Our topic this week was why spankees develop tolerance. Here are your insights.
Reece Seever: While I'm sure there are psychological components, I think most of the adjustment must be physiological. When we first began experimenting with disciplinary spankings, the bruising could be very substantial. That rarely happens today, unless there has been a substantial amount of time in between spankings.
Mr. BB: Of course, tolerance levels are very individual and can change due to several factors. The most common one discussed is frequency. As a physical defense mechanism, the nerve endings will be less responsive with repeated or frequent spanking. A warm-up spanking can also alert the body's nervous dystem.
There is a worse case scenario also. Repeated and frequent use of a heavier or "thuddy" implement can cause a dead zone for nerve endings in a specific area. The body is highly responsive and it's also very resilient. When the spankings stop or become infrequent the body reverses its response and the nerve endings become more responsive again. In the worse case scenario mentioned above, it takes abstinence over a longer period of time for the body to repair full feeling to normal in a specific region.
There is also other factors for tolerance like a certain time of month or heightened or lessened emotional state. While it is vital for TiHs, submissives, etc. to communicate fully, it's also the responsibility of HoHs, Doms, Tops, etc. to communicate and always be aware of the physical and emotional factors of tolerance.
Kim's Kinky Korner: I believe it lies in the mind! The mindset of a woman is a mysterious animal. Our ability to handle pain from childbirth to spankings is amazing. My personal experience is the more humiliation that I feel, the easier it is to let go and flow through the pain. Women need that light at the end of journey. For example, in childbirth, it's the baby. It's thee same with punishment. If the offender feels that the offense was truly a choice they made and truly wants redemption, then the pain process will flow to the light!
Bob B: This is certainly an interesting topic and I was going to comment, but I do not think anyone could put it better than Mr. BB above.
C: I am by no means an expert, but I would presume it is similar to other muscle areas. When we first exercise our muscles ache and hurt, then after a few days our workouts are less painful. If we take a break the cycle repeats. I would presume spanking is the same. We have the same phenomenon with our hands and gardening.
S: My bottom gets spanked regularly and soundly by D. but the sensation is more exciting than traumatic. After he returns from business trips of a week or two, I am soon bared and bent over. The effect is very different, and I am soon yelping and wriggling as he ignites a fire in my rear.
Hermione: I think that it's physical. The bottom gets toughened up by regular spankings and it gradually adjusts. Over time, it can take harder and longer spankings and show less marking or bruising.
There is probably also a psychological reason for being able to take more pain. You simply get used to it, and know what to expect. It isn't the unknown that it once was, but a familiar routine. It still hurts, but you are better able to handle the pain.
morningstar: Over the last few years, I have gone from regular (very, very regular spankings) to few and very, very far between spankings. For example, when I finally arrived here with W, it had been months and months of no spankings. The first one was very uncomfortable - to the point that it didn't last long at all!
The next one a few days later was much more fun and exciting.
I do believe some of the more ouchy moments (after an absence) are due to physical as well as mental adjustments. The skin and muscle tone are softer (again) and need more tender treatment to build up to the once upon levels. Also, the mind needs to be reminded (in my case anyway) that this is indeed fun! It's not pain per se, but a wonderful release. Once the two parts are in alignment, it all flows rather nicely again
Our Bottoms Burn: I don't subscribe to the common belief that frequent spankings toughen up the skin in ALL humans. Some will mark with frequent attention. Others will not mark no matter how infrequent.
Jenny: Certainly, the small blood vessels can either improve their "tone" and produce less bruising over time, in the same way that calluses develop on feet after minor irritation or scar tissue develops temporarily. The damage to the skin is more of an irritation than true damage to the supporting structures of the skin, which would produce long-lasting scar tissue. Does this affect the pain level transmitted to nerves, too? I don't know much about how individual nerves adapt to repeated, intense physical stimulation. So there may be less bruising or swelling perhaps, but less nerve cell stimulation or transmission of impulses. I don't know.
As for the psychological aspects, people do become more psychologically adapted to different stimuli after repeated exposure. Think of how people adapt to getting repeated allergy injections, which are more upsetting in the first weeks than in later weeks. So certainly there is some psychological tolerance to the pain of a set of spanks. I once took a graduate course in perception, more because it fit my schedule than an interest in the subject. The course certainly changed my thinking about our experiences. There is a stimulus, and there is our perception of that stimulus. Many things can affect our perception of the same stimuli in different circumstances.
I know from my own experience that the same implement, delivered in what is meant to be a routine manner, can feel quite different on different days. Who knows what causes that - previous spankings or lack thereof, hormone levels, fatigue levels, even hunger levels.
So I expect that it's possible that the difference in pain level can be BOTH real and "imagined" (if by that you mean a lessened psychological perception of the stimuli). But from what I know about physiology, I currently lean a bit more towards changes in perception. I am hoping to read these comments and learn about the physical changes in the peripheral nerve cells from the other commenters.
I suppose the key is that, to the recipient, no two spankings are exactly alike.
Marie Pinkerton: I'm a spankee, and also suffer from chronic pain. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Chronic pain changes how you think about pain. You get "used" to having low-level pain all day, every day.
I think spanking is the same. You get spanked enough, and it's going to take more spanking before you start to feel the effects.
Laurel Grasso: I have often wondered about this same thing. I have experienced this over the years. I think that maybe it is a combination of both physical and psychological elements. However this is just my best guess!
Bonnie: As I said in the introduction, I don't know the answer. But my speculation is that both physiological and psychological factors play a role in tolerance levels. As Reece said, I used to bruise long ago and now I generally don't. That's a lot more body than mind. And yet, my mood can greatly affect my perception of pain from a spanking. That's more mind than body. Both are important, I think, and they interact in complex ways.
Thanks, everyone, for joining our conversation. See you next weekend!
Showing posts with label tolerance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tolerance. Show all posts
Monday, July 15, 2013
Monday, July 21, 2008
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 20

Our topic was changes in tolerance and sensitivity over time. Here are your thoughts.
Maryann: We are new to spanking, but Max and I have noticed huge variations in sensitivity/tolerance levels. Sometimes, I tease him the whole time. "Is that a mosquito back there?" Other times, I squeal, kick, and beg him to ease up after just a few swats. Since we are new and there is so much variation in what I can take, we decided to adopt "uncle" as a step below the safe word. I can use it when I want the spanking to continue, but I am really not enjoying it because it is just too much. Our spankings are for pleasure, and Max won't meet his goal if I'm miserable. More often than not, I'm begging him for more. Poor guy really can't always guess my tolerance by my mood or my noises. "Uncle" is as much for him as for me.
Honestly, I don't know to what to attribute the variation. So far I've never been given a spanking that I didn't want. My mood when he begins is nearly always happy, excited, turned on, and ready to play. Sometimes, it just hurts like hell, though. I'm grateful for this brunch question. Maybe we'll gain some insight from the other answers.
Natty: The answer is YES. I go through periods where my pain tolerance is very low and other times where I'm a total pain slut. I still haven't figured out why. I was just musing that perhaps it has to do with having to take Coumadin and the ups and downs of my clotting time. Yet I know that doesn't completely explain it.
My other hypothesis is my monthly cycle. But, um, I haven't gathered good data on that one yet. ;-)
Jess: I've heard other people attribute the variation to hormonal cycles. I have to agree. At certain times, I am much less tolerant.
Sometimes, it is a simple explanation: too much play in too short of a time. If we play often in a given week, I get sore and sensitive.
Mary: YES! Sometimes, I am ready for a hard spanking including caning. Other times, I seem to whine from the first moment his hand spanks a bit sharply. I have attributed it to anything from hormones, stress, altitude (I always seem more sensitive in the mountains) and any other excuse I could find. He attributes it to the fact that perhaps I was a bit naughtier than usual. Generally, increased sensitivity is either evidence to him that I really NEED a spanking bad, or that a spanking is LONG overdue. Either way, I don't get much sympathy. On one particular occasion of sensitivity, he just stopped and held me though. It was such a relief. On that occasion, he said he just got the feeling that I needed hugs more than spanks, and so that is what I got. I have to say my partner can be every bit as sweet as he can be stern. Certainly I find him wonderful.
Dr. Ken: Going on past experience and speaking just in very general terms, tolerance levels definitely increase over time. Her bottom seems able to take more, and my palm can deliver a good hard spanking without getting sore. Like anything else, it seems to be a matter of conditioning...
David: One day, I'm spanking Mthc and wondering how she can stand it. But she loves it. The next time, after a few swats, she is telling me to be more gentle with her.
Hermione: My sensitivity has definitely increased over time, in that I am now much more attuned to the delightful sensations that spanking produces. It isn't just pain. It's pleasure, caresses, erotic stimulation and closeness to my partner.
My tolerance to the length and severity of individual spankings has greatly increased too, and that's partly because my bottom has become used to it. The more it is spanked the more it can take. What might have been too painful at one time is now acceptable and even welcome. It's also because I crave more of those delightful sensations that I have discovered.
K: I don't know about conditioning over long periods of time since we don't get frequent opportunities to play. For individual spankings, there are variables that affect what is too much and what isn't. I haven't met an implement I didn't like, but there are a couple that are a bit too intense if they're used too early in the spanking. Early on, those need to be used gently. As the spanking progresses, I can enjoy more of them. It's good that we only spank for pleasure because those are the toys that would get used for non-pleasure spankings. Before a spanking, I may get teased with stern tones and comments like, "don't make me use the brush" or, "we can skip the warm up." It's all in fun and builds the anticipation and excitement. I have noticed that the more aroused I am, the harder he can spank me and make it feel good. I'm really not into the pain so much as the sensations. Hubby is very good at reading me and giving me what's enjoyable for both of us.
Fanny: My husband and I are also new to spanking. As with Maryann, I am always excited/happy for it to happen, at least in the beginning. Sometimes, it feels so good that I could take it forever. But at other times, I too am begging for mercy after a short time. I have noticed that a warm-up makes a nice difference, but other than that, I’m not sure what it is. Of course, the implement being used is one thing. With two teenagers in the house, noise is a consideration for us, and I have found that all quiet implements are EVIL! (However, we have recently discovered rattan canes, and I'm thinking that with a little practice...?)
I also find that a "mental warm-up" helps. If I have had a chance to anticipate the spanking, it usually feels better than the "Oh, wow, the kids will both be gone for an hour, so hurry up and let’s go" variety.
Thomas: In most cases, regular conditioning has led to a greater tolerance in the bottoms that I've spanked. The only real exception to this pattern that I've noticed is with Cookie, and it's due to one of the medications that she sometimes takes. Whenever she takes it, her sensitivity increases dramatically, causing what would otherwise be a lackluster spanking to almost bring her to tears. However, It’s not as though I've ever used this to my advantage...
Paul: Mood, hormonal cycle, stress level all affect pain tolerance. Of course, after a while, the bottom toughens up. After a few years, Mel rarely bruised or marked.
Liberal use of moisturiser during aftercare keeps the bottom soft and saves the spanker's arm and hand.
Sandy: Oh sure, tease us with chocolate cake that we can't actually eat! What was the question again?
Apple: Definitely, yes, it has changed. My butt and I can stand more spanking – first because of the practice, and second because I simply need and want more.
But I noticed that it can differ from day to day, depending on my mood or lustfulness :)
TheAnnieWithin: My tolerance level changes with my level of surrendered-ness. When I am fully surrendered to my Leiber Meister, I can take whatever it is He wishes to dish out. On the other hand, if I am rebellious in spirit, my tolerance goes down. Since I am not relaxed and in that surrendered state, I believe the way I hold my body, the rigidity of my spirit, makes me break sooner (and that is just what I need!) and soon I am pliable in body and soul once again. Ahhhh, (insert deeply satisfying sigh here...)
Lula: I never gave this question a lot of thought, but there are definitely times when I can take more of a spanking than others. The funny thing is that when I'm not tolerating the 'normal' level and I'm begging for mercy, subsequent spankings aren't as hard. LOL So then, I'm like “harder, harder, bring it on.” I never considered hormones, stress, etc., but I'm sure that has something to do with it!
D: I am amazed on just how much I can take these days. I've always considered myself a bit of a pain "wuss". But since receiving spankings on a regular basis, I now find I can take more.
I think I've even surprised G with how much I can take. Sometimes, when I'm in a particularly bratty mood, I'll blurt out "Is that all you've got??" Which, of course, I immediately regret...
Thank the Universe for aloe!
PS - Thank you for the torte. Chocolate and spankings... can it get any better?
Elle: Yes, I get that too - I attribute it to mood, time of day/night, menstrual cycles, and how recently my last spanking was. Another thing is that I had a much higher tolerance for it with one partner than I ever had before or since. I have no idea why because he wasn't even that special a guy in my life.
Papa Woodie: My precious Annie has become ever more tolerant in our impact adventures. She surprises herself regularly with how much she endures and enjoys. For me, each of these occasions is a moment of joy and amazement. It’s like watching your young child's expressions of overwhelming happiness as they unwrap a much desired, yet unexpected gift. I feel even more pride and love and devotion for her each time.
Her sensitivity, for the 'pain' involved, has decreased only in proportion to the increases of her understanding that the experience is beneficial and cathartic and, often, pure fun.
Our first two or three sessions were brief and fraught with peril. But she came to grasp that it didn't really hurt 'physically' as much as she was 'thinking' it was. The cognitive experiences, initially, were more painful that the epidermal sensations. In talking while I held her afterwards, we likened it to the reactions one has to the old practical joke involving a pan or cup of supposedly scalding water. The brain perceives that the body is about to be splashed with boiling hot water, while in actuality the water is, at most, just lukewarm. Another analogy, also relating to water, is the beach swimmer who feels the water is just too cold, and yet after swimming and playing for a brief while, it hardly seems noticeable.
Accepting that what we do is based in love and caring and compassion allows an entirely new attitude. And that adjustment encourages growth and development and liberation. The changes in sensitivity are the shifts in feeling that the sensations are good verses bad. This isn't to suggest that hurting isn't involved. Rather it’s the process of acknowledging the activity as empowering, helpful, loving, caring, desired, and sometimes even necessary, as opposed to it being demeaning, abusive, childish, harmful, or mean.
Nowadays, she marvels that she hadn't yet felt she's reached her limits, until I've determined that she's had enough... And then she feels it was just exactly enough (and any more would've been too much). For now...
Daisy:Oh, dear... I had thought, as we haven't had that many spankings together, that I wouldn't be able to join in this one. But, upon reflection, I found that if we were doing play spankings, I would get more warm up, and the spanking would build up gradually. In these cases, I could let him carry on all night! If it were for bratting, just "pushing his buttons," as he called it, he would start straight into the nasty hard swats, and I would be squealing in distress almost from the start! But, if it were a REAL punishment, for something I had done which made him cross or upset, and I was genuinely remorseful, I could take a very hard punishment indeed, feeling I truly deserved it, wanting to be punished severely in order to purge the guilt and feel forgiven.
PS: LOVE the cake... I'm on the way over to yours now... LOL
Bonnie: I agree with most of these observations. Here are eight factors that seem to make me more sensitive: (a) spanked too recently, (b) not spanked for a while, (c) not fully aroused, (d) not well warmed up, (e) various hormonal issues, (f) fresh from a warm shower, (g) caught by surprise, and (h) distracted by other concerns.
Thank you to everyone who contributed this week. It is your tremendous insights that make our brunches a continuing success!
Labels:
sensitivity
,
spanking
,
spanko brunch
,
tolerance
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