Ask Bonnie

Believe it or not, this is the first Ask Bonnie post of 2009. Hopefully, we can make up for the long absence with some good (and occasionally bad) questions and answers.

Question: Do you like spanking photographs? If so, what sort? Do you and Randy ever take photos?

Response: I’m more of a word person, but I enjoy some spanking photographs. It’s probably easier to explain what I don’t like than describe what I do. I would rather not see (1) shots that might better belong in a gynecological (or urological for that matter) textbook, (2) brutal beatings of the Eastern European fashion, (3) any content that suggests a child spankee or anyone who has not or cannot grant their full consent, or (4) pictures that are shot or cropped to display only a disembodied torso. Spankees are real people and I prefer to see us depicted as such.

Lest you think I am an old prude, there are many spanking-oriented photographs that I do appreciate. I like a picture that tells a story. I want to see faces because they express the emotions that the participants are feeling. I especially like it when I know, or at least know of, the participants. That way, I have some back story as why this couple is sharing a spanking.

Yes, Randy and I have taken some photographs over the years with mixed success. No, I have no plans to post them on the blog.

Question: my name is _____ in the US, I read your profile thought I would drop you an E Mail. I see we are instrested in the same thing, Spanking. I would like to know moore on your feelings on it. Pleaase let me here from you an lets go from here.

Response: Hi, _____. What do they call you outside the US? For “moore on my feelings,” you might start by reading some of the posts on my blog.

Question: I'm planning a real discipline type session that will result in getting my ass whipped with a car antenea. Any experience with that?

Response: Never an “antenea.” It sounds painful. Please be sure to have appropriate first aid on hand in case your skin is broken.

Question: I have a question about spanking implements and when your body changes, as in exercising. I started exercising regularly and working out with weights a few months ago. Before I started this, I could handle any spanking implement my husband used, wooden paddles, plastic paddles, etc. But now, I am finding that I can't handle those kinds of implements anymore because my bottom is more toned than it used to be. It's frustrating. I want a spanking to last, but not to the point where I am in tears either. Can you suggest any implements that we can try that aren't as "heavy" of an impact?

Response: Sure. Light implements strike with more of a flick than a thud. They tend to work mostly at the skin level, as opposed to against your newly toned muscle. Examples include a crop, a light wooden spoon, or a small cane. A light, flexible leather paddle should also work well. You can even use a wooden paddle, so long as it's thin, light, and applied in a tapping fashion.

With this strategy, you should be able to get all the sting you desire without deep bruising. It should also allow you to enjoy a longer duration spanking.

Question: so you are a smart ass?

Response: Most definitely! If you have any doubts, you can visit my blog.

Question: Is there a secret to finding someone like Randy? Are there unknown singles lists for us? I'm in the ____ area and I have no idea how to find someone.

Response: Randy and I managed to find each other while we were in college. I chalk that up to good fortune more than any deliberate plan.

You may want to investigate whether there are any spanking-oriented groups in your community. The FetLife site is another option. Some people report success with personal ads in local alternative newspapers. Others contend they never met so many spanking enthusiasts as they did after starting a spanking-oriented blog. Whatever method you choose, I encourage you to exercise appropriate caution. I wish you the very best in your quest.

Question: I've come across a Blogger problem that I thought you may know something about. Yours is the only blog (by Blogger) that I can view. Suddenly I am getting a content warning message, and even when I click on it to continue, it just brings me back to the warning page. I'm trying to figure out why it happens on other blogs and not yours. I know you’re not tech support, but do you have any suggestions?

Response: Yes. You need to enable cookies in your browser.

Question: My girlfriend and I are new at this and want some advice. As expected we are a little nervous. We do tease each other with an OTK swat or two. We really want to explore this. What would you suggest? What positions would go with what instrument?

Response: I've written some tutorials that may be helpful for you. You can find them in a drop down window in the right column of my blog.

This one, in particular, addresses some of your questions.

If you are still wondering, please write back. In any case, I wish you both lots of spanko fun!

Question: Did you get a nice spanking today/tonight. sure your husband knows just how to punish you when you have been a bad little girl!

Response: Not today, but it’s coming soon. I don’t have to be bad to get spanked. In fact, it’s a lot more fun when I’m good!

Question: I recently discovered the joy of spanking with my husband. I am very intimidated by the use of all the toys you talk about as his hand alone brings quite a sting, BUT, I know that eventually I would like to explore those options. Is there a particular item you thing is best to start with? I was thinking paddles. Would you mind telling me about the progression you and your husband took over the years? Any help you can give is much appreciated!

Response: There is no one right answer. Every couple is a little bit different. Some jump right into serious implements, but most move up gradually as they gain confidence and experience. Some couples never move past the implement that nature provided. If a hand gets you to where you want to be, there is no reason, other than curiosity perhaps, why you have to look any farther.

When Randy and I started spanking, there were a lot fewer choices for buying implements. There was no internet and sex shops tended not to carry spanking toys. We used what was around – a hairbrush, a belt, a wooden cutting board, and so forth. Some worked a lot better than others. The only real spanking implement we had for the longest time was my sorority paddle.

If you would like to try a leather paddle, I would suggest Adam and Gillian. They are a reputable firm and have a nice selection of leather toys.

I suggest that you and your husband allow your own experience to be your guide. As you experiment and learn, some implements/positions/techniques will work better for you than others. If you find something that you dislike, then cross it off of your list and explore elsewhere. There are many adventures to be lived. I hope that yours will be enjoyable and fun.

Statement: i wanna make love to you!!

Response: Guys, listen to me. This is the worst pickup line ever. You can do better.

Question: Hello! I'm contacting you today because I'm working with authors ____ on a book about feelings on the web. We found an image on your blog that we found beautiful, and we wanted to get your permission to use it in the book.

Response: Let me get this straight. You want to put a picture of my bottom in your book? Are there no stock backside shots available? It’s a weird world out there, folks.

Question: I just started spanking my girlfriend. Can you tell me any games that we can play to spice up the spanking even more? Can you also tell me some more light [bondage and discipline] things that we can do together?

Response: Here are six brunch discussions that might give you some ideas.           1           2           3           4           5           6

I also wrote a few tutorials you might like.           1           2           3

I hope that helps. If you need more, please write back. In any case, best wishes to both of you!

Question: you a spanking fan?

Response: I’ve written well over a thousand posts in a blog dedicated to spanking. I guess you could say I am a fan.

Question: Which implements don't leave marks? I bruise if you look at me weird, so our play tends to leave my tush a bit more colorful than just rosy (Nothing bad, but definitely bruises.)

Response: If you bruise that easily, it will be difficult for you to enjoy any spanking without leaving some evidence behind (as it were). However, there are some things you can try to improve your chances.

1. Get spanked regularly. No kidding. Spankees who are spanked relatively frequently tend to bruise less.


2. Avoid heavy, rigid implements or those with abrupt edges. Most wooden paddles and brushes certainly fall into this category. But also watch out for canes, rulers, and narrow belts.


3. Look for light, flexible implements that strike at the skin level (rather than the muscles beneath). You might try something like a small leather paddle with rounded edges.


4. Suggest that your spanker apply a larger number of lighter strokes. This approach will still provide the satisfaction of a good spanking without inflicting as much damage.


5. Some spanking enthusiasts like Arnica creme to reduce bruising. I'm not certain how effective it really is, but it's fun to have your lover apply it! Ice can also be beneficial if applied immediately after your spankings.

I hope this helps!

Question: Do you still have those posts with blogging tips.

Response: Yes. Some parts seem a bit dated at this point, but if this advice helps you, you’re welcome to it.          1           2           3           4

Question: Hello, how are you doing?

Response: Hi. I’m fine.

Question: Hey, how are you? let's talk sometime.

Response: I’m still fine. Aren’t we talking now?

Question: what casn a switch do to a bottom?

Response: It can make a bottom (even a hypothetical disembodied body part sort of bottom) mighty sore.

Question: Can you give me a good hard spaning today,ihave been very naughty all week long,please make long and painful cause ive forgotonen what good hard spankings feel like

Response: Apparently, you’ve forgotten several other things as well.

Question: should a strap be used on a naughty girl under 10

Response: If you have to ask that question, you should not be permitted anywhere near a child. Leave that dear little angel alone. She has a right to grow up in a healthy environment surrounded by love and support.

Question: Can I boink you?

Response: Nope.

Question: I saw a butt just like yours in santa monica last weekend. Was that u?

Response: My butt has not been to Santa Monica in years. Come to think of it, neither have any of my other parts.

Well, I think that’s about enough.