Our topic was changes in tolerance and sensitivity over time. Here are your thoughts.
Maryann: We are new to spanking, but Max and I have noticed huge variations in sensitivity/tolerance levels. Sometimes, I tease him the whole time. "Is that a mosquito back there?" Other times, I squeal, kick, and beg him to ease up after just a few swats. Since we are new and there is so much variation in what I can take, we decided to adopt "uncle" as a step below the safe word. I can use it when I want the spanking to continue, but I am really not enjoying it because it is just too much. Our spankings are for pleasure, and Max won't meet his goal if I'm miserable. More often than not, I'm begging him for more. Poor guy really can't always guess my tolerance by my mood or my noises. "Uncle" is as much for him as for me.
Honestly, I don't know to what to attribute the variation. So far I've never been given a spanking that I didn't want. My mood when he begins is nearly always happy, excited, turned on, and ready to play. Sometimes, it just hurts like hell, though. I'm grateful for this brunch question. Maybe we'll gain some insight from the other answers.
Natty: The answer is YES. I go through periods where my pain tolerance is very low and other times where I'm a total pain slut. I still haven't figured out why. I was just musing that perhaps it has to do with having to take Coumadin and the ups and downs of my clotting time. Yet I know that doesn't completely explain it.
My other hypothesis is my monthly cycle. But, um, I haven't gathered good data on that one yet. ;-)
Jess: I've heard other people attribute the variation to hormonal cycles. I have to agree. At certain times, I am much less tolerant.
Sometimes, it is a simple explanation: too much play in too short of a time. If we play often in a given week, I get sore and sensitive.
Mary: YES! Sometimes, I am ready for a hard spanking including caning. Other times, I seem to whine from the first moment his hand spanks a bit sharply. I have attributed it to anything from hormones, stress, altitude (I always seem more sensitive in the mountains) and any other excuse I could find. He attributes it to the fact that perhaps I was a bit naughtier than usual. Generally, increased sensitivity is either evidence to him that I really NEED a spanking bad, or that a spanking is LONG overdue. Either way, I don't get much sympathy. On one particular occasion of sensitivity, he just stopped and held me though. It was such a relief. On that occasion, he said he just got the feeling that I needed hugs more than spanks, and so that is what I got. I have to say my partner can be every bit as sweet as he can be stern. Certainly I find him wonderful.
Dr. Ken: Going on past experience and speaking just in very general terms, tolerance levels definitely increase over time. Her bottom seems able to take more, and my palm can deliver a good hard spanking without getting sore. Like anything else, it seems to be a matter of conditioning...
David: One day, I'm spanking Mthc and wondering how she can stand it. But she loves it. The next time, after a few swats, she is telling me to be more gentle with her.
Hermione: My sensitivity has definitely increased over time, in that I am now much more attuned to the delightful sensations that spanking produces. It isn't just pain. It's pleasure, caresses, erotic stimulation and closeness to my partner.
My tolerance to the length and severity of individual spankings has greatly increased too, and that's partly because my bottom has become used to it. The more it is spanked the more it can take. What might have been too painful at one time is now acceptable and even welcome. It's also because I crave more of those delightful sensations that I have discovered.
K: I don't know about conditioning over long periods of time since we don't get frequent opportunities to play. For individual spankings, there are variables that affect what is too much and what isn't. I haven't met an implement I didn't like, but there are a couple that are a bit too intense if they're used too early in the spanking. Early on, those need to be used gently. As the spanking progresses, I can enjoy more of them. It's good that we only spank for pleasure because those are the toys that would get used for non-pleasure spankings. Before a spanking, I may get teased with stern tones and comments like, "don't make me use the brush" or, "we can skip the warm up." It's all in fun and builds the anticipation and excitement. I have noticed that the more aroused I am, the harder he can spank me and make it feel good. I'm really not into the pain so much as the sensations. Hubby is very good at reading me and giving me what's enjoyable for both of us.
Fanny: My husband and I are also new to spanking. As with Maryann, I am always excited/happy for it to happen, at least in the beginning. Sometimes, it feels so good that I could take it forever. But at other times, I too am begging for mercy after a short time. I have noticed that a warm-up makes a nice difference, but other than that, I’m not sure what it is. Of course, the implement being used is one thing. With two teenagers in the house, noise is a consideration for us, and I have found that all quiet implements are EVIL! (However, we have recently discovered rattan canes, and I'm thinking that with a little practice...?)
I also find that a "mental warm-up" helps. If I have had a chance to anticipate the spanking, it usually feels better than the "Oh, wow, the kids will both be gone for an hour, so hurry up and let’s go" variety.
Thomas: In most cases, regular conditioning has led to a greater tolerance in the bottoms that I've spanked. The only real exception to this pattern that I've noticed is with Cookie, and it's due to one of the medications that she sometimes takes. Whenever she takes it, her sensitivity increases dramatically, causing what would otherwise be a lackluster spanking to almost bring her to tears. However, It’s not as though I've ever used this to my advantage...
Paul: Mood, hormonal cycle, stress level all affect pain tolerance. Of course, after a while, the bottom toughens up. After a few years, Mel rarely bruised or marked.
Liberal use of moisturiser during aftercare keeps the bottom soft and saves the spanker's arm and hand.
Sandy: Oh sure, tease us with chocolate cake that we can't actually eat! What was the question again?
Apple: Definitely, yes, it has changed. My butt and I can stand more spanking – first because of the practice, and second because I simply need and want more.
But I noticed that it can differ from day to day, depending on my mood or lustfulness :)
TheAnnieWithin: My tolerance level changes with my level of surrendered-ness. When I am fully surrendered to my Leiber Meister, I can take whatever it is He wishes to dish out. On the other hand, if I am rebellious in spirit, my tolerance goes down. Since I am not relaxed and in that surrendered state, I believe the way I hold my body, the rigidity of my spirit, makes me break sooner (and that is just what I need!) and soon I am pliable in body and soul once again. Ahhhh, (insert deeply satisfying sigh here...)
Lula: I never gave this question a lot of thought, but there are definitely times when I can take more of a spanking than others. The funny thing is that when I'm not tolerating the 'normal' level and I'm begging for mercy, subsequent spankings aren't as hard. LOL So then, I'm like “harder, harder, bring it on.” I never considered hormones, stress, etc., but I'm sure that has something to do with it!
D: I am amazed on just how much I can take these days. I've always considered myself a bit of a pain "wuss". But since receiving spankings on a regular basis, I now find I can take more.
I think I've even surprised G with how much I can take. Sometimes, when I'm in a particularly bratty mood, I'll blurt out "Is that all you've got??" Which, of course, I immediately regret...
Thank the Universe for aloe!
PS - Thank you for the torte. Chocolate and spankings... can it get any better?
Elle: Yes, I get that too - I attribute it to mood, time of day/night, menstrual cycles, and how recently my last spanking was. Another thing is that I had a much higher tolerance for it with one partner than I ever had before or since. I have no idea why because he wasn't even that special a guy in my life.
Papa Woodie: My precious Annie has become ever more tolerant in our impact adventures. She surprises herself regularly with how much she endures and enjoys. For me, each of these occasions is a moment of joy and amazement. It’s like watching your young child's expressions of overwhelming happiness as they unwrap a much desired, yet unexpected gift. I feel even more pride and love and devotion for her each time.
Her sensitivity, for the 'pain' involved, has decreased only in proportion to the increases of her understanding that the experience is beneficial and cathartic and, often, pure fun.
Our first two or three sessions were brief and fraught with peril. But she came to grasp that it didn't really hurt 'physically' as much as she was 'thinking' it was. The cognitive experiences, initially, were more painful that the epidermal sensations. In talking while I held her afterwards, we likened it to the reactions one has to the old practical joke involving a pan or cup of supposedly scalding water. The brain perceives that the body is about to be splashed with boiling hot water, while in actuality the water is, at most, just lukewarm. Another analogy, also relating to water, is the beach swimmer who feels the water is just too cold, and yet after swimming and playing for a brief while, it hardly seems noticeable.
Accepting that what we do is based in love and caring and compassion allows an entirely new attitude. And that adjustment encourages growth and development and liberation. The changes in sensitivity are the shifts in feeling that the sensations are good verses bad. This isn't to suggest that hurting isn't involved. Rather it’s the process of acknowledging the activity as empowering, helpful, loving, caring, desired, and sometimes even necessary, as opposed to it being demeaning, abusive, childish, harmful, or mean.
Nowadays, she marvels that she hadn't yet felt she's reached her limits, until I've determined that she's had enough... And then she feels it was just exactly enough (and any more would've been too much). For now...
Daisy:Oh, dear... I had thought, as we haven't had that many spankings together, that I wouldn't be able to join in this one. But, upon reflection, I found that if we were doing play spankings, I would get more warm up, and the spanking would build up gradually. In these cases, I could let him carry on all night! If it were for bratting, just "pushing his buttons," as he called it, he would start straight into the nasty hard swats, and I would be squealing in distress almost from the start! But, if it were a REAL punishment, for something I had done which made him cross or upset, and I was genuinely remorseful, I could take a very hard punishment indeed, feeling I truly deserved it, wanting to be punished severely in order to purge the guilt and feel forgiven.
PS: LOVE the cake... I'm on the way over to yours now... LOL
Bonnie: I agree with most of these observations. Here are eight factors that seem to make me more sensitive: (a) spanked too recently, (b) not spanked for a while, (c) not fully aroused, (d) not well warmed up, (e) various hormonal issues, (f) fresh from a warm shower, (g) caught by surprise, and (h) distracted by other concerns.
Thank you to everyone who contributed this week. It is your tremendous insights that make our brunches a continuing success!
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