Sunday, February 04, 2007

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Feb 4

Our brunch question for this week examined lurkers aned what motivates them. Here are your thoughts.

Pherring: I lurk mainly due to time issues. I do also believe that I am younger than most people here, and I tend to learn quite a bit from reading. Keep up the good work everyone and I hope to not just lurk in the future.

Lee: I have to second Pherring. When I'm in school, I pull 15 hours. When I'm not, I work a full time job, so I don’t have much time. Also, I don't have much experience (read as: none). It is all fantasy to me, and so when brunch questions pertain to things I would only be able to comment on from experience, I have nothing to say. Sometimes, I can speculate about what I MIGHT like (or not), or how I'd hope a relationship would go, but I really have nothing of substance to contribute.

Elis: I lurked for a long time. Well, it felt like a long time. At first, I didn't comment because I had no idea how to. I hope most people are sharper than that. But then I hesitated because I did not have any experiences to share. I was finally drawn in by your openness to answer questions and help others feel more comfortable with thoughts and feelings they might have hidden for years.

The rest is history as they say. Once I started talking out here, I just could not shut up. I enjoy commenting and writing my own blog. Taking the plunge and commenting here the first time led me to many new and very dear friends, and it improved my marriage 1,000 percent!

Thanks for your blog, Bonnie.

Amber: Well, I didn't comment because I wanted to comment on Adele's and Abel and Haron's blogs, but I had to provide my email address. I didn't want to do that. Then I came up with a made up name and created the email address explicitly for illicit purposes. Then I just began to comment, but I too started on the spanko delurk day!

Fox: For me, sometimes it’s a lack of experience, sometimes it’s because I have nothing to add, and sometimes it’s time. I LOVE to read the spanking stories. I love to roam the net reading spanking stories. Many blogs I have found came straight from links here and at one other blog. I figure if you and/or she linked, it’s probably a blog worth taking a look at. In fact, the blogs that I link on my own blog are ones that I read regularly. I comment when I have something worth adding. Otherwise, I just read and usually go attack the Hubby.

Mal: I have to admit that I lurk, but this is because I have nothing to add and no real experience. I hope that one day I will have the experience to make it possible for me to comment properly, for topics other than delurking. Also, my spelling is atrocious and this tends to keep me from putting fingers to keyboard.

Teresa: My boyfriend and I are into DD. I need to be disciplined and he has no problem doing it. I used to go into chat rooms, but when I expressed myself openly, most of the men in the rooms told me that I was being abused. I do not understand why they said this. I am happy and I know my boyfriend loves me. The really weird part was that these men are Doms. It made an impact on my chat room attendance because most people do not understand that we enjoy our relationship and that it is consensual.

I am usually given a spanking once a day. The spanking can range from light to heavy depending on my attitude or if I have broken a rule. He uses his belt (Daddy's Belt), hairbrush, or a paddle. I cannot begin to tell you how happy and motivated I am in my life.

Once again, thank you Bonnie for writing this blog! I love it!

Cathy: I tried to comment to different blogs before, but I was only able to get a couple of comments to post. Perhaps it was for the best because I have a fear of being outed.

I have also noticed that many of the same people comment on the same sites. I sometimes feel that it would be butting in to your group if I were to add to the conversation. Everyone seems very nice and friendly, but you already seem to know one another. It’s the classic new kid mentality. Most of you also seem to be gifted with the ability to write well. I do not feel I can live up to this standard. Writing is not my thing, but I can do math.

I do love reading, so keep writing. :) I think your idea of the Sunday brunch is wonderful.

Bella: Time is the biggest issue for me. I try not to post "me too" comments and that alone keeps me from commenting at times.

Tigger: I think it's probably because they're shy. I completely understand because I'm a shy person, too. The main thing that prompted me to post my first time here was how welcoming a community your blog really is.

John A: I don't usually comment for most of the same reasons as above, time, lack of experience, and most importantly, by the time I get the blog read, there are already several comments that pretty much echo what I was going to say. Oops, same situation here again. Anyway, if I find myself with something original to contribute, I will try to next time.

Mary: Originally, it was the need to keep my identity private or often not really having anything to add. Finally, I started talking at Bonnie's brunch and a couple other sites. Now I think I say too much. I also recall feeling that I simply wanted to read and enjoy and didn't have the time/energy to say anything.

Danielle: Sometimes, I'm a lurker, although I comment from time to time. There's a whole range of reasons for not commenting.
  1. I'm slow with formulating

  2. Sometimes, someone already said what I intended to say

  3. There are blogs where I feel outside their community, because I'm not on Blogger myself

  4. If there are a lot of comments, I often think mine isn't needed after all

  5. There are posts that don't attract my interest

  6. I think it's important for a commenter to get some response. If I never get that, I stop commenting

  7. I prefer to note on blogs from people who don't get comments or just a few

Anon #1: My issues include time, writing skills, other people in the home, and finally, privacy. In the past, I thought I was being anonymous and then my full name popped up after I posted.

I love reading about spanking. I feel good to know there are other spankos out there. These things do not usually come out in a normal daily conversation. I like reading other people’s stories. I am an active play spankee, yet I do not know how to pass on my stories.

Todd and Suzy: In the distant past, back when folks posted on message board forums... we lurked because we felt our knowledge was so ridiculously lacking that no one would care to hear us. People were talking about things so far beyond what we were doing, there just didn't seem to be a point to jump and look naive.

In time though, we did pop our heads out of our little ground-hog hole and found we fit in a lot better than we'd thought. Those with dungeons and whips were pretty friendly! That we played at a far tamer level wasn't a problem at all. Almost everyone could identify with where we were at, because they'd been there before. We really did find our time much more enjoyable when we started contributing occasionally.

Since then, only time constraints will keep us from participating.

The spanking community is generally very friendly, and accepting of all kinds of spanko interests. We very much encourage lurkers to step out and see their shadow!

Anon #2: Surely what most bloggers desire first and foremost is readers. Some readers may also be writers, but that is relatively rarely the case. In my own work, I write frequently in response to my reading, but I probably read more than a hundred texts before trying to compose one.

I have read your blog for some time, and always with pleasure. But this last post has made me feel that I am not welcome as a reader if I am not willing to delurk. Am I the only one who feels that the term "lurker" is more than a little pejorative?

Paul: Bonnie, I came out to CWS, found The Garden through her, and CeeCi recommended one of your posts. I've been a spanko all of my life. Imagine my heartfelt pleasure when I discovered a community living the lifestyle all in their own unique ways.

Since my partner died, I've been one lonely spanko. I'm not any more, Like PK, I have found many friends. Thanks Bonnie, for providing a place for us to meet, a friendly atmosphere and even refreshments. *G*

Kasey: Hi Bonnie! To avoid lurking today I decided to say hi, even though I have nothing to add. :)

Bob: I've been reading spanking related material since the early 80's (including CF Publications) and most of my early sexual thoughts revolved around spanking. I lurked all through the early "Assville" period in the 90's too (I loved Laura's Spanking Corner, and still visit).

But I never felt comfortable with this part of me, much less opening up to my wife about my thoughts and feelings. Fast forward and we've been married for 15 years. I found my soulmate, and quite frankly she'd do anything for me. We "play spank" occasionally, mostly during intercourse, but mostly that's it. She doesn't know most of my fantasies revolve around domination and spanking.
I've never quite been able to set this part of "me" at peace with the rest of me. Somehow it feels wrong to want to hurt the woman I love, (let's face it, a red butt hurts) and I don't want her to feel put down or somehow less as a person.

The other thing is I've never been able to place spanking into a context that I feel comfortable with either. I don't want to be a "daddy" or begin finding fault with my wife so I can give her a spanking.

So, that's why I lurk. It’s because I haven't been able to open myself up to my wife and share this part of me. So I can't share it with the rest of you either.

Bonnie: First, I want to welcome everyone who joined our brunch for the first time. I’m glad you’re here.

I've always said that I love my readers. I’m delighted that you’ve chosen to spend some time with us. My gratitude applies regardless of whether readers join the discussion. I would never want anyone to feel they are unwelcome.

I encourage delurking because I think most people have something valuable to say. I, for one, would love to hear it. Even in the absence of real world experience, we all have fantasies. It is from these vivid fantasies that the best adventures grow.

As for the term "lurker," I recognize that some folks find it objectionable. Unfortunately, it's the word most people know and use. If there's a more charitable synonym, I'll be happy to substitute.

I can see how an occasional reader might think that we spanko bloggers are a closed clique. Please let me assure you that this isn’t the case. While we certainly acquire friends through this process and develop great fondness for them, newcomers are always welcome here. I love to meet a new spanko and exchange ideas and insights. There cannot be too many enthusiastic spankos for our community.

In any case, thanks for joining us and adding your voice (or not!).

As I suspected, there are many reasons why readers don't comment. My intent in posting these questions was not to pressure anyone, but to explore the phenomenon of lurking. Thanks to your generousity, I now better understand.

I hope you'll join us next Sunday for another spanko brunch!

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Mary said...

In response to Anon #2. I hadn't truly looked at it the way you express. Yet, I can see your point - that it may have seemed the importance was in that someone post and not just read. Although my motivation for posting here on MBS was because the brunch seemed so inviting, I have felt a simular way when reading other blogs. Perhaps it should be acknowledged that some times on some sites we all may feel best just being quiet readers. (vs Lurkers) I liken it to the diffence between reading liturature for English lit class vs for pleasure. Sometimes it is fun to integrate, anylize, ponder discuss and express. Other times it is far more fulfilling just to read, digest, dream and enjoy.
As for concern about groups being closed. I am not a blogger either - but I have found that on most sites the author doesn't care. As for brunch, I do feel a sense of community at seeing familiar names commenting each week, but I for one enjoy coming to brunch because this brunch crowd is open and friendly. I find it facinating that we all have different levels of experience and reasons for spanking in our lives but here at Bonnie's brunch the differences are enjoyed not judged.

galros said...

Hey there Bonnie - I've become a lurker in recent weeks - got a lot going on and jsut don't ahve the energy to comment all the time like I used to!

I will be back properly soon though - I promise!!!

galros (cuddlybum)

Anonymous said...

Great reading, Bonnie!!!


Grizzly Bear said...

I cant exactly say I dissagree with any of the reasons presented above.

Great Post.

Anonymous said...

The main reason I've never posted, though I love the content, is because 1) I didn't discover this blog until February or March this year 2) I don't have much to contribute 3) I feel a little out of place being so new to blogging 4) I'm so new at the whole spanking thing (I haven't had many experiences). Also I have had a fear of having my views (on anything; not just spanking) out in the open. Recently I got over that by joining a popular question/answer site.

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