit more comfortable posting on here or if you care, I can email you sometime). And I was just as ashamed as you were in the beginning with your backside. Still to this day, I think they are too big and sometimes I am embarassed by them even though I have a child because the already big just got bigger. How do I get past it? I know hubby loves them, but still can't help it.

Mary said...

Wonderful post!
I can be okay with my curves most times, but then at others ....
One time while at lunch with some persons I went to a conference with, the lunch conversation went to figure flaws, what to eat and not eat, calorie counting, guilty feelings about meals, and blah blah blah. The other women were quite thin, me - size 12 with curves where adult women have curves. (top and bottom) Finally I decided not to feel bad about my body or enjoying my meal. I piped up, "I think it is very important to watch the my figure keeps its softness and curves." As we went on with the meal, I knew they got it, that I wasn't going to be ashamed or feel guilty for eating a meal.

jam said...

thank you for a great post. i've always had good sized headlights and junk in da trunk. hated my body for a long time. wasnt until my lover point out to me how wonderful my body is... what a shame i couldnt see this a long time ago. finding clothes is a nightmare. could i stand to lose a few pounds. yes but my body has done some amazing things. i've given birth to four kids. i'm healthy with no major problems. i dance like there is no tomorrow. you brought tears to my eyes today. i have three daughters that hate their bodies. shame on the magazines and entertainment worlds for creating this hatred of our bodies and growing old. once again thank you.

pmduo said...

Great post Bonnie. He is wonderful about saying the right things and I usually respond with a "you don't really mean that." It's hard to look through his eyes so thanks for the reminder that I need to keep trying!

Radagast said...

As a lover of all things derriere, I have to say that I find curves quite attractive. I don't even know what "large" is in a woman's bottom - it's all subjective anyway. Just as age seems to be falling away as a measure of attractiveness, so too, I think, will size follow suit.

Attractive is attractive - no other qualifier necessary

sara said...

I agree, wonderful post Bonnie. Most of us who happen look womanly were taught to think we were fat. What a shame. It also took me a long time to appreciate my body. Grant has told me time and again that men prefer women who "look like women". I have tried hard to help my daughter, who inherited her mom's body type, to feel good about herself. It is so important.

Hermione said...

Right on, Bonnie. You speak for many of us.

In fact, one of the first big changes I noticed right after we started spanking seriously was that I felt so much happier about my body. Even proud of it. I ditched my big smocks, too.

Hugs,
Hermione

Paul said...

Bonnie, I've always thought that you were an sensible woman, you have just proved it again.
Excellent post, should be required reading for all ladies with doubts about their bodies.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

Greenwoman said...

I was smiling broadly when I read this one before sleeping last night Bonny...thank you. Great post. I appreciate your words very much.

Rose said...

Amen, Bonnie. I'm still working on gaining that confidence. My intellect gets it, but my emotions have been a little slow to follow.

Good post.

Rose

Lee said...

Amen, Bonnie! I too was blessed with some bodacious hips and the accompanying bottom, and it took me awhile to appreciate them. I firmly believe my acceptance of who I am has alot to do with my girlfriends and their confidence....it rubbed off. I've since learned that men aren't quite so shallow as we think they are, and tend to love their women's bodies no matter what we think of them.

Ms. Betty said...

You tell 'em, hon.

I like my curves, too...and so do my husband and my favorite bunnies. "Girl curves!" is the delighted cry I hear often.

Our resident fashion consultant at the shop where I work told me last week I should look at some things that make my hips look smaller. I darn near slapped him.

I have the classic hourglass shape. So much so that I have an 11 inch difference between my hips and my waist. I look best and feel best when I emphasis those curves rather than hide them.

From the earliest of times (Willendorf, anyone?) Female curves have been seen as the sign of life, hope, and power. I see no need to change it now.

Ms. Betty

Anonymous said...

What man would get any thril spanking the meagre little buns of the modern model girl . and he would probably bruise his hand on her bony hip bone ! Big firm bottms are best; they bounce delightfully when spanked, can absorb copious spanking, and fill a pair of jeans delightfully. Bonnie, don't you or any of your ilk have any doubts about your glorious derrieres.

Daisy said...

Hi, Bonnie, absolutely loved your post....and really dont mind having a huge ass...lol, but unfortunately, due to 5 kids, an addiction to chocolate, and a laziness re: postnatal exercise, I have a disgusting stomach....which he insists he loves...but I really dont. Never will. ah, well.....
hugs, xxxxxxx (by the way, your ass isnt even big...dunno why you think it is!

Indiana said...

I wish we lived in a world in which we taught all women-- curvaceous, medium-sized, or naturally skinny as a rail-- to love their bodies and to value themselves.

Oh well, at least we seem to recover from those early experiences (like high school) eventually.

Michael said...

Excellent post and wise words, Bonnie. Real women do have curves, and should be proud of them. True beauty comes from within, and when I tell a woman she is beautiful she truly is. Magazines and other media ruin so many young girls with unobtainable airbrushed and re-touched images, and it is not until they are older and wiser do they see their beauty and feel comfortable with themselves. If only we knew then what we know now. I hope your words help some women and also some men, Bonnie.

Michael

Anonymous said...

How incredibly true.

I have always found women with what is considered "classic beauty" to be more beautiful than what is popularly considered to be "beautiful." I can see what people are talking about when they say someone is beautiful - I'm not ignoring the attractiveness of it. But I find classic beauty MORE attractive.

An additional benefit to women who are classically beautiful - they tend to be more comfortable with themselves and their beauty. The "popular" beauties are, frankly, high-maintenance, "you didn't tell me I'm gorgeous ten times in the last ten minutes," overly materialistic airheads.

The classically beautiful women I've known - either as friends or as lovers/partners - are more grounded and I think their sense of self, and their sense of their beauty, is more "true," if that makes sense. They really believe it rather than having to convince themselves of it. Seems like "popularly" beautiful women are always having to compare themselves to other women to see if they are more beautiful. Classically beautiful women are much more able to be comfortable in their own skin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - classically beautiful women, behold your beauty.

Truly,
Douglas

orienta said...

Dear Bonnie,
I have been reading your blog for a while and always enjoyed your posts, but this one left me bursting with emotions and so I've decided to respond.
I am envious (in a good way) about the way you feel about your womanly curves. I don't feel this way about my size 8 on top and 12 on the bottom body. It is difficult to me to shop and be happy with my choice...Naturally I find athletic woman more attractive and confident. My best friend is a champion body builder who became a yoga teacher later in life, but kept her body muscular and in shape. I've always wanted to change my body, but no matter how hard I work out and eat right, my body is not changing. Now that I am 44 I started gaining weight and I get unmotivated to go to the gym because I don't like the way I look in my uniform. Self acceptance has always been challenging for me and reading posts on them blog definately helps.Thank you Bonnie and everyone who responded to your post.
Anna

Anonymous said...

I prefer curvier women. The fashion industry has been subverted, and is fit only for destruction.

Anonymous said...

I'm an hourglass myself, and I'm damn proud of it. The fashion industry is close to me because my best friend works in it and the models he uses are tiny thin women who look more like prepubescent girls than anything else. Pretty though they maybe, gorgeous, elegant, fabulous...they aren't really SEXY.

I love my curves, I love my boobs, I love my bum and my hips...and so have all the men who have ever *ahem* explored them...

~elle~

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