How would you define the term "spanko?"
I would like to hear what you think. To respond, just enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once we're finished, I will post an edited summary.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #276
How would you define the term "spanko?"
I would like to hear what you think. To respond, just enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once we're finished, I will post an edited summary.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Numerology
Sometimes, I get caught up in numbers. This blog has:
1,389 Posts
13,984 Comments
301 Followers
10.5 Million page requests
2,039 Days since the blog began
275 Brunches
50 In with the New posts
98 Spanking accounts
15 Fictional spanking stories
25 Tutorials
384 Text links
377 Chronological links
32 MB of archived data
3,660 Reader mail messages received
1 Tired publisher
Yet I know behind these numbers are real people. Thank you to everyone who visits this place. I hope you will always feel at home here.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 24
morningstar: Not every woman, no.
I would think they would have to have some inclination to pain. Erogenous zones have nothing to do with pain. For example, my breasts are erogenous zones, but don't you dare hurt them!
I do not consider my ass an erogenous zone. But ohhhhhh yeah, baby! I do love spankings!
Xantu: Oddly, I am not sexually aroused by spanking. I am energized and relaxed. The idea and the dynamic is arousing, but I need sensuality to actually get the motor running. Perhaps my bottom is not an erogenous zone.
CurtisG: I believe the answer is yes if one is interested in play, fun, sensual or erotic spankings. However, if one's desire is discipline and punishment – which is psychological rather than primarily sexual – the answer may be no. I've introduced many women to the joys of spanking, including some who never knew that it could be arousing. But for those who don't derive sexual pleasure from their bottoms, spanking is no fun.
Hermione: Definitely. The sensations of being spanked can quickly turn from painful to pleasurable, even if the transition is unexpected. I'm no expert on physiology, but that particular region is very susceptible to erotic stimulation from pain that other parts of the body (like breasts) aren't.
That's the nature part. From the nurture perspective, if a woman has been physically abused in the past, she might not welcome or appreciate spanking, even if it did have the potential to excite her.
Little Monkey: I think for any woman whose bottom is an erogenous zone, that the possibility is there.
The success or failure of the foray into spanking would rest mostly on the spanker, wouldn't it? How well he knows his spankee, and his skill level? I know from personal experience that even things I normally like can be mishandled.
Prefectdt: Not being in possession of a woman's bottom, I cannot accurately answer this question. Mine is 100% male and I suspect therefore a little physiologically different from my female counterparts. I am, however, interested in reading the answers of the other commenters.
Uncle Nick: I doubt whether everyone will be aroused, but that is not the point. The arousal may come later as the lady realises that of the two people who are in that bedroom, she is the one who is not in control.
Pink: Physically, I think any woman could enjoy a spanking as she nears orgasm. During those critical moments, pain is interpreted as pleasure, particularly in that region of the body.
However, I don't think that every woman who enjoys getting a butt massage would enjoy spanking. As other commenters mentioned, there is a deeper psychology at play.
Raven Red: To be honest, I never thought about my bottom as an erogenous zone until I finally embraced the fact that with the right man, I am submissive, and that spanking forms part of the relationship.
I still do not like the actual spanking, but the feeling before and afterward is where the arousal factor comes into play. But as Pink stated, there are more than one factor at play.
I don't believe that women who find the bottom an erogenous zone will necessarily be aroused by a spanking. Arousal results from more than just the physical element.
Anne: I know for myself the answer would be a resounding yes. But I also agree with the others who said it is very much an individual thing.
Todd and Suzy: I wouldn't agree. It's possible for a woman to have an issue with spanking or pain. She may really like having her bottom played with, rubbed, touched and so forth. THAT is a big turn on. But start spanking and it could trigger a very different reaction. This is probably more the exception than the rule though. If a woman enjoys having her bottom stimulated, chances are that spanking play will work as a turn on (even if it's very light spanking).
The biggest erogenous zone is the brain. If there is something there that says spanking is wrong, that's going to trump any other considerations.
S.N.M.: I think that all women whose butts are erogenous like to be slapped there a bit. But the occasional love tap is a far cry from what we consider a spanking.
I think that to be a submissive spanko, you need to be a masochist to some extent. I suppose spankees might be the overlapping area in a Venn diagram of Sensitive Bottoms + Sexual Masochism. Like most personal traits, its a combination of factors.
Kingspan: I couldn't tell you how common it is, but I have known a couple of women who were not at all into getting a "spanking," but loved the surprise and passion of having the occasional slap mixed in with other kinds of touch on the behind.
Bonnie, have you ever led a brunch discussion on how being a spanko is defined?
King, we've talked about the word spanko, and how some people like it and some (including Eve Howard) really dislike it, but we didn't try to define it. That's a fine idea!
Make Mine Red: My guess would be no, some are just not going to be into spanking even if they are aroused by having their bottoms caressed, massaged or whatever. That's hard for me to imagine since I like it all, but I'm sure not every woman would.
(I missed out on the Nature vs. Nurture brunch, I think it's a little of both.)
Velvet: I agree with Todd and Suzy, the greatest erogenous zone is the mind. If the mind finds stimulation in the act of spanking, whether that be before, during or after the event, then the owner of the sensuous derriere will be aroused. For me, the anticipation is an essential part of the pleasure and that is triggered by suggestive words or even the tone of voice, long, long before my bottom is ever touched. Our minds make us the individuals that we are, so there will never be a 'one size fits all' answer to your question.
Dr. Ken: No, I can't say I agree with that statement. It perhaps increases the odds a little, but it's hardly a sure thing. Spanking is very much about a mind set and an emotional set in addition to the physical side of it. Without the first two components, or at least some combination of the three, she might enjoy a light smack or two, but a full-fledged spanking? I think it's doubtful.
Emily Winters: I can't speak for every woman who has an arousable bottom. But for me, the sensations of punishment and play spanking are very different. Yes, punishment is most definitely more of a psychological experience. And play spanking, though painful, is always sensual and sexual both. However, I think every woman who likes a playful slap on the arse really ought to give it a try. You just never know where it's going to lead... Mmm... Rum raisin anyone?
Bonnie: During my first week of journalism school, I learned that statements about “all,” “none,” “always,” or “never” are generally false. I suspect there may be a correlation between women who respond positively to stimulation of their bottoms and those who like to be spanked, but there are likely to be many exceptions (for all of he reasons listed above).
As for me, it's all good!
Thanks to everyone who contributed to our brunch this week!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #275
Do you agree that any woman for whom the bottom is an erogenous zone can be aroused by spanking?
To join our discussion, simply enter your response in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has registered their thoughts, I will post an edited summary.
Monday, April 18, 2011
In With The New: Spring Awakening Edition
One of my favorite parts of being a blogger is the opportunity to introduce new spanking-oriented blogs and the people who publish them. Here is another fine collection worthy of your clicks.
To these new members of our community, I bid you welcome. If you would like some blogging tips and suggestions, try these. In any case, we're really glad you're here!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 17
morningstar: Does it change with the passage of time? I am not sure whether time is relevant, but I do know that in my case, health has a whole lot to do with it. I say when they took out my gallbladder, they must have removed the kink at the same time. Since then, let's just say I have no cravings, fantasies, or desires.
As for the nature versus nurture question, I think - again in my case – that it was/is nature. My parents didn't believe in spanking, and besides, I was one of those lil missy goody two-shoes that drive everyone crazy. I rarely, if ever, gave my parents reason to punish me.
Raven Red: My first recollection of reacting to anything related to spanking was when I was about eight or nine years old. I was spanked as a child, but on that specific day, overhearing and seeing someone else being spanked elicited a reaction that even years later, is vivid in my mind.
I denied myself for years. Early last year, I realised that no matter what I do, the craving and the reactions within me will never go away.
I do not believe that being spanked as a child pushed me one way or the other (learned behaviour). I am of the firm belief that I was born this way.
I have a natural tendency to be dominating, yet at the same time, I crave to submit. Being spanked forms a natural part of my submission.
In the past year, I was surprised to discover that I tend to follow a two-week cycle between spankings. The results of a spanking astound me. I immediately become calmer, more focused, softer and a person that I like.
OnHerKnee: My interest is definitely learned, and appears to be in a constant state of flux. I’ve had a lifelong desire that started as a child. I was given enemas ‘for my own good’ whenever I was feeling unwell or acting moody. It wasn’t abuse, just the way things were done in the 50s.
There were times when I resisted and got a quick smack on the bare ass. For years, I craved being given enemas by a strong dominant woman and never viewed spanking as part of the desire.
After my divorce a few decades later, I met a few women who managed to get me interested in kinky things, They identified me as a dom who knew how to spank a naughty girl.
As it turned out, I’m much more switch than dom. These days, the idea of being given a butt burning spanking is very exciting to me. There's no telling where these constantly changing desires might take me in the future.
Uncle Nick: For me, it is definitely a combination of the two. I have always found the idea of spanking very erotic, but that eroticism was blatant in the 1960s because spanking imagery was everywhere. In other words, if that imagery had not existed, would I have daydreamed about spanking all those years ago?
Xantu: Erk... um... hmmm... I am going to say nurture.
I remember of being so small, just a little tiny girl, and holding such terrible knowledge and secrets carefully hidden in my heart. I think that is the most corrosive thing about being a victim… being taught to keep secrets… secrets that fester inside you.
There was not a time I can remember when I was not sexual. There was not a time when I was not very aware of my body’s potential for pleasure. And there was not a time when that knowledge did not terrify me, deliciously, diabolically terrify me. That was because there was not a time when that sexuality was not steeped in terror and violence.
It took me a long time to find my way to a safe and simple solution of power exchange and kink for feeling a heavy hand on my backside.
Someone once asked me whether I wished it had not happened. When I stepped back and looked at my whole life, I realized that I am strong. I am smart. I am beautiful, perhaps more so because of the pain I have had to overcome. I know that I would not wish it upon anyone else. But like a shattered crystal vase lovingly reassembled with patience and glue, I cannot help but decide that I am all the more beautiful for the way the light catches in the cracks and stronger for the glue that holds me together.
Sara: I believe the interest in spanking is likely a combination of the two. For me, I am sure it was inborn. Although I have no clue whether my parents were into erotic spanking, there were into collecting erotica. My father had a collection of prints of bottoms, many of which my mom bought him, in his bathroom. Hmmm.
I know there was an erotic link with spanking for me even as a child. I was never spanked, so I don't have that association, but disciplinary spanking always intrigued me.
My husband, on the other hand, says he never had an inclination until I introduced spanking to him. It has now became a very regular part of our intimacy and he indeed has grown to 'think' that way. I guess like many things, it is a combo of nature and nurture.
CurtisG: I think it's different from one person to the next. For me, it was probably nature. I was first aware of spanking's erotic hold on me in the second grade when a pretty teacher picked up a classmate, put him over one knee while leaning against a wall and gave him a birthday spanking which I felt between my legs. After that (and perhaps before), all my sexual fantasies were about spanking as well as all my explorations in literature, movies, magazines,comics and dictionaries. I started playing in the 7th grade, realized I wasn't alone in the 8th and began to switch (I had always topped) in college.
On the other hand, I introduced many a lass to the erotic aspects of spanking who had never either fantasized or experimented. I have, by experience, always known that a woman with a bottom as an erogenous zone could be aroused by spanking. I've never have been into discipline or punishment.
Prefectdt: I just re-read my original comment on this subject and although my opinion on many things has changed over the years, I still stand by what I said. I think that there are pain-play genes, but psychological influences lead people to play in different ways. Spanking and BDSM are examples.
Hermione: I think the predilection for enjoying spanking is a part of who a person is, and it's something with which one is born. An early childhood experience triggers the inclination and associates spanking with sexuality and erotic enjoyment.
Like Xantu, I cannot remember a time when I wasn't aware of erotic feelings, and feeling terribly guilty about the secret I held inside. Somehow these sexual desires and their associated guilt got linked to spanking very early in life.
If I had had a different upbringing, would I still be a spanko? Probably. The trigger would have been different, but the preference for spanking would have emerged eventually.
Michelle Carlyle: I've had spanking fantasies since I was about three or four. I've been fascinated with it ever since I can remember. But since sexuality was a bad thing in my family, it's taken me years to embrace my needs. I thought menopause and therapy for an abusive childhood would change my desire to be spanked, but it hasn't. On some level, I think I crave pain to punish myself because my parents treated me like shit and made me feel like I was a complete inconvenience. But on the other, I just love being spanked and I always have. So in my case, I came in this way. All psychological reasons aside, I enjoy it.
S.N.M.: I'm going to chalk it up to a combination. Many genes require certain external stimuli to be expressed.
I think most of human sexuality works on that principle.
JW: I believe that all aspects of our personalities are genetic and that the environment/experiences we are exposed to throughout our lives affects how these traits are expressed within certain parameters. Environment could be the difference between whether a person engages in only fun play spanking or all the way to various levels of BDSM. These genetic predispositions may remain hidden or suppressed, but they are there nonetheless. If you enjoy spanking in any fashion, be it giving or receiving, you were born to do so. That's my opinion anyway. :)
Keiter: I'll offer a male dom perspective, though I speak only for myself.
My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was four years old. From a very early age, I vividly remember fantasizing in bed at night about the power exchange of spanking and whipping willing, submissive women. I never imagined that there really were women like this. Being a religious kid, I didn't masturbate until late into my high school years. When I did, spanking fantasies always were the thing that got me off.
When I had sex for the first time in college, it was great, but again, the tape was rolling in my head as I kneaded her ass in the missionary position or dreamed about smacking it in the doggie-style one. I've had a series of relationships since then, including a recently concluded marriage, and spanking has been an intregal part of my sex life throughout my life. I think that initial hurt at a very early age started me down this path.
Just a Girl: I can say for certain that I never had spanking fantasies as a child. Spanking is new to me. Power exchange, the dynamics of power in relationships and my submission, however, have been a part of my fantasy life as far as I can remember. I feel as though being spanked and the cravings I feel for them now was a natural progression, but it didn't exist to me previously.
Would I have craved spanking without the existing need to be dominated? I'm not sure. I doubt it though.
Florida Dom: I knew when I was a young teen. I think those of us in this lifestyle are all born with dom or sub or switch feelings, but some of us keep their feelings bottled up longer than others.
Annapurna: It would appear that our psychosexual drive is malleable enough to permit both nature and nurture a prominent role in shaping our interest in spanking. For me, I guess both were influential. I started when I was about two. By age seven, spanking had become deeply ingrained in my psyche as a means of sexual gratification/ There it remained for many years in the realm of fantasy and self-exploration. Only recently has it grown to such an extent as to include the outside world, including Tigger, my wife.
Respecting Mistress: In my case, it was 100% inborn. I have been fascinated by corporal punishment since I was a child, even though I never suffered any real punishment at school . Even at home, the worst I got was a slap on the leg. But I used to get incredibly excited and agitated when there was any caning or whipping scenes on TV. All of my fantasies were about being beaten by mature, powerful women.
I've tried to analyse my feelings over the years. I think maybe there was some chemistry between the fear of the cane and the excitement of hearing how others 'took it' that led to this fascination. My partner., however, never had any interest in the subject until I told her about my interests. I pointed out her slightly 'dominant ways' and her little sadistic ways (she took great pleasure in pinching my earlobes and tweaking my nipples). Mistress is now an ardent enthusiast of corporal punishment.
Web Ed: It almost has to be "nurture" although in two very different forms: the "true" spankos who begin fantasizing early in life (no later than adolescence), and the "artificial" spankos who learn to enjoy spanking in adulthood. Why we have two different categories is too lengthy to get into here, but it is certainly related to the age at which spanking is "discovered."
As to why "nature" will not do as an explanation, the problem is that we could not then explain the persistence of spankos like ourselves across many generations. An inborn desire (a "spanko" gene) would have to be heritable, and heritable characteristics are subjected to the evolutionary tests of survival and reproduction.
Under such conditions, aberrant sexual behavior (defined as any behavior that does not lead to reproduction) would be punished by the individual’s leaving fewer (or no) descendants. We would therefore expect any kind of genetically-induced sexual deviancy to diminish over a span of time. A simple example would be the male who drives away a potential mate by trying to spank her. He loses the chance of passing on his DNA with no apparent compensation. Natural selection, then, must favor "vanilla" males if spanking behavior is genetically induced.
The relative advantages or disadvantages of spanking to the female spanko, and the possibility that the spanko proportion of the population is so low as to be consistent with a genetic origin, are also too complicated to get into here.
Six of the Best: I learned about the beautiful subject of spanking from my school days in England. I witnessed a number of spankings given to students, both girls and boys. But most of all, I wanted to spank one of my female teachers. Of course it was a fantasy, but oh what a wonderful fantasy that was.
Emily Winters: My interest in spanking is only nurture to the degree that I did not begin to grow up or be reared until my husband and I met and he took me fully in hand. Then and only then was the idea even introduced to me as any kind of kink. Even then, I resisted it for years. So yes, it most definitely changes over time.
Now? Spanking is the best thing in my life. Whether discipline or kink, I do not know how I could live without it. Yes, things most definitely change. But ask me again in ten years.
Joeyred: For me, it is a combination of nature and nurture. My psychic DNA is programmed to be a bottom/sub. All of my fantasies and fetishes have been as a spankee since the age of 14. And, my nurture, 12 years of schools that believed in corporal punishment as the proper way to educate youngsters contributed to my craving for a good spanking.
Bonnie: Like Prefectdt, my answer hasn't changed much in four years. There are so many of us who cannot remember a time when we did not harbor this interest. This group includes people who were severely punished as children and those who were never spanked, as well as people who grew up in the spank-saturated fifties and sixties and those who came of age in the spank-deprived eighties and nineties. When we control for these environmental factors, there seem to be always plenty of people who are simply fascinated by spanking and/or being spanked. So my answer remains more nature than nurture.
I don't think we definitively resolved this question, but there were lots of excellent points made on all sides. Thank you for participating!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #274
Do you believe your interest in spanking is inborn, learned, or some combination of the two? Might it vary from one person to the next? Does it change with the passage of time?
If you would like to contribute your thoughts to today's brunch, I encourage you leave a comment below. Once everyone has provided their responses, I will publish a summary of our discussion.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The MBS Interviews: Joss
Which brings us to Joss. Joss is a bright, introspective young woman who recently started a blog named Confusing Territory. She has acknowledged her interest in domestic discipline, but many unanswered questions remain.
Because I hear from quite a few readers in a similar situation, I asked Joss if she would consent to share her story in the form of an interview. Happily, she agreed. We both hope that her thoughts, feelings, and experiences will give other readers the courage to accept this part of themselves and perhaps begin their own journeys.
Could you tell us a little about yourself and your life?
I am a Christian and I have mostly conservative values. There are a lot of experiences that I’ve avoided including smoking, drinking, and drugs. I have earned the good girl image, but I don’t consider myself virtuous. I’ve just never had the desire to do those things.
I have an older brother and my parents have been happily married for almost 35 years. We’re just an average middle class family. My parents always encouraged me to be involved in activities that interested me. When I was five, they enrolled me into ballet classes and I’ve taken them ever since. I did well in public school and received a full scholarship to a small university a couple of hours from my hometown. I’ll graduate with a double major in May.
Can you recount the time when you first realized that you had an interest in domestic discipline? How did you react to these feelings?
After coming across a domestic discipline web site, I developed an intense fascination. I felt as though I should understand where these women were coming from before making comments intended to “help them.” The interest was developing at that point, but I was still in denial.
Soon after, I was reading a post and trying to put myself in the writer's place when I realized that I was a little envious. What the heck? Yeah, I was envious and little disappointed because it would never be acceptable. Shock was the most prominent feeling and I refused to go back to any DD website for a couple of days. I finally admitted my interest, and that brings me to where I am today, which is trying to understand it.
As you worked to come to terms with this interest, what sources of information did you find beneficial?
I am still trying to come to terms with this. My mind no longer shouts “NO” every time I think about it, but there are still moments when I wonder what’s wrong with me. I referred to the Taken in Hand site the most at first. I read it before I realized I was interested in DD and then read it again after I became interested. It’s amazing how perspective changes everything. From there I went to blogs. Some were mentioned on Taken in Hand and others I just Googled (be careful with that by the way). I have scholarly, peer reviewed journal articles I found on Google Scholar. I also tried a few fiction pieces, but I didn’t feel comfortable reading them. I figure that fiction is not so reliable as a source of information.
As a new blogger, what are your impressions of our community?
The community has been very welcoming. No one has been critical or judgmental. There has been a lot of great advice and support. I think the best thing is how open the community is. It’s OK to be different. It’s OK that I’m a 22-year old innocent pestering all the adults in the community. I feel like a kid with a thousand questions, curious about this new world I’ve found and the community is full of wise scholars patiently guiding me on my path.
What is it about domestic discipline that fascinates you?
The idea of a HoH makes me feel centered. It appeals to me to know that one person is going to make the decisions and the relationship won't get rocky because we couldn’t agree on something trivial. I’m the kind of person who feels better after a decision is made, even if I don’t like it. It’s done and we can move on. I mean we can talk about it. I can give my opinions, views, and feelings so he’ll know to take those into account, but I don’t want to negotiate, argue, or fight.
Dominance is also something I find very appealing. Dominant men can make me feel grounded and safe. Their confidence inspires my confidence. I know that’s kind of generic, but it’s really the only way I know to explain it.
The last thing I find fascinating is being held accountable. I’m an adult and I don’t need someone making rules for me. But it would feel reassuring to know that when I slipped, when I messed up, when I’m not making progress, or when I start moving backwards, someone will be there to help me get back on track. I hope that I can do the same thing for him, though in a different way of course.
Can you imagine yourself someday submitting to a husband or boyfriend? How about allowing him to spank you?
I want to be able to submit to my husband someday, but I probably will never be submissive outside of marriage. I believe in waiting until you're married to have sex (I know, it's old fashioned) and I think that submission, even though it may not always be overtly sexual, is very intimate. I will only submit to one man and he will be my husband. It’s not something I could do in a casual relationship or in a relationship without serious commitment.
I feel out of place in the community at times because the idea of spanking is not appealing to me. I like reading Stormy’s blog because I can relate. She doesn’t like spanking either. However, it is something I would submit to. I wouldn’t ask for it, wouldn’t suggest it, but if my husband thought that it was the best for our relationship, I would submit to it. He would probably have to help me along with that submission.
Do you feel that spanking is an appropriate tool for maintaining accountability within a DD relationship?
It depends on the relationship and the couple. Even the thought of a spanking makes me cringe, so it would probably serve as a good deterrent. I'm willing to submit to it if it's what my husband wants.
However, if the wife or submissive, isn't willing to submit to spanking in the relationship, it doesn't matter how great the husband or dominant, it's not appropriate. When I say submit to spanking, I don't necessarily mean an individual spanking, but in general in the relationship. For example, there may be an instance when the wife is being stubborn and doesn't want to submit to a specific incident, but she's agreed to the lifestyle. In that case, it's OK for the husband to go through with the spanking. However, if the wife decides she does not want to submit to any spanking, then it wouldn't be appropriate.
Would you consider exploring aspects of this lifestyle outside of a conventional relationship (for example, visiting a disciplinarian or attending a spanking party)?
I’m a very vanilla person, and while I think it’s great that other people participate in other aspects of the lifestyle, they’re really not for me. I’m only interested in being with one man and having a monogamous relationship. It has more to do with my trust issues. I’ll have a hard enough time trusting one person. I don’t think I could trust a lot of other people or a person with whom I don’t have a serious committed relationship.
How has your exploration changed your life and your viewpoint so far? Can you envision where this might lead?
The most significant change in my life, other than the fact that I now spend a good deal of time reading blogs, is that I have realized that I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. My friends and I have always joked that I’ll never be married. I’m just not made to have long term relationships because I can’t attach myself to people, I’m not loving enough, etc. I just wasn’t interested in what I was seeing in the relationships of people around me.
After I started reading more and exploring DD, I realized that I actually do want a relationship. I don’t want a relationship where I am the leader, and I am taking care of everything. I want to be submissive. So I’m hoping this will lead me to a relationship, a real one, which is something I never thought was possible before.
Were you surprised to find and meet people who have embraced spanking, domestic discipline, and alternative lifestyles for decades?
I was surprised there were so many. I had a friend who was openly into BDSM, so I was somewhat aware of the culture, that is to say I knew it was there. I think what surprised me most is that there are so many couples who have DD relationships. I know it’s similar to BDSM, but in my mind it’s still separate. It’s also surprising how natural their relationships are and how loving and committed the couples seem to be. Another thing that kind of caught me off guard is that with DD, it’s not a kink that you only play with during the weekend. It’s a lifestyle that influences how you live every day.
Can you offer any advice to those who follow you along this path? What is the most important thing you have learned about kink or about yourself?
I think the best advice I could offer is to ask questions. I’m making a list of concerns that I have and I plan on bombarding all the wise scholars in the community. If there’s something that bothers you or something that you don’t understand, ask questions. Most bloggers are open and will always try to help. I would also advise taking things slowly. You don’t have to completely redefine yourself in one day. You don’t even have to come to terms with DD in one day. Walk before you run.
On almost every blog and DD website I’ve read, there has been a post that said there are no set rules for DD and I think this is a very important thing to know. When I first started exploring the community, I thought since there is no way I would do things like bondage, needle play, or breath play, there is no way I could have this type of relationship. Then I read on someone’s blog that a relationship doesn’t have to meet a community’s standards, but it can be whatever you and your partner want it to be. You can make your own rules based on what you need as a couple.
Thank you, Joss. Your knowledge and understanding are obviously growing fast. I wish you the very best as you continue to learn and discover.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 10
Curtis: We do it often in party situations where there's a limitation on time, spanking are mostly for fun and you can get at the area needing attention easily. But I don't do it in a way that makes my partner uncomfortable.
Raven Red: I have never experienced a wedgie spanking. Uncle Nick is quite adamant that all will be bared with everything removed. I think he realises that although it's irrational, I experience the total removal of knickers as the last defense being removed.
Respecting Mistress: Mistress normally punishes my naked bottom and rarely across her knee. However, there have been some occasions where I've been wearing some silky panties we bought from 'Panties For Men' and rather than pull them down during a paddling, Mistress has yanked them up tight between my cheeks. In all honesty, I prefer the intimate moment of Mistress peeling my panties down rather than giving me a wedgie!
Ms Scarlett: I've never experienced a wedgie spanking. I normally add panties to my spanking outfits to have to remove them. Master has a no panty rule as my standard. We will experiment I am sure.
When I spank my slave, he usually has a bare bottom already. I think this will definitely be used on slave, and soon! It could be rather uncomfortable and another quick reminder of his place!
Cedeno Gems: Ha! He doesn't do that very often, but it has happened. I don't really like it. It's not that it's uncomfortable exactly, it's more that my balloon was popped thinking I got off getting a bare spanking. When I ask to leave my panties on, he finds it highly clever to say “sure” and then pull them up to spank me bare! Meanie!
Emily Winters: I have to agree with Raven and Ms Scarlett. We are a no knickers allowed sort of household! However, there have been times when they are donned simply for the pleasure of removing them, and fairly quickly.
So, I have never had a wedgie spanking, per se. But this does bring back a certain memory of having my thong yanked up from the back of my jeans by an irritated man who could not believe I was wearing either item of clothing!
Hermione: I've never experienced one because I usually start out bare, but you've given me an idea for some interesting variety.
I did see it done once on TV, in an episode of the now defunct program, Kink. A dominatrix was showing her newbie pupil how to administer a flogging, and the male submissive wore briefs to preserve his modesty for the television camera. But the garment was pulled up high to expose as much of each cheek as possible.
Emanuele Lombardi: I can't say that I have ever done that. I have seen it and it looks as effective as it does leave the butt bare. I would have to say though there is something about lowering that last layer of protection that really appeals to me personally.
Uncle Nick: I once spanked a girl who was wearing a thong. When I tried to pull it down, she screamed blue murder even though it gave her no protection at all. When I pointed this lack of protection to her she agreed with alacrity that this was the case. Then I said that since they gave her no protection, they might as well come down – which they did.
You should have heard her yell!
Michelle Carlyle: No wedgies for me. If you're gonna spank me, do it right! Of course, my Hubby is large enough to lift me up and drag the panties down. Okay, now I'm horny. If you will excuse me...
Tender Bottomed Girl: I've never had a wedgie spanking. G believes in bare bottom spankings and any panties I'm wearing are quickly discarded.
Annapurna: I start bare, stay bare, and end bare. There's no wedgie issue for me!
Lizzie: Done right, I can enjoy a wedgie spanking (there are, unfortunately, ways that this can be done "wrong", at least to my thinking). I wouldn't go so far as to say that I prefer it, but there are certainly times when it works well or is nice for variety.
In a public play situation, such as at parties, this can be particularly effective at keeping away the creepers (who only want to see my naughty bits) while keeping up the intensity of the scene. I like a Top who is thoughtful that way.
Todd and Suzy: This is pretty common at spanking parties, and we've both experienced it there (from different sides of the wedgie, LOL). It allows for a bare bottom feel while still providing some modesty. Here at home though, it's pretty rare. The pulling down of the panties is a delicious moment that we both enjoy too much to skip. The exception is the playful wedgie, done before panties do come off. They do always come off too!
Neither one of us is a fan of a "thong spanking" though, and the wedgie is closer than a kissing cousin to the thong. So, yep, it's pretty rare outside of a party.
This is She: I have experienced the wedgie spanking, and I love it! It's not necessarily a 'regular' thing. It really just depends on him and the situation.
OnHerKnee: We've gotten away from the traditional over clothing/over panties or undies aspect of warm-up/build-up. We now favor the more advanced or perhaps lazy method of "Yeah, we both know how it's going to go, so get'em to the floor before you climb over." We then just jump into the regular measured ration of fondle or warm-up to suit the occasion.
Perhaps a return to the more formal "You'll have more to remember" methods could offer some variety. We'll have to consider it...
But I think that might be better be suited to preplanned spankings. It might not be well suited to the more frequent “We're alone, lets get your ass hot and sore” events.
The idea of a wedgie spanking could be completely different in method and meaningfulness depending upon which gender is laying over.
Pink: I love the wedgie spanking. I love it when he uses my panties as a handle to maneuver me around his lap. It's embarrassing. It's uncomfortable. And nothing makes me want to take my panties down more.
Rich Person: As a spanker, I agree that it makes a good handle. I'm surprised that no one has commented on how it might stimulate the spankee (in addition to the spanking). I would have thought that that would be worth at least an extra wiggle.
Dr. Ken: I like to start a spanking over a woman's clothing, then the skirt goes up or the jeans go down and I warm the seat of her panties for a while before proceeding to bare bottom (the "real spanking").
During the panty-spanking portion, I employ a technique that I guess we can call the "half-wedgie." Elastic being the wonderful thing that it is, I will take the left leg band and pull that up exposing the left cheek. I'll apply some brisk spanks to the exposed area, do some soothing rubbing, spank some more, and then make a big deal out of putting the leg band back down into it's proper position, smoothing the fabric, etc. Then I'll take the right leg band , pull it up, and repeat the process on the other side.
I'll give her bottom a few swats that way, and then I'll go for the "full wedgie".
For what it's worth, no lady has complained yet!
Michael: Yes, I have used the wedgie for spanking naughty and not so naughty girls. With Season, I use different methods depending on the situation. Sometimes, I start over panties and then either remove them or give her that wedgie. Other times, I start on the bare. I like to be spontaneous in how, why and when I spank her, so I mix things up. Season never knows what to expect. It makes a wonderful experience so much more special.
Our Bottoms Burn: With the right style of panties, the cheeks are exposed, so no wedgie is needed. Bacall normally has on panties for her spankings. I spank the lower cheeks. Near the end, I take them off.
Daisy: YUK! I would hate that! I wear thongs all the time and they are so comfy! But the thought of pulling them up tight between the cheeks? Well, it would detract from the spanking, as it would feel like a cheese wire! NO THANKS!
Having said that, it is unlikely to happen, as Davey never starts a spanking until I am naked. LOL
Bonnie: I'm a little surprised by how few positive responses were reported. The wedgie spanking is one of Randy's favorite techniques. I experience it at some point during at least half of my spankings. There was a time when I might have groused about it, but now it's simply part of spankings at our house.
He claims that it's simply easier and faster to pull up than pull down. Given my hips, I believe he's probably right.
I think this wedgie thing is part of Randy's panty interest I've discussed before. He loves when I wear cute little bikinis and similar styles that carve diagonal lines across my cheeks. Those same panties are trivial to slide upward during a spanking to expose my bare flesh to his hand, paddle, or hairbrush.
Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts about wedgie spankings. I hope you will join us again next week!
Saturday, April 09, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #273
Have you or your partner experienced the wedgie spanking? If so, is it a part of your regular routine? How do the spanker and spankee feel about this technique? If you don't use it, is it something you would consider in the future?
If you would like to participate in our conversation (and I hope you will), please enter your thoughts in the form of a comment below. Once everyone has spoken, I will post and edited summary.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Apr 3
You can read all of these wonderful poems here.
Thanks to everyone who participated. It was a different sort of a challenge, but you definitely rose to the occasion.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
MBS Spanko Brunch #272
Got the time to make a rhyme?
Words for a poem? We'd love to know 'em.
Talk about spanks or shanks or even pranks.
Make us grin. Score a win.
Share your tale. Please don't fail.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
