Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 31

Thank you, everyone for a great turnout and a wonderful discussion. Our topic this week was whether spanking is inherently sexual. Here are your thoughts.

Sara: Absolutely, positively, and always. We USE spanking in different ways in our relationship. Whether for fun, stress relief, or punishment, underneath, the sexual aspect of spanking is always there.

Kitten: I have to say yes. Spanking is a huge sexual turn-on and spice in my submissive life! In general, I do crave structure and to have a strong man in my life, but the spanking is an extra bonus which brings me much satisfaction and happiness. :)

Hermione: Yes. It always has been, is now, and I trust always will be a sexual turn-on for me.

Ally: Yes!

Jane: It's short and sweet, but not complicated for me. Absolutely!

Mick: What they said. I can't imagine how it couldn't be.

Love4her: Spankings exist in a purely fantasy realm for me (unless you include self-spanking). It fits in with fantasies of submission to a caring yet dominant woman and includes sexual and sensual elements. The pain, both physical and mental (think scolding) blends with pleasure to heighten the senses.

I would read sexual overtones into even a punishment spanking. Done in love, for my own good and given by the woman who loves me, how could it not be sexy to be corrected and cared for in such an intimate and physical way?

Houston Switch: Yep. Thinking about spankings, getting them and giving them is a HUGE turn-on. On the receiving side, I can get quite worked up so to speak. On the giving side, it is more cerebral. During the giving of the spanking, I don't have much time to get turned on, but before and afterward admiring my handiwork, the turn-on is there. I think spankings can really add to the sexual experience, but if one party is not really into it, then it can spoil the moment...

Welcome, HS!

Spanked Husband: Absolutely, unquestionably, and without doubt it is – whether I'm giving or receiving! What else could it possibly be? I wrote a post about this topic last week.

Rob: It's absolutely sexual. Even if it's for punishment, there's a sexual aspect. The level of intimacy in the entire act is overtly sexual.

Teresa: Regardless of what kind of spanking is given (fun, role play), it always ends with sex. We wouldn't have it any other way!

Ann: It definitely is for me, yes. Even in the few times when I was in a more “just spanking” kind of relationship, I still felt very turned-on. I was just not able or allowed to follow through on those feelings.

Prefectdt: Fantasizing about spanking is definitely a sexual experience, but actual playing, for me, is not.

In past interactions that involved spanking and sex, I have to admit that the sex part was for the benefit of my partner. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the sex part, but I enjoy getting the spanking part, and it's associated high, far more and this was the main point of these interactions for me.

It has always confused me how fantasizing about spanking can be so sex-related whereas, in play, the actual spanking is the point of the exercise as far as I am concerned.

Naomi: Definitely! Even if it's not meant to, it still gives me butterflies from head to toe. I think, like everyone else basically said, it would be hard to have such an intimate, special moment with someone without it having a sexual undertone.

Our Bottoms Burn: Yes, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Daisy: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Although I do not crave the pain, as many seem to, what I need, what I WANT, is to KNOW that my man conquers my strength of mind and body and spirit, and makes me one with him by exerting his control over me! I love to be answerable to him. I am a strong and bossy woman. I like to be in control. Yet the feminine side of me wants to be protected and cared for and to have the burden of responsibility lifted from my shoulders. Spanking does this. I have the control taken from me. His strong, dominant, determination wins out and I melt with desire. Now, what was the question again? Oh... Yes yes yes!

Curtis: It's been sexual for me since second grade, even when I didn't know what sex was. I'm not into punishment and discipline, so there are no complicated feelings. As a spanker, I get aroused by the arousal of my partner. As a spankee, I can gets so aroused that climax occurs. Spanking is at the core of my sexuality, but when accompanied by sex during or afterward, it's doubly satisfying.

R Humphries: For us,spanking is undoubtedly a major component of our sexual identity. But it is more than that. We are not a D/d partnership in terms of a day-to-day master and submissive relationship (although I claim to be the boss). Our play is more often than not theatrical and spontaneously scripted. We can spank without having conventional sex, have conventional sex without spanking, or a combination of both. Nonetheless, there is no question that spanking, which includes, for us at least, conversation, humor and writing, is all inherently sexually-motivated and erotically satisfying.

Elysia: I can't think about spanking and not be sexually aroused. When I am spanked, I want to have some sexual contact afterward. Even if there were not sex, I would be more satisfied sexually than if I'd not been spanked at all. Also, I have a hard time having sex if there is no spanking, or spanking "talk." I am curious whether I can experience the BIG O during a long, drawn out spanking! I hear that it's possible. Yes, spanking, for me, is inherently sexual!

Jam: Spanking has always been sexual foreplay for me. When I was younger, I would wonder what a male's hands would feel like on me, not for sex, but spanking my bottom. Then it would lead into sex. I've been able to cum from reading about spanking, watching various movies with spanking in them, and of course, from being spanked. Spanking for me has always had sexual undertones and I would not change it for the world.

Maggie: I'm going to diverge from the majority here . I wouldn't call it inherently sexual for me. As I grew older, I learned that there could be a sexual element and embraced it. However, at my core, spanking is a comfort thing. I love it for its feeling of safety and attention. It brings me back to simpler, more carefree times after days of dealing with adult situations. So, yes, spanking can definitely be sexual for me, and often is – but not inherently.

Jim: For me, spanking is not inherently sexual. It is inherently erotic. By that, I mean there was a fascination with spanking, way back before I had any clear idea about sex. One might well ask whether dancing inherently sexual. Dancing can lead to sex, but it can also be enjoyed simply for itself. Massage is a similar case.

Ronnie: Absolutely yes, and it always has been. It's a real turn-on for me.

Spank-A-Lot: Unless one is not entirely truthful, I don't see how one would answer "No" to that question. Of course, there could be the possibility that one is unaware of it. That being said, yes. For me, it is true even when sometimes it shouldn't be.

S: Yes, of course it is. Spanking is either sexual or punishment. The latter must be so punishing that the spankee never wants to offend again, so no thrills from that! But on the numerous occasions when D makes me bare and bend my bottom, I am excited before even the first whack lands. I look forward to the 'afters,' when he has raised my bottom to a stinging throbbing heat.

There does not have to be a reason. It's just his whim sometimes, perhaps a forfeit or bet in some game or some supposed misdeed. Nor does the sex have to be immediate. Many times, I have been spanked somewhere where sex is not possible. When I return home, my bottom is glowing beneath my skirt awaiting its reward. Nowadays, sex hardly ever occurs without a spanking first to get things going.

Jim: I have spanked many women and not had sex with them. Neither have I had sex with all the women with whom I enjoy dancing. Let's not confuse the sensuous, and the erotic, with the sexual. They can all work together, like beef, potatoes, and carrots do. Having to eat corrots might be a punishment for some people, but I like 'em!

Jean Marie: Like many previous posters, I have to say that spanking is practically synonymous with my sexuality. It is the core of my sexual self.

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the difficulty inherent with this fact with partnerships. When I came out in college by giving a boyfriend a present of a thick leather belt and wordlessly baring my bottom and bending over his lap, I got my first adult spanking. But I did not magically convert him into the spanko I was. I've had a bubble-butt since puberty, and was used to attention from boys because of it, but I didn't want the big thing worshipped. I wanted it thrashed! That guy in college and several subsequent boyfriends didn't understand this. I felt that they indulged my little quirk, my idiosyncracy of wanting to be spanked. There was a fundamental disconnect. I'll never forget the first boyfriend I had who connected with me through a spanking-related personal ad. I was used to patty-cake sessions of spanks with guys who loved my ass and didn't want to see it bruised. By their standards, I needed it HARD. On our first date, all signals were go. We were attracted to one another and had lots in common, especially the taste for spanking. So I asked him to spank my bare butt hard. His "hard" was ten times more than what I was used to. I remember that spanking hurting more than anything I've ever experienced before or since. But I loved every second of it!

I now only partner with men who are as deeply into spanking as I am, and that is to the marrow of the bone.

Radha: YES! Since we've put spanking on hold through my pregnancy, our sexual intimacy has lessened. I can't wait to return and I just know that it will begin again with a spanking!

Cookie: I would say that it is not always sexual for me. When I ventured into this lifestyle, I didn't even think of spanking as sexual at all, ever. Now, however, there are times when spanking turns me on. But, as others said, this is largely because of the intimacy it brings with the one I love. When I am at parties, my mindset is different. It is not really sexual for me as much as it is fun and playful. When we use spanking for discipline or stress relief, I really don't have any sexual feelings. As I said earlier, it all depends upon my mindset at the time. Spanking can be very sexual or it can be non-sexual for me.

Sunflower: It is decidedly always sexual for me. I remember be so fascinated by passages in books depicting spankings as young as four or five. I didn't know it then, but spanking is now a central element to my sexuality. So yes, it is inherently sexual to me.

Anon: What Sunflower said. Spanking is definitely a key part of my sexuality. In fact, not having a regular sexual partner, I'm quite content with regular spankings from a close friend and don't especially crave sex. That could change, of course, but I doubt the spanking urge will ever go away.

Bonnie: My answer is an absolute, unqualified yes. We can enjoy spanking without lovemaking or lovemaking without spanking, but why would we? The two together create a complete and fulfilling experience.

What a great response! Thanks, everyone.

MBS Spanko Brunch #211

Happy weekend, dear friends! Let's spend some time together and discuss an interesting question.

Our topic this week is hardly original. But it is hot, perhaps in more ways than one. I've seen this issue covered on several blogs recently with widely varying conclusions. Let's see what we think...

Is spanking inherently sexual for you?

So there you have it - short, sweet, and complicated.

To add your voice to our conversation, just post your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance, I will post an edited summary of the proceedings.

In with the New: Mid-Winter Edition

It is my pleasure to present fifteen new members of our blogging community. I invite you to explore these blogs and encourage you to welcome these new friends with supportive comments.

All Ways and Always Blissful Dwelling Place BT's Erotic Fiction Disciplined Doctor Public Spanking Red Tails Spanked Husband Spanking Motivation Spanking My Husband Submissive Bliss Tasha Lee's Kinky Corner The Life and Times of a Single Spankee Thursday Knight Approves This Message 'Till Death Do Us Part WifeSpanks

To all of these newcomers, I hope you have a wonderful blogging experience with lots of engaging readers. If I can be of aid, you know where to find me!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 24

Our question of the week dealt with self-censorship on blogs and in comments. here are your responses.

Todd and Suzy: We both ~try~ to keep things positive. If we're bluntly honest, there are sometimes posts that touch on topics that we're not comfortable with. When that happens, we usually leave no comment at all, which is a type of self-censoring. Or if we do comment, we go out of our way to be gentle in expressing a question or concern. As bloggers ourselves, we realize how much of yourself you put out there, and we don't want to be negative towards someone doing that.

Basically, if we can't say something nice, we don't say anything at all. Otherwise though, we're pretty open and straightforward.

Texringer: Todd and Suzy said it well. The old Southern advice of "if you can't say anything nice..." holds up still.

Sometimes, when something I read really touches a nerve, though, I feel like I need to say something. And then I do sort of self-censor, trying not to come across mean or rude.

Prefectdt: Firstly I would like to thank Mr. Humphries for coming up with such a pertinent question.

I have many rules and guidelines that are used when writing a blog post. There is no way that they could all be explored here, so I will just highlight two of the main ones that are followed on my blog.

1. Pictures of genitalia. These are not banned on my blog and if human parts are just part of the image, that is fine by me. But I try to avoid pictures that are obviously concentrating on genitalia rather than the play or the marks. This is not a holier than thou stance and if others want to post such images, I am OK with that, but I am a non-sex player and I want my blog to reflect that I am viewing our kink from the play side of things rather than the sexual side.


2. When another party is involved in a recollection of actual play, I will not publish that post unless I have the express permission of that party to do so. Whenever possible, I e-mail a draft of the post to the other party first, for their approval, before making the post public. Even after the post has been published, I will (and have, on several occasions) remove the post from the blog, if the other party no longer feels comfortable with it.

As for commenting, it is important to remember that when saying anything jokey or sarcastic, it is impossible for a reader to hear your tone of voice or see your facial when viewing the comment. Smiley faces and things like "LOL" are useful tools in helping to communicate that this is not to be taken too seriously.

BabyMan: Self-censorship is a prominent characteristic of my mental makeup. It is prompted by personal barriers that I have set for myself. It is further refined in most real life situations because of pre-conceived notions of what others might think is proper, particularly for a minister. I'm okay with that and generally stay true to it. As a result, it carries over into most of my blog posts. I like that.

Funny, I was just telling a group last week how I would love the preach a profanity-laced sermon. They said it would freak them out.

But blog anonymity also has its benefits. Ever now and then, I can break through the self-censorship barrier I set for myself and, without the "refining" barriers of others, say something that is profoundly real and true in an really wild and crazy way. I like that.

BTW, when commenting on a post, it's "nice or nothing."

R Humphries: My question resulted from a couple of recent comments/criticisms that I have received from readers. The first comment related to the use of three words or phrases in my books and the stories I publish on my blog, specifically ‘beating,’ ‘thrashing’ and ‘public flogging.’ When I first started writing my saga, I constructed a style of writing that combines the vernacular of 1930’s books and comics set in British public (private) schools with modern language, slang and idioms. These phrases were used routinely in the books that influenced my chosen writing style and I must admit that until it was pointed out to me, I never really considered the darker overtones and connotations they might have.

I discussed this subject extensively with My Beloved Jojo and we concluded that as I had developed a particular style, it should be obvious to the reader that the context in which the phrases are used relates to controlled corporal punishment and has nothing whatsoever to do with the use of physical or abusive violence. So I decided to keep them in the books.

The second comment was a complaint that in my stories the characters occasionally use swear words. As a writer, I try to create characters with some depth of personality and some degree of reality including their speech patterns. I don’t use profanities extensively and I find it quite natural that the characters should occasionally resort to cussing.

Obviously, as a writer, I do not want to offend or ostracize my audience. At the same time, I feel that if I incorporated these comments/criticisms, it would radically alter the flavor of my stories and the essence of the characters. I would be interested to hear comments or opinions from the guests at this wide and quite diverse forum.

Indy: In my still limited experience as a blogger, the main way I censor myself is to avoid topics that are too revealing of my vanilla life.

I've exercised similar care in comment sections for years now, occasionally writing the blogger if I wanted to continue the discussion privately – usually to explain why a particular opinion might seem surprisingly strong. Quite a few lovely friendships have started that way, and that's beginning to happen with my own blog, too.

In most other ways, I censor myself very little on my own blog. My style of blogging isn't designed to pull in a large audience, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I hope none of my friends feel bad if they're utterly uninterested in most of my posts!

If someone features prominently in a post, I, like Prefectdt, ask permission before going public. That's a matter of simple courtesy. Similarly, while I'm not afraid to make controversial statements, I try pretty hard to do so respectfully. I welcome disagreement, but greatly value civility.

When it comes to making comments on other blogs, I'm more careful. It isn't always exactly self-censorship, because it doesn't occur to me to write something discouraging or overly negative, especially not when I don't "know" the blogger well. Basically, it's say something supportive or move on to the next blog,

I also try to keep my comments in line with the tone of the blog on which I'm commenting. For example, I'm quite aware that I enjoy discussions – some might say arguments – much more than the average woman. I try to hold that in check unless a know a blogger – and the community surrounding the blog – pretty well. Or if someone else starts it and I can't hold back. :-) On blogs like MBS that serve such a valuable function in bringing the entire community together, it wouldn't feel appropriate to sow dissent.

Luna: As a blogger, I do censor the content on my blog, but not a lot. My blog is a personal reflection place for me. It's somewhere I can work out how things are going, how I'm feeling and where I am headed. It can be raw and emotional sometimes. I don't tend to share a lot of pictures and those I do are approved by Master. I'm not secretive as to who I am and there is a picture of me in the header as well as avatar I use everywhere. We are active in the public scene and have no fear of discovery.

I don't detail out playtime any more, but I like to casually mention it and my feelings about it after it happens. Appropriateness has nothing to do with it for me since it has been my personal space for years. What isn't appropriate is with holding anything I need to get out.

As a commenter, I don't leave comments unless I have something valuable to add. I'm not known to leave one sentence "I like that!" remarks. If that's all I feel about the post then I will read it and move on. I like to provide my opinion in positive or quizzical ways. This may get the person thinking about their post some more. I think that comes from my desire to help people learn more about who they are.

Burl Apsack: Nice or Nothing says it all for me.

Poppy: I try not to talk about real life as in the day-to-day stuff that we all do. Everyone gets fed up with bad traffic or the washing up or whatever. I find I don't want to read that somewhere (unless someone can make it funny or a learning experience). I try to be positive. If I am very sad, I might say so, but I will post as soon as I can afterward to say something upbeat. I always presume my readers are clever and do not need a lecture. And nothing ever, ever to do with children because somehow it could end up being misconstrued and yuck.

When I comment, I am polite and that is it. I have learned that if I think something is very wrong, just not to comment on it. It doesn't help anyone and I am not in charge of the internet.

And I don't swear because someone (mentioning no names) would be most strict about it. I have no problem with swearing in a story as long as it was in line with the story. I have had to take someone's blog off my site (in the update bits) as he kept using really bad swear words in the headings of posts and it just made me feel a bit tense. So I suppose that was me censoring my blog a bit. I did not say anything to the blogger. He is a clever man and knows he was using swear words and it is none of my business if those are the words he wants to use.

I think most internet censorship should be self-censorship. If you do not like what you read, then you need to click on. Obviously, the exception to that would be the involvement of unwilling people and I won't go on about that as I am sure we are all in agreement.

Katia: With my own blog, I am not censored. When leaving a comment, like most, I try to be positive.

Keagen: Todd and Suzy said it well straight from the beginning. Be nice or be quiet. In both posting and commenting, I try to be sensitive to all viewpoints, even if I don't exactly understand it myself. I'm not afraid to be clear on what I think, though.

I do actively avoid sexual overtones on my blog. I don't like pictures that are erotic in nature, I don't like stories with sex, and I can't stand distasteful language involving parts of the body, or spanking, or TTWD. People deserve respect, and that includes ideas involving the human body.

I'm not afraid to touch normally "taboo" subjects, but I try to careful when I'm doing so.

I censor day-to-day life, quite a bit. I tell things like they are, but no one wants to hear about the wreck over on the interstate and how long it took me to get home, unless it is pertinent information. I use my blog to share ideas, stances, where I am in life, and lessons learned. It's blunt, honest, open, and me.

Hermione: As others have already said, I try to make my comments positive and to keep them brief. If I feel I must express an opinion that is an opposing point of view, I do so in a respectful and tactful way. I prefer to be cautious. More than once, a comment of mine has been used as fodder for a subsequent post and I'd prefer that to be a good experience rather than an uncomfortable one for me.

Like Indy, I tailor my comments to the individual blog. On ones where I have established a friendship with the blogger, I will be a bit more casual and playful than on a blog where I am not as well known.

Like Prefectdt, I have clear guidelines for posts. My posts are, for the most part, intended to be light-hearted and to reflect in some way on TTWD. Only rarely do I address off-topic or serious subjects. I restrict details of my personal life to those related to spanking, and I reveal them in an upbeat way. Into every life some rain must fall, but I won't inflict those thunderstorms on my readers. It goes without saying that I carefully exclude details that might reveal my identity.

I also dislike explicit sexual material – either in words or pictures – and rarely include either. I'd rather leave details to the reader's imagination.

As a reader, I tend to gravitate toward blogs with which I can identify in some way. While I prefer those blogs that are most like my own, I enjoy a wide variety of blogs written from many different perspectives. I tend to stay away from those with too much violence or sexual explicitness.

Anon: I try to convey ideas that help others in this sphere of intimate activity. It is isn't helpful, at least in theory, or looks like it will be harmful, I self-censor. Further, I try to make suggestions that enhance, and not detract from the bond between a couple. Anything else would not be responsible on my part. Similarly, if I am reading something that strikes me as out of line, I simply skip over it. That allows for freedom of speech on the part of an author. It allows allows me to exercise a very important part of free speech. The freedom to ignore things I feel should not have been written.

Love4her: I do not have a blog. I’ve thought about it, but doubt I have time. I do comment from time to time and, not being one to use profanity, the only real self-censorship I engage in is to try to keep my post on topic.

I have a myriad of fantasies and more than my share of fetishes. When posting comments, I try not to inject things I enjoy that may not be topical to the particular blog. After all, a “spanking site” is a spanking site, not a “spanking while being driven around by a midget while in the back seat naked except for wearing peanut butter on your nipples and licking your wife’s feet in heels” site. I have not found that one yet.

PK: I try to speak the same on on my site and in comments as I would when face-to-face with someone. Obviously, the subject matter is somewhat different. But basically I chose to be polite in what I post and in comments. The only censoring I do on my site, other than being polite myself, is that if anyone leaves a comment that is unkind to another (not about something I've written, but unkind to a third party) I will always remove it. I won't allow someone to use my site to hurt others.


Bonnie: I conduct myself pretty much the same on the blog as off. I strive to be positive and supportive. There are enough negative influences in this world without me adding to them. So, yes, there are some things I just don't say.

There are certain vulgar four letter words (no, not that one) that I find offensive. I don't use them and I would prefer that others not do so on my blog, especially when the usage is derogatory. I tend to think those words are for people who are not otherwise capable of expressing themselves.

At the same time, I believe that even overtly sexual content can be appropriate if it is presented artistically and with style. There are a few subjects I will not touch (children, non-consensual, extreme), but almost any other relevant topic is welcome here, so long as it is approached tastefully.

When commenting on other blogs, I imagine that I am visiting a friend's home. They set the tone and define what is acceptable. Like any good guest, I seek to stay within these bounds.

Jai: I'm going with the majority on this one, nice or nothing. If I read something that I don't like or find distasteful, then I don't comment on it, and I probably won't go back to that particular blog again for awhile.

I don't mention names. Some blogs are bad for that and it's a bit ridiculous. Blogs aren't for airing dirty laundry and slander. If I have an issue with someone in the scene, I rarely discuss it on my blog or if I do mention it, it is without naming names.

And, I actually think that a blog that is simply just spanking-themed can get a bit boring, so I discuss other issues. But I do always keep in mind that it is a blog set up to attract other spankos.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insight. I hope you'll join us again next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #210

Hello again, my friends. Our topic this time was suggested by our colleague, Mr Humphries.

When composing blog posts or commenting on blogs, do you self-censor your content? If so, how do you define what is and is not appropriate? As a reader, what standards, if any, do you apply?

To join our conversation, just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 17

This week, we considered these four propositions related to submission:

1. It's always been a fascinating paradox that I get what I most desire when I surrender my control.


2. Submission is not an all or nothing proposition. There are many ways to submit and many degrees of submission for each.


3. It requires considerable courage and faith to submit. Once established, these qualities are often quite beneficial in other aspects of life.


4. Everyone who willingly receives a spanking is submitting at some level.

Here are your responses.

Sara: Great questions, Bonnie! I answered over on my blog.

Jean Marie: Oh, my, these questions are deliciously thought-provoking!

1. I am headstrong. I hate to be spanked hard. I need to be spanked hard often. I love the feeling afterward! That's my paradox, so question one's phrasing spoke right to me.


2. I say yes to question two. Different strokes for different folks, but that being said, I've often come home from a hard day's work to find my boyfriend ordering me over his knee. Before I went ass over tea kettle/bottoms up, I would have sworn that I hadn't an ounce of energy left in me. After he's through, I'm left renewed, relaxed, and revitalized. Sometimes, that turns into a marathon session of discipline/love-making, and in the morning, I feel like I got a full nine hours of sleep. So sometimes it IS all or nothing.


3. The word "trust" should be added to question three's wording, and I agree wholeheartedly.


4. I don't see how anyone could disagree with number four. If you are willing receiving it, you're submitting. I willingly submit to playful foreplay spankings. Part of me willingly submits when I bend over for painful punishment spankings. It is just shades along the spectrum.

Little One:

1. I am not sure that I understand the paradox and not sure I would even want to try. All I know is that when I surrender life runs smoothly and when I try to run it (life), it all gets a bit bumpy


2. That is something I am still learning. Quite truthfully, I thank goodness for the internet because it has broadened my world more than I could have imagined. I never realized that there were folks who only like spanking and not (what I considered the whole package) D/s.


3. This is definitely a lesson I am STILL learning, but submission is a quiet strength that can and will bring peace and joy in every day life, both BDSM and vanilla.


4. I keep thinking (over this bit) "duhhhh." Obviously! BUT then is it obvious to those who only receive a spanking once in a while? I am thinking they may not see it that way, and might even get a wee bit angry to see submit and spank in the same sentence. But yeah, I believe there is a form of submission even in an occasional spanking.

Love4her:

1. If “surrender my control” means to give up desiring what it seems I can not have and being happy with what I do have, then yes. The desire for what I think I want (kinks) can seem to almost torment me at times and make me very disgusted, dissatisfied and empty, even given all I do have. When I can stop and look at all that is right and realize you can’t have it all, I feel pretty good.


2. This I agree with wholly. There are many things I would like to submit to and a lot I would want nothing to do with. I want to submit with limits. Perhaps that is not submitting, but topping from the bottom. I suppose a lover who was intimately in tune with my desires and kinks would have my pleasure in mind along with hers. In this case, I would submit totally. There would be no script, just totally improvisation. Trust me, I don’t have to worry at this point with my wife.


3. For me, I think this statement is reversed. I think one's courage to submit and faith that the person to whom they submit will respect the relationship and them, come from qualities that are beneficial in other aspects of life, specifically the relationship between the dom and the sub. These qualities include trust, honesty, love and commitment. I would not want to submit to someone outside of those bounds. One could choose to pay for a session of submission with a professional mistress, or find a community of like-minded people without their spouse, but not me. I would much rather share this intimate part of myself and literally give myself to my wife, the one I love and one who loves me in return. It could be all sex play or go as far as domestic discipline. But it would be the two of us.
   
   I feel closest to my wife when I am confessing some desire, some kinky and taboo desire. I am laying myself bare, seeking her approval, and requesting her willingness to play along and be part of something that is special and unique about me. I am not sure whether she appreciates the level of trust it takes to share like that.


4. This too, I agree with. You submit, but when it gets to stinging, you might wonder why the hell you did it. But it feels so good to give up control, to be dominated, and to have someone else decide when “enough is enough” or when it is not and you need more.

Sunflower: These are very thought-provoking questions this week, Bonnie! My take is a bit different. I am a spanko who is still very much in the discovery stages. I haven't yet received a "real" spanking, though happily, my boyfriend and I are talking about it. It looks like we're going to be getting there fairly shortly!

1. I haven't found this one to be true. As someone still taking baby steps (and leading my partner in those steps), I still have a lot of control, out of necessity. I hope I will find this to be true in my relationship in the future.


2. I definitely agree! A safeword, for one thing, is a degree.


3. Yes, yes, yes! Even with the few small steps I've taken, I can see how it's affecting other parts of my life beneficially.


4. I would agree with this one. To willingly get your ass smacked is a submissive move. Depending on the relationship, that might be the extent of it. But it is, in and of itself, an act of submission.

(PS I've commented before as anonymous, but I've now chosen to use the moniker "Sunflower" on my blog commenting – a small step out of the woodwork!)

Welcome, Sunflower! I'm glad you're here.

Hermione: I agree with all four statements.

1. This was the hardest of the four points to answer. For me, I think it has a lot to do with my husband's tendency to do the opposite of what I want. As long as I try to be in control and call the shots, he resists. When I let him take charge, things usually resolve to my satisfaction. Once the struggle for control is eliminated, he is more receptive to my point of view.


2. That's true. There are many types of relationship dynamics possible, ranging from total submission and absolute obedience to token obedience if and when it suits, and everything in between. It depends on what works for an individual couple. The type of submission may also vary from day to day depending upon the circumstances.


3. I have definitely seen the benefit of submission in all parts of our relationship. Once I freely and consistently adopted a submissive attitude, I began to receive the respect, trust and admiration that I had always hoped for.


4. The act of baring one's bottom and undergoing a spanking is by its nature a submissive act. The fact that the spanking is exciting and that the receiver craves it, enjoys it and is turned on by it does not lessen this fact. Submission is simply part of the parcel.

Anon: I want to key in on the levels of submission, and a technique that clearly communicates the present level of desire/need. It does so without the mood-kill of having to verbally articulate extent in order to get both partners on the same wave length. When she needs or wants a spanking my woman wears panties coded by color to how hard and long it is to be (i.e. light pink, light swats. Red, harder. Dark red, even more severe. Deep crimson, a real marathon). When I feel the need to spank her, or observe she deserves it, I hand her a pair of panties. Again, they are colored to the mood and type of session deemed necessary and/or desirable. This sets the stage without the embarrassment or discomfort of having to go into expositions about length and severity. As always, both partners must agree. This builds trust, promotes communication and avoids abuse. Boundaries are a shifting sands scenario. Trust is King. It is obtained, developed and retained by comfortable communication. Without trust, there can be no intimacy of any type.

Jslittlelady: This was a very interesting topic and it really made me think about things. I agree especially with numbers 1, 3, and 4.

1. I wrote a whole post on number one. Here's my paradox that hit me like a brick. Surrendering power and control through submission is empowering and brings me to a place where I am so much more in control of my surroundings.


2. Number two is true for me to a point when compared with everyone else. But I can't say this about myself. I'm either all submissive or not submissive at all. I can't be submissive by physically obeying, but not obeying in my heart.


3. I think point three is a huge absolute. It says all it needs to say, all by itself.


4. I think the answer to question #4 is related to point number two, I can bend over for a spanking, but until my heart and attitude are submissive, I usually can't stop fighting. When I do stop, then I've finally been truly submissive. It may not be that way for everyone. It's just that way for me in my experiences.

Prefectdt: Here are my answers:

1. Yes, I agree. The paradox is most acute because for me to submit, the Top has to have my wholehearted consent. By giving up control to her, I am getting what I want. But the situation can only happen because I have total control over the "yes or no" as to whether the play happens in the first place.


2. Oh yes, just looking at the people who have commented here, we see subs, bottoms, and slaves. The varieties of submissiveness are boundless and can alter as play partners change or for those in an exclusive partnership, evolve as their play and relationship progress.


3. This one is where the male and female subs and bottoms differ. There are very few women who could stop me from walking away from a play scene if it where going badly. Therefore, I am able to take a few more risks when choosing a play partner. For a woman, their partner may be physically more able, so they have to have a greater level of faith in a partner before they play. They might therefore develop a greater sense of courage and faith than a male sub or bottom would.


4. Yes we all are.

Mija: This is an interesting topic. Okay, let's try this then.

1. Yes, but I've been jaded enough not to be surprised by this. I am always pleased to remember how much my partner is into this as well. It's good to know it's not just all about me.
   
2. I do agree that submission can be a matter of degree. For me, though, it is all or nothing. I don't have headspace for semi-submission. That said, I'm not submissive all that often with anyone other than P.


3. I'm not sure. I think trust is important, but it as well as courage has to go both ways. I don't really see the issue of "faith" coming into it at all for me.


4. I disagree strongly. There are plenty of people who are sensation players, including those who are tops or masters, who like the sensation of receiving a spanking. I've watched bottoms / submissives and slaves give a spanking to their other half at that person's direction. The spanking in these cases is a personal service, IMO. The person receiving the spanking in those circumstances is no more "submitting" than I "submit" to the woman who gives me a pedicure every other week.
   
   In a pinch, I've spanked friends and they've spanked me because one or the other of us has wanted a spanking. There hasn't been submission there, at least not so I noticed, at all. It's been all about the physical act. I don't believe someone can submit unless there's someone on the top side to submit to. Otherwise, as a kid, I submitted to myself when I solo spanked.
   
   I think the word "submission" has to mean something more than just receiving a physical sensation. It's an act of surrendering the self to another. Just for myself, I've bottomed to a number of people, but submitted only to a very few.

Bonnie: I'm pleased that everyone enjoyed responding to these thoughts. The first was a line I wrote in an e-mail to a friend. It thought it nicely illustrated the point I was trying to make. The second item was inspired by one of Keagen's recent essays on submission. I continue to be impressed by her unique insight.

The third point targets a phenomenon I have observed in myself for many years. I was curious to see the extent to which others had similar experiences. I thought the fourth topic might provide for some spirited discussion. For many of us who routinely blend spanking with submission, it seems an obvious conclusion almost to the point of being unavoidable. And yet, as Mija reminds us, there are other equally valid viewpoints.

I have to conclude that there are nearly as many successful formulas as there are successful couples. When it comes to submission, we must each strive to develop or discover our own perfect mix.

MBS Spanko Brunch #209

Welcome back to our spanko brunch. We gather here each week to consider a different aspect of our favorite pastime.

Back in the early days of this blog, a friend asked me if I could write a tutorial about submission. My first thought was, "That's a great idea. Some readers would probably find it helpful." Soon afterward, though, I realized that there are few absolutes when it comes to submission. It is a very individual sort of experience.

Even so, I believe there is benefit in sharing our respective realities. I never wrote that tutorial, but perhaps all of us working together can shed some light on the subject of submission.

Here are four thoughts. Do you agree? Why or why not?

1. It's always been a fascinating paradox that I get what I most desire when I surrender my control.


2. Submission is not an all or nothing proposition. There are many ways to submit and many degrees of submission for each.


3. It requires considerable courage and faith to submit. Once established, these qualities are often quite beneficial in other aspects of life.


4. Everyone who willingly receives a spanking is submitting at some level.

So what do you think? I invite you to share your views in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.

Big Bottom Benefits

Reading this article makes me feel so much better! :D

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 10

Our topic this week was the role of location and culture on our spanking interests and preferences. I really didn't intend to uncork the nature-versus-nurture genie, but so be it. Thanks, everyone, for another great discussion.

Jean Marie: For me, it's just the opposite! I fantasized about being spanked from age five or so, but it never was at home. I grew up in the Midwest where I saw a girl in my second grade class paddled in front of the whole class (fully clothed). I was so afraid that everyone could see my naked desire. LOL! Then a girl moved into my neighborhood when I was in the seventh grade and we became friends. Her daddy spanked her and her older sister for any wrongdoings. I was over at their house when her fifteen year old sister was spanked in her parents' bedroom with the door open. I fixated on that for a long time, but I had to wait until I went away to college to get my bottom spanked for the very first time. So it wasn't in my immediate environment, but spanking was around.

Richard Windsor: The question I have always pondered is whether spanking is a learned behaviour or genetic? I know that isn't the answer you seek, but I believe that spanking interest is genetic and can only be enhanced by environment.

The town that I grew up in (Swindon) was a London overspill town. New factories and jobs were created and new housing projects built. Families were lured away from London to start anew, or to maintain their jobs if their company moved to the developing town. These new estates were built up of working class families and a mindset of traditional house values.

While I believe that my spanking proclivity is genetic, it was most certainly enhanced by the area where I grew up. During the 1970's, almost everyone I knew was spanked. Boy or girl, this was the natural consequence of misbehaviour. Schools practiced corporal punishment, comics depicted kids getting spanked all the time, and if someone got spanked, you didn't bat an eyelid. You were just thankful it wasn't you. In fact, you never mentioned to your own family if you were punished at school or one of the neighbours clipped you around the ear, because you would get it twice as hard at home.

In later life, certain aspects of my childhood played a part in developing my spankohood. These aspects were so powerful that they contribute to what I consider a perfect scene. There were incidents from my childhood where I either witnessed or heard of a girl getting spanked. These images are so powerful in my memory that any one mere aspect can make or break a perfect scene for me. This even translates to spanking pictures on the Internet, clothing, angles and demeanor of the players involved.

While I believe that spanking is a part of my genetic makeup, I do believe that growing up in the environment that I did heavily contributed to my feelings towards the activity. That fact is probably as simple as "You misbehave, you get spanked." But on a deeper level, most of the scenes in which I take part are in some fashion comparable to the place where I grew up, spankings I witnessed or experiences shared with me. The ideal scenes for me would be recreations from when I was a young man. That can be as simple as what a girl is wearing to the words spoken to the young lady who is about to be spanked. I certainly miss the days of the half slip, all of the schoolgirls of my day wore them :-)

S.N.M.: My spanking fetish was probably affected in some way by the fact that I was spanked as a kid. However, I strongly believe that I would have developed it (or something like it) either way.

In terms of culture, I think my paddle fascination is probably owed to my American nationality. However, since my spankoness has become increasingly molded by what I see online. The idea of the cane or switch is gradually starting to grow on me.

Nalgas Rositas: In our circle of Mexican friends and family, spanking is a matter of life. As Richard said, if you misbehave, you get spanked. That's all there is to it!

I didn't grow up around spanking, though. I was never spanked, and even though both of my good friends were, it was never really talked about. I sure did find the whole idea fascinating though!

It wasn't until I met my husband, and was introduced to his culture, that I became almost fixated on spanking! The men are so damned manly, and the women so submissive. I've seen the dominance/submission taken to dangerous levels, but for the most part, it results in a beautiful marriage. It's easy to fantasize about the spankings that might go on behind closed doors! :)

I think the whole spanking "kink" is something that you are just born with. However, certain factors/environments/cultures probably help to determine the extent to which you take the kink. :)

The implement of choice is definitely the belt or the chancla (slipper/sandal). "Me quito la chancla!?" ;) (Should I take my sandal off)

Maggie: I was actually exposed to both cultures you mentioned. I was born and raised in a British territory, but to a family whose roots are Southern. All of my friends and the environment were very British, but at the end of the day, I came home to an family blasting Garth Brooks and Charlie Daniels.

Despite all my experiences with the Brits, I tend to be a cozy OTK hand/hairbrush/strap-loving spankee reminiscent of a Southern family, as opposed to the stereotypical rigidity of English canings. So I would say that while location and the cultural environment play a part, family culture played a much bigger role for me.

That said, growing up I heard much more about canings from my friends than I ever did about paddlings. I guess that is why I don't have strong feelings either way about the paddle, but I do like the cane.

Michael: I certainly grew up in a culture of corporal punishment in the UK. My schooldays (1965-73) were ones where the teachers took a slipper to you and the head and deputy head caned you for more serious infractions. Even the prefects could slipper you in their prefects' room.

I trace my keen interest in spanking back to those events and then to a spanking I received from an Aunt (for being rude) and one from a female cousin at the age of 13 when she was about 15. This last was on a boring Sunday afternoon when our parents were out at a pub and she caught me smoking in the garage. It was more playful than punishment, but boy, did it go my head (and my groin). I think that she still remembers it because, for cousins, we seem to get on rather well when we meet at family occasions.

So for me, it is a cultural thing, enhanced by the fact that a magazine called Janus came out when I was about 15. That publication set me off and I have never looked back. If only the internet had been around when I was in my twenties!

Ken: I grew up in Scotland where the tawse was the predominant instrument used for punishment, although in schools, it was generally referred to simply as the belt, and the one for which it is best known.

I do reflect the stereotype in a way as it remains my favourite implement to receive. This is, I think, because it brings back some memories from my school days.

Daisy: The cane was often used at my school. I was terrified of doing wrong. I WAS A GOODY TWO SHOES!

I was never punished at school. At home, there was the threat of punishment and an odd smack, but mostly, we were just told off or yelled at!

I don't know at what point I began to see it as sexy. It was probably around the age of 17 or 18. I watched a film called the Iron Maiden where a lady was spanked for being a brat and for almost wrecking the traction engine! I thought it was really sexy for a man to be so macho.... and a spanko was born!

Hermione: The implements that were in common use during my childhood were straps and rulers. Every teacher was equipped with a wooden ruler and – if the occasion warranted it – would use it on an unruly pupil's hands while the rest of the class watched. The principal had a leather strap for serous offenses, and would administer it in the privacy of his or her office.

These implements were also used in homes. Often a belt or ruler would be set aside for the sole purpose of discipline, and would hang in a prominent place.

Ron and I grew up in different parts of Canada, each with its own distinct cultural identity, but we both have similar memories, so these methods of punishment were common practice at that time. It's probably not surprising that I have a strong affinity for belts as well as other leather implements, and keep a wooden ruler on my desk at work as my own private joke.

Our Bottoms Burn: I think you have the spanking gene or not. If you do, it can be enhanced by environment. It makes sense to me that if an implement was in common use around you in your formative years, it could become a favorite as an adult.

Becall and I both grew up in the South. Switches and belts were commonly used at home and paddles at school. She was only punished at home and has an affinity for leather. I was mostly punished at school and prefer wooden paddles.

Six of the Best: Since I spent my youthful years in England, I loved seeing and hearing about naughty girls and adult women being disciplined by the birchrod or cane. Yes, corporal punishment has always been called the 'English Vice' and I loved being part of it.

Poppy: I am a Brit through and through, but (I can't believe I am saying this) I have a someone in my life who speaks with an American accent and it just makes my knees shake in the best way when he tells me off. I hate it, but I hate it in the best way.

And (I am hoping this can just be between you and me) when he looks down at me with blue eyes and slips his belt through the loops on his jeans, I can hardly look at him. But I remember it in my head for nights and nights afterward.

So I think this British girl (who does get the cane on occasion) has rather been affected by an American.

Eliane: I grew up in the era where corporal punishment in schools was mostly coming to an end (it was banned when I was 10). However, I am still very much influenced by the "culture" of England in that the cane is the implement that holds the most pull of my psyche, by far. A paddle, say, does very little for me.

R Humphries: This is a very interesting question and one that fascinates me. Unquestionably, my own spanking predilections are a product of my upbringing and education in London during the latter part of the sixties and early seventies. As Richard Windsor points out, spanking and caning were commonplace for both sexes (although the punishment of girls was generally more discrete, more the pity for RH). I often joke with Jojo that I am a relic of the last bastion of the great British cane generation.

I was brought up in a relatively spank-free home. That’s not to say you didn’t get an occasional clip around the lughole, but almost all my early experiences happened at school. Considering the schools I attended were basically non-denominational, they had more rituals that the Anglican High Church and the Roman Catholics put together. I found the pure theatrics that often accompanied corporal punishment fascinating, intriguing and titillating. There is no question that those experiences molded and continue to be the prime drivers behind my personal spanko id.

I agree that we are probably born with a genetic inclination towards spanking. As early as I can remember, I was always attracted to the last panel of the Saturday morning comics where the main protagonist always ended up getting a spanking and the many descriptions of punishments that appeared in books of that era.

I was first inspired to write spanking stories after I overheard my best friend’s sister being spanked. Although I did not witness the actual spanking, it was delivered behind closed doors, I shall never forget the angry, defiant, probably quite embarrassed look on her face when she was forced to join the family for supper. I later learned (from her) that she had been caned several times at school. While she did not share the gory details with me, she did impart enough information to provide me a shed-load of erotic fantasies for future use as a writer.

Over the years, I have acquired quite a collection of canes, straps, paddles, switches, straps and, of course, numerous kitchen utensils. We tend to mix it up quite a bit, but if I had to take just one instrument with me to a desert island ,I’m sure it would be a cane.

Jim: I cannot for the life of me see how a kink for spanking could be "genetic" (Could be my MmedSci getting in the way). Perhaps those who hold that view can explain?

Anyroad, I grew up where and when naughty boys and girls were very, very, likely to finish up getting their seats soundly spanked.

The common instruments of correction were the teacher's (size 11) stinging plimsoll and the pliable, swishy cane. Those are the fetish objects that thrill me still (both to give and to receive).

As I moved through adolescence, the spiky feminine qualities of the hairbrush enthralled me. Straps are for Scots, and were mostly used on the hands. Paddles are for Americans, and are just a plank of wood – with no erotic connotations for me.

Ronnie: The cane was used a lot in the UK for punishment, a lot in public schools and especially at boys' schools.

We didn't have the cane for punishment in my school, but I know it was used at some of my friends' schools. I wasn't spanked at all as a child. My parents didn't believe in spanking as a punishment.

So, my answer to the question of the influence of culture and location is that I think it must influence us a great deal. Although I never experienced it, I nevertheless had a curiosity about spanking even before I was introduced to it. Since then, it's been love-hate, with the balance possibly weighing slightly more on the love side more recently.

Tina: I think fantasies have a lot to do with what one has seen (or often not seen, but only read) as a child. I always used to get very excited when I read about the little hero getting a spanking in kid's books. My fantasies today are clearly influenced by all of my "experience" (as said: from reading). I like belts, and if necessary, canes, I like my thighs to be hit, and that happened to the hero in a book that I can still vaguely recall. My greatest turn on is slaps in the face. And the only time I remember I ever got hit by a parent was when my dad slapped me (once, and not hard) at the age of about twelve. I jumped onto his lap, and I think the hour after that slap was about the only hour ever I felt my love for him (in childhood, I mean. I am better at that now). Crazy and weird.

Anon: Nature or Nurture? Does it really matter? Why not celebrate the interest, and try new things?

Love4her: Grandma (from Missouri) used a switch and would make my mom and her brother go out and cut one for her to use on them. So I have heard. One of our families friends from NY was always chasing her kids with a wooden spoon when I was growing up. I only remember getting the belt from my mom a few times as a kid. The formative thing I remember was a particular scolding and accompanying spanking with a belt that was given within earshot and with the knowledge of a neighbor and her daughter that was a few years older than I. This, I think, set me on the road to be a spanko and gave me a kink for submission to lovely dominate women. I only wish I could have more fun with it now as an adult.

Willy: My experience is very limited, because I was never spanked in either home or school. However, I self-spanked at an early age, so I'm inclined to think I was born with the urge.

As an adult, I've fantasized about spanking endlessly, and self-spanked. But I never had a spanko relationship, regrettably. My fantasy is hand spanking because it's so personal, and because I have no experience giving a spanking or using implements.

Curtis: I think that for me, spanking being at the core of my sexuality was genetic and was evoked for the first time when a pretty second grade teacher picked up a classmate at the end of the school day, put him over one knee while leaning against a wall and gave him a birthday spanking which I felt in my loins.

It as enhanced by virtue of it being all around us, as parents, aunts, etc. all spanked. It was in comics, movies and literature. I came to understand that I was not alone when a neighbor girl whose skirt I pulled up and whose bottom I spanked came to my house regularly for more. Then there was the music teacher who tended to bring classroom discussion around to spanking. She listened to her students' experiences and once allowed how spanking was "fun." On the other hand, I don't think it's genetic for all. I've introduced many a lass to spanking who had never thought of it before but whose bottom was an erogenous zone.

Maggie: Here's a quick response to Jim:

The idea of spanking being genetic has always intrigued me, to the point that I brought up the topic on my blog. The response from comments and e-mails supported the idea that the spanking kink could very well be genetic. A bunch of people noted that at least one other person in their families were definitely into it, be it a sibling, their parents, or children. But that doesn't at all mean that there aren't various sources for the kink.

Jim: I have left a comment at your lovely blog, Maggie. Let me just add here this thought:

I speak English. My wife speaks English. My eldest daughter speaks English. My youngest daughter speaks English and German. We don't have to go searching our family tree for German ancestry to explain why my daughter is fluent in German. She knows German because a) She learned some at school, and b) She moved to Germany a couple of years ago.

It is the above contingent facts, rather than genetics, that explains why she speaks German and the rest of the family does not. Of course, genes contribute to the acquisition of language. But you don't even need a larynx or working ears. A healthy dopamine system and (crucially!) a means of communication with intelligent others, are the environmental requirements.

I believe that my kink for spanking is a contingent acquirement. Given different contingencies, my sexuality would have developed otherwise. But you know what? I like things just the way they are!

Val: Two implements, the belt and the switch, were prevalent in the environment where I grew up (Central Europe). I saw or heard them being used on buddies and their sisters. I also heard stories. In my family, it was the switch or the "stick" (that would be a thin cane today). The belt, however, was most popular.

Were today's preferences influenced by those early inputs? Probably. I will go for a switch when practical, or build a birch whenever feasible, usually for myself. Otherwise, I will prefer the rattan cane. Lately, I find myself more and more making leather implements, albeit they are more along the "whip" idea.

Now I am living in the USA, the paddle and its derivatives still leave me cold (Unless occasionally used on me, which will make me very hot locally, but that is punishment, for this is how my disciplinarian would use the paddle, hairbrush, ruler, and so on).

The kink is broad. Consider this: my disciplinarian had no direct or related spanking experience until adulthood. We grew up in the same city, nearly same neighborhood, and our respective families were from close areas of the country, but today prefers to receive the paddle, but most of all, the hand.

My conclusion is that at least 60% of the preference is acquired from some type of sensation. Hence, we pick and prefer the implement that delivers that sensation.

Bonnie: I didn't foresee the whole nature-versus-nurture debate, but it IS an interesting question. While I doubt there is a spanko gene per se, I believe that submissiveness may well be a successfully evolutionary strategy.

I was raised in the US heartland where spankings were prevalent and the implements of choice were the paddle and the hairbrush. For years, Randy and I played almost exclusively with these percussive weapons. Only in recent years, specifically since we discovered the internet, has our punitive palette expanded.

Thanks and see you next week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #208

Hello again, my friends! I'm glad you stopped by for brunch. It's been said that we are the product of all we've experienced. This simple proposition is the inspiration for our question of the week.

We've all heard stereotypes such "The paddle is popular in the Southern US," or "Many British spanking enthusiasts are fond of canings." Obviously, such statements greatly oversimplify a complex subject. However, there may be some generalizations that are valid.

To what extent would you attribute your spanking interests and preferences to the culture and location where you live (or lived)?

To answer our question and join the discussion, just enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.

In with the New: Fresh Decade Edition

Sometimes change can be positive. So it is with our latest batch of fourteen excellent new spanking-oriented blogs. I hope you will investigate these sites and welcome the bloggers to our community.

Accountomax's House Alicia Panettiere Feels Like Happy Giselle1980's Blog La Mujer de las Nalgas Rosas Lottie's Spanking Place Naughty Boy Percussion Chic's DD Babble Pineconeswife's Blog Rich Spankman's Adventures Satisfying Second Life Speaking Barbie The Looking Pond With this Paddle, I Thee Wed

I wish each of you a wonderful blogging experience with lots of engaging readers. If I can be of aid, you know where to find me!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 3

Our topic this week was changes we recommend. Here are your thoughts.

Jslittlelady: We're fairly new and it's really easy to get distracted and busy, but I'm determined to keep us on track by keeping up on my blog, reading others more and then discussing things with J. This keeps it at the forefront of our minds and keeps us open to each other. Since we're so new, we really haven't tried too much yet. We're experimenting with implements and we've talked about doing it more for fun and experimenting with location because we've pretty much used spanking for DD rather than for play. I'm sure it's nothing new, but that's what we're doing.

Welcome, Jslittlelady! I'm glad you joined us. Any relevant experience is new to someone and therefore worthy of mention.

Daisy: Davey and I have still not been able to actually BE together yet (despite our first wedding anniversary looming in three months time, we have not been in the same country since our honeymoon!). As a result, it's rather difficult to be moving on/making alterations to our spank-life!

In order for your spankings to evolve/become more effective, you have to be able to participate! I will be interested in reading all the replies, however, so we can "hit the ground running" when we ARE together!

PK: I want to speak to the women just coming out, just realizing themselves that they want to try a DD marriage. Many of us thought about this for years before we brought it up to our husbands. It can get downright annoying when they don't jump on it right away. I think many men are taken completely by surprise. Where many of them are willing to try spanking to spark up the old sex life, many don't really understand the whole DD concept and they are very hesitant. This can lead to misunderstandings and sometimes hurt feelings.

I think we need to give men the chance to get used to what we are telling them. Even though some of us emotionally crave discipline (being cared for), we need to let our men explore spanking in whatever way they need to get comfortable with it. Then, hopefully, we can gradually explain some of what we need. Maybe we get tired of the word 'communicate,' but it can't be said enough. It's the most important thing we can do whether we spank for fun, as erotic play or for discipline. Keep talking!

Poppy: My tip would be that words matter. They set the tone. The man in my life knows this and it makes a huge difference. If he wants me to be sorry for something, then he could spank me until Tuesday with no impact. He has to make that mental link and then I am all his.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): If you think that you would like to be spanked, but have never tried it, then make 2010 the year you ASK your partner to spank you.

It's all about communicating your desires. So ask.

Hermione: The best advice I have received from my readers that I would like to pass along to yours, is to talk to your partner about what you would like. When done in a friendly, positive, upbeat and non-judgmental way, the results can be amazing. It sometimes isn't easy to talk about spanking, and it takes practice, but it gets easier each time, and is well worth the effort.

I have also discovered that treating a spanking less seriously and being able to laugh and joke about it - before, after, and especially during one - makes it more fun for both of us, and draws us closer together.

Katia: My advice for couples starting a new DD relationship is don't try to base yours upon what other couples practice. It causes regrets and expectations that will only frustrate you. Just let it take its course. DD relationships are unique, and eventually will form to suit the specific couple.

Prefectdt: As I do not have a regular spanking partner and it can often be a few months between spankings, I have instituted a program of self-spanking. I do not enjoy this, but it keeps the old hide in condition and ready for a real spanking. I recommend this practice to anyone who has to wait a long time between spankings, like myself. A spanking after two or three months of not being touched at all can be difficult to take and the self-spanking takes the shock out of the real events.

Jean Marie: Spankings are enjoyable, effective, a part of our lives as is. No embellishment is needed. Now, as has been continually said, open communication is essential. To put Tabasco sauce on an already spicy dish, a new implement or gadget is always fun. We had gravitated away from anal play in our spanking fun recently, so the Christmas gift of a string of anal beads was much appreciated inspiration.

My advice would be like Nike: "Just Do It." Or like they advise in Kentucky about elections, "Do it early and often."

I hear that theory is also popular in Chicago

Our Bottoms Burn: What Hermione said. I could not improve on her words.

Ronnie: By talking more about spanking, better communication has brought about more experimentation, different implements and harder spankings.

It's much better when each person knows how far the other wants to go or is prepared to experiment. There are sensations that we would have otherwise missed out on. I now know that would have been a great pity.

Anon #1: What does the title of your blog mean? I am sure it is some kind of play on words and I know that a good joke should not be explained, but for the benefit of your foreign readers, would you be so kind to enlighten us?

Welcome! My Bottom Smarts is actually a quadruple entendre. Bottom can mean either the part of the anatomy on which one sits or someone who is submissive. Smarts can refer to either a residual discomfort or knowledge gained through experience. Any of the four permutations describes what one might find on the blog.

Anon #2: I suggest a whole wonderful week of spankings - morning and night - yum!

Dr. Ken: The biggest change I would make is to actually GET a spanking partner this year!

Bonnie: I like all of the answers regarding communication, play, experimentation, patience, laughing, and practice, practice, practice. My response, though, is similar to Katia's. I regularly hear from readers who ask detailed questions about how Randy and I handle various situations. I'm glad to share our experience, but I advise couples that their chances of success will be much higher if they discover and refine their own formula. Every person and every relationship is different. There is no solution that is “right,” except perhaps in the context of one couple's lives.

Thanks to everyone who joined us for brunch! See you next week.

MBS Spanko Brunch #207

Happy New Year, dear friends. I'm glad you stopped by for the first brunch of 2010. In past years, we've talked about resolutions. I think it might be interesting to adopt a slightly different approach this time.

At the dawn of a new decade, is there one change that you have made that you would recommend to MBS readers? Specifically, how have you (and/or your partner) made spankings more effective, more enjoyable, or more a part of your lives? Are there any related tips you can offer?

To join the discussion, just read the comments below and then enter your own. Once everyone has spoken, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.