Our topic of the week was testing limits. Here are your responses.
Jean Marie: My current lover spanks me so sublimely that I once turned to him and asked him to push my limits in any way he desired. That night, I got a hairbrush paddling that left me bruised and panting, but oh so turned-on. A week later, he worked my backside with the belt as I scissored my thighs together. I never would've believed that I could orgasm without direct manual stimulation, but I do now.
Then Kyle came home with a cane. He told me that I'd feel it the next time I was a bad girl. I was able to behave for almost two weeks before curiosity got the better of me. That first time he gave me six stripes and I cried and begged him to stop, but I never said the safeword. I would have been severely disappointed if he had relented.
That was over a year ago. About once every two months, I'll do something worthy of a caning. We never play with this implement like we do with all the others. It's reserved for strict punishment. I've gotten a whipping with as many as fifteen stripes so far. I must always stand in the corner immediately afterward. Then, I am tucked into bed without sex. The experience leaves me exhausted. But nothing turns me on as much. The next day and for as long as the marks remain on my butt, I'm an insatiable tigress. Canings test my limits, but in a way that just increases my appetite for discipline.
Daisy: Yes, I have tested limits. It was our first meet after chatting for almost a year, and falling in love. We had talked of spanking, HOH, and discipline. He was worried about it being abuse and hurting me when he loved me. With all of those obvious anxieties and the fact that neither of us had had a relationship like this before, we were apprehensive.
Your blog was one I found that helped me to better understand myself. I braved it and told him. He took a while, but eventually after reading your blog, he warmed to the idea! I had warned him online that I was a very strong-willed character. I truly believed I could outwit him without even trying, or wear him down, evade punishment, etc. So I was not worried when we first met. I was sure that I would win any battle of wits... (though, deep inside, I desperately wanted him to win..)
We had been together a couple of days, getting to know each other for real, and he had tentatively (and so sweetly) swatted my ass a couple times, in fun. Then I decided it was time to test his resolve. We had read your blog like the spankers bible, LOL, and had a safeword etc. But I knew I would never need it (!?).
I teased and goaded and cheeked and bratted and pushed my luck too far...
He decided enough was enough, and spanked me. It was our first real, punishment spanking. The artillery came out – belt, wooden spoon, and paddle! I was determined to stay the course, and I did. So he finished with a hand spanking that was harder than I could have imagined, along with a lecture. My ass wanted to pack and leave town!
He was wonderful, and psychic, because just as I was about to say the safeword, he stopped and held me tight. I don't doubt now that he is more than a match for me. I love that man so much.
Hermione: Over the course of expanding our spanking experiences, I have seen Ron's limits increase in terms of how long and how hard he will spank me. But he has never gone farther than he is comfortable with.
We haven't consciously set out to test my limits, and it is something I would like to experience. There was one occasion when I definitely got a lot more than I had ever had before. When it was over, I was totally exhausted and sex was the farthest thing from my mind. But for the next two days, thinking about the encounter kept me constantly aroused. It's an experience I hope we can repeat.
Thomas: I have often, both by my own decision, and by the request of my partner, pushed or tested limits. One time, Joyce asked for a full five minutes of nonstop hard hand spanking, just to see if she could withstand it. Lately, Cookie has suggested seeing how much she can take of each kind of implement. This series will be featured on my blog as "Cookie's Challenge."
Paul: I don't recall that Mel and I spoke about limits. I was expert in Mel's body language and could read her well enough to know when she was close to her limit.
This is the sort of subject I wish she were here to answer.
Todd (and Suzy): As a spanker, no. I've not had anyone test my limits. I’m not sure whether it would be possible, since I'm the one driving the action during a spanking. I have tested others’ limits though. The most common example is a “hard spanking.” This is something beyond what the spankee has experienced. Also, I have tested a limit with an implement. Examples include a first ever spanking with a wood paddle, or a spanking with a leather belt (which was a limit because of a bad experience with a pervious partner).
Those limit testing experiences have all been positive too, extremely positive. The spankee first of all was the one to bring the idea up. "I know I said that being spanked with a wood paddle was a limit, but I think I'd like to try it now." We then had an open discussion about it, and we made sure we're on the same page. We ~both~ understand that this is a limit testing experience.
For me, the exchange of trust is a huge rush. And for the spankee, it's experiencing something that she's long thought about. So the spanking is a powerful experience. It doesn't mean that it is always something that she'll want to repeat. It might turn out that the limit needs to return. Even when that happens though (which is rare), it's still a positive experience.
Mary: Always! Testing limits is fun and delightful. As good or bad as the verdict is, the fact is that you learn more about yourself and your partner, and that is great.
Impish1: I have never tested limits because I'm still trying to ramp up into testing my desires. Hubby is a vanilla trying to please me. He's much less worried, but there are many things that he is still too uncomfortable to try. Now that he understands that I want harder spankings, we have a new problem. He can't seem to get that it's only fun after a slow warm up. Eager to please me, he keeps getting very hard, very fast. Come to think of it, that seems to be testing my limits! LOL
PM Duo: We've tested limits pretty consistently as we worked up through using different implements. For example, using his belt was very difficult for him but he's mostly comfortable with it now.
I think these were mostly his limits as it was something I've wanted from the beginning.
As far as spankings, I don't think we've come close to reaching my limits. He still worries about pain and marks and has only once pushed me to the point where I wanted him to stop.
We only spank for fun, but I have a fascination with discipline spankings. We've touched on the topic, but he is opposed to it. I suspect my limits may be somewhere in there, but I may never know.
Lee: We're still working on that. I would love for my limits to be challenged, but we're hitting a snag. Every time it gets hard enough for me to say "ow" (you know, when it starts to get good), he stops because he doesn't want to push too much.
It’s a bit interesting to navigate that because he is a complete vanilla, and only just understands the idea of pain=pleasure.
Morningstar: Testing the limits is kinda my middle name. I love to see how much I can take, how many different implements can be used, and how long I can last.
What fun!
Oh, and I guess I should mention that I sometimes test Sir. I want to see if He can last as long as I can (poor Sir). But as He often says, He does all the hard work and I am left just "hanging around."
Prefectdt: Yes, I have had my limits tested, and yes, I will have them tested again. I have also often tested the limits of some tops. OK. bratting at my age is a bit unseemly, but it's so much fun! :-)
Jim: I tested the limits of one partner as part of a game. She agreed that I should set a timer between five and eight minutes, during which I would use a variety of implements with very solid force. If she didn't use her safe word, she would get a reward. But if she did, I would get one.
She came within about 15 seconds of winning, but gave out. I used my hand, a wooden spoon, a rubber spatula, a (padded) ping pong paddle, and a light flogger. I tied her over a chair and had a very enjoyable time. The reward was enjoyable as well.
Thoughtful Spanker: I've found that limits are never set in stone. What’s too many swats on one day isn't nearly enough the next week. “Too severe” today becomes “When does the spanking start?” tomorrow. The nasty, nasty bath brush changes to a sublime purveyor of pleasure. Limits, at least in my experience, are best set by communication, before, during and after the spanking. Watch for not just the spoken, but also cues and clues as well.
Welcome, Thoughtful Spanker!
Bonnie: At this point, Randy knows my limits pretty well. He doesn’t define limits in terms of a number of swats or time elapsed, but rather in terms of my physical response. We don’t really test limits or push limits, so much as confirm them.
Sometimes, when mood strikes, we enjoy this sort of play. It can be exhilarating to visit the outer edge of what I can tolerate. I trust Randy unconditionally. I know he will protect me no matter what happens. This confidence gives me the courage to let go and embrace the pain. It’s not for everyone, but limits play can yield a very powerful experience.
Thanks to everyone who joined our conversation. I hope you will return for brunch again next week.
