How would you define the term "spanko?"
I would like to hear what you think. To respond, just enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once we're finished, I will post an edited summary.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #276
How would you define the term "spanko?"
I would like to hear what you think. To respond, just enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once we're finished, I will post an edited summary.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Numerology
Sometimes, I get caught up in numbers. This blog has:
1,389 Posts
13,984 Comments
301 Followers
10.5 Million page requests
2,039 Days since the blog began
275 Brunches
50 In with the New posts
98 Spanking accounts
15 Fictional spanking stories
25 Tutorials
384 Text links
377 Chronological links
32 MB of archived data
3,660 Reader mail messages received
1 Tired publisher
Yet I know behind these numbers are real people. Thank you to everyone who visits this place. I hope you will always feel at home here.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 24
morningstar: Not every woman, no.
I would think they would have to have some inclination to pain. Erogenous zones have nothing to do with pain. For example, my breasts are erogenous zones, but don't you dare hurt them!
I do not consider my ass an erogenous zone. But ohhhhhh yeah, baby! I do love spankings!
Xantu: Oddly, I am not sexually aroused by spanking. I am energized and relaxed. The idea and the dynamic is arousing, but I need sensuality to actually get the motor running. Perhaps my bottom is not an erogenous zone.
CurtisG: I believe the answer is yes if one is interested in play, fun, sensual or erotic spankings. However, if one's desire is discipline and punishment – which is psychological rather than primarily sexual – the answer may be no. I've introduced many women to the joys of spanking, including some who never knew that it could be arousing. But for those who don't derive sexual pleasure from their bottoms, spanking is no fun.
Hermione: Definitely. The sensations of being spanked can quickly turn from painful to pleasurable, even if the transition is unexpected. I'm no expert on physiology, but that particular region is very susceptible to erotic stimulation from pain that other parts of the body (like breasts) aren't.
That's the nature part. From the nurture perspective, if a woman has been physically abused in the past, she might not welcome or appreciate spanking, even if it did have the potential to excite her.
Little Monkey: I think for any woman whose bottom is an erogenous zone, that the possibility is there.
The success or failure of the foray into spanking would rest mostly on the spanker, wouldn't it? How well he knows his spankee, and his skill level? I know from personal experience that even things I normally like can be mishandled.
Prefectdt: Not being in possession of a woman's bottom, I cannot accurately answer this question. Mine is 100% male and I suspect therefore a little physiologically different from my female counterparts. I am, however, interested in reading the answers of the other commenters.
Uncle Nick: I doubt whether everyone will be aroused, but that is not the point. The arousal may come later as the lady realises that of the two people who are in that bedroom, she is the one who is not in control.
Pink: Physically, I think any woman could enjoy a spanking as she nears orgasm. During those critical moments, pain is interpreted as pleasure, particularly in that region of the body.
However, I don't think that every woman who enjoys getting a butt massage would enjoy spanking. As other commenters mentioned, there is a deeper psychology at play.
Raven Red: To be honest, I never thought about my bottom as an erogenous zone until I finally embraced the fact that with the right man, I am submissive, and that spanking forms part of the relationship.
I still do not like the actual spanking, but the feeling before and afterward is where the arousal factor comes into play. But as Pink stated, there are more than one factor at play.
I don't believe that women who find the bottom an erogenous zone will necessarily be aroused by a spanking. Arousal results from more than just the physical element.
Anne: I know for myself the answer would be a resounding yes. But I also agree with the others who said it is very much an individual thing.
Todd and Suzy: I wouldn't agree. It's possible for a woman to have an issue with spanking or pain. She may really like having her bottom played with, rubbed, touched and so forth. THAT is a big turn on. But start spanking and it could trigger a very different reaction. This is probably more the exception than the rule though. If a woman enjoys having her bottom stimulated, chances are that spanking play will work as a turn on (even if it's very light spanking).
The biggest erogenous zone is the brain. If there is something there that says spanking is wrong, that's going to trump any other considerations.
S.N.M.: I think that all women whose butts are erogenous like to be slapped there a bit. But the occasional love tap is a far cry from what we consider a spanking.
I think that to be a submissive spanko, you need to be a masochist to some extent. I suppose spankees might be the overlapping area in a Venn diagram of Sensitive Bottoms + Sexual Masochism. Like most personal traits, its a combination of factors.
Kingspan: I couldn't tell you how common it is, but I have known a couple of women who were not at all into getting a "spanking," but loved the surprise and passion of having the occasional slap mixed in with other kinds of touch on the behind.
Bonnie, have you ever led a brunch discussion on how being a spanko is defined?
King, we've talked about the word spanko, and how some people like it and some (including Eve Howard) really dislike it, but we didn't try to define it. That's a fine idea!
Make Mine Red: My guess would be no, some are just not going to be into spanking even if they are aroused by having their bottoms caressed, massaged or whatever. That's hard for me to imagine since I like it all, but I'm sure not every woman would.
(I missed out on the Nature vs. Nurture brunch, I think it's a little of both.)
Velvet: I agree with Todd and Suzy, the greatest erogenous zone is the mind. If the mind finds stimulation in the act of spanking, whether that be before, during or after the event, then the owner of the sensuous derriere will be aroused. For me, the anticipation is an essential part of the pleasure and that is triggered by suggestive words or even the tone of voice, long, long before my bottom is ever touched. Our minds make us the individuals that we are, so there will never be a 'one size fits all' answer to your question.
Dr. Ken: No, I can't say I agree with that statement. It perhaps increases the odds a little, but it's hardly a sure thing. Spanking is very much about a mind set and an emotional set in addition to the physical side of it. Without the first two components, or at least some combination of the three, she might enjoy a light smack or two, but a full-fledged spanking? I think it's doubtful.
Emily Winters: I can't speak for every woman who has an arousable bottom. But for me, the sensations of punishment and play spanking are very different. Yes, punishment is most definitely more of a psychological experience. And play spanking, though painful, is always sensual and sexual both. However, I think every woman who likes a playful slap on the arse really ought to give it a try. You just never know where it's going to lead... Mmm... Rum raisin anyone?
Bonnie: During my first week of journalism school, I learned that statements about “all,” “none,” “always,” or “never” are generally false. I suspect there may be a correlation between women who respond positively to stimulation of their bottoms and those who like to be spanked, but there are likely to be many exceptions (for all of he reasons listed above).
As for me, it's all good!
Thanks to everyone who contributed to our brunch this week!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #275
Do you agree that any woman for whom the bottom is an erogenous zone can be aroused by spanking?
To join our discussion, simply enter your response in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has registered their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.
Monday, April 18, 2011
In With The New: Spring Awakening Edition
One of my favorite parts of being a blogger is the opportunity to introduce new spanking-oriented blogs and the people who publish them. Here is another fine collection worthy of your clicks.
To these new members of our community, I bid you welcome. If you would like some blogging tips and suggestions, try these. In any case, we're really glad you're here!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #274
Do you believe your interest in spanking is inborn, learned, or some combination of the two? Might it vary from one person to the next? Does it change with the passage of time?
If you would like to contribute your thoughts to today's brunch, I encourage you leave a comment below. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of our discussion.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The MBS Interviews: Joss
Which brings us to Joss. Joss is a bright, introspective young woman who recently started a blog named Confusing Territory. She has acknowledged her interest in domestic discipline, but many unanswered questions remain.
Because I hear from quite a few readers in a similar situation, I asked Joss if she would consent to share her story in the form of an interview. Happily, she agreed. We both hope that her thoughts, feelings, and experiences will give other readers the courage to accept this part of themselves and perhaps begin their own journeys.
Could you tell us a little about yourself and your life?
I am a Christian and I have mostly conservative values. There are a lot of experiences that I’ve avoided including smoking, drinking, and drugs. I have earned the good girl image, but I don’t consider myself virtuous. I’ve just never had the desire to do those things.
I have an older brother and my parents have been happily married for almost 35 years. We’re just an average middle class family. My parents always encouraged me to be involved in activities that interested me. When I was five, they enrolled me into ballet classes and I’ve taken them ever since. I did well in public school and received a full scholarship to a small university a couple of hours from my hometown. I’ll graduate with a double major in May.
Can you recount the time when you first realized that you had an interest in domestic discipline? How did you react to these feelings?
After coming across a domestic discipline web site, I developed an intense fascination. I felt as though I should understand where these women were coming from before making comments intended to “help them.” The interest was developing at that point, but I was still in denial.
Soon after, I was reading a post and trying to put myself in the writer's place when I realized that I was a little envious. What the heck? Yeah, I was envious and little disappointed because it would never be acceptable. Shock was the most prominent feeling and I refused to go back to any DD website for a couple of days. I finally admitted my interest, and that brings me to where I am today, which is trying to understand it.
As you worked to come to terms with this interest, what sources of information did you find beneficial?
I am still trying to come to terms with this. My mind no longer shouts “NO” every time I think about it, but there are still moments when I wonder what’s wrong with me. I referred to the Taken in Hand site the most at first. I read it before I realized I was interested in DD and then read it again after I became interested. It’s amazing how perspective changes everything. From there I went to blogs. Some were mentioned on Taken in Hand and others I just Googled (be careful with that by the way). I have scholarly, peer reviewed journal articles I found on Google Scholar. I also tried a few fiction pieces, but I didn’t feel comfortable reading them. I figure that fiction is not so reliable as a source of information.
As a new blogger, what are your impressions of our community?
The community has been very welcoming. No one has been critical or judgmental. There has been a lot of great advice and support. I think the best thing is how open the community is. It’s OK to be different. It’s OK that I’m a 22-year old innocent pestering all the adults in the community. I feel like a kid with a thousand questions, curious about this new world I’ve found and the community is full of wise scholars patiently guiding me on my path.
What is it about domestic discipline that fascinates you?
The idea of a HoH makes me feel centered. It appeals to me to know that one person is going to make the decisions and the relationship won't get rocky because we couldn’t agree on something trivial. I’m the kind of person who feels better after a decision is made, even if I don’t like it. It’s done and we can move on. I mean we can talk about it. I can give my opinions, views, and feelings so he’ll know to take those into account, but I don’t want to negotiate, argue, or fight.
Dominance is also something I find very appealing. Dominant men can make me feel grounded and safe. Their confidence inspires my confidence. I know that’s kind of generic, but it’s really the only way I know to explain it.
The last thing I find fascinating is being held accountable. I’m an adult and I don’t need someone making rules for me. But it would feel reassuring to know that when I slipped, when I messed up, when I’m not making progress, or when I start moving backwards, someone will be there to help me get back on track. I hope that I can do the same thing for him, though in a different way of course.
Can you imagine yourself someday submitting to a husband or boyfriend? How about allowing him to spank you?
I want to be able to submit to my husband someday, but I probably will never be submissive outside of marriage. I believe in waiting until you're married to have sex (I know, it's old fashioned) and I think that submission, even though it may not always be overtly sexual, is very intimate. I will only submit to one man and he will be my husband. It’s not something I could do in a casual relationship or in a relationship without serious commitment.
I feel out of place in the community at times because the idea of spanking is not appealing to me. I like reading Stormy’s blog because I can relate. She doesn’t like spanking either. However, it is something I would submit to. I wouldn’t ask for it, wouldn’t suggest it, but if my husband thought that it was the best for our relationship, I would submit to it. He would probably have to help me along with that submission.
Do you feel that spanking is an appropriate tool for maintaining accountability within a DD relationship?
It depends on the relationship and the couple. Even the thought of a spanking makes me cringe, so it would probably serve as a good deterrent. I'm willing to submit to it if it's what my husband wants.
However, if the wife or submissive, isn't willing to submit to spanking in the relationship, it doesn't matter how great the husband or dominant, it's not appropriate. When I say submit to spanking, I don't necessarily mean an individual spanking, but in general in the relationship. For example, there may be an instance when the wife is being stubborn and doesn't want to submit to a specific incident, but she's agreed to the lifestyle. In that case, it's OK for the husband to go through with the spanking. However, if the wife decides she does not want to submit to any spanking, then it wouldn't be appropriate.
Would you consider exploring aspects of this lifestyle outside of a conventional relationship (for example, visiting a disciplinarian or attending a spanking party)?
I’m a very vanilla person, and while I think it’s great that other people participate in other aspects of the lifestyle, they’re really not for me. I’m only interested in being with one man and having a monogamous relationship. It has more to do with my trust issues. I’ll have a hard enough time trusting one person. I don’t think I could trust a lot of other people or a person with whom I don’t have a serious committed relationship.
How has your exploration changed your life and your viewpoint so far? Can you envision where this might lead?
The most significant change in my life, other than the fact that I now spend a good deal of time reading blogs, is that I have realized that I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. My friends and I have always joked that I’ll never be married. I’m just not made to have long term relationships because I can’t attach myself to people, I’m not loving enough, etc. I just wasn’t interested in what I was seeing in the relationships of people around me.
After I started reading more and exploring DD, I realized that I actually do want a relationship. I don’t want a relationship where I am the leader, and I am taking care of everything. I want to be submissive. So I’m hoping this will lead me to a relationship, a real one, which is something I never thought was possible before.
Were you surprised to find and meet people who have embraced spanking, domestic discipline, and alternative lifestyles for decades?
I was surprised there were so many. I had a friend who was openly into BDSM, so I was somewhat aware of the culture, that is to say I knew it was there. I think what surprised me most is that there are so many couples who have DD relationships. I know it’s similar to BDSM, but in my mind it’s still separate. It’s also surprising how natural their relationships are and how loving and committed the couples seem to be. Another thing that kind of caught me off guard is that with DD, it’s not a kink that you only play with during the weekend. It’s a lifestyle that influences how you live every day.
Can you offer any advice to those who follow you along this path? What is the most important thing you have learned about kink or about yourself?
I think the best advice I could offer is to ask questions. I’m making a list of concerns that I have and I plan on bombarding all the wise scholars in the community. If there’s something that bothers you or something that you don’t understand, ask questions. Most bloggers are open and will always try to help. I would also advise taking things slowly. You don’t have to completely redefine yourself in one day. You don’t even have to come to terms with DD in one day. Walk before you run.
On almost every blog and DD website I’ve read, there has been a post that said there are no set rules for DD and I think this is a very important thing to know. When I first started exploring the community, I thought since there is no way I would do things like bondage, needle play, or breath play, there is no way I could have this type of relationship. Then I read on someone’s blog that a relationship doesn’t have to meet a community’s standards, but it can be whatever you and your partner want it to be. You can make your own rules based on what you need as a couple.
Thank you, Joss. Your knowledge and understanding are obviously growing fast. I wish you the very best as you continue to learn and discover.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #273
Have you or your partner experienced the wedgie spanking? If so, is it a part of your regular routine? How do the spanker and spankee feel about this technique? If you don't use it, is it something you would consider in the future?
If you would like to participate in our conversation (and I hope you will), please enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post and edited summary.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 3
You can read all of these wonderful poems here.
Thanks to everyone who participated. It was a different sort of a challenge, but you definitely rose to the occasion.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #272
Got the time to make a rhyme?
Words for a poem? We'd love to know 'em.
Talk about spanks or shanks or even pranks.
Make us grin. Score a win.
Share your tale. Please don't fail.
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