Friday, October 13, 2006

What is Your Spanker's Type?

Spankers come in many different shapes, sizes, and personalities. As a reference, we here at MBS would like to offer this simple guide to spanker types.

Spanker TypePreferred ImplementDescription
HandAlthough generally even-tempered, the bear can attack suddenly and with amazing force. Don’t count on any warm-up or sympathy. Spankings are administered because they are needed. As soon as the spanking is complete, the bear typically returns to his jovial, good natured self.
Leather paddleThe beaver is into the sensation of the experience. All five senses are hard at work when he delivers a spanking. The beaver enjoys the sound and feel of a solid whack. So much, in fact, that he is likely to repeat the action relentlessly until completely satisfied with the results.
CropThe buzzard is nature's opportunist. Any exposed bottom is likely to be subjected to a fly-by swatting. Merely bending over can be interpreted as an irresistible invitation. If you don't enjoy frequent surprises, by all means avoid the buzzard.
Banana dildoEver the jokester, the chimp spanks primarily for fun. The more outlandish the scene, the better he likes it. His partner is far more likely to hurt from laughing than from any silly chimp swats.
WhipThe cobra is to be feared. Spanking is a last resort, and that's a good thing, because his spankings are too intense to be endured regularly. His goal is to inflict pain and deter future transgressions.
CaneWise and thoughtful, the elephant understands the deep relationship between spankings and his lover's passion. His every move is calculated to yield maximum benefit. Despite his plodding pace, the elephant can deliver a very effective bottom warming.
Hairbrush No animal is more stubborn than the goat. Often ill-tempered and impulsive, the goat will never settle for less than a thorough rump roasting. Forget your excuses, alibis, and diversions. They won't work here.
Leather strapThe hound is interested in one thing and one thing only. For him, spanking is quite literally a means to an end. Sex is at the very top of the hound's shopping list and if spanking will get him there, then spanking it shall be.
Wooden paddleProud and dignified, the lion represents chivalry and respect. Spanking, for him, is not a duty to be taken lightly. He feels a solemn responsibility to paddle hard and then graciously forgive the recipient. Fairness is paramount.
Fur-covered paddleUnlike the hound, the sex sought by the rabbit is for mutual satisfaction, not unilateral conquest. In tune with his partner's needs, the rabbit spanks purely as foreplay. Unless, of course, she really likes it...
Executive dungeon (seldom used)Fond of preening and strutting, the rooster is the barnyard show-off. He seeks a partner about whom he can crow. He is more likely to be talking about spanking than actually participating. Nevertheless, a rooster will spank occasionally, especially if he thinks he might have an audience.
Anything handyThe sloth is a lazy spanker. Even when presented with a paddle and a woman across his lap, he still needs a reason to spank. He's not opposed to the idea, but merely slow to act. For the sake of his partner, let's hope his engraved invitation arrives soon.

I hope this brief summary of spanker types has helped you to better understand the complex variety of spankers you might meet.

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padme said...

:) Really neat blog post, bonnie.
Enjoy your weekend.

Mistress Sky said...

LOL Genius! I'm so glad I married a Rabbit - with feathers;)


Pandora Blake said...

Hee! Oh, that's wonderful! I think I definitely have a hound, and the other has a bit of lion and a bit of elephant about him. I will no doubt suffer the inevitable consequences if they see me say so, though...!

Thanks for the giggle :)

Pandora Blake said...

Ah, sorry: definitely rabbit, not hound. I should read these things more carefully before making pronouncements like that!

Master Fitznicely said...

That's a great list, Bonnie!

I think at various times I can be Bear, Beaver, Elephant, Rabbit or Lion. Well, I try, anyway.

Kayley said...

That was so much fun, Bonnie!! I've already classified my guy and guess what? It's correct. hehe ;)


Danielle said...

Most of the time he surely is the beaver. Smile!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...I'd have to say that my hubby is a very yummy combination of the elephant, the hound, and the rabbit!!! Which makes me quite happy!!!


Anonymous said...

D is a Beaver, with a Buzzard hovering overhead S

SpankedMinx said...

Yup I married an elephant :O)

MaggieDear said...

Okay, when the time comes can I have all of the above except the cobra ... never, never, and only as a last resort the rooster and sloth.
That was fun Bonnie!

New Beginnings said...

I think Nick is a combination of several (like most men) but if I picked just one it woule be the rabbit! And that make me very happy, as long as a few of the other creep in occasionally.


Anne Elizabeth said...

Incredibly creative post, Bonnie !!!

I'm a dog and rabbit fan myself...

Have a great weekend !

Anne Elizabeth

Tiggr said...

Ah, Dante's got the whole freakin' zoo wrapped up inside him... but then, I already knew that... that's precisely why I married him... that's the only way he could keep up with me, let alone rein me in or tame me...


good girl said...

LOL, perhaps you can guess which type of spanker my Grizzly Bear is? :-) Yup, he's just a great big bear in every facet of his personality, even down to his spanking.

Loved this, so very cute.

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