The Spanko Files: Terpsichore

The road to an exciting, reinvigorated relationship can be long and fraught with obstacles. For Terpsichore, the spanking of her dreams may lie just ahead. Yet, it's difficult to know for certain.

This is her story and these are her experiences.

The Dream
By Terpsichore

He was sitting on the couch.

He called me over to him. My heart raced with eager anticipation. I went to him, emotions spiraling throughout my body.

"Pull down your pants and lie cross my lap." Those very words sent shivers down my spine. I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. This is the day I had been dreaming of for so long. I opened my eyes and looked into his deep blue eyes – the eyes I fell in love with so many years ago. He said nothing, but on his face I could see his quiet smile. My hands were trembling. He took them in his and pulled me close. He kissed me – a sweet tender kiss – and then helped me over his lap and pulled down my pants. I wiggled to get comfortable and took a deep breath and sighed. As he caressed my bottom I melted. I trusted him. I was ready to accept all he had to offer.

He teased lifting his arm and then bringing it down hard and stopping an inch above my bottom. I giggled nervously at his playfulness. Then smack! His fingers crept up under my shirt and slid up and down my spine. He clasped my panties and slowly, ever so slowly, pulled them down. His warm hands held my bottom – caressing, squeezing, patting... Then, smack! Smack! Smack! I was in bliss! I released to all the sensations. The spanks increased in intensity and I buried my face into the couch. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, a warmth filled my body from my head to my toes. He explored my body and I wished to make love to him right then. He held me in his arms and I felt so loved and accepted. I thanked him with a kiss and we made passionate love. It was like a dream.

OK, so it was like a dream because it really IS a dream – a dream I hope to come true. I am still waiting for that first real spanking over my husband's knees, but this is how I've envisioned it so many times. All my life, I have been fascinated with spanking. Although it is my fantasy, my husband actually gave me the first little love tap on my bottom. He just didn't know how much I liked it, and I was too shy to share my feelings. If only he knew then how every spank sent my body into a whirlwind of desire for him. My body ached with lust at every flirtatious spank. One night after receiving a nice spank before making love I finally expressed to him that I liked it and that it made me tingly – probably spoken very quietly and quickly and with a bright blush to my face. However, it wasn't until the end of the summer that I finally gained the courage necessary, first, to accept my true desires of wanting to be spanked and second, to express those desires to my husband.

It was time to share my secret. I was both nervous and excited and embarrassed all at the same time. There were so many thoughts, so many emotions, and so many questions racing through my head. What if he thinks there is something wrong with me? What if there really IS something wrong with me? What if this fantasy of mine is meant to remain a fantasy? I decided there was only one way to find out. What if...? What if...? What if...? Worries engulfed my every thought. Wait. Breathe. My husband and I have been together for a long time. We have two wonderful children together. He is my best friend, my lover, my support, my forever and always... I can tell him anything. So then why was I so afraid to tell him?

I did a little research on the internet. It felt so incredible to know that I was not alone. Then I did a little research on my own and spanked myself (just to make sure this really was a fantasy I wanted to become real). On a rare occasion when I was alone in the house with no children or husband in sight, I made a plan. I set a time of 1pm. Once I got some things done in the house, I would spank myself. I went about the day, but I kept looking back at the clock. Why was my heart beating so fast? It was just me alone. But the idea of it, and the possibilities of sharing my secret and making this dream real was so alluring. Is it 1 pm yet?

In my fantasy, I envision my husband's strong warm hands spanking my bare bottom. But there is something intriguing about the idea of using an implement. So I took every household utensil I thought that could be used and lined them up on the bed. Now what? This is silly. If I am too embarrassed to bear down and spank myself, how am I going to find the courage to tell my husband? I tried spanking myself with each item over my clothes, not hard, but hard enough to get a feeling of what they might feel like. I wanted to find the ones that I thought might be fun to try someday (until I experience this for real I don't want to commit myself to anything).

Still feeling ridiculous and shy, yet oddly turned on, I hid partly under my blankets and pulled down my clothes. Fifty, I told myself. If I can spank myself fifty times in a row with my hand, as hard as I can without stopping, and I still have these desires, I will tell him. To be honest, I'm not sure if I was trying to get the confidence to tell him or trying to talk myself out of it. Fifty spanks later I was wet and wishing it was my husband with me and not me alone. That night, I would tell him.

In the safety of the dark, as we lay in bed to go to sleep, I confessed my little "research" to him and my desire to be spanked. He was tired and I was not sure how much he actually heard before he fell fast asleep. The next morning life went about as usual. There was no mention of what I had said the night before. Had he heard? Did he remember anything? Although the thought that he had been asleep while I talked to him was in some ways a comfort to me, and certainly made it easier to share, the thought of having to share everything again from the beginning was a bit more than I could bear. So I asked him. On his face was a big smile. So why was it, I wondered, that he couldn't remember anything else I say normally, but he remembered this quite clearly?

"This was ...memorable..." he said, still smiling. Oops! I hadn't meant to ask that out loud. We talked a bit later that night, again in the safety of the dark, and my worries started to vanish. He loves me unconditionally. He accepts me for me. There is nothing wrong with me. Please tell me again just one more time. And he did. Relief.

The next night I wrote him a letter telling him in detail my fantasy of being taken over his knee for a real spanking. I wrote and rewrote trying to express my feelings clearly and openly and trying to translate my "fantasy" into the reality I so greatly craved and then I put the letter in an envelope and placed it in my husband's favorite reading place (the bathroom). Then I went to bed and waited going through the letter in my head. After what seemed like an eternity he came into the room, put on his pajamas, crawled under the covers, and whispered in my ears "I can do that" and, though it was dark, I knew he was smiling.

That was in September ...and now I wait. The first few days after I shared the letter I felt eager anticipation and excitement of what was to come. He became more flirtatious and spanked me playfully more often, but still no real spankings. Then, after a few weeks, my anticipation turned to anxiety. I could then feel myself shutting down my emotions in denial that I ever hoped for this. In the letter I wrote to him, I told him that whatever he decided or whenever he was ready that I would wait and that I would not ask again until then. My fate was in his hands, both figuratively and literally. He already told me he wanted to make my dream come true, so I just needed to accept that he needed more time to become comfortable with the idea.

So I resigned myself to wait. Then I made a glorious discovery. I don't need to wait, or at least not wait alone. He may not be ready to give me a real over the knee spanking yet, but that doesn't mean we can't make love. And he certainly has demonstrated that he is more than willing to spank me playfully. So why worry about what has yet to happen? I need to enjoy today and play and keep this dream alive. And since sharing my dream, we are communicating with one another much more and have had some of the best love making times ever in our marriage because of all our sharing. I know it will just get better.

He teases and flirts much more and there have even been a few spontaneous moments where he has just taken me and spanked me several times, and it makes my heart melt every time. Before love making, I will often lie on top of him giving him a big hug and he spanks me playfully. I could just stay there forever. And in an occasional moment when the kids aren't looking that he will give that playful love tap. At those times, I find it difficult to erase the smile off my face. And I make sure to show my appreciation at all his efforts. Once, when he started spanking me really hard over my clothes and it really hurt, I said thanks. However, I later shared that once he was ready to spank me longer, a slow and gradual warm up would be nice if I am to last the duration. Is that topping from the bottom? I call it communication. We are learning together after all.

I think he is becoming more comfortable about being the one in charge. Right now, if ever it becomes too much or I don't feel like he seems really ready, I know I am the one in control of the situation. I can always change position and we will begin kissing and having other fun before I reach where I would like to go in the spanking and leaving me still desiring more. What I long for is to submit totally in the spanking and give in to all the sensations (though I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me a little). A couple of times, he asked later how I felt when he is spanking me. Was it too hard or too soft? Once when it was too hard and hurt, I told him that I didn't say anything because I knew that at any moment I could just change my position and it would be all over. He smiled at me and said, "Oh really, you are so sure?" and teased about who was the one in control. So, yes, I believe he is becoming more comfortable. And when he does spank me during play although I cannot see his face I would like to think he is smiling. I hope he is enjoying himself as much as I am, though maybe I should be worrying if he is enjoying it too much... Hmmm.

So that brings me back to today. He said he would spank me in the right time and place. I trust him completely. I just hope the right time and place is sooner than later. Being patient is difficult. Sometimes, it feels like I have been waiting forever. But I waited many years to share my secret fantasy. I can wait a little more until my husband is fully ready. Until then, practice makes perfect. I know it is a learning process like anything else, and I am happy to go on the journey together. It is so much fun and I am falling in love with my husband all over again. I think he loves the new wild side of me, too!

And so I wait... Eagerly... Patiently... Sometimes impatiently. I wait for my dream to come true.

May all of your dreams come true, too!

Thank you, Terpsichore, for sharing your journey. I know that many readers will find your insights timely and valuable.