Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Keyword Chaos: Revived

Can you believe I went through the entire month of January without a single Keyword Chaos post? I intend to remedy that deficiency right now.

What you see below are search phrases that someone used to find this blog. I am occasionally asked whether I invent these word sequences myself. I'm not certain whether to be annoyed or flattered by the question, but I cannot write material as funny/bizarre/crazy as some of these lines. Even so, I can't resist tossing in my two cents!
  • spanking + wife - This could be a formula for excitement

  • spanked grannies - Just because there's snow on the roof, don't assume the back porch isn't engulfed in flames!

  • medieval spanking - Home torture chambers are all the rage this season

  • exploring spanking - I picture Jacques Cousteau, wearing a wet suit and dripping with sea water, standing in someone's bedroom and filming the proceedings - "Note zee peenk coolur..."

  • miss really spanking tub - I imagine the swimsuit competition is a must-see

  • my ottom smarts - Could be autumn? Could be ottoman? Could be otter...

  • nylon spanking - Silky smooth and burning bright, shimmering passion in the night

  • paddling women butts ass bottom - Yes, I believe we know where the paddle is supposed to land

  • spanking thermometer - Glass implements are simply a bad idea

  • stable girls get spanked - Unstable girls get counseling

  • jerking off bikini bottoms - TMI dude!

  • over knee smacking messageboard - I just never got the hang of wincing and typing at the same time

  • those words sent happiness - Hooray for Western Union

  • adult girls spanked over swim suit - Most of us adult girls prefer the term "women"

  • a play for valentine's day - I'm partial to "Much Ado About Nothing"

  • adult bathing and spanking - Wet spankings really do hurt more

  • adult spanking without pain - Then you're not doing it correctly!

  • anal retread - I don't even want to think about what this might entail, let alone why someone might need one...

  • antique erotic spankers - Hey, watch who you're calling antique!

  • big bubble butts world lady contest - If my search words are any indication, this idea could be worth a fortune

  • blood flow and erotic spanking - At the point where you draw blood, the spanking ceases to be erotic

  • booty enhancing underwear for plus size - Don't invest your inheritance in this concept

  • bosses spanking employees to orgasm - Perhaps it's time to put away the videos for a while

  • butt plug punishment clips - If it's all the same, I prefer a butt plug without "punishment clips"

  • canabulism little red round bottom - If you freaks learned to spell, you could be dangerous

  • cellulite spanking - Now there's an appealing visual

  • cheerleader having sex up the skirt - Just keep shaking those pompoms

  • chimp love story - Love means never having to say, "Oops, I was aiming at Phil"

  • cornertime french - mes fesses sont en douleur

  • duct tape blowjob - Those heating and cooling guys have all the fun

  • f/m spanking stories from anonymous - We certainly wouldn't want a story that someone put their name on

  • first spankong stories - I think that's somewhere in Vietnam

  • girlfriend spanks girl on bear bum - The worst part was the waxing!

  • hairbrush really hurts - I can attest to that fact

  • horny spankings - I don't care if it is stuffed, I refuse to bend over a goat!

  • how much should spankings hurt? - Just enough to get the job done

  • how two spank your man - You dirty two-spanking little vixen...

  • I love lucy's spankings - So, it seems, did a huge TV audience

  • in need of a spanking blog - You've come to the right place

  • is it wrong to want a over the knee spanking? - No

  • men spanked bare ass by their mothers with soap - Soap?

  • old fashion enemma - It's so hard to find cast iron nozzles anymore

  • panty girdle pleasure and pain - You're half right

  • playing a bad girl getting spanked - I'm not a bad girl, but I play one on TV

  • promantic spankings - We certainly wouldn't want to fool around with an amateurantic

  • random minor pussy lips - Say what?

  • scheduled spankings - If this is Thursday, that must be a bath brush

  • sex and spanked on ketchin - I wonder if that's an object or a place

  • sex spankind - We've discovered a useful new word - There's mankind, womankind, humankind, and now, spankind

  • sexey lades underware - The chances of finding what you seek improve if you can spell even one word correctly

  • sit on ice spanking session - No, the ice is applied after the spanking

  • song of the paddle - Zippity-do-dah, Zippety-ay, My oh my, Why I can't sit today..."

  • spamk in tight skirts - I don't care if she's wearing a clown costume, I don't want all that junk mail

  • spank my bottom with a woman's weekly - I'm glad it wasn't a woman's monthly

  • spanked then tied to desk - How many times do we have to go through this? Tie her down first, then spank her

  • spanking positioner - It sounds as though there might be a crane involved

  • spanking sayings - An ounce of paddling is worth a pound of talk

  • spanking while straddling a chari - Chari is "an African river that flows northwest into Lake Chad" This maneuver would require very long legs, especially during the rainy season

  • top 40 soft rock sensations - Soft rock is an oxymoron

  • what foods can cause burning in my rectrum - Even WebMD can't help this poor soul until they improve their spelling

  • what if spanking girlfriend turns me on - Let's hope she feels the same way

  • which hurts most hairbrush slipper cane belt - The implement in his hand right now!

  • why do I like sex with spankings - Two great tastes that taste great together!

  • women spanking nylon slips - What could those poor slips have done to deserve such treatment?

  • beadroom spanking - Honey, why are all those necklaces on the floor?


Anonymous said...

Oh god, I can't stand it! Spamk? Beadroom? RECTRUM???

Bonnie, your answers made me laugh so loud, my neighbors are probably wondering what the hell is going on. :-) -- Erica

mthc said...

Too Funny.I might just email this to David's work!

Paul said...

Bonnie, having picked myself up from the floor. ROFL!!
Thank you for improving my day, I particularly liked this line, "Silky smooth and burning bright, shimmering passion in the night."
You rock girl.
Warm hugs,

Hermione said...

Stable girls get spanked - Oh, yes, I had such a crush on my German riding instructor.

random minor pussy lips - that's the craziest one!

These are always so funny. But scary, because thye're true!


Eva said...

Good gosh, woman!!!! I think this is your best Keyword effort yet! I had to get up in the middle and go pee!!

I'll be laughing all day today.

You're the best....


Terpsichore said...

these are always so funny... :-)

Jon said...

'stable girls get spanked - Unstable girls get counseling'


Indiana said...

This is terrific, Bonnie! In addition to those lines already mentioned, I particularly enjoyed "perhaps its time to put away the videos for a while." Couldn't prevent an involuntary wince at the mention of cast iron nozzles...

OFBG said...

Bonnie - I can barely see the keyboard to type this because my eyes are filled with tears from laughing so hard. Too funny. Thank you.

Sherryl said...

medieval spanking - Home torture chambers are all the rage this season

I want a medieval spanking dungon

stable girls get spanked - Unstable girls get counseling

Good girls get rings-naughty get paddled

adult spanking without pain - Then you're not doing it correctly!

Nor is it enjoyable

Rosy said...

Nice collection this time! Your comments are always hilarious! It is kind of sad (to the nerd in me) how poorly the average Googler spells. But that's a sidebar soap box. That reminds me: spanked with soap???


SPANKIND - Yes we are spankind, now we only have to find out which planet we come from :-)


devlinoneill said...

Bonnie, this riff absolutely made my day! If you don't mind, I have to steal a couple of these and post them on my blog, just to make sure as many people as possible see this.

OutSTANDING effort, Miss!

-Devlin O'Neill

Anonymous said...

spank my bottom with a woman's weekly - HAHAHA...I love Victoria Wood and that song always was my favourite ;-)

Anonymous said...

I have been having a bad few days-this post made me laugh my guts out!! Thanks!!

Jessica said...

Too funny! I cringe to think what I typed in the first time I got here...


Reesa Roberts said...

This was great, Bonnie! Thanks!

Bonnie said...

Erica - Thank you. I think we must share some of the same readers. Or maybe they just learned to spell in the same trailer park.

Mthc - Thanks. I hope David enjoys it too.

Paul - It always amazes me that this material just washes up on the beach every day. All I have to do to walk out and collect it.

Hermione - Sometimes, they're true. Other times, these phrases are so weird that I can't even discern what the author intended.

Eva - We all need a good laugh and this stuff just cracks me up.

Terpsichore - Thank you!

Jon - To give credit where credit is due, Randy suggested that line.

Indiana - Thanks!

OFBG - I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sometimes, we have to do things just for fun.

Sherryl - You're right as always!

Rosy - Sad, it's true. But without those atrocious spellers, I would have a lot less material.

Prefectdt - Who knew that Keyword Chaos was educational? I think spankind is a perfectly fine word.

Devlin - Steal away, and enjoy!

Anon #1 - You just taught me something. Living in the US, I had never heard of Victoria Wood. I just looked her up. Thanks!

Anon #2 - I'm glad to be of service.

Jess - Fear not. I can see these phrases, but I have no idea who typed them.

Reesa - Thanks!

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