Top Ten: Things I Would Tell Vanillas

For my entire adult life, I've been keenly aware of my status as a fudge ripple gal in a plain vanilla world. I don't aspire to convert anyone, and I'm certainly not going to abandon my kink, but a little bit of understanding might be nice.

Here are ten thoughts I would like to share with open-minded vanilla folk.

1. Even if you think spankos are weird, please recognize this is just one element of our lives. In every other respect, we live like everyone else. We raise children. We have jobs. We pay taxes. We go to the grocery store. We love our families. We complain about gasoline prices.


2. We are not dangerous to anyone. Everything we do is with full consent and we are very careful so as to ensure no one is injured. Spanking is a much safer pastime than, say, motorcycling or rock climbing.


3. We have zero interest in involving children or any non-consenting person. Those kinds of illegal behavior are every bit as reprehensible to us as they are to you.


4. We are not all trying to compensate for or re-live a troubled childhood. I know lots of spankos and this stereotype simply doesn't hold up.


5. Spanking within the context of a loving relationship is the diametric opposite of spousal abuse. While an abuser tries to suppress his partner's will by force, a loving spanker seeks to fulfill his partner's fantasies with her full participation.


6. We genuinely love one another and spanking is one of many ways we demonstrate our love and commitment. For us, spanking is another flavor of lovemaking.


7. Yes, it really does hurt. But, as odd as this may sound, the pain is a secondary consideration. What we treasure more are feelings of connectedness, peace, and openness that follow.


8. It's not an exclusive club. Anyone can be a spanko. In my experience, this community is remarkably helpful, caring, and inclusive. Newbies are definitely welcome.


9. Yes, as a matter of fact, sometimes we think it's funny too. We'll be the first to admit there is something slightly comical about a grandmother eagerly bending over to be spanked across her husband's lap. Our kink needn't be somber and disciplinary. Honestly, who wants that all of the time? We definitely laugh well and often.


10. There is a whole continuum of spankos. For some couples, spankings are playful fun. Others focus primarily upon the disciplinary aspects. Most of us fall somewhere in between. Even otherwise vanilla people occasionally enjoy a few well-placed swats during sex. This too qualifies as adult spanking. The point is that there is no single formula. The couples who are happiest are typically those who tailor their lifestyle to their own tastes, preferences, and desires.

Understanding is the first step toward acceptance. Let this be a first step toward understanding. We spankos are friends, neighbors, and relatives. We're not strange or scary. We're merely normal, happy people striving to enjoy rewarding lives and relationships.