Several months ago, we considered the traits of a great spanker. At that time, a reader asked whether we could discuss the attributes of a great spankee. Well, fair is fair, and this is the week.
What do you consider to be the ideal traits of a spankee? Would they be submissive or would they resist? Would they act bratty? Would they have a strong tolerance for spanking or would they be more sensitive? Would they be stoic or respond loudly? Would they be an enthusiastic or reluctant participant? Would they collect implements? Would they try to influence the course of the spanking? Would they cry? Would they be turned on by the experience? Would they demonstrate their gratitude. Would they blog about their spankings?
If you would like to join our brunch discussion, please feel free to fill your plate, pull up one of our nice padded chairs, and have a seat. You can enter your thoughts as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary of our discussion.
12 comments :
All my experiences of topping are of switching with a fellow bottoms/subs.
The best spankees, who have come under my lash are communicators, those that have no problem with telling their top what they want. What is enough, what is too much? Where their hard limits lie? Do they want roll play or just a good butt warming? Does it always have to be a disciplinary spanking or do they like it for fun sometimes?
Basically a spankee who does not expect their spanker to come with a crystal ball and has no problems with saying what they do/don't want. Also a spankee that has no hang ups about having a safe word, at least for the first couple of plays until you are used to playing together.
Prefectdt
A really good spankee, to me, would actually be a combination of almost all those things, being able to mix and change them from time to time so that the spanking experience with them is never always the same. So they may resist one time, but not the next...act bratty one time in order to earn a spanking, and another time simply tell me she needs one....
The one trait I absolutely would NOT want is stoicism. I gauge a lot of what I do based on the spankee's reactions, so I want them to verbalize, or squirm, or kick....I want the feedback.
Spanking someone who just lays there like a log without moving or uttering a sound is, to me, boring. I might as well go out into the parking lot and whack a Buick....
Dr. Ken
If this means we spankees should not comment, please edit me out!
As I am sure my bf will correct me with his own post, here goes...
I think he kinda likes a little resistance, as this gives him a further purpose to the spanking, bringing me back to submissiveness; when I submit, he knows he has achieved his goal...then he adds more just to prove the point...
With brattiness, he knows the difference between when I have forgotten my place, thro temper, etc, and when I am acting up just because I WANT a spanking...and sometimes, in the second situation, thinks up other punishments instead, to get the better of me...grr!
Again, he knows I am stoic to begin, and when he reduces me to whimpering, then squealing, then crying, then acceptance, he knows he is getting through my stubbornness...
Depending on the type of spanking, I am reluctant/enthusiastic...I would be asking for trouble to be enthusiastic for a punishment spanking - he would think it wasn't being harsh enough! whereas,mmmm....erotic...
He likes me to collect implements but he also likes to surprise ME with new ones! He loves that I am turned on by a spanking, even a punishment spanking...and likes me to show gratitude afterwards....
I am not allowed to try to influence the spankings though....
i don't know.. but in my humble opinion.. spankees are all those things .. just kinda depends what day it is....... or what their spanker wants from them...
There are times that i am quiet.. deep inside of myself.. Sir knows those moods and does not try to solicit any enthusiastic responses..
On other days i am feeling bratty .. or devilish.. and am eager to dance the dance of the flogger.. so i am very verbal .. and demonstrative..
i would think spankees in general can be all of those things or none of those things.. the trick comes from the pairing up of the qualities with spankers who seek such qualities.......
just my 2 cents on the subject..
morningstar (owned by Warren)
This question is best answered by spankers, but I'll try it from a spankee's point of view.
The ideal spankee is submissive and does not attempt to influence the course of the spanking. S/he has a good tolerance for pain, and although stoic on the whole, is also capable of expressing non-verbal appreciation. The spankee is enthusiastic about spankings: before, during and after, and that includes collecting implements that both spanker and spankee would enjoy.
The ideal spankee is definitely turned on by the experience, and freely and sincerely expresses his or her gratitude, both sexually and in other ways. I think a kiss on the spanker's hand is a nice gesture.
Does the spankee keep a blog? That's a matter of personal preference. Not everyone has the time, talent or inclination to tell the world how wonderful spanking is, but a good spankee will make sure the spanker knows how much s/he enjoys it.
Hugs,
Hermione
Bonnie, a good spankee must be able to communicate both verbally and non-verbally.
Should be a hard wired spanko, loving fun spankings and be very turned on by them, and accept discipline ones with fortitude.
Sub, bottom or average, the good spankee is a happy, loving fun-loving individual.
Neither spanker nor spankee should take themselves to seriously, after all you are in a spanking partnership.Warm hugs,
Paul.
I would like a submissive spankee. No brattiness. As for the strong tolerance for spanking or would they be more sensitive I don't know. I would like it if they respond loudly and enthusiastically when I punish them. I would like it if they also collected implements, the more the painful. No, they wouldn't influence the spanking and they would cry. As to rather they were turned on or not depends on what kind of spanking it is. Yes they would in an appropriate way and yes they would blog about their spanking and I would be watching them as they do it.
I strive to be the perfect spankee so that my D gets the geatest pleasure when he deals with my bottom, and actually most of the time, so do I. There is no need for me to 'brat'; if I am to have my bottom tanned, it is D who decides, If, When,and How, and it is not negotiable. He will indicate the pose he requires, and after all our experiences, it is up to me to fine tune it, so that my rear end is perfectly presented to him with just the right tightness and exposure. I choose my clothing with care; if it is to be a caning, I wear a pair of skin tight jeans; otherwise he likes skirts, which he can turn up to expose brief sexy knickers which he can pull down if he wishes. Tolerance - I can take quite a lot, but D has a good idea of my limits, and I trust him not to go too far, even when I am restrained, and I do not ask for mercy, but occasionally I am struggling to keep my bottom well offered to him.Implements - some times I find somthing new, which I present to him, to see if he will honour my bottom with my choice.
My bottom is his to deal with, and he has been doing so with some vigour for a long time to our mutual enjpymment, despite minor sitting problems afterwards ! Susan.
Great question to mull over! I've enjoyed the responses so far.
I must say, in all seriousness, that I have the "ideal" spankee in my life. To answer your questions in order, I'd have to say...
She's submissive during a distinctly punishment spanking, but playfully resistant during any other spanking. She doesn't act all that bratty, but does have a way of letting me know she really wants a good bun warming from time to time.
She's hardly a stoic (except during real discipline) -- she wiggles, kicks, puts her hand back, and "begs" me to stop from time to time. Loud? I don't know. But verbal and actively participating? You betcha!
She LOVES to collect implements, and points out potential new additions even when we're somewhere "vanilla." (She can find an implement in nearly any store...) :-)
She tries, but fails, to influence the course of a spanking. It's part of the dance and we both enjoy it immensely.
No tears yet, but they seem to be on the horizon. No worries either way.
She is quite demonstrative of her gratitude -- from curling up in my lap to getting quite sexual afterwards.
Does she blog? You betcha! We share a new blog and write of our experiences from both points of view.
Great set of questions, as usual, Bonnie! I almost said "I agree with all the folks who've responded before me," but then thought that was sort of cheating. So now you have my two cents as well... :-)
As a spankee, I am a combination of all of these things. It all depends on the type of spanking that's going on. The only thing I am NOT is quiet LOL. Spankings hurt and I just can't take them quietly.
But some days I'm bratty (more often than not, but only for fun of course), and most of the time I'm very turned on. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I don't. I have done everything the question asked at one time or another.
And as far as collecting implements, I have LOTS!!! LOL Of course that's to be expected since I'm the one that introduced my dear hubby J to spanking. It came quite naturally to him LOL. He's a great spanker. And he's told me that if I was quiet or too still that it just wouldn't be any fun. He likes reaction. LOL
~Brat V~
I think an ideal spankee is one that doesnt pressure her spanker to respond to a website question...LOL Other than tha, I some resistence is expected but the spankee, Ms. Daisy, knows that it will bring more insistence to the game. She should respond as nature tells her. Being stoic is not usually the best response.A reluctent partner only when it is a discipline spanking. Otherwise enthusiasim is welcome. Yes to gratitude and blogging is always welcome
Great question Bonnie. I really enjoyed the others' comments- very educational and written with great insight. I am always the spankee, so I can share what I believe are admirable traits. These are that I strive to possess.
1. Submission to include change of heart and attitude after disciplinary spankings
2. Loving lecture before, during and after disciplinary for the same reason as submission.
3. Fun and adventersome in our erotic spankings
My hubby works on improving all of these and much more. It is why dd works very well for us. It is a work in progress. We are always looking for ways to be more loving and successful in both the physical and mental aspects involved in spankings.
Ciao,
I Gal
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