Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bonnie's Mailbag

The mailbag is filled to the brim. I guess we should dump it out and see what we find.

Comment: I am kind of surprised that there is an actual active blog of this type out here. What I mean is a spanking blog that has an update in the last year or two. Most seem to have dropped off the map. I hope you continue to update your blog and I will do my best not to be a lurker.

Response: The MBS blogroll now contains over 400 spanking-related blogs and they are all fairly current. We regularly trim the dead and dormant links. I'm not sure where you've been looking, but we have plenty of superb spanko bloggers right here.

Question: I can't seem to get into any Blogger blog that has the adult warning page. What am I doing wrong?

Response: This is a issue that arises periodically. The problem can usually be fixed by enabling cookies within the browser

Question: How acceptable is it to be open with good friends about our lifestyle? You know how you talk to girlfriends about personal stuff? Vanilla sex is OK to talk about with certain friends why not spanking too? I sometimes fantasize about opening up to my friend about my spanko(ness) and her saying WOW, We do that too! and us having a good laugh and girly conversation about spanking over a bottle of wine.

Response: That scenario could certainly happen, but the opposite reaction (fear, concern, rejection) is also possible. I would carefully weight any decision to share your secret with a presumably vanilla friend.

One approach you could use is the trial balloon. For example, you could tell her, “A woman I know at work told me that her boyfriend spanks her hard before they make love. She absolutely adores it. I find that intriguing. What do you think?” Her response will likely tell you all you need to know.

Question: I worry because I am so working on the submissive part of being a bottom. I have such a hard time being submissive during a spanking, physically and verbally. As much as I want it, I still complain and fight.

Response: Submission has to begin within your own mind. No one can make you submit. Even if he were to physically force his will upon you, your mind could still resist. Genuine submission must be your choice. So rather than ask your husband to wrestle you into position, you might ask yourself to demonstrate your submission to him by staying in place voluntarily (even when it really hurts).

Another option is restraint. Some people immediately think about heavy bondage and get freaked out, but it could be as simple as a scarf tied around your wrists. The point is not so much to hold you down as to remind you to submit. This would take the pressure off of your husband to both keep you in place and deliver a good spanking. And if his job is easier and more enjoyable, he will want to undertake it more regularly.

Comment: You have a large group of folks who appreciate your blog. I am amazed at the frequency and quality of your posts and even more amazed that you take the time for a personal reply to folks like me. Also, the quality of your writing is impressive, but that shouldn't be a surprise since I believe you say that you write for a living, as the saying goes.

Response: Thank you!

Comment: A very nice butt indeed. Lovely to look at. :)

Response: I can't really complain about this sort of comment because I do display my bottom on the blog. But it would be nice to have some idea who is talking to me.

Question: How much physical damage is too much for you?

Response: This answer may seem strange, but I am willing to accept more than my husband is generally willing to give me. Spankings may seem very severe (not to mention painful!) while they are happening, but the actual damage usually isn't that bad. I rarely bruise back there, but when I do, it's kind of a badge of honor.

We both have an aversion to blood, so neither of us wants to go there. An open break forces us to curtail our play or at least spank around it. :(

Question: Why do you put up with such crude and dumb questions?

Response: I can't make people stop sending me dopey messages. I could delete the messages (where's the fun in that?). I could ignore them (and sometimes, I do). I could answer them in kind (not my style). I could give them a polite response (they don't deserve it). Or I could feature them in Ask Bonnie and mailbag posts.

I usually choose this last option in hopes that readers will be amazed and amused by the stupidity that collects in my mailbox. I also wish that one reader will gain some small understanding of how it feels to be the recipient of these messages and stop harassing women for their own amusement. OK, maybe that part is not realistic, but I'm an optimist!

Response: Are you a hunter?

Question: Yes, every week at the grocery store.

Request: We are in the process of starting a spanking group in the _____ area. We are looking to meet like-minded individuals or couples interested in attending. Would you help us promote our event?

Response: I often feel torn when I get this sort of request. It's certainly on topic for MBS, but the percentage of readers to whom it would appeal is very low. Happily, Todd and Suzy have started a blog dedicated to these sorts of announcements.

Statement: Hi Bottom, I enjoy your sight.

Response: That's Ms. Smarts to you...

Question: wouldyouputmeoveryourknee

Response: noidontdothat

Question: is this the Bonnie I know?

Response: That depends. Which Bonnie do you know?

Response: Have you ever been figged?

Question: No, I haven't.

Question: When you misbehave does your husband spank you by putting you over/across his knee? Which term do you prefer over the knee or across the knee?

Response: I'm happy to answer your questions, but I would appreciate a brief introduction before you launch right in. It allows me to understand to whom I am speaking and formulate my response accordingly.

Yes, I am sometimes spanked while lying across Randy's lap. I think any term that accurately conveys the desired meaning is fine.

Question: Do you ever link F/F spanking blogs?

Response: Yes, absolutely.

Question: My girlfriend likes to be spanked and flogged but has a very low threshold for pain. I feel that she is not even warmed up when she will say "Ow. That hurts." or "Not so hard." At that point her bottom is barely red but I keep the spanks to her tolerance. She says she wants it to be fun but not hurt. That seems to defeat the purpose of a spanking. I would really like to give her a "real" spanking but of course want it to be consensual. Any advice on how to get her to agree to take it to the next level?

Response: That's a very difficult challenge. The odds of converting a completely vanilla spankee are very small. I hate to be so blunt, but if she just doesn't enjoy it, there is little you can do to convince her otherwise.

Your options are (a) suppress your spanking interest, (b) play within her boundaries, (c) find a different, kinkier girlfriend, or (d) keep your girlfriend but find another outlet for your spanking interest. None of these choices are likely to be completely satisfying. Only you can know which is preferable.

I wish I had a magic spanko potion, but I don't. Best wishes to you both!

Question: why.do.i.like.it.when.a.lady.puts.me.over.her.knee.and.smacks.my.bottom

Response: I think you know the answer as well as I do.

Question: What makes a good spanking blog in your opinion that attracts customers?

Response: I like to say that the three most important ingredients for a quality blog are content, content, and content. The best content is original, unique, memorable, error-free and targeted at the desired audience.

Question: How often should I post and how long should it really be?

Response: The ideal posting interval varies by blog and by blogger. You don't want to post just to get something out there. On the other hand, readers abandon blogs that seem stale. I've learned that if you post more than once per day, many readers will just read the top post and miss some of your best material. In time, most successful bloggers find a rhythm that works for them.

As for length, my upper limit is 1000-1500 words. Unless your prose is spellbinding, readers begin to peel off at this point. I break this guideline occasionally, but not without an understanding of the risks.

Question: May I suggest a brunch question?

Response: Yes, please do!

Statement: How are you? Have a great morning

Response: If you insist, then I must be having a great morning. That's how I am.

Question: do you play in fours? Good looking Dom and very pretty female bi sub are looking for a play couple - she loves a very hard spanking.

Response: Please read my profile. Your answer can be found there.

Question: you have quite a nice bottom dear!

Response: Thank you, honey-bunch

So we made it all the way through without a single panty question. I hope you enjoyed our first panty-free mailbag post.


kiwigirliegirl said...

great bunch of questions with a couple of lemons in there I think. Two things Id agree with - submission definately in the mind. When i know ive done something really really bad and im suffering a severe punishment i try really really hard to stay in place to submit to the punishment i know i deserve - its hard but its good for my soul. Secondly, i think we have probably all had a fantasy of sharing this lifestyle with a very close vanilla friend - i have been tempted lately but am going to keep my lips closed for now. As much as i am not ashamed of this lifestyle, a lot of people dont understand it and it would change the dynamic of the relationship with my friend.

Cool blog - enjoyed it :)

The Marine's Wife said...

Nice. I'm not surprised you get all these questions, though. You really do have a very informative blog that makes us all feel like we can trust you with almost Amy question. I have to wonder about a few of those, though!

Anonymous said...

Excellent post Bonnie. Thanks.

ronnie said...

I did enjoy this post Bonnie. Thanks for sharing some of your mail with us.


Anonymous said...

What a fun post, Bonnie! Made me laugh. :)

Hermione said...

Hi Bonnie,

“A woman I know at work told me..." That's a brilliant way to introduce the topic when talking to a close friend. It seems safe enough, unless the friend is also from work and wants to know who it is:) I think that might helpful for those who want to share their love of spanking with others.


Rich Person said...

Well, if your girlfriend experiences pain much more intensely than you like, then perhaps you need to consider buffering her bottom a little. This calls for experimenting. So, my question (Bonnie) is: how many pairs of panties does it take to... oh, darn. There goes the pantiless post!

As for a hard time being submissive, I'm not sure this has to be a problem. Of course, if you are struggling with something, then it doesn't help to have others tell you not to worry. (Much.) But, there are probably plenty of bottoms that enjoy the struggle and make it part of their play. So, perhaps the answer here is to consider that the struggle is part of the experience. In any case, there isn't any one correct way to do this.

However, I like your suggestion of exploring bondage. I would just add that it's a good time to get a good book on the subject because there are many helpful hints on this (and some dangers to be avoided, as well).

Anonymous said...

Heck I was hoping to bring up the panties thing first. How do you feel about shorts Bonnie? I have a purely academic interest in the subject and do not have a large collection in my wardrobe garnered from various washing lines, in case you were wondering. "Large" is a very subjective term.

sixofthebest said...

Bonnie, you sure get a variety of questions, asked of you. And your answers are wonderful, and amazing. I love your blog, from one of your most admired lurker's.

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