Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 29

Our topic of the week was identifying which elements of a spanking are the greatest turn-on. As I hoped, you provided a fascinating variety of responses.

Jean Marie: My lover says that it's my round bottom. He says he loves to caress, spank, kiss, lick, pinch, fondle, mutilate (within reason), and make love to me there.

I say it’s the anticipation. I love knowing that I’m gonna get it, being pulled across, having him bare me, having him tell me to pull my panties down for it, that circular rub all around my tush before the first swat, that line, "This hurts me more than it does you," or "Now you're in for it," or no talking at all, whatever... The moment before is so hyper-sensitive-tense-juicy-sweet-anxious-anxiety-filled, I just love it!

Kelly: For me it's the anticipation of having absolutely no control. I'm in charge and in control of just about every other aspect of my life. There is a genuine thrill to the idea that someone else has control over me, can tell me what to do, can tan my hide if I don't and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Spanked Italian Gal: It has to be when I stand before him waiting to go be spanked. The anticipation of the impending spanking is an unbelievable turn-on. A very close second favorite thing is when he pulls my panties down – I love that.

Marin: The biggest turn on for me is anticipation... I love knowing I'm definitely going to get spanked sometime tonight... and then hearing, "OK, bend over my knee..." in a stern voice.

Impish1: Getting my bottom smacked, of course, silly!

Anon #1: I'll have to get my partner to answer this one, but for me, it is seeing her ready for the spanking, bent over, wrists bound, blindfolded and gagged, with her ass up in the air waiting to be spanked.

Zille Defeu: This question is hard! I’ve had to limit it to just hand-spanking OTK to get an answer. When I think of being over my Master’s knee, the visual of his hand coming down over and over again against my bare bottom is immediately what I see. And I can almost feel the sensations, just thinking about it!

I love that space when you’ve warmed up into the swing of things (regardless of whether you were given a warm-up or not!) and the spanks come down again and again and it’s this timeless space where you just revel in the sensation of being spanked. For me, of course there’s pain, but it transmogrifies so quickly into pleasure (both because I just love being spanked, so my headspace is always “woohoo!”, and because I’ve gotten used to canings and other types of pain, so that hand-spanks have become something I associate with pleasure now. I’m sure the fact that I can come from being spanked on my sweet spot with just the right intensity has some bearing on this!).

So, I’ve been babbling, but basically my answer is, “that place in the middle of the spanking when it seems like it will go on forever – and you hope it does!”

Brambleberry Blush: For me, it's that sizzle that happens when he hits just the right spot! Oh, my, my...

Dr. Ken: Okay, I'll say it –everything! :-)

Seriously, I don't know if "turn-on" is the right descriptive phrase, but certainly what I like most is getting a reaction from the spankee. Maybe it's just a light moan, or a soft "ow," but some sort of verbal cue. Or maybe it's a slight body reaction such as a hand starting to reach back toward her bottom that then stops, knowing it's not allowed, a slight rolling from side-to-side, or the bottom slightly rising up to meet the next swat. Maybe it's something more energetic. Perhaps the legs kick ever so slightly, or maybe they come up to a 90 degree ankle in reaction to some harder ministrations.

It doesn't matter how small or great it is – a reaction is what I love to see...

Anon #2: Fear and sexual excitement are closely linked emotions. It makes sense that they would be cousins; after all, both of them are designed to ensure your genetic survival. I recall reading somewhere that sexual fetishes often have their root in subconscious fears. This describes my kinkiness to a T.

Possibly my greatest fear is of being controlled, manipulated, forced to do things that I don't want, humiliated, or led on a string by a smug and seemingly invincible tormentor. And yet, in the bedroom, this is exactly the sort of thing that turns me on. My attraction to spanking stems from my fear (and corresponding sexualization) of being abused. Being dangerously controlled and subordinated by an enemy is mortifying. Being playfully controlled and subordinated by a bedmate is exhilarating.

In short, what I like most about spanking is the (simulated) abuse, both physical and emotional.

I'm less sure about where my dominant impulses come from (I'm a complete switch: almost perfectly 50/50 on the dominant vs. submissive scale). I guess it’s probably because I'm a rather analytical person, and I like looking at things from different sides. Also, girls' butts are just one of the most beautiful parts of God's creation. I just HAVE to spank them.

Prefectdt: It has been a long, long time since I have had a sexually related spanking. But, wiping the cobwebs off of old memories, it is the psychological aspect of being, for a little while, the sole attention, effectively the center of the universe of someone that you genuinely care about. That feeling that the rest of the world has ceased to exist and that the entirety of creation is within the four walls where you are playing and that the two of you are the only people in existence.

Hermione: That's a difficult question. I wanted to say "everything" too! After a lot of thought, I guess my answer would be the question, turned around. Thinking about my spanking experiences is the biggest turn-on. "I'm going to be spanked," "I'm being spanked," "I was spanked." Those thoughts are what really turn me on, although the actual event runs a close second.

I invited Ron to join us for brunch this week and give a response too. His reply was that he really didn't understand the question. Spanking is what it is – beating an ass – and it doesn't have any individual parts. Maybe that's just another way of saying "everything."

Penfold: Yes, that’s a very hard question to answer indeed. I think, for me, it’s hearing Bear’s voice in its rather stern tones saying "get over my knee." But I see that little twinkle in his eye and it sets me all of a quiver… Then I love being either over his knee or on the bed while he spanks with whatever he has in mind at the time. When I feel my hips rising to the occasion, it turns me on even more...

*Quivers just thinking about it* Crap, come back to reality, Pen...
*coughs* Yes, something like that anyway...

I also feel that the spanking gets me so turned on because Bear loves me, It just wouldn’t feel right for me if he didn’t...

BigBear: This question feels both easy and hard to answer. It’s difficult as there are many different things about spanking which are a huge turn-on, but easy because most of them revolve around Penfold's beautiful bum!

I love the sight of her lying over my lap, her pretty peach jiggling on my knee, the naughty little giggles she gives when she wants it a bit harder, the feel of the skin under my hand as I stroke it, the line of her back sweeping down from her bottom to the small of her back then up to her neck and shoulders. Everything about this woman makes the whole experience truly enjoyable for us both, her looks, personality and naughtiness. ;) And I have to agree with “Anon #2” that the bottom of the woman you love is the most beautiful work of art ever made, especially when it's lying over your knee! ;)

Anon #3: For me, it is the fact that my MASTER and I can block out the world and play to our heart’s content. The anticipation of that first smack with my ass open and bare for my MASTER to do as he pleases gets me so hot.

Then the first smack makes my juices flow even more. I love how he smacks and punishes my ass and than stops for a little caressing before he thinks that I need and or want more, as if it was ever my choice. The heat and stinging goes directly between my legs and MASTER can tell how much I am liking it and it pleases him also. That, to me, the ultimate turn-on is pleasing my MASTER!

Irelynn: For me, it's all about power. The thing that turns me on most is someone taking the power to control things away from me. Only during a scene, that is!

I think that, whether it's through bondage, or you submit to it because it's the lesser of two evils, not having a choice about whether to take a spanking or how hard is what makes me all hot and bothered. But again, that's just during a scene when both parties have already agreed to a spanking. It's not so hot when you really don't want a spanking and someone makes you take one anyway.

Lee: I have to say it’s anytime my partner does something to let me know that "he's got me." This may include rubbing my bottom, placing a hand on my back, crooning softly in my ear... all while he's smacking me to kingdom come. Yum!

LDD-4-Me: Well, as a spanker, there are several components including the submission, the trust, the phase where there are tears and acceptance, but most importantly the aftercare.

As a spankee, I hate every part of the spanking until it's over. Then I love the soreness hours or hopefully days later that remind me of having been cared for.

Luna: What single thing? I think it's the sensation I get when my butt is hot and he drags his fingers across the flesh. Or the sensation I have when he whispers about how well I'm taking it, telling me how lusty I am, etc. It's practically everything but the actual spanking! :P

Tiggs: It all comes down to giving up control, totally and utterly, in a truly safe environment. I don't give up ANY degree of control easily or willingly in real life, and this is the only real situation in which I both can give up control and really, truly want to!

Anon #4: For me, it is getting Susan's bottom precisely as I require it. I issue a string of orders – “Skirt up please, knickers right down, over my left thigh please, bend tighter, head right down, spread your legs, and back hollow,” until her gorgeous globes are exactly how I like to spank them.

If I have decided to tie her, then I design her bonds so she is held immobile with her bottom perfectly presented. She loves this total helplessness as much as I enjoy spanking her plump globes. When I have her yelling for me to stop, she always gets a few more hard ones, because I know that for her spanking to achieve its aim, her bottom must smart more than she had bargained for. She says after her spanking that those final bum blasters, which made her yell and hump as they landed, stung like hell, but looking back they achieved the perfect spanking.

Betina: I definitely love the anticipation. I'm turned on from the moment I know I'm going to get a spanking, or just might get one. A close second is the feeling of letting go while just being in the moment, feeling my bottom heat up and the hot stinging feeling. But honestly, it's the sum of all the elements in a spanking, that ends up making spanking so great, if something was left out, it just wouldn't be the same.

Ronnie: For me, it's being told to get over his lap, his hand running over my bottom, and the waiting while knowing I am going to be spanked.

Becall: The biggest turn-on is when I am informed a day ahead that I'm going to get a caning and spanking and then just a few reminders throughout the day . That gives me plenty of time to think about it and get excited. When it is time, mentally, I am prepared for a very special session

The thing that is exciting about paddling someone is the ability to give that person what they need and want. To see them become aroused from receiving a spanking is a turn-on to me.

Bogey: For me, it’s the anticipation, either as the spanker or spankee. Either way, I love the prolog.

Soma: Hmm, boy, there are a lot of things to choose from! I agree with many that it’s the anticipation of all different parts, especially being pulled over the knee, panties pulled down, and the lecture. Those are the things that always stick out in my mind when I think about my spanking experiences. Overall, I love having the guy in control and the commands/acts that go along with it and knowing that he cares about me enough to discipline me when I need/deserve it. I really should call him up now that I'm thinking about all this ;)

Indy: I've loved reading everyone else's answers!

There's very little that's been mentioned before that I don't love. I'd have to add that I love that delicious, relaxed floaty feeling that comes from the endorphin high, along with the feeling of the pain mellowing to a rather pleasant warm sensation.

I love being outwitted or surprised by a top, too.

Loki_Darksong: When I'm topping, I enjoy watching and hearing each and every reaction that my spankings give. It's like playing a musical instrument. Using my soon to be wife as an example, there is nothing more sweet than seeing her jump just the right way, or make that just so right "ow" after a series of swats.

When I am bottoming, it's the aftermath that gets me. When I am spanked I like to know about it at least a few days later. I enjoy both the feeling and the memory of a real intense scene.

Miss Leya: I think the very first thing that popped into my head when I read the question is the most appropriate answer.

"His hands." The thought, further, was, "…and sometimes the tone of his voice."

I could go into more detail, but somehow this seemed better.

Bonnie: Since I am not supposed to say, “Everything,” we’ll quickly dispose of this possibility. A number of folks said it’s the anticipation, and that was my first thought. However, when I dig deeper into my motivations, the biggest turn-on is making the choice to submit.

Randy is larger and stronger than me. Legalities aside, he could force me to accept his will. But that’s not how it happens. I make a conscious decision to allow my world to be controlled, if just for a while. The real turn-on is giving the gift of willing submission and what Randy then does with it.

Thank you all for making this one of our best brunches yet! Have a great week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #167

OK, folks, we have a fun topic this time...

When thinking about your spanking experiences, what single aspect do you find to be the biggest turn-on?

This was actually Randy's question. He said that I wasn't allowed to respond, "everything."

I hope you will add your voice to our conversation. All you have to do is enter a comment that includes your answer to our question. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

The Spanko Files: Whatever Happened to Innocent Indy?

When last we heard from our friend Indiana, she had just begun her journey of discovery. Now, a little over a year later, she has significant progress and lots of valuable insights to share.

Whatever Happened to Innocent Indy?

When I last posted here, in January of 2008, I’d more or less come to terms with my spanking desires and was determined to explore them in real life – preferably soon! About two months later, I posted the following announcement on a couple of spanking-related boards I frequent:

I played for the first time(s) over the weekend at a regional spanking party. Sorry, I have no particularly interesting details. It feels weird to just tell everybody back here that I just went away to see friends in another city as if it were no big deal, when actually, I would really describe it as a subtly life-altering experience. So I thought I'd leave a short post here.

Looking back over the last year, I’d have to agree with that assessment. It was a life-altering experience, even if I couldn’t exactly share my excitement with casual acquaintances. And it was just the beginning. Since then, I’ve been to spanking parties, both large and small, in five different states, and I’ve even managed to play privately a few times in my home state. I’ve learned an awful lot about this thing we do and where I fit into the culture, but I’m not concerned about running out of things to learn anytime soon. Most important, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people from all over the country and from abroad.

I’ve noticed a certain suspicion about spanking parties from some MBS readers. I have to admit that I was initially wary of the idea of walking into a room of complete strangers and asking one of them to spank me. As I didn’t have a partner, though, a party seemed like the safest arrangement to me. Perhaps equally important, I was looking for community. As much as I’d enjoyed getting to know people through the internet, I really wanted to talk to other people interested in spanking face to face.

I’m not always one for making careful preparations, but I did as much as I could to get ready for my first party. I read Eve Howard’s advice on the Shadow Lane Member’s Site, along with Doc Tsai’s and Cigi’s party advice. I also got excellent advice from internet friends. Two of the most important pointers I received are pretty standard advice for female bottoms. First, consult the experienced female bottoms in the group about good play partners for a newcomer. Second, when you do start playing, pace yourself. Don’t play too hard on the first day, or you’ll sit the second day out – and the third, if applicable.

The third key piece of advice I received surprised me a bit at first. An internet friend recommended that I have a strategy for saying no to an invitation I didn’t want to accept. This may sound a bit harsh, but it was offered with a great deal of sensitivity and intended to protect me without hurting anyone’s feelings. It is a fact of life that even the most battle-hardened veteran can only play so much at a party, so you can’t accept every invitation. At the time, though, I didn’t know that. As my correspondent is both well known and very attractive, my first instinct was to laugh it off. She might need a strategy, but I wouldn’t!

Then I thought a bit more about the context in which her advice had been offered. We’d been discussing socially unacceptable behavior by male tops at large spanking parties – about the small minority of guys who seem certain that if you’re at a party, they are entitled to spank you. She had suggested that the excitement of being around other people interested in spanking for the first time can be overwhelming, and that it’s easy to get carried away by it. That made me realize I was by no means immune from that same excitement, and it could also cause me to make unwise decisions.

So I decided ahead of time that I would only play with people who had been recommended to me as particularly good for newcomers. That would kill all three birds with one stone: I’d play with extra-safe tops, I wouldn’t be tempted to play too much, and I could say no without hurting anyone’s feelings. Once I had a better idea what I was doing, I could be less cautious at the next party.

That strategy worked pretty well. People generally respected my plan, and it was easy to write off the one person who didn’t as an unsuitable play partner. As a mostly-bottom, a top who takes a no gracefully, or who doesn’t press me to play right away is one I’ll notice favorably. And there will be other parties.

Before I arrived, I guess I had imagined that there would be a big room filled with lots of spankings, and I’d get to see whose style seemed like a good fit with my nebulously defined tastes. It wasn’t like that at all, though. People generally socialized in the party room and retreated to their private hotel rooms to play. There was absolutely no pressure to play publicly, and most people didn’t. Of course, each spanking group is different, and the ratio of public to private play varies quite a bit.

I’d arrived late, which made it a bit harder to get a feel for the lay of the land. Most people had already dispersed for play, so not much was happening in the party room. I *was* completely overwhelmed, and the first hour or two were among the most surreal I've ever experienced. After a while, though, one of the women in the group returned to the party room, recognized my name from the Yahoo group, and kindly took me under her wing.

So it soon came to pass that I was sitting at a table with about seven more experienced female bottoms and a couple male tops. One of them offered to do the honors and received the endorsement of the women at the table. He'd written me a nice note a couple months before, so I trusted him, but I was still nervous. The other bottoms reassured me, telling me I didn't have to play until I was ready, Hon, not now, not tonight, not even the whole weekend. Then the woman next to me piped up, telling me that on the other hand, I'd been waiting my whole life for this, so I may as well go ahead. That was just the little push I needed.

So off I went. Perhaps ironically, I found that being over a near-stranger's lap, skirt up and knickers down, as they say, was the *least* strange part of the evening. He took charge, but was very careful, leaving me with a nice pink bottom, but not a bright red one. I was amazed at how little it took to get that wonderful floaty feeling, and I fell asleep in a lovely endorphin haze.

The next day was much more comfortable. In retrospect, I think that was because I *knew* that I belonged. I mean, I didn't exactly think the chances that I wouldn't like being spanked were all that high, but I didn't know for sure. I’d come to value being a part of the larger spanking community, and I didn’t want to let that go.

The other question that had been nagging at me before the party was the relationship between spanking and sex. I had read quite a few descriptions of spanking party encounters, and I knew that sex following spanking was emphatically not the default option. Still, I wondered how spanking could possibly be separated entirely from sex. As another internet friend once commented,

“I've often thought that so much of the [M/F] spanking thing really just mimics the whole sex act. Basically we're designed more for the doggie style position than the missionary position anyway. Hmmm. Let's see. Repetitive motions squarely against one's backside. Assertive vs. receptive energies. For the male, there is the visual with the remnants in their brains of the old red bottom to signal estrus. It’s the bottoms up/face down position for females, just like being OTK.”

I’m still not sure I can explain the difference. All I can say is, there are many kinds of spankings, and some are more erotic than others. At parties, there lots of just for fun spankings, light-hearted if not always lightly administered, punctuated by good-natured teasing and friendly banter. There are also spankings that are kind of like a massage, relaxing and definitely sensual, but not exactly sexual. In other cases, I’ve been more aware of my arousal, but it hasn’t always been directed at the spanker. In that way, it’s kind of like going to a movie with a really sexy star. You may be aroused, but you’re more likely to be thinking about sex with your partner than with the movie star. It doesn’t surprise me at all that married couples in exclusive relationships can play with others, but seek out their own partners after their spanking play has ended.

Sure, this kind of play is less intimate than playing with a lover, and that may be unappealing to a lot of people. Several vanilla friends have asked if my playing around, as it were, is temporary or if I’ll continue to go to parties if I find a partner in the scene. Am I, as a kinky friend puts it, experiencing a second adolescence, trying things out for a while before figuring out what I really like and settling down to it?

It’s hard to know the answer to those questions. It’s certainly true that I’ve jumped in with more abandon than I would have thought possible, and that I’ve played with a lot more people in one year than I would have predicted. I did become less cautious after that first party, too, causing one of my internet friends to wonder, “Whatever happened to Innocent Indy?” Sure, I’ve made a few mistakes in that time – none too disastrous, fortunately. I’ve also tried things that I’m glad I’ve done once and don’t care to repeat, and I’ve found myself enjoying things that surprised me.

I suspect that I’m beginning to find a niche within the scene and will stay closer to that niche as time goes on. On the other hand, I definitely can’t see giving up the wonderful social connections that the party scene has to offer. It’s a remarkable experience, sitting around a table with people you’d enjoy seeing in a vanilla context, but with whom you can also talk about spanking. Just by being in the same room, I’ve shared something about myself that I’d kept secret for decades. The relief of doing so and knowing that the other person understands is liberating, and it makes for building close friendships surprisingly rapidly. There’s just no way I can put into words how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know people who have such varied backgrounds, careers, and outlooks on life, but who are united by this fairly unusual shared interest.

What would I recommend to those who are considering the party route? First, I’d encourage you to get involved in the spanking blogosphere. I was ridiculously nervous about each baby step I took: my first comment here on MBS, each first e-mail to a blogger whose writing I enjoyed, de-lurking on SSS, and especially guest-posting here. Each time I took a risk, the spanking community paid me back many times over. I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t written me back – that day, the next week, or even an amusingly apologetic note a month or so later. The kindness and warmth that I had found on-line made it so much easier to take that step toward RL play.

Second, especially if you are a bottom who hasn’t played before, I can’t overemphasize the importance of finding safe tops who are used to playing with newcomers. Just as not every talented athlete is a good coach, not every skilled spanker is a good teacher. It makes things a lot easier to put yourself in the hands of a good teacher. I’m not exactly a pushover, but I found the experience of playing for the first time completely overwhelming. I’m glad I didn’t have to take responsibility for deciding when to stop, or worse yet, extract myself from an unsafe situation.

This is probably good advice for tops, too. Plenty of bottoms are happy to show you the ropes. Sure, it’s not exactly domly behavior to ask for help, but you can be masterful after you know how to give a warm-up and aim an implement. Whatever you do, don’t pretend a level of experience that you don’t have. You may not end up in as dangerous a situation as a bottom might, but if you get a reputation for not caring enough about the safety of your partner, it’s awfully hard to shake it off. Most party organizers are happy to pair newcomers up with good teachers of either orientation, especially if you ask them ahead of time, before the craziness of running the show takes over.

If you do decide to leap into the spanking in this way, I hope your experiences are as overwhelmingly positive as mine have been. I may not know whether I’ll continue making trips to various other parts of the country to attend parties, or if I’ll settle into a more local pattern of friends and play. I do know, however, that I’m having a lot of fun with wonderful new friends, and I plan to continue doing just that!

Thank you, Indy, for sharing your experiences and advice. I know many MBS readers will benefit from your wisdom. May all your parties be worthy of celebration!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 22

Our topic du jour was regrets, ambivalence, or second thoughts that arise surround a spanking. Here are your thoughtful observations.

Impish1: My regrets, ambivalence, second thoughts come from the inevitable problems involved in living in a mixed marriage between a vanilla and a spanko partner. He wants to meet my needs. I don't want him to feel too pressured. These don't always meet up too well. The regrets, etc. come during, "Should I say something, ask for more?" or after, "Why didn't he...? Should I say something now, later, never? Does he just hate to...?" Of course, usually it's quite good. But since we're so different, it's easy to doubt when spankings are short, and since he's not a spanko, he's always anxious to move on to the part he considers more fun.

Jean Marie: I'm in a long term relationship with a strict top who is the man of my dreams. But a girl should be careful what she wishes for... Sometimes, in that moment when I've bratted a bit too much, and I'm over his knee and he's lecturing as he's pulling the old panties down, I'll have this goose-pimple-inducing, shivering to my soul, overwhelmed by fear of what's in store-type of feeling. It usually only lasts until the first few spanks land. I think it comes from never having been spanked as a child, fantasizing about it incessantly, and years of not knowing from where my desires came. Words cannot express how liberating it was to have that first adult spanking, to discover blogs like this one, and to generally not worry about it anymore. But in that brief moment of inevitability, when we both know that I'm gonna get it good, I get so worked up.

Soma: Typically, the only time second thoughts come is right before the spanking is about to start. We'll just be sitting and chatting and then he gets the look or starts to talk about what's coming. Usually I'm all into being spanked until that moment and then I get second thoughts. Or, after I had already been spanked and I let my smart mouth get the better of me. I end up getting a second one in the same night. I typically do what I'm told during a spanking, especially when I know I'm in a lot of trouble. But in those instances of when I have second thoughts, he has to pull me over his lap because I do not go willingly. Sometimes, I feel a bit ambivalent after the spanking is over if I don't feel as though I've been punished enough. It happens sometimes I guess. Then I wonder whether I should tell him that I feel like I should be spanked more. I wonder if anyone else ever feels that way. I try though to follow his instructions and submit to the spanking because I know I'm in trouble and deserve the punishment.

I never feel regret though about the spanking or anything. It's more about my behavior and what I did to earn it than the spanking itself. So while I may be nervous and have second thoughts, I know if I didn't get the spanking, I'd be upset. If that makes any sense :)

Prefectdt: Regrets? No. Ambivalence and second thoughts? Always. I know that I want and need to be spanked. It has to happen. But it can take a long time for the magic to start happening for me, anywhere from five minutes to a quarter of an hour. There is a word that often goes through my head during this part of a spanking and that word is OB*****HELLTHATF******HURTSWHYDOIDOTHIS!

I always really want a spanking, but I know that I am going to have to tough it out during the first part. That is why there are always second thoughts and ambivalence before a spanking, but that little visit to endorphin heaven makes it worth it in the end.

Hermione: My eager anticipation of a spanking is often mixed with apprehension, and I do start having second thoughts as zero hour approaches. I would never act on those feelings and try to avoid a spanking, because the sense of impending doom actually serves to heighten my arousal during the experience.

On the rare occasion when the swats are too severe, I find myself wondering why I'm putting myself through this. But that usually passes quickly and I start to enjoy the sensations.

Afterward, I have never felt regret, because what we do is completely consensual and I welcome every stroke.

Abby: I've never felt regret in my experiences with Mr. W., but I do, every time, think to myself after the first minute or so, "Why do I like this?" It's less of a thought and more like screaming at myself in my head. I call it my "What was I thinking?" moment. Then I stop thinking, and it's no longer about whether I feel ambivalent or am having second thoughts because that part of my brain is no longer involved.

Despite my vocal reactions to spankings, it is the one area of my life that, when happening, is actually without language. My fantasies revolve around language, my daily life revolves around language, but in general, our scenarios are not prequeled by chastisement or lectures, nor does language appear during them, other than such things as being told to count and then doing so. Without language, my centers of analysis shut off as well, and I think that is why I so easily shed my apprehension. One of the reasons I don't like to have to count during a spanking is because it does keep me so much in my head, and it maintains a level of anxiety that I'd prefer to leave behind. Of course, that part's not up to me, is it? :-)

I am so curious about the top's perspective on this subject. What do you experience if the stroke goes awry? When you see your beloved bottom wince later, the next day, the day after that?

Xandra: Yes, I regretted every stroke of the punishment paddling I got on Friday. We don't have rules, but every year or two, I do something that is so careless and dangerous that it requires a very painful and effective reminder never to do it again.

We had been playing for the eleven days before, so I was a bit tender to begin. Friday was going to be a spank free day, but I ruined that.

Hugh said, "You can't go one day can you?" Then he got the half inch thick black rubber paddle, did a short warm up to prevent bruising, and waited a bit to let my full sensitivity return. He next had me kneel on all fours on the bad and paddled my bare bottom hard and fast. Every swat felt like fire. It brought tears to my eyes. I never cry, but with a few more spanks, I would have. My bottom was burning. Whether sitting or standing, it just burned. I wasn't bruised, just sore, and not in the way I like. When it was over, I said, "I'm good." He said, "We'll see about that tomorrow."

I burned all of day twelve and was so aroused after the pain faded a bit. Peter talked about keeping the burn going. Have you ever tried wintergreen, peppermint or spearmint essential oil? They keep the surface blood pumping and a tingle going for hours, but don't burn after bathing. Don't use them on scratched skin or genitalia unless want to cause pain. Could that be what Peter intended?

I felt tender all day on day thirteen, tender and aroused. Before dinner, I complained that he had hurt me and didn't know what it felt like. He bent over put his hands on the bed and said I could give him a couple of swats. I didn't even get to eight before he turned, sat on the edge of the bed, took the paddle, pulled me over straddling his thigh, and started to use it on me. It was all thud since he spanked over my velvet robe. I got so turned on rubbing against his thigh with my legs spread. The warmth spread and felt so good until the sting started. I said I was afraid of the burn returning and he stopped spanking. He massaged the sting away and said that he'd give me a proper spanking in the morning. He did.

This morning started with kissing and cuddles then Hugh had me fetch the Rose Blush and the black rubber paddles. I didn't want the black one, but he said he'd use it over the bed clothes. I returned and assumed the morning spanking position. I lie down on his hand with my legs parted and bottom raised a little so that he can stimulate me while he spanks me. He started spanking with his hand slowly increasing the force of the spanks and then repeated the rhythm with the rose blush until I was very aroused. Then he covered me and began spanking me with the black paddle. As his pace increased, so did my moans until he pulled down the covers and paddled me bare just long and hard enough to make me hot, rosy, and desperate to feel him inside me. He pulled me on top and I ecstatically rode him through two intense climaxes before we came together explosively. I always come again when I feel him coming. The hard paddling on Friday had a silver lining.

We had responsibilities, so after I gushed about how wonderful he made me feel, we spoke as lovers do. I told that I loved the way he spanked me. He said that he loved spanking me and that he was going to spank me again tomorrow. Then I got back in position and he applied lavender lotion to my rosy cheeks and upper thighs (he used the rose blush on them just enough that I still feel the tingle). After he finished with the lotion, he applied about a half dozen sharp spanks to my sit spots to bring the sting back and finished me off with peppermint oil.

Since I had complained about the hard paddling, I wanted to post about the benefits including how much more conscious I am of my actions and their consequences. I'm happier, more conscientious, and more relaxed when I get frequent spankings that leave a lasting impression. It's very lucky that my husband loves providing them.

Yes, I can still feel my spanking in a good way and am anticipating being well spanked and loved again tomorrow and probably daily for the rest of the week since we will have the time.

I'm glad I stopped in after over a year so I could post about my trauma since all of my old post were about play even if it was hard play at times. this was dead serious. Although I regretted the paddling for two days I know I deserved it.

Hi Xandra! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you. Welcome back.

Baby Joey: I would say that we feel regret. It is agreed upon before we do the act, and I know that what she is doing for me is what I need. There have been times where she felt that what she was doing was wrong, but as we talked about the spanking, she had less regret about it.

When I have to have a dreaded spanking, the implement selected mostly depends upon the infraction. I know that her feelings are strong for me and we have been together for the last fifteen years. To take advantage of her would be serious grounds for a good paddling and I know that could also be the end of our relationship.

Welcome, Baby Joey!

swan: Ambivalence is a regular occurrence for me. I want spankings. I need spankings. I crave spankings... and in the event, spanking hurts, often atrociously. Once it begins, I am powerless to stop it or effect the course of events, and I can feel frightened and angry and desperate to end my suffering. There is nothing to be done about it. It just is.

Anon: I haven’t felt those emotions yet, but the relationship is very new – just over a month old. However, my partner loves her spankings. She is almost begging to be spanked when we get together, and we are expanding the spanking with bondage and other play, which really turns her on.

Her only ambivalence is when I bring out my rubber spatula. She does not like that, and knows it will be used as a punishment for her. She regrets telling me that she doesn't like the spatula… GRIN

Dr. Ken: Just my general attitude toward spanking goes through various stages of interest. I've heard others say this, as well. At times, it seems like THE most important thing – I find myself sitting in my apartment in front of my computer thinking, "Gawd, I REALLY want to spank somebody right now!"

Then, a few days later, I might not even think about it nor even feel that interested, almost to the point where I think I could give it up. And then, within a day or two, it goes back to being interesting and something I want to indulge in. It just goes in cycles.

I have no regrets or second thoughts, but there is some ambivalence. My interest waxes and wanes. It'll never go away for good, and will always come back, but sometimes, it's far down on my "list."

Betina: I have to agree with impish1, as I also live in a mixed relationship. I often regret not asking for the spanking I really want or regret not talking to him about it more. I do love the spankings I get and once I'm over his knee, all is almost perfect. It's the constant balance between my needs and my respect for him, and the fact that spanking just isn't his thing. Still, I love him so much for accepting that I have this kink, and the fact that he is trying. Now, if only it would happen more often :-)

Kyle: One posting asked about the top's perspective. My significant other showed me Abby's words and begged me to reply.

Spanking Jean Marie fuels our sex life, fuels my whole life. She needs it, and I love providing her discipline. I anticipate our sessions without any qualms.

When I was younger, it bothered me to see a lovely backside blemished with bruises that I'd put there. But every single sub did not share my squeamishness. They reveled in having their bottoms marked.

The third spanking I ever gave was administered to a professional sub. She was bent over quite far, and I was really giving it to her with the strap. I hit too low and caught her across her engorged and exposed sex. I apologized and went on with the lesson, but would like to again sincerely say "sorry" if Bunny is reading this by any chance.

Tiggs: I feel ambivalence before, as well as uncertainty and lots of doubts and wonderings about why I want it or need it or like it. But not afterward, not at all! And never, ever, about anything physical such as whether it was too hard or uncomfortable or whatever. I launch myself into a place in my head during spankings that I can't get to any other time or way.

Xandra: Dr Ken - Hormone levels play a part in the desire to spank just like the desire to have sex.

Kyle - Even though many prize bruises, repeated deep bruising is dangerous and can lead to bleeding after years of skin damage. You shouldn't spank a bruised area or it can't heal.

Bonnie: I do occasionally feel some misgivings immediately before a spanking, but as some of the others said, these thoughts quickly dissipate when the action begins.

Thank you all for participating in this week’s brunch. This was a somewhat more serious topic, but it did generate plenty of good discussion. I hope you’ll return for brunch next week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #166

Welcome to our first springtime brunch! This week's question was submitted by a longtime reader.

Do you or your partner ever feel ambivalence, regrets, or second thoughts before, during, or after a spanking? If so, what form do these feelings take? Do you ever act upon them? If so, how?

If you would like to take a whack at our question, please leave a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.

Spanking 101: A Basic Spanko Glossary

I think it’s time for a tutorial, but I want to try something a little different. Here is a very basic spanking glossary.

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Aftercare - As the name suggests, aftercare is a process where a spanker and spankee re-establish positive physical contact immediately following a spanking. Aftercare can be as simple as a hug, but it can also be considerably more involved. The purpose is to smooth the spankee’s transition from harsh pain to loving support.

Bottom - One of many words used to describe the part of the anatomy upon which the blows of a spanking are generally inflicted. This term is also sometimes used to refer to a person who accepts a spanking.

Consent - Consent is the essential prerequisite to any spanking. It may be explicit (“Yes, you may spank me”) or implicit (such as a pre-arranged understanding). But without consent, spanking becomes an unwanted and illegal physical attack.

Corner Time - A popular ritual, commonly associated with punishment, where the spankee is required to stand facing a corner before, during a break from, or after a spanking session. The purpose is generally to encourage reflection about misdeeds. It may also trigger feelings of remorse or embarrassment. During corner time, the spankee’s bottom is typically bare and on full display.

Crying - Many spankees respond to the pain and/or the physical release of a spanking through tears. Crying is often cathartic and can help to break down emotional barriers. As with many aspects of spanking, the crying response varies greatly by individual. Some spankees seldom, if ever, cry during a spanking. Others cry only afterward. Some almost always cry when they are spanked. All of these are normal reactions.

Discipline Spanking - This term refers to a spanking given for the purpose of correction and/or re-establishing dominance. Discipline spankings generally occur within relationships where one partner has been designated as being dominant (or in the case of domestic discipline, head of household). The other, submissive, partner may receive a discipline spanking when they fail to behave in the manner prescribed by the dominant. Discipline spankings are often relatively severe, short in duration, and may be accompanied by other corrective measures.

Domestic Discipline - Domestic discipline is an arrangement where one partner assumes a leadership role known as head of household. The other partner is expected to respect the HOH and accept their direction. Failure to follow the instructions of the HOH may be dealt with in a punitive fashion, often involving spanking.

Dominant - A person who assumes a superior role within a relationship.

Erotic Spanking - A spanking whose purpose is foreplay or augmentation of sexual relations. Many couples enjoy spankings as a prelude to sex.

Head of Household - The leader in a domestic discipline relationship.

Implement - An object used for spanking. There are many types including paddles, crops, canes, brushes, straps, and floggers. Each class of implement has unique characteristics which make them appropriate for different situations and purposes. One common scale for assessing implements is “stingy” (generates sharp pain at the skin level) versus thuddy (yields a deep, penetrating ache).

Kink - A generic term that refers to many types of unconventional sexual activities or lifestyles, but especially BDSM. Spanking is one very popular kink.

Maintenance Spanking - The purpose of a maintenance spanking (sometimes referred to as a "regular") is to maintain order and tranquility. It is often scheduled in advance and is not associated with any specific offense.

OTK - Over The Knee. Despite its apparent anatomical specificity, this acronym is actually used to describe any position where the spankee is draped across the lap of the spanker. The spanker may be seated in a chair or at the edge of a bed, bench, or sofa.

Pain - Pain is a part of every spanking and each spankee approaches it in their own way. Some embrace the pain. Some try to deny or minimize it. Still others hold on until their natural endorphins arrive. For most couples, pain is not the objective, but rather a means to an end.

Pervertible - A spanking implement adapted from some other, presumably vanilla, purpose.

Position - In this context, the term refers to the physical orientation of the spankee during a spanking. There are many alternatives available. Couples often enjoy experimenting with various positions.

Punishment Spanking - A spanking delivered for the purpose of correcting a misdeed. In some cases, the warm-up beforehand and sex afterward may be omitted in order to re-establish order or make a point.

Restraint - This term refers to any method used to limit the movement of the spankee. It may consist of classic bondage, such as rope restraints or furniture, but restraint can also be as simple as a handkerchief tied around the wrists. Whatever the form, extra care is needed to ensure the well-being of the spankee throughout the session.

Ritual - A ceremonialized series of activities that amplify the significance of the spanking. Participants often find that introducing the elements of ritual into their spankings cause them to become more meaningful. Examples of rituals include fetching the implement, counting, and corner time.

Role Play - Role play provides a structure for couples to explore their fantasies. By pretending to be other characters, such as a cheerleader, pirate, schoolmaster, or maid, couples can step away from their own familiar roles and try something new.

Safeword - A safeword is a word or phrase which, when spoken by either participant, will cause a session to halt or end. Safewords are essential for ensuring the well-being of the spankee. They can also serve the spanker by preventing him or her from going too far.

Severity - The severity of a spanking is often linked to the intensity and duration of the session. However, a better measure is the physical and emotional impact it has upon the recipient. From this perspective, relatively mild spankings can, in some circumstances, be devastating while even brutal spankings can other times seem quite tolerable. A expert spanker perceives his or her spankee’s reactions and adapts appropriately.

Sit Spots - As the name implies, this is the portion of the bottom that comes in contact with a chair while seated. Spankers often direct special attention to these two areas.

Spanking - A series of sharp blows to the bottom given for the purposes of punishment, discipline, correction, stress reduction, sexual foreplay, or play.

Spanking Blog - A web log that contains content concerning spanking enthusiasts, techniques, situations, and other topics of interest.

Spanking Model - A spanking model is a person who is filmed and/or photographed while depicting or participating in spankings and related activities.

Spankee - The recipient of a spanking.

Spanker - One who spanks.

Spanko - Slang term for a spanking enthusiast. This is probably a shortened version of the word spankophile.

Stress Relief Spanking - A spanking that is administered for the purpose of reducing tension. Such spankings are sometime relatively severe and delivered quickly without much ritual or warm-up. For other spankees, stress relief spankings work best when they build more gradually. With either approach, the objective is the same.

Submissive - A person who assumes a dependent or follower role within a relationship.

Switch - Someone who has an interest in both spanking others and being spanked. The term also refers to a small, freshly cut, flexible tree branch that is used as a spanking implement.

Vanilla - A vanilla is a slang term for a person who lacks interest in spanking or other kinks. It is not a derogatory word, just a statement of fact.

Warm-up - A comparatively light spanking that precedes the main portion of a session. Many spankees find that they can tolerate far more spanking activity if they are properly warmed up first. This is the reason why many spankers begin with their hand before introducing implements.

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I considered about twenty more words, but I eventually decided that this project needed to be a blog post rather than a book. So here you are…

In with the New: Think Spring Edition

Just as nature renews itself each spring, our community grows and improves as new bloggers begin their adventures. Here, for your reading pleasure, are seventeen young spanking-oriented blogs. This is our biggest In with the New class ever! I hope you will visit and enjoy these blogs. If you like what you find, a comment to that effect will be beneficial for the blog, the blogger, and our whole community. Let's welcome these newcomers and show them our warm hospitality.

Good Girl Writes Marie's Pleasure MarQe's Study Max Spanking On the Way of Exploration Proud Submissive Red Hot Chili Bottom Searching for the Truth Shakespearean Kink Spank Notes Spanking Simply Sweet Spankings That Teach Tarnished Brat's Spanking Blog The S Word The Timid Spankee Time and Punishment: The Insolent Wife Trial and Error: Manage Your Marriage

Welcome to all of you! I hope your blogging experience will be beneficial and fun.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 15

Our topic for this week was tickling and its relationship, if any, to spanking. Here are your thoughts.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): We are both dreadfully ticklish, and we both hate it. So, no, we don't.

However, it does make for an interesting threat. Behave or you get tickled!

Dante d'Amore: There’s no outright tickling the way I would do with my son when I want to get him laughing hysterically. But I can't resist the occasional little rub on the bottom of her feet with the riding crop or other toy just to keep her edgy and jumpy. I've noticed that the endorphins tend to flow stronger if I can keep her a bit off guard and tense because she doesn't know what is coming next or when it's coming or how many are coming [insert evil grin].

Mixing in various sensations that aren't painful, such as a tickle or lightly tracing the contours of her body with the tip of the cane, etc., helps accomplish that and makes it more fun for me as well.

While such things often tickle a bit, I rarely do it with the goal of only tickling her. But there are times when I do like to make her jump with a well placed tickle. :)

Hermione: Tickling sometimes happens as part of the cuddling we enjoy before and after a spanking, but it isn't something either of us does intentionally, as a rule.

The last time Ron used the dressage whip, he tickled my ear with the tip in between sets of very hard strokes. It was an unusual and unexpected combination, and it made us both laugh and relax.

Iggy: Actual tickling? NO way. I'm very ticklish and hate being tickled. It's torture. I'd be seriously annoyed if someone started tickling me on purpose and wouldn't stop.

Now, I'm totally OK with the softer sensations that sort of have a ticklish aspect to them as well (like fingernails running lightly over the back or bottom). YUM!

Tiggs: I HATE when he does that, at least as far as the tickling part goes, especially on the bottoms of my feet! Those are the most ticklish parts of me, and he usually does it when I'm restrained, so I can't do a damn thing about it... ARGH!

But yes, it is just one of a myriad of things that he does to enhance the spanking, and especially to increase the endorphins and keep me from figuring out exactly what he has planned for me at any given time!

And I love him for being so clever... If only he'd stay away from my feet. LOL!

Susie Q: I used to have a blog last year named My Blushing Bottom, but I got side tracked. I'm back with the focus of enhancing my submissive nature and I've asked Tha' Daddy to be an author. My question to you is - How do I get more readers?

Susie Q – I remember your previous blog. Write me and I will give you a whole bunch of ideas.

MarQe's Study: Tickling? Oh, no. It drives me nuts!

Mija: Pab doesn't like being tickled so I don't do it to him, even if I want him to spank me.

I do actually like the helpless feeling of being tickled just enough. But because he doesn't like being tickled, P never thinks to do it to me. And since it isn't much of a kink, I never think to remind him.

Todd (and Suzy): We’re actually working on a post about this topic. A little while back, Suzy and our friend Amber (from Spanking Amber) snagged the 'Holey Paddle' and decorated it with plastic flowers by tying the flowers through the holes.

This bit of bratting earned them each a spanking with said paddle, flowers still attached. While the flowers made no difference when the paddle was being used to spank, hard spanks were still very much felt. the flowers definitely created a very uncomfortable tickling sensation when the paddle was slowly dragged right above the skin.

I got quite the reaction, and neither girl enjoyed the feeling on their just-spanked skin.

This was the first time we've ever done something like this, but it certainly added something to the mix. I’m not sure that actual straight-on tickling would work for us. But when it can be included in a spanking like it worked out this last time, it is interesting.

Prefectdt: I am incredibly ticklish, especially around the mid rift. I never mention this, but every top seems to work it out pretty fast. It is kind of fun and it is nice to have a little humorous play in a spanking, but it can become a bit irritating if it is overdone.

Susie Q – for a start, you could make your profile public so people can track to your blog when you leave comments on other blogs.

Dr. Ken: The short answer is, no. Occasionally, if I'm rubbing someone's bottom lightly during a spanking, it will create a ticklish feeling for them. But I never do it intentionally and it has usually proven to be unwanted.

Miss Jules: Tickling doesn't happen as a part of the spanking for me and him. However, I often get myself into a playful bottom-warming by tickling him until he turns the tables on me and I end up getting tickled and over his knee.

Anon: Bonnie, your site is a God send to me. My wife came out to me about six months ago, and I have looked to you and the group for guidance and direction in this process.

This subject finally got me to post. It's funny. My wife loves to be spanked, and quite hard, but she thinks tickling is some form of highly unpleasant torture. I, on the other hand, am about as vanilla as possible on spanking, but think that tickling is a nice part of cuddling.

Welcome, Anon! I’m delighted to have you join us for brunch. Each of us is wired a bit differently. Where a couple’s interests overlap, there is an opportunity for some real fun.

Bonnie: I am somewhat ticklish, but it’s not my thing. I don’t enjoy being tickled, so we don’t do it.

On the other hand (it seems with these questions, there’s usually another hand), Randy does engage in the kind of teasing that Dante described. I guess that’s OK.

Thank you all for coming. I hope this discussion was beneficial and enlightening. Next week, we’ll take a whack at a different spanking-related topic. I invite you to join us then.

MBS Spanko Brunch #165

Welcome back to our weekly cyber-spanko gathering. Our topic this week comes straight from the MBS mailbag.

Do you and your partner ever mix tickling with spanking? If so, how does tickling change your spanking experience? If not, would you consider trying this combination?

If you would like to respond to our question, I invite you to enter a comment below. Once everyone has had an opportunity to speak, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Mar 8

Our topic for the week was favorite genres for spanking-oriented stories, photo narratives, and videos. We also inquired about the correlation, if any, between spanking media preferences and real play. Here are your responses.

Curtis G: My choices precisely mirror my interests in real life. I like to see spankings that are playful, fun and/or arousing. I want in visual media to see at least one, and better still, both parties having a good time or more. In stories, I like this, too. But I also like childhood remembrances that both recall those days and tell how people came to be aroused by spanking in word, picture and deed.

Anon: While I like both playful and more serious discipline type scenarios, I prefer to see serious ones in media. I don't know why. I should add I say "discipline type scenarios" because they're all roleplay and sexual in nature.

Villain: When I am enjoying spanking media, I like to consider the people represented in the narrative. Spanking is valid for a number of different reasons. That being said, I can enjoy almost any form of spanking represented as long as it's the real thing. Spanking is a deep part of me, and knowing that others feel the same way is great. As long as the spanking represented is genuine and the two people can gain something wholesome from it, I'm all for it.

Anon VII: I agree that there are a disproportionate number of videos (and stills) showing the recipients grimacing, crying, or otherwise showing signs of NOT enjoying the encounter. I'd like to see more that are like our situation, in which she clearly is enjoying herself and getting very excited. Surely that is more representative of most of us on this blog who do the M/F.

It seems that we have sizable contingents on each side of this question.

Daisy: This question just shows how different we are!

I get no enjoyment from watching a spanking clip where the female makes no noise and doesn't move. It bores me. The whole "enjoying the spanking" thing seems incongruous, and if it is erotic I feel like I am invading someone’s privacy!

The sort that I like to watch are the ones where the scene is set first. She is being a brat and is called to account for her behaviour. She struggles and tries to evade the inevitable, but he is stern and strong and spanks her until she bows to his authority, despite struggling en route which he deals with in an appropriate manner. It is the authority, the discipline meted out (stern but fair), the lecture, the female being made to respond and be respectful. These turn me on big time... But it must be real. Too many actors in these scenes fluff their lines, and the wooden acting leaves me cold! In fact, I find the total amateurs and individual couples who post on SpankingTube much more fun to watch!

morningstar: I read the Sunday brunch question last night and found myself clicking away from your site quickly, Bonnie. I spent some time thinking about my reaction, and I realized it was the question, or the question underlying the question. I read it as what kind of porn do you like and how close does it mirror your play?

AND I realized, despite everything, I am still reticent to admit that I actually enjoy porn! Hells bells and at my age!

BUT I came back this morning to be honest with myself (and I guess to others too, right?). I do from time to time go looking for porn. It’s usually written because pictorials don't leave much to my imagination. And I LOVE where my imagination goes...

First, I have to say that the explicit writings I read do not come close to any scenes with Sir. Once, a long time ago, we tried to live out one of my "fantasizes" from porn and it didn't work at all... Not one little bit. So I tend to keep the writings/stories in my head for alone times. They work great when left in my head!

Mostly, I go looking for stories about naughty secretaries or other employees. Occasionally, I favor naughty girlfriends. I like scenes where the male pulls down their panties, puts them over their knee, and spanks them. Pretty tame, eh?

BUT I have in my wanderings around the net – found – from time to time, stories of prisoner capture and torture. Those do something to me that I can't even explain!

The ones that get to me more than anything involve total loss of control and ignoring all rules of "engagement."

BUT I have to say again that I do not believe that sort of play would translate well into real life. I know Sir too well. He knows me too well. It is all best left in my imagination...

Abby: I'm enjoying reading everyone's comments. What different perspectives we all have! Porn versus erotica, play versus punishment... Am I being too blunt by pointing out that we're talking about the fetish of spanking? If it feels good and only good, with no element of pain or discipline, you're doing it wrong.

I'm not trying to advertise myself here, especially as I haven't made a film in over a year, but the Naughty Abby movies I made with my husband were filled with crying and yelping and cane marks – and I was having the best time of my life. It's why we ended up actually calling one of them "Fierce Foreplay." For us, it was romantic and playful and erotic and sensual, and for me, quite painful, which I expressed quite vocally and with tears. I am as proud of that one movie as I am of my entire blog, because it sums up exactly what this fetish means to me - it's fierce, it's painful, and it makes me wet and happy.

To answer the question simply, I do like my porn to be on the harsher side, though I still shy away from hardcore harsh, like the films from Lupus, despite my love and admiration for the models in them. The fact that the cane is my favorite implement has to do with my tastes. Do I want to see it hurt? Yes. Do I want to see it bleed? No. No, thank you.

I don't want romance in my porn. I have a specific use for it. I don't want to cuddle with it afterwards, or make it breakfast. This question does make me wonder now, though, is there really such a thing as soft core spanking porn? What does that even mean?

Hermione: Randy's observation is very interesting and timely, because just last night I saw a spanking in an otherwise staid British drama, and both parties quite obviously enjoyed it.

I prefer to watch video or movie spankings that are erotic rather than disciplinary, and not too extreme or severe. It's more enjoyable if I can identify with the spankee in some way, since all our spankings are erotic in nature.

When reading stories, however, punishment scenes appeal to me greatly and provide material for my fantasies. I can replay them in my mind and alter or embellish as much as I like.

Jean Marie: In my life, I have a butt-full of the romantic, playful spankings. In my reading and video selections, I like to traffic on my fantasies. I like the couple to be attractive and relatable, the woman to be the bottom and to do something wrong. I like to experience her guilt and shame, and the humiliation of being bared (the more public the better). I want to see punishment, to have her limits tested, for her to sweat, and moan, and beg, and most of all, cry. If it's done well, it's cathartic, and I need the make-up sex afterwards to make both parties feel whole and reconciled. Damn, you just made me want to direct a porno!

Miss Jules: Being mostly a story reader, I prefer scenarios that go from non-consensual serious spanking to "Shit, I am enjoying this," with erotic elements following. Call me greedy for wanting to have both, but I guess it's because these type of stories reflect how I felt when I recognized something was different with me. Oh, and because I like to play the unwilling brat that first refuses to admit that she is aroused. ;-)

However, I occasionally read purely disciplinary-themed stories as well, if they were written well enough, although they do not reflect my general preferences.

Prefectdt: I like both types of spanking scene. I think Randy is right about producers concentrating on punishment scenarios. Mostly, I like to see producers experiment and try to come up with fresh ideas. Whether it be a punishment scene or a friendly spanking makes little difference to me.

Meow: I've always loved DD/punishment scenarios and finally have this in real life (for about two months so far). We like playful spankings, too, but there's something about a stern man with a paddle that makes me melt. Stories/videos/photos with a strict husband and a well spanked wife are my favorites. This is my very first post ever, so hope I'm doing it right.

Welcome, Meow. That was perfect! Thanks for joining us.

Zille Defeu: Bonnie, this is your best question EVAR! ;) I've had to break it up into three parts to give it a proper response.

Q: In a spanking-oriented story, photo narrative, or video, do you prefer serious themes to those that are more playful, sensual, or erotic?

A: I prefer serious themes. My main fantasies are informed by Janus magazine and other British CP magazines, so it's all very much about schoolgirls getting punished by headmasters and uncles -- lots of tears and remorse. My Master has a huge collection of those magazines, so that's mainly what I read. I also enjoy some darker erotica as well (non-consensual stuff). Simply put, there's NO laughter in my fantasies!

Q: Does one genre better fit your fantasies and interests more than others?

Yes. When my Master introduced me to the British spanko magazines, I felt like I was coming home for the first time! Before that, I found stories online (White Shadow's Nasty Stories, anyone?) which had individual ingredients of what I consider arousing.

Q: How closely do your choices in spanking media mirror your own play preferences?

As closely as possible! I love role-playing erotic stories or videos! We of course do a lot of stuff which wouldn't be found in a CP magazine story, or spanking website video, and there is laughter and fun in our playtime. Just not in my fantasies!

Bonnie: When posing our topic, I purposely omitted the second half of our conversation. On this subject, I am irreconcilably inconsistent. As I have chronicled at length, the spankings that Randy and I share are absolutely consensual. Discipline is not in our vocabulary. I grant him the power (and the responsibility) to spank me as he sees fit. Though I may think at some points that the pain is more than I want, he never violates my trust. I cannot imagine any other arrangement for us. As Abby said, even when I am screaming, I adore every swat.

And yet… My fantasies since childhood have run toward disciplinary and borderline non-consensual scenarios. I have no desire to actually experience anything of the sort, but the concept is incredibly arousing. We roleplay disciplinary scenes and Randy regularly incorporates various corporal punishment trappings into our sessions. This turns me on and he knows it.

So, to answer the question, I like many varieties of spanking media (I prefer not to use the term “porn” in this context). The stories that most often touch my deepest desires are those where there is an element of discipline. You can see this reflected in some of my fiction. I like a fairly severe spanking, but I don’t generally need/want/like to see very graphic visuals.

I’ve managed this odd divided desire for decades. It just makes sense to me.

Our Bottoms Burn: If it's a spanking-oriented story, then we prefer the sensual or erotic theme. We have seen one video that we really enjoyed, and to us, it was very funny. Saying that, I think I would prefer the videos to be playful.

Thomas: I prefer spanking videos to be a bit more on the severe side, including canings and paddlings that leave obvious bruising and marks. If I'm going to watch someone else dishing out a corporal punishment, I want to know that it's a good spanking, and not a game of pattycake. In that sense, I want spanking videos to have an element of discipline or punishment, as it lends more to the severity that I enjoy in such visual media.

I prefer that the spankings given aren't completely forced on the spankee character, though, like some kind of spank-rape. This could simply mean that the character knows long ahead of time that misbehavior will earn her punishment, and accepts that risk. However, I have a particular fondness for characters who have to choose spanking against their will, if only to get out of a worse punishment. I like stories in which a schoolgirl has to choose between spanking and expulsion, or a secretary will either get the can or the cane. I guess the allure is the forbidden fruit aspect, of spanking the unspankable.

As a spanking author, though, my writings on my blog go through the entire list of potential plots. My favorite, though, are still the forbidden fruit spankings, though I'm not as inclined to want the spankings to have any form of consent. My favorite writing of mine, actually, "Fair and Just Punishment," details an entirely non-consensual spanking, albeit with a twist.

I'd like to extend a big thank you to all of our participants. Brunch is especially fun when we get a healthy range of responses. That was certainly the case this week. I hope you'll all stop by again next Sunday.

MBS Spanko Brunch #164

Hey everybody! It's time for brunch again.

Our question this week arose from a conversation I had with Randy on Friday evening. He commented that it is rare to see a spanking video or photo set where the participants appear to be enjoying themselves. At very least, those of us who love our spankings seem to be underrepresented.

In a spanking-oriented story, photo narrative, or video, do you prefer serious themes to those that are more playful, sensual, or erotic? Does one genre better fit your fantasies and interests more than others? How closely do your choices in spanking media mirror your own play preferences?

If you would like to add your voice to our brunch conversation, we would love to hear what you have to say. Just post your thoughts as a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.

Keyword Chaos: Remixed

Can you believe this is the first Keyword Chaos of 2009? Well, I guess we'd better get started.

Keyword Chaos begins with some slightly weird search terms that people have used to find this blog. Then Randy and I add our comments to each one. I hope you enjoy the results as much as we enjoy assembling them.

• how do you spank your lover? - With silver bells, and cockleshells, and pretty maids all in a row...


• men who give spankings to women - Did you wrap this yourself?


• spankiing - It was all downhill


• spanking is fun wife - oral sex is fun husband


• the first time I as spanked - Was there maybe supposed to be another verb in there somewhere?


• wifes that like being spanked - We wifes go in for all sorts of kinky fun


• deer hoof handle - OK, that's creepy


• ginger root butt - Don't burn your britches


• mutual spanking - For the adventurous investor


• stings like crazy paddle - Oh, no, not the crazy paddle!


• adult spankings and entercorse - That's a very descriptive term


• amateur girlfriend blogspot - No professional girlfriends allowed


• bare-bottom spanking letter - Forget the letter, go for the real thing!


• bdsm, mbs, bad habits - BDSM and MBS are good habits


• bear bottom spanking movie - Unfortunately, several crew members were mauled during the filming


• begging for a spnking - Oh, pls mster strng slnt type, just spnk me!


• bend over girl make it jiggle lyrics bra panties - Lyrics? Could this be the genesis of Spanko: The Broadway Musical?


• best spanking bottom - And now, the envelope please...


• blogs, it is calming to know many of us are in the same boat - And we're not without a paddle either!


• big butt bonnie - Is that the best you can do?


• bonnie bottom smarts spanks herself - No, that's Randy's job and he does it well


• bonnie has have thick round rump plump thick bubble butt - Yeah, and your grammar stinks


• bonnie have a thick round rump plump thick bubble butt - That's getting a little personal, isn't it?


• bonnie have a thick round rump plump thick bubble butted butt - A butted butt? I can assure you that I'm not going to turn my back on a ram


• bonnie have thick round rump plump thick bubble butt - You just like thick so much that you had to type it twice


• bonnie have thick round rump plump thick bubble butted butt ass - So you finally got them all in there, huh?


• bonnie you have big thick round rump plump thick bubble butted butt ass - Flattery will get you nowhere


• boobs or asses quiz - This guy is both!


• free spanking stories of the old wes - Watch out for Wes. He's a mighty strange old codger


• garden hose spanking - I'll never think about the groundskeeper the same way again


• getting turned on by spanking - Like flipping a switch...


• give her a spanked bottom - Preferably her own


• homemade spanking machine - It's too bad Rube Goldberg isn't around anymore.


• how to get a girl to want to be spanked - Ask her?


• how to make a spanking sting - Swat her bottom firmly. Take my word. It will sting.


• how to give great spanking to your partner - Discover what she likes


• husband spanking wife permit - I wonder if it has to be renewed every year like a fishing license


• ice maiden butt plug - If she's already stuck up, this won't help


• lesbian spanking tours - Now there's a money making idea! A cruise perhaps...


• lure of the paddle spanking - There's just something about a principal's office


• regular spanking - I rather favor the irregular variety


• scottish men spanking - A word to the wise: Don't make fun of their kilts


• self spanking in leather shorts - Those don't launder well so you had better just drop 'em


• self spanking pepper - I don't think that's how you spice things up with a spanking


• spank my wife - Please!


• spanking bare underwear - Which is it?


• spanked by old man story - Is he anything like Old Man River?


• spanked mature wemon - Rasta spankos?


• spanking forst time - There are too many trees here; I can't see a thing


• spanking makes me wet - Wet spanking makes me sore


• spanking movie ouch - I think "Ouch" would be a fine title


• spankothon - We're raising funds for the senile tops home


• stingest spanking implement - Thine flogger doth hurtest


• understanding why my wife likes to be spanked - Just take her word and go with it


• what spanking implement is easiest - Easiest for whom?

Living by the Paddle

This post was Randy's idea. He says my 60% male readership will love it.

Randy is enamored with a young Serbian table tennis player (no, that was not a typo) named Biba Golic.


To Randy's testosterone-intoxicated brain, Ms Golic resembles a young Jeri Ryan. Better still, she makes her living swinging a paddle and actually promotes a line of ping-pong paddles.

Would it be too much to hope that she is a spanko as well? Perhaps, but that won't stop the speculation.

Friends Award

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”

The rules to accepting this award: “Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Thank you, Bethie, Tracy, and Lil Sam for this award. You're the best!

Now, I am supposed to identify eight blogger friends who are also deserving (and who haven't already awarded).

Janeen
Erica
Mike
Dr. Ken
Sandy
Spanky and Kallisto
Dave
Daisy

Even eliminating those already selected, I came up with twelve right off the bat. But, by rule, I had to trim the list to eight. I'm sure some of these folks will pick up the rest.