Sunday, August 12, 2007

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Aug 12

Our question this week dealt with domestic discipline. As I had hoped, participant responses covered a wide range of viewpoints.

Abby: When I first started living with the man who would become my husband, I left the iron on. Spanking had been a part of our dialogue and our play since day one, so it should have come to no surprise when he said I was to be punished for the iron. I insisted he not punish me for it, saying, "I don't want to live in fear every day." He agreed, and we made spanking for play purposes only.

In the first few days after we got married, I changed my mind. I realized that it was a fun way of combining our play with real-life events that had no real negative consequences. So I've been punished for having a little too much to drink (the next day, once I was sober) or for forgetting to cash one of our wedding checks. But my partner is my partner; we are equals. If I did not want to be punished, I wouldn't be. From my understanding of domestic discipline, I wouldn't have that choice, and that frightens me. I like that in my relationship. No matter how much I may play the naughty girl for fun, I am still in charge of what happens to me.

Paul: We had a D/D marriage and Mel expected to be punished for wrong doing. In the early days, while she was at university, she was, at her own request, punished for slacking at her studies. After she graduated, this was rarely necessary. Seven years into our marriage, Mel was rarely punished severely. It was instead stress busters and an occasional attitude adjustment.

Erotic spanking as foreplay fulfilled our spanking needs very well.

Heather: We are ten months into a D/D relationship where it is understood if I transgress (i.e. become saucy), I will indeed be punished verbally and with a spanking!

As I have not been spanked in years, I take every opportunity to be saucy. Hence, I am punished very often! My man is brand new to spanking and does not yet see the link between spanking and sex. For me, however, the threat of being spanked is the greatest aphrodisiac I have ever had!

I am a professional woman, very independent, and with huge responsibilities. On the home front, we share decisions of the household, but it is very freeing to have my man in charge of my behavior.

I love Sunday Brunch! It has helped me tremendously to normalize my lifelong sexual quirk!

Welcome Heather!

Paige: My hubby and I don't practice domestic discipline. Although I know a lot of couples do practice it, it's definitely not something that would ever work for us. Spanking is totally and completely sexual for us. Of course, we role-play scenarios where I get "bad-girl" spankings, but it's all in fun!

Hermione: We do not have a domestic discipline relationship. We practice erotic spanking only, as foreplay.

Having said that, all my fantasies are about being punished. I have often tried to encourage spanking for punishment, but my efforts have not succeeded. If I acknowledge that I have done something wrong, and ask if I am in trouble, the answer is "No." Or if I ask what will happen, Ron says, "Nothing". My husband knows I love spanking and it seems to him to be a reward, not a punishment. None of our spankings are ever prolonged or very severe.

I believe in the saying, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it! I am delighted to have a husband who spanks me. We are moving into a more consistent D/s relationship which we both enjoy. (I think Ron feels it's about time I started being more submissive VBG).

I have gotten so many ideas from this blog, and have a few new implements to try out. I am more interested in enhancing the spankings themselves than worrying about why they are happening.

Purple Angel: I think the problem with the term Domestic Discipline is the problem with all labels. They mean different things to different people.

So I will be happy to share what it means to me. It is one facet of my spanking relationship. Yes, I am accountable to two men. One is the older brother I always wanted and never had. The other is the love of my life. Even though we are still in the long distance phase of our relationship we are accountable to each other. We switch in our Domestic Discipline aspect as we do in all other spanking activities.

I also must comment on humiliation. I don't believe humiliation is necessary. I was humiliated so much as an abused child that I could never see it as part of a loving relationship. I do admit that at times I am embarrassed by the vulnerable positions I find my body in while unclothed, but I am never ridiculed or humiliated.

Accountability does not mean that either of these men or I believe I don't have the intelligence to make the right decisions. It is just a necessary reminder when I lose track or back slide. Then I can expect a very severe spanking and lecture. Neither of them uses corner time much since they feel that once I have been spanked and forgiven, sending me away from their comforting arms is counterproductive. But if they sent me to the corner, I would go.

While I love all the other facets of spanking and would never want a never ending diet of discipline only, I do need it and want it in my life. It completely frees me of guilt and I get a chance to start anew. And because I can get delicious spankings for other reasons, I don't break rules to try and force spankings. I would rather have a “Just Because” spanking than a discipline spanking any day.

D: It just so happens S and I had a discussion about this last night. S required my assistance with some work she had planned, and threatened me with a spanking if I did not help. Then she changed her mind and threatened NOT to spank me if I did not help.

The confusion is that spanking is for fun in our relationship. It’s foreplay and sex, not a punitive process at all.

For a spanking to work as a punishment, it has to be removed from sexual foreplay to a separate action altogether. For me, that would mean being spanked with an implement that I do not like, with a force and quantity that really hurts, and a scolding to explain why I was being punished, and no sex.

I am quite willing to go along with this. We don't actually have an implement that I do not like, but I suppose a big wooden paddle or a cane would fit the bill as I really don't like the idea of being spanked with either of these items. Force and quantity would be up to S.

I’ve posted this response on my blog My Spanked Cheeks.

PK: You often seem to ask the questions I seem to be thinking about. We don't do DD. We have talked about it (well, I'VE talked about it) a lot. But I don't think it will ever happen. I don't want some mega-dom. I don't need a boss telling me every move to make. I think I am just looking for the reassurance that comes with DD. I see it as the ultimate form of caring and love. I am in charge at work, I make most of the decisions concerning the children, and we share all major decisions concerning finances. All that is good, but sometimes I want the luxury of being told what to do and the feeling that he cared enough to spank if I just ignored him. Even just roll play would serve this need I think. I like the idea of DD, I don’t see it as harsh, or mean or even all that domineering. I think that if this is something that a woman feels she needs, it is a loving, caring gift her husband can give.

swan: Ours is a power exchange dynamic that can and does incorporate "discipline" on occasion, but I really believe that we have left "domestic discipline" behind in our relating to one another. There are a lot of reasons for that. For a fairly in-depth discussion of my recent thinking about that, it is probably easiest to go to my blog and read what I wrote recently about domestic discipline.

Bonnie: The relationship I share with Randy has many of the attributes people associate with domestic discipline. One of us is dominant and the other submissive. There are spankings. We care deeply about the welfare of each other. However, we lack the one defining element – punishment. That’s simply not part of our vocabulary.

We use spankings for many different purposes, but it’s always positive. We have long joked that Randy could no more punish me with a spanking than he could by feeding me chocolate fudge. It would be confusing for us to try to twist this very affirmative part of our lives into something negative. To us, that would dilute the power and purity of our experiences.

Having said all that, Hermione came close to my feelings when she said, “All my fantasies are about being punished.” Real punishment wouldn’t work for us, but role play provides an easy way to tap into those deep cravings. Randy knows all this and delights in constructing rich fantasy scenarios that press my emotional buttons. The results are often simply amazing.

Under the conventional definition of DD, Randy and I don’t qualify.

Southern Angel: I do tend to define my relationship as a D/D relationship. But I don't let JD punish me because I feel a need for discipline. It is more a way to keep balance in our relationship. But JD and I don't tend to do anything to *normal* way. :)

Thank you all for sharing your insight and your experiences.

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