Bonnie's Mailbag

The mailbag is filled to the brim. I guess we should dump it out and see what we find.

Comment: I am kind of surprised that there is an actual active blog of this type out here. What I mean is a spanking blog that has an update in the last year or two. Most seem to have dropped off the map. I hope you continue to update your blog and I will do my best not to be a lurker.

Response: The MBS blogroll now contains over 400 spanking-related blogs and they are all fairly current. We regularly trim the dead and dormant links. I'm not sure where you've been looking, but we have plenty of superb spanko bloggers right here.

Question: I can't seem to get into any Blogger blog that has the adult warning page. What am I doing wrong?

Response: This is a issue that arises periodically. The problem can usually be fixed by enabling cookies within the browser

Question: How acceptable is it to be open with good friends about our lifestyle? You know how you talk to girlfriends about personal stuff? Vanilla sex is OK to talk about with certain friends why not spanking too? I sometimes fantasize about opening up to my friend about my spanko(ness) and her saying WOW, We do that too! and us having a good laugh and girly conversation about spanking over a bottle of wine.

Response: That scenario could certainly happen, but the opposite reaction (fear, concern, rejection) is also possible. I would carefully weight any decision to share your secret with a presumably vanilla friend.

One approach you could use is the trial balloon. For example, you could tell her, “A woman I know at work told me that her boyfriend spanks her hard before they make love. She absolutely adores it. I find that intriguing. What do you think?” Her response will likely tell you all you need to know.

Question: I worry because I am so working on the submissive part of being a bottom. I have such a hard time being submissive during a spanking, physically and verbally. As much as I want it, I still complain and fight.

Response: Submission has to begin within your own mind. No one can make you submit. Even if he were to physically force his will upon you, your mind could still resist. Genuine submission must be your choice. So rather than ask your husband to wrestle you into position, you might ask yourself to demonstrate your submission to him by staying in place voluntarily (even when it really hurts).

Another option is restraint. Some people immediately think about heavy bondage and get freaked out, but it could be as simple as a scarf tied around your wrists. The point is not so much to hold you down as to remind you to submit. This would take the pressure off of your husband to both keep you in place and deliver a good spanking. And if his job is easier and more enjoyable, he will want to undertake it more regularly.

Comment: You have a large group of folks who appreciate your blog. I am amazed at the frequency and quality of your posts and even more amazed that you take the time for a personal reply to folks like me. Also, the quality of your writing is impressive, but that shouldn't be a surprise since I believe you say that you write for a living, as the saying goes.

Response: Thank you!

Comment: A very nice butt indeed. Lovely to look at. :)

Response: I can't really complain about this sort of comment because I do display my bottom on the blog. But it would be nice to have some idea who is talking to me.

Question: How much physical damage is too much for you?

Response: This answer may seem strange, but I am willing to accept more than my husband is generally willing to give me. Spankings may seem very severe (not to mention painful!) while they are happening, but the actual damage usually isn't that bad. I rarely bruise back there, but when I do, it's kind of a badge of honor.

We both have an aversion to blood, so neither of us wants to go there. An open break forces us to curtail our play or at least spank around it. :(

Question: Why do you put up with such crude and dumb questions?

Response: I can't make people stop sending me dopey messages. I could delete the messages (where's the fun in that?). I could ignore them (and sometimes, I do). I could answer them in kind (not my style). I could give them a polite response (they don't deserve it). Or I could feature them in Ask Bonnie and mailbag posts.

I usually choose this last option in hopes that readers will be amazed and amused by the stupidity that collects in my mailbox. I also wish that one reader will gain some small understanding of how it feels to be the recipient of these messages and stop harassing women for their own amusement. OK, maybe that part is not realistic, but I'm an optimist!

Response: Are you a hunter?

Question: Yes, every week at the grocery store.

Request: We are in the process of starting a spanking group in the _____ area. We are looking to meet like-minded individuals or couples interested in attending. Would you help us promote our event?

Response: I often feel torn when I get this sort of request. It's certainly on topic for MBS, but the percentage of readers to whom it would appeal is very low. Happily, Todd and Suzy have started a blog dedicated to these sorts of announcements.

Statement: Hi Bottom, I enjoy your sight.

Response: That's Ms. Smarts to you...

Question: wouldyouputmeoveryourknee

Response: noidontdothat

Question: is this the Bonnie I know?

Response: That depends. Which Bonnie do you know?

Response: Have you ever been figged?

Question: No, I haven't.

Question: When you misbehave does your husband spank you by putting you over/across his knee? Which term do you prefer over the knee or across the knee?

Response: I'm happy to answer your questions, but I would appreciate a brief introduction before you launch right in. It allows me to understand to whom I am speaking and formulate my response accordingly.

Yes, I am sometimes spanked while lying across Randy's lap. I think any term that accurately conveys the desired meaning is fine.

Question: Do you ever link F/F spanking blogs?

Response: Yes, absolutely.

Question: My girlfriend likes to be spanked and flogged but has a very low threshold for pain. I feel that she is not even warmed up when she will say "Ow. That hurts." or "Not so hard." At that point her bottom is barely red but I keep the spanks to her tolerance. She says she wants it to be fun but not hurt. That seems to defeat the purpose of a spanking. I would really like to give her a "real" spanking but of course want it to be consensual. Any advice on how to get her to agree to take it to the next level?

Response: That's a very difficult challenge. The odds of converting a completely vanilla spankee are very small. I hate to be so blunt, but if she just doesn't enjoy it, there is little you can do to convince her otherwise.

Your options are (a) suppress your spanking interest, (b) play within her boundaries, (c) find a different, kinkier girlfriend, or (d) keep your girlfriend but find another outlet for your spanking interest. None of these choices are likely to be completely satisfying. Only you can know which is preferable.

I wish I had a magic spanko potion, but I don't. Best wishes to you both!

Question: why.do.i.like.it.when.a.lady.puts.me.over.her.knee.and.smacks.my.bottom

Response: I think you know the answer as well as I do.

Question: What makes a good spanking blog in your opinion that attracts customers?

Response: I like to say that the three most important ingredients for a quality blog are content, content, and content. The best content is original, unique, memorable, error-free and targeted at the desired audience.

Question: How often should I post and how long should it really be?

Response: The ideal posting interval varies by blog and by blogger. You don't want to post just to get something out there. On the other hand, readers abandon blogs that seem stale. I've learned that if you post more than once per day, many readers will just read the top post and miss some of your best material. In time, most successful bloggers find a rhythm that works for them.

As for length, my upper limit is 1000-1500 words. Unless your prose is spellbinding, readers begin to peel off at this point. I break this guideline occasionally, but not without an understanding of the risks.

Question: May I suggest a brunch question?

Response: Yes, please do!

Statement: How are you? Have a great morning

Response: If you insist, then I must be having a great morning. That's how I am.

Question: do you play in fours? Good looking Dom and very pretty female bi sub are looking for a play couple - she loves a very hard spanking.

Response: Please read my profile. Your answer can be found there.

Question: you have quite a nice bottom dear!

Response: Thank you, honey-bunch

So we made it all the way through without a single panty question. I hope you enjoyed our first panty-free mailbag post.

Who Reads MBS? (Part One)

Very seldom do I spot a truly new blog feature, let alone invent one myself. But today I would like to introduce a concept I hope will evolve into a regular part of the blog. I'm always interested in learning more about you, the friends who read this blog. We've sorted through statistics, completed surveys, and collected comments many times before. There remains, however, one source of information I have not yet tapped.

I am delighted to have over 300 faithful followers. Thank you to everyone who has honored MBS in this way. Many of those followers have posted a brief bio. It occurred to me that those bios, taken together, paint a different picture of who is reading MBS on a regular basis. I've taken a line or two from ten randomly selected follower descriptions and assembled them below. I think this sample speaks to the wonderful diversity of our community.

• Into women who want spankings, being tied up and dominated (bondage).


• I see myself as an adventuring pirate of old stuck in the wrong century.


• I love PC gaming, movies with space battles, sappy romantic comedies, cuddly animals, home-cooked meals, and the healing powers of a well-spanked bottom.


• I want to tell you everything, whispering my confessions as I lie across your lap. I want butterflies, anxiety and comfort all wrapped in a passionate package and tied with a belt.


• I am a thirty-something man who seeks to sprinkle on his vanilla life flakes of hot red pepper.


• I'm a blissfully married woman, who at this exact moment may or may not be behaving. Mischievously learning to embrace my duties with a bit of extrinsic motivation.


• Submissive male in a female-led relationship where corporal punishment is used to maintain discipline in our home.


• I'm just a girl, exploring my sexuality and writing about it.


• Married in 1996 to a beautiful, slightly younger lady who is full of fun and adventure.


• An angel learning to be submissive and obedient wife to her king.

As we see, lots of interesting folks read MBS. And all of you are always welcome!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 26

Our topic this week was the best argument for convincing a vanilla partner to spank. Here are your thoughts.

Joey Red: Thanks to what I learned in this and other blogs and from my spanking friends, I convinced my vanilla wife of more than 25 years to spank me. Before I asked her, we talked about spanking for several weeks and I showed her articles about how spanking can spice up being intimate. After a half a bottle of wine, and when we were both in a good mood, I asked her to spank me because I liked it. Her comment: Why did you wait so long to ask? So now, it has become a part of our lives.

Bobbie Jo: Since I have not been into the scene, I think I would start with just a nice bun rub. I don't have a partner right now and I haven't started looking for one yet. But if I ever get married again (DH died last year and I never told him about my kink), I would start with the massage idea.

Neo Dom Tom: My lizard doesn't care a whit about literature. With such a woman, the best approach is to just try it out. Definitely wait until the mood is right (and you are responsible for setting the right mood – candles and sincere compliments work well), then just give her a few light spanks. Always follow with lots of nice words. Then ask if that feels OK. Then slowly, ever so slowly, begin to escalate over the course of the next few weeks. And keep talking!

Hermione: If I had to convince my partner to try spanking, I would emphasize the erotic nature of it and present it as a very arousing type of foreplay. I would include the fact that it has always been a fantasy of mine, and that he would be doing me a great service by turning my fantasy into reality. Afterward, I would tell him how much I enjoyed it and that I couldn't wait for the next time.

Meow: I think that it took a real change in my attitude toward Lash to tip our spanking life from rare mild foreplay spankings to regular harder spankings. I had to become softer, more compliant and less bossy in order for him to tap into feeling more dominant and wanting to spank. It changed the whole dynamic of our marriage. It may not work for everyone, but it sure works for us!

Welcome back, Meow! It's wonderful to hear from you.

Daisy: How about, "Well, you know how you love having a BJ? Well, I love being spanked!"

Seriously, I talked very tentatively with my husband before we married about how if he wanted a sweet, kind, happy wife and didn't want to be married to a bossy, grumpy, old nag, there was something he could try. When he expressed great concern about me "taking womanhood back 100 years" and was fearful of being "an abusive partner," I pointed him in the direction of your tutorials and articles, Bonnie! He gradually came around to the idea and is now most definitely a spanko! So, thank you!

I'm delighted to help and I celebrate your success!

Kitty: I just asked Daddy whether he'd like to spank me! He did! It doesn't hurt that he's always loved my ass. LOL

Prefectdt: Although my experiences with vanilla women and spanking are very limited, they have taught me that there is no point trying to convert a vanilla woman. You may get her to play along for a while, but if she is genuinely not interested for herself, it will only lead to argument and disharmony in the long run. If I believe a woman is truly vanilla, I will not ask her to spank me.

I am a great believer in equal rights and do not want to sound sexist, but differences between men and women have to be taken into account. The first line of Daisy's answer would probably work for a woman talking to a man, but imagine what would happen if a man said the same thing to a woman.

Emily Winters: That's easy. I would offer him more sex, better sex, more of the kind of sex he wants to have, more of me wanting to have more sex. Did I mention more sex?

Lea: If you relate it to sex, I think most men would at least give it a try. However, trying to explain to a vanilla partner (I've been there) that you want real discipline is a whole other ballgame.

All you can do is explain that it is something that you really need and desire and is important to you. Letting them read information online, in wonderful blogs such as this one, can help too. Let them see that this isn't that odd after all and that many others live this lifestyle. Hopefully, they will be open to at least giving it a try. Fortunately for me, my husband was.

Kady: I read a lot of information before I approached JJ. I wanted a little knowledge so that I could refute any of his arguments. I presented the idea, my desire, and information about how it could help us emotionally. It took him awhile as this goes against everything he has been educated to believe. He was willing to try it erotically, and then bridged over to "re-setting" me when I would get out of sorts. He realized it worked, made me happy, and he's now MORE than happy to oblige these days. ;)

Jean Marie: Like Emily and Lea said in differing ways, I've had excellent luck by baring my butt and waggling it in my lover's face. I promise that if I'm spanked well, I'll be in the mood for "anything." I've suffered from neck-whiplash after being pulled OTK so fast...

The Marine's Wife: The best argument for initially trying spanking was definitely the BJ and sex reciprocates. Trying to get a real bit of discipline was difficult, and no argument in the world would have made up for him just having the time to get used to the idea.

Just a Girl: I convinced a vanilla guy to spank me - hard - without it being sexual at first. I asked in the context of discussions about a Taken In Hand/Domestic Discipline relationship to start. Then came D/s (dominance and submission) and bondage and BDSM. This transformation progressed quickly so I think, out of all of the things I talked about, spanking was probably the least foreign or frightening for him in terms of physical domination. From there, it got real sexy, real fast because we both were thrilled to discover he really enjoyed it as much as I did.

I think I'm pretty lucky to have found a vanilla guy who has really dedicated himself to being my dominant partner. I regularly have the bruises and welts to show for it. :)

Karl Friedrich Gauss: I'm in the opposite situation with a vanilla partner who I'd like to spank.

And she's gone along with it to a certain extent. But she observes, rightly, that I'm somewhat ambivalent about the whole thing. And that gives her pause.

So, probably if I were more single-minded about it and not so much wondering whether it would really be the right thing for our relationship, she would probably be more willing to go farther.

But the fact of the matter is that I AM ambivalent, and it would be dishonest to pretend otherwise.

Nonetheless, this is good topic and one that comes up repeatedly on forums I've read. However, the situation with which I'm dealing is less often discussed. This is probably because most of the discussing is done by women, on these kind of blogs and forums, and they are quite understandably talking about their issues.

Clara: As far as I can remember, when I asked my boyfriend to spank me the reason I used was the simplest one: Because it feels really, really good!

There's also the fact that it helps a LOT with depression, but you asked for one argument, and that was the first one I used. :)

(Also, hello! Love the blog. Been reading for quite a while now, but I'm a lurker.)

Welcome Clara!

JW: I told Steve that I really needed to feel his dominance. I told him that I really liked the occasional swats that he gave me during sex and that I really wanted to try pushing it further. Fortunately for me he was game.

Bonnie: My husband is a born spanko so almost any argument is sufficient. In fact, he is quite happy to spank for no reason at all. But if I had to choose one approach that would be most effective, it would definitely involve sexual enticements.

Thanks, everyone, for joining our brunch conversation. I hope you'll stop back next week when we next gather again.

MBS Spanko Brunch #284

Welcome again, my friends, to our weekly spanko discussion. You may have noticed my recent post about Fifty Reasons to Ask your Husband or Boyfriend to Spank. Today, we'd like to hear your thoughts.

What one argument do you think is most likely to convince a vanilla partner to spank?

Please feel free to borrow a reason from my list or suggest your own. Once everyone has contributed their suggestions, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Note: Nothing in this question is to meant to imply that talking with one's partner about spanking should be undertaken without appropriate preparation. You can find some relevant suggestions here and here.

Fifty Reasons to Ask Your Husband or Boyfriend to Spank

One of the most popular MBS posts ever was a list entitled Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend. According to my statistics, it has been viewed over 322 thousand times since April, 2007.

I've never worried too much about people borrowing my ideas, especially when I'm the one doing the borrowing. So, in this spirit of creative cloning, I present a new companion list directed at our interested but reluctant spankees.

1. It's an activity you can enjoy together


2. It's fun to have a secret passion


3. Many spanking implements can double as unique decorations


4. His expression of manliness is a real turn-on


5. Lots of real people enjoy this kink (look at the blogroll --->)


6. It only hurts for a while, then it's sexy!


7. It's nice to follow rather than lead once in a while


8. His hand. Your bottom. Enough said.


9. You'll never feel more connected as a couple than after a spanking and lovemaking


10. Spanking is the perfect foreplay


11. Every once in a while, it's good to be bad


12. You've been interested for years and this feeling isn't likely to go away


13. This is a way to show him how deep your trust runs


14. You can at long last share your wildest dreams and fantasies


15. He can help you bring those fantasies to life


16. If there is sex involved, he won't say no


17. You can share your discoveries and triumphs in this wonderful cyber-spanko community


18. It's fun to tease


19. You can go toy shopping together


20. Like many activities, spanking is even better when you're naked


21. The warm feeling afterward is fantastic


22. There are lots of blogs and sites to help him understand this interest of yours


23. It can be another delicious flavor of lovemaking


24. Don't you love his commanding voice?


25. Many spanking positions are also fine lovemaking positions


26. Maybe he'll ask you to sign the paddle


27. It's fun to go out on the town with a secret glow


28. Speaking of glow, a slow, sensuous spanking by candlelight is amazing


29. There's no good reason to put this off any longer


30. You can surprise him by dressing up for your spankings


31. Spanking Poker sounds like a good time


32. It's fun to check in the mirror afterward


33. Lots of cool people are into spanking


34. It's an aerobic exercise


35. Pink is so your color


36. It's exciting to unleash his inner beast


37. This can be a shared learning experience


38. That knowing look while in a public place is the best


39. When you give him that little hip shake, he'll know exactly what you mean


40. Adult spanking when done properly is quite safe


41. Spankings can be a tremendous stress reliever


42. It's fun to experiment and discover what you like


43. Snuggling has never been better


44. This innovation could open a whole new chapter in your relationship


45. Get your money's worth out of that hairbrush


46. Best pillow talk ever


47. He might surprise you in a very good way


48. Every time you sit afterward, you'll be reminded of his wicked touch


49. Those romance novel heroines always appreciated a good spanking


50. If you've read this far, you must truly want to be spanked

If you're now convinced, I invite you to browse some of our tutorials in preparation for sharing your secret. Good luck and happy spankings!

In with the New: Bursting at the Seams Edition

Can you believe this? We just presented a dozen new blogs less than a dozen days ago. Here come 24 more!

A Disciplined Wife

A Libertine's Spanking Photoblog

A Loves Z

A Well Spanked Bottom

Alyxfic

Cali Cutie Fan

Do You Need a Spanking, Little Girl?

Domestic Discipline Views by Sweetcheeks

His First Mate

Life of Angelin in TTWD

Love Honour and Obey

My Happy Life as a Submissive Wife

My Spanking Aunt Photoblog

My Spanking Lifestyle

Ode to the Loving Discipline Photoblog

Spanking England

Spanking Fetishes Galore Photoblog

Submission Spanking Photoblog

Sweet Surrender

The Canery

The Demure Debutante

The Sting and the Slap Photoblog

The Story Book

Whacks Over Slacks

In addition, our friend Elizabeth from Sexuelle has now joined forces with MarQe's Study. Very cool.

I encourage MBS readers to stop by and greet these bloggers.

To these newest members of our community, I bid you welcome. If you would like some blogging tips and suggestions, try these. In any case, we're really glad you're here!

Interview with MarQe

Here's something fun! I was interviewed last week by MarQe. You can check it out here.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jun 19

Happy Father's Day to all of our spanko dads! Our topic this week dealt with alternating sides with each swat versus concentrating on one cheek at a time. Here's what you had to say.

Six of the Best: If it is with a hand, paddle, or hairbrush, the spanks land alternatively on each behind cheek. If it is with a birch rod or cane, the spanks land on both sides of my lady's cheeks at the same time.

Hermione: My husband applies smaller implements in an alternating left, right pattern. Sometimes, he adds variety by landing two, three or four swats on one cheek, but it's usually one swat each.

I think that if I received a large number of swats on one cheek, I might become a little uncooperative. It hurts!

Ronnie: With smaller implements, P usually starts by giving three or four swats to one cheek at a time and then changes to alternate left, right, left, right.

Fred Bloggs: The favoured technique is to mix it up to keep the spankee guessing! It becomes as much a mind game as a spanking.

Velvet: When I receive a spanking by hand, it is mostly the alternating style. With the cane, it is generally in sets of three or six before switching to the other cheek.

Prefectdt: Either alternating or in numbered sets is good for me as long as each side gets equal attention in the end. I hate feeling lopsided.

Lea: When I'm spanked, it is most often in the alternating left to right style. I HATE getting swats over and over in the same spot before he switches to the other side.

Kitty: Daddy and I are new to spanking, but sometimes he spanks several swats on one side and then switches to the other side for several swats and sometimes he alternates butt cheeks!

He's also used a yardstick and that hits both cheeks at once. The worst was a bungee cord. I jumped a mile and he only did it a little bit. The funny thing is that it didn't leave any marks, but it HURT!

Daisy: Davey usually places swats alternately, unless he is making a point. However, when he makes me self-spank, I have to do 20 or 30 hard swats to one side before swapping. This bloody HURTS, frankly! I hate self-spanking, and to have to do it that way adds insult to injury! But, he says, it would be too fragmented to keep swapping the paddle back and forth from right hand to left and back... to which I ask politely if it wouldn't be better to wait till he can administer the swats himself. Which usually earns me more...

Ms. Cassandra (Sandy) Park: I'll often alternate back and forth, but I don't usually do that for the whole spanking and I don't like following a predictable pattern. I'll also strike in different spots on the cheeks, plus the dreaded "sweet spot."

Mockingbird: Spanking in the same spot hurts worse for me than alternating. But when you alternate you never quite know where it's going to land and sometimes that's worse...

Make Mine Red: Sometimes, he alternates each swat. Sometimes, it's a few at a time on one side, then the same for the other. Mixing it up is nice. I like not knowing where it's going to land. Also, I have a rather tough backside so just alternating one at a time doesn't always get a reaction out of me. But several in the same spot will!

Kaki: He usually alternates sides, but sometimes he likes to keep me guessing and doesn't follow a pattern. He will start to go from side to side, but stop when I am expecting the next swat,. He then waits until I am not ready before swatting again. Or he mixes light and hard smacks. I think it keeps him amused. It does make it a bit difficult because you can't get into a rhythm.

JW: I would say that 95% of the time Steve alternates from side to side, but moves around my butt cheeks as he is going back and forth. Occasionally, he throws in two or three on the same side, but not usually in the same location. For example, he likes to strike once on the crown of my cheek, then move to the sit spot and then to the upper thigh on one side and then switch.

Michael: When I spank my Season, there is usually no set pattern. I start out alternating cheeks as I want to warm her up equally all over. Then I usually change rhythm with the goal of rosening her entire rear so I will spank the same side and sometimes same spot repeatedly before switching back to alternating. I don't want to become a metronome with monotonous cheek-to-cheek spanks at the same pace and same force. I travel up and down her bottom, to the tops of her thighs, the inside of her crease and inside of her thighs - especially ouchy - sometimes using only fingertips and finger slaps other times using the full force of my entire palm so as to always keep Season guessing and to heighten the experience.

S: Usually, it is both cheeks - left, right,left. But sometimes as my bare bottom lies smiling up at D from over his knees, he will say, "I think one side only this time; which cheek would you like?" I don't like being spanked on one cheek only. It means double the number of whacks, and the total sting gets far worse, so I say sulkily "Neither." He replies, "And for that you get a dozen extra, and all on your right side, because I can get a better swing at your right cheek." . A moment later, the wooden brush thwacks down just there. I was to get three dozen, but with the extras, it's four. By the time they have landed on nearly the same spot, my right bun is burning and smarting, and feels ten times the size of its unspanked neighbour.

When I get up, D laughs as I try to soothe the poor bun, and inspect the one tomato-like cheek. But the worst bit is sitting. After a spanking like that, I have one very tender cheek, which I try to keep the weight off by sitting lopsided, again much to D's amusement, and also anyone else who may know that I have just been spanked.

Bonnie: Randy mixes up the location, pace, and intensity so I have no idea what is coming next. I really dislike large numbers of consecutive swats directed at the same spot. He knows this and loves to strike my lower cheeks in this fashion as he tells me how difficult it will be for me to sit the following morning. I sometimes tire of these painful prophesies, but my Nostradamus of the night is usually right.

Thanks, everyone, for joining our brunch conversation. We'll be back here for more next weekend.

MBS Spanko Brunch #283

Hello again and welcome to our weekly gathering! Our topic is based upon a question from a new reader named Jennifer. It deals with spanking technique.

There are two sides to every bottom. When employing a smaller spanking implement, do you or your partner strike the cheeks in alternating fashion (left, right, left, right...), spank multiple times on the same side before changing, or some combination? Can this sequence alter the spankee's perception of the spanking?

We would love to hear what you think. To share your answer, just add a comment below. I will post an edited summary once everyone has had their chance to respond.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 12

Our topic this week was spanking marks. Here are your thoughts.

Newports.sub: I especially enjoy marks left from a caning, those nice little purple stripes. Seeing them a day or two later is a nice reminder of the session. I saw a comment once where they were referred to as souvenirs.

Hermione: I love having residual marks, although they happen rarely. They are a nice remembrance of a successful spanking. It turns me on to see them on my own bottom, but I'd rather not see them on anyone else's.

Sam and HeiDDi: I also enjoy marks, but I think my partner enjoys seeing them more. It's like viewing their creation Sam says. LOL So it's more of turn-on for Sam than it is for me.

Simon(e): I enjoy having a visible reminder of my punishment, although I wouldn't want anyone other than my mistress and her friends to see them. Regrettably, my bottom doesn't mark much however severe the punishment. Except for an exceptionally punishing caning, the marks disappear very quickly. Based upon pictures of other people's punishments (both male and female), some bottoms seem to mark considerably more than others.

Joey Red: I enjoy viewing the marks from a hard spanking. It serves as a visual reminder of a hard session and that wonderful feeling of subspace. The black and blue bruises have sometimes lasted five or six days.

Bobbie Jo: I don't like to see marks on anyone and I would not want to be marked at all. A nice glowing red with no marks looks great. I realize that there are people that want to be marked and I have seen some pretty severe stuff. But it's not for me.

How about this for getting marked? I saw a picture years ago of a frat guy whose right cheek was totally purple. Nothing on the left. Just the right and I mean deep amethyst purple!

Scunge: I love getting "badges of courage" though I rarely get them these days. When I do, sitting down makes me smile remembering the spanking that caused them.

morningstar: This is a tough question for me to answer because I seldom mark from a spanking. I do get deep tissue bruising if the large wooden paddle is used and I HATE those. They don't show. When I am trying to prove to W that I do have a sore ass, he always pokes and prods the lumps making me do the "subbie dance" all over the room. YIKES, they hurt.

The odd time when I have had a small bruise or two, I am delighted and spend as much time as possible looking at them in the mirror. I think it makes W feel proud of the work he has done. In a weird way, it's as though he has "mastered it."

New Subbie: I love seeing the marks, though my HOH does not enjoy it. He tends to feel badly about bruising me. The truth is, I bruise quite easily and even the lightest of spankings leaves a bruise. I love seeing that reminder and feeling the love that comes from HOH stepping out of his comfort zone to lead me in this way.

Prefectdt: I love having marks, it is just a pity that they fade so fast these days. I wish that they would last as long as the memories that they leave behind.

This is She: I love marks. However, it's nearly impossible for me to wear them. They just don't stick!

Keiter & Jean Marie: We'd both like to respond...

As the top, I adore my lover's bottom. I would prefer to spank her playfully often and only punish her when she clearly needs it. The bruises blemish a perfect posterior, and it almost breaks my heart to mark her.

As his bottom, I need a sound thrashing periodically. My butt has weathered a lot of punishment over the years, and is no worse for the wear. I view bruises or cane welts as tangible evidence of our bond and who I am as a submissive. I get a thrill from feeling and looking at my marks afterward. I confess that I brat on purpose to make my man punish me harder than he'd like. I love him for giving me what I need. And the sex that follows is always so delicious!

Six of the Best: I've seen many a beautiful sight this world over. But one that gladdens the heart and mind for me is a rosy, well-striped female bare bottom.

Make Mine Red: I like red stripes, strap marks and welts that last briefly afterwards like for an hour or so. I don't care for bruises that last days or anything too severe though.

Little Missie: I love marks! Tiger stripes on my back after a party are sweet. Ditto marks on my backside after a punishment. The soreness lets me feel his loving touch for days to come. I don’t bruise very easy, so it takes a very hard spanking or flogging to leave the marks I love so much. But it leaves me purring for days. The hardest part is that he won’t spank again until all the marks have completely healed. Even if I beg, he won’t do it.

Adriane (Uber Brat): I love seeing marks after a either a "good girl" or "bad girl" spanking. It is either a reminder of a lesson learned, or a reminder of a great fun time, or both. I wouldn't say they alter the effectiveness of the spanking itself though.

I'd say the level of lasting soreness has a greater impact (LOL, impact) on the effectiveness of a punishment. The spanking that left me the most marked was, surprisingly, not the one that left me the most sore. The one that left me sorest, however, had me feeling the most remorseful for my uber bratty behavior.

For a funishment, or "good girl" spanking, there are other things that would either alter or show what type of effect it was having. ;-)

Lasting marks are more like playful souvenirs to me than anything else. They're something neat to see the next day. It's also fun to count how long they take to fade.

Michelle Carlyle: Marks are rather alarming because we normally don't play that heavy. However, when I receive them, they remind me of the good time I had. I think I bruise too easily because the last time I had marks, I hadn't thought he'd spanked me that hard. But I was rather drunk at the time. :)

Daisy: Davey loves to see my bottom glowing like a stop light, but he is not so keen on bruising me, unless it is for a very very good reason. He got quite upset when he accidentally caused bruising during a birthday spanking. However, when I had an awesome bruise on one cheek from a very bad girl spanking, I think he was quite satisfied it was there! It was lovely to be able to feel that dull ache for a couple of days.

I prefer to have an odd bruise as opposed to that red glow which always fades minutes later and considerably sooner than the soreness fades! He sees it has gone, and starts over, but I STILL HURT!

I do not like seeing severe bruising. I think it looks awful, and photographs of people with cane marks really upset me, as do pictures and videos of really harsh spanking. Whatever floats your boat. I'm just saying that sort of thing sinks mine!

Ms. Betty: It depends on the marks. I don't like the look of bruises. It's my own odd quirk, but to my mind a bruise is an injury and I feel I've done something wrong if I leave one. And I just don't find their colors or shapes pleasing to the eye.

Welts, on the other hand, I quite like the look of. There's just something thrilling about all those lovely parallel lines.

Of course, a nice deep red that fades slowly is always nice, too.

Lea: Pictures of badly marked bottoms make me cringe. I don't like it on myself, but I'm a magic marker and turn colors easily. I wish I was someone who could get a lasting redness and soreness instead, but it's never been that way. I don't think leaving marks makes the spanking any more or less effective. I remember it either way. I've found that for a lot of tops, it is a turn-off to spank an already bruised bottom.

Alice: I do like to see marks on occasion, although they usually seem to disappear fairly quickly. I'm not exactly sure what feeling the marks produce in me - reminders of my vulnerability, His power, how it all felt? Whatever the feeling represents, it is very rewarding to see those marks in the mirror and I wish it could happen more often.

Just a Girl: I adore the marks and bruises. The boy was wary of them at first and concerned, but he's become comfortable with them and now looks for them. We both seem to want lasting evidence, so that I'll remember and carry that memory while we are apart. I don't mark easily, so it takes quite a bit to get there.

I will admit to quite often looking in the mirror to check the status of my marks and bruises! He also has a habit of checking my bottom the morning after to see what he's created.

JW: Since I don't have much time to look at my behind, it doesn't much matter to me whether I have marks or not. I don't mark easily and if I do, it fades quickly. One time after a spanking, I ended up with a strange pattern of small round bruises that were arranged in such a way around the edges that it literally looked like my bottom was encased in a pair of parentheses. We took a picture because it was so cool looking. We took another of an interesting pattern of welts from a switching. Hmmmm... I guess I do like a cool, interesting or pretty pattern.

Ronnie: I love having the reminder of marks after a spanking especially those lovely little cane lines. I don't like to see severe bruising.

Anon: I do not like to see bruising, and neither does he. A nice red glow is great though!

Beth: I love, love, love marks. It doesn't matter what kind of play they are from as long as they stay for at least a few days. I keep peeking at them every chance I get, and I'm sad when they finally go away.

Michael: I love to make my Season's bottom dark pink, and then rosy red, but I don't like leaving marks or bruises. I know lots of people like giving and receiving marks, but that does nothing for me and is actually a turn-off.

Bonnie: I don't know whether it's Randy's expert spanking technique or my tough old hide, but I very seldom mark. When marks do arise, we enjoy them while they last.

Thank you, everyone, for joining us. I hope to see you all again next weekend!

MBS Spanko Brunch #282

I'd like to turn back the clock almost five years with a classic brunch question from our twenty fifth weekly brunch. Our topic this week deals with the most obvious after-effects of a spanking.

Please describe your feelings about spanking marks. Do you enjoy wearing or viewing visible marks? Do you find them a turn-on? Do residual marks make a spanking more effective? Does the context of the spanking alter your opinion?

I hope you will share your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has submitted their responses, I will publish an edited summary of the discussion.

Thank you, as always, for sharing your experiences and insight.

In with the New: Graduation Edition

Presented for your summer reading enjoyment is this fine collection of relatively young spanking-oriented blogs.

A Master's Kitty

DD Ken & Barbie

For the Cute Little Deer

Kitty's Woodshed

Living in DD

My Mask

Not the Petries - Our Road

Rose's Diary

Sam and HeiDDi

Scribbles of a Confused Mind

The Definition

Trying to Learn, Learning to Try

To these new members of our community, I bid you welcome. If you would like some blogging tips and suggestions, try these. In any case, we're very glad you're here!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 5

Our topic of the week inquired whether a spanker's hand hurts less than, the same as, or more than a spankee's bottom. Here are your thoughts.

Morningstar: I think it has a lot to do with the spanker's hand and how "tough" it is. I have had a number of different people spank my ass by hand. Only one person said his hand didn't hurt afterward. In most of my spankings, the hand gives out before my ass (cheeky grin).

Xantu: Oh, Master complains. He says sissy things like my bottom is hard. Hard? But I am not buying it. There is no question that my ass hurts worse than his hand. I know this because I have often offered to switch places with him and he has never once taken me up on that offer.

Uncle Nick: The palm tingles after a good walloping, but nowhere near as much as the bottom that has just been corrected. It isn't that tingling which leads me to bring a spanking to a close. Rather, it is that my arm invariably starts to ache and grow tired from all of the exertion.

Raven Red: I believe that Uncle Nick's hand is made out nothing else than iron. There is NO way that his hand can even come close to what my bottom is feeling after he has gotten hold of it.

After reading his comment here, I think I will propose a game of squash or tennis before the spanking. Maybe that would assist with the arm tiring thing, and cause a less ouchy bottom afterward.

Six of the Best: If I use my hand to spank my naughty lady, I find it would soon hurt my hand, so I switch to my old-reliable cane.

Rob: My spouse starts with her hand, but after a few minutes, she says it stings too much and switches to some other implement (typically the paddle) to finish up.

CurtisG: I am a switch. But I only use my hand as a spanker and I only let my partner use her hand when spanking me. Since my approach is to deliver (and receive) stinging pleasure, the level of spanking as a spanker very much depends on my partner's desires. Most of the time, it's at a level that I can go all day and night without damage to my hand. But I did play with a woman who wanted to be spanked very hard. After about twenty minutes, I developed a blister on my hand -- long before she was sated.

Hermione: I would expect that the pain is the same for both parties. The only difference is that the spankee seeks that pain, while for the spanker it is a necessary evil. It's hard to say for certain since everyone perceives pain differently.

When a spanking continues for some time, my bottom becomes dulled to the pain and doesn't hurt as much. I don't know if that same numbing effect would happen to a hand. Ron sometimes complains about hurting his hand on my bottom, but lengthy spankings are done with implements, so I can't ask him whether his hand hurts more or less with increased duration.

Michelle Carlyle: I have no idea because I've never spanked anyone. Do I care? No. I want what I want. I think I'll tell Hubby this. I think a saucy look in my eye combined with a nasty grin and the words, "I don't care if your hand hurts, suck it up," should earn me an extra good whacking. HEEEE! I'm a baaaad girl.

Kingspan: One of the things I enjoy about spanking with my hand rather than an implement is the shared sensation. However, I think the bottom gets the much larger share of the sting, despite the old cliche that "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

Michael: I would say it depends on the individuals involved. For example, a spankee like Erica Scott with her bionic butt, as Devlin O'Neill has christened it from personal experience, can wear out the most ardent spanker's hand.

I would say Season's bottom hurts more than my hand because after a while my hand numbs up and while I can still feel the spanks, they no longer hurt my hand. This kind of makes it like the Energizer Bunny where I can go on, and on, and on...

Jean Marie: I have a JLo/Kim Kardasian bubble butt that can take a lot of spanking. My lover has a touch of arthritis in his hands, although he's a youthful man in his 50's. We both like hand spankings over using implements for the mutuality of the experience (though I get it with implements frequently too). All that said, Keiter is a maniac, who can always spank me into submission (pun intended). His hand wins out over my backside every time, and I love what his hand does to my bottom!

Daisy: My bottom definitely hurts more than Davey's hand! One time, he spanked me with just his hand, and I had quite beautiful bruises that lasted several days. His hand was fine! We don't usually like bruises, but there was a particular purpose to that spanking and I was therefore quite proud of them!

DD: BBH has never complained about his hand hurting, even long after I've said my bottom does! He normally changes to an implement after the warm up, so he probably doesn't have to worry about any tenderness on his palm.

Bree: It depends upon the spanker's use of the hand, intensity and duration. It also depends upon the spanker's strength in their hands, how big their hands are and what they actually do with their hands for a living. I can go pretty hard and long into a spanking with the hand. I have never had anyone who has spanked me say their hand was tired. It also depends upon the soreness of the bottom before the spanking starts. I have only given in once. I was too sore to have agreed to be spanked. That has never happened again.

As a spanker, my hand has never hurt, but my arm usually does after a while. It's a good thing that I can spank with both hands. Hehe.

All in all, if the technique of the spanker is correct for that particular bottom, the bottom will definitely hurt more.

Lea: I'd say my bottom hurts much more than the top's hand does. I'm not a very hard player, so I am usually worn out before they have the chance to do much damage to their hand. But I don't really have much sympathy for a top with a sore arm/hand anyway. :-P

Mockingbird: Pssht! I'm in so much pain at the end that I never even think about *his* hand. I'm pretty sure my bottom hurts worse.

Prefectdt: I can answer from both sides of the coin.

I think it very much depends upon the spanker and what they do with their hands in normal life. I have been hand spanked by women who could go on forever and seemed to suffer no ill effects to their palms. I have been spanked by other women who had to give it up for a toy after less than five minutes as their hands where very sore.

I do not switch often, but when I do I have no great ill effects from giving an extended hand spanking. Many years of horticulture have left me with palms that have been compared to leather on a few occasions.

Emily Winters: I've never spanked anyone. But I sure would like to! Any volunteers?

You know that saying, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” All I can say is that I hope so, because I have had some seriously painful hand spankings. Those glancing swats are designed to sting. The more thuddy ones sink in way down deep. Of course, I have a tiny bum so that could explain it. At any rate, I have to admit to a certain feeling of satisfaction when I see Nigel wringing his hand during and after a particularly lengthy one! Hehe

Season: Here's an experiment to try. Smack your bare bottom with your own hand. Which stings more? In my case, my hand hurts more. Maybe I just have a wimpy hand. It's a good thing that I'm not a top! *grin*

Pink: He's never spanked me until he was crying, so I'm going to have to go with "the butt hurts more."

Bonnie: We've learned on numerous occasions that Randy's hand gives out long before my bottom. The difference is, I believe, that my posterior real estate is considerably larger than the surface area of his hand. As a result, he strikes the same spot on my seat only maybe once in every six or eight strokes. His hand, however, feels all of them.

Once the implements come out, however, any advantage I might have disappears immediately.

Thank you all for participating in our brunch. I hope to see you again next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #281

It's time for another weekend discussion about our very favorite topic. Our question of the week was contributed by our good friend Season.

During and after a hand spanking, do you think that the spanker's hand hurts more, about the same, or less than the spankee's bottom? Does the duration or intensity of a spanking have any bearing on your answer?

If you would like to share your response (and I hope you will), just add it as a comment below. As usual, I will post an edited summary of our conversation on Sunday.

It's the Little Things (Part Two)

When last we saw our hero, he was removing my slacks... (If you are just joining us, part one can be found here).

Randy soon returned carrying something in his hand that I couldn't immediately identify. “Now comes the unveiling,” he announced. After opening the top button of my slacks, my lover took the handle of the zipper and slowly unpeeled his treasure. I could detect enthusiasm in his voice as he declared his approval.

“What a magnificent ass, all warmed up and ready for action!” With that, he began kissing my lower back. He slipped my slacks down toward my upper thighs, continuing to kiss, lick, nip, and caress as he moved ever southward. His fingers admired the jutting orbs he had just set aglow. Soon the red thong that framed his artwork had to be removed as well.

From his pocket, he removed my favorite bullet vibrator and quickly activated it. In response to the telltale hum, I broadened my stance and arched my back. At first, he touched me lightly in a place he knows I like. Within a few minutes, he increased the pace and the intensity with which he slid the smooth plastic toy in, out, forward, and back. He punctuated this delightful stroking with regular swats from the leather paddle that was now back in his spare hand. The heavenly combination drove me to the brink of release. The sound made by the leather impacting firmly against my bare skin was quite different from the muffled thud I heard before my pants descended. Now loud cracks reverberated in my head even as the accompanying discomfort spread across my cheeks.

Then he stopped.

When he walked to the closet, I collapsed onto the bed. My next recollection was Randy helping me back up as he slid our love ramp underneath my hips. The slacks that started the ruckus were now removed and tossed over a chair. My feet were on the floor, but my throbbing bottom was now pointed straight at the ceiling. I had no idea what to expect next.

His desire, it seems, was every bit as powerful as my own. I gasped with both joy and anticipation as he entered me. I pushed back against his powerful thrusts as we bucked in unison. His strong hands clamped onto the fleshy part of my hips. My cries of pleasure seemed to drive him to continue his vigorous cadence. After he finished, his relaxed body rested atop mine. His arms encircled my waist. It felt so wonderful to renew this physical and spiritual bond.

Surprisingly, my bottom did not hurt that much after this adventure. But Randy took care of that issue by spanking me again the following morning for having the audacity to wear a certain red thong to bed. I told him that it's the little things that matter...

Based upon our poll results, my surprise was completely justified!

It's the Little Things (Part One)

I'll warn you in advance that this story is a teaser...

When a couple has been together for a long time, it's easy to fall into a rut. It's not a matter of not getting along or not desiring one another or not appreciating each other. It's more a feeling that you've tried everything there is to do.

When the novelty wears off, Randy and I work together to bring it back. Our secret isn't something spectacular like mile high spankings (already did that!) or paddlings with a cricket bat (um, no thank you). It's little things.

Knowing each other as we do, we each know what the other craves. I had a little extra money this past weekend, so I decided it was time to freshen my summer wardrobe. While shopping, I found a pair of slacks that I immediately knew would light Randy's fuse. They were a stylish light tan hue and highlighted my curves quite nicely, but the key features were a zipper in the center of the back and button at the waistband.

I used to wear pants, shorts, and skirts with a back zipper and/or buttons when they were popular back in the seventies and eighties. Randy loves this look. To him, it represents free access and an open invitation to use my bottom as he pleases. I bought the slacks and a couple of coordinating items and brought them home.

We had plans to meet some friends for dinner on Saturday night. I figured this would be an ideal opportunity to introduce my apparel upgrade. I paired a cool turquoise cotton blouse with my new tan slacks. I wore a red thong underneath to cover the very slim possibility that Randy didn't catch the hint.

He called up to the bedroom where I was dressing. As usual, he was ready to go and I wasn't. I vowed to make his wait worthwhile. A few minutes later, I strolled down the steps with a little extra hip shake once I knew he was watching.

“Wow. I like that.” he stammered.

I rubbed my body against his. “We really have to go, you know.”

I knelt before him in the front hall. “I told Bob we'd meet...”

By this time, I had matters well in hand. My man offered no further protest as I paid tribute to his masculinity.

- - - - -
As we drove to the restaurant, Randy asked, “Are those new pants?” I confirmed his suspicion.

“They look really good on you.” I smiled. “We may have to take those off later.” His hand rubbed the outside of my thigh.

Despite our late arrival, our friends weren't anywhere around. I could only hope it was for the same reason. We were seated and ordered drinks. While we were waiting, I excused myself to visit the powder room. I figured that my makeup could use some freshening. As I left the table, I walked about six steps before turning around to see Randy staring at my bottom. I smiled, gave him a brief hip shimmy, and scampered off to the ladies room.

When I returned to the table, our friends had arrived and the conversation had turned boring. I'm glad there are people who know about 401Ks and Roth IRAs and navigate through the monetary haze. But at dinner? Ew. I'd rather talk about a septic system china syndrome.

We ordered attractive entrees from the seafood-oriented menu. Randy selected sauteed fish and I had a shrimp, scallop, and angel hair in olive oil dish. Eventually, the conversation lightened up, but only after a survey of weather, sports, and politics. At least the dinner was good.

After dinner, we bid our friends good night and walked back to the car. Randy couldn't seem to keep his hands off of me. I thought I might get a full blown spanking right there in the parking lot (not that I would have necessarily minded, but there are better places for such things).

When we got home, Randy made it clear that he intended to help himself to all that is his. I love it when he talks like that. Moments later, I found myself up in our bedroom, bending over the bed. Randy apparently thought that the seat of my slacks required one more quality control test. His test involved a spanking with a leather paddle. It was yummy in a delightfully warm stinging way.

Between swats, his hands touched, caressed, squeezed, and kneaded the light fabric covering my bottom. After a while, his fertile imagination progressed to the next step. He tossed the paddle onto the bed and wandered into our bathroom. “Stay there,” he instructed. I stayed.

Soon he returned carrying something in his hand that I couldn't immediately identify. “Now comes the unveiling,” he announced. After opening the top button of my slacks, my lover took the handle of the zipper and slowly unpeeled his treasure. I could detect enthusiasm in his voice as he declared his approval.

What was Randy carrying? A Wooden Bathbrush A Wet Washcloth A Tube of Lubricant A Vibrator Massage Oil Nothing Current Results

Tune in again tomorrow for the exciting conclusion!