Our question was suggested by a new blogger who calls herself Secretlyscared. If you're curious about her secrets or why she might be scared, I encourage you to visit. SS asks:
Can you repress a fantasy? For example, if you decided that spanking was wrong and violent, could you move away from it and ignore it, or would this just lead to dissatisfaction?
We'd love to hear what you think. To join our conversation, just enter your thoughts below as a comment. Once every has had a chance to speak, I will post an edited summary.
20 comments :
Just my humble pov, but I think if you truly believed it was wrong, and violent, you not only could but would move away from it, without a backward glance.
There are things that I have seen on other blogs, that I thought were verging on abusive... I have never gone back for a second look...that just doesn't interest me, end of. xxx
I believe that you can try to repress the fantasy and create lots of reasons who you should ignore it. However, if it is part of your DNA, it will linger. For years I repressed the fantasy, but it would not go away so I began a journey of self discovery. The break through for me was the discovery of Zelle's blog quite by accident. I was fascinated by her insights and realized that intelligent, witty and successful people had the same fantasy. The loss of a dear friend at a young age melted my inhibitions and I decided to fulfill my fantasy of being spanked.
After years of fighting to repress my fantasy I finally experienced the excitement and fun of a spanking. If anything, I regret that I did not begin at an earlier age. Not only have I met a group of terrific spanko friends, I finally feel that a large part of what makes me who I am has been fulfilled.
My fantasy about spanking is harsher and more violent than I would want in real life. I prefer the reality, but find the fantasy exciting just as I find the idea of sky diving exciting but would never do it. Dissatisfaction comes when there is no spanking!
Fantasies are just that. They are not real, and don't necessarily have any bearing on real life. I indulge in fantasies that are arousing to me, but they aren't anything close to what I would actually want to encounter in real life. Like Meow, I prefer the reality. There's no reason to judge your fantasies or try to avoid them; they are what they are. It's okay to fantasize.
As for deciding that spanking is wrong, if it appeals to you and is safe, sane and consensual, then there is no harm in it. If it does not appeal to you or arouse you, then like Daisy said, walk away.
I'm right there with Meow and Hermione. I love real life and the fact that spanking is a part of my life now, but my fantasies are fun too. Many of them are way more severe than I want in my real life. My fantasies kept me going until the real thing came along and now many of then find their way into my fiction stories.
Before I found like minded friends and began blogging I would sometimes come to feel that the whole spanking thing was wrong and I was 'sick'. I'd decide to stop fantasying about it. When that happened I would become severely depressed. For me spanking fantasies keep me mentally happy and well balanced. The real thing helps even more so I don't see myself ever giving them up.
PK
There's a HUGE different between consensual nonconsent and abuse.
I was in a dark place when I suppressed my spanking fantasies because I wasn't being true to myself. Living the "normal" way is someone else's life, not mine.
If you can't trust the person you're with to be that honest honest about yourself, then it may be time to reevaluate that relationship.
Hi
It is very probable that you either are or are not a spankophile. If you are then you will have your own way of fantasizing about your desires. If you want to imagine and dream about being whipped, but would prefer not to have it happen in reality, then that is perfectly fine. If you would like to be gently spanked to a modicum of redness then that is who you are, so do it.If however, you think would like to be tied to a spanking bench and beaten with a cane, then give it a try, but do so with someone who will stop if you don't enjoy it.
To thine own self be true, as the man said.
Michael M
Bonnie, I have always felt, I can keep my spanking fantasies under control. Yes, in my lifetime I've spanked a number of consensual female partner's, with mutual satisfactions. And yes, the 'spanking blogs', like your's and Hermiones's and the many other's are fun, and joy to read, which brings to me 'normalcy', if one can say that.
I ran from my fantasies - not because I thought they were violent, but because I thought they were dirty and wrong and demeaning to women - but my fantasies caught up with me. I couldn't get away. I got over my hang ups and no longer think they are dirty (well, maybe a litte) or demeaning (as long as it's consensual). But if I thought my fantasies were violent, truly violent, I'd work harder to suppress them. I feel blessed that I've never experienced true violence. I think that would make all the difference.
I must say this is an interesting question. I believe that a person can stop fantasising about anything. It isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can been done. If anyone thinks spaning is wrong and should not be engaged in, the first line of defence is to stop fantasising about it.
Having said that, I have to be honest and say that for years I was able to "forget" about spanking entirely, or so I thought. After about twenty years of not thinking about it, it came over me like a tsunami a couple of months after my husband died. I have never been successful in eradicating it totally and I have learned that it really never goes away. At least for most of us. I have only been spanked by one person as an adult and neither of us knew what we were doing. He was a therapist. Wrong move.
I still struggle with the idea that something is wrong here and after doing a lot of research on the issue, I am really troubled by a lot of what I have seen, consentual or not. I know all of us have struggled at some time with spanking and wondering if it is wrong and considering it as very weird.
I have no answers; only ideas and suggestions. I guess that is all any of us have.
If you are a lifelong spanko -- if it's at the heart of your sexuality and, like me, you've known that since childhood, you'll never be able to put it away (although I had a fifteen year hiatus in which I was not engaged in it, but that's a long and sad story. But spanking has always been for me about fun, play, sensuality and arousal. I've witnessed or heard or read about scenes that are violent and abusive and, if that were my view of things, I would turn away. But that's never been me in either fantasy or reality. I pursued spanking when I was young, but didn't advertise I was into it. Eve Howard's early writings made me comfortable in my own skin. So, I'd have to say that, it's impossible to turn away from what's your nature and you know that what's your nature is not dangerous, or abusive or anything even close.
NO and YES.
Nope.
To me, it's about where the fantasy lies. I have fantasies with varying degrees of kink and possibility.
I think that for the most part, the answer would be yes. I think in this case, if I were to decide spanking were wrong and violent, it would be a gradual change of thought. Thus over time my fantasies would have changed, too.
I've repressed spanking before for relationships, and I'm sure I could do it again. But yes, the dissatisfaction would be there to some degree.
Can you repress a fantasy? I think so. I had more than a passing interest in spanking for a long time before I ever acted on it a few years ago. If for some reason everything was suddenly cut off and I couldn't do it anymore I'd live, but it would be harder now that I'd know what I'd be missing.
I think fantasys are ever changing and evolving 'stories' within our minds. As we have real life experiences, read, see picture, movies or talk with others our fantasies change and alter in response to this.
You can definitely repress fantasies sometimes this happens as our fantasy develops and changes within our mind, we channel out some areas and focus in on others, this is a kind of involuntary surpression. A more active repression is also possible, sometimes our fantasies challenge us beyond what we are ready for and so shut them away. Does that lead to dissatisfaction? I think that very much depends on the level of repression. I think if it leads to you cutting of your imagination and fantasies altogether than I think it could probably be very harmful.I believe our minds need space to explore all our thoughts, no matter what, by trying to switch that off we are just denying ourselves a true exploration of everything that we are.
Mollyxxx
Simple answer - No I cannot suppress the spanking thing and trying to deny it in the past has lead to bad things in my life.
Prefectdt
If Spanking arouses your interest then why even consider repressing it ? If you need it then find someone you trust to administer it. A good sound spanking will soon let you know one way or another if you have made the right decision or not !
MarQe
I echo what Meow, Hermione, and PK said. My fantasies go much further than what I do in reality. There were times in the past when I tried to suppress the spanking desires but it never lasted long. I have accepted that it is part of how I am wired and something I'm meant to enjoy.
I didn't take it that we were simply being asked if we would be able to turn away from spanking without missing it...The key phrase for me was "if you decided that spanking was wrong and violent".
I used to fantasise about all sorts of scenarios when I was younger, and they all involved my (then) husband spanking me...we often played about with it, but without the benefit of internet or others to talk to about it, we were so useless!
Then he came home drunk one night, in a temper, and decided to cane me. Definitely NOT consensual. Suffice it to say, bad experience.
So, not difficult at all, to decide that this was wrong and violent, AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Davey knows all about it, and agreed the cane will never, ever, feature in our relationship, unless I expressly request it, which I never will.
Spanking is a part of me, it is a part of us, but any part that causes those feelings (that something is wrong and or violent) has no place in my life, and can be thrown out without a backward glance. We can manage our spankings quite nicely without a cane, tyvm!
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