Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 29

Our topic this week was quitting spanking. Here are your responses.

Mija: My answer is a resounding YES, but almost all of those purges were before I found ASS/SSS. I can distinctly remember times when I'd look at my little cache of spanking erotica -- journals and notebooks I'd written, books (usually Blue Moon by the always popular "anon") and feel this sense of revulsion with myself. I'd scoop everything into a trash bag and carry it to a dumpster a few blocks away, binning everything. This would usually be followed by several months to years of trying to avoid thinking or writing about spanking.

I've only done something like this once since finding any spanking / online community. Ten years ago when I getting ready to visit the UK for the several months, all my stuff was going to be stored in my parents' garage. I had a fear of my younger brother going through the boxes and finding my spanking stuff and (even worse) anal toy (there was only one then). I threw everything away yet again, but for the last time. And yes, Paul did laugh at me.

Now my erotica is shelved with the rest of the books, as they should be.

Hermione: I have never thought that I would want to give up spanking. We did take a leave of absence for over two years after we adopted a dog who objected to the activity. I let my husband take the lead and didn't question his decision, because he's in charge of bedroom activities. But I was thoroughly delighted when he finally took steps to resume spanking me, and now we enjoy it more than ever.

Perhaps the hiatus allowed us to realize how important it was to our intimate relationship. I'm certain that if the possibility of another break arose, I would insist we discuss the matter and consider other alternatives.

Todd and Suzy: No, we've never decided to give up spanking. There was a long pause once because of health issues that forced us (basically) to give it up. I really can't imagine giving it up otherwise, because it's such an integral part of our play and sex.

Now, we HAVE talked about giving up the online and party spanking scene. That can get to be too drama filled at times. It's a bit like high school. When that's happened, we've managed to step away from the situation, but not the entire scene. If it ever got to be too much and the fun was lost, we'd step away.

I don't see us ever walking away from spanking in our private life though. We're just too "hardwired" to pick that option.

Curtis: I never decided to walk away from spanking, but I did have it taken away from me for a very long time. My ex-wife and I played spanking games during dating, while we lived together for five years and two years into the marriage. Then she announced that she didn't like it about at the time that our son was on his way to being born. So for a very long time I had only the fantasies and no reality to carry me through. This drought lasted until I couldn't stand it any more and broke out. If you're wired like me, you return because it's at the core of your sexuality and until that fire dies, you want to pursue it.

(I did once do what Mija did. I discarded my entire collection of spanking things because I didn't want my son to come upon them)

Jean Marie: I could no more walk away from spanking than I could walk away from my big, round buttocks. It's a part of me.

Scunge: I feel the same as Jean Marie. Right now we are having privacy issues and I am going NUTS, but I can NEVER see giving it up.

Dr. Ken: I have, like many others, thrown away my collection of spanking-related material (only to eventually go out and try to re-collect it all over again). But I never thought I was walking away from spanking, only from having the material around.

The truth is, most of my life has been spent without a spanking partner. So there's never really been anything to walk away from, and more of an overwhelming desire to be walking toward it!

Muffin: I've always been in and out with spanking. Currently I'm "out." I suppose I'll return to it, but right now it's just not that important to me. I think hubby probably misses it more than I do. I enjoyed it when we were able to share it with friends, but now that we aren't, it just isn't exciting anymore.

LDD-4-Me: Since we practice Mutual DD that always seems to be evolving a bit, there have been times when we've put punishment spankings on hold while we regroup and reform our desires and boundaries.

I don't think spankings could ever be abandoned any more than we could choose to give up eating or breathing.

Mark: Since I am still reading your blog (as well as others), I guess I haven't completely given it up. But I am no longer practicing and don't feel the longing I used to.

My wife is not a spanko and really doesn't feel comfortable being in a dominant role. It has been a constant struggle for her to try to maintain it and we have had to start and stop so many times that it has just worn us both out. I really don't want to try to start again, because it just requires too much effort from both of us. And causes too much disappointment when it doesn't work out the way we intended.

That isn't really fair to her since she has to do most of the 'work' (it comes naturally to me). The burden of it not working out, and the attempt to restart, falls unfairly on her.

We are working on other ways to increase our intimacy that are mutually satisfying.

Poppy: I had a time where I couldn't and I told myself I would be happy and fulfilled and full of beans.

I slowly slid backwards and down and could not work out why I felt so awful all of the time. It was not the spanking, so much as the relationship in which the spanking takes place. I missed the loving accountability, the verification that I am seen and that I exist. I could write more but this question is making me sad and I want to be happy.

Prefectdt: I don't want to go over it all again because I have already discussed, both here and on A.S.S., the three year period when I gave up the lifestyle. In summary, after much digging, the psychologist who I was seeing found out that I am a spanko and traced all my coping problems to the point when I decided to give up getting my arse whooped. Then she recommended that I take it up again. So I did and managed to get off all of those prescription drugs that I had been taking.

It was the worst three years of my life. Never ever again.

Erudite Hayseed: For the better part of a decade, I'm afraid. Growing up in a small, Southern town, there wasn't a great deal to do. When I started having masturbatory fantasies during my adolescence, they almost always focused on spanking, with me being dominant over a woman and the idea of punishment.

Of course, a young man with nothing to do and a mean creative streak, I would draw these scenarios out. Pages upon pages of these fantasies littered a secret little sketchbook I kept in my bedroom. And, inevitably, my parents found it. I was made to have a conversation with them, where the phrase 'sadism is wrong' was thrown about at least a few times. They were thrown out and I stifled that part of me until my mid-twenties.

Though it's taken me two girlfriends and a fiancée, I was finally blessed to meet a woman who not only accepts my spanko/dominant desires, but actively enjoys the role of a submissive spankee. I've never been happier.

Bonnie: Spanking lies at the very heart of our sexual relationship. It's an important part of who we are and how we relate to one another. Our level of activity has varied over the years. But unless health issues force us to take a break, I seriously doubt we will.

Randy absolutely refused to spank when I was pregnant. I thought we could do it in such a way that the baby would be fine, but we never tested that theory. I recall carrying a small paddle in my purse to remind me that my sex life was not over.

After reading some of the other comments, I recalled that I too purged as a teenager. I recall collecting newspaper clippings and pictures cut from magazines. It was all incredibly tame by today's standards, but I didn't want anyone to learn about my unusual interest. I thought at the time that once I had a full time sexual relationship with a man that I would probably lose this desire to be spanked. I didn't foresee finding a mate who is every bit as enthusiastic as I am.

Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and insights. I hope you will join us again next week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #202

Cold turkey is a phrase that means to quit something abruptly. It's also the leftover food that many of us in the US are consuming this weekend. While we may find the latter on the table at this week's brunch, the former definition provides our topic.

Have you ever decided to give up spanking? If so, for what reasons? Did you expect to walk away forever or did you anticipate a temporary abstinence? Why did you return?

As always, *you* are welcome to join in our discussion. All that's necessary is to enter a comment below. When everyone has taken a turn, I will post an edited summary.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 22

Our topic was people and things for which we are thankful.

Poppy: Being loved in a new, enriching and utterly squirmy way by the man that I adore.

And Phish Food ice cream.

And bubble baths.

Season: What an amazing year! Things I am thankful for:

Finding the love of my life.

My first spanking (and every one since).

Making so many wonderful friends in the world of TTWD.

Okay, and bubble baths. When Poppy's right, she's right.

Hermione: I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who is enthusiastic about spanking, and who is willing to join me in exploring the endless possibilities. I am very thankful that we are both in good health and are able to enjoy the erotic activities that follow every spanking.

I am also thankful for this blogging community, for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts on spanking, and for the many dear friends I have made through blogging.

And shower gel.

And Italian wedding soup.

Curtis: I am constantly and eternally thankful that I was lucky enough to be born middle class in the United States of America. I am thankful that I have been allowed to live as long as I have and to be in good health and good spirits. I am thankful to be living in a beautiful place, both domicile and location. I am thankful for the freedom to say what I believe and to act on those beliefs.

I am thankful to have a wonderful son and many wonderful friends.

I am also thankful to be a spanko and in a community with everyone here and other places who share that special pleasure and the many, many with whom I've played. And while I am not as lucky as some to presently have a significant other in an LTR, there is always that hope.

I'm also grateful for this blog. It's one to which I repair quite often

Elle: I am so thankful for finding a man strong enough to take over and spank me, to help me understand this side of myself, and to put up with my growing obsession related to it! My life has changed SO much over the last year and I am thankful for all the new things I've discovered about myself and learning that so many people share my interests.

Happy Thanksgiving, my spanko friends!

R Humphries: I have a great deal to be thankful for, including family, friends, health and steady employment. In a spanking context, I am very blessed to be married to My Beloved Jojo and have the opportunity to indulge my lifelong love of spanking with a dedicated spankette. I’m sure that when we first met all those years ago in the original spanking chat-rooms, she might have initially thought that RH had a few bats loose in the belfry. But her love of theatre, glorious imagination and inimitable sense of humor allowed her to embrace the lifestyle. So every year I have good reason to be thankful to my beloved muse . I sincerely hope you are all as fortunate. Happy Holidays and Bottoms Up!

Missy: I'm thankful for the HUGE class action lawsuit that my tenant's association won decisively against our evil, inept landlord last month. You might say we spanked them. I am grateful that that my grandma is still with us at age 80, and no one in my family currently needs any of that health care everyone is talking about.

I'm sure we're all thankful for that new Jessica Alba movie coming out in January, with a much whispered about spanking scene. A solid mainstream cinema spanking only comes along about once a decade. Let's hope her character is not quite as 'troubled' as Lee in Secretary! And I'm thankful for that cool new ad where the dominatrix whips a pistachio nut on a chair.

Do the rest of you surreptitiously peep at that when it come on? LOL Bonnie, the image for next weekend's brunch could be a bowl of pistachios in honour of that advertising milesone! ;)

I have to admit that I haven't seen it yet, but I'll now be on the lookout!

Loki: I am thankful for having a happy home, a good job, a good friend and housemate, and a loving mother and sister. Most of all, I am grateful for my loving wife who has been there for me long before we were married (just this past August to be exact). She not only understands my love of this scene, but is an active player with ideas of her own for our future in it. Because of her, I do not regret making my move to this city where I live in now.

Diesel Diva: I have countless things to be thankful for. Among them are good health, my wonderful husband of 28 years, my geriatric dog herd is doing well, my 26 year old sofa spud son is finally employed, and a very satisfying job. On the spanko side of life, I'm glad for an adventurous husband and the wealth of information the internet provides.

Happy holiday to all.

Keagen: Here's my list.

• The ability to freely, willingly, and safely express my submission


• Chocolate and the adoration of such


• Friends who love me far more than I deserve


• A little more than two and half years in the adult spanking world that has shown me not only who I am, but who I have the potential to be

Prefectdt: There's loads of stuff. It's hard to think of them all.

1. My lurcher (dog) is going to be OK (I thought that he was dying)


2. I will be seeing my family this Christmas


3. I should be getting my new car in January (after nearly six years of living without one)


4. What Keagen said about chocolate


5. I live in a nice part of Flanders (yes the chocolate is good here :)


6. I enjoy getting my bum whooped so much


7. My devious plans for combining chocolate and spanking are coming along nicely (evil laugh)

I think I will stop there or this list could go on for a very long time :)

PJTstrapping: Of course we are thankful for discovering the world of spanking! Besides that, there is our loving relationship, family friends and sacrifices of all our brave troops throughout the world.

PJ and T are thankful to Bonnie for all the work of the blog each week. We had a bunch of questions (emotional, etc.) and this site has been the best at answering most of these questions. With that in mind, we have a question today as well. Do you think your bottom becomes desensitized to spankings after awhile? When PJ first started spanking me, my bottom often would be quite sore the next day. But recently, even when PJ really laid it on me, it doesn't seem as sore the next day. I also have noticed I am building a tolerance for the pain, which makes some sense, but does the rear do the same thing? Thanks for creating this site. Happy Thanksgiving!

Yes, I believe regularly spanked bottoms tend to toughen up over time.

Jane: I am thankful that I had the good fortune to stumble upon Bonnie's blog, and several others, which led me to gather up my courage and ask my wonderful boyfriend if he would spank me. He smiled sweetly and asked "hard?" It has been quite wonderful.

Bonnie: My cup runneth over. I am grateful for Randy, family, and friends. I am grateful we have jobs when many do not. I am grateful are healthy enough to enjoy in real life the fantasies that flow from our imaginations.

Finally, I am thankful for you, the readers of MBS. You've taught me a lot more than I've taught you. It's been four great years!

MBS Spanko Brunch #201

In honor of Thanksgiving week, this question seems timely.

What makes you feel thankful this year?

As always, everyone is welcome to participate. All you need to do is leave a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary.

Ask Bonnie

You asked for it!

Question: I was admiring the [implement] photo on this week's blog. Is it a small wood paddle, a large wooden spoon or the back of brush?

Response: That picture is the back of my husband's favorite spanking brush. It's the size one would associate with a hairbrush, but the bristles are soft like a bath or body brush. When applied vigorously, the smooth back makes one's bottom burn like fire. I wrote about this particular brush here. It is also featured in several of my spanking accounts.

Question: Is participation in the brunch's for anyone or is there some form of membership needed?

Response: Everyone with relevant opinion is welcome at brunch. You can even be anonymous if you insist.

Statement: Hi there i like your site hope to get to know you please keep in touch.

Response: There wasn't a question there, but I will answer the one this young fellow should have asked. If you want to get to know me and you want me to stay in touch, you should at least try to engage me in conversation. Tell me something about yourself. Tell me why you like my blog. Tell me you're tired of jerking off and want to meet a real woman. The point is that my time is limited and I'm not likely to respond to e-mails like this one. I know you guys can do a lot better.

Question: I seem to have been dropped from your blogroll. Is that because I haven’t been active in a couple of months? I'm posting again. Can I have my link back?

Response: Yes, we normally drop links from the blogroll after two months of inactivity. Blogs can get mighty stale after a while and I have no desire to waste readers' time. Yes, if you let me know, I will happily restore your link.

Question: I found your blog and I’m happy that I did your concept and words are helpful. I was a little scared at first in her constant wanting a spanking I enjoy but didn’t understand. After reading from your blog I feel such a energized feeling of power and love for her. I love her and want to have that special connection that I believe this will take us any words and suggestions would be appreciated.

Response: It sounds as though you and your partner are off to a fine start. I'm glad the blog has been beneficial. I have written several tutorials you may find helpful. You can find them via the drop down box on the right.

Question: We're in the UK and I was wondering if you knew of any online resources, books or sympathetic discussion groups on this side of the pond. My wife is very slowing starting to realise I'm not a weirdo and I'm trying to express my love for her through MUTUALLY enjoyed spanking by one to the other. Perhaps a sympathetic community of wives might help her understand better.

Response: I'm not very familiar with resources in the UK, but you might try either Bottom Lines or British Spanking. Both are popular communities and have discussion forums.

I believe that Spankolife is based in the UK, though their membership is worldwide.

If nothing else, these sites should provide more avenues to investigate.

Question: Where can a person go to find a lady who likes to be spanked? Any ideas? While I know more and more people are getting into spankings all the time, is there a place or a chat line for singles into or even beginners into spanking?

Response: There are many choices both on the internet and elsewhere. There are many local and regional groups where people who share this interest can meet and socialize. Even if you don't find the partner of your dreams, these good people will be able to tell you about other resources. You might also try lifestyle dating sites, regional spanking forums, or alternative newspaper advertisements. There are also sites like Spankolife, Fetlife, or Spank Finder. I hope this helps!

Question: I just started a new blog. Will you link it?

Response: Sure, as long as it's related to consensual adult spanking and it's not too commercial, graphic, or crude.

Statement: Hi, nice ass! Iam a Music Man,love tight Jeans,red Bottoms,Money$,automobiles,Art,Dogs,Life! writ if you can,would love to here from you!

Response: Erica's correspondents are apparently branching out. Maybe we should hold a brunch sometime where I enlist everyone's help with thinking up goofy responses to messages like these.

Question: Do you use a personal lubricant?

Response: Yes. Sometimes even Mother Nature can benefit from a little assistance.

Question: Will I ever find true love?

Response: The Magic Eight Ball says “Reply hazy, try again.”

Question: Any suggestions on how to encourage my spanker to spank harder? We are pretty new at this, maybe it will come with time? I want to be sure not to make him feel he's doing it wrong. Thanks for any ideas. Your web site has been SO helpful.

Response: One of my first tutorials dealt with just this topic. You might also want to suggest that he read some of the other tutorials if he is inclined to do so. In any case, you can build his confidence by praising his efforts and not being critical (except, of course, in the unlikely event that he's doing something truly dangerous). If you react positively, he will feel good about what you are doing together.

Question: I have a very good friend who was previously vanilla. After hearing some of my ideas and experiences as it relates to spanking, she is very eager to try spanking for herself. Do you have any ideas or tips that might help make her first adult spanking experience a great one?

Response: As a matter of fact, I do!

Question: Have you ever experienced, or considered, being the spanker as opposed to the spankee?

Response: The only time I ponder this question is when someone asks. No, I have no desire to switch. At least for me, it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying.

Question: My bf is very sweet and happy to indulge me as a spanko but I can tell he worries about hurting me. It's complicated by the fact that I have an exceptionally high pain tolerance so light swats don't even register. Any thoughts on how to encourage him?

Response: Beyond the tutorial referenced above, you might try placing a serious implement in his hand. He probably won't realize how much it hurts unless you tell him (verbally or non-verbally). Afterward, you will want to praise his efforts and demonstrate your gratitude. Given this sort of encouragement on a regular basis, I believe he will become the spanker you envision.

Question: In a relationship where both partners are switches how do you think would be best to have both partners in both roles within the same session without awkwardness?

Response: This is outside my experience, but I would imagine it depends upon the nature of the spankings. If it's fun and games, why not just go for it? However, if you are spanking for discipline, I believe it would be difficult to simply change places.

Question: How do you find time to do all the things you do on your website?

Response: Unfortunately, sometimes I don't get time. There are a lot of posts that don't get written. There are a lot of e-mails that don't get answered in a timely way. I do as much as I can in the time available.

I work to become more efficient in managing the blog. I've developed a number of shortcuts over the years. In the end, it's all about getting the priorities right. I also have good friends who help me. As I've mentioned before, about half of everything I do for the blog never shows up in print. I consider this part of the cost of participating in a vibrant community.

Question: Any ideas on how to stick a rocket up the ass of the passport office and/or get them to do their job properly and efficiently and stop assing around?

Response: No, but that might be fun to watch.

Question: Could you share with us your most embarASSing spanking moment?

Response: I'd rather not. It's too emBareAssing! 8D

Question: Is it possible for me to OVER communicate with her about TTWD?

Response: Yes, absolutely. More than one eager spanko has frightened (or frightened off) their vanilla partner by appearing inexplicably obsessed. It's important to remember that while you've been thinking about this topic for many years, it's all new to her. Even if she is inclined to play along, it will take some time to understand all of this new information. Please be patient and supportive.

Question: Any advice on preventing spanko blogger burnout? No easy task keeping a blog going and going!

Response: I wrote the following in 2006, but it's just as true today.

In just the few years that blogging has been around, thousands of brilliant bloggers have come and gone. Like meteors, they flash against the sky and then vanish. Our own community regularly mourns the exit of a favorite blogger. Sometimes they leave because of changing life situations, but just as often the cause is burn-out.

Burn-out is by no means limited to bloggers. Anyone who is engaged in tedious, difficult, or stressful situations can suffer from the exhaustion, lethargy, sleep problems, and disorientation that characterize this condition. The biggest danger for bloggers is becoming addicted to the thrills inherent in entertaining an audience. Like a siren's song, the positive vibes derived from blogging can drive people to sacrifice their quality of life and their relationships.

The key to avoiding burn-out is maintaining a proper perspective. Blogging should be scheduled around life, and never the reverse. I try to avoid hard and fast guidelines. While I want to post every day, missing a day simply can't be a catastrophe. Life is too short to allow my recreation to make me miserable.

In the end, there must be a time to walk away. Nothing lasts forever, and least of all blogs. I vow that if this blog ever becomes a heavy burden or comes between my husband and me, I will set it aside. Real life must come first.

Question: How do you find out the search terms people use to visit your blog?

Response: The way to get those dopey search terms and a whole lot of interesting stuff is to install a counter on your blog. It's fairly easy and doesn't have to cost anything. I use Google Analytics, but there are several others. These sites provide an amazing array of information about who reads your blog, how they got there, and what they did while visiting.

Statement: 46, M, and professor. IM me on my yahoo IM _____. Where are you from?

Response: What ever happened to “hello?”

Question: But do you have big tits too?

Response: Nope, sorry to disappoint.

Question: What is your favorite TV show?

Response: We don't watch that much television. One series I saw recently and enjoyed was The Tudors (on Showtime in the US). Once again, it's good to be the king.

Question: RU HOT?

Response: Do hot flashes count?

So much for another thought-provoking installment of Ask Bonnie. If you didn't see the question you wanted to ask, just send it in and I will do my best to answer it next time.

Liar Liar: The Truth

As I had feared, you know me far too well! The answer, as the majority of you are already aware, is number five. I do laugh during spankings, all the time in fact. Maybe I'm nervous, but more often something just strikes (!) me as funny. Randy's faux authoritarian voice gets me every time.

I have some unfinished spanking stories, but there are nowhere near one hundred. I have barely more than one hundred stories published here.

The single-tail passion was pure fabrication. There's no way!

I thought I might fool some longtime readers by referencing the notorious hook. Randy assures me that it's securely screwed into a beam and isn't going anywhere. This tale was inspired by a recent discussion of this very possibility. I told him that if the hook should let go in midst of play, I could get smacked in a place where smacking would be very unwelcome. But it never happened.

I will admit to having spent a lot of money on spanking toys over the years, but no single implement cost anywhere that much.

So there you have it. I'm a lousy liar. :D

Meme: Liar Liar

I was recently invited by Prefectdt to try a meme he created. The idea is that I present five statements where four of them are false. The challenge for readers is to identify the true statement.

I can do that, and it would be easy if I went off-topic. However, if I stick to my usual subject matter, there isn't much new I can share about my spanking experiences and tastes. After almost 1200 posts, I don't have too many spanko secrets left. Nevertheless, I'm willing to give it a go.

1. I have over 100 unfinished spanking stories in my archive


2. One of my secret passions is the single-tail


3. That notorious hook in our bedroom ceiling came down during play last month


4. I once spent almost $200 on a spanking implement


5. I often laugh while being spanked

Would you like to take a guess?

Which Statement Do You Think is True? Over 100 unfinished stories Single-tail is a secret passion Ceiling hook fell last month Almost $200 for an implement Laughing while spanked Current Results

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 15

Our topic this week dealt with the attraction of spanking as an interest and a pastime. As we might expect, the responses varied widely.

Missy: I think the appeal of spanking is paradoxical: it's corny and nostalgic, yet adventurous and visionary. It's romantic escapism that curiously utilizes ordinary objects like wooden spoons, belts, and woodsheds and somehow imbues them with magical properties. It's exaggerated and improbable, like an opera. It's simultaneously harsh and tender. And best of all, it celebrates imagination, emotion, and introspection, like nothing else I can think of.

littleone: How does one explain what drives one to crave, need, beg for a spanking? It seems to me that it is a bit like trying to explain why I have blue eyes. It is just who I am.

KayLynn: Spanking has unmatched submissive components that produce powerful and exciting fear that I crave on levels that scare me. Nothing else incorporates every aspect of my daily motivations and passions. I'll take the three S's (Spanking, Submission and Sex) over the three C's any day!

R Humphries: It is clear from the wide variety of comments over the years at MBS brunches that spanking tastes vary from titillating erotic foreplay, through domestic discipline, role-playing, exhibitionism and hardcore BDSM. I say each to their own.

My own tastes were undoubtedly established from being a product of the “Last British Cane Generation” and the rituals that surrounded corporal punishment. As a result, I discovered a fascination with writing spanking stories. My Beloved Jojo loves theatre, drama and spanking, so role-playing comes naturally to her. This allows us plenty of opportunity to constantly ponder and create new situations, which keeps that element of our relationship lively and fun.

Besides, I was born in London and have eaten more than enough crumpets, can play cribbage like a demon, and Jojo grows the best chrysanthemums in the universe. So what else is there to ponder but the Fine Art of Spanking?

Jean Marie: Maybe my interest arose because I was never spanked as a child and fantasized about it constantly from a very early age. Maybe it's because I developed an ample, round bottom at puberty, and it has drawn attention ever since. It got pinched nonstop in Paris when I visited there. I wish that I'd had the nerve to have it caned when I visited London. Maybe it's because I gave myself hard bared butt spankings as I masturbated, and found it to be so erogenous a zone.

For a while, I wondered and worried why I was hard-wired to want to be spanked. I talked about it in therapy. I don't know why. But I crave it as fiercely as ever. It fuels my strong sex drive. And it makes me feel complete to be spanked to tears frequently, and to be playfully spanked often. It's usually our form of foreplay. It can be orgasmic. It is who I am.

Curtis: Quite simply, spanking has been at the core of my sexuality since childhood. It is the substance of my masturbatory fantasies, the only fully satisfying form of erotic play, arousing in and of itself and doubly arousing as part of sexual play. I'm a switch. As a spanker, I love the feel of a woman over my lap, enjoying and being aroused, the sting on my hand, the softness of the bottom, the changes in color and temperature, and the warmth when one rubs. As a spankee, I like the feel of the softness of a woman's lap, the feel of her hand on my bottom, the arousing sting and, in both situations, sometimes more than that. For me, it's only play, fun, sensual and erotic and skin-on-skin OTK. But over a long lifetime, it's what has moved me.

Daisy: Crumpets? Delicious and comforting. Cribbage? Exciting, fun, and challenging. Chrysanthemums? Romantic and scary (I hate the earwigs that hide inside!).

Spanking? All of these, and more!

Muffin: I love crumpets! I love crysanthemums! I don't know cribbage, but I do know spanking It's just always been a part of who I am and what I do. I desire it in waves. Sometimes, I want it a LOT, other times I don't want it at all (but still get it). It can be sexual, disciplinary, relaxing, or just fun.

Jim: Crumpets? Gifts from Hestia's fields of waving gold.

Cribbage? Hermes wagers all his gold then steals some more.

Chrysanthemums? Asclepius finds the healing power, hidden in the golden flower.

Spanking? Aphrodite sprinkles powdered gold on a smarting, martial, redness.

Why us? Because we deserved it, for being as good as gold.

Hermione: Why do we meet here to talk about spanking? Because we can!

For many of us, this preference has been a secret we have carried inside for many years. Perhaps the people around us in whom we confided were less than sympathetic, or couldn't understand, or simply didn't want to know. It's wonderful to get the secret thoughts off our chests to like-minded, supportive individuals.

Whatever my interests, I like to discuss them with people who have similar tastes. I do also discuss "crumpets, cribbage and chrysanthemums." There are online forums for pretty much everything. There is a big difference between discussing chrysanthemums with my friends or the people at work and discussing spanking. With the former, my listeners would simply be bored. With the latter, they would be sharing a very intimate part of my life, and it would definitely be a case of too much information. I wouldn't be taking a risk talking about chrysanthemums: I would be, talking about spanking.

Reading and writing about spanking has become a safe haven for me. I have said things I would never have dared to say elsewhere. I have learned so much by reading about the personal experiences of a great many others, and am constantly amazed at how similar, yet how different, we all are.

Anon #1: Why not?

Six of the Best: For me, it's a beautiful and exciting sexual experience. I like to participate in giving spankings and talking with or hearing about others who are punished or sexually turned on by the subject matter.

Spank-A-Lot: I can't speak for everyone else, but this question is one that I have pondered long and hard for many years. I haven't found the answer yet, but I have accepted my spanking interest with open arms despite the lack of a definitive explanation. For you see, my fondness for spankings has been around as long as I can remember. I still vividly remember the times when my mother brought me to her friend's place. There was only one girl my age with whom I could play. Sadly, there were only dolls, but the spanking thoughts were already present then. I guess I may never arrive at the reason why I like spanking.

Ian: As I wrote in my story, Sub White Female Seeks...

"Why spanking?" he asked.

She paused. "Well, you know, because..."

Some things in life don't need to be explained or given a reason. It just is what it is. That's what makes it special.

Diesel Diva: Spanking has been an intricate part of my sexual identification since childhood. I don't know why. But I do know that I don't want to live without it!

Anon #2: I'm not sure if my explanation really qualifies as an answer, but why do people crave chocolates? Or a fine single malt scotch? Or a Cuban cigar? It's because it is part of us. It is what we crave and part of our make up.

Em: I think the basic answer, for me, is because it's part of who I am. I truly believe that my need (and I do mean need, not desire) for spanking is hard-wired into my genetic code.

That said, each of us takes those genetics and shapes how we integrate them into our lives as often as they shape how we integrate our lives with them.

So, why do I *enjoy* spanking? Well, that list could go on and on and on. For the emotional release, the physical sensation, the personal connections, the playfulness, the submissive headspace, the sensuality, and the adventure.

In short, this one activity can be literally anything you want it to be. How fun is that?

It seems as though a lot of your readers are fans of cribbage (not to mention crumpets). Why is my head now drifting to thoughts of kinky Cribbage games with points worth spanks. Perhaps we need to start a kinky cribbage league on Yahoo!

The Cribbage reference was, until now, a kind of inside joke for Randy and me. We have had a Cribbage board for decades, but I'm not sure we've ever played by the rules. Randy fancies the board as a handy wooden spanking implement. If he mentions Cribbage, that means I will soon have a sore bottom.

Our Bottoms Burn: I don't know why I am wired to think about spanking several times a day. My fascination with it started in the first grade and has been with me everyday of my adult life. I gave up pondering why some years back. I just accept it. It's a part of me. I feel that it's no different than anything else that humans are passionate about. Like a lot of things that are sexual, it's not a choice made by us.

Anon #3: Asking "Why spanking?" to me is akin to asking "Why do you kiss your lover?" It's because it's arousing, fun and something that I enjoy!

Now, asking why spanking is arousing, fun and enjoyable is a harder question for me (and these reasons are different for everyone here). It's some combination the submissive aspect, how it builds and cements trust and the fact that I derive pleasure from the sensation of having my butt smacked. Why is that pleasurable to me? It just is. Whether it's genes, early life experience or what, I have no explanation for why I enjoy it, but I know I do! On some level, that's really all that matters. Some things don't need to be analyzed.

Scunge: Sir R and I were talking about this just this past Saturday. I told him I am so much more happier now that I have spanking in my life. This past year has been one of wonderful and exciting discovery and I can't wait to see what the upcoming years have in store for us. My family even noticed that I am so much happier since Sir R and I have been together. Of course, they have NO IDEA about the spanking side, except for a couple of my sisters and my eldest niece. My brother commented to my parents last Christmas that I just was sparkling and that R is so good for me! They will NEVER know the whole story, but they do know I am happier than I have EVER been in my life. I attribute that to finally waking up and embracing my SPANKING side. :)

Prefectdt: I was born with it. I really don't think that spanking ever grabbed my interest. It was just part of me and always will be. I have said it before and I will say it again, IMHO, it is a genetic thing. For some reason, in human evolution, it became essential for the survival of the tribe to have spankos, and here we still are.

Bonnie: I wrote a post a few years ago that I think covers most of the usual reasons why people find spankings appealing. But there is another, more pragmatic explanation. For Randy and me, spankings work. They are the cornerstone of our intimacy, our reconnection, a source of endless enjoyment, and so much more. There is no substitute for success, nor any reason to seek one.

Thanks to everyone who contributed!

MBS Spanko Brunch #200

Yes, this is our two hundredth weekly brunch. I picked a topic that I think befits the occasion. It's an obvious question, but I don't believe we've ever directly discussed it.

Why spanking? We could easily spend our days pondering crumpets, cribbage, or chrysanthemums. But we don't. What is it about our favorite pastime that grabs and holds your interest?

I hope you'll join our celebration by sharing your thoughts. Even if you have little or no spanking experience, you have an interest (it's why you're here, right?), and that is our topic.

You can participate by entering a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to answer, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Embracing the Magic

MBS recorded its eight millionth page request today. That number boggles my mind.

Thank you, dear friends, for your continuing support! It's been amazing.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 8

Our topic this week was scolding. Here are your responses.

Todd and Suzy: A scolding is usually a pretty big part of a spanking for us. In a discipline spanking situation, it's probably at least as important as the actual spanking. It's what puts spanker and spankee on the same page and allows the reasons for the spanking to be fully understand.

In a playful situation, it adds to the fun. While a 'just because' spanking can work great, having a reason, even a silly one, seems to make it better. Playful scolding allows for the spanko phrases that so many of us enjoy to be used. "We need to have a little talk about your behavior." "You've been a naughty girl." "You know what happens when you're naughty," etc., etc. Even when doing something as silly as a Spankopoly spanking, there usually is some sort of scolding involved.

Scolding can serve a practical purpose, or a playful one that builds up the butterflies in the tummy anticipation for the spankee. It's not a must, but we do like to include scolding whenever we can.

Hermione: Scoldings aren't part of our spanking rituals, because for us, spankings are erotic foreplay. Ron considers spankings a reward for good behaviour, not bad. Those spanko phrases that Todd and Suzy mentioned would be music to my ears, and I would love to hear them immediately before or during a spanking.

I do get scolded quite frequently for various things I've done or left undone. If the offense isn't too serious and I can see that Ron is only mildly annoyed, I will tell him he's absolutely right, and suggest that I deserve a good spanking. That usually makes him laugh and explain why I don't deserve one. It defuses the situation, even though he won't take me up on my offer.

Jean Marie: I can often get a "read" on how hard the spanking to come will be by the energy expended on my scolding. If it's a finger-wagging tirade, I'm not going to be able to sit for a good while.

I love to be scolded!

Poppy: I hate to be scolded, but it happens if it is a spanking for something serious.

I hate to admit this, but it makes a massive difference to me and how I feel. It takes the experience to a deeper level. It tells me that he knows me and notices me. It tells me that what I do and I how do it matters to him.

I would rather be spanked for twice as long and not scolded. But if he did not scold me, I would not think he loves me as much as he does.

Sigh

Are all women this complicated?

Anon #1: Spanking for me is purely foreplay, but adding some pretend naughtiness is fun. Being scolded in fun for a made up or silly infraction is great fun! It's a way to get in all of those key phrases I love hearing even before a single spank. I love getting those butterflies in my tummy and knowing that I'm about to get pulled over his knee. Often he can tell that I'm not listening to him as he's scolding me because I'm too focused upon what's about to happen. So I get scolded more and spanked harder! It's a wonderful, circular cycle of which I'm quite fond, as is my boyfriend, fortunately!

Scunge: If it is a discipline spanking, I ALWAYS get asked "Why are you getting this spanking ____?" After I give the correct response, Sir starts the spanking but keeps scolding and reminding me why it would be prudent to stop doing what I did. I NEED the scolding part to get into the right head space,otherwise I don't seem to be able to take the spanking very well.

Our Bottoms Burn: I was going to write something like we don't scold because spankings are erotic foreplay for us. Then I read what Hermione wrote. She said, "Those spanko phrases that Todd and Suzy mentioned would be music to my ears, and I would love to hear them immediately before or during a spanking."

Hmmmm, I had never thought about such phrases as being scolding when used in play. So yes, I guess we do use scolding. All those "Young Lady you can just get yourself over my lap right now" et al., said in play do qualify.

Becall does wilt a bit when I have her well warmed up and tell her naughty she is and what I am about to do to her.

Daisychain: The scolding, as has already been said, gets my head into the right frame of mind. I love that he cares enough about me to want to correct my naughty ways! After all, I misbehave to a) get noticed, and b) to get a spanking!
Therefore, the scolding proves that he noticed my behaviour, and that he cares. The spanking shows that he wants to have a good, well-behaved wife, and is prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve that aim.

Now, I just need to work out how to adjust the severity of that aforementioned spanking. LOL

Ronnie: A scolding (lecture) does happen and plays a very important part before and during a discipline spanking. It sets the tone and puts the spankee (me) in the appropriate state of mind. Without it, I wouldn't be able to take discipline spankings and still feel loved, receptive to the (deserved) punishment and genuinely contrite afterward.

It's also great during a fun spanking, but different sets of words and phrases are used, "You know what naughty girls get," "Come here I need to have a word with you," and that kind of thing. It adds to the fun. It gets me going too. Phrases like that aren't for discipline.

Rob: I think a scolding/lecture is very important. It reinforces the reasons for the spanking and puts both of us in the proper frame of mind as Ronnie said earlier. My spouse will sometimes make me tell her why I'm about to be punished, and then delivers the lecture during the spanking. It really does drive home the message in a way that a spanking by itself would not.

Suzanne: My husband always lectures and scolds me before and during a punishment. If he just lectures, he's annoyed, but if he scolds, then I'm in big trouble. I don't particularly like either one of these things as they make me feel worse for disappointing him. I guess that's why they're effective though. They make me totally remorseful for what I've done, which really is the point of a punishment.

Betina: I think that scolding and lecturing is a very important part of a spanking, be it for fun or the serious kind. If it's for fun, it triggers things inside me and the tone is very light and fun. Also, I often tend to backtalk a bit and earn a bit more. If it's serious, my replies are mostly "yes" and "no" or no reply at all just listening and feeling as my bottom gets warmer and I feel sorry for what I've done.

Janet: Lectures are a big part of a spanking in my house. If it is a punishment spanking, they are a huge part of the punishment. I usually hear that he is disappointed in my actions and that hurts worse then any spanking I could receive. I hate to disappoint my HOH.

I just can't get my head in the right space if there is not a lecture along with a spanking. Even during a who's-who, there are always points to be brought up and it helps me to concentrate on why this is happening.

So I guess I need those verbal reminders as well as the painful reminder that he is in charge.

Caylee: Scolding definitely plays a large role in our spankings. As a couple who practices both domestic discipline (to a point) and erotic spankings, there needs to be a firm difference between the two. Otherwise, punishment spankings are nowhere near effective, and erotic spankings wouldn't be fun. Mostly, it isn't the word choice, but the overall tone that differentiates a scolding. "Now, are we going to have to do this again?" can be both stern and playful depending upon how it's said. The reaction can be "No, sir!" or a bratty "Probably!" It all depends on the mood and reason for the spanking.

What folks were saying about scolding getting you into the right frame of mind is absolutely true in our case. Without it, a lot of the meaning goes out of a spanking, whatever kind it might be.

Katia: Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. It just depends on the situation. I prefer the fun teasing ones before a GG. The term “young lady” gives me butterflies no matter who says it. :)

Prefectdt: For my own preferences, I like formalized, ceremonial type play. When the choice is mine, there is no scolding, just the execution-style play.

However, it takes two (or more) to play and if the Top involved likes to hand out a scolding, I am more than happy to play along. It is kind of fun to see how good a woman is at handing out a tongue-lashing, but she has to be aware that it will push my bratting button :)

Anon #2: L has the happy knack of being able to chasten me when I need it without resorting to reproach or blame. My most recent punishment spanking was for ordering something online and being careless about filling out the payment authorisation so we paid twice for the same item. Ironically, I had shopped around to get the best price!

He praised me first for that, saying he knew I was never wasteful or extravagant, but that I was often too abstracted and preoccupied, and that was how I made mistakes. He said this time it had only cost us $25.95, but next time the consequences could be more serious and long-lasting. I nodded dispiritedly, because now I knew what his preventative measure against 'next time' would be. He said the holidays were coming up, and I had to learn to be more attentive and accurate before then, and 'jump start your situational awareness.'

I quailed when he told me to get the paddle. I dislike the paddle, but I also understood and shared his disquiet. This was a remedy that worked for us, consoling and mitigating as no mere 'reprieve' ever could. I did as I was bidden, and without further preamble was drawn over his lap for twenty-five strokes, the amount of the over-payment. Well, at least he didn't 'round up' the 95¢! :)

Mija: There's sometimes a bit of scolding before spanking punishments, generally if Paul thinks I haven't quite gotten why what I did was wrong (or doesn't think I found it wrong enough). It's not usual though.

I have hearing problems, so there isn't much talking from him during spankings. Or maybe there is but I don't notice it.

Impish1: None at all, but as the punishment scene is erotic fodder for me, I wish it did sometimes...

Bonnie: In my definition, scolding is serious. While Randy often unleashes a flurry of words that might sound like scolding, he and I know that they are delivered for dramatic effect, as roleplay, or in jest.

Nevertheless, I appreciate those magic buzzwords. They feed my kinky desire.

Thank you all for participating. Please be sure to join us next week for a special brunch celebration!

MBS Spanko Brunch #199

It's time for brunch again and I thank you all for joining us. Our topic was suggested by an MBS reader.

What role, if any, does scolding play in your spanking experiences? How frequently is it used? What are the reasons? How does the spankee typically react?

To join our conversation, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has shared their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.

In with the New: Pass the Cranberry Sauce Edition

Get ready because another bumper crop of exciting young spanking-oriented blogs is headed your way!

I hope everyone will explore these thirteen new blogs and welcome the bloggers to our community. If you find something good while you're visiting, I encourage you to share your praise and support in the form of comments. I can guarantee your words will be appreciated.

Ageplay and Domestic Discipline All Southern Girl BabyMan and SugarAnne Becoming His Mandy Birchwood Academy Daddy's Girl Gentleman's Guide to DD Janet's Fiction Katia's Writings Miss Nicole's Randoms RandomMusings The Spanking Universe Whip's Blogspace

We extend the hand of friendship to each of you! I hope your blogging experiences will be rewarding and fun.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 1

Our topic this week was advice for a new mother who is seeking to re-kindle her spanking relationship with her husband. Here are your words of wisdom.

Todd and Suzy: We've had times when spankings were an everyday part of our lives, and other times when it's been several weeks. We do tend to talk about spanking quite a bit though, even during those dry spells. That seems to be the number one thing we do to keep the interest going. Beyond that, we do things like get new implements, watch videos, talk with like-minded friends, blog, read stories, and go to parties. Basically, we keep spanking at least in the background.

If you're thinking and talking about it as a couple, actual spankings will flow naturally. While doing things like planning out free time certainly helps, spanking doesn't seem like the sort of thing that can be forced. As for whether it will go away if you leave it alone, that depends upon the person. We've seen people walk away from spanking and seemingly not miss it. Others couldn't give it up, even when they very much wanted to.

Indy: Earlier this year, a rather horrific tragedy occurred in my family. That certainly curtailed my desire for quite a while. I continued to play a little with my regular partners, mostly just for the reassurance of human touch rather than because I really wanted to be spanked. I even attended a couple parties in that time, mainly to see friends who I knew were concerned about me.

In that time, I didn't try anything new or push limits very much. I just enjoyed the endorphin rush and the stress relief. A couple of months later, I found myself REALLY wanting a spanking in a way that I hadn't in a quite a while. So I think keeping my bottom in it with not particularly challenging spanking play, filled with chatting and laughter, helped a lot.

Anon #1: You re-kindle your activity in this form of intimacy just as you do in any other form of intimacy. What works for you there should be tried here. Sometimes, just going out for a night on the town, with no intimacy or its pressures, establishes a feeling of closeness between a couple. The next day, when you both are warm and fuzzy inside, it's OK to sit over coffee or tea and talk about what is and is not happening in your lives. Good luck. Keep the lines of communication open. Life throws you its barriers. It's up to you and your partner to climb over, dig under or run around them.

Caylee: I think there needs to be a sense of easing back into spanking for it to work again. If you just bend over your husband’s lap and he starts whacking away, the pressure of thinking “I used to like this! Why aren’t I liking this now?” will prevent you from fully enjoying the experience. Instead of being a stress reliever, it’s just piling on more. Somehow, it seems like you need to relax before you start spanking. Something like an intimate massage with a couple of smacks thrown in might help, or a warm bath together beforehand. Anon #1's idea about the night on the town was an awesome one – anything out of the ordinary and romantic would be wonderful.

Also, for what it’s worth, having a new baby in the house can’t exactly be helping the stress levels. Getting a close friend or family member to babysit might do wonders, even if it’s just for a couple of hours while you and your husband reconnect without interruptions. In any case, I think the fact that you wish spanking was present in your life means that the desire is just dormant, not gone forever. Good luck, and best of wishes to you, your husband, and the new baby!

Maryann: You recently had a baby. Do whatever you can to be kind to yourself and to your husband. You both need every kindness you can get. A new baby is a wonderful blessing, but also a tremendous undertaking.

When I was nursing a tiny baby, I barely wanted to be touched by anybody else. All of my touch needs were met by the baby. I pushed my husband away.

When I was ready, as it sounds like you are since you are asking the question, I made a choice to put the baby in the swing or the playpen more often. We got out of the house with her in her stroller or car seat a bit more. Basically I just made sure I wasn't saturated with touch when my husband came home. In short order, we were touching each other again.

You'll be fine. Just be kind to yourself.

Muffin: There are lots of good comments here. I'm with Maryann. When I had my babies, I discovered that I didn't want to be bothered, either. There was a sense of needing to find "places" for everybody in the household again. My (then) husband was jealous of the time I spent with the baby, and I was angry about that. So take your time, let everyone settle into their place in the home. As Anon #1 said, get alone together for some private time. Go with any intimate touch, and reassure your husband that you haven't gone off spanking permanently. It'll probably come back to you. I find that my own spanking desire comes in waves or cycles. When I was pregnant the first time was when I "came out" to my first husband (who was vanilla, and was horrified when I asked him to spank me." But after the baby came, I couldn't have been bothered! Life changes do affect your spanking desires. Best wishes and congrats on the new baby!

Prefectdt: I once tried to give up the lifestyle, for about three years. In doing this, I burnt a lot of bridges and upset some people by totally cutting off from them. This was a mistake. It would be only natural that you may need to get away from kinky friends and groups right now, but it it is probably better to do it with tact. This way, you know that they will be there later if you want them.

Anon #2: I have no advice other than the basic communicate well and often. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your family, though.

Dr. Ken: Interest in spanking can ebb and flow, depending upon what life throws at you. At some point, it usually does come back. You just have to ride it out and give it time.

You can't "force" it, though. Forcing it just might turn your play partner off and make playing with you the last thing they want to do. You both need to work your way through this new situation and get used to a new routine. Eventually, you can find your way back to some of your old beloved routines.

Brat: As one who has never had a baby, I would be the last one to be able to offer an empathetic response. However, you and I have one thing in common. We can both put our feelings into the written word (in my case, better than the spoken word!). I suggest that you write down your feelings/desires and leave the paper in a place where he will see it. Reading that will give him insight, and a man with insight is truly a beautiful creature!

Bonnie: I believe it's very likely you can achieve the change you seek, but it probably needs to be a gradual process. The improvement begins with a few small things. Consider a favorite meal, a gentle touch, an unexpected kiss, words of praise, or a good morning smile. The second step, as so many other have mentioned, is opening lines of communication. You need to talk regularly about adult subjects (yes, the baby IS cute, but there needs to be room for other conversations).

Hopefully, intimacy will naturally happen from there. If it doesn't, you might try scheduling an evening for romance. One of the great features of (most) newborns is that once they are warm, happy and full of milk, they tend to fall asleep and remain that way for a while. You'll learn soon enough that older kids aren't nearly so predictable.

I wish you both the very best and I hope you are able to live your dreams. A baby is a huge responsibility and a continuing distraction, but I can assure you that there are plenty of parents who manage to keep the home fires burning.

Thank you all for sharing your excellent advice!

MBS Spanko Brunch #198

Hi everybody and welcome back! It's time again for our weekly discussion.

Our topic was originally submitted by an MBS reader as an Ask Bonnie query. But I decided it was too good a question to keep for myself. Here we go...

"How do you get back into spanking after a big life change and a change in desire that goes along with it?

I recently had a baby and during my pregnancy I totally wanted to be spanked all of the time. Now I don't want to be spanked or do anything that goes along with it. My husband and I are bickering and that leads to a lack of sexual desire for me. The idea of asking for a spanking just seems weird when we're not getting along.

On the other hand, I believe that getting back into spanking would be good for our relationship. Spankings have a way of relieving my stress, and his too I believe. It also creates a more respectful and playful household which we are so lacking right now.

So, how do I force myself to get back into it when there isn't much desire at present? And if I leave it alone, will it just go away? Will spanking never be a part of our lives again? In other words, do I have to do something to rekindle, and if yes, have you any suggestions?"

There you have it, right from the source. How can we help our friend? What guidance would you offer?

Please leave your response in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to answer, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.