Potpourri

This is either a post about nothing in particular or about six posts in one. I'll let you choose.

This post is #1100 for MBS. That isn't a particularly noteworthy milestone, but it does seem like a lot of words. Every once in a while, a reader tells me that they have read the entire blog. It makes me tired to even consider such an endeavor, but I have to appreciate their devotion and tenacity!

I was pleased by the excellent turnout and great responses at brunch. I knew, based upon a previous poll, that many readers were concerned about maintaining their security and privacy on the internet. I felt as though their worry was legitimate, but not proportionate. As our brunch crew confirmed, with the aid of a few reasonable safeguards, blogging can be safe.

So, for those who yearn to be a spanko blogger, the door is open and the welcome mat is out. We'd love to hear your exciting stories, thoughtful poems, midnight inspirations, and random musings.

Speaking of which, I've had the pleasure of talking with a number of great new spanking bloggers lately. Our community truly has something for every spanking enthusiast! I encourage you to investigate some blogs you haven't visited before. I wouldn't be surprised if you discover a new favorite.

Back in the first year of this blog, I had a feature called the Spankologue. Basically, I would introduce three or four spanking blogs every week and provide brief descriptions. I am considering reviving this idea in some form. There are some truly excellent blogs that just don't get much traffic. I worry that these bloggers will grow tired of feeling as though they are writing for no one.

A friend asked me a question recently for which I don't have an answer. The subject is a diabetic spankee. Specifically, should she limit her play and if so, in what ways? What special health and safety considerations apply? If anyone has knowledge in this area, please let me know and I will pass it on.

I enjoyed the discussion about links. About 90% of the readers who answered the poll thought that 282 links was not too many. Presumably, the current count of 287 is also all right. This verdict backs up both past survey results and my decidedly unscientific impressions of e-mail on the topic.

There was a lot of interest in organizing the links. I concur, but I haven't devised a scheme better than the simplistic and labor-intensive one I currently use. What I would really like is what I had for a couple of years before the Blogrolling service spontaneously disintegrated. I would like an alphabetized list that is easy to maintain and shows when a blog has been recently updated.

As it happens, Blogger provides just such a facility. Unfortunately, I cannot use it without upgrading my ancient template. This change would force me to basically rebuild the page contents. This task and even a remote prospect of losing nearly four years of content are enough to scare me off.

For the time being, at least, I plan to continue with the status quo.

Have I ever mentioned that I really like a good hard spanking? I did? OK, never mind...

Dante published a very interesting post recently about attracting readers to a blog. I like his suggestions and recommend his article. But my viewpoint is slightly different. In terms of building a readership, getting people in the door for the first time is the easy part. The bigger challenge is to keep them coming back again and again. The three best strategies here are content, content, and content. Readers like quality features that are on topic and refreshed regularly.

Thomas recently touched the proverbial third rail of adult blogging. We all know, but few of us ever discuss the reality that there are underage readers. I salute his courage for taking on this touchy topic.

I suppose I could try to mitigate my complicity by observing that nothing here at MBS is obscene. There are no photographs of naked people copulating, or doing anything else for that matter. The tutorials are intended to keep people out of trouble and not lure them into it. Even the risque stories depict people who love and care about one another. The descriptions are no more graphic than those found in many romance novels.

But that's a cop-out. These are kids we're discussing. In many cases, they are not ready for adult conversations, no matter how constructive they may be.

Parental controls are too easily circumvented. Censorship is far worse than the problem we seek to address. Kids are unable to police themselves. So what can we do? I think the ultimate responsibility falls upon parents. Just as in the real world, parents need to know where their children are going online and with whom. As with every relationship, there is no substitute for talking.

OK, here's the hard part. If you're underage and reading this, please know that this place is not for you. It's not that we don't care about you. In fact, it's precisely the opposite. It's OK that you have sexual feelings. Everyone does. At this stage of your life, the best way to deal with those feelings is to talk about them with someone responsible. If some of the details are too embarrassing, then leave those out for now. But by all means, find an adult you trust and confide in them. Most likely, they will tell you that the way you feel is normal and just part of becoming a man or woman. Above all, please be safe. Your future is too important to sacrifice for a momentary thrill.

On a lighter note, a man e-mailed me yesterday wanting to know whether he could “enterview” me. My first thought was, “No, that's Randy's domain.” My second thought was, “Anyone who can't spell a common word isn't likely to get my story straight.” Next, I wondered whether this person was not a native English speaker and perhaps made a simple mistake. Finally, I decided that since we're going on vacation in a few days, I don't have time for an enterview right now.

Yes, we're taking a vacation. We have tickets for a summer theater festival. No B&B accommodation this time though. The walls are way too thin! So if things seem a little quiet around MBS, fear not. We're still spanking.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 26

I knew this would be a popular topic and generate plenty of good suggestions. However, I was still surprised by the number and quality of responses we received. I am grateful to everyone who contributed.

Burl Apsack: My suggestion is that the new blogger pay close attention to the tutorials that can be found on this blog.

Jay: When I started my blog, I was very naive. I've only been going a short while, but there are safety and security issues.

I never use real names... not even mine. If I put up a picture, I make sure I cannot be identified. I don't put full details on my blog. Some things are just for me to know, not the whole world.

Of course, I am still learning, but I love my blog. It's fun and very therapeutic.

Florida Dom: I wouldn't worry about it because if a person isn't interested in spanking in the first place, what are the odds that they'd ever find these blogs.

But you can start by not using real names or pictures with faces showing.

But what I find interesting is that younger bloggers tend to have fewer concerns about privacy and post photos of themselves, especially on Fetlife.

Anon #1: My strongest recommendation is the same as for any sort of internet "shoot self in foot with mouth" concerns. Put in the name of e-mail recipients LAST, and reread twice anything that may be even remotely controversial. E-mails and internet postings go too fast and too far to allow your reputation to be hurt by accidentally hitting the enter key too quickly. Most e-mail problems start out with an e-mail going out before it is well thought out.

Todd and Suzy: This is a question/concern we hear often hear. Here are three basic tips.

1. Don't use any part of your real name. You need to guard your last name for obvious reasons. But, even your first name can create search engine hits. Type "Todd and Suzy" into Google, and you ~quickly~ find us. It's no biggie in our case, because we don't risk anything but embarrassment. We figure that if family comes snooping, they get what they get.


2. Create a kink-only e-mail account. Have the regular work and/or family e-mail accounts for those people to use. Then also have a kink/spanko e-mail account for your spanking interests and blog. You can even then have a fun spanko name (Suzy is SpankableSuzy@yahoo.com, for example). Never-ever mix the e-mails. The reasons are obvious. But if you don't understand, Google up your e-mail address.


3. Don't get too specific in "public." We live "in Florida" or "near Gainesville." We only share the name of our small town with friends who need to know. We also don't post our son's name, his school, etc... You don't have to be too crazy about it, just use common sense about details that could be tracked back to you through a Google search (for example, someone could pretty easily type our son's name and his high school into a search engine... and we don't want that leading back to our spanking blog).

I will also add that keeping kink stuff on just one computer, in one 'hidden' area of that computer, is helpful for those who have privacy issues at home. Again, common sense applies (don't post face pictures, or pictures that show your living room in detail, etc.). Basically, though, ~avoid~ vanilla Google searches leading back to your spanking blog. That's the main thing.

I won't promise that doing these things is "100% safe." Nothing is, including just visiting spanking sites. But, these basic tips cover around 99.9% in our opinion. The spanking community is actually rather small when compared to the internet. You really do have to LOOK for it, and then once there, it is large enough that you again have to look for a specific blog or site. The odds of stumbling into a single blog are extremely small.

Angie: And remember people, this is for your safety.

Think to yourself, 'can my heart really take the shock if I discover that my parents or in-laws were cruising spanking sites, and discovered mine by accident?'

Ronnie: I'm quite surprised at that number. We all have these concerns.

Never use real name or the names of your family, pets, or where you live. Post no pictures of yourself where you can be identified. Have a different e-mail account for your blog. Password everything.

Nothing is 100% safe, just be careful what you post.

Hermione: I agree with the other suggestions that have been made. As Todd said, reasonable care is just plain common sense. I picked a Harry Potter theme for our names, and that's made using pseudonyms quite easy. The downside is that the Potter theme - as well as some posts I have written on other topics - have attracted some vanilla readers. I am careful not to reveal locations, workplace information or anything else that might identify me or make me findable. (If you knew our dogs' real names and breed, you'd easily find us through Google.)

I don't make up the things I write about, but I do change minor details so that an accidental reader wouldn't recognize the situation I am describing if it happened outside our home. Changing he to she is an example, and of course I always use pseudonyms for anyone else I write about.

A separate e-mail account for spanking communications and comments is a must. But make sure that you don't use your real name in any part of the account. Send a test e-mail to yourself to make sure your real name doesn't show up somewhere it shouldn't.

Besides blogging, it pays to be careful when communicating through e-mail. Unless you know the person very well, and have a reasonable comfort level, be just as stingy with personal information as you would on your blog.

Matt: Before setting up your new e-mail account and creating your blog, install the TOR Browser Bundle for Windows available here.

Use the TOR Browser for all of your 'naughty' stuff and your regular browser for everything else. With TOR, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for anyone to link anything you do or say to your home IP address.

Sara: I endorse all of the above AND do not set up anything like a Facebook account with information that intersects with your name, blog name, e-mail, etc. I think most of us are kind and considerate and don't want to expose you anymore than they want to be exposed. But it just takes one nut to cause trouble! Being careful from the getgo lessens the stress immensely. I have found that writing a blog is really rewarding in all sorts of ways. I have met people from within the DD/spanko community who have become real friends. None of that would have happened had I not taken the risk. I am glad I did, and yet I want to be in control of who I expose myself to, and so I try to be very careful.

K: There has been lots of good advice already. I only have one thing to add. Never visit any naughty sites, especially your own, while there is anyone in the house you don't want to know. This may seem obvious, but it's worth mentioning. Even if they are in other rooms and couldn't care less what you're doing, it only takes a split second to view something on your screen as they walk by. Wanna know how I learned this one? :P

Ashley J: There is a lot of great advice here, but the one thing I would add is this. Don't let your desire to make new friends compromise your privacy by sharing information you aren't completely comfortable sharing. As a fundamental rule, if anything you are about to share either in your blog or directly with another person (I.e via e-mail or IM) gives you the slightest bit of pause, then stop and don't share it until you've had time to think it through.

Anon #2: Here are my suggestions:

1. Don't use real names.


2. Don't use real names.


3. Have an extra email account JUST for your blogging persona, and don't have any passwords in common.


4. Don't use real names.


5. Occasionally throw in false details when blogging about your life, to make your position on the map more ambiguous.


6. Don't use real names.

Maryann: I understand all of the advice given so far except the one about not attracting vanilla readers. How do I do that or avoid it?

Maryann, you want to avoid linking vanilla sites and, if necessary, ask them not to link you. You can also try to avoid using terms that will cause your blog to show up on vanilla search engine requests. Hermione's comment about Harry Potter is a good example.

DWC Jim: I just wanted to add that K made an excellent point. One glance, even by a child and you are busted forever. I would also say don't leave computer unattended to go to the restroom, kitchen, etc. If you get distracted and someone sees, you can't get it back. Beside the embarrassment factor, there are jobs and more on the line, so you have to be careful.

Meow: I keep one web browser for guest use on the desktop of my laptop, for when I travel. The browser I use for all the spanko stuff is hidden in a folder. I think you can limit the search engine visibility of your blog in some of the Blogger settings, but I'm not sure how that works. Maybe someone more knowledgeable could expand on that. It might discourage casual searchers?

Bottomsup: The world of "on-line" is a mysterious, scary place for me. My rules are never use your real anything: name, birthday, home town... I even use disposable e-mail addresses if one is required.

little one: When I first started blogging, I was very conscious of protecting my anonymity. I rarely, if ever, had any pictures of myself or talked about family or work.

As time went by and The Journey became more and more about who and what I was, the security and protections slowly disappeared... Until May, when my version of where in the world is waldo showed three hits from the small island where I worked. I panicked and shut down The Journey for a bit. I then took down pictures and links and a whole mess of entries.

Then I learned (on Friday actually) who it was from the island who had come to visit The Journey. I felt foolish for overreacting.

I have posted in detail today about this, and decided no more hiding in the shadows. I am who I am... (Shrug)

After all, a blog IS a bit like attending a munch or public play party. You just never know who you are gonna bump into. :)

HH the H: Another good idea is to use a browser that is on a secure USB memory stick. I use Ironkey and it is great. Not much is left on your PC at all. It includes a TOR-type secure function where all your web traffic is encrypted between you and a proxy that changes when use use it. I also keep all private files encrypted with PGP on my hard drive.

Abby: I think everyone has already covered the major points, so now that I'll be the 20th comment, I'll jump in with some reassurances.

My blog turned two years old this month. During this time, I not only blogged more and more explicitly about my fetish and myself (explicitly meaning everything from my city of residence to the down and dirty stuff) but I also, on a complete whim with my husband, started filming spanking videos, where both of our faces clearly visible. If anyone were to stumble across my blog, my website (under construction), or my videos, there is no doubt that I would be recognizable in all my half-naked, weeping, spanked glory. That said, I've never been recognized.

I gave up on being cautious. I've snuck in blog posts from work (though I never actually load the blog itself, and I would never bring up any other spanking related material). A year ago, I actually showed the blog to a few friends (who already knew my fetish) not in the privacy of home, but at a local pub, on the pub's computer, not even on a privately-owned laptop. I didn't even clear the cache afterward. Yes, that was a terrible idea, and not recommended, but still, nothing came of it. The thing is, I have done literally everything short of e-mailing links to my family and employers with a message saying, "Hey, if you don't already surf spanking sites in your free time, check out what I'm doing!"

A psychoanalyst might point out that I sort of want to be found out. But if you don't want to be found out, follow the tips everyone else provided. If I can't get found by broadcasting my fetish out loud, the likelihood of you getting found if you follow the many wise tips posted here is seriously minimal. Start with a good pseudonym and off you go!

My one concession to anonymity: Abby Williams is not my real name, but at this point, it might as well be.

Prefectdt: Within a couple of months of starting a blog, a relative started asking questions, of my mother, about stuff that I had not shared with the family, yet but had posted about on the blog. These were vanilla elements of the blog, but it was a bit of a shock anyway. So either said relative or said relative's daughter (who I know to be a submissive or switch) had found the blog. I had put very little information about myself on the blog at that time.

The solution was to put a carefully coded post on the blog, indicating that whichever relative it was should either e-mail me directly or do me the same favor that I had done them and leave me alone. The questions to my mother stopped, no correspondence was received.

The moral of the story is that if you know someone who may be of a kinky nature and is connected to people who you do not want to know about your activities, be aware that they may end up reading your blog and working out who you are. Either contact them first and ask for their confidence or do as I did and write a coded post.

Anon #3: Thank you for this. As a non-20-something whose career would be in jeopardy if my spanking kink were discovered by anyone other than my wonderful spouse, it is encouraging yet not entirely reassuring. I’ve enjoyed reading the spanking blogs hosted my many of the people who’ve posted comments. Yet, while I’d be delighted to share my own spanking stories, it still seems safer to be a lurker who posts an anonymous comment once in a while.

Dante d'Amore: As someone who really doesn't care if I am ever "outed," the only precaution I take is a name change.

There are dozens of people out here who know who know my true identity and if the world ever finds out, it will actually be much better for me because hiding behind an alias is handcuffing me in many ways (and not that good kind of "I am helpless and you are going to spank me silly and then ravish me" kind of handcuffing, either).

The only reason I am not yet using my real name is because a few geriatric aunts and uncles of mine who are very religious would likely keel over with massive coronaries if they found out they are related to someone kinky.

My brother and a few friends are aware of my interest in spanking and I told one how to find my blog (she's kinky, but not into spanking).

I don't think I'd want my brother or most friends reading my blog, but that's because it would lead them to my wife's blog and I find the personal stuff she shares about our sex life to be embarrassing as hell.

They've always wanted me to send them copies of humor columns I wrote, but I don't do that with the ones I write for my blog just in case any of them decides to search on a unique phrase from the column. If they did that, they would find me for sure.

I realize that anyone who knows me and accidentally comes across my icon anywhere will immediately recognize my eyes and will find my blog, but I think part of the reason I chose that icon is that I crave the freedom of being "outed," even if I don't have the guts to do it myself.

If my security concerns were much greater, then I would have to seriously question whether or not to blog.

Blogging and security is much like sex and pregnancy. If security is that big a concern, then the only answer is: Don't blog!

Even commenting anonymously offers but a trace amount of security.

Nothing can give you 100% security, but, depending upon your need for security, there are many steps you can take that can get you close to that elusive 100% mark.

For maximum security (and anonymity) in posting and commenting, you should use encryption and a socks proxy system such as TOR (it's free).

"Dr. Who" provides a ton of information about security and constantly updates it to reflect the latest changes. The most recent update is available here:

Doctor Who's Security And Encryption FAQ version 22.6.2

If you don't need the type of security that even the NSA can't compromise, then just take the basic precautions I'm sure have already been mentioned.

If you want more, read the FAQ and follow some of the recommendations.

Katia: Being new to this type of blogging, I made sure not to use my real name or location. I also use an e-mail that is attached to a fictitious name.

Everything I blog is truth, even if in story form. I wouldn't want to portray someone I'm not. I always double check which name I am signed on under because I have a non-spanko blog and I wouldn't want to shock people who do not now my secret, or visa versa, exposing who I really am.

For those out there hesitating... At first, it is scary, but because I put myself out there, I have a wonderful new circle of friends.

Bonnie: I like to compare being active on the Internet with swimming in the ocean. You might be bitten by a shark or stung by a jellyfish, but that probably won't happen, especially if you are aware of your surroundings. The fact that sharks and jellyfish exist shouldn't keep us out of the water. Neither should we shun the entire cyber world because of the actions of a few unsavory people.

So, what can we do to protect ourselves? I think the suggestions above are excellent. Let's recap briefly.

1. Use a pseudonym


2. Use separate e-mail and social networking (Facebook/MySpace) accounts for kinky and vanilla friends


3. Don't visit spanko sites at work or on insecure machines


4. Avoid sharing personal data (names, employer, geographic information, phone numbers, etc.)


5. Alter insignificant details to reduce the chance of identification


6. Be careful who you choose to trust


7. Don't post pictures of faces, homes, cars, etc.


8. Avoid vanilla traffic by not linking vanilla sites and asking them to not link yours


9. Choose complex passwords for online accounts


10. Avoid popular vanilla themes and keywords to minimize unintended search traffic

The great thing about these measures is that none of them is difficult, time-consuming, or prevents you from blogging to your heart's content. For those of you still on the fence, I think it will be OK. Really.

What a great discussion. You folks rock! Please join us next week for something completely different.

MBS Spanko Brunch #184

Happy weekend, everyone! It's time again for brunch.

This week's topic was inspired by MBS readers, but I can't attribute it to any one person. I conducted a poll a while back about blogging. All of the results were enlightening, but the number that jumped off the page for me was the 32% who said that privacy/safety/security concerns caused them to not want to publish a spanking blog.

I wouldn't tell these folks that there is no danger and their worries are irrational. Adopting that sort of cavalier approach might be worse than hiding in the shadows. However, there are a number of common sense techniques for managing risks and protecting oneself. Let's see if we can help some of these silent friends to gain their voice.

What steps would you suggest that novice bloggers take to safeguard their anonymity, safety, security, and privacy?

If you would like to join our discussion, it's really easy. Just enter a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will publish an edited summary right here.

Thanks for participating and I hope you enjoy a warm weekend!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 19

This was a somewhat unusual week for brunch. Rather than our traditional question, we considered a psychological model created by our friend, D. Here are your reactions.

Anon VII: As far as it goes, I largely agree with it. I'd add another dimension to include implements (hand, paddle, cane, strap, etc.).

Hermione: I must confess that I find it puzzling, and would be interested in knowing D's definition of each of the four quadrants.

I wouldn't think that for play and erotic, speed would have anything to do with it, but then that depends on what the individuals choose to do.

I do agree that punishment would be harder than play and erotic, although fewer versus more surely isn't always the case. And I don't know what ritual means.

I think that what really distinguishes the type of spanking is the mindset of both participants. There's so much more involved than numbers and speed.

Dante d'Amore: For me, the main difference between punishment and erotic is the mental aspect. Both forms can be fast or slow and hard (though punishment would rarely be soft), but one is done for pleasure and the other for "non-pleasure."

The most important difference for me is in my own attitude and bearing. Erotic is playful and play is erotic. Punishment is neither.

As for "ritual," I have an idea what he is getting at but as I've said, a spanking is either for her pleasure or for the exact opposite.

There are many different ways to accomplish either one, but the end result I am going for is how it is defined.

A "ritual" spanking, if I am getting what he means, would be for pleasure. Therefore erotic.

If it was done to cause her mental discomfort, it would be for punishment.

Sting Me: I find the graph a bit puzzling and agree that there are other dimensions that should be included.

I too would like definitions of terms as they can be generic or very specific. strength of swats varies throughout my punishment session and depends on implement(s) used and whether he wants to build a real fire or just get my attention. He has a different rhythm with each implement and always uses at least three besides his big hard hand.

MySir has a ritual to precede or begin a punishment with questions and answers followed by a specific number of swats tied to each ritual question before punishment begins in earnest.

Irelynn: As a budding psychologist, I love diagrams and I love how D. has tried to create one that reflects his idea of various types of spankings. I think it's impossible to create a diagram that is representative of the general kinky population because our likes, dislikes and opinions and ways vary so much. I think he's had a good go at it though, and I think overall it makes sense. It may not be complete but it's a good place to start.

Ashley J: I don't think a simple four quadrant diagram can do justice to the various modes of spanking and as someone else mentioned. A lot of this is very personal to the people involved in the spanking. I also agree that the mindset of the spankee has more to do with the type of spanking than anything else. Even discipline can be fun if you think of it that way (I'm not admitting anything here!).

Dr. Ken: I'm not sure I agree with the diagram. More, less intense strokes (which could also be called "a proper warm-up") means the spankee can take more, harder strokes later on, regardless of the category. And speed, again, regardless of the category, has nothing to do with it. Just because you give someone twelve intense strokes that are well-spaced out timewise doesn't automatically mean it's an "erotic" or "ritual" spanking. I just don't really see the correlations.

Ally: As someone new to spanking, on a basic level, this makes sense to me. There are other variables as others have mentioned. Also, the way Brad and I do things, the way I experience things, and our preferences are always changing.

Jean Marie: I understand the motivation to classify, but spanking goes beyond the rational and precise. My evidence is my sexual response. I become aroused whether the spanking is playful or punishing. No dividing line can be drawn.

Kate: Why have classifications in the first place!? Everybody has their own way of doing things,and classifying, at least to me, is a waste of spanking time. :)

OTK Rob: As a newbie, punishment spankings did not work. I tried it with one partner and it definitely did not work for either of us. When I tried with another partner later on, we both just laughed and thought it was silly for us. It obviously works for some.

I do enjoy serious funishment and to some, it might seem like punishment, but with the emphasis being on make-believe "transgressions."

The best part is that the funishment usually ended up in even more erotic spankings as we went along.

Thomas_III: I think that the graph and system oversimplifies the actual reality. Yes, discipline and punishment are almost always harder, and usually faster, but those faster swats add up pretty quick, so I don't know if there would be less swats. More than likely, there would be more swats, just packed into a smaller timeframe. Plus, I differentiate between discipline and punishment. Discipline is hard, but not as hard as punishment. Discipline is also over faster.

Perhaps he should separate the graph into three dimensions, with x, y, and z axes. One could represent the intensity of the spanking, one for the speed, and one for the duration. The combination of speed and duration will ultimately determine how many strokes are given, not the intensity. I've given several LONG punishment spankings. Plus, erotic spankings tend to be on the short side, at least for me, while sensual (not the same as erotic) go longer.

I am intrigued by his ideas, though, and think that I'll look into my own interests to see what my own graph would look like. Ultimately, I think that it's a personal thing. Different people have different tastes. For some, harder is more erotic than love pats.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): Ritual and Erotic for me, BUT I think you would need a three dimensional model as it's more complex than this graphic suggests.

Our Bottoms Burn: I thought about how to reply as long as my wee brain would allow. I did not come close to figuring out how the classification system would work in my little world...

So I say what Kate said.

Sara: We mostly have erotic spankings although we have tried punishment spanking. We haven't been very successful with that yet, but I think how hard/fast/what implement/how many etc all depend on the mood and emotions of the people involved at the time and not necessarily on what type of spanking it is supposed to be. An erotic spanking for me can be slow and relatively gentle one day and another time can be very intense and hard, but both have the desired effect.

Bonnie: When D. asked me if I would be willing to share his model, I wondered whether anyone would be interested. I guess I got my answer!

I think the model could benefit from some refinement, but I believe there is value in trying to better understand TTWD. I doubt any institution of higher learning is likely to fund research in this area, so I suppose it's up to us. My hope in this case, and in all other regards, is that the more we comprehend, the more we will be able to help people become comfortable with their kink.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights!

MBS Spanko Brunch #183

Welcome to our Midsummer Morning's spanko brunch. I'm glad you chose to spend some time with us talking about this thing we do.

This week's topic arises from a conversation I had with a regular reader. D is interested in the psychology of spanking and the many variations in spanking preferences. He developed a model to classify spanking techniques and I created a diagram that summarizes his system. D asked if I would share his ideas at brunch and solicit your reactions. So here you are...


As you see, speed and intensity are two dimensions on the diagram. The labels within each quadrant (such as Play or Discipline) should be considered as representative examples.

Does this classification make sense? Have you preferences in terms of which types of spanking best fit specific situations?

To participate in our conversation, just leave a comment below. Once everyone has had their say, I will post an edited summary here on the blog.

Poll: MBS Links

As of the time of this writing, this blog has 282 links. That's a lot by any measure. In the past, MBS readers indicated that they value the links and want me me to continue finding and adding new blogs. As you see, I have done so. Now I wonder if I have gone too far.

Should MBS Have 282 Links? Yes, I like the links as they are Yes, but perhaps they could be organized in some way Yes, and please find more if you can No, that's simply too many blogs to read No, just give us the very best No, links aren't that important Are there links here? Current Results

Top Twenty Social Networking Gaffes (or How Not to be My Friend)

I’ve been wandering around places like MySpace long enough to begin to get a feel for what works and what doesn’t. A lot of people want to friend me and I appreciate that. I enjoy having a circle of friends. But many of these potential friends manage, apparently unknowingly, to alienate me right out of the gate. In response, I have some thoughts and impressions I would like to share. These are, of course, my opinion only and therefore are probably not universally applicable.

1. Even on social networking sites, language still matters. If you communicate solely in cryptic IM-speak, many people will think that you are uneducated, lazy, or both. If you’re messaging your close friends and you all get it, that’s fine. But if you seek to reach a broader audience, do yourself a favor and check your grammar and spelling.


2. Narrow-mindedness of any stripe is offensive. If you want to be a racist, I can’t stop you. Nor will I try. But don’t bother trying to friend me. That also goes for attacking any large group you don’t know simply based upon who they are. You cannot build yourself up by putting other people down.


3. You might think that dark purple text on a black background looks cool, but I can’t read that. Chances are, most other people will pass your page and not return.


4. I have a name. If you use it, I will be a lot more likely to respond. If you choose instead a term like, “Babe,” “Honey,” or “Sweet-ass,” it's very unlikely I will read any farther.


5. I’m a person. If you think I am some sort of goddess because I publish a busy blog, that’s not the case. I live a regular life. I have a normal job. I am no different than anybody else. The whole Wayne and Garth, “We’re not worthy!” routine is simply unnecessary. If you have something to tell me, then by all means, please do.


6. On the flip side, just because I am submissive doesn’t make me your submissive. I have no intention of following orders from people I don’t even know.


7. I don’t want you to think that I’m not interested in your life story because that sounds cold and unfeeling. But I ask that you understand that my time is precious and I must allocate it wisely. If you can be concise, that will be greatly appreciated.


8. The person you know from this blog is me, but it’s not all of me. I’ve said many times that I am selective about which parts of life I choose to share. In some ways, dedicated readers know more about me than my real world friends. And yet, please don’t assume you know everything.


9. If you feel compelled to inquire about my sex life, I am willing to discuss certain aspects of what Randy and I do together. But not before you say hello and introduce yourself!


10. Speaking of which, no, you may not f**k me, no matter which clever euphemism you choose to employ. I am happily married, mated for life, and 100% monogamous. I’ve said this over and over again, but I still get lewd propositions.


11. Your profile is your introduction. It is the basis of first, and sometimes last, impressions. It’s great that you have the ability to feature topics that appeal to you. That is as it should be. However, if you seek friends of the opposite gender, you might want to think about what might appeal to them as well. I am not offended by that bikini girl bending over, but neither am I fascinated by her. What does offend me are pictures that depict indiscriminate or gory violence. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t express your individuality, but it’s important to remember the function of a profile page. To say it a different way, guys, imagine visiting a woman’s profile page for the first time and finding it filled with references to decorating, recipes, and fashion. How long would you stick around?


12. Please don’t friend me just because you’re trying to collect a huge number of friends. This may be a fun competition, but I’m not playing. If I see you have thousands of friends already, I am going to figure that you don’t need me. I’m not going to suggest that I have an active ongoing conversation with everyone listed as my friend. With a fulltime job, a husband, and a busy blog, that’s not practical for me. But I at least have some sense of who they are.


13. Speaking of playing, enough already with those dopey MySpace applications. I don’t want to be a pirate, a gangster, a hot babe, or anyone’s pet. And if I want to be kissed, I know where to go for that too. If you’re spending your days playing these games, perhaps it’s time to shut off the computer and interact with real people.


14. I would advise anyone to be honest in their dealings, but this issue is not quite as black and white as it might appear at first glance. It’s wrong to present yourself as someone you are not. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to share the details of your recent abdominal surgery with someone you just met. That would be simply too much information. There is a delicate balance between being candid and being too candid. Use your instincts here and when in doubt, leave it out.


15. The same can be said for personally identifiable information like full names, addresses, phone numbers, schools, employers, face photos, and the like. I am amazed by how often I see people knowingly or unknowingly out themselves. If you are completely comfortable with your kink, then I salute you. But when you share it with the entire world, you run the risk of upsetting family members, turning off future employers, and telling a potential future partner more than you’re ready for them to know. Remember that on the internet, nothing is ever definitively gone, even after you think you’ve deleted it. For females and teenagers in particular, personally identifiable information can be a safety issue. Please be careful.


16. As in the blogging world, it’s appropriate and desirable to give proper credit when quoting other sources. When you cite, this simple act will be seen as a compliment by the original source. If you don’t credit them, they will feel as though you ripped off their material.


17. If you want to send me a message, that’s perfectly fine. I particularly enjoy hearing from MBS readers. However, I would prefer that you have something to say. “You are hot!” is a nice gesture, I guess, but it doesn’t tell me anything about you or why you might think that. Other times, I read long rambling messages and wonder why they were sent at all. If I cannot figure out the point, then you haven’t communicated successfully. As I learned back in J-school, you need to place the most important information at the front.


18. When you initiate an IM conversation, the first question should always be, “Are you free to talk?” Maybe I am and maybe I’m not and I will tell you if you are polite enough to ask. If you instead launch into a series of creepy prying questions, you can bet I will quickly find somewhere else to be. Just a little basic courtesy goes a long way.


19. I don’t have a webcam and I’m not going to send you naked photographs. There are lots of sites that feature beautiful young women in various stages of undress. If that’s not good enough, you might want to go find a woman of the real life variety. I have it on good authority that there are several who live right in your town!


20. When people place their own advertising in public comments to me, I delete them as quickly as I can. They are, in effect, spamming my readers. Not good.

I know I sound bitchy and I really didn’t mean for this post to go that way, but this is a topic that has bugged me for quite a while. When I visit social networking sites, I encounter a whole different dynamic. MBS readers are almost always pleasant and civil, and I thank you for that. I know it’s probably unrealistic to expect similar treatment elsewhere, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing.

I hope some of these suggestions will register with friends and would-be friends on social networking sites. My aim is not to criticize, but rather to inform and offer some gentle guidance. My advice, summed up in one simple statement, is to be nice, use common sense, and keep your hands (virtual and otherwise) to yourself.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 11

Our topic of the week was timed spankings. Here are your reactions.

Hermione: No, we haven't, and I'm not quite sure what the procedure is so I'll read the other comments with interest.

Our spankings are scheduled, so we always start at the same time, and despite the variations we introduce, we usually manage to finish about the same number of minutes later each time. Just call us organized!

Angie: Yes, I have, for both punishment and good girl kinds.

For good girl ones, it's fine, even though you have a tendency to go, “I have how many minutes left!?” Timed bad girl spankings just suck! That’s because you go “Oh gawd! I have how many minutes left?! No, please, something must be wrong!”

This Girl: I've been at spanking parties where they had a “three minute challenge.” The girl was OTK and the dom had to spank as hard as he could for three minutes. It tends to be harder for the top than the bottom!

Bitski: As for timed spankings, I never have, but I want to. It seems like there would be something comforting in knowing how long it's going to last. And to be honest, mine are usually too short. I'm not one to look at the clock, so I don't know how long (timewise) too short is. It’s just that it's usually over before I feel I've gotten somewhere. But then, my honey and I are pretty new at this, and I think he's still afraid of hurting me. When I found your blog, I immediately printed some things out for him to read. And it must be helping, because that was two days ago, and he gave me a spanking that night AND the next. Two days in a row is a first for us! So when your readers respond, I'd love to know a good time limit to set for newbies. Five minutes? Ten? Thirty with lots of play mixed in? I can't wait to add a timer just for fun.

Welcome, Bitski! It’s a pleasure to meet you and I’m glad you stopped by. As for newbie advice, I am inclined to suggest that you start slowly and work your way up as you become more comfortable with spanking and with each other in your new roles. Please feel free to write me anytime.

Daisy: No, we haven't done this. Davey always tells me how many swats/stings I am going to get with whatever implement. But as for timing instead of counting, I guess that depends on how fast the swats come, as to how many you get in a certain time!
Davey likes to vary the space between each swat. Sometimes, it’s fast and furious. Sometimes, it’s slow and calculated, often with a lecture between each one! I suppose if it is a timed spanking, the spanker tends to go faster to fit in more swats?

When we are together, maybe he will try that out as an experiment, especially if I sound reluctant! Therefore, I can say here and now, I look forward to it. LOL

JWLR: Timing is something we were just talking about. My wife, who gives the spankings, just can’t wait to find one of those hourglass timers to go with her hairbrush.

I hope, JWLR, for your sake, that’s she’s talking about an egg timer and not a true hourglass!

Our Bottoms Burn: I think that a timed spanking might be OK as a lark once in awhile. We have never done it. We don't count licks either. Spankings just go on until the spanker judges the spankee has had just the right amount. We have never had timed sex either. We will be interested in reading the responses to this question.

Dante d'Amore: We have only tried this once. It was this year when I foolishly gave Tiggr a Valentine’s Day gift of being able to spank me.

As someone who hates pain even more than I hate giving up control, there was no way I was giving her carte blanche.

I said she could use her hand only and had 60 seconds. It turned out that was about 45 seconds too much as anyone who has listened to either of the audio clips I have on my site from that ugly event will surely attest. In that case, timing it was good. It was very good, even if the chosen time wasn't so good.

When I am spanking, timing = BAD. A specific time equates to giving up some control. Me no likey. :)

Tiggs: How apropos, to be listed in the comments right after my dearest Dante's remarks here.

I didn't like having to time myself spanking Dante at all... Not at all. I'd much rather have all the control to do it the way I want, take as long as I want, use what I want, make it hurt or tingle or tickle as I want. You get the idea!

From the bottom's up point of view, I'd also hate a timed spanking... It’s no fun at all for either person, watching the clock!

Jean Marie: When I first read the topic for this week I cringed. Timed punishment is horrendous. You cannot believe how long five minutes can last when you are getting blasted with a paddle. In my household, timed punishment is only for when I'm really naughty, thank goodness! But I'm so sorry that you brought it up because now all these tops, mine especially, will have it in mind. I bet my bottom will be sorry about it by Sunday morning when my lover reads the brunch postings. Let's just say that they are effective but uncalled-for except in extreme circumstances.

For the nice newbie who asked how long they should go for; I'd suggest just half a minute for starters.

Publikk: I have done a few timed spankings. Mainly for fun. For instance, one time my girlfriend at the time and another local spankee friend recreated a video. It was one of the Raven Hills videos where they do a 5-minute hand spanking followed by two 5-minute spankings with an implement picked out of a hat. It was interesting and fun and it helped eliminate the awkwardness of us all playing together for the first time. It gave us an activity.

I don't think I'd use it for a real punishment unless I knew the person pretty well. You can go too far if you're focused on a timer rather than the person being spanked. But it was fun in this scenario.

Ashley J: Timed spankings are a paradox for me. On the one hand, they are nice because you have a fixed target to focus on for when it will be over. It can help me to get through the sting, knowing it’s just x seconds more and I can rely on that. On the bad side, it leaves me focusing on the time and not anything else. So if I'm supposed to be learning something because I messed up, all I'm really learning is how to count seconds in my head. I suppose it might work better if I didn't know how long but it's never been that way for me. I guess overall I have to say “no thanks” to them, but I know at least one spanker who really likes the concept.

Ally: I’ve never received a timed spanking, just a certain number of swats is announced, and that happens only rarely. Would I consider it? If it was up to me, I would only want timed spankings for fun. Even then, I probably wouldn't pay much attention to the time. It would just nice to have a basic idea of what to expect. That is IF I wanted to know. I don't know.

Prefectdt: No, I have never received a timed spanking. Yes, I will try it one day. There is always something new to try. Variety is the spice of life. :)

Penfold: Bear and I are also one of those that haven’t experimented with timed spankings, but our spankings are often around the same amount of time. Bear loves timing things, so maybe this would be a good one for us to explore!

Ronnie: I'm told when I'm going to get spanked and with what, but not timed. Our spankings are always different. That's what I like. Would I try it? Mmmm, I think so, but I’m not sure how it would work for us. I don't think I'd like it.

Missy H: En route to Charleston/Myrtle Beach, I made a slight detour to Jamestown, North Carolina to test drive a Robospanker at the manufacturers. They were very accommodating and set the timer (which has increments from 2 to 15 minutes) for a nice four minute (on the low setting) session.

I tipped it $20 and afterward seriously considered transferring to nearby UNC/Chapel Hill.

It may be too 'impersonal' for some, but it was nice for once not having to worry that a top's arm was getting tired.

Irelynn: I haven't, no. There was a threat of it once, during a roleplay I did a few years ago. But I don't remember it actually being done.

I would definitely be interested though! As I don't do discipline type spankings, it would be in a roleplay or just a fun, spur-of-the-moment spanking. I think there's a certain attraction in seeing the seconds pass by, knowing exactly when it's going to stop and how long you have yet to go. It might turn out that I don't like it at all once I actually try it, but it sure sounds like a nice variation on "normal" spankings to me!

Scunge: I think at a spanking party or in roleplay, My Sir would be up for it, but not otherwise. We ALWAYS run out of time as it is! Things will be better once we are able to be 24/7. Until then, I just enjoy (or endure for discipline) what I get when I get it!

Anon: It's good to have a variety of ways to do this. It keeps it fresh and always new. I am in favor of mutual consent first novelty in this, as in other areas of intimacy.

Loki: The first time I ever saw a timed spanking was when I purchased a RavenHill Beach Girl spanking video. There were three five-minute long spankings with various implements and I fell in love right then and there with the whole concept.

I have used timed spankings every so often, and for my birthday, my fiancé bought me an hourglass. Trust me when I say that it is hilarious to spank or be spanked while watching the sands flow. Time itself seems to slow down!

Cowgirl: We have done timed spankings before, when I was a bit "bratty." Chase would give me one to five minute spankings, depending on the "offense," and he would spank as fast (and hard) as he could for that amount of time. Sometimes, it was a bit much, as the time increased. It was my job to tell him when to start and finish. LOL We had fun with it!

Bonnie: Yes, we have tried timed spankings. There’s nothing wrong with the concept, but the implementation can sometimes be problematic. Randy knows that my bottom can tolerate at least as much hand-spanking as his hand can. Therefore, he likes to choose a stout wooden implement instead. This is where things get a bit dicey. The natural inclination of the male mind is to interpret such activities as a competition. Randy tries, therefore, to spank as hard and fast as humanly possible. From my perspective (staring at the carpet), this takes a lot of the fun out of the game. Three minutes may sound like a very brief spanking, but at full power and top speed, it can be absolutely all I want.

For those just getting started, I must urge caution when experimenting with timed spankings. Specifically, the presence of a timer does not eliminate the spanker’s responsibility to monitor the spankee’s safety. Likewise, it does not remove the expectation that the spankee will call her safeword if she feels overwhelmed or endangered. On the other hand, if you know each other well and you’re familiar with spanking, I say synchronize your watches and go for it!

Thank you to everyone who added their insights to our brunch. This discussion gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Beat the clock!" I hope to see you again next weekend.

MBS Spanko Brunch #182

Tick tock. Tick tock. Even when we aren't thinking about it, time marches ever forward. One day, I'm a newlywed. The next thing I know, I'm a grandmother. Sometimes, I wonder about how all of those years got behind me? Our brunch this week considers the passage of time, though in somewhat shorter durations.

Have you participated in timed spankings? If so, what were your impressions? Is this a practice you would like to repeat? Would you find a timed spanking to be particularly helpful for any particular type of session? If you have yet to experiment with timed spankings, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to join our conversation, and I really hope you will, all you need to do is enter a comment below. Once everyone has had a fair chance to share their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.

Poll: Blogging

1. Do you currently have a spanking-oriented blog? Yes, and I love blogging Yes, but it's not very active No, but I used to No, but I'd like to No, but I have a vanilla blog No, it's not for me No, I don't have much to say 2. Why would you most want to have a spanking blog? I like to express my creativity I wish to share my experiences I seek to meet like-minded people I want to be a part of a community A different reason I don't want to have a spanking blog 3. Why would you not want to have a spanking blog? I have privacy/security/safety concerns Too much time is required I haven't much to say I have no spankings to share I'm shy I'm not comfortable sharing my secrets Another reason I definitely do want a spanking blog Current Results

The 2009 Spanking Tube Challenge

Many MBS readers tell me that they love watching spanking videos. If you are a spanko videophile, then Richard Windsor has a special treat. He recently began a competition known as the Spanking Tube Challenge. The basic idea is that couples (or individuals) produce their own amateur spanking videos and then visitors to Richard's blog select their favorites in a head-to-head elimination format.

Even if video is not your favorite medium, the hard work that went into these filmed sessions is quite evident. I encourage you to stop by and demonstrate your support by voting!

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 5

Our topic of the week was diet spankings. Here are your reactions.

Todd: I have used spanking to help motivate diet efforts with Suzy and a few close spankee friends... and have found quite a bit of success. I've also seen friends have success in our Diet Group (both on the blog and the Yahoo Group). I know two people who lost one hundred pounds and several more who lost fifty... and kept it off.

I think that starting with an established "vanilla" diet plan and then using spanking to motivate sticking to that plan is a good start. Staying consistent is a big key, so picking something that will work long term is important. It’s worthwhile to take some time and figure out exactly how spankings will work (there are several options). I steer well clear of spankings/scoldings that might touch on body issues. Breaking a rule is what earns a spanking... and *not* being overweight.

It's certainly not for everyone though. Weight comes with lots of emotional baggage which can impact the spanker or spankee. I've seen enough success though that I do think it's worth trying for those that are motivated by discipline spankings elsewhere in their life (or strongly suspect they would be). It can also do things to help a spanker (who doesn't get spanked) too.

Hermione: We haven't tried it, but I think being spanked would be a great reward for having stuck to a sensible eating plan all week. Maybe I could get extra swats for each time I chose carrots instead of chips?

This could be fun!

Meow: So far, we've used spanking to punish the breaking of diet and exercise rules, but not for lack of progress at weigh-in time. We need to be more consistent, me with reporting and Lash with punishment. As with anything, consistency is the key!

Missy H: Only indirectly. When I'm sorely tempted by some rich dessert, I try to picture how that tiramisu might show up on my body the next time one of those wonderfully forgiving flowy, swirly skirts is flung over my head.

Curtis: I’m not much into punishment and discipline spankings, but I would use sensual spankings as a reward for good behavior – diet or otherwise.

Greenwoman: Nope. I've never tried it, though I’m with Hermione. It could be a fun way to reward for a lot of things that require discipline, not just healthy eating.

Jay: Well I definitely don't need to lose weight, so on that side it’s a no. However, my weight is an issue and therefore my Dom is helping me to put on weight. One of my rules now is that I have to eat at least three meals a day with a view to reach the target goal of 10 stone by Christmas.

I have asked my Dom to help me with this, and actually as I write this, he is downstairs waiting to punish me for not eating breakfast five times this week and lunch only three times. Yikes.

It is scary, but it helps to know that I have consequences should I not eat. I won’t be punished for losing weight, but we will look at my daily diet and see if there is anything we can do to fix it.

PK: I came out to Nick by asking him to help me with my diet through spanking. It has evolved over the years. I never thought of him spanking as a punishment for gaining. Sometimes, though, it is as discipline for not sticking to a healthy diet and blowing off the gym.
But more and more, I realize that when he loses interesting in my diet, I do too. His being involved and knowing I might be spanked if I didn't work hard fed my imagination and kept me wanting to work to get to a healthier weight. When he doesn't ask about whether I've gained or lost each week and when I gain for several weeks and he seems to ignore it, then the diet becomes just drudgery.

So whether we use it as discipline when I fall off the diet wagon, or as motivation to work harder, or to reward a job well done doesn’t really matter. Just having him involved – asking, caring, spanking – has kept me either losing or maintaining for three years.

Sara: Spanking is used in our relationship to remind me that making unhealthy choices is not acceptable. It's never been linked directly to the scale, but definitely to food choices, failure to exercise, missing taking vitamins, etc. I have lost quite a bit of weight in the past four years since we started DD in our marriage, and I am sure the focus and discipline is a big part of that.

Anon #1: As a reward, yes. The chant was, "Trade sex for food." The spanking was absolutely meant as a prelude. This was a powerful motivator. Combined with sensible eating and long walks, it worked.

Padme: I was a part of Todd and Suzy's diet group a few years ago and didn't find that it worked very well for me. I'm too much of a spanko and enjoy it too much for it to be discipline for me. I would often lose a pound or two and then would gain it back.

Master Anakin also told me he didn't like me being so focused on the scale each week also. My weight would go up because of my period and then I'd be upset thinking I had gained weight and I hadn't. I've done a better job with keeping my weight consistent through walking and I don't look at the scale all the time now. I know my body well enough to know when I need to walk a bit extra or work more on my diet.

He found it too much work also to be monitoring my diet all the time. I do get disciplined with hard spankings, but not for diet issues anymore.

Saffron: I have an issue whereby I need to lose about five stone (that’s about 65 pounds, I think) Weight is an emotional issue for me, but I was told by my doctor that I need to lose weight. When I told my Dom, he said he already knew this was something I would have to work on, as I am young (27) and it’s a health issue for me. To be honest it also makes me insecure.

After my holiday to Germany (not the best way to start a diet), we will concentrate on this issue of mine. I need to lose weight, and if I don't, my arse will pay. I think this will work because I had my first discipline spanking and caning today. Boy, did it drive home a point. I'm going to need them. And it worked. It’s a different headspace. I think there has been some insecurity in me that he wants me to lose weight because he does not like my looks, but I don't think that is the main issue. My health is, and yes, let’s be honest, my looks will improve!

I'm interested how this pans out. I get rewards if I do well, and get punished if I don't lose. I think I would only have an issue with getting punished for not losing weight if he and I had used every weight loss method we know. Maybe that would mean that we need to step up something. But my Dom is incredible, and not unreasonable.

In Germany, I have committed to lots of exercise. I may ask to have that as a temporary rule, whilst with food, I will have to TRY to be sensible. I will do an hour’s exercise at least every day! Wait until he reads this! (grins) Oh, BTW, no matter what happens in Germany, I am to lose two stone by Christmas. It’s fully doable!

Mija: I'm not supposed to eat very much sugar (it makes me ill), so we have a rule that I can only have sweets if I ask first. When I've been trying to get into a gym routine, he'll enforce that schedule too.

But I'd be very uncomfortable with P monitoring my weight loss progress at the scale with punishments. I suspect it would be a squick for him too.

Still, Todd and Suzy, whatever works!

Prefectdt: Yes, I have used self-administration, which I do not enjoy and do not talk about much, but it does have a certain level of success. I'm in agreement with those here saying that a reward or good boy/girl spanking would be a good thing to try, but the opportunity has never been available for me.

Anon #2: Yes, It started the whole DD in our house with my wife and me. We had always used spanking in the bedroom before that, but never anything else. She had been dieting for six months with some success, but she had been stalled for a while. I decided that I needed to loose weight to get off so many meds. After two weeks of going no place, I searched the net and discovered DD for weight loss at a couple of sites. I sheepishly asked my wife if she could spank to help me with reminders, eating, and exercise. She took to it like a duck to water! That was six months ago. I have lost 52 pounds and learned to cook healthy. I never cooked a day in my life and now do almost every day. My wife has lost 35 pounds since we started. She gives me reminders every week. We have a weekly weigh in and track our weekly goals and progress on a grease board.

Our reward to each other is an eight-day cruise in October. I have not yet been spanked for not reaching a goal although I have not made it many times. I have been told to get out of bed and bend over for not working out or NOT eating enough or forgetting to encourage her to work out. I have received many reward (good boy) spankings and related very hot sexual encounters. Since we have added DD to our whole lifestyle and things could not be better. I am seven pounds from my final goal. This is a commitment to each other.

Zille: There are some ginger cookies which I have simply no control over consuming – they are just too good! So after I'd tried for some months to maintain a healthy relationship with these cookies, I had to ask my Master if we could have a rule that I must ask permission before I can eat one of those wicked ginger cookies.

I've never needed to be punished for breaking the rule (as it's my ass on the line in more than one sense – i.e. that my ass is a reasonable size and doesn't need to get much bigger!) and it has helped me get in control with regards to those cookies. I think I wouldn't even need the rule now, but it's fun to have to ask!

The thing I need to get punished for is skipping yoga. If I do yoga two or three times a week, my body and emotional well-being really show the results. But it's just so easy to get caught up with something, put it off and off all day long, and end up saying, "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." And of course, it's always today, isn't it?! So he and I have been talking about setting up punishments for that. It can only end in happiness either way: either I am lookin' good and feelin' fine or he gets to punish me for a real infraction, which he really, um, gets off on! (And so do I, just not while it's happening!).

Anon VII: What a coincidence that you should post that question! Meg and I began that aspect of our now very long, exclusive relationship back in our college days when she was fretting about being a choc-a-holic who was also into fitness. I teasingly (well, mostly teasingly, but admittedly with a tiny bit of hope) told her that I could keep her in line with my fraternity paddle. To my surprise, she immediately took me up on the offer, then admitted cheating on her diet a couple of evenings later and insisted that I had to do what we'd agreed upon. She was perfectly dressed for the occasion, in a cute short skirt, a blouse with puffy sleeves, heels, and (best of all) panties with the college logo across the seat. She was more than a little surprised at how much the swats stung, but she still pounced on me and took me down afterward, even though I made at least two of her! Soon enough, we were getting out the board of education for no reason except pure fun.

Bonnie: Randy and I don’t employ diet spankings, but probably not for the reason you might think. I don’t do diets. At least for me, the only safe and effective way to attain and maintain a healthy body is through permanent lifestyle choices. Short term changes cannot achieve long term results.

With that said, Randy and I have no shortage of reasons to share a good spanking. He often compliments my “nicely curved posterior.” I want to be attractive for him, especially when we are intimate. So, perhaps in this roundabout manner, spankings do motivate me to watch what I eat.

Angie: This has never been an issue for me (I have plenty of other issues, though...), but I've had quite a few friends who have tried DD to help with their weight loss. What most seem to have found echoes what the others here already wrote. In most cases, they didn't worry so much about X lbs lost per week, but whether basic diet rules and exercise rules have been followed. If not, well, there were unpleasant consequences.

And for those who like spankings as rewards, what they found was to not wait until the end of the week, but to reward frequently, such as when a goal was reached or when she had been good that day.

Katia: We have used spanking when I have cheated on my diet or skipped my exercise. I have never been spanked because of not losing weight. One thing I do is journal what I eat and Luke looks over it. It also makes you think about what you stick in your mouth when the calorie content in staring back at you. There are a few free sites such as fitday.com, and I use Lose it, which is a free application on my phone.

Val: How about this, diet spanking-wise? After a serious spanking, if all went right, one feels so high floating that appetite for eating anything is just not there. I know this because it happened to me many times. Afterward, when I am all done and still in sub space, I could skip dinner or any food or drink for that matter. The glow is plenty enough for me. Even the next morning, I wouldn't really feel like eating, being still high. So there you go. A good quality spanking before table time will cut down the food appetite, hence a reliable diet aid.

Kyle: How about fiscal responsibility through spankings? My girlfriend doesn't need to diet, but most of her bottom warmings are inspired by her spending habits.

Thanks to everyone who joined in our discussion this week!

MBS Spanko Brunch #181

It's time again for our spanko brunch. This week's topic was suggested by an MBS reader. It concerns the use of spanking as a motivator for weight loss. Todd and Suzy have a regular feature focusing on spanking and diets. Some of their participants seem to enjoy considerable success. But this week, we're interested in what you think.

Have you or your partner used spanking to reinforce a diet and/or weight loss program? If so, how effective was it? Why do you think it was successful or unsuccessful? If you haven't tried this technique, would you consider doing so?

If you would like to answer our question, I invite you to leave a comment below. Once everyone has had their turn, I will post an edited summary of our conversation.

Happy Independence Day

What's that? Another holiday so soon after Consensual Spanking Day?

Yes, for those of us in the United States, it's Independence Day. This is a holiday to commemorate the founding of our republic. It's also a fine day for a parade, a picnic, and a fireworks show.

On this Independence Day, we celebrate freedom of many sorts. Freedom of speech, religion, press, and association are all pillars of our democracy. We also salute the many contributions and sacrifices of citizens who established and protected these freedoms.

But there are other, more individual freedoms that we spankos can recognize. It's great, for example, to be free from inhibitions that might otherwise prevent us from enjoying this favorite pastime. We can also celebrate freedom from the belief that in order to be equal, women must always be strong. I am particularly proud to be free to explore my sexuality at home with Randy and, in a somewhat different fashion, here on this blog.

It's an exquisite irony that I should use my precious freedom to choose to be submissive. But having the ability to choose makes the choice itself all the more meaningful.

Happy July 4th!

Happy Consensual Spanking Day!

Our friends, Todd and Suzy over at the American Spanking Society, have declared July 3 to be Consensual Spanking Day. Today is our opportunity to celebrate everything that is positive and beneficial about adult recreational spanking. I could write dozens of posts describing all of the good things that spankings have brought to our lives. Oh, wait, I already have...

Anyhow, this is a day for sharing our love of percussive persuasion with our partner, with our friends, and where practical, with the world. I can proudly report that I have a date tonight with my husband, Randy, and with the smooth back of a solid wooden brush. I'm wearing a certain pair of white capri pants that I happen to know drive him wild. I plan to make sure he sees me give him that little hip shake and I might have to bend over and pick an item I accidentally drop right in front of his chair. If I don't deserve it now, I definitely will by this evening!

So how can you celebrate Consensual Spanking Day? Well, the best way, of course, is to spank and/or be spanked. I want to hope that many of us will go to bed tonight with a warm bottom. But that's not always possible for a variety of reasons. You could alternately buy a new implement for your partner, your future partner, or even for yourself. There's something wonderful about owning an object whose sole function is as a spanking implement. One can easily daydream about how, where, when, why, and by whom it might be applied.

Another way to celebrate might be to start a spanking blog. If you're anything like me, you've always had lots of thoughts, stories, and ideas, and the best of them seem to relate to someone going OTK. Perhaps it's time to share a little bit of your kink, whether real, waiting to be real, or imagined.

Or maybe it's enough to just smile and remind yourself how much you love getting (or giving or wanting or watching) a good, hard bare bottom spanking.

Regardless of how you choose to mark this occasion, I wish you a day filled with spanko happiness.