Sunday, July 19, 2009

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 19

This was a somewhat unusual week for brunch. Rather than our traditional question, we considered a psychological model created by our friend, D. Here are your reactions.

Anon VII: As far as it goes, I largely agree with it. I'd add another dimension to include implements (hand, paddle, cane, strap, etc.).

Hermione: I must confess that I find it puzzling, and would be interested in knowing D's definition of each of the four quadrants.

I wouldn't think that for play and erotic, speed would have anything to do with it, but then that depends on what the individuals choose to do.

I do agree that punishment would be harder than play and erotic, although fewer versus more surely isn't always the case. And I don't know what ritual means.

I think that what really distinguishes the type of spanking is the mindset of both participants. There's so much more involved than numbers and speed.

Dante d'Amore: For me, the main difference between punishment and erotic is the mental aspect. Both forms can be fast or slow and hard (though punishment would rarely be soft), but one is done for pleasure and the other for "non-pleasure."

The most important difference for me is in my own attitude and bearing. Erotic is playful and play is erotic. Punishment is neither.

As for "ritual," I have an idea what he is getting at but as I've said, a spanking is either for her pleasure or for the exact opposite.

There are many different ways to accomplish either one, but the end result I am going for is how it is defined.

A "ritual" spanking, if I am getting what he means, would be for pleasure. Therefore erotic.

If it was done to cause her mental discomfort, it would be for punishment.

Sting Me: I find the graph a bit puzzling and agree that there are other dimensions that should be included.

I too would like definitions of terms as they can be generic or very specific. strength of swats varies throughout my punishment session and depends on implement(s) used and whether he wants to build a real fire or just get my attention. He has a different rhythm with each implement and always uses at least three besides his big hard hand.

MySir has a ritual to precede or begin a punishment with questions and answers followed by a specific number of swats tied to each ritual question before punishment begins in earnest.

Irelynn: As a budding psychologist, I love diagrams and I love how D. has tried to create one that reflects his idea of various types of spankings. I think it's impossible to create a diagram that is representative of the general kinky population because our likes, dislikes and opinions and ways vary so much. I think he's had a good go at it though, and I think overall it makes sense. It may not be complete but it's a good place to start.

Ashley J: I don't think a simple four quadrant diagram can do justice to the various modes of spanking and as someone else mentioned. A lot of this is very personal to the people involved in the spanking. I also agree that the mindset of the spankee has more to do with the type of spanking than anything else. Even discipline can be fun if you think of it that way (I'm not admitting anything here!).

Dr. Ken: I'm not sure I agree with the diagram. More, less intense strokes (which could also be called "a proper warm-up") means the spankee can take more, harder strokes later on, regardless of the category. And speed, again, regardless of the category, has nothing to do with it. Just because you give someone twelve intense strokes that are well-spaced out timewise doesn't automatically mean it's an "erotic" or "ritual" spanking. I just don't really see the correlations.

Ally: As someone new to spanking, on a basic level, this makes sense to me. There are other variables as others have mentioned. Also, the way Brad and I do things, the way I experience things, and our preferences are always changing.

Jean Marie: I understand the motivation to classify, but spanking goes beyond the rational and precise. My evidence is my sexual response. I become aroused whether the spanking is playful or punishing. No dividing line can be drawn.

Kate: Why have classifications in the first place!? Everybody has their own way of doing things,and classifying, at least to me, is a waste of spanking time. :)

OTK Rob: As a newbie, punishment spankings did not work. I tried it with one partner and it definitely did not work for either of us. When I tried with another partner later on, we both just laughed and thought it was silly for us. It obviously works for some.

I do enjoy serious funishment and to some, it might seem like punishment, but with the emphasis being on make-believe "transgressions."

The best part is that the funishment usually ended up in even more erotic spankings as we went along.

Thomas_III: I think that the graph and system oversimplifies the actual reality. Yes, discipline and punishment are almost always harder, and usually faster, but those faster swats add up pretty quick, so I don't know if there would be less swats. More than likely, there would be more swats, just packed into a smaller timeframe. Plus, I differentiate between discipline and punishment. Discipline is hard, but not as hard as punishment. Discipline is also over faster.

Perhaps he should separate the graph into three dimensions, with x, y, and z axes. One could represent the intensity of the spanking, one for the speed, and one for the duration. The combination of speed and duration will ultimately determine how many strokes are given, not the intensity. I've given several LONG punishment spankings. Plus, erotic spankings tend to be on the short side, at least for me, while sensual (not the same as erotic) go longer.

I am intrigued by his ideas, though, and think that I'll look into my own interests to see what my own graph would look like. Ultimately, I think that it's a personal thing. Different people have different tastes. For some, harder is more erotic than love pats.

RPT (Fred Bloggs): Ritual and Erotic for me, BUT I think you would need a three dimensional model as it's more complex than this graphic suggests.

Our Bottoms Burn: I thought about how to reply as long as my wee brain would allow. I did not come close to figuring out how the classification system would work in my little world...

So I say what Kate said.

Sara: We mostly have erotic spankings although we have tried punishment spanking. We haven't been very successful with that yet, but I think how hard/fast/what implement/how many etc all depend on the mood and emotions of the people involved at the time and not necessarily on what type of spanking it is supposed to be. An erotic spanking for me can be slow and relatively gentle one day and another time can be very intense and hard, but both have the desired effect.

Bonnie: When D. asked me if I would be willing to share his model, I wondered whether anyone would be interested. I guess I got my answer!

I think the model could benefit from some refinement, but I believe there is value in trying to better understand TTWD. I doubt any institution of higher learning is likely to fund research in this area, so I suppose it's up to us. My hope in this case, and in all other regards, is that the more we comprehend, the more we will be able to help people become comfortable with their kink.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your insights!

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

I think we've all wondered what other things we might have in common with fellow spankos, and what quirk in our psyche makes us the way we are.

When I was little I definitely had a streak of emotional masochism. I don't mean I befriended bullies or anything; I mean more my taste in books and art, etc. I remember I loved the scene where Beth dies in Little Women. I liked the funny, lively chapters too, but they weren't as emotionally compelling. I loved the beautiful and tragic fairy tales of Hans Christian Andersen and Oscar Wilde, and preferred the heartbreaking original 'Little Mermaid' to
Disney's upbeat calypso cover. I loved the account of resilient Sara Crewe's troubles in A Little Princess. Couldn't resist any heroine who was martyred, messianic, persecuted or put upon.

Anyway, I know from observing my contemporaries and classmates that most people do not share this inclination. I think I was the only one who didn't dislike reading The Scarlet Letter in tenth grade.

My parents had a beautiful book on pre-Raphaelite art, and my favourite painting in it was an idealised depiction of the death of poet Thomas Chatterton, at 18.

Bonnie, if you're ever at a loss for a midweek poll topic, I would love to know if anyone else here enjoyed sad things when they were little.

(Just to clarify, I'm not a morbid ghoul, I love comedies like Frasier & Seinfeld, and my three favourite movies all end happily.)


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