Monday, January 04, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 3

Our topic this week was changes we recommend. Here are your thoughts.

Jslittlelady: We're fairly new and it's really easy to get distracted and busy, but I'm determined to keep us on track by keeping up on my blog, reading others more and then discussing things with J. This keeps it at the forefront of our minds and keeps us open to each other. Since we're so new, we really haven't tried too much yet. We're experimenting with implements and we've talked about doing it more for fun and experimenting with location because we've pretty much used spanking for DD rather than for play. I'm sure it's nothing new, but that's what we're doing.

Welcome, Jslittlelady! I'm glad you joined us. Any relevant experience is new to someone and therefore worthy of mention.

Daisy: Davey and I have still not been able to actually BE together yet (despite our first wedding anniversary looming in three months time, we have not been in the same country since our honeymoon!). As a result, it's rather difficult to be moving on/making alterations to our spank-life!

In order for your spankings to evolve/become more effective, you have to be able to participate! I will be interested in reading all the replies, however, so we can "hit the ground running" when we ARE together!

PK: I want to speak to the women just coming out, just realizing themselves that they want to try a DD marriage. Many of us thought about this for years before we brought it up to our husbands. It can get downright annoying when they don't jump on it right away. I think many men are taken completely by surprise. Where many of them are willing to try spanking to spark up the old sex life, many don't really understand the whole DD concept and they are very hesitant. This can lead to misunderstandings and sometimes hurt feelings.

I think we need to give men the chance to get used to what we are telling them. Even though some of us emotionally crave discipline (being cared for), we need to let our men explore spanking in whatever way they need to get comfortable with it. Then, hopefully, we can gradually explain some of what we need. Maybe we get tired of the word 'communicate,' but it can't be said enough. It's the most important thing we can do whether we spank for fun, as erotic play or for discipline. Keep talking!

Poppy: My tip would be that words matter. They set the tone. The man in my life knows this and it makes a huge difference. If he wants me to be sorry for something, then he could spank me until Tuesday with no impact. He has to make that mental link and then I am all his.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): If you think that you would like to be spanked, but have never tried it, then make 2010 the year you ASK your partner to spank you.

It's all about communicating your desires. So ask.

Hermione: The best advice I have received from my readers that I would like to pass along to yours, is to talk to your partner about what you would like. When done in a friendly, positive, upbeat and non-judgmental way, the results can be amazing. It sometimes isn't easy to talk about spanking, and it takes practice, but it gets easier each time, and is well worth the effort.

I have also discovered that treating a spanking less seriously and being able to laugh and joke about it - before, after, and especially during one - makes it more fun for both of us, and draws us closer together.

Katia: My advice for couples starting a new DD relationship is don't try to base yours upon what other couples practice. It causes regrets and expectations that will only frustrate you. Just let it take its course. DD relationships are unique, and eventually will form to suit the specific couple.

Prefectdt: As I do not have a regular spanking partner and it can often be a few months between spankings, I have instituted a program of self-spanking. I do not enjoy this, but it keeps the old hide in condition and ready for a real spanking. I recommend this practice to anyone who has to wait a long time between spankings, like myself. A spanking after two or three months of not being touched at all can be difficult to take and the self-spanking takes the shock out of the real events.

Jean Marie: Spankings are enjoyable, effective, a part of our lives as is. No embellishment is needed. Now, as has been continually said, open communication is essential. To put Tabasco sauce on an already spicy dish, a new implement or gadget is always fun. We had gravitated away from anal play in our spanking fun recently, so the Christmas gift of a string of anal beads was much appreciated inspiration.

My advice would be like Nike: "Just Do It." Or like they advise in Kentucky about elections, "Do it early and often."

I hear that theory is also popular in Chicago

Our Bottoms Burn: What Hermione said. I could not improve on her words.

Ronnie: By talking more about spanking, better communication has brought about more experimentation, different implements and harder spankings.

It's much better when each person knows how far the other wants to go or is prepared to experiment. There are sensations that we would have otherwise missed out on. I now know that would have been a great pity.

Anon #1: What does the title of your blog mean? I am sure it is some kind of play on words and I know that a good joke should not be explained, but for the benefit of your foreign readers, would you be so kind to enlighten us?

Welcome! My Bottom Smarts is actually a quadruple entendre. Bottom can mean either the part of the anatomy on which one sits or someone who is submissive. Smarts can refer to either a residual discomfort or knowledge gained through experience. Any of the four permutations describes what one might find on the blog.

Anon #2: I suggest a whole wonderful week of spankings - morning and night - yum!

Dr. Ken: The biggest change I would make is to actually GET a spanking partner this year!

Bonnie: I like all of the answers regarding communication, play, experimentation, patience, laughing, and practice, practice, practice. My response, though, is similar to Katia's. I regularly hear from readers who ask detailed questions about how Randy and I handle various situations. I'm glad to share our experience, but I advise couples that their chances of success will be much higher if they discover and refine their own formula. Every person and every relationship is different. There is no solution that is “right,” except perhaps in the context of one couple's lives.

Thanks to everyone who joined us for brunch! See you next week.

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