Our brunch topic this week was the duration of spankings. Here are your responses.Daisy: I think it’s usually not long enough... I mean, they seem too long WHILE they are happening, but within half an hour, the effect has worn off. That must surely mean they should be longer?
I think I have a resilient bottom. LOL ...Or is it that there is so much fat to get through before the nerves are touched?
Yes, the duration varies. An erotic spanking is usually not very long. He quickly sidetracks towards other goals, if you get my drift. A punishment spanking usually is a set number of swats. An "I'm really in deep brown stuff" spanking lasts much longer, but still rarely take me beyond my limits (I have only ever had to use the safe word once).
I think he prefers spankings to be shorter than at present. However, I would like to see maybe the individual swats less hard, but lots more of them, to gradually build up the level of pain for a longer after-effect. I have a feeling that he is worried about bruising me, whereas I see the rare appearance of bruises as medals of love and commitment. I enjoy feeling the after-effects for a day or so afterward. They remind me, every time I feel the ache, I "feel" his hand on my ass, which makes it seem we are together.
Anon VII: For us, the event itself is inseparable from either the preliminaries or the lovemaking that always follows. Especially on weekends, this can occur off and on throughout the night and even into the next morning.
Preliminaries start with her leaving our favorite implement, a long paddle, on my desk, appearing in our favorite get-up of short skirt and fuzzy red top and platform shoes, or perhaps both of those. From there, we typically proceed to snuggling on the sofa, with her telling me about something naughty she purportedly did, only not really. All of that can take half an hour or more.
At that point, I usually upend her over my lap, give her some firm, well-spaced hand spanks through the skirt. Then, after slowly lifting the skirt, on the panties, letting my fingers trail across skin each time I withdraw my hand. After letting her cool down and giving her a gentle back-stroking, I lower the panties and deliver five to ten stingers on the bare, again with trailing fingers and gentle squeezes, then let her cool down again with a shoulder-rub.
Then, with a mock-gruff "On your feet," followed by a wink, I have her stand, spread her legs, and bend over for five well-spaced, fairly light swats with the paddle across the panties after a rather long ritual of positioning and tapping the board of education on the sit-spots. For the grand finish, usually after a spell of hugging and nuzzling, she grabs her ankles for three blistering hard ones ending in a long embrace. The whole spanking procedure typically takes about twenty minutes.
The after-care, with her over my lap for the ice and fresh aloe, takes longer. I then either lead or carry her upstairs to bed, tuck her in on her tummy, and crawl in beside her. She then immediately instigates the final and longest stage of the night's exchange unless she has drifted off to sleep. In this case, she wakes me later to finish the job.
Olivia: Spankings last for varying lengths of time depending upon the context. But I'd say that it is primarily determined by the time available and the context of the spanking. However, there is really no obvious pattern.
Sometimes a discipline spanking can take a long time (several hours) because of the rituals, the corner time and reflection in between, the lectures, the long list of naughtiness I have accrued ;-) and the cuddles afterward. Sometimes, it can take ten minutes if I am receiving a very simple twelve strokes of the cane on an unwarmed bottom or if I am being lead upstairs for a quick "buck your ideas up" hand spanking to focus me back on my work. It’s a simple message delivered with brevity!
All our other types of spankings, where the context is defined (restorative, playful, erotic, or "just because"), are likely to last longer, mostly over several hours. Even though we pretty much always know how much time we have together, I am always amazed and grateful for how unconscious of time we are able to be together.
There are times when there is no defined "purpose" other than just wanting to spend sore bottom time together. This is when the spankings have an almost "rambling" quality to them. If we had more time, spankings could last for days, weekends... um, maybe even weeks! ;-)
I would like to try, and have been *told* I would benefit from, being spanked morning, noon, and night. Maybe that would be the ideal duration? However, I think I like to feel that each one of our spanking interludes, with the anticipation before, the marks and soreness after, the memories in between and the care, love and friendship throughout, are a part of one long continuum which often feels wonderfully timeless. The ideal duration for me would be that this continuum continues!
Prefectdt: Being more of a non-sex player, I am in it for the high. Therefore, anything shorter than an hour leaves me feeling a little unsatisfied. The two main factors mentioned in the question that effect the duration of a play for me are "time available" and "mood of the participants." I must be add to that is "the state of the backside." It is important for a top to call it if too much damage is happening, especially if I am too out of it to make an informed assessment of the situation. Otherwise, for me, the longer the play, the better I like it.
Paul: This question is rather like, "how long is a piece of string?"
Discipline spankings tend to be short and sharp. The longest discipline I've given has been about two hours and that included corner time.
Erotic/good girl spankings are a very different matter. Such playful spankings can last for days depending upon our energy levels. Given our proclivities, they could have lasted much longer, but we had a living to earn.
Hermione: This reminds me of a conductor I know. When asked how long the concert would last, he invariably replied, "Until it's over." I don't really know how long our spankings last, because at the time, I am in no position – either literally or figuratively – to determine that. And I am reluctant to talk about actual time elapsed because comparisons can lead to feelings of disappointment or envy. Everyone is different, and every relationship has its own unique dynamic.
Our spankings are almost always erotic in nature, and we rarely feel any time constraints, so there's never any need to cut things short. The length of time devoted to actual spanking has gradually increased, and we are both happy with the results. If the purpose is also to relieve stress, I'm comfortable telling my husband beforehand that I need some extra attention, and he always obliges.
PK: Everyone is right. There is no correct length that a spanking should be. “Not long enough” was is my first thought for “how long do you get spanked.” After some mild complaining, Nick did better. If we have the afternoon and no time constraints, I always hope it will last over twenty minutes before we move on to equally fun activities.
Now, with all that being said, when we are in a rush to head out the door, I would love for him to take about thirty seconds and a nice wooden spoon to send me out the door stinging and smiling!
Spanky: I agree with Paul. It all depends. Erotic spankings can be either short or long based upon our mood. D/s spankings are generally protracted, but there are other things going on at the same time. Domestic discipline spankings are usually fairly short, lasting only a few minutes.
Michelle: The length of time we spend on a spanking depends upon the amount of time we have.
We've got two types of spankings. Love swats that occur whenever and are just a playful reminder of what we like to do. The erotic ones are always intertwined with our lovemaking. We don't spank every time we make love, but every time we spank, it's part of an erotic evening.
The erotic ones last from a few swats with his hand whilst we're in the middle of making love to a planned out "You've been a good girl and here's your reward" spankings with various implements. This then leads to energetic coupling and comfy snuggles afterward.
I like them all. I'd like to have the longer varieties more often, but we've got a kid and jobs, so we work in what we can.
I let my husband decide both the frequency and duration of my spankings because that's how we play. Partly, it's submission and partly, it's not wanting to push his limits. It's not his kink, but he enjoys how excited it gets me, so he's willing to play along. I don't push him for more spankings because I don't want him to get tired of it.
Recidavist: I can see why, if its erotic or foreplay, they can (and should) go on indefinitely. But if the spanking is for punishment, the answer is probably "a lot less time than you think".
Take a paddling. Twenty good hard swats with nice solid paddle will leave most of us sitting uncomfortably for some while. Even allowing for wriggling around, counting out loud and bit yelling, it can be over in under two or maybe three minutes. Corner time, a telling off, and the other ritual ancillaries stretch it out bit admittedly, but the main event can be over in less time than your average commercial break.
Not that I think this is wrong, if the spanking is supposed to be punishment, it needs to be more intense and focus the recipient’s attention on the offence for which he or she is being punished. The clarity of the reprimand can get lost in an afternoon-long ordeal.
K has several timers. With the distractions of keeping a wriggling recipient in position, giving the necessary accompanying telling-off, and, of course, administering the smacks, it is all too easy to lose track of time or have your resolve softened by pleas of contrition. The timers provide a good objective benchmark. We don't use them all the time, just occasionally to provide a point of reference or when K wants to make sure I get a properly measured dose.
The timers range from three to fifteen minutes. The shorter ones are for paddling while the longer ones are for spankings. At the time of writing this, I'm recovering for a timed ten solid minutes with the hairbrush. This was yesterday and I'm still sitting on a cushion. If you are used to entire evenings of playful smacking, ten minutes doesn't sound long I suppose. But if it’s a Hairbrush, used with intent, and you do as you are supposed to and stay reasonably still to take it, you get a lot in ten minutes. It seems a lot longer when you are on the receiving end, believe me!
Maryann: Length of spankings vary a lot. Mostly we go for a desired result, not a specific length of time.
David and Susan: We do not do D/D spanking, although our spankings often pretend to be this. We feel that spankings should not be too long, but long enough to leave Susan with a really smarting bottom and fully aroused. There is mention of one or two hour spankings. Not really ?! Even an hour across David's knee would leave Susan bored from looking at the carpet for so long. Her bottom would be numb and probably bruised and marked for some time. David would have a repetitive strain injury in his arm. We feel that Susan should be bent over comfortably (a sofa arm, chair back, or a spanking trestle to which she can be gently attached), skirt up, knickers down to get a firm hand spanking on her bare bottom. Once Susan is glowing, David can progress to sterner things such as a strap, slipper, hairbrush, and perhaps finally a paddle or cane. By this time, we both should be well ready to bring the bout to its intended end. In all, it’s not more than twenty minutes, not including the 'ending'
One of your Kindred Spirits,
Marks and Stripes, has a clip called
The List, which we think shows an erotic spanking at its best, of the right length, and severity, whilst still posing as a DD spanking. It’s worth viewing. Having written this, Susan has just gone to fetch our tool kit!
Ann: I hope new people are OK to post too! I've been lurking a while, and like your blog a lot. I have to agree with those here. Spankings really do depend on sooooo many factors including everything in the question (purpose, intensity, mood, time available) and also how much you both are willing/able to do TTWD. I know my first spanking lasted maybe two minutes and it seemed like a lot. Later, I had spankings that lasted closer to an hour (with breaks/corner time) and those were good too.
I think my partner now is psychic. He just knows my ability to take a spanking really well, but he is also willing to go longer or shorter if I need him to. So I guess we've kind of hit upon an ideal for us – we communicate our need/wants to each other!
Yes, Ann, you’re always welcome here! Thank you for sharing your insights.Soma: My partner and I both prefer longer spankings so they generally last an hour at minimum. This includes corner time and such as well. We've only had two really short spankings. One was our first together and the other was a punishment spanking where we didn’t have much time. It still hurt like hell though... ha ha. Most of our spankings are more disciplinary spankings, but they can vary from serious to more lighthearted. The light and fun ones are usually a bit shorter because we don't do corner time. I love having long spankings, as does he, so those works well for us. We don't decide how long it should go. It's always his decision on when it's enough. He's very good at judging when it should end because I never feel like it was too short or too long when we finish. Hmm, I wonder how he does that, ha ha.
Our Bottoms Burn: We spank just for fun. Becall’s spankings are much longer than mine. She is like most spanking enthusiasts in that she wants a warm up. I use several leather toys for hundreds of swats. This lasts ten to fifteen minutes. The number of licks with wooden paddles is much less, about ten to twenty, and takes maybe five to ten minutes including rubbing and, to use an old term, petting.
My paddlings are much quicker as I don’t like a warm up. Becall takes maybe five minutes to give me twenty or thirty licks including rubbing and kissing.
Greenwoman: I feel as if the center of these questions is “what's the perfect spanking?”
I have an idea of a perfect spanking, and like others, it seems to be a flow that includes a lot of other love making, flirtations, and emotional exchanges between myself and my partner. It is not only the spanking itself that makes a spanking the right length and all. It is all the other stuff that goes with it.
But from the first flirtation to last moment of cuddling, I like the more than one day kinds, where there are numerous spankings of varying intensity. *smiles*
Bonnie: Our spankings vary in length based upon all of these factors. As with most elements of a spanking, Randy chooses how long we continue. I am quite satisfied with this arrangement. He has a knack for finding that sweet spot where soreness and arousal intersect.
Thanks to everyone who added their observations. I hope you’ll join us again next week.
