The Cost of a Good Time*

*That little twinge every time you sit? Priceless!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 27

Thanks to everyone who added their wisdom and experience to our discussion today. The question dealt with the best time to raise the subject of spanking in a new dating relationship.

Thomas: I have never actually been on a vanilla date, so I have no real idea on how I'd approach the subject. Truthfully, ever since I found the spanking scene, I've exclusively sought out spanking partners. Before that happened five years ago, I never dated, or had any real relationship. The only contact of a sexual nature that I had was with strippers and other ladies of the night.

Natty: I'm like you, Thomas. I never really dated outside of the spanking community and can't imagine I would, knowing what I know about myself now.

Lucy: This is a topic that I will have to deal with sooner or later. Although I live near a big city, I'm not "out" enough to venture into a bar or play party that caters to those in the scene. Even if I somehow had the guts, I'm just not sure I'd be comfortable already knowing such an intimate secret about someone before the first date. With Jekyll, I brought up the subject several times in subtle ways (Did you see that guy slap his girlfriend's butt in the hall during lunch? etc.). I finally asked him to spank me about five months into our relationship and it worked out fine. I guess I just got lucky the first time. I imagine that I'll go on vanilla dates and just try to get a sense of the guy's position on kink as an intellectual issue first. Spanking is a topic that pops up in current events, movies, TV, etc. I would never tell him I'm into spanking on the first date. It's an issue that I plan to tiptoe around until I know whether or not to pursue it.

Having said that, I can't see dating guy who is totally vanilla. Who knows? I may get fed up with trying to find a kinky guy in a vanilla world and show up at "kinky singles night."

Curtis: Like many, both because spanking is at the core of my sexuality and because I had a long marriage to a person who engaged in spanking during courtship and became vanilla after marriage and child, I know I would never again have any LTR with a non-spanko. But I also know that you can be straight with a person you're dating who hasn't tried spanking. I have brought up the subject directly with at least a couple of dates. I told them that I had this fetish, but if their bottom was an erogenous zone, they likely could find pleasure in it also. I have an SO now, but put forward the right way, it didn't turn anyone off. On a few occasions, it led to converts and a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Maybe some would be horrified, but it hasn't worked out that way for me when I told them I was into arousing rather than hurting.

Prefectdt: I would no longer consider dating a vanilla. In the past, I waited until several weeks after getting to know a woman and never once managed to get one vanilla to take my interest seriously. So, from now on (well quite some time ago on), the answer to this brunch question is "Never."

This Girl: It has been a long time since I have been with anyone “vanilla.” I met my last two partners online and knew that they were into this. Our relationships developed slowly. Before them, my ex was vanilla. We were together over a year before I tried to introduce it and he was mortified. Maybe it was the way I went about it (which wasn't subtle), but then I think that it just wasn't him. After all, it’s not everyone. So, from that I decided I wanted to find someone who I knew would want what I did. It’s not always easy trying to find a partner in kink, especially given so many wanabees and fuckwits out there. But it’s better than being with someone who is alarmed by you! LOL

Elle: It really depends on the situation. However, I find that I am drawn to dominant men naturally. I've dated a string of men who turned out to be as kinky as me (or in some cases, kinkier). Really, body language during sex and lots of communication should give you a good idea of whether or not this man is interested in spanking you. Then you can tell him as soon as you feel comfortable enough together. There's no time limit, but I wouldn't personally want to be in a relationship with someone if I didn't feel that comfortable with them.

Paul: If I remember correctly, Mel was doing a little bratting a month or so into our dating. I turned to her and said, "I spank naughty girls.” She replied, "I should hope so." We never really looked back.

She only got spanked over cloths until we married.

How is your freaking earlobe, Bonnie? Chuckles!

It’s nice and toasty, thank you (and not because someone is talking about me).

Hermione: As the article said, there would have to be some chemistry between the two of you before the subject of spanking, or any other type of intimacy, needs to come up. If the date is someone you know reasonably well and the relationship is progressing to the next level, then it would be wise to reveal your preference before things go too far. Hopefully some opportunity would present itself for you to bring up your interest in the subject – a cartoon, a scene in a movie, an article in the paper – so that you can judge the other person's reaction.

There is always the danger that the other person, if uninterested or turned off by your admission, might betray your trust and expose your secret to others. So you would need to have a certain level of trust established, yet not be so deeply involved that you couldn't back away from the relationship if spanking just isn't going to happen.

Add to all of this the difficulty that many of us have in talking about spanking. All I can say is, I'm glad I don't actually have to deal with a situation like this.

Radagast: I've made disastrous comments on first dates including mentioning my kink. I've gotten reactions from an uncomfortable "Uh... OK" to the dubious pleasure of having someone laugh in my face and then mock me.

I'd say that unless you're not having a vanilla date (when it's probably expected that you'll get around to talking about spanking), it's probably best to not blurt that out between the appetizer and main course.

Mat: Wow, the timing for this topic applies to me right now. My wife (vanilla) passed away just two months ago. We were together for 27 years and two wonderful kids.

I was a spanko when we were dating and she knew of my spanking desires. In the early stages of our marriage, she reluctantly and I might add half-heartedly obliged my wishes by giving me a light hand spanking as a prelude to sex. As soon as my bottom started getting a little bit of redness, she would stop for fear of actually hurting me. Needless to say, I needed much more to satisfy my spanko appetite. After a couple of years, the spanking stopped completely and our sex life suffered drastically. My wife finally admitted to me after we were married that she had suffered abusive beatings as a child and the spanking thing brought back too many bad memories.

Well, that was 27 years ago and pre-internet. At the time, I actually believed that I was one of the only people on earth that was goofy enough to want a spanking. I never believed there were countless others that were suffering the same fate as mine. I would actually feel guilty and somewhat ashamed of myself when asking my wife to spank me.

Getting back to the discussion at hand, when I do start looking for a new partner, I will most definitely choose from a source that I know is spanking friendly.

Tina: I had many vanilla partners and never managed to tell them about my strong spanking (or actually BDSM) desires. I sometimes tried, reluctantly and very carefully, but I never got any positive reaction. Some were shocked and some kind of outed themselves as rather having their own submissive or masochist feelings (I take that for more than a coincidence). So, I had no success at all. Finally, I started using the internet, and everything became very easy.

Papa Woodie: The process of dating is a gradual discovery of another person – one who is, perhaps unknowingly, under constant evaluation and consideration. Theoretically, you are seeking a long term partner, and the dating activities (among other things) are a practical means of growth and self-improvement, of selection and elimination.

Could you live with a carnivore, a vegan, or a raw food only diet? A Democrat? A shop-a-holic or a work-a-holic or an alcoholic? Are they into movies, reading, extreme sports (like sky-diving or bungee jumping), antiques or anything else you might happily share? Slob or neat-nik? Romantic or pragmatic? Is the kissing wonderful or sloppy or is it overlooked? Kids? Career ambitions? Life goals? What's the dynamic of their family?

The list of desirable qualities goes on and on. In the process shouldn't you 'discover' their perspectives on spanking? Do they exhibit any tendencies or interests in this area?

So, to address when would you recommend telling a potential partner about one's spanking interest, I would advise that there is no prescribed time or moment or sequence. Acknowledge to yourself that it needs to be addressed for your own happiness and satisfaction. And keep your eyes open for every opportunity to reveal a little more of yourself and learn more about your date. Eventually, you should absorb sufficient awareness of their personality to know whether this is a potentially successful long-term relationship, and whether the future includes all the spanking you could ever hope for.

As to how would you raise the issue, like other matters of particular concern, it seems that a teasing comment or a veiled probing question are the best approaches to such intricate and delicate points of our nature. A joke, a discussion of a book, news article, blog post, or a movie (Secretary, perhaps), a flirtatious series of seemingly off-handed yet suggestive comments would instantly reveal our 'secret' natures with other self-confessed spankos. And they are innocuous tools we can apply to learn about another person without being overly blunt or intrusive. We can remain protected and we draw ever closer to the heart of the topic, to the point whereby an open on-going dialog can ensue.

Like all of us, I see a great many qualities in others throughout each day that I would find personally undesirable in an intimate partner. I wouldn't want to waste any more of my life pursuing happiness with the wrong person, hoping for contentment and ending up with misery. A desire for or at least an open interest in DD, Ds, or spanking for fun and adventure is most definitely on my list.

In the immortal words of Popeye the Sailor Man, “I yam who I yam!”

Anon #1: I wouldn't tell someone until I decided I wanted a relationship with him. After all, if he is a total bore on the first date, there won't be a second one.

Once the interest is there, I think it's better to let that person know upfront. Because if it is a total turn off for them, it's better to find out now. Don't waste your time on someone who is not going to make you happy.

Fanny: Forget the spanking and the date. Just send the recipe for your delicious pastry!

On a less serious note, I tried telling someone once when we woke up that I'd had a dream about getting spanked the night before. He said, "You mean like this?" and proceeded to give me a little soft love pat on the bum. That was NOT what I meant at all. I never approached anyone with that again until I met a man online and said I was a spanko right up front. He said it was fine, and we've been together now for 3 1/2 years! The spanking just gets better and we dream up new scenes to play. We are into DD and that satisfies us both. I spent too many years in two marriages that were totally vanilla and many relationships where I would have never dreamed of bringing it up. So I guess "patience" became a virtue for me, but it was pure hell. I'm a happy girl now, and my bum is very, very happy!

Mija: Like so many others have said, were I to be dating again, I can't imagine bothering to date vanilla. Sure, it can just happen and work out (my parents are an example of that), but I don't think I'd want to go that route.

What I'd do is post a personal somewhere like Shadow Lane (party soon – Vegas baby!) and then search and hope I'd find the right someone. But this is the most important element of my sexuality. For me, it's not just a little kink.

I did listen to a great comment by Dan Savage once who said one should reveal an interest in BDSM as though pointing out a really great sexual asset (as I recall he compared it to telling someone you like giving head) about one's self, not whisper it shamefully like it's a sexually transmitted disease. He suggested something along the lines of "Guess what else about me? I'm really into being spanked if the chemistry is right."

I thought he made a good point.

Anon #2: In my experience, as soon as the two of you are in bed and at least mostly naked, you should let him or her know. If spankings are part of what you like about sex, then you should let your partner know as soon as things get sexual. Honestly, if you know enough about someone to share their bed, you should be comfortable hearing about their kinks. Not to mention, the bed is where this subject is most relevant.

In short, tell your new partner about your interest during your first sexual session. This approach has never gone wrong for me.

I appreciate everyone who took time to share their views. I hope you'll stop by for brunch again next week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #132

In this CNN article, the writer discusses the right time to share dark secrets with a date. A syndicated sex columnist is quoted as saying the following:

"If somebody sits down on the first date and says, 'I'm into spanking,' even if you are into spanking, [too], you might react negatively to that."

That may or may not be true, but the question remains...

In a dating situation, when would you recommend telling a potential partner about one's spanking interest? How would you raise the issue?

If you would like to participate in our brunch discussion, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has had their chance to talk, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

Ask Bonnie

We haven’t done Ask Bonnie in ages. Until now, that is…

Question: I am still fairly new to spanking. I recently met someone and now I'm being spanked on a fairly consistent basis. I have experienced the hand, of course, as well as wooden and plastic brushes. I have a fairly high pain tolerance and enjoy being spanked pretty hard. I do bruise easy but that does not bother me. Have you any suggestions regarding other sorts of implements to try and a good place to purchase them?

Response: We’ve had a few brunches that touched on this subject (implements, homemade implements, and wood or leather). There are some great ideas there.

In general, my suggestion would be to try several different types of implements and discover what works best for you and your partner. This is one time when getting there is more than half the fun!

Statement: I have NEVER seen sucjh a SPANKABLE Bottom!!!! It gives me shivers to think of having across my kne smacking it. Congratulations

Response: Congratulations? Are you telling me that I won the genetic lottery and my prize was a protruding posterior? Well, thank you, oh knight who says “Kne!”

Question: Whenever my husband and I have alone time, I get a spanking. My problem lies with the simple fact that he is very aggressive and thinks that hard, fast, and quick is better than taking his time and doing it right. Help!

Response: My husband, Randy, sometimes employs the same sneak attack technique. I've managed over time, though, to convince him to back off considerably. I make sure he knows how sexy I find the slow, sensuous spankings and reward him afterward for doing such a splendid job of turning me on.

Here's an article I wrote a while back about the one hour spanking. It contains some fun suggestions that might apply to your situation.

The key, I think, is slowing down a bit and truly enjoying your time together.

Question: I have been with my present partner for about eight months and we are very much in love. Recently, during a love making session, I was on top and his hands were all over my bottom. I told him he could spank me. He did, but I could feel his hesitancy. He spanked twice and we continued to one of our better love making sessions. I told him afterward that he is a great man and a great provider of my wants and needs, and that I enjoyed the love taps. OK, what should be my next move?

Response: Here are some articles that may be helpful for both of you.

Your First Spanking
Talking with your Partner
Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend

Your partner demonstrates a willingness to please you and that is excellent. If you can convince him that you truly want his attention in this way (and then show him your gratitude), I think he may get the message.

Question: I was wondering how I can help my boyfriend to become comfortable with spanking me. He does it, but sometimes he feels bad even when I say that it is OK and that I like it.

Response: I think the three articles I suggested for the previous question might be beneficial here as well. I think it’s important to be patient and allow him to accept your spanking interest on his own terms. With time, love, and a little creative encouragement, there’s a good chance that he’ll come around.

Question: Do you ever feel like a celebrity?

Response: No. I thrive on anonymity.

Question: Have you ever cried during a spanking? If so, does this tell Randy he is getting through to you, or would it tell him he was being too harsh? Would he stop if you started to cry, or would this urge him on? Other than his own decision that the spanking has run its course, is there anything, body language, noise, etc that would cause him to cut short a spanking other than the use of the safe word?

Response: That sounds like one of my brunch questions!

Have I ever cried during a spanking? Yes, but it's surprisingly rare. Most times, I don't cry. I can't give you a good reason why not, but I don't. The funny thing is that when the dog dies in a kids' movie, I'm a blubbering mess. But spankings don't generally cause that response. Perhaps I get caught up in the moment and the sensation and how it excites me and it doesn't occur to me to cry.

When I do cry, it's usually when something unrelated has been bothering me and all the bad stuff gets released. It's very infrequent and a surprise to both of us. Randy usually asks if I'm OK and then finishes the spanking. He knows that crying doesn't mean that I need him to stop right away. I have a safeword for that.

There are, I suppose, a number of reasons why Randy might cut short a spanking session. However, since he is the one who decides when it's over in any case, the concept of cutting it short is perhaps a little misleading. He says he goes by the condition of my bottom, my breathing, and the tenseness/relaxation of my muscles. He also has an idea going in how long and severe a spanking will be. Once he has reached that point, he finishes.

Question: i like spankings is that nomal

Response: Normal? Normality, like beauty, lies in the eye of the beholder.

I think as long as both parties are consenting adults and no one is injured, spanking can be great, sexy fun. It's not for everyone, but neither are mountain climbing, skydiving, or auto racing.

Comment: I got spanked because of you!

Response: Well, I’ve been spanked a time or two because of me as well, so I think we’re even!

Question: When first time spanking session, should I use a safe word? Especially, if I want to role play like a bad boy? I would like to have a punishment spanking. Wouldn't it be best for the lady to spank me just has hard as if I were a bad boy, and use no safe word. Or do you think, I should still use a safe word?

Response: Yes, I think everyone should have a safeword. Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to use it.

Some couples allow the use of a safeword, but agree that if it is invoked, the entire spanking is replayed from the beginning at a later time. This tends to discourage frivolous application.

Comment: I am in total love with your butt. Don't be shy, I want to see the rest of you. I bet you have a beautiful smile.

Response: I suppose you can be in total love with my butt if you must. But please be aware, if you have any interest in conversation, the talking comes out of the opposite end.

As for my face, I promised Randy a long time ago that some things would have to remain concealed.

Question: Did you know that the dreaded Vermont Country Store bath brush is discontinued?

Response: I do now. I think anyone who has ever been tenderized by this beast would have to consider this news to be a mixed blessing. It was a scorcher of legendary stature. I’m squirming in my seat just thinking about it. We have two of them and both are in good working order. The memory isn’t likely fade around here anytime soon.

Question: What is a MOAP?

Response: The MOAP is the Mother of All Paddles. It's a large, long, thick, hard, heavy, evil wooden plank that would be much better suited to propelling a canoe.

Question: Did you know that I can see your pantie lines in some of your pictures?

Response: OK, I guess my secret is out. I wear underwear.

Question: My boyfriend and I are kind of new to spanking (we’ve only been doing it off and on for three months), and I'm a bit shy about asking him. Whenever I do ask, though, and we actually begin, it’s awkward and not much gets done. When I talk to him about it, he say's he is a bit uncomfortable and gets something almost like stage fright, and doesn't know what to do.

I figure the way to get past it is talk and just continue spanking every once in a while until we get used to it, but it isn't really working. Do you have any ideas how I can get past my shyness and how he can get past his 'stage fright?'

Response: Your idea about talking is right on target. It’s important to explain what you want and why you feel as you do. I would present this activity as a natural extension of lovemaking. Tell him that this is another way that he can please you (and of course, you will want to please him as well…). I think it will help to discuss it in a familiar, positive environment (in bed) and to do so in a playful way such that he doesn’t feel pressure to perform. See if you can make it fun. Laughing and joking are absolutely permitted. That should eliminate most of the stress.

Question: Do you think my bottom is worthy of a spanking?

Response: I guess so. How worthy does a bottom have to be?

Question: I am just now understanding that I really need to be spanked and often. My husband just doesn't get it at all. I have shared tidbits with him from your site and tried to help him understand my need. We do use a small paddle (a dime store paddle ball toy) sometimes as foreplay and it does make the sex better for us both.

I really don't want to look outside my marriage for spankings and my husband doesn't want me to either. I have considered a female domme for punishment role play, but I am having trouble finding one in ___. I checked sites for professional spankers and found a lady nearby but she isn't taking any new clients. Soooo, delayed gratification it is for now. Have you any suggestions?

Response: As you say, you have three choices. You can enlist your husband if you can interest him in the proceedings. You can find someone else to do the spanking. Last and least, you can choose to do without. Naturally, the first would be preferable if he were agreeable, but it sounds as though your options there may be limited.

I don’t personally know any dommes in your area, but fortunately, you do. I imagine the woman with whom you spoke might be able to suggest someone else who could help you. If not, you may want to investigate spanking-oriented groups in your area. Even if parties are not your thing, this can be a source of further contacts. I wish you the very best in your quest!

Question: How long have you been into spanking stuff?

Response: I don't spank stuff. Stuff spanks me.

My interest in spanking goes back about as far as my recollection of anything. I remember pretending that some of my dolls got into trouble and had to be spanked. As far as an actual participant in recreational spanking, I first played with a boyfriend in high school (let’s not count the years, shall we?).

Question: is that your backside?

Response: No, it’s my freaking earlobe!

Question: i read a post a while back saying that u had spanking post to do like for ur spanking section i think u said one of them was halloween or christmas but i dont remember plus u said u had like 2 or 3 other ones but at the time u either wasnt feeling up to it or u was just busy on other things or tierd well i was wondering if u was still going to do those posts?

Response: If I am going to record an account of a spanking, it works best when it’s still fresh in my, um, mind. With the passage of time, I tend to forget valuable details. So if I don’t type it up fairly quickly, it generally doesn’t happen.

Question: Have you been getting that sweet bottom spanked lately?

Response: My tart bottom got it good on Friday evening. I'll try to remember to wear the sweet one next time.

There's actually more, but I think that’s enough for now.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 20

Our topic was changes in tolerance and sensitivity over time. Here are your thoughts.

Maryann: We are new to spanking, but Max and I have noticed huge variations in sensitivity/tolerance levels. Sometimes, I tease him the whole time. "Is that a mosquito back there?" Other times, I squeal, kick, and beg him to ease up after just a few swats. Since we are new and there is so much variation in what I can take, we decided to adopt "uncle" as a step below the safe word. I can use it when I want the spanking to continue, but I am really not enjoying it because it is just too much. Our spankings are for pleasure, and Max won't meet his goal if I'm miserable. More often than not, I'm begging him for more. Poor guy really can't always guess my tolerance by my mood or my noises. "Uncle" is as much for him as for me.

Honestly, I don't know to what to attribute the variation. So far I've never been given a spanking that I didn't want. My mood when he begins is nearly always happy, excited, turned on, and ready to play. Sometimes, it just hurts like hell, though. I'm grateful for this brunch question. Maybe we'll gain some insight from the other answers.

Natty: The answer is YES. I go through periods where my pain tolerance is very low and other times where I'm a total pain slut. I still haven't figured out why. I was just musing that perhaps it has to do with having to take Coumadin and the ups and downs of my clotting time. Yet I know that doesn't completely explain it.

My other hypothesis is my monthly cycle. But, um, I haven't gathered good data on that one yet. ;-)

Jess: I've heard other people attribute the variation to hormonal cycles. I have to agree. At certain times, I am much less tolerant.

Sometimes, it is a simple explanation: too much play in too short of a time. If we play often in a given week, I get sore and sensitive.

Mary: YES! Sometimes, I am ready for a hard spanking including caning. Other times, I seem to whine from the first moment his hand spanks a bit sharply. I have attributed it to anything from hormones, stress, altitude (I always seem more sensitive in the mountains) and any other excuse I could find. He attributes it to the fact that perhaps I was a bit naughtier than usual. Generally, increased sensitivity is either evidence to him that I really NEED a spanking bad, or that a spanking is LONG overdue. Either way, I don't get much sympathy. On one particular occasion of sensitivity, he just stopped and held me though. It was such a relief. On that occasion, he said he just got the feeling that I needed hugs more than spanks, and so that is what I got. I have to say my partner can be every bit as sweet as he can be stern. Certainly I find him wonderful.

Dr. Ken: Going on past experience and speaking just in very general terms, tolerance levels definitely increase over time. Her bottom seems able to take more, and my palm can deliver a good hard spanking without getting sore. Like anything else, it seems to be a matter of conditioning...

David: One day, I'm spanking Mthc and wondering how she can stand it. But she loves it. The next time, after a few swats, she is telling me to be more gentle with her.

Hermione: My sensitivity has definitely increased over time, in that I am now much more attuned to the delightful sensations that spanking produces. It isn't just pain. It's pleasure, caresses, erotic stimulation and closeness to my partner.

My tolerance to the length and severity of individual spankings has greatly increased too, and that's partly because my bottom has become used to it. The more it is spanked the more it can take. What might have been too painful at one time is now acceptable and even welcome. It's also because I crave more of those delightful sensations that I have discovered.

K: I don't know about conditioning over long periods of time since we don't get frequent opportunities to play. For individual spankings, there are variables that affect what is too much and what isn't. I haven't met an implement I didn't like, but there are a couple that are a bit too intense if they're used too early in the spanking. Early on, those need to be used gently. As the spanking progresses, I can enjoy more of them. It's good that we only spank for pleasure because those are the toys that would get used for non-pleasure spankings. Before a spanking, I may get teased with stern tones and comments like, "don't make me use the brush" or, "we can skip the warm up." It's all in fun and builds the anticipation and excitement. I have noticed that the more aroused I am, the harder he can spank me and make it feel good. I'm really not into the pain so much as the sensations. Hubby is very good at reading me and giving me what's enjoyable for both of us.

Fanny: My husband and I are also new to spanking. As with Maryann, I am always excited/happy for it to happen, at least in the beginning. Sometimes, it feels so good that I could take it forever. But at other times, I too am begging for mercy after a short time. I have noticed that a warm-up makes a nice difference, but other than that, I’m not sure what it is. Of course, the implement being used is one thing. With two teenagers in the house, noise is a consideration for us, and I have found that all quiet implements are EVIL! (However, we have recently discovered rattan canes, and I'm thinking that with a little practice...?)

I also find that a "mental warm-up" helps. If I have had a chance to anticipate the spanking, it usually feels better than the "Oh, wow, the kids will both be gone for an hour, so hurry up and let’s go" variety.

Thomas: In most cases, regular conditioning has led to a greater tolerance in the bottoms that I've spanked. The only real exception to this pattern that I've noticed is with Cookie, and it's due to one of the medications that she sometimes takes. Whenever she takes it, her sensitivity increases dramatically, causing what would otherwise be a lackluster spanking to almost bring her to tears. However, It’s not as though I've ever used this to my advantage...

Paul: Mood, hormonal cycle, stress level all affect pain tolerance. Of course, after a while, the bottom toughens up. After a few years, Mel rarely bruised or marked.

Liberal use of moisturiser during aftercare keeps the bottom soft and saves the spanker's arm and hand.

Sandy: Oh sure, tease us with chocolate cake that we can't actually eat! What was the question again?

Apple: Definitely, yes, it has changed. My butt and I can stand more spanking – first because of the practice, and second because I simply need and want more.

But I noticed that it can differ from day to day, depending on my mood or lustfulness :)

TheAnnieWithin: My tolerance level changes with my level of surrendered-ness. When I am fully surrendered to my Leiber Meister, I can take whatever it is He wishes to dish out. On the other hand, if I am rebellious in spirit, my tolerance goes down. Since I am not relaxed and in that surrendered state, I believe the way I hold my body, the rigidity of my spirit, makes me break sooner (and that is just what I need!) and soon I am pliable in body and soul once again. Ahhhh, (insert deeply satisfying sigh here...)

Lula: I never gave this question a lot of thought, but there are definitely times when I can take more of a spanking than others. The funny thing is that when I'm not tolerating the 'normal' level and I'm begging for mercy, subsequent spankings aren't as hard. LOL So then, I'm like “harder, harder, bring it on.” I never considered hormones, stress, etc., but I'm sure that has something to do with it!

D: I am amazed on just how much I can take these days. I've always considered myself a bit of a pain "wuss". But since receiving spankings on a regular basis, I now find I can take more.

I think I've even surprised G with how much I can take. Sometimes, when I'm in a particularly bratty mood, I'll blurt out "Is that all you've got??" Which, of course, I immediately regret...

Thank the Universe for aloe!

PS - Thank you for the torte. Chocolate and spankings... can it get any better?

Elle: Yes, I get that too - I attribute it to mood, time of day/night, menstrual cycles, and how recently my last spanking was. Another thing is that I had a much higher tolerance for it with one partner than I ever had before or since. I have no idea why because he wasn't even that special a guy in my life.

Papa Woodie: My precious Annie has become ever more tolerant in our impact adventures. She surprises herself regularly with how much she endures and enjoys. For me, each of these occasions is a moment of joy and amazement. It’s like watching your young child's expressions of overwhelming happiness as they unwrap a much desired, yet unexpected gift. I feel even more pride and love and devotion for her each time.

Her sensitivity, for the 'pain' involved, has decreased only in proportion to the increases of her understanding that the experience is beneficial and cathartic and, often, pure fun.

Our first two or three sessions were brief and fraught with peril. But she came to grasp that it didn't really hurt 'physically' as much as she was 'thinking' it was. The cognitive experiences, initially, were more painful that the epidermal sensations. In talking while I held her afterwards, we likened it to the reactions one has to the old practical joke involving a pan or cup of supposedly scalding water. The brain perceives that the body is about to be splashed with boiling hot water, while in actuality the water is, at most, just lukewarm. Another analogy, also relating to water, is the beach swimmer who feels the water is just too cold, and yet after swimming and playing for a brief while, it hardly seems noticeable.

Accepting that what we do is based in love and caring and compassion allows an entirely new attitude. And that adjustment encourages growth and development and liberation. The changes in sensitivity are the shifts in feeling that the sensations are good verses bad. This isn't to suggest that hurting isn't involved. Rather it’s the process of acknowledging the activity as empowering, helpful, loving, caring, desired, and sometimes even necessary, as opposed to it being demeaning, abusive, childish, harmful, or mean.

Nowadays, she marvels that she hadn't yet felt she's reached her limits, until I've determined that she's had enough... And then she feels it was just exactly enough (and any more would've been too much). For now...

Daisy:Oh, dear... I had thought, as we haven't had that many spankings together, that I wouldn't be able to join in this one. But, upon reflection, I found that if we were doing play spankings, I would get more warm up, and the spanking would build up gradually. In these cases, I could let him carry on all night! If it were for bratting, just "pushing his buttons," as he called it, he would start straight into the nasty hard swats, and I would be squealing in distress almost from the start! But, if it were a REAL punishment, for something I had done which made him cross or upset, and I was genuinely remorseful, I could take a very hard punishment indeed, feeling I truly deserved it, wanting to be punished severely in order to purge the guilt and feel forgiven.

PS: LOVE the cake... I'm on the way over to yours now... LOL

Bonnie: I agree with most of these observations. Here are eight factors that seem to make me more sensitive: (a) spanked too recently, (b) not spanked for a while, (c) not fully aroused, (d) not well warmed up, (e) various hormonal issues, (f) fresh from a warm shower, (g) caught by surprise, and (h) distracted by other concerns.

Thank you to everyone who contributed this week. It is your tremendous insights that make our brunches a continuing success!

MBS Spanko Brunch #131

Hello again to all our dear brunchers! The time has come to consider another spanking question. This week, our topic was provided by our friend, Sabrina.

Do you or your partner experience changes in sensitivity or tolerance level over time? If so, to what do you attribute these differences?

If you would like to contribute to our discussion, I invite you to leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a turn, I will post an edited recap.

Oh, and do try the chocolate torte. It's exquisite!

Sixty Eight?

In a guest post promoting her latest book, our long time friend, Paige Tyler, tells us that sixty eight percent of women surveyed say they have been spanked in bed. Sixty eight percent! This figure was provided by Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Wow. Really? That's very cool. I've never felt quite so mainstream.

I hope those couples enjoyed it...

Poll: Out?

In separate and insightful responses to my last post, Rad and Thomas made the point that an excellent means to advance the cause of civil rights for spanking enthusiasts is to step out of the shadows and live one's life in the sunlight.

I admire (and perhaps somewhat envy) people who possess the courage to be out. For many of us, though, that isn't a practical option. The cost is simply too great, be it financial, family relationships, or professional standing. So we peek our heads out just far enough to recognize and acknowledge our brethren. And we wait for a day when it's safe to be out.

Where do you stand?

How "Out" are you regarding your spanking interest and activities? No one knows but me My partner(s) are the only ones who know Just my partner(s) and some cyberfriends know A few real world spanko friends know Plenty of people in the scene know A number of vanillas know I'm totally out What spanking interest? Current Results

Sage Scottish Spanking Advice

I recently came across an advice column in a Scottish newspaper where a reader asked about spanking. The columnist, to my delight, handled the query quite well.

First, she assured the concerned gentleman that consensual spanking was neither weird nor dangerous. Next, she encouraged him to at least talk with his wife before engaging a professional. Regardless of her opinion of the merits of the man's request, his wife might prefer to keep this activity at home. Finally, the columnist urged the man to come to terms with his desires.

I think this was an excellent answer. The columnist may or may not be familiar with recreational spanking, but either way, she displayed a lot of common sense. Her advice was practical and non-judgmental.

Spanking enthusiasts are too often the subject of ridicule in the media. The recent case of Max Mosley (Google it if you must) is but one recent example. Is it any wonder that people interested in spanking hide in the shadows for year upon year?

One of the objectives of this blog has always been to provide a clear and rational perspective of our lifestyle. We're not scary and there isn't anything wrong with us. We are friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family members. I know from my correspondence that this gentle message has helped numerous people to accept this aspect of themselves or their partners. I feel privileged to provide this service.

And yet, until the mainstream media stops using us as fodder for jokes (much like gays and lesbians were treated a generation ago), we cannot show our true selves. I say thank you to Ms. Burnie for addressing the issue with sensitivity. It may be a small step in the right direction, but it is a step.

In With The New: Midsummer Night's Edition

One aspect I enjoy about publishing a blog is creating traditions. We have the brunch, of course, and the mailbag, and Keyword Chaos. They're a lot of fun for both readers and me. But I think my favorite recurring feature might be In with the New. This is my opportunity to recognize some of the new faces in our community.

It is my pleasure to present ten new spanking-oriented blogs. I hope you will visit and enjoy them.

BerryBlack Flaming Rose Blush New To Spanking Proper Spanking Stories Radspace Random Mussings Red Bottom Art Spanked: Red Cheeked Erotica Spanking Girl Spanking Photography

As you explore these blogs, I encourage you to leave comments. New bloggers are typically starved for feedback. They don't know whether they are doing things right or if anyone is even out there. Your timely words of support can make the difference between a successful blog and an abandoned effort.

To these new bloggers, let me bid you welcome to our community. I look forward to watching your blogs grow and thrive. I hope you find the spanko blogging experience as rewarding as I have!

Keywords: spanking, spanking blog, spanking blogs, spanking blogger, In with the New

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 13

Our topic this week was the age old dilemma - Leather or Wood? Here are your thoughts.

RPT: I prefer leather. It's stingy and less likely to bruise. But MP likes wood, the hairbrush is her favourite. However, we have taken a liking to polycarbonate and have been using our Lexan paddle a great deal.

Mostly it depends on circumstances and mood.

Stacy: I love wooden implements, my favorite being the wooden hairbrush.
Boo likes wood too, as he likes the sound.

I like leather, but I'm not too fond of it. Boo loves leather, and he always wants to use his belt on me. I'm not a big fan of belts, but I'll let him every so often.

For us, It really depends on the type of spanking and mood.

Daisy: We only have a few implements so far. I would like to increase our collection, but specialty spanking items, like leather paddles, are very expensive compared to the price of a wooden ping pong paddle or wooden spoon! "Convertible" items certainly do less damage to the budget!

Therefore, I cannot really say which I prefer, since I haven't had the pleasure(?) of knowing the difference yet! I'm none too keen on the wooden paddle, nor the hairbrush, and the wooden spoon is viciously stingy. So maybe I would prefer leather. I certainly get a jellylike feeling in my legs when I hear the unmistakable swish of his belt snaking through his belt loops.

By the way, all those of you in the UK, the larger Tescos have a "sports"section and cater for horseriding. Now, I don't know how many of you like horseriding. But for those who do, Tesco has a very serviceable riding crop for just £2.75p...... (under US$6) Just in case anyone needs one... :)

Anon: Leather gets my vote every time, with the exception of the cane. When I have not felt its sting for a while, I start to crave it!

Mary: Leather all the way! His belt is number one, plus we have a couple of leather toys from the London Tanner. I love the belt so much that last time I flew to see my guy, I had to get spanked for confessing that I got a bit "wet" while going through security. All those men innocently taking their belts off just set me to day dreaming while waiting my turn to go through myself. I can go to naughty places in my mind so easily at times.

The sting, the smell, the intimacy all of it make the belt so delicious.

luvbunny: I really like the leather belt the best, but of course my Sir has to switch off every now and then. LOL

Paul: For us it was leather every time, once again with the exception of the cane.
Leather heats well without bruising. Lovely!

Dr. Ken: I have to go with the old familiar rhyme:

     Wood good,
     Leather better.

Almost without exception the ladies with whom I've had the privilege to play prefer leather. It's gotten to the point where when I travel – say, to Chicago for a Crimson Moon party – I only take a couple leather implements with me and stout wooden hairbrush – and I only take the hairbrush along for one lady in particular.

Most of the time I just spank by hand, but when I do go for an implement, it's something made of leather. And, to echo what Mary said, it's probably something made by Ian of The London Tanner.

Hidden Flames: I have to agree. I prefer leather. Although, these days, I would take anything I could get. :(

Prefectdt: The answer would have to be both. If you were to point a gun to my head and ask me to choose one, it would have to be wood. I have rediscovered the joys of being caned over the last year. The combination of being slowly flogged over marks, that come from a heavy caning is a particularly piquant experience. It would be disappointing to live in a world where you could not combine the two.

Radagast: It depends on the level or type of pain I'm trying to inflict. I prefer using a belt or a strap because I just like the whole dynamic of it – the person bent over a chair or bench or laying down as the strap snaps across their bottom. I usually resort to a paddle of the wooden variety when it's a severe punishment session.

Hermione: Leather wins, hands down! Leather implements feel so sensual. Every stroke is a caress, albeit a painful one.

That preference evolved over time. For many years, we had only two implements, one of which was made of wood. Once we started experimenting with other possibilities and I discovered the delights of leather, I was hooked. Given a choice, I always opt for leather when the spanking is strictly erotic.

I prefer a wooden implement when I need help in dealing with stress, simply because it lacks the sensual qualities of leather. Wood is unyielding and means business!

My husband believes in treating all implements equally. Unless I make a specific request, he alternates between the two, choosing from our leather collection for one spanking and from the woodpile for the next. The best times are when I get both.

David: I like giving the spankings with wooden implements or my hand. Mthc hates the hairbrush and my favorite is the ping pong paddle.

Megan: My vote is for wood every time! The sound is so nice. The thinner wooden toys are much stingy-er, whereas the really thick paddles are much thuddy-er.

Patty's paddles are very beautiful and erotic. Cane IAC carries them, and they also offer a spanking buddy. This is a wooden paddle that straps over the hand for OTK work.

Having said all that, there is nothing sexier than a man taking off his belt. Ahhhh...

Another Mary: Well, as Hermione says, "The best times are when I get both." I don't think I can choose between leather and wood, at least now. The Leather Tanners' boudoir paddle and Walt's oval OTK maple paddle are regulars that my husband always brings out these days. I especially like the wood paddle at the end of the spanking. My husband and I are relatively new to spanking (too many wasted years in denial!), and he was at first hesitant to try anything but his hand, and he is still gentler with the implements (especially the wood) than he is with his hand. But I expect that will change over time, as it did pretty quickly with his hand! He says he especially likes the cool smoothness of the wood, too, and that it's "easier to control," whatever that means!

We have a couple of leather toys besides the favorite London Tanners paddle. Among these are a nice flogger from Adam and Gillian that we love and a leather slapper that's special to me because it was the first spanking toy my husband surprised me with not long after I finally asked him to spank me. The one oval maple paddle is all we have in wood. For now, anyway!

Todd and Suzy: Without question Suzy prefers leather. We have several wood implements, and with one exception they all produce a "thud" feeling which she is not a fan of. So, for the most part, wood implements are used for discipline-type spankings.

That leaves leather implements as largely playful items. Though, she has a love-hate relationship with belts. As for preferences changing over time, we've both have gotten more interested in canes. But as for wood vs. leather? No, not much change there.

Pmduo: Absolutely leather! For awhile, he just used his hand or a wooden hairbrush. Once he started using his belt, I never wanted anything else. I agree with Hermione. There is definitely a sensual feel to leather.

Elle: Overall, I would have to say leather. I'm a very sensual girl and leather on skin produces a range of interesting feelings, from stingy slaps from a leather paddle, whippy blows from a man's belt, to that strange sexy feeling of wearing leather clothing... Ahem.

Of course, I'm not so experienced with wood, although my ex gave me the cane and switch. And I've had the back of my hairbrush from several men, including my current boyfriend. But I personally think wood is a little bit dull. Every stroke feels more or less the same, in contrast to leather where it can be a little more varied.

My absolute favourite implement is simply his hand, but the leather belt is a close second.

Maryann: His hand is my favorite, hands down! Ha. But, my favorite implement is the big wooden paddle. Max prefers the lighter weight wooden paddle. It is also good. I do love the immediacy of him taking off his belt, "right now," sometimes though. Yum. Still, I vote for wood.

Papa Woodie: Ohhhh, leather is just so much fun. Supple and loose, as a belt or strop or a braided quirt, it provides a degree of variability in the strokes. And the unpredictable impacts are so delightful. A fairly moderate increase in force yields only a slightly greater spank. It’s so much fun (at both ends!)

Ahhhh, but lovingly crafted wood is ever so reliable. Its power is controlled and directed and intentional. There are very few 'oops' or missed targets with a well balanced tool in an oft practiced swing. Using it lets me “know” just what she has felt.

Mmmmm, and let's not overlook those leather items fashioned like their wooden counterparts. Those are my absolute favorites. Nothing finishes off a perfect spanking better than a good stiff, stoutly built leather paddle. Sensuous in its touch, delicate in its bite, faithful in delivering its promises!

• Start out with the softer leathers and build up to a nice warming all-over glow. The first pink blush spreads, pulsing with need.


• Switch to a wonderfully smooth and balanced wooden paddle or spoon. This takes the heat to a deeper radiance. Her cheeks are now so adorably red. They are eagerly throbbing and poised for a cathartic release.


• Finish beautifully with a sturdy thick leather paddle. This brings the simmering heat to its climatic satisfaction: An emotional rebirth arising from the flames of desire and release. A new woman emerges, refreshed and alive, relieved and grateful, renewed and energized, younger and happier, more feminine and more beautiful.

Rosy: I like the weight of wood, and the warmth of leather.

Wood is best for warm-ups over clothing, but when it touches skin, I can't last long. And I definitely prefer longer sessions.

I have found a new favorite that almost combines the best of both – a ping pong paddle. It’s $6 at Wal-Mart, and it's got the thud of wood, with far less sting. We just tried it out, and I must say, ping pong paddles are the best. :)

Robin: Not having played with a great variety of implements, I think I prefer leather. I know the implement I like the least is the wooden bath brush. A hairbrush isn't bad, but I like the leather paddles and the crop. So, I guess I'm leaning more towards leather.

Love4Her: At the hands of another, wood is all I have known. I have gotten the wooden spoon a few times. Last week, my wife gave me a rather lengthy session (for her ) and left me red and warm. There is a black belt coiled at her bedside that I wish she would try. She knows I put it there and why. Just the idea of her holding it and scolding me for anything gives me a rise. Hopefully, she will see fit to use it on me in the future. Having played with it alone, I know it has a bite, but it would be so much more satisfying in her hand with her instruction on my behavior.

I long to have her in control, scolding and teaching me a lesson while really punishing me. It could be for real or in a role play situation. It is just a need I have developed. She is trying to understand because she loves me and knows I would do anything for her pleasure, so she wants to give me pleasure too.

Blushing Bride: I like both, but we have more wooden implements. Hubby prefers wooden ones, as he feels more able to control them. And since he decides which implements are used...

Bonnie: Randy generally selects the toys for each session. He often gets on runs where he likes a particular implement, type of implement, or material. Other times, he goes out of his way to give me what I least expect. Overall, I would say he averages about 60/40 wood. He says he likes to feel and hear a good solid smack. He likes seeing the redness rise as he strikes my flesh.

For many years, we used almost exclusively wood. Our early adventures with leather were not very successful. Then as now, a wrapping belt can leave some truly nasty marks. There were no web sites to consult in those days, so we stuck with what worked for us. Since then, of course, Randy’s aim has improved greatly as has our fondness for leather toys.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your insights and experiences. I hope you will join us again for next Sunday's brunch.

MBS Spanko Brunch #130

Welcome back, one and all. This is our weekly brunch and the topic on table is, of course, spanking. This time, we rekindle a classic debate.

Do you prefer wooden implements or leather? Does your partner agree? Do your answers depend upon the purpose and context of the spanking? Have your preferences evolved over time?

I hope you will add your unique perspective to our discussion. All you need to do is leave a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Keyword Chaos Retread

Once again, it's time to dig into those oddball phrases that somehow bring folks here to MBS.

• spanking the wife - It sounds like a chore, as in "mowing the lawn"


• midget spanking and sex - Short people are entitled to a little fun too


• perfekt spanking - That's more than I can say for your spelling


• caning pony girls bottoms - No, no, no! Get your fantasies straight. Use the cane for English schoolgirls. Ponies get the crop!


• cyber spanking - The blog police are getting strict these days


• how many spanks should be given when using a hairbrush? - That depends upon how you use it and what you hope to accomplish


• painful spanking implements - In my experience, that would be most of them


• wooden paddles spank - Paddles don't spank people. People spank people.


• cowboy love spanking stories - Tarzan love bondage stories


• crush on adam clayton - I'll bet they were confused when they arrived here


• how often do you cane your wife - Or have you stopped beating her?


• my husband darling honey boss powerful cruel instructed me - We need a scorecard to figure out all of the action in this query


• pull down your pants and bend over - There's nothing like the direct approach


• no way to sit without skirt - After you lose your skirt, it's a little late for modesty


• adult foreplay punishment - So which is it?


• automated machine discipline spanking fantasies - Asimov must be spinning about now


• bare bottom in just the right place good for spanking - Wouldn't it be easier to simply bare the entire thing?


• bound and spanked in diapers - Whatever, dude


• butt-plug diy - There are some things that are better not made at home


• canabulism in africa - That's a lot like what you do to the English language


• dog style spanking - I'm picturing a lot of heavy mastication


• eneama lady - I always liked that song, "Girl from Eneama"


• f/m otk otk otk - Pressing the elevator call button multiple times will NOT make it arrive any sooner


• federation for wobbly bottoms - Great Caesar's ghost! They've organized.


• spanked by my husband dressed as a naughty schoolgirl - Who knew they made knee socks that size?


• funny spanking porno doggy - This sounds like an adult variant of monkey-cam


• getting someone spanking - For just $39.95, you can sent your favorite couple our famous spanko starter kit including paddle, crop, scented oils, and a blindfold


• grab cheerleaders boobs - Not a good plan. Go back, sit down, and think some more


• Hermione spanking story - I hope you're talking about the blogger and not the underage wizard


• home made spankings - Doesn't it just make you feel all nice and toasty warm?


• husband spanking wife slup - Try aiming for her bottom - it works much better


• I am not lesbian but I fantasize about being spanked otk by older women - Do the letters T-M-I hold any significance for you? This is a search engine, not Dear Abby


• I love bikinis - I have no doubt you look simply stunning in your Brazilian tanga.


• lady godiva spank - Hey, don't mess with my chocolate connection!


• master spank granny - You never know... Granny might just enjoy it


• my bootm smarts - He's good at starting his computer


• my bototm smarts - This sounds like a South Pacific island


• my bottem smarts - Germanic perhaps?


• my bottom msarts - It could be a little known Microsoft drawing program


• my bottom msmarts - Obviously savoring the burn for one extra syllable


• my nottom smarts - I think this must be the opposite of a bubble butt


• open air forest bare bottom caning photo - Now that's what I call roughing it


• paddled by boss instead of firing panties - Please, sir, don't fire my panties!


• panties down arm of couch - What's this beneath the cushion? Why, it looks like someone's underwear!


• panties down principal cheerleader - The principal needs to keep his panties up around the cheerleaders


• perfect female celebrities being spanked - If they're perfect, what excuse is there to spank them?


• photos of sexy girdles - Yet another oxymoron


• pics de pantylines - Hunting the elusive telltale crease


• red sore asses spanked - Once they're red and sore, no additional spanking is required


• schoolgirl short skirt white cotton squirt - Why are these cotton balls all over the floor?


• sorority initiation naked paddle - I actually never considered clothing a paddle, but it could be cute - sort of like a cross between a dog coat and a tea cozy


• spank my butt London - and call me Duchess Sally


• spanked by wife's lover - This sounds complicated


• spanked with a strap on tape - I don't think that's what they usually strap on


• spanked with wet bottom - OK, this might be the strangest implement ever


• spanking adult discipline therapist wisconsin - Oh, those wacky cheeseheads!


• spanking bloopers - Spanker's note to self: Don't apply oil with paddle hand


• spanking clothes off - It's much easier to just pull them off


• spanking curvy women in string bikinis - Yeah, in your dreams


• spanking game hockey bottom - So which end of the stick do we use?


• spanking with nylon panties down - Once they're down, it doesn't much matter what the panties are made from, right?


• unconverted spanking positions - Say what?


• virutal bottom spanking - Now available for the Wii


• what is kinkier than BDSM? - Why, BDSM at the rodeo, of course


• women wearing panties in mainstream movies - I imagine most of them do


• my spanking inside panties - I'm sorry, but there's only room for one in here

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 6

Our brunch topic for the week was photographic depictions of spankings and related activities. As you can see, we had a tremendous turnout. Here are your thoughts.

Anon #1: For me, photos are mostly a turn-on, though it depends. Some very explicit photos (that border on violence to me) are certainly a turn-off. But a picture of a man giving his gal a spanking? I don't mind a bit!

MP & RPT: We like looking at spanking pictures, provided they are not too harsh! The Lupus stuff is WAAAY too much for our delicate minds.

However, a nicely reddened bottom or some stripes from a cane are fine.

Then there are the pictures we take of ourselves, but perhaps that's for another brunch?

You bet! That’s an excellent topic. Thanks!

Greenwoman: I think that spanking images are a form of porn for me. They’re sometimes art, but mostly, they are porn. If I'd want to be the bottom in the image, then I get aroused.

I personally have no interest in seeing an anus on anyone. I don't really care much for seeing a woman's vulva most of the time either. I am not attracted to images where the bottom is covered in bruises. I like to see a pretty bottom that is pink cheeked and sexy looking. I enjoy seeing panties slid down off the bottom quite a lot. I like seeing hands giving the spanking and ones that I'd want on me, fondling my bottom. I don't care for photos with the woman all dressed in leather or latex. I don't like to see an open legged crotch shot. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s just not my thing. If I want to see a woman with her legs spread, I'll pop in a porn movie.

For the most part, I am more aroused by artsy shibari bondage images than by spanking images.

I am more aroused by spanking art than by photos actually. I love Patty's work and other work like it. It is incredibly arousing to me. I could look at it and ooze day after day. But photos really don't melt my butter nearly that much. It’s mostly because I don't care much about what other people are doing when it comes to imagery. I prefer doing to looking. Art, on the other hand, really turns me on.

As far as a photo being explicit about sex between bottom and top? I don't care to view anal sex, but I enjoy an explicit image very much if its artsy.

Daisy: They make me jealous! I don't like to see all a woman’s bits on show. But to see a bottom about to be spanked or one all freshly pink from a spanking... Mmmm... If only it were me!

Sherryl: It's a turn-on when I see a man being spanked. There are not enough pictures of men being spanked.

I like to see women being spanked too, but like I said, it is especially a turn-on seeing a man being spanked no matter the position.

Thomas: For the most part, spanking images are a turn-on for me, though it largely depends on the content. Pre-spanking images really don't do it for me. I like to see a freshly spanked bottom showing clear evidence of color or marking. To some degree, severity is a greater turn-on, as I prefer images from Realspankings or Lupus to an image of a bottom that's barely pink. Another contributing factor is whether the spankee appeals to me. An image will do little for me if I don't readily fantasize that I'm the one doing the spanking.

Stacy: Most of them turn me on completely.

I enjoy viewing them (and sometimes wishing I was the one getting the spanking!) and they help my boyfriend and me think up scenarios for our next adventure (heheh, school girl spanking shots! He loves those white panties).

And pre-spanking images do it for me, as long as they are well done.

It is only a huge turn off when the people are dressed in leather or the bottom is bruised in the picture or so red you can find them in a dark room. I prefer to see the bottoms with pink bottoms and big smiles.

Mike: I prefer to see a woman rather than a man being spanked because women's figures and bottoms are more visually pleasing to look at. Bruises and blood are definite turn-offs.

However, I post drawings and pictures of men being spanked because they display the strong self-assured woman correcting the faults of the man being spanked. Also, pictures of a determined woman holding a spanking implement please many of my readers. Due to the fact that Lynn will only agree to spank, but not be spanked herself, I have grown to enjoy being spanked, and looking at men being spanked.

PK: Before I found blogs, I mostly looked for pictures. I find them a real turn-on, but only if they look real. Leather, whips, and boots are not real to me. I like seeing a husband or boyfriend spanking a wife or girlfriend. I also find that the ones I like most show the woman's face. I want to see her reaction. I almost resent the fakey pictures of a supposed spanking where the woman is looks bored or totally unaffected. If you are going to go to the trouble of taking a picture, try and make it look real anyway! Even for those of us who love spanking, we don’t have a silly grin or a blank expression on our face when it is happening!

Lucy: I've never been a big fan of explicit photos. I really prefer not to look at strangers’ genitalia be they male or female. I do like more modest spanking photos and artsy bondage photos. The other thing I have discovered is that I'm not a fan of hardcore bondage photos. I've clicked onto a site only to quickly click the back button on my browser because the picture at the top of the page was something that I couldn't stomach.

Several of the previous comments mentioned a distaste for photographs involving leather. I have to say that I adore leather and even though not all photos featuring leather are my taste, it has to be one of the best "fabrics" hands down. I do like to see people in leather as long as they are fully clothed. I have nothing against nudity, but I don't go hunting for it on Google.

Dr. Ken: I enjoy spanking photos. I have many as wallpaper or screen savers. I prefer spanking photos that are OTK, ones – as mentioned in another reply – where I can see the lady's face, and one that is being done by hand or hairbrush, or something that seems normal and realistic, anyway. (I remember a photo set from the 60's or 70's where the man doing the spanking had a different implement in every shot – including a golf club! It all seemed rather unlikely to me...)

I like the photos to be tasteful. Explicit photos don't interest me, and I try not to use them on my blog. The camera-as-gynecologist (or proctologist, for that matter) does nothing for me. So photographers, keep the zoom lenses in your camera bags!

Anon #2: Photographs are generally a turn-on, but such a small number of photos are really convincing. So many look posed or artificial. I think a really good drawing is much better, and Paula Russell of Februs comes to my mind as the all time great. She seems to get every part of it right, perhaps because she has been on the receiving end herself!

I agree with other comments. I prefer no bloody, bruised bottoms, just red cheeks or moderate cane stripes. They can leave out the glimpses or often full exposures of the ladies' intimate parts. Make sure she is bent over in a provocative but practical way, and a little simple bondage to hold her there does not come amiss.

Hermione: Pictures are just not my thing. I am very much a word person, and will choose words over pictures any day. Give me a well-written description of a spanking and I will create a series of pictures in my mind that are tailored to my own specific preferences. I can still remember and visualize passages that I read over 30 years ago in books that are long gone. But I forget pictures almost immediately.

I am turned off by nudity, and especially by explicit pictures that include genitalia. I know they're there; I just don't care to look at them. A bare bottom is enough. I also don't want to see any extreme form of punishment like whipping or beating, or anything that draws blood or causes visible damage.

The exception seems to be videos. I have seen some short clips that I found very appealing and exciting. That does seem to contradict my preference for words, and I can only assume the reason is that the brain processes movies differently than stills. The videos that I have found to be a turn-on are ones I can relate to personally in some way. It might be a position or an implement – or both – that I would enjoy. Often there is some sort of physical resemblance between the victim and me that makes it easy to put myself in the spankee's place. These video images also persist in my memory and I can call them up at a later time, just as I can with the images created from written passages.

Skye: As someone who didn't realize any of this was available until this April, I am still getting used to the variety that I find. I am quickly deciding what I like and don't like, however. Photos don't really do much for me, especially the explicit ones. Some of the ones that are OTK and tasteful, maybe I'll look at twice, maybe. Drawings and art, (again, not explicit) I do like. I don't know why there is a difference in my mind, but there is. I'd much prefer a story. I like to create my own mental images.

Jane: I'm not really interested in looking at photos of spanking, but similarly to what Hermione said, I don't mind videos or reading. The only other image that I would like to see is John being commanding. Maybe it's partly a female trait of addressing the emotional rather than the visual. (?)

Paul: I agree with many of your commenters. I love a nicely presented butt that has been properly spanked, nicely reddened ,or with well-placed stripes. I don't like pretend spankings where the model looks as if she is going to fall asleep.

Brutal turns me off, and while I know that in certain positions the vagina and anus will be visible, gynecological shots turn me off.

I also love to see erotic spankings, something that Mel and I did a great deal. The thought of people enjoying it is the biggest turn on.

Hapzoid: I enjoy "caught being naughty" pictures. These include bad grades, naughty at school, skinny-dipping, late for curfew, sassing, dent in car, wanking, etc. While Lupus is a bit severe, it's the kind of spanking I imagine even when receiving a mild erotic spanking. I like mother/son/daughter, Aunty, Father/son/daughter, domestic, old time woodshed, etc. The spankee/spanker can be naked or partially clad. Happy spanking!

Fanny: I've been a lurker at several spanking blogs for quite a while and decided to finally stop by and say Hi to everyone!

I'm with Hermione on this one. Give me words any day. However, I have seen many drawings on-line that I find very erotic. There is something about the artwork that just seems to capture the emotions of the scene. I just don't get the same feeling from photos. Could it be a case of fantasy vs. reality?

Welcome, Fanny. I’m glad you joined us!

Ruteawakening: I rather enjoy looking at spanking pictures, and in all honesty, I probably look at them too much. I definitely would prefer to act them out more. :)

I don't care for pictures that are too severe and depict cuts and really bad bruises. I also find that leather and/or dungeon scenes do not appeal to me very much. I prefer "pure" spanking pictures without rough bondage, gag toys, etc. My favorite pictures involve scenes where somebody is in trouble for a myriad of possible offenses. The scenes that depict school spankings are the most erotic for me. That could be because I feared them so much while growing up. Now, I love to act them out (talk about irony). :) Oh yeah, I am the one who would be in trouble. This is a most impressive blog. Y'all have a good day.

Thank you, and welcome to you as well, Rute.

Mary: For me, Greenwoman described it well. If I find myself wishing I was the bottom being spanked then I am aroused.

Cane stripes and strappings are nice, but deep bruises or cut skin turn me off. I like the panties pulled down rather than off, something about that is arousing to me.

Brat V: Like so many others on here, I love a good spanking picture, but don't care for anything explicit or too brutal. A nicely brightened bottom is a big turn on. Blood, severe bruising and welts that have broken or almost broken the skin do nothing for me.

Have I bruised from a spanking? Of course. Have I bled? Actually, yes, I have (just a tiny bit), but the spanking stopped immediately because J doesn't like that either.

Show me a cute girl with a pink/red bottom or some nice cane marks any day! Those are the pictures that leave me longing for a nice long trip over J's lap. :-)

Prefectdt: Here’s another comment that will be made in two parts (er, and a bit).

1. M/f or F/f material – Having developed a little "spankosexualty" over the years, I no longer see female bottoms/subs as women so much as fellow spankees. Although I can still appreciate their looks, I find no sexual turn on from looking at female spankees. Material featuring female spankees is where I look for ideas and inspiration, without that thing in my pants taking over the thinking process.


2. F/m or F/f material – The sight of a hot top in action can give me a bit of a buzz, but for some reason that I cannot work out, they are far hotter if appropriately dressed rather than in a state of semi or entire nudity.

As to photographs where sexual organs are on display, sometimes it is just inevitable in a bare bottom scene. If people don't like how the human body looks, they should complain to the manufacturer. Some photos do deliberately emphasize sexual organs. I'm not against this for people who want to view such material. but it is not my kind of thing.

Anon #3: I find all such pictures – both photographic and otherwise – a huge turnoff. I prefer my poison in written form, and feel dirty and gross when I am obligated to see "buttporn" in order to get to online stories and articles.

Elle: I prefer suggestive pictures and videos that HINT at a spanking to the explicit material showing every last stroke and every last bruise. Visually, the idea that someone might get spanked turns me on far, far more than actually seeing it happen.

On the other hand, if I must watch porn, I do prefer there to be some element of kink in it. Regular porn can be so boring...

Curtis: Photographs of spanking – male spanking female, female spanking male, and female spanking female – are all potential turn-ons for me. I'm probably most turned on by female spanking female because I love the female body as being sexy. Because I'm a switch, I can see myself in either position.

I don't like certain types of pictures, particularly those which depict severe punishment, pictures of bottoms that are deeply bruised or welted, and pictures of women crying or screaming in pain. My interest in spanking is for play, fun, sensuality and, with the right person, erotic as sexual stimulation in and of itself or as prelude to, during, and after sex. It's the pictures that seem to reflect these elements that most turn me on.

Bonnie: Randy and I have a running disagreement about whether fondness for erotic photographs tends to differ by gender. He loves them. I land somewhere between mildly interested and indifferent. He thinks that my position can be explained by the fact that I am a writer and therefore more text-oriented. Our brunch results neither confirm nor refute either position. So the discussion goes on.

I don’t go out of my way to find spanking pictures, but I can appreciate them when I encounter them, especially if they are tastefully presented. As many others have said, I don’t want to see wounds that warrant a trip to the emergency room. I can also skip the illustrations from a gynecological textbook. Ditto anything that suggests participation by a child. My preference is depictions of loving couples where there is (or was) an actual spanking. Obviously posed pictures are just dumb. Why would anyone fake a spanking?

Photographs and other visual depictions certainly have their place, but as Hermione said, I usually prefer to read the words and develop my own pictures.

Maryann: I have looked at several spanked bottoms online (male and female) and find I'm mostly interested in comparison. Since we are so new to spanking, I wonder if what I get is comparable to what is described in stories. "A hard spanking" isn't very precise. The redness and bruises tell the tale. Now that I have done my research, I'm really not interested any more.

I guess that's it for this week. Thank you all for coming and sharing your unique perspectives. I hope you'll join us again next Sunday.