Ask Bonnie

You asked for it!

Question: I was admiring the [implement] photo on this week's blog. Is it a small wood paddle, a large wooden spoon or the back of brush?

Response: That picture is the back of my husband's favorite spanking brush. It's the size one would associate with a hairbrush, but the bristles are soft like a bath or body brush. When applied vigorously, the smooth back makes one's bottom burn like fire. I wrote about this particular brush here. It is also featured in several of my spanking accounts.

Question: Is participation in the brunch's for anyone or is there some form of membership needed?

Response: Everyone with relevant opinion is welcome at brunch. You can even be anonymous if you insist.

Statement: Hi there i like your site hope to get to know you please keep in touch.

Response: There wasn't a question there, but I will answer the one this young fellow should have asked. If you want to get to know me and you want me to stay in touch, you should at least try to engage me in conversation. Tell me something about yourself. Tell me why you like my blog. Tell me you're tired of jerking off and want to meet a real woman. The point is that my time is limited and I'm not likely to respond to e-mails like this one. I know you guys can do a lot better.

Question: I seem to have been dropped from your blogroll. Is that because I haven’t been active in a couple of months? I'm posting again. Can I have my link back?

Response: Yes, we normally drop links from the blogroll after two months of inactivity. Blogs can get mighty stale after a while and I have no desire to waste readers' time. Yes, if you let me know, I will happily restore your link.

Question: I found your blog and I’m happy that I did your concept and words are helpful. I was a little scared at first in her constant wanting a spanking I enjoy but didn’t understand. After reading from your blog I feel such a energized feeling of power and love for her. I love her and want to have that special connection that I believe this will take us any words and suggestions would be appreciated.

Response: It sounds as though you and your partner are off to a fine start. I'm glad the blog has been beneficial. I have written several tutorials you may find helpful. You can find them via the drop down box on the right.

Question: We're in the UK and I was wondering if you knew of any online resources, books or sympathetic discussion groups on this side of the pond. My wife is very slowing starting to realise I'm not a weirdo and I'm trying to express my love for her through MUTUALLY enjoyed spanking by one to the other. Perhaps a sympathetic community of wives might help her understand better.

Response: I'm not very familiar with resources in the UK, but you might try either Bottom Lines or British Spanking. Both are popular communities and have discussion forums.

I believe that Spankolife is based in the UK, though their membership is worldwide.

If nothing else, these sites should provide more avenues to investigate.

Question: Where can a person go to find a lady who likes to be spanked? Any ideas? While I know more and more people are getting into spankings all the time, is there a place or a chat line for singles into or even beginners into spanking?

Response: There are many choices both on the internet and elsewhere. There are many local and regional groups where people who share this interest can meet and socialize. Even if you don't find the partner of your dreams, these good people will be able to tell you about other resources. You might also try lifestyle dating sites, regional spanking forums, or alternative newspaper advertisements. There are also sites like Spankolife, Fetlife, or Spank Finder. I hope this helps!

Question: I just started a new blog. Will you link it?

Response: Sure, as long as it's related to consensual adult spanking and it's not too commercial, graphic, or crude.

Statement: Hi, nice ass! Iam a Music Man,love tight Jeans,red Bottoms,Money$,automobiles,Art,Dogs,Life! writ if you can,would love to here from you!

Response: Erica's correspondents are apparently branching out. Maybe we should hold a brunch sometime where I enlist everyone's help with thinking up goofy responses to messages like these.

Question: Do you use a personal lubricant?

Response: Yes. Sometimes even Mother Nature can benefit from a little assistance.

Question: Will I ever find true love?

Response: The Magic Eight Ball says “Reply hazy, try again.”

Question: Any suggestions on how to encourage my spanker to spank harder? We are pretty new at this, maybe it will come with time? I want to be sure not to make him feel he's doing it wrong. Thanks for any ideas. Your web site has been SO helpful.

Response: One of my first tutorials dealt with just this topic. You might also want to suggest that he read some of the other tutorials if he is inclined to do so. In any case, you can build his confidence by praising his efforts and not being critical (except, of course, in the unlikely event that he's doing something truly dangerous). If you react positively, he will feel good about what you are doing together.

Question: I have a very good friend who was previously vanilla. After hearing some of my ideas and experiences as it relates to spanking, she is very eager to try spanking for herself. Do you have any ideas or tips that might help make her first adult spanking experience a great one?

Response: As a matter of fact, I do!

Question: Have you ever experienced, or considered, being the spanker as opposed to the spankee?

Response: The only time I ponder this question is when someone asks. No, I have no desire to switch. At least for me, it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying.

Question: My bf is very sweet and happy to indulge me as a spanko but I can tell he worries about hurting me. It's complicated by the fact that I have an exceptionally high pain tolerance so light swats don't even register. Any thoughts on how to encourage him?

Response: Beyond the tutorial referenced above, you might try placing a serious implement in his hand. He probably won't realize how much it hurts unless you tell him (verbally or non-verbally). Afterward, you will want to praise his efforts and demonstrate your gratitude. Given this sort of encouragement on a regular basis, I believe he will become the spanker you envision.

Question: In a relationship where both partners are switches how do you think would be best to have both partners in both roles within the same session without awkwardness?

Response: This is outside my experience, but I would imagine it depends upon the nature of the spankings. If it's fun and games, why not just go for it? However, if you are spanking for discipline, I believe it would be difficult to simply change places.

Question: How do you find time to do all the things you do on your website?

Response: Unfortunately, sometimes I don't get time. There are a lot of posts that don't get written. There are a lot of e-mails that don't get answered in a timely way. I do as much as I can in the time available.

I work to become more efficient in managing the blog. I've developed a number of shortcuts over the years. In the end, it's all about getting the priorities right. I also have good friends who help me. As I've mentioned before, about half of everything I do for the blog never shows up in print. I consider this part of the cost of participating in a vibrant community.

Question: Any ideas on how to stick a rocket up the ass of the passport office and/or get them to do their job properly and efficiently and stop assing around?

Response: No, but that might be fun to watch.

Question: Could you share with us your most embarASSing spanking moment?

Response: I'd rather not. It's too emBareAssing! 8D

Question: Is it possible for me to OVER communicate with her about TTWD?

Response: Yes, absolutely. More than one eager spanko has frightened (or frightened off) their vanilla partner by appearing inexplicably obsessed. It's important to remember that while you've been thinking about this topic for many years, it's all new to her. Even if she is inclined to play along, it will take some time to understand all of this new information. Please be patient and supportive.

Question: Any advice on preventing spanko blogger burnout? No easy task keeping a blog going and going!

Response: I wrote the following in 2006, but it's just as true today.

In just the few years that blogging has been around, thousands of brilliant bloggers have come and gone. Like meteors, they flash against the sky and then vanish. Our own community regularly mourns the exit of a favorite blogger. Sometimes they leave because of changing life situations, but just as often the cause is burn-out.

Burn-out is by no means limited to bloggers. Anyone who is engaged in tedious, difficult, or stressful situations can suffer from the exhaustion, lethargy, sleep problems, and disorientation that characterize this condition. The biggest danger for bloggers is becoming addicted to the thrills inherent in entertaining an audience. Like a siren's song, the positive vibes derived from blogging can drive people to sacrifice their quality of life and their relationships.

The key to avoiding burn-out is maintaining a proper perspective. Blogging should be scheduled around life, and never the reverse. I try to avoid hard and fast guidelines. While I want to post every day, missing a day simply can't be a catastrophe. Life is too short to allow my recreation to make me miserable.

In the end, there must be a time to walk away. Nothing lasts forever, and least of all blogs. I vow that if this blog ever becomes a heavy burden or comes between my husband and me, I will set it aside. Real life must come first.

Question: How do you find out the search terms people use to visit your blog?

Response: The way to get those dopey search terms and a whole lot of interesting stuff is to install a counter on your blog. It's fairly easy and doesn't have to cost anything. I use Google Analytics, but there are several others. These sites provide an amazing array of information about who reads your blog, how they got there, and what they did while visiting.

Statement: 46, M, and professor. IM me on my yahoo IM _____. Where are you from?

Response: What ever happened to “hello?”

Question: But do you have big tits too?

Response: Nope, sorry to disappoint.

Question: What is your favorite TV show?

Response: We don't watch that much television. One series I saw recently and enjoyed was The Tudors (on Showtime in the US). Once again, it's good to be the king.

Question: RU HOT?

Response: Do hot flashes count?

So much for another thought-provoking installment of Ask Bonnie. If you didn't see the question you wanted to ask, just send it in and I will do my best to answer it next time.