Sunday, September 11, 2011

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Sept 11

Our topic this week was whether a fantasy can be suppressed. Here are your thoughts.

Daisy: I think if you truly believed it was wrong and violent, you not only could, but would move away from it, without a backward glance.

I have seen things on other blogs that I thought were verging on abusive. I have never gone back for a second look. That just doesn't interest me.

Joeyred: I believe that you can try to repress the fantasy and create lots of reasons why you should ignore it. However, if it is part of your DNA, it will linger. For years, I repressed the fantasy, but it would not go away. So I began a journey of self discovery. The breakthrough for me was the discovery of Zelle's blog quite by accident. I was fascinated by her insights and realized that intelligent, witty and successful people had the same fantasy. The loss of a dear friend at a young age melted my inhibitions and I decided to fulfill my fantasy of being spanked.

After years of fighting to repress my fantasy, I finally experienced the excitement and fun of a spanking. If anything, I regret that I did not begin at an earlier age. Not only have I met a group of terrific spanko friends, I finally feel that a large part of what makes me who I am has been fulfilled.

Meow: My fantasy about spanking is harsher and more violent than I would want in real life. I prefer the reality, but I find the fantasy exciting. Similarly, I find the idea of sky diving exciting, but I would never do it. For me, dissatisfaction comes when there is no spanking!

Hermione: Fantasies are just that. They are not real, and don't necessarily have any bearing on real life. I indulge in fantasies that are arousing to me, but they aren't anything close to what I would actually want to encounter in real life. Like Meow, I prefer the reality. There's no reason to judge your fantasies or try to avoid them. They are what they are. It's okay to fantasize.

As for deciding that spanking is wrong, if it appeals to you and is safe, sane and consensual, then there is no harm in it. If it does not appeal to you or arouse you, then like Daisy said, walk away.

PK: I'm right there with Meow and Hermione. I love real life and the fact that spanking is a part of my life now, but my fantasies are fun too. Many of them are way more severe than I want in my real life. My fantasies kept me going until the real thing came along and now many of then find their way into my fiction stories.

Before I found like-minded friends and began blogging, I would sometimes come to feel that the whole spanking thing was wrong and I was “sick.” I'd decide to stop fantasizing about it. When that happened, I would become severely depressed. For me, spanking fantasies keep me mentally happy and well balanced. The real thing helps even more, so I don't see myself ever giving them up.

Emily: There's a HUGE difference between consensual non-consent and abuse. I was in a dark place when I suppressed my spanking fantasies because I wasn't being true to myself. Living the "normal" way is someone else's life, not mine.

If you can't be honest with the person with whom you're in a relationship, it may be time to reevaluate that relationship.

Michael M: It is very probable that you either are or are not a spankophile. If you are, then you will have your own way of fantasizing about your desires. If you want to imagine and dream about being whipped, but would prefer not to have it happen in reality, that is perfectly fine. If you would like to be gently spanked to a modicum of redness, that is who you are. If, however, you think would like to be tied to a spanking bench and beaten with a cane, then give it a try, but do so with someone who will stop if you don't enjoy it.

To thine own self be true, as the man said.

Six of the Best: I have always felt that I can keep my spanking fantasies under control. Yes, in my lifetime I've spanked a number of consensual female partners with mutual satisfaction. And yes, spanking blogs are fun, a joy to read, and bring to me normalcy.

Anon: I ran from my fantasies. It was not because I thought they were violent, but because I thought they were dirty and wrong and demeaning to women. But my fantasies caught up with me. I couldn't get away. I got over my hang-ups and no longer think they are dirty (well, maybe a little) or demeaning (as long as it's consensual). But if I thought my fantasies were violent, truly violent, I'd work harder to suppress them. I feel blessed that I've never experienced true violence. I think that would make all the difference.

Bobbie Jo: I must say this is an interesting question. I believe that a person can stop fantasising about anything. It isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can been done. If anyone thinks spanking is wrong and should not be engaged in, the first line of defence is to stop fantasising about it.

Having said that, I have to be honest and say that for years I was able to "forget" about spanking entirely, or so I thought. After about twenty years of not thinking about it, it came over me like a tsunami a couple of months after my husband died. I have never been successful in eradicating it totally and I have learned that it really never goes away, at least for most of us. I have only been spanked by one person as an adult and neither of us knew what we were doing. He was a therapist. Wrong move.

I still struggle with the idea that something is wrong here. After doing a lot of research on the issue, I am really troubled by a lot of what I have seen, consensual or not. I know all of us have struggled at some time with spanking and wondering whether it is wrong and considering it as very weird.

I have no answers, only ideas and suggestions. I guess that is all any of us have.

CurtisG: If you are a lifelong spanko, it's at the heart of your sexuality and, like me, you've known that since childhood, you'll never be able to put it away. Spanking has always been for me about fun, play, sensuality and arousal. I've witnessed or heard or read about scenes that are violent and abusive and, if that were in my view of things, I would turn away. But that's never been me in either fantasy or reality. I pursued spanking when I was young, but didn't advertise that I was into it. Eve Howard's early writings made me comfortable in my own skin. So, I'd have to say that it's impossible to turn away from what's your nature. You know that your nature is not dangerous, or abusive or anything even close.

Scunge: NO and YES.

S.N.M.: Nope.

A'marie: To me, it's about where the fantasy lies. I have fantasies with varying degrees of kink and possibility.

I think that for the most part, the answer would be yes. I think in this case, if I were to decide spanking were wrong and violent, it would be a gradual change of thought. Thus, over time, my fantasies would have changed, too.

I've repressed spanking before for relationships, and I'm sure I could do it again. But yes, the dissatisfaction would be there to some degree.

Lea: Can you repress a fantasy? I think so. I had more than a passing interest in spanking for a long time before I ever acted on it a few years ago. If, for some reason, everything was suddenly cut off and I couldn't do it anymore, I'd live, but it would be harder now that I'd know what I'd be missing.

Molly: I think fantasies are ever-changing and evolving 'stories' within our minds. As we have real life experiences, read, see pictures, movies or talk with others, our fantasies change in response to this.

You can definitely repress fantasies. Sometimes, this happens as our fantasy develops and changes within our mind. We fade out some areas and focus in on others. This is a kind of involuntary suppression.

A more active repression is also possible. Sometimes, our fantasies challenge us beyond what we are ready for and so shut them away. Does that lead to dissatisfaction? I think that very much depends on the level of repression. I think if it leads to you cutting off your imagination and fantasies altogether, it could be very harmful. I believe our minds need space to explore all of our thoughts. Trying to switch that off just denies ourselves a true exploration of everything that we are.

Prefectdt: The simple answer is no. I cannot suppress the spanking thing and trying to deny it in the past has lead to bad things in my life.

MarQe: If spanking arouses your interest, why even consider repressing it ? If you need it, then find someone you trust to administer it. A good sound spanking will soon let you know one way or another whether you have made the right decision!

Season: I echo what Meow, Hermione, and PK said. My fantasies go much further than what I do in reality. There were times in the past when I tried to suppress those spanking desires, but it never lasted long. I have accepted that it is part of how I am wired and something I'm meant to enjoy.

Daisy: I didn't take the question to be whether we could turn away from spanking without missing it. The key phrase for me was "if you decided that spanking was wrong and violent."

I used to fantasise about all sorts of scenarios when I was younger, and they all involved my (then) husband spanking me. We often played about with it, but without the benefit of internet or others to talk to about it, we were so useless!

Then he came home drunk one night, in a temper, and decided to cane me. It was definitely NOT consensual. Suffice it to say, it was a bad experience.

So, it's not difficult at all, to decide that this was wrong and violent, AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Davey knows all about it, and agreed the cane will never, ever, feature in our relationship, unless I expressly request it, which I never will.

Spanking is a part of me and a part of us, but any part that causes those feelings (that something is wrong and or violent) has no place in my life and can be thrown out without a backward glance. We can manage our spankings quite nicely without a cane, thank you very much!

Bonnie: We have discussed several times the practicality of suppressing one's spanking interest. The majority answer to this question seems to be that it's possible, but problematic for those of us who crave it.

In contrast, this week's question deals specifically with fantasies. I find that I have two kinds of fantasies. The first are the generalized, long term variety. They have changed only in minor detail since I was a young teen. The second type are more fleeting and evolve over time. These may appear, disappear, and reappear without warning.

The permanent fantasies are a part of me. They cannot be suppressed without changing who I am. The transient fantasies can more easily be derailed and the consequences are minimal.

Thank you all for sharing your insight. I hope you'll join us again next week.


Tiggs said...

Intriguing question! I can relate to those whose fantasies are rougher or harsher than reality. I also believe though that our fantasies tell eons about who we really are, with our inhibitions all put aside. We all have darkness and light, gentle and rough sides. The blessing of the Internet is our ability to share and relate safely with others of like AND different mindsets. It makes us all more well-rounded, more accepting folks. Just my two cents.


Respecting Mistress said...

Great topic. I think the more you try to surpress a fantasy, the more depressed you feel. At least that's how I was for a long period in my life. Embrace it and enjoy it. Life is too short not to.

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