Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 30

Our topic of the week was testing limits. Here are your responses.

Jean Marie: My current lover spanks me so sublimely that I once turned to him and asked him to push my limits in any way he desired. That night, I got a hairbrush paddling that left me bruised and panting, but oh so turned-on. A week later, he worked my backside with the belt as I scissored my thighs together. I never would've believed that I could orgasm without direct manual stimulation, but I do now.

Then Kyle came home with a cane. He told me that I'd feel it the next time I was a bad girl. I was able to behave for almost two weeks before curiosity got the better of me. That first time he gave me six stripes and I cried and begged him to stop, but I never said the safeword. I would have been severely disappointed if he had relented.

That was over a year ago. About once every two months, I'll do something worthy of a caning. We never play with this implement like we do with all the others. It's reserved for strict punishment. I've gotten a whipping with as many as fifteen stripes so far. I must always stand in the corner immediately afterward. Then, I am tucked into bed without sex. The experience leaves me exhausted. But nothing turns me on as much. The next day and for as long as the marks remain on my butt, I'm an insatiable tigress. Canings test my limits, but in a way that just increases my appetite for discipline.

Daisy: Yes, I have tested limits. It was our first meet after chatting for almost a year, and falling in love. We had talked of spanking, HOH, and discipline. He was worried about it being abuse and hurting me when he loved me. With all of those obvious anxieties and the fact that neither of us had had a relationship like this before, we were apprehensive.

Your blog was one I found that helped me to better understand myself. I braved it and told him. He took a while, but eventually after reading your blog, he warmed to the idea! I had warned him online that I was a very strong-willed character. I truly believed I could outwit him without even trying, or wear him down, evade punishment, etc. So I was not worried when we first met. I was sure that I would win any battle of wits... (though, deep inside, I desperately wanted him to win..)

We had been together a couple of days, getting to know each other for real, and he had tentatively (and so sweetly) swatted my ass a couple times, in fun. Then I decided it was time to test his resolve. We had read your blog like the spankers bible, LOL, and had a safeword etc. But I knew I would never need it (!?).

I teased and goaded and cheeked and bratted and pushed my luck too far...

He decided enough was enough, and spanked me. It was our first real, punishment spanking. The artillery came out – belt, wooden spoon, and paddle! I was determined to stay the course, and I did. So he finished with a hand spanking that was harder than I could have imagined, along with a lecture. My ass wanted to pack and leave town!

He was wonderful, and psychic, because just as I was about to say the safeword, he stopped and held me tight. I don't doubt now that he is more than a match for me. I love that man so much.

Hermione: Over the course of expanding our spanking experiences, I have seen Ron's limits increase in terms of how long and how hard he will spank me. But he has never gone farther than he is comfortable with.

We haven't consciously set out to test my limits, and it is something I would like to experience. There was one occasion when I definitely got a lot more than I had ever had before. When it was over, I was totally exhausted and sex was the farthest thing from my mind. But for the next two days, thinking about the encounter kept me constantly aroused. It's an experience I hope we can repeat.

Thomas: I have often, both by my own decision, and by the request of my partner, pushed or tested limits. One time, Joyce asked for a full five minutes of nonstop hard hand spanking, just to see if she could withstand it. Lately, Cookie has suggested seeing how much she can take of each kind of implement. This series will be featured on my blog as "Cookie's Challenge."

Paul: I don't recall that Mel and I spoke about limits. I was expert in Mel's body language and could read her well enough to know when she was close to her limit.

This is the sort of subject I wish she were here to answer.

Todd (and Suzy): As a spanker, no. I've not had anyone test my limits. I’m not sure whether it would be possible, since I'm the one driving the action during a spanking. I have tested others’ limits though. The most common example is a “hard spanking.” This is something beyond what the spankee has experienced. Also, I have tested a limit with an implement. Examples include a first ever spanking with a wood paddle, or a spanking with a leather belt (which was a limit because of a bad experience with a pervious partner).

Those limit testing experiences have all been positive too, extremely positive. The spankee first of all was the one to bring the idea up. "I know I said that being spanked with a wood paddle was a limit, but I think I'd like to try it now." We then had an open discussion about it, and we made sure we're on the same page. We ~both~ understand that this is a limit testing experience.

For me, the exchange of trust is a huge rush. And for the spankee, it's experiencing something that she's long thought about. So the spanking is a powerful experience. It doesn't mean that it is always something that she'll want to repeat. It might turn out that the limit needs to return. Even when that happens though (which is rare), it's still a positive experience.

Mary: Always! Testing limits is fun and delightful. As good or bad as the verdict is, the fact is that you learn more about yourself and your partner, and that is great.

Impish1: I have never tested limits because I'm still trying to ramp up into testing my desires. Hubby is a vanilla trying to please me. He's much less worried, but there are many things that he is still too uncomfortable to try. Now that he understands that I want harder spankings, we have a new problem. He can't seem to get that it's only fun after a slow warm up. Eager to please me, he keeps getting very hard, very fast. Come to think of it, that seems to be testing my limits! LOL

PM Duo: We've tested limits pretty consistently as we worked up through using different implements. For example, using his belt was very difficult for him but he's mostly comfortable with it now.

I think these were mostly his limits as it was something I've wanted from the beginning.

As far as spankings, I don't think we've come close to reaching my limits. He still worries about pain and marks and has only once pushed me to the point where I wanted him to stop.

We only spank for fun, but I have a fascination with discipline spankings. We've touched on the topic, but he is opposed to it. I suspect my limits may be somewhere in there, but I may never know.

Lee: We're still working on that. I would love for my limits to be challenged, but we're hitting a snag. Every time it gets hard enough for me to say "ow" (you know, when it starts to get good), he stops because he doesn't want to push too much.

It’s a bit interesting to navigate that because he is a complete vanilla, and only just understands the idea of pain=pleasure.

Morningstar: Testing the limits is kinda my middle name. I love to see how much I can take, how many different implements can be used, and how long I can last.

What fun!

Oh, and I guess I should mention that I sometimes test Sir. I want to see if He can last as long as I can (poor Sir). But as He often says, He does all the hard work and I am left just "hanging around."

Prefectdt: Yes, I have had my limits tested, and yes, I will have them tested again. I have also often tested the limits of some tops. OK. bratting at my age is a bit unseemly, but it's so much fun! :-)

Jim: I tested the limits of one partner as part of a game. She agreed that I should set a timer between five and eight minutes, during which I would use a variety of implements with very solid force. If she didn't use her safe word, she would get a reward. But if she did, I would get one.

She came within about 15 seconds of winning, but gave out. I used my hand, a wooden spoon, a rubber spatula, a (padded) ping pong paddle, and a light flogger. I tied her over a chair and had a very enjoyable time. The reward was enjoyable as well.

Thoughtful Spanker: I've found that limits are never set in stone. What’s too many swats on one day isn't nearly enough the next week. “Too severe” today becomes “When does the spanking start?” tomorrow. The nasty, nasty bath brush changes to a sublime purveyor of pleasure. Limits, at least in my experience, are best set by communication, before, during and after the spanking. Watch for not just the spoken, but also cues and clues as well.

Welcome, Thoughtful Spanker!

Bonnie: At this point, Randy knows my limits pretty well. He doesn’t define limits in terms of a number of swats or time elapsed, but rather in terms of my physical response. We don’t really test limits or push limits, so much as confirm them.

Sometimes, when mood strikes, we enjoy this sort of play. It can be exhilarating to visit the outer edge of what I can tolerate. I trust Randy unconditionally. I know he will protect me no matter what happens. This confidence gives me the courage to let go and embrace the pain. It’s not for everyone, but limits play can yield a very powerful experience.

Thanks to everyone who joined our conversation. I hope you will return for brunch again next week.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for June 22

Our brunch topic this week was determining how much spanking is enough and how much is too much. Here are your thoughts.

Ms. Betty: When I spank someone, how much is enough and how much is too much definitely depends upon the person and the reason for the spanking. There are a lot of variables every time. No two sessions are ever the same. This is why I never use set numbers of swats or a set amount of time. I start with deciding what reactions I want to reach, then spank until I get them.

In very, very vague terms, for a fun spanking, I spank until the spankee feels sated. For punishment, I usually stop when there has been the proper amount of pleading and crying, the bottom is a deep enough shade of red and you can feel the heat in their bottom about an inch above the skin. Personally, I think it becomes too much when the skin starts to bruise badly or other injury develops. However, that is merely my personal taste.

Dragonmage: Ms Betty is very right here. There are many variables and no two spankings are ever the same. I have started a spanking with a set number, but I tend to not do that now. I look/listen for a result now – the moans indicating a spanking for pleasure has done its job, or the crying indication that a spanking for punishment has done *its* job. I do try to avoid bruising luvbunny as much as possible, but I like to see that lovely shade of red. ^_^

Daisy: I guess really this is mostly a question for spankers, not spankees! LOL But I agree with both the above comments. From a spankee’s point of view, though, I would not be happy being spanked by a stranger (e.g., these spanking parties I have heard about) as I feel trust and knowledge of each other are paramount to success. For example, I can SOUND very penitent and be sobbing, but if the spanking stopped, I would be disappointed. I might even feel cheated. But my BF recognises other signs, nuances I am actually not aware I make, body language, etc. He continues until he KNOWS he has really achieved his aim, to make sure I KNOW who is boss around here! Every spanking is different, and not just because of the type (fun, erotic, stress, discipline, punishment, reconnection, etc.), but also the reason, and the mental/physical/emotional state of both parties.

When the spanker does not know the spankee, I assume they go by the reaction of the spankee and the state of the area being spanked. There would be less emotional connection, so I presume they would rely more on physical signs.

Personally, though I like to have the redness stay a good while, and proudly display a few bruises (as a trophy!) to give that residual ache for a day or two, I do feel that the huge welts caused by canes, etc., are not so appealing, and broken skin is a definite no-no.

Olivia Manners: The purpose of the spanking has a large influence over how I experience it and what I can take.

If I am being disciplined, I really am sorry. The tears can flow more easily and I feel the spanking a lot more readily. The pain does not ease as much into pleasure, but into letting go of guilt and feeling forgiven for having endured it. The formality of a discipline session is also likely to increase my nervousness, which in turn can heighten how much I feel it. I was going to say lessen how much I take, but for discipline, it is more about having to take whatever I deserve.

If I am being spanked for fun or for being a “good girl,” then the how much is usually concluded by one or more climaxes and when my bottom is a suitable shade of pink. There have been occasions in this context where I have worried about his hand more than my bottom. :)

Across all of my spankings, I think there are other things that can affect how much I take. These include:

• Words such as, “You are taking this very bravely,” that make me want to endure more or a loving and tender, “Good girl, I do love having you across my knee,” that make me feel proud and want to take more


• The variation and order in which implements are being used


• How much of the time my knickers spend up, and then down!


• My monthly cycle

The only time when none of the above applies is when it is not about how much is enough for me, but how much is enough for him because my bottom is for his pleasure.

We have never used a safe word. He just knows where and how far to take me through the familiarity, connection and trust we have built up and I am always amazed and grateful at how he is able to do this. Like Daisy, I can't imagine how this would work with someone with whom I didn't have this connection. That’s because there is so much more than the physical/ formulaic signs of it being enough (redness of the bottom, protests, yelps, moans, tears, and the obvious arousal). It is the how much I can take mentally and emotionally that makes it so powerful.

Paul: All the above have brought out the one essential point.

Having never been to a spanking party or indeed spanked a stranger, so I cannot speak about those situations. But I think that the spanker NEEDS TO KNOW the spankee intimately.

Sure sound, gross body movements, colour are all aids, but it's the subtle body language that tells me when her needs have been filled or the punishment achieved its aim. It's always a learning process as the spankee grows and changes, the spanker must observe and learn. It is a dance of love and strength.

Hermione: This is something I have wondered about too, because I'm not a spanker. I've never been in the position (sorry!) of having had too much. As long as I'm clearly enjoying it, it isn't enough.

Our regular spankings generally follow the same pattern. They have gradually increased in duration, at my request. They go on for the same length of time, whether I'm in a state of bliss or distress depending on the implement involved. That's not a bad thing, because I can squeal or wriggle and not be afraid Ron will take it as a sign to stop.

The spontaneous spankings that happen during our love-making are totally unstructured and, while shorter, are often more intense. Ron decides when we'll move on to some other activity, and he always keeps me guessing.

Tina: Just today, we had a session during which I felt kind of lost and overstrained. It is hot here, and we had played quite intensively the two days before. I think my hubbie always realises such things. Still, there were some minutes when I would have preferred cuddling and no more pain.
We don’t have a safeword, because he always cares and watches, and I would not have used it today anyhow. I rarely ask him to stop, but if I do, I just use plain words. He then stops and does less painful things, and it hasn’t ever destroyed a session yet.

However, I wish I could judge my needs better and tell my hubbie in advance on days like today. Maybe, that is a matter of time and I will learn it one day. We often talk about these things and that’s what we did today too. The trouble is that for spankings and stuff to be perfect, the spanker needs to be in charge. So he can’t just stop whenever there is some whimper, especially not with a spankee like me, who loves to cry and whine.

So, in summarizing, I agree with Paul. The players need to know each other well and they need to communicate.

Alice: This is a difficult question. It seems to be a fine line. I am also a spankee, not a spanker, but He always seems to know. We don't have a safeword. He has, at times asked if I have had enough. I usually don't know. Sometimes, I think it is too much, but when He stops, I think I want more. He has always said He would rather leave me wanting more than take me too far.

Paul is right though. I think the spanker needs to know the spankee intimately.

Mike: For us, it varies each time. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes gentle. Sometimes, it's for long lasting sting, and other times it’s just for a quick little kick start.

How much is enough? When the right juices get flowing. How much is too much? When the spanking stops the right juices once they are flowing.

Stacy: My boyfriend and I are new spankos and we have been experimenting.

For me right now, too much is to the point where I cry. I haven't done so yet, because I am rarely punished (even though he threatens me plenty) or hit hard or long enough.

Enough is to the point where I am moaning with extreme pleasure, because at that point he's all over me.

Soma: I am also a spankee, and like others, my spanker always seems to know when it's enough. Most of my spankings are for discipline/punishment at present. However, I recently had a spanking just because I really was in the mood to be spanked. When it's for discipline, he always decides. But during the recent spanking, he asked if I felt I needed to be spanked more. At the time, I was not sure because I usually don’t decide. I honestly did not know, so the spanking continued. Afterwards, I was able to actually say that when he first asked, it would have not been enough. I wouldn't have felt satiated at that time like I was at the end.

I definitely have not reached a point where it has been too much yet. I think, like Stacy, it would likely be the point where I cry because I have a pretty high pain tolerance and, in general, I rarely ever cry from physical pain.

I am still pretty new to spanking, only having been spanked a few times, and my current spanker is a new partner, so we are still figuring it out. But we are definitely enjoying figuring it out along the way!

Greenwoman: My spanking needs vary a good deal. Lots of things affect my pain tolerance. These include how much pain I'm already in, hormones, mood, and so forth...

Enough is when I'm ready to safe word. When I get to that edge, then I've had enough.

Frankly, I don't know how he tells. I'm busy experiencing. I am sure that my skin tone and wriggles have a lot to do with his assessments.

I'm not a very experienced spanker. I've only spanked two men with any intention of giving some pain. There was a third, but that was a sensual spanking only. There was NO pain involved. With one person, his skin got cold when spanked and turned pale. He also sunk deeply into subspace. He seemed almost asleep. I never did find his edge. The second man was for one occasion only. He didn't have a particularly high tolerance for pain. I quickly found his edge. I danced on it awhile and stopped. He was pink and happy later. His signals were flinching and redness.

Rosy: It definitely varies from spankee to spankee and situation to situation. We never use spanking for discipline, but often for therapy or sensuality. Because of this, I almost always end the session by clearly letting my husband know when I am sated.

If for therapy, he knows to stop when he can feel the tears coming – or when my body relaxes. If for fun, he'll either ask me when my skin is all red, or I'll push myself free to... give him my thanks. Sometimes wiggling is part of the game, so it's always when I insist on pushing free. He's always watching for the end of our session, so I've never even been afraid of receiving too much. :)

Elle: It really does vary, doesn't it? Still, that's what keeps things fun and exciting to me.

The only personal point I want to add is that I always think I want far more than I can handle... until it starts. *giggles*

Bonnie: Randy knows me better sometimes than I know myself. This is especially true when I am draped across his lap and dancing beneath his loving swats. He sometimes takes me further than I think I want to go at that particular moment, but it’s very rare that he actually exceeds my limits. As others have said, this kind of familiarity comes from years of experience together and plenty of discussion.

Randy tells me that he monitors my breathing as much as any other sign. The depth and rate tip him off as to my true state. I’m not entirely sure how that works, but I can assure you that his technique yields effective results.

Thanks, everyone, for your insightful answers. I hope you’ll stop again next Sunday when we put brunch on table and spanking talk on the agenda.

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 29

This week's brunch dealt with limits. As you can see, this question drew a wide range of responses.

Abby: For me, it was the Grither from a Christmas episode of "Tales from the Darkside." I still quiver at the thought of it.

I don't, however, quiver at the thought of anything CP. My husband and I have always known we were spankophiles, and it's one of the things that brought us together. We had about a year's hiatus due to work and schedules, but now that we're back at it. Our enthusiasm is very high. I want to do and try everything I haven't tried yet. But before I met him, I had sworn I would never allow myself to be caned, and now it's my favorite implement. I think limits are flexible. They are as much about mental space and partnership as they are about personal preference. A few months ago we tried to have a spanking session and I wasn't ready for it. I was very limited. Now I'm ready for anything!

Mary: I knew I didn't like monster stories. I wasn't one of those people who liked to be scared. The only time I liked scary movies was as a teenager, and then it was only because it provided a very suitable excuse for snuggling with my boyfriend. I am much the same with spanking, although I do like those anticipatory butterflies. I prefer to know what is coming. Thus, I agree the limits are flexible. We pretty much talk a lot. Today, I can say I have done so much more than I would have dreamed up sexually. However, the outer limit for us seems to be getting a true commitment from my guy.

Hermione: We had a 2 1/2 year hiatus from spanking, due to privacy issues. My partner finally arranged for us to spend an afternoon at a borrowed apartment, just for a spanking. He even checked out the wooden implements at the apartment and selected a wooden spoon for use on me. (It broke, btw) That opened a lot of doors for us both.

Now, I would not dream of limits because I really want to push the envelope and explore new possibilities. Every session is a chance to try something new or go a little longer or harder. I guess if I had to come up with something I would be hesitant to try, it is being spanked in front of other people. But even that would depend on the circumstances.

Jammin: For right now, the cane is the implement that I'm not willing to try. Having said that, I would consider it with the right person. So I do have limits, but I'm flexible as well. LOL

My lover gets upset when he sees bruises on me. I remind him that I enjoyed the spanking very much and it just marked the spot. This too shall pass. Both twilight zone and outer limits scared me to nightmares, but I would watch again. LOL

Anon: Ah, memories, memories - me, too! We are the same age, and it shows.

I like what I consider the "spank" part of it really, so that is where I prefer to remain and what drives my limits. I don't want to try the cane, a switch, birches, or a whip. I'm thinking of a crop, but that goes back and forth centered completely on the question of whether it's possible to land with just the little tabby part on certain delicate places, and not the stick part!

If it were important to my partner, I would be willing to gently experiment to see if my limit is real since I have no experience with those. But I'd prefer not to. With the exception of the crop question, I also prefer the spanking action to stay on my bottom and upper thighs, very upper thighs, sometimes straying close to my more feminine charms. I'm not one who revels in it crawling up my back, down my thigh or off to other parts. I have very traditional, domestic spanking fantasies and I think my desires and my limits reflect that.

Paul: Mel and I didn't think much about limits. The only thing that springs to mind is that she feared the cane. That was only used for the most serious offences and can't have been used more then six times. Our spankings were mostly of the good girl variety. We were so in tune that I knew her limits without even thinking. Our D/s was mostly service oriented and not at all BDSM.

Ryan: I don't think there are any limits as far as the spankee (me) is concerned (within injury-free limits). A spanking is not necessarily enjoyable. It's a lot of pain administered in such a way as to teach a proper lesson. For a bottom to say things are outside his "limits," is precisely the point. A spanker, of course, sets her own rules. But real spankings (and not fetish play) really begin when limits are crossed

Galros: THE BELT. Yes, it deserves capitals! I've had some very, very, very bad experiences in the past with the belt and I don't like it. In fact, I go into hysterics even watching someone take off their belt in front of me. I mean real hysterics.

But apart from that? I can be talked into most things. Some things are just learned reactions I guess - a symbol of good/bad things to come...

PK: I really like this question because it shows how much we are all alike while at the same time we each like and don't like different things. I know at this time I am willing to try anything Nick might suggest. I might not say that if he were the hardwired spanko!

I hear about whipping on the breast, feet, back and it has never appealed to me. I am not planning to suggest the cane either but at the same time I am opened to any suggestion my honey has. In fact, I love it when he has new ideas and he can be assured that I will go along at least for a try!!

Mary: I disagree that a spanking only starts when limits are crossed. There is a difference between having boundary lines and enduring pain. For me, the belt is a favorite. But if I felt like Galros does about it, I wouldn't EVER want it used. Another implement can cause as much or more pain if discipline is the reason for the spanking. Doing something that evokes psychological discomfort or crosses intimacy boundaries is not needed. It is only by respecting those boundaries have I grown to trust my partner enough to eventually be caned or have my breasts spanked. Had he jumped ahead just to prove he was in charge, I would have left the relationship.

Carye: For us, I would say there are not truly limits, just things that one or the other of us isn't comfortable with. We share and talk a lot so we know where we stand on different things. We do evolve though and things that perhaps weren't interesting a year ago may be on the menu this year. Currently, the things we're not ready for / interested in or one of us has objections to are canes and corner time.

Purple Angel: When I first started out, I had quite a few hard limits, but they have fallen by the wayside as my experience and curiosity grew.

First of all, I am talking about limits with a very trusted partner. We have agreed to never use any implement such as a bullwhip or even a cat-of-nine-tails that easily injures skin. We are also careful with canes and switches. When we use restraints we don't use anything that will rub the skin raw.

But our biggest hard line is we never send one another away after a punishment spanking. I know there is lots of disagreement about this, but I don't see the point in sending someone to a room by themselves after they have been spanked and forgiven. Spanking is a loving, caring experience in my mind and aftercare includes lots of holding and cuddling. Since we are switches, we both use these rules.

The one other line is about public or private spanking. While we don't have much experience we agree that being spanked in front of others is fine in a play sense, but that punishment must be done privately unless someone else was involved in some way.

Great question Bonnie, and by the way, I loved the Outer Limits!

Jean Marie: The Pentagon tells us that they have a smart bomb that leaves walls of buildings standing but destroys all life within them. My lovers have all been "the bomb," but in the opposite sense. They've systematically demolished my barriers and walls while leaving this sensate creature thriving.

My first barrier was just to acknowledge to someone else that I was a spanko. The first boyfriend with whom I shared this did a splendid job of warming my backside with practice. We practiced a lot! He loved to rub the warmth both while he administered it and afterward. Fingers wandered up my crack, and soon he was reaming me. It was a small step to anal sex. This act is a lot like spanking. It makes me feel all the more submissive, it hurts so good, and a part of its sexiness is its over-the-line, outlaw nature.

I evolved to wanting to feel my lover's belt, and loved it when I did. We invested in lots of leather toys, and I made sure they got broken-in. I feared wooden ones (ever since my parent used a wooden spoon on me when young). But my behavior and our curiosity pushed at that boundary too, and one night I got a sound hairbrush paddling. Wooden toys are now reserved for punishment-like disciplinary sessions. But that wall of fear has crumbled, as well.

The cane was the ultimate step, or so I thought. I can be a brat, and marks on my bottom have always intrigued me, so we tried this too. When used playfully, it's like the crop. But playfully doesn't leave those scary, splendid marks. I've been caned hard several times. I hate the experience during it, but I absolutely love the after-effects. Another wall down.

Limits just provide something to push against. They provide the opportunity for quality dialogue. They provide a challenge. Just like with old-time, scary TV shows, much of the thrill is born from the unknown. I'm a modest school teacher. It was a mind-blowing experience to attend a Shadowlane party and have my lover tell me that he was going to bare me and spank me in a room full of people. Doing just that was even better. We couldn't get back to our suite fast enough to make love.

Bonnie: I’m a little surprised to hear so many brunchers say they have few or no limits. We have a number of them. Here are some examples:

• Spankings should be directed at my bottom and *maybe* the very tops of my thighs.


• Cuts and blood are bad. They ruin the fun. We steer clear of toys that tend to break the skin.


• No positions that make my back hurt.


• No daddy’s little girl stuff. The whole incestuous molestation trip is way too weird for me. I’m willing to pretend to be an older teen who can make her own decisions, but even then, it’s not with a blood relative.


• No single tail whips. I know there are experts who can apply them with great precision, but these toys are too dangerous for us.


• No serious physical injuries. This may seem obvious, but it’s worth stating anyway.


• No outing ourselves to friends, neighbors, relatives, or co-workers. It just isn’t worth it.

I don’t mean to suggest that anyone else’s limits or lack thereof are not precisely as they should be. Each couple must find their own best arrangement. These are not solely my limits, but rather firm guidelines we both accept. Randy can and does expand my boundaries in terms of pain and endurance. He plays with my head in all manner of creative ways. But when it comes down to these fundamental issues, we completely agree.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and insight. I hope you will join us here next week when the control voice...

No, wait, that's not what I mean at all. How about we have another brunch next Sunday?