Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Spanko Files: Terpsichore


The road to an exciting, reinvigorated relationship can be long and fraught with obstacles. For Terpsichore, the spanking of her dreams may lie just ahead. Yet, it's difficult to know for certain.

This is her story and these are her experiences.


The Dream
By Terpsichore


He was sitting on the couch.

He called me over to him. My heart raced with eager anticipation. I went to him, emotions spiraling throughout my body.

"Pull down your pants and lie cross my lap." Those very words sent shivers down my spine. I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. This is the day I had been dreaming of for so long. I opened my eyes and looked into his deep blue eyes – the eyes I fell in love with so many years ago. He said nothing, but on his face I could see his quiet smile. My hands were trembling. He took them in his and pulled me close. He kissed me – a sweet tender kiss – and then helped me over his lap and pulled down my pants. I wiggled to get comfortable and took a deep breath and sighed. As he caressed my bottom I melted. I trusted him. I was ready to accept all he had to offer.

He teased lifting his arm and then bringing it down hard and stopping an inch above my bottom. I giggled nervously at his playfulness. Then smack! His fingers crept up under my shirt and slid up and down my spine. He clasped my panties and slowly, ever so slowly, pulled them down. His warm hands held my bottom – caressing, squeezing, patting... Then, smack! Smack! Smack! I was in bliss! I released to all the sensations. The spanks increased in intensity and I buried my face into the couch. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, a warmth filled my body from my head to my toes. He explored my body and I wished to make love to him right then. He held me in his arms and I felt so loved and accepted. I thanked him with a kiss and we made passionate love. It was like a dream.

OK, so it was like a dream because it really IS a dream – a dream I hope to come true. I am still waiting for that first real spanking over my husband's knees, but this is how I've envisioned it so many times. All my life, I have been fascinated with spanking. Although it is my fantasy, my husband actually gave me the first little love tap on my bottom. He just didn't know how much I liked it, and I was too shy to share my feelings. If only he knew then how every spank sent my body into a whirlwind of desire for him. My body ached with lust at every flirtatious spank. One night after receiving a nice spank before making love I finally expressed to him that I liked it and that it made me tingly – probably spoken very quietly and quickly and with a bright blush to my face. However, it wasn't until the end of the summer that I finally gained the courage necessary, first, to accept my true desires of wanting to be spanked and second, to express those desires to my husband.

It was time to share my secret. I was both nervous and excited and embarrassed all at the same time. There were so many thoughts, so many emotions, and so many questions racing through my head. What if he thinks there is something wrong with me? What if there really IS something wrong with me? What if this fantasy of mine is meant to remain a fantasy? I decided there was only one way to find out. What if...? What if...? What if...? Worries engulfed my every thought. Wait. Breathe. My husband and I have been together for a long time. We have two wonderful children together. He is my best friend, my lover, my support, my forever and always... I can tell him anything. So then why was I so afraid to tell him?

I did a little research on the internet. It felt so incredible to know that I was not alone. Then I did a little research on my own and spanked myself (just to make sure this really was a fantasy I wanted to become real). On a rare occasion when I was alone in the house with no children or husband in sight, I made a plan. I set a time of 1pm. Once I got some things done in the house, I would spank myself. I went about the day, but I kept looking back at the clock. Why was my heart beating so fast? It was just me alone. But the idea of it, and the possibilities of sharing my secret and making this dream real was so alluring. Is it 1 pm yet?

In my fantasy, I envision my husband's strong warm hands spanking my bare bottom. But there is something intriguing about the idea of using an implement. So I took every household utensil I thought that could be used and lined them up on the bed. Now what? This is silly. If I am too embarrassed to bear down and spank myself, how am I going to find the courage to tell my husband? I tried spanking myself with each item over my clothes, not hard, but hard enough to get a feeling of what they might feel like. I wanted to find the ones that I thought might be fun to try someday (until I experience this for real I don't want to commit myself to anything).

Still feeling ridiculous and shy, yet oddly turned on, I hid partly under my blankets and pulled down my clothes. Fifty, I told myself. If I can spank myself fifty times in a row with my hand, as hard as I can without stopping, and I still have these desires, I will tell him. To be honest, I'm not sure if I was trying to get the confidence to tell him or trying to talk myself out of it. Fifty spanks later I was wet and wishing it was my husband with me and not me alone. That night, I would tell him.

In the safety of the dark, as we lay in bed to go to sleep, I confessed my little "research" to him and my desire to be spanked. He was tired and I was not sure how much he actually heard before he fell fast asleep. The next morning life went about as usual. There was no mention of what I had said the night before. Had he heard? Did he remember anything? Although the thought that he had been asleep while I talked to him was in some ways a comfort to me, and certainly made it easier to share, the thought of having to share everything again from the beginning was a bit more than I could bear. So I asked him. On his face was a big smile. So why was it, I wondered, that he couldn't remember anything else I say normally, but he remembered this quite clearly?

"This was ...memorable..." he said, still smiling. Oops! I hadn't meant to ask that out loud. We talked a bit later that night, again in the safety of the dark, and my worries started to vanish. He loves me unconditionally. He accepts me for me. There is nothing wrong with me. Please tell me again just one more time. And he did. Relief.

The next night I wrote him a letter telling him in detail my fantasy of being taken over his knee for a real spanking. I wrote and rewrote trying to express my feelings clearly and openly and trying to translate my "fantasy" into the reality I so greatly craved and then I put the letter in an envelope and placed it in my husband's favorite reading place (the bathroom). Then I went to bed and waited going through the letter in my head. After what seemed like an eternity he came into the room, put on his pajamas, crawled under the covers, and whispered in my ears "I can do that" and, though it was dark, I knew he was smiling.

That was in September ...and now I wait. The first few days after I shared the letter I felt eager anticipation and excitement of what was to come. He became more flirtatious and spanked me playfully more often, but still no real spankings. Then, after a few weeks, my anticipation turned to anxiety. I could then feel myself shutting down my emotions in denial that I ever hoped for this. In the letter I wrote to him, I told him that whatever he decided or whenever he was ready that I would wait and that I would not ask again until then. My fate was in his hands, both figuratively and literally. He already told me he wanted to make my dream come true, so I just needed to accept that he needed more time to become comfortable with the idea.

So I resigned myself to wait. Then I made a glorious discovery. I don't need to wait, or at least not wait alone. He may not be ready to give me a real over the knee spanking yet, but that doesn't mean we can't make love. And he certainly has demonstrated that he is more than willing to spank me playfully. So why worry about what has yet to happen? I need to enjoy today and play and keep this dream alive. And since sharing my dream, we are communicating with one another much more and have had some of the best love making times ever in our marriage because of all our sharing. I know it will just get better.

He teases and flirts much more and there have even been a few spontaneous moments where he has just taken me and spanked me several times, and it makes my heart melt every time. Before love making, I will often lie on top of him giving him a big hug and he spanks me playfully. I could just stay there forever. And in an occasional moment when the kids aren't looking that he will give that playful love tap. At those times, I find it difficult to erase the smile off my face. And I make sure to show my appreciation at all his efforts. Once, when he started spanking me really hard over my clothes and it really hurt, I said thanks. However, I later shared that once he was ready to spank me longer, a slow and gradual warm up would be nice if I am to last the duration. Is that topping from the bottom? I call it communication. We are learning together after all.

I think he is becoming more comfortable about being the one in charge. Right now, if ever it becomes too much or I don't feel like he seems really ready, I know I am the one in control of the situation. I can always change position and we will begin kissing and having other fun before I reach where I would like to go in the spanking and leaving me still desiring more. What I long for is to submit totally in the spanking and give in to all the sensations (though I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me a little). A couple of times, he asked later how I felt when he is spanking me. Was it too hard or too soft? Once when it was too hard and hurt, I told him that I didn't say anything because I knew that at any moment I could just change my position and it would be all over. He smiled at me and said, "Oh really, you are so sure?" and teased about who was the one in control. So, yes, I believe he is becoming more comfortable. And when he does spank me during play although I cannot see his face I would like to think he is smiling. I hope he is enjoying himself as much as I am, though maybe I should be worrying if he is enjoying it too much... Hmmm.

So that brings me back to today. He said he would spank me in the right time and place. I trust him completely. I just hope the right time and place is sooner than later. Being patient is difficult. Sometimes, it feels like I have been waiting forever. But I waited many years to share my secret fantasy. I can wait a little more until my husband is fully ready. Until then, practice makes perfect. I know it is a learning process like anything else, and I am happy to go on the journey together. It is so much fun and I am falling in love with my husband all over again. I think he loves the new wild side of me, too!

And so I wait... Eagerly... Patiently... Sometimes impatiently. I wait for my dream to come true.

May all of your dreams come true, too!

Thank you, Terpsichore, for sharing your journey. I know that many readers will find your insights timely and valuable.

19 comments :

Jessica said...

Hi T,
Well said. Thank you for sharing your journey. My husband still likes a lot of input about what he is doing. It has only been a couple of months and he is not totally sure about what I want or should have. I am not always sure that he is as into spanking as I am, but he assures me he likes it. Talking about things and sometimes asking for things has helped me. After I asked him the first time, I have had to continue to ask and be more specific about what I want. As my husband pointed out today, my wants and needs have been evolving just as his learning curve is changing. There are things that I thought that I would never want that I want now. The only way for Dan to know what I want is for me to tell him!

Take care,
-Jess

New Beginnings said...

Terpsichore,
I think so many of us out here share your story. I think Eva put it best when she said the husband is thinking "All of a sudden she wants me to spank her." While we are thinking "Sudden my foot I have been wanting this all my life". You are wise to let him take his own speed while at the same time letting him know you are ready when he is!!! This is a very will written piece.

Thank's for posting this Bonnie.

Hugs,
PK

sally4lvp said...

Thank you for sharing the start of your journey with us. I admire your wisdom and patience to wait and ease into things! After coming out to my husband almost 2 years ago I still feel like we are new to this. We continue to learn and grow together and are closer than we ever were. Best wishes for that 1st real spanking I hope it is all you are wanting it to be!
Bonnie, thank you for helping Terpsichore share her story!

Hugs, Sally

Ollie said...

T.

Thanks very much for sharing your experiences with us. I know how unbelievably hard it is to tell one's spouse about these feelings. It takes lots of courage, when all the time you're thinking "Am I abnormal?" and "Why am I so worried about telling her this - do I doubt that she loves me?" and "Will this spoil the good relationship we have?"

You were fortunate, he reacted well and I am very pleased for you.

david said...

Terpsichore, I have been where your husband is right now. The inner thought of spanking the one you love hard enough to bring tears to her eyes and the glow of red to her cheeks.

Then I finaly realized those were tears of joy and the glow was the love she had for me in trusting me not to hurt her.

It will happen for you. Trust me on this. I believe a special day is coming up. Use your imagination and take the first step for many more to come.

Hugs and lots of good girls for you in your future.

Paul said...

Bonnie, thank you for this Spanking file.
Terpsichore, It takes a lot of courage to come out to a loved partner. I hope that you receive your first proper spanking soon and that it is everything that you dream.
I wish you joy on your mutual journey of discovery.
Warm hugs,
Paul.

Terpsichore said...

Thank-you so much for all your warm thoughts and sentiments. I truly appreciate your kind words. And Bonnie thank-you for encouraging me to share my story. You were the first site I found that made me feel welcome and I am forever grateful. :-)

Jess - One of the most wonderful outcomes of sharing my secret with my husband is that we have begun to communicate much more about everything and I will continue to talk and share with him as we continue this journey...thanks!:-)

PK - Yes, if only he could read my mind...thanks! :-)

Sally - Thanks! I am going to enjoy it every step of the way! :-)

Ollie - Yes, I am fortunate. I feel very lucky to have found someone who loves me unconditionally. Thanks! :-)

David - Thanks! I do trust the day will come when the time is right and am happy to go on this jouney with my husband...I can be patient...afterall we have a lifetime together... :-)

Paul - Thank you so much! I love hearing about you and your beloved Mel...such a special relationship the two of you shared...it is inspiring... :-)

Thanks again everyone! I don't have a blog but can be reached at tersichore7@gmail.com
Sending hugs and smiles, Terpsichore :-)

MissyH said...

I loved this, especially the fourth paragraph when you confessed how conflicted and ambivalent you feel about admitting
your interests. A 50 count self
spank?!? I commend your fortitude.
LOL I'm ready to fold at ten.

Wussily yours, MissyH

Indiana said...

This is a terrific post, Terpsichore! It was great to hear your whole story. Your husband sounds wonderful. I hope Part Two of your story comes sooner rather than later and that it's everything you've ever dreamed of.

Warm hugs,
Indiana

Terpsichore said...

MissyH - I am not as strong as you give me credit for :-) I said I spanked myself 50 times as hard as I could...I never said how hard my hardest was. LOL :-) In fact one of my fears is that I won't be able to handle a real spanking as intense as some of you have described...if I discover that I am a wimp and cannot...can I still be a part of the club??? :-) Thanks!

Indiana - Thanks so much! Sooner than later would be nice...but however long it takes my husband and I are in this together... :-)

rosy said...

Terpsichore- well written, beautiful piece! I relived my own story of dreams and confessions and letters and waiting.

No fear in being part of the "club" here, Sweet! These people are as kind and accepting as they are honest. No one will ask you to take on more than you can handle, or more than you want. That's not the point.

Enjoy your wait as much as you can, and keep that communication line open. The results are well worth the effort!

-Rosy

mthc said...

I was kind of like you.I had my husband (DAVID) read some of the blogs..Bonnie"s..PK.s Cassie'.. A spanking good time..Journey to the darkside and Discipline and desire (Reesa's)..I found that was the best way and then started sending him Emails. He soon realised what i wanted and the rest is history.
You'll get there..it took years for me to admit what i wanted but we have arrived.

Terpsichore said...

Rosy - Thanks for the kind words! And I know - this community is wonderful and so supportive and caring...I have learned so much from everyone and was really happy to be able to give something back...thanks!

mthc - I do check out the blogs when I can...I have not had the chance to visit everyone's yet...but it has been very helpful and nice to meet everyone...thanks for the encouragement!

Best wishes, Terpsichore

Bonnie said...

Terpsichore - Thanks again for adding your voice to our community.

To me, a "real" spanking is one that is meaningful for you and your husband. If a few taps make you feel satisfied and happy, then anything more is probably unnecessary. This isn't a competition and more severe is not necessarily better.

You needn't worry about fitting in. You already do!

Hermione said...

Thank you for sharing.

I agree with Bonnie. It doesn't have to be OTK to be a 'real' spanking. I've never been OTK and I certainly have no cause to complain :-)

But, Valentine's Day is coming up. A gentle reminder wouldn't go amiss, if you really do want things to accelerate a little.

Hugs,
Hermione

Terpsichore said...

Thanks Bonnie again! And thanks Hermione! I know that everyone is different in their needs...I just don't know what my needs are yet...I only know that I love my husband and I love that my husband loves me enough to try and explore new things and I know we will figure it out together... I am still figuring out what "real" is to me and that is where the communication has been so helpful...as I said I am enjoying our journey. :-) And I know I always feel accepted here...I had a momentary lapse back into memories of childhood of feeling like I did not belong but I was mostly teasing about being part of the club...that is one of the things I love about this community is that we are all accepted and there are no judgements. We can be true to ourselves. :-)

K said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to much of it. Better communication is a great boost to intimacy even before the experimentation begins. I discovered this site just before Christmas and my husband and I started plotting our opportunities for play. There haven't been many opportunities for spanking yet, but the sex and intimacy have been incredible. Good luck with your continuing journey.

Terpsichore said...

k - Thanks! And best of luck on your journey too... :-)

Anonymous said...

I waited years and years to tell my husband I had spanking fantasies. After I did, things progressed slowly. I think husbands are afraid of bruising us or hurting us. It took my husband a year to work up from playful love taps to a few swats during love making to a full out hard otk bare bottom hand spanking. It didn't take him long to figure out that he should finger me between my legs. I never asked for that one. Coming while over his lap, after being spanked is hot. He used to just pull down my panties, but now he makes me totally get undressed, while he stays in his suit from work. I get spanked bare naked over his knee while he is all dressed up. Totally hot and then he loves to make me come in that position. He fulfilled fantasies I didn't know I had! He's always surprising me now. I hope you've had a good journey and reached your destination.
~Kate

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