Monday, July 30, 2007

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for July 29

This week's brunch dealt with limits. As you can see, this question drew a wide range of responses.

Abby: For me, it was the Grither from a Christmas episode of "Tales from the Darkside." I still quiver at the thought of it.

I don't, however, quiver at the thought of anything CP. My husband and I have always known we were spankophiles, and it's one of the things that brought us together. We had about a year's hiatus due to work and schedules, but now that we're back at it. Our enthusiasm is very high. I want to do and try everything I haven't tried yet. But before I met him, I had sworn I would never allow myself to be caned, and now it's my favorite implement. I think limits are flexible. They are as much about mental space and partnership as they are about personal preference. A few months ago we tried to have a spanking session and I wasn't ready for it. I was very limited. Now I'm ready for anything!

Mary: I knew I didn't like monster stories. I wasn't one of those people who liked to be scared. The only time I liked scary movies was as a teenager, and then it was only because it provided a very suitable excuse for snuggling with my boyfriend. I am much the same with spanking, although I do like those anticipatory butterflies. I prefer to know what is coming. Thus, I agree the limits are flexible. We pretty much talk a lot. Today, I can say I have done so much more than I would have dreamed up sexually. However, the outer limit for us seems to be getting a true commitment from my guy.

Hermione: We had a 2 1/2 year hiatus from spanking, due to privacy issues. My partner finally arranged for us to spend an afternoon at a borrowed apartment, just for a spanking. He even checked out the wooden implements at the apartment and selected a wooden spoon for use on me. (It broke, btw) That opened a lot of doors for us both.

Now, I would not dream of limits because I really want to push the envelope and explore new possibilities. Every session is a chance to try something new or go a little longer or harder. I guess if I had to come up with something I would be hesitant to try, it is being spanked in front of other people. But even that would depend on the circumstances.

Jammin: For right now, the cane is the implement that I'm not willing to try. Having said that, I would consider it with the right person. So I do have limits, but I'm flexible as well. LOL

My lover gets upset when he sees bruises on me. I remind him that I enjoyed the spanking very much and it just marked the spot. This too shall pass. Both twilight zone and outer limits scared me to nightmares, but I would watch again. LOL

Anon: Ah, memories, memories - me, too! We are the same age, and it shows.

I like what I consider the "spank" part of it really, so that is where I prefer to remain and what drives my limits. I don't want to try the cane, a switch, birches, or a whip. I'm thinking of a crop, but that goes back and forth centered completely on the question of whether it's possible to land with just the little tabby part on certain delicate places, and not the stick part!

If it were important to my partner, I would be willing to gently experiment to see if my limit is real since I have no experience with those. But I'd prefer not to. With the exception of the crop question, I also prefer the spanking action to stay on my bottom and upper thighs, very upper thighs, sometimes straying close to my more feminine charms. I'm not one who revels in it crawling up my back, down my thigh or off to other parts. I have very traditional, domestic spanking fantasies and I think my desires and my limits reflect that.

Paul: Mel and I didn't think much about limits. The only thing that springs to mind is that she feared the cane. That was only used for the most serious offences and can't have been used more then six times. Our spankings were mostly of the good girl variety. We were so in tune that I knew her limits without even thinking. Our D/s was mostly service oriented and not at all BDSM.

Ryan: I don't think there are any limits as far as the spankee (me) is concerned (within injury-free limits). A spanking is not necessarily enjoyable. It's a lot of pain administered in such a way as to teach a proper lesson. For a bottom to say things are outside his "limits," is precisely the point. A spanker, of course, sets her own rules. But real spankings (and not fetish play) really begin when limits are crossed

Galros: THE BELT. Yes, it deserves capitals! I've had some very, very, very bad experiences in the past with the belt and I don't like it. In fact, I go into hysterics even watching someone take off their belt in front of me. I mean real hysterics.

But apart from that? I can be talked into most things. Some things are just learned reactions I guess - a symbol of good/bad things to come...

PK: I really like this question because it shows how much we are all alike while at the same time we each like and don't like different things. I know at this time I am willing to try anything Nick might suggest. I might not say that if he were the hardwired spanko!

I hear about whipping on the breast, feet, back and it has never appealed to me. I am not planning to suggest the cane either but at the same time I am opened to any suggestion my honey has. In fact, I love it when he has new ideas and he can be assured that I will go along at least for a try!!

Mary: I disagree that a spanking only starts when limits are crossed. There is a difference between having boundary lines and enduring pain. For me, the belt is a favorite. But if I felt like Galros does about it, I wouldn't EVER want it used. Another implement can cause as much or more pain if discipline is the reason for the spanking. Doing something that evokes psychological discomfort or crosses intimacy boundaries is not needed. It is only by respecting those boundaries have I grown to trust my partner enough to eventually be caned or have my breasts spanked. Had he jumped ahead just to prove he was in charge, I would have left the relationship.

Carye: For us, I would say there are not truly limits, just things that one or the other of us isn't comfortable with. We share and talk a lot so we know where we stand on different things. We do evolve though and things that perhaps weren't interesting a year ago may be on the menu this year. Currently, the things we're not ready for / interested in or one of us has objections to are canes and corner time.

Purple Angel: When I first started out, I had quite a few hard limits, but they have fallen by the wayside as my experience and curiosity grew.

First of all, I am talking about limits with a very trusted partner. We have agreed to never use any implement such as a bullwhip or even a cat-of-nine-tails that easily injures skin. We are also careful with canes and switches. When we use restraints we don't use anything that will rub the skin raw.

But our biggest hard line is we never send one another away after a punishment spanking. I know there is lots of disagreement about this, but I don't see the point in sending someone to a room by themselves after they have been spanked and forgiven. Spanking is a loving, caring experience in my mind and aftercare includes lots of holding and cuddling. Since we are switches, we both use these rules.

The one other line is about public or private spanking. While we don't have much experience we agree that being spanked in front of others is fine in a play sense, but that punishment must be done privately unless someone else was involved in some way.

Great question Bonnie, and by the way, I loved the Outer Limits!

Jean Marie: The Pentagon tells us that they have a smart bomb that leaves walls of buildings standing but destroys all life within them. My lovers have all been "the bomb," but in the opposite sense. They've systematically demolished my barriers and walls while leaving this sensate creature thriving.

My first barrier was just to acknowledge to someone else that I was a spanko. The first boyfriend with whom I shared this did a splendid job of warming my backside with practice. We practiced a lot! He loved to rub the warmth both while he administered it and afterward. Fingers wandered up my crack, and soon he was reaming me. It was a small step to anal sex. This act is a lot like spanking. It makes me feel all the more submissive, it hurts so good, and a part of its sexiness is its over-the-line, outlaw nature.

I evolved to wanting to feel my lover's belt, and loved it when I did. We invested in lots of leather toys, and I made sure they got broken-in. I feared wooden ones (ever since my parent used a wooden spoon on me when young). But my behavior and our curiosity pushed at that boundary too, and one night I got a sound hairbrush paddling. Wooden toys are now reserved for punishment-like disciplinary sessions. But that wall of fear has crumbled, as well.

The cane was the ultimate step, or so I thought. I can be a brat, and marks on my bottom have always intrigued me, so we tried this too. When used playfully, it's like the crop. But playfully doesn't leave those scary, splendid marks. I've been caned hard several times. I hate the experience during it, but I absolutely love the after-effects. Another wall down.

Limits just provide something to push against. They provide the opportunity for quality dialogue. They provide a challenge. Just like with old-time, scary TV shows, much of the thrill is born from the unknown. I'm a modest school teacher. It was a mind-blowing experience to attend a Shadowlane party and have my lover tell me that he was going to bare me and spank me in a room full of people. Doing just that was even better. We couldn't get back to our suite fast enough to make love.

Bonnie: I’m a little surprised to hear so many brunchers say they have few or no limits. We have a number of them. Here are some examples:
  • Spankings should be directed at my bottom and *maybe* the very tops of my thighs.

  • Cuts and blood are bad. They ruin the fun. We steer clear of toys that tend to break the skin.

  • No positions that make my back hurt.

  • No daddy’s little girl stuff. The whole incestuous molestation trip is way too weird for me. I’m willing to pretend to be an older teen who can make her own decisions, but even then, it’s not with a blood relative.

  • No single tail whips. I know there are experts who can apply them with great precision, but these toys are too dangerous for us.

  • No serious physical injuries. This may seem obvious, but it’s worth stating anyway.

  • No outing ourselves to friends, neighbors, relatives, or co-workers. It just isn’t worth it.
I don’t mean to suggest that anyone else’s limits or lack thereof are not precisely as they should be. Each couple must find their own best arrangement. These are not solely my limits, but rather firm guidelines we both accept. Randy can and does expand my boundaries in terms of pain and endurance. He plays with my head in all manner of creative ways. But when it comes down to these fundamental issues, we completely agree.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences and insight. I hope you will join us here next week when the control voice...

No, wait, that's not what I mean at all. How about we have another brunch next Sunday?


Caryagal said...

hmmm. didn't think it through all that far. Once I read yours, I'd say we have those limits also. I guess for us it just hasn't come up much to actually talk about those as it is kind of inherant to both of us knowing many things would be out of the question.


Abby said...

I'm going to jump on that too. I feel like I have no limits, which I guess is the wonderful part. There are just some things we wouldn't think to do, since we both share the headmaster/schoolgirl fantasy as our favorite. Just as no headmaster would use a bullwhip on his student (at least, I hope not), it wouldn't even come up for us. I've had much higher limits with previous partners because we wanted different things from the experience. Having a partner who desires the same "end" result means I don't have to think about those limits very often. Really great brunch, Bonnie!

Purple Angel said...

Oh I totally forgot about no age regression play at all for either one of us. We don't like it in any way. First of all I was molested as a child so it would be a horrible experience to do that.

That is a totally hard line as are physical harm, and any position that can't be held without stress or danger.

Sorry Bonnie my brain was on hold I guess.

Mary said...

It is funny that many times limits are not "thought" about. My partner knows that posistions that require too much focus to maintain kind of take me out of that "space" rather than put me into the right head space. I also do not like any incestuous scenarios. When we do the school girl - I have discovered that I have difficulty transistioning mentally into adult mode for sex so after that discovery - I am usually "18" - and young enough to be a brat and old enough to follow along into other fantasies.
I guess the truth lies in shared goals. I know my partner would never wish to trully harm me physically so implements that would readily break the skin or cause damage are not interesting to either of us.

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