Sunday, May 23, 2010

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for May 23

Our question of the week dealt with the desire for punishment spankings. Here are your thoughts.

Love4her: I know I am one to crave punishment spankings. I have never experienced one as an adult and rarely got one as a kid. I really feel the need to be punished, scolded and made to submit... to the point of tears. Humiliation would be added if it were made public in some way or made known to someone that I was in for a spanking. Possibly, I might be taken out of a store to the van while being spoken to sternly about what I was about to get and why.

I know I deserve it for any number of things and vices. I just believe a sound punishment would clear the air and set me on a better course as a husband and lover. Like any other spanking, it is not going to happen. but the vivid fantasy lives on daily.

Katia: I have craved punishment spankings before, I think every wired gal does. We have had very few because it really bothers my hubby.

However, some of my stress relief spankings have been worse than my punishment spankings. I think that is because I don't break very easily. For him, I think it's more the wording than the actual act.

We have played out a few of my stories and that satisfies my desires.

Poppy: The only spankings I like are punishment ones. They can be big serious, scary ones or little "don't stick your tongue out at me" ones, but they alter everything about me.

I always wanted them, for as long as I can remember. The reality is better than I could ever have imagined. I suspect it is about finding a man who is passionate about giving them. It also helps that he is kind with his strictness. When he spanks me, I feel such a sense of peace that I become a better person for at least twenty minutes when suddenly I feel all naughty again.

But I am nice naughty when I have been spanked, not the horrid kind.

Hermione: I believe that the idea of punishment is inherently linked to spanking. The idea of a punishment spanking is attractive to me. The reality probably would not be nearly as enjoyable.

The concept of punishment has no place in our relationship. But flirting with the associated words that push my buttons is something that we are gradually becoming comfortable with. A playful threat of punishment is in itself a terrific turn-on. But that is where it ends. Spanking will certainly remain something we do for foreplay and fun.

Oatmeal Girl: What does or does not happen to me is not for me to request and is not at all under my control. If I am spanked or beaten in any way, it is purely for my Master's pleasure or as punishment, from which of course he also derives pleasure. He is a sadist. He enjoys hurting me. He struggles against the urge to inflict severe pain on me, as he knows it would be more than I can tolerate. I am not a masochist, but I am devoted to his pleasure. It's a delicate balance.

Still, while my own desires are irrelevant, I can't deny that I have them. I do admit to becoming aroused from a spanking, and the fiend had a flogger made which doesn't hurt too badly no matter how hard the blows. I do love being beaten with the flogger.

But a punishment spanking? I get no pleasure from "the experience and sensations" of punishment spankings. They hurt far more than spankings that are purely for his pleasure, and the anger and disappointment that rain down on me with each blow hurt even more than the physical impact.

What I do like, however, is the catharsis. What I do yearn for is the redemption that follows. And what has been so hard following the severe beating I received on Wednesday is that until this afternoon I could not find my way out of the fear and despair. We chatted this afternoon, and I feel better now. But it reminded me that one way or another, whether for punishment or (his) pleasure, spankings are never something I can take lightly.

Anon #1: Punishment spankings are only given for one reason in our relationship – Smoking. Given that she can go months without a cigarette and then suddenly will start and make sure she is caught, clearly they are being asked for. Also, we clearly have not yet found a total cleanliness in our relationship. She wants to be punished and I don't realize it, so she creates the reason. The failure is mine.

These are the only spankings that ever make her cry and she needs that release. These are the only spankings that I do not find cause any sexual stimulation for me (although she will often climax before she cries), yet I find them extremely emotionally satisfying.

Our Bottoms Burn: Nope, no cravings for punishment. We only spank for fun. Odd huh?

Thomas: I feel that while punishment and discipline is an aspect of spanking that's inherent to most of our fantasies, our application stops short of that. It's the fodder that gets our minds rolling, but the spanking never goes beyond playfulness. I think that this is just our mind's way of "setting the scene" for the spanking to happen. Spanking is associated with punishment in the collective consciousness, so we try to play out those aspects to get the "whole package."

There are, of course, those of us who actually practice true punishment and discipline in our spanking relationships. For those of us who do this, I think that it is more a need than a craving. The spankee never WANTS a punishment spanking, and the spanker never WANTS to give one. Punishment, in that sense, is romanticized by spankos in our fantasies. Outside of that fantasy, though, punishment is something that we want to avoid except when absolutely necessary.

Yes, we do, both spanker and spankee, get something from the act of punishment, but it doesn't feed a craving or desire. It feeds some other kind of need. It might feed a need for structure, or love, or relief from stress or guilt.

Anon: My husband and I are relatively new to spanking. I am still trying to figure out where my needs lie (who knew it could be so complicated?). The idea of punishment is what excites me as a bottom. However, I'm not sure whether that fantasy will ever become a reality for us. I would like every spanking to have a 'reason' that resembles being punished. My husband says I deserved to be spanked simply for waking in the morning. ;) I like the idea of being spanked for something a bit more specific, even in play as opposed to a more DD lifestyle. We just haven't figured it all out yet. This topic hits the nail on the head as far as where we are at with our spanking.

Make Mine Red: We feel no need or urge for true punishment spankings at all. We might play at it, like when I wear my school girl outfit, but it's just for fun. All of our spankings are for sexual pleasure. It really turns us both on. That doesn't mean they don't hurt though! :)

Bonnie: Randy and I don't do domestic discipline, or anything of the sort. He has no interest in judging my actions (nor me judging his for that matter).

With that said, punishment spanking scenarios are a huge turn-on for me. They open the door to a submissive headspace that is very powerful and intense. Randy knows precisely how to trigger those feelings and often peppers his spanking monologue with key words and phrases. Setting, dress, and choice of implements can add to the experience. By the time he is finished spanking, I am ready to accept whatever else he has in mind.

So, no, I don't experience real punishment spankings, except perhaps within my mind.

Thanks to everyone who answered our question this week!


The Marine's Wife said...


ronnie said...

Sorry Bonnie, tried to post comment yesterday but had trouble with blogger which seems to happening more often.

I wouldn't say I crave punishment spanking but it is something I've wanted on and off for a very long time, I'd say I've received 4 or 5 in my whole life and they weren't really as bad as some I've read about.
I have hinted to P about them and I've written about my efforts to 'engineer' them but with only limited success. I want to experience the intensity, to be taken to a different place, then released, forgiven and loved afterwards. I don't mean sexually loved. Trouble is its really hard to try and make them happen, I think they have to happen naturally if they're going to work. Discussing them makes me feel warm, but I wouldn't want to do anything hurtful or harmful to really deserve one, so I get my hopes up that P will pick on some matter or other and turn it into a punishment but
I know that's putting a lot on him. I suppose its playing with fire but hey we're both adults.


elisabeth said...

Punishment spankings are part of our relationship, albeit a small one - small because I behave myself! Though I certainly don't crave them or enjoy them while they're being carried out, I do tend to look back on them with an erotic fondness.

MissPtunia said...

I have from time to time almost wished for a spanking to be my punishment...alas, spankings are reserved for mutual "fun" and not punishment. To each his/her own and be believe in live and let live...but to us, punishment should be something that is not pleasant and not fun. I enjoy spankings far too much for them to be any form of my punishment takes other forms...usually a long intense lecture followed by time in the corner..which I detest! Tee-hee, thankfully, it is rare that I do something to get that.

A-Non said...

The comments by Oatmeal Girl lead me to another question about matchups. I am assuming that the best matches occur when what I want (erotic spankings only) matches up exactly with what my man wants (to spank a woman as a prelude to sex). If I want erotic spankings and he wants to inflict pain for its own sake (as a sadist), then it would seem that the relationship will be somewhat disappointing. I know many people must be mismatched, at least a little, the world being an imperfect place and all, but do you all think a good match is essential to relationship success?

Another question: How have things worked out for those who met up primarily because of this singular interest? It seems like it would be strange to start a relationship based on one interest, and a kinky one at that, instead of meeting through friends, work, etc.

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