Monday, November 12, 2007

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Nov 11

Our brunch topic this week was switching. By that, we don’t mean whipping with a thin branch (although that might make a good future topic). In this context, we are talking about changing roles. Does the spanker ever become the spankee, and vice versa? Here are your experiences and observations.

David: Just today we switched roles and I have to admit that it didn't feel half bad. Would I do it again? Why should I let Mthc have all the fun?

Perverted But Friendly: We don't switch. Sometimes my partner gets the odd spank on her bottom with my hand just for fun, but 99.9% of the time, it's her spanking me. I'm the spankee and she very kindly indulges my kink.

Greenwoman: I am not currently in a D/s relationship with anyone in an active way. But in my last relationship, we had begun to explore on a pretty even basis for a variety of reasons. He felt that I needed to allow the dominant side of my personality have freer rein and that this would bring balance in my life. His interest in exploring submission was also not just a desire for spanking, it was to make him a better dominant.

Despite this switching role for who Tops whom, he was the one who was ultimately in charge and we liked it that way.

Natty: That’s a very timely question as it's been a topic of my blogging of late.

Yes, we do switch. It's something that has come on gradually as he's had more subby phases and I've found topping to be a nice outlet for the control I lack in my life due to illness.

Initially, it was very topping from the bottom for him. He would use my competitiveness as way of getting more effective topping from me. For example, I would have one hour to make him give in or I'd get thrashed. Or he'd just threaten me with a severe spanking if I didn't do a good job.

Our topping or bottoming roles are definitely different. My core role is as a child of sorts (so he's more of a parental figure when he tops) while he prefers more traditional domination when he bottoms.

However, when it comes to disciplinary arrangements, I'm the only one who gets punished for real life stuff. And that's only because it's completely an erotic experience for him whereas for me, given the right context, it can be an effective deterrent.

Jean Marie: My lover and I do not switch. Mine is the only fanny that gets spanked in our household. I must confess that it always takes me aback a bit to read about couples that do switch here on this blog and elsewhere, just as it does to hear about men dominated by women. It just seems foreign to me.

But I must also confess that I am titillated by the thought of playing with another woman, either being spanked by her, or taking the reins and spanking someone else for a change. I've been bi-curious for years, but have never acted on that impulse. I fantasize about gifting my lover for Christmas or his birthday with another woman who would share our bed for the night or the weekend as a threesome. I've written about spanking menage a trois situations, but it's all made-up. I know that he'd find it as arousing as I would.

I just don't know how to go about looking for that certain someone. I can't envision sitting at some college bar, cruising all the co-eds, striking up conversations with those who struck us both as potentially interesting, and then plunging ahead with the question, "How would you like to come home with us for a good, old-fashioned spanking?" I wouldn't be able to get the words out past my blushing giggles. But my panties would be as damp as they are as I type this...

Purple Angel: Yes, my partner and I switch on a regular basis. And we are both accountable to each other. My preferred role is always bottom, but I also enjoy the pleasure he gets when I Top. Just for the record, I do a lot of switching now and have come to enjoy it, as long as I get to have my bottom time as well. A cold backside is a terrible thing!

This Girl: No. we couldn’t. It would spoil the dynamic that we have. I don’t think neither of us could take it seriously if I was to try and top him!

Paul: Mel and I never switched, our changes in roles were much more subtle. Mel was a very intelligent woman, often more so than I, where her knowledge and experience exceeded mine she took the dominant role.

The only place our roles never changed was in the bedroom. Had Mel lived longer, who knows?

Brad: It’s funny how roles have changed over time. As a kid growing up, I spanked lots of girls in the neighborhood and just about every date I had got at least one swat on the rear, including my wife. Also, I attend lots of parties now and probably 80% of my time, I spank the girl.

However, at home, things are different. My wife had no power in her family and loves being able to exert it over me. I get the hairbrush on a fairly regular basis. Now, she will assume the submissive role, but she gets only severe bare bottom rubbings, or sometimes I will scold her but she administers the spanking to me while I am doing the lecturing. Mighty chivalrous of me, don't you think?

Even my party play subs sometimes like to switch roles on me. It’s all fun.

Anon #1: We never switch. I need to be dominated too much. I have to be the boss at work and I really look forward to him taking control at home, I need that to calm me and give me balance.

morningstar: This question is a two parter for Sir and me.

First off, NO, Sir and I would never switch. He is Sir. I am submissive. If, God forbid, we tried to switch? I would never see Sir in the same light again. My Dominant must always be strong and in control. I couldn't see Sir being any other way.

It helps that I don't really have a dominant bone in my body. OK, OK, not a natural one! And yes, that is an arguable point now that Sir and I have a houseboy, drakor, who I am in charge of 99% of the time.

But a quick explanation... drakor has had a number of dominants who did not fill his need. drakor is also a long time friend. He comes to clean the condo every Sunday.

It was not too far a stretch to take him on as 'houseboy'. Most of the sessions with drakor are done by both Sir and me. I am not considered Dominant. I am considered 'alpha sub' or Sir's #1, the 'major domo' if you prefer...

drakor is an addition to our household, on a part time basis. He is owned by Sir.

I am not sure I did a good job answering the question of the week in a condensed version :( But trust me when I say that I could NEVER switch with Sir. That would unhinge the stability of our relationship (Sir's and mine).

Anon #2: We have only recently started spanking and it's me who tends to spank my wife. But we did have a session where she blindfolded me recently and spanked me with her bare hand and then a small leather whip. I want more and I think we will probably have a fairly equal split. For us, it's a wholly erotic thing

Jim: We always dress up for our role-play switch sessions. I have a number of suits that my wife likes to see me in. She has an extensive wardrobe to choose from. We strive to surprise each other.

For example, when I was recently called to her room, I found her dressed as a left-bank Parisian intellectual (circa 1957) and puffing on a fake cigarette. My sartorial response was to pull on bell-bottoms and a stripy top. After a bit of banter and fake apache play, she ended up across the knees of her sailor lover – who had the pleasure of soundly walloping the seat of her pencil slim skirt. And, taking the leather paddle, in one hand, I rolled up that skirt with the other. Her exposed derriere was then spanked, unmercifully, until it displayed all the hues of the French tricolour.

The sailor's wrath abated, it was his turn to experience the thrill of being thrashed by his paramour. This was a voluntary action on his part. He understood his woman's desire to redress the temporary imbalance of power between them. His pride, in having the fortitude to endure the savage strokes of the cane she wielded, was manifest also in a triumphant penis – ready to perform the climactic act of their lusty encounter.

Anon VII: My answer is, "Well, often maybe sort-of, but never really." By that, I mean that she frequently nails me with a playful or affectionate pat, pinch, or even an occasional swat (sometimes rather hard!) with the hand, as I do with her when we're not into the heavy-duty activity. In those situations, there is no real top or bottom, no dom or sub. It's mutually enjoyed, playful affection. In the more serious situations, however, I'm invariably the top, although, as I've said in previous postings, my topping is never of the heavily dominating or punitive sort. Her wants, which tend to vary within the rough-and-tumble playful to intensely erotic range, with the former often proceeding into the latter, are always very important to me. It might be said, therefore, that we occupy something of a gray area in which top and bottom roles are not so rigidly defined, which means that the issue of switching or non-switching isn't one that we ever really confront.

Todd and Suzy: We had a very similar topic in our Roundtable this week. We asked about readers’ spanko 'role' and how flexible they are in terms of changing it. We asked because of how many people we know that have changed their 'label' in the time we've known them.

For us, as a couple, we don't ever switch. I am the spanker and Suzy is the spankee. In a party setting, though, Suzy enjoys playfully spanking other females. She's also open to playful being spanked by females, and she might even be willing to spank a guy. So, her role there is very flexible. I'm still only interested in being a top, no matter the situation.

Anon #3: Yes, we sometimes switch. I suggest a game of dice when I feel an urge to spank Sue's svelte rear, for no reason, and perhaps risk my own. The rules are very simple. Each of us throws a die. The highest number spanks and the total of both dice is the number of swats. Two further throws decide the implement and the clothing. We agree beforehand the number of games. The loser has to do exactly as they are told. Any argument or refusal earns a caning.

I remember quite well, one evening when I was just longing to get my hands on Sue's bottom, but for four throws she won. I was well bent over for strap, paddle, switch, and hairbrush mainly on the bare. My sore rear was dreading the fifth throw. We each threw a five. This means we throw again. Sue threw another five. Oh no! I threw a six and I watched with glee as the dice choose 21 swats with the paddle on her knickerless bottom. My own bottom encouraged me to lay on twenty one juicy ones, as she arched over the chair back. From then on, my luck changed, and Sue earned four more good spankings, whilst I got a good dose of the hairbrush over her knee, which I loved. After five wins each, it was time to celebrate on the fireside rug, my smarting bottom helping me to give her a real seeing-to, as her equally sore bottom squirmed on the rug.

Hermione: We never switch. I did ask my husband once if he wanted me to spank him. Not that I felt any desire to, but I wanted to show willingness to reciprocate, and to give him as much pleasure as he was giving me. But he said no. He was the spanker and I was the spankee.

We were debating the possible outcome of an upcoming election recently, and Ron wanted to make it interesting. "How much do you want to bet?" he asked me. I replied, "A spanking". The look of dismay on his face was priceless! "But I don't want a spanking!" he wailed.

Outside the bedroom, we each have our areas of expertise and our own responsibilities. When we can't come to an agreement or reach a compromise, Ron casts the deciding vote.

Mary: We don't switch. He was quite clear when I mentioned the topic today that he would not switch. Which is just perfect, because I have no desire to spank him, and I absolutely love being spanked by him. The idea of a house boy – or even girl – totally delights me in theory. Mostly because I can't seem to keep up with the house and my bottom is currently well bruised and sore on account of that failing.

The closest we get to switching is when I am allowed to tie him up. This was done as a fantasy gift from me to him. I loved teasing him mercilessly with my tits in his face or near his hands just out of reach or sucking him hard with him helpless to do anything but enjoy. Of course, my bottom got a spanking when I was through delightfully torturing him for being such a naughty tease. It is all part of the grand plan to me. I like control if it is to tease him and make him wait to have access to me, but beyond that, he is totally in charge of what happens and it always my bottom that gets spanked.

Jen: We rarely switch. In the beginning, he would let me spank him with my hand, but I could tell he only occasionally enjoyed it. Now that he has recently started to really take control of our sex life, he is very much the authoritative spanker and I am the erotically satisfied spankee.

I'm sorry, but I want and enjoy all the fun to be on my bottom. Because I am so dominant in every other area of my life, it really nice to have my man in total control in the bedroom – who wishes to please me (and my bottom) in every way.

Kayley: We can't switch. As Paul puts it, I can be dominant and I tend to be so with everyone. But in my fantasies, and his as well, in bed I am the bottom. And I love it.

Lula: We don't switch. Neither of us has any desire to switch. However, for our first spanking ever, we had seen a movie with spanking and were both intrigued and we experimented with him spanking me then me spanking him. Outcome of that "experiment" was that I love being spanked and he loves spanking me, and NOT the other way around at all! Since then, we've never looked back!

As others have commented, I'm in control of so much else – at work, with the home, the finances, etc. I like to give up that control between the sheets (or on top of them, beside them, etc.)!

Our Bottoms Burn: We both have controlling personalities and we both switch. Our spanking is faithfully erotic and our submission to the other only lasts for a few minutes. Usually, one of us is the top for the session. Less frequently, we take turns warming each others bottoms. Today was one of those more rare days.

Him: The sort version is that we switch, and I can't claim to have a favorite role (both sides of the paddle are great). She, however, seems to enjoy being the spankee more than the spanker.

I go into a little more detail on our blog, but there you are!

Anon #4: This has been the topic of many a conversation between my Dom and me. He will not switch. He is too dominant and I am not allowed to even think about changing roles. During playful exchanges, I have been known to swat in passing and it is always reciprocated with a firm reminder of my true role in our relationship. He tells me that if I want to switch, I need to find myself a nice subbie boy to spank. But it is not going to be him. This is fine with me because I love being his sub.

Joni: Jim has more than 40 employees he can lord it over if he wishes. I am at the top of my profession too. There is no need for a casting vote in our home. We are both rational adults.

Our play is not about dominance. It is about pleasing each other. I have a child within me. And he has too.

Bonnie: For Randy and me, switching just doesn’t fit. Whatever else it is, spanking serves as the centerpiece of our erotic relationship. While our roles are somewhat flexible, the real turn-on for both of us is him spanking me (and everything that surrounds that act). Switching, for us, would feel like rubbing a cat’s fur from tail to head. Besides, as Randy occasionally points out, I’m the one with “padding in all the right places.”

Thank you all for joining in our brunch discussion!

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