Our topic for this last brunch in the month of June was attributes of an ideal spankee. Here are your thoughts.
Prefectdt: All my experiences of topping are of switching with a fellow bottoms/subs.
The best spankees who have come under my lash are communicators, those who have no problem telling their top what they want. What is enough? What is too much? Where do their hard limits lie? Do they want role play or just get a good butt warming? Does it always have to be a disciplinary spanking or do they like it for fun sometimes?
Basically, an ideal spankee is one who does not expect their spanker to come with a crystal ball and has no problems with saying what they do and don't want. Also, it’s a spankee who has no hang ups about having a safe word, at least for the first couple of plays until you are used to playing together.
Dr. Ken: A really good spankee, to me, would actually be a combination of almost all of those things, being able to mix and change them from time to time so that the spanking experience is not always the same. So they may resist one time, but not the next, and act bratty one time in order to earn a spanking, and another time simply tell me she needs one.
The one trait I absolutely would NOT want is stoicism. I gauge a lot of what I do upon the spankee's reactions. Therefore, I want them to verbalize, or squirm, or kick. I want the feedback.
Spanking someone who just lays there like a log without moving or uttering a sound is, to me, boring. I might as well go out into the parking lot and whack a Buick.
Daisy: I think he kind of likes a little resistance. This gives him a further purpose for the spanking, bringing me back to submissiveness. When I submit, he knows he has achieved his goal. Then he adds more just to prove the point.
With brattiness, he knows the difference between when I have forgotten my place, through temper, etc., and when I am acting up just because I WANT a spanking. Sometimes, in the second situation, he thinks up other punishments instead, to get the better of me... Grr!
Again, he knows I am stoic to begin, and when he reduces me to whimpering, then squealing, then crying, then acceptance, he knows he is getting through my stubbornness...
Depending on the type of spanking, I can be either reluctant or enthusiastic. I would be asking for trouble to be enthusiastic for a punishment spanking. He would think he wasn't being harsh enough! Whereas, mmmm.... erotic...
He likes me to collect implements but he also likes to surprise ME with new ones! He loves that I am turned on by a spanking, even a punishment spanking...and likes me to show gratitude afterwards....
I am not allowed to try to influence the spankings though.
morningstar: I don't know. But in my humble opinion, spankees are all those things. It just kind of depends upon which day it is, or what their spanker wants from them.
There are times when I am quiet and deep inside of myself. Sir knows those moods and does not try to solicit any enthusiastic responses. On other days, I am feeling bratty, or devilish, and I am eager to dance the dance of the flogger. So, I am very verbal and demonstrative.
I would think that spankees in general can be all of those things or none of those things. The trick comes from the pairing up those qualities with spankers who seek such qualities.
Hermione: This question is best answered by spankers, but I'll try it from a spankee's point of view.
The ideal spankee is submissive and does not attempt to influence the course of the spanking. S/he has a good tolerance for pain, and although stoic on the whole, is also capable of expressing non-verbal appreciation. The spankee is enthusiastic about spankings: before, during and after, and that includes collecting implements that both spanker and spankee would enjoy.
The ideal spankee is definitely turned on by the experience, and freely and sincerely expresses his or her gratitude, both sexually and in other ways. I think a kiss on the spanker's hand is a nice gesture.
Does the spankee keep a blog? That's a matter of personal preference. Not everyone has the time, talent or inclination to tell the world how wonderful spanking is, but a good spankee will make sure the spanker knows how much s/he enjoys it.
Paul: A good spankee must be able to communicate both verbally and non-verbally.
They should be a hard wired spanko, love fun spankings,be very turned on by them, and accept discipline ones with fortitude.
Sub, bottom or average, the good spankee is a happy, loving fun-loving individual.
Neither spanker nor spankee should take themselves too seriously. After all, you are in a spanking partnership.
Sherryl: I would like a submissive spankee. There should be no brattiness. As for the strong tolerance for spanking or sensitivity, I don't know. I would like it if they respond loudly and enthusiastically when I punish them. I would like it if they also collected implements, especially the more painful ones. No, they wouldn't influence the spanking and they would cry. As to rather they were turned on or not depends on what kind of spanking it is. Yes, they would in an appropriate way, and yes, they would blog about their spanking and I would be watching them as they do it.
Susan: I strive to be the perfect spankee so that my D gets the greatest pleasure when he deals with my bottom. Actually, most of the time, so do I. There is no need for me to “brat.” If I am to have my bottom tanned, it is D who decides when and how. It is not negotiable. He will indicate the pose he requires. It is up to me to fine tune it, so that my rear end is perfectly presented to him with just the right tightness and exposure. I choose my clothing with care. If it is to be a caning, I wear a pair of skin tight jeans. Otherwise, he likes skirts that he can turn up to expose brief sexy knickers which he can pull down if he wishes. As for tolerance, I can take quite a lot, but D has a good idea of my limits. I trust him not to go too far, even when I am restrained, and I do not ask for mercy. Occasionally, however, I may struggle to keep my bottom well offered to him. Sometimes, I find new implements, which I present to him, to see if he will honour my bottom with my choice.
My bottom is his to deal with, and he has been doing so with some vigor for a long time to our mutual enjoyment, despite minor sitting problems afterwards!
G: I must say, in all seriousness, that I have the "ideal" spankee in my life. To answer your questions in order, I'd have to say...
She's submissive during a distinctly punishment spanking, but playfully resistant during any other spanking. She doesn't act all that bratty, but does have a way of letting me know she really wants a good bun warming from time to time.
She's hardly a stoic (except during real discipline). She wiggles, kicks, puts her hand back, and "begs" me to stop from time to time. Loud? I don't know. But verbal and actively participating? You betcha!
She LOVES to collect implements, and points out potential new additions even when we're somewhere "vanilla" (She can find an implement in nearly any store...) :-)
She tries, but fails, to influence the course of a spanking. It's part of the dance and we both enjoy it immensely.
No tears yet, but they seem to be on the horizon. No worries either way.
She is quite demonstrative of her gratitude, from curling up in my lap to getting quite sexual afterwards.
Does she blog? You betcha! We share a new blog and write of our experiences from both points of view.
Brat V: As a spankee, I am a combination of all of these things. It depends upon the type of spanking that's going on. The only thing I am NOT is quiet. LOL Spankings hurt and I just can't take them quietly.
Some days, I'm bratty (more often than not, but only for fun, of course), and most of the time, I'm very turned on. Sometimes, I cry and sometimes I don't. I have done everything the question asked at one time or another.
And as far as collecting implements, I have LOTS! LOL Of course, that's to be expected since I'm the one who introduced my dear hubby, J, to spanking. It came quite naturally to him. LOL He's a great spanker. He's told me that if I was quiet or too still, that it just wouldn't be any fun. He likes reaction. LOL
GF: I think an ideal spankee is one who doesn’t pressure her spanker to respond to a website question. LOL Other than that, I some resistance is expected. But the spankee, Ms. Daisy, knows that it will bring more insistence to the game. She should respond as nature tells her. Being stoic is not usually the best response. A reluctant partner is expected only when it is a discipline spanking. Otherwise, enthusiasm is welcome. Yes to gratitude and blogging is always welcome.
Bonnie: I can describe the spankee I aspire to be. I seek to be a willing partner in whatever Randy wants to try. I have lots of suggestions and he is often receptive, but the time for those is not when a spanking is in progress. It works much better if I submit and graciously accept his stinging gifts.
I tend to not react too much until the pain becomes intense. Then I may yell or struggle, but I generally stay in place until Randy decides my bottom is appropriately toasted. I make it a point to demonstrate my gratitude afterward, because I am truly grateful that he has taken the time and invested the effort to give me what I crave.
I think one other element in being a good spankee is recognizing and appreciating how much fun spankings can be. We laugh often, sometimes even in the middle of a spanking session. It’s easy to fall into the trap of making spankings stern, serious business. While there’s a place for that, most of our spankings are pleasurable, if not downright lighthearted.
I Gal: I am always the spankee, so I can share what I believe are admirable traits. These are some that I strive to possess:
- Submission to include change of heart and attitude after disciplinary spankings.
- Loving lecture before, during, and after disciplinary for the same reason as submission.
- Fun and adventuresome in our erotic spankings
My hubby works on improving all of these and much more. This is why DD works very well for us. It is a work in progress. We are always looking for ways to be more loving and successful in both the physical and mental aspects involved in spankings.
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your viewpoints. I hope you will join us next Sunday when spanking will again be at the top of our brunch menu.
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