Sunday, November 29, 2009

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 29

Our topic this week was quitting spanking. Here are your responses.

Mija: My answer is a resounding YES, but almost all of those purges were before I found ASS/SSS. I can distinctly remember times when I'd look at my little cache of spanking erotica -- journals and notebooks I'd written, books (usually Blue Moon by the always popular "anon") and feel this sense of revulsion with myself. I'd scoop everything into a trash bag and carry it to a dumpster a few blocks away, binning everything. This would usually be followed by several months to years of trying to avoid thinking or writing about spanking.

I've only done something like this once since finding any spanking / online community. Ten years ago when I getting ready to visit the UK for the several months, all my stuff was going to be stored in my parents' garage. I had a fear of my younger brother going through the boxes and finding my spanking stuff and (even worse) anal toy (there was only one then). I threw everything away yet again, but for the last time. And yes, Paul did laugh at me.

Now my erotica is shelved with the rest of the books, as they should be.

Hermione: I have never thought that I would want to give up spanking. We did take a leave of absence for over two years after we adopted a dog who objected to the activity. I let my husband take the lead and didn't question his decision, because he's in charge of bedroom activities. But I was thoroughly delighted when he finally took steps to resume spanking me, and now we enjoy it more than ever.

Perhaps the hiatus allowed us to realize how important it was to our intimate relationship. I'm certain that if the possibility of another break arose, I would insist we discuss the matter and consider other alternatives.

Todd and Suzy: No, we've never decided to give up spanking. There was a long pause once because of health issues that forced us (basically) to give it up. I really can't imagine giving it up otherwise, because it's such an integral part of our play and sex.

Now, we HAVE talked about giving up the online and party spanking scene. That can get to be too drama filled at times. It's a bit like high school. When that's happened, we've managed to step away from the situation, but not the entire scene. If it ever got to be too much and the fun was lost, we'd step away.

I don't see us ever walking away from spanking in our private life though. We're just too "hardwired" to pick that option.

Curtis: I never decided to walk away from spanking, but I did have it taken away from me for a very long time. My ex-wife and I played spanking games during dating, while we lived together for five years and two years into the marriage. Then she announced that she didn't like it about at the time that our son was on his way to being born. So for a very long time I had only the fantasies and no reality to carry me through. This drought lasted until I couldn't stand it any more and broke out. If you're wired like me, you return because it's at the core of your sexuality and until that fire dies, you want to pursue it.

(I did once do what Mija did. I discarded my entire collection of spanking things because I didn't want my son to come upon them)

Jean Marie: I could no more walk away from spanking than I could walk away from my big, round buttocks. It's a part of me.

Scunge: I feel the same as Jean Marie. Right now we are having privacy issues and I am going NUTS, but I can NEVER see giving it up.

Dr. Ken: I have, like many others, thrown away my collection of spanking-related material (only to eventually go out and try to re-collect it all over again). But I never thought I was walking away from spanking, only from having the material around.

The truth is, most of my life has been spent without a spanking partner. So there's never really been anything to walk away from, and more of an overwhelming desire to be walking toward it!

Muffin: I've always been in and out with spanking. Currently I'm "out." I suppose I'll return to it, but right now it's just not that important to me. I think hubby probably misses it more than I do. I enjoyed it when we were able to share it with friends, but now that we aren't, it just isn't exciting anymore.

LDD-4-Me: Since we practice Mutual DD that always seems to be evolving a bit, there have been times when we've put punishment spankings on hold while we regroup and reform our desires and boundaries.

I don't think spankings could ever be abandoned any more than we could choose to give up eating or breathing.

Mark: Since I am still reading your blog (as well as others), I guess I haven't completely given it up. But I am no longer practicing and don't feel the longing I used to.

My wife is not a spanko and really doesn't feel comfortable being in a dominant role. It has been a constant struggle for her to try to maintain it and we have had to start and stop so many times that it has just worn us both out. I really don't want to try to start again, because it just requires too much effort from both of us. And causes too much disappointment when it doesn't work out the way we intended.

That isn't really fair to her since she has to do most of the 'work' (it comes naturally to me). The burden of it not working out, and the attempt to restart, falls unfairly on her.

We are working on other ways to increase our intimacy that are mutually satisfying.

Poppy: I had a time where I couldn't and I told myself I would be happy and fulfilled and full of beans.

I slowly slid backwards and down and could not work out why I felt so awful all of the time. It was not the spanking, so much as the relationship in which the spanking takes place. I missed the loving accountability, the verification that I am seen and that I exist. I could write more but this question is making me sad and I want to be happy.

Prefectdt: I don't want to go over it all again because I have already discussed, both here and on A.S.S., the three year period when I gave up the lifestyle. In summary, after much digging, the psychologist who I was seeing found out that I am a spanko and traced all my coping problems to the point when I decided to give up getting my arse whooped. Then she recommended that I take it up again. So I did and managed to get off all of those prescription drugs that I had been taking.

It was the worst three years of my life. Never ever again.

Erudite Hayseed: For the better part of a decade, I'm afraid. Growing up in a small, Southern town, there wasn't a great deal to do. When I started having masturbatory fantasies during my adolescence, they almost always focused on spanking, with me being dominant over a woman and the idea of punishment.

Of course, a young man with nothing to do and a mean creative streak, I would draw these scenarios out. Pages upon pages of these fantasies littered a secret little sketchbook I kept in my bedroom. And, inevitably, my parents found it. I was made to have a conversation with them, where the phrase 'sadism is wrong' was thrown about at least a few times. They were thrown out and I stifled that part of me until my mid-twenties.

Though it's taken me two girlfriends and a fiancée, I was finally blessed to meet a woman who not only accepts my spanko/dominant desires, but actively enjoys the role of a submissive spankee. I've never been happier.

Bonnie: Spanking lies at the very heart of our sexual relationship. It's an important part of who we are and how we relate to one another. Our level of activity has varied over the years. But unless health issues force us to take a break, I seriously doubt we will.

Randy absolutely refused to spank when I was pregnant. I thought we could do it in such a way that the baby would be fine, but we never tested that theory. I recall carrying a small paddle in my purse to remind me that my sex life was not over.

After reading some of the other comments, I recalled that I too purged as a teenager. I recall collecting newspaper clippings and pictures cut from magazines. It was all incredibly tame by today's standards, but I didn't want anyone to learn about my unusual interest. I thought at the time that once I had a full time sexual relationship with a man that I would probably lose this desire to be spanked. I didn't foresee finding a mate who is every bit as enthusiastic as I am.

Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences and insights. I hope you will join us again next week.


Love4her said...

To Mark,

I understand fully. My desire is to be spanked, dominated and basically made to "behave" both in a playful sence and at times with an actual ounishment. Playful has happened but my wonderful wife is neither dominate or a spanko.

I crave the intimacy that comes with sharing this side of myself and placing my self in her control and giving her my complete trust... she can not go there.

It is part of almost all my fantasies but not to be..... My fault... I faild to communicate my kinky side to her before marriage. Chalk it up to being too insecure then and too afraid that she would leave me. Possibly I could have found someone to enjoy my kinks and possibly they would have been totally wrong for me in other areas of life and marriage.

Two people can not be exactly alike and there will be differences both sexual and otherwise. Marriage is about working those out and growing together as best we can... but everything will not be resolved to complete satisfaction... not in this lifetime.

Anonymous said...

Sorry that I couldn't respond sooner.

It is tougher than quitting smoking. I stopped craving and dreaming about smoking years ago.

Can't say the same about being spanked.

Best to you all!

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