Sunday, January 31, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Jan 31

Thank you, everyone for a great turnout and a wonderful discussion. Our topic this week was whether spanking is inherently sexual. Here are your thoughts.

Sara: Absolutely, positively, and always. We USE spanking in different ways in our relationship. Whether for fun, stress relief, or punishment, underneath, the sexual aspect of spanking is always there.

Kitten: I have to say yes. Spanking is a huge sexual turn-on and spice in my submissive life! In general, I do crave structure and to have a strong man in my life, but the spanking is an extra bonus which brings me much satisfaction and happiness. :)

Hermione: Yes. It always has been, is now, and I trust always will be a sexual turn-on for me.

Ally: Yes!

Jane: It's short and sweet, but not complicated for me. Absolutely!

Mick: What they said. I can't imagine how it couldn't be.

Love4her: Spankings exist in a purely fantasy realm for me (unless you include self-spanking). It fits in with fantasies of submission to a caring yet dominant woman and includes sexual and sensual elements. The pain, both physical and mental (think scolding) blends with pleasure to heighten the senses.

I would read sexual overtones into even a punishment spanking. Done in love, for my own good and given by the woman who loves me, how could it not be sexy to be corrected and cared for in such an intimate and physical way?

Houston Switch: Yep. Thinking about spankings, getting them and giving them is a HUGE turn-on. On the receiving side, I can get quite worked up so to speak. On the giving side, it is more cerebral. During the giving of the spanking, I don't have much time to get turned on, but before and afterward admiring my handiwork, the turn-on is there. I think spankings can really add to the sexual experience, but if one party is not really into it, then it can spoil the moment...

Welcome, HS!

Spanked Husband: Absolutely, unquestionably, and without doubt it is – whether I'm giving or receiving! What else could it possibly be? I wrote a post about this topic last week.

Rob: It's absolutely sexual. Even if it's for punishment, there's a sexual aspect. The level of intimacy in the entire act is overtly sexual.

Teresa: Regardless of what kind of spanking is given (fun, role play), it always ends with sex. We wouldn't have it any other way!

Ann: It definitely is for me, yes. Even in the few times when I was in a more “just spanking” kind of relationship, I still felt very turned-on. I was just not able or allowed to follow through on those feelings.

Prefectdt: Fantasizing about spanking is definitely a sexual experience, but actual playing, for me, is not.

In past interactions that involved spanking and sex, I have to admit that the sex part was for the benefit of my partner. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the sex part, but I enjoy getting the spanking part, and it's associated high, far more and this was the main point of these interactions for me.

It has always confused me how fantasizing about spanking can be so sex-related whereas, in play, the actual spanking is the point of the exercise as far as I am concerned.

Naomi: Definitely! Even if it's not meant to, it still gives me butterflies from head to toe. I think, like everyone else basically said, it would be hard to have such an intimate, special moment with someone without it having a sexual undertone.

Our Bottoms Burn: Yes, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Daisy: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Although I do not crave the pain, as many seem to, what I need, what I WANT, is to KNOW that my man conquers my strength of mind and body and spirit, and makes me one with him by exerting his control over me! I love to be answerable to him. I am a strong and bossy woman. I like to be in control. Yet the feminine side of me wants to be protected and cared for and to have the burden of responsibility lifted from my shoulders. Spanking does this. I have the control taken from me. His strong, dominant, determination wins out and I melt with desire. Now, what was the question again? Oh... Yes yes yes!

Curtis: It's been sexual for me since second grade, even when I didn't know what sex was. I'm not into punishment and discipline, so there are no complicated feelings. As a spanker, I get aroused by the arousal of my partner. As a spankee, I can gets so aroused that climax occurs. Spanking is at the core of my sexuality, but when accompanied by sex during or afterward, it's doubly satisfying.

R Humphries: For us,spanking is undoubtedly a major component of our sexual identity. But it is more than that. We are not a D/d partnership in terms of a day-to-day master and submissive relationship (although I claim to be the boss). Our play is more often than not theatrical and spontaneously scripted. We can spank without having conventional sex, have conventional sex without spanking, or a combination of both. Nonetheless, there is no question that spanking, which includes, for us at least, conversation, humor and writing, is all inherently sexually-motivated and erotically satisfying.

Elysia: I can't think about spanking and not be sexually aroused. When I am spanked, I want to have some sexual contact afterward. Even if there were not sex, I would be more satisfied sexually than if I'd not been spanked at all. Also, I have a hard time having sex if there is no spanking, or spanking "talk." I am curious whether I can experience the BIG O during a long, drawn out spanking! I hear that it's possible. Yes, spanking, for me, is inherently sexual!

Jam: Spanking has always been sexual foreplay for me. When I was younger, I would wonder what a male's hands would feel like on me, not for sex, but spanking my bottom. Then it would lead into sex. I've been able to cum from reading about spanking, watching various movies with spanking in them, and of course, from being spanked. Spanking for me has always had sexual undertones and I would not change it for the world.

Maggie: I'm going to diverge from the majority here . I wouldn't call it inherently sexual for me. As I grew older, I learned that there could be a sexual element and embraced it. However, at my core, spanking is a comfort thing. I love it for its feeling of safety and attention. It brings me back to simpler, more carefree times after days of dealing with adult situations. So, yes, spanking can definitely be sexual for me, and often is – but not inherently.

Jim: For me, spanking is not inherently sexual. It is inherently erotic. By that, I mean there was a fascination with spanking, way back before I had any clear idea about sex. One might well ask whether dancing inherently sexual. Dancing can lead to sex, but it can also be enjoyed simply for itself. Massage is a similar case.

Ronnie: Absolutely yes, and it always has been. It's a real turn-on for me.

Spank-A-Lot: Unless one is not entirely truthful, I don't see how one would answer "No" to that question. Of course, there could be the possibility that one is unaware of it. That being said, yes. For me, it is true even when sometimes it shouldn't be.

S: Yes, of course it is. Spanking is either sexual or punishment. The latter must be so punishing that the spankee never wants to offend again, so no thrills from that! But on the numerous occasions when D makes me bare and bend my bottom, I am excited before even the first whack lands. I look forward to the 'afters,' when he has raised my bottom to a stinging throbbing heat.

There does not have to be a reason. It's just his whim sometimes, perhaps a forfeit or bet in some game or some supposed misdeed. Nor does the sex have to be immediate. Many times, I have been spanked somewhere where sex is not possible. When I return home, my bottom is glowing beneath my skirt awaiting its reward. Nowadays, sex hardly ever occurs without a spanking first to get things going.

Jim: I have spanked many women and not had sex with them. Neither have I had sex with all the women with whom I enjoy dancing. Let's not confuse the sensuous, and the erotic, with the sexual. They can all work together, like beef, potatoes, and carrots do. Having to eat corrots might be a punishment for some people, but I like 'em!

Jean Marie: Like many previous posters, I have to say that spanking is practically synonymous with my sexuality. It is the core of my sexual self.

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the difficulty inherent with this fact with partnerships. When I came out in college by giving a boyfriend a present of a thick leather belt and wordlessly baring my bottom and bending over his lap, I got my first adult spanking. But I did not magically convert him into the spanko I was. I've had a bubble-butt since puberty, and was used to attention from boys because of it, but I didn't want the big thing worshipped. I wanted it thrashed! That guy in college and several subsequent boyfriends didn't understand this. I felt that they indulged my little quirk, my idiosyncracy of wanting to be spanked. There was a fundamental disconnect. I'll never forget the first boyfriend I had who connected with me through a spanking-related personal ad. I was used to patty-cake sessions of spanks with guys who loved my ass and didn't want to see it bruised. By their standards, I needed it HARD. On our first date, all signals were go. We were attracted to one another and had lots in common, especially the taste for spanking. So I asked him to spank my bare butt hard. His "hard" was ten times more than what I was used to. I remember that spanking hurting more than anything I've ever experienced before or since. But I loved every second of it!

I now only partner with men who are as deeply into spanking as I am, and that is to the marrow of the bone.

Radha: YES! Since we've put spanking on hold through my pregnancy, our sexual intimacy has lessened. I can't wait to return and I just know that it will begin again with a spanking!

Cookie: I would say that it is not always sexual for me. When I ventured into this lifestyle, I didn't even think of spanking as sexual at all, ever. Now, however, there are times when spanking turns me on. But, as others said, this is largely because of the intimacy it brings with the one I love. When I am at parties, my mindset is different. It is not really sexual for me as much as it is fun and playful. When we use spanking for discipline or stress relief, I really don't have any sexual feelings. As I said earlier, it all depends upon my mindset at the time. Spanking can be very sexual or it can be non-sexual for me.

Sunflower: It is decidedly always sexual for me. I remember be so fascinated by passages in books depicting spankings as young as four or five. I didn't know it then, but spanking is now a central element to my sexuality. So yes, it is inherently sexual to me.

Anon: What Sunflower said. Spanking is definitely a key part of my sexuality. In fact, not having a regular sexual partner, I'm quite content with regular spankings from a close friend and don't especially crave sex. That could change, of course, but I doubt the spanking urge will ever go away.

Bonnie: My answer is an absolute, unqualified yes. We can enjoy spanking without lovemaking or lovemaking without spanking, but why would we? The two together create a complete and fulfilling experience.

What a great response! Thanks, everyone.

1 comment :

the wench said...

This discussion was inspiring. Thank you Bonnie and all of your friends.

Leather Love
by patty Feb 3, 2010

by patty, copyright Feb. 3, 2010

Take down those pants
Said he with intent
My bottom flesh prickled
I soon would be bent

My heart skipped a beat
His hand slipped his belt
My bottom now bare
Exposure I felt

Lean over the couch
His order was firm
Obeying his will
Made parts of me squirm

He wasted no time
He knew of my need
A bottom well striped
For thoughts of misdeed

And soon my hips heaved
Quite grateful for fire
He made sure to lay
On stripes I desire

You’re getting it long
He warned me to stay
I’d better not dare
Mistake this as play

Just as I once asked
He spanked me past pain
It let loose so much
My center regained

And true to his word
My bare bottom burned
Uncountable strokes
My attitude turned

Once again softened
I turned to his arms
My tension annealed
By his leather’s charms

A kiss and wiped tears
His trousers join mine
Back over the couch
Our shared needs entwine

His thighs kiss the burn
My spanked flesh emits
His deep thrusting proves
That everything fits

What stress binds in knots
Is quite nicely solved
When spanking and love
And sex are involved

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